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Harassing the job creatorsAnn Coulter has a guest opinioner in The Hollywood Reporter, and she has some thoughts she would like to share on that mean old Hollywood and how it is always smearing priests and WASPs and Southerners and Christians while holding up as heroes public school teachers if you can even believe it. Public school teachers! Ick! Nast! She gives a rundown on many types of characters whom H’wood is just cold besmirchin’ all the time, with small lists of the movies in which they are shamed and smeared. We do not have much to say about this, because she does things like say “small town” people are libeled with Footloose, but then, you know. Mostly she is mad that “Law & Order” is populated exclusively with white criminals, even though she saw two true crime programs where the rapers were Hispanic. (Not to mention all Law & Order’s black lady judges — which, oddly, Coulter doesn’t! It was probably edited out.) But there is one group of people Ann Coulter is especially protective towards, and that is businessmen. Why does Hollywood make villains out of businessmen, just because it is telling true stories?

Businessmen (Erin Brockovich, A Civil Action, The Insider, Silkwood, Michael Clayton, every John Grisham adaptation, even The Muppets, where they reunite to save their old theater from a greedy oil tycoon! And Law & Order).

Well, we didn’t see The Muppets, and we fell asleep during Michael Clayton (sorry Cloons), and John Grisham is definitely a big fat lieberal (his Pelican Brief is actually stunning for how it foretells what would become the wackiest of the rightwing Supreme Court nomination arguments like 20 years before they happened). But those other ones? Yeah, Silkwood actually happened. So did A Civil Action, Erin Brockovitch and The Insider. And it’s a hard row to make the bosses at Kerr-McGee the good guys when they were busy poisoning and threatening Karen Silkwood (spoiler: Meryl Streep dies! And shows a tit!). And it’s tough to make Erin Brockovitch without pointing out that the businessmen knew they’d been leaking Hexavalent Whatever into the town’s water. (What about those small town people, Ann Coulter? Nothing? No? Imagine that.) And the tobacco company execs in The Insider may have gone home and kissed their wives and been nice to their children — they may have been very genial fellows! — but also they were the tobacco company executives in The Insider, and it was a true story.

Not to brag, but I’ve been to America. The natives do not need coaching in tolerance, certainly not from beautiful airheads who are paid like Enron executives to lecture us — the child-molesting, greedy racists — about learning to be decent human beings.

Well, we know some “natives” who may need a lesson in tolerance or two, and it sounds like Ann Coulter might be smearing those poor Enron executives! What, did they fuck Ann’s Grandma Millie up the ass? WHY DOES ANN COULTER HATE THE JOB CREATORS AT ENRON, HENGHHHH?

[THR]

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