great american songbook

Wingnuts Debut Boot-Scootin’ English-Only Anthem For Antonin Scalia (Video!)

Bet this is the one Peggy Noonan sawLooks like we missed a fiesta grande outside the Supreme Court yesterday, where everyone gathered to gaze in awe at Antonin Scalia as he called your abuelita a bandita. Most of those gathered, according to our spies on Twitter, were just huge Mexicans being a bunch of gangsters whenever they weren’t busy napping under sombreros and cactuses, but a few brave Real Merkans came forth to drive them off with the power of a boot scoot boogie. Would you like some lyrics? OF COURSE you would like some lyrics! What’re you a comminist?!

If it’s not too much to ask could you please speak Engleesh. Engleesh is my langueege it’s the langueege of this land. And every time it’s posted here (?) I should understand. I do not live in China, Mexico, no foreign place. Engleesh is the langueege of these United States.

Good song you guys! But is there maybe another? Yes there is another, and it is even greater, if such a thing is even possible! Fuck you Leonard Cohen, why don’t you move to Arizoney and learn from some champions how to write a real music, for freedom!

Is English-only the only topic these awesome artists cover? No! There is also this Grace Slick-flavored rocker: Wake up wake up look around/There’s a new world order coming to your town/They’re taking our freedoms away/We’ll no longer have any say. We gotta stand together one and all or the Constitution it’s gonna fall. We’ll no longer be the United States/We’ll be the USS of A!

Aw man, we miss The Nuge.

[Via TPM]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. SorosBot

    "They’re taking our freedoms away/We’ll no longer have any say. We gotta stand together one and all or the Constitution it’s gonna fall."

    Looks like someone doesn't realize that George W. Bush is no longer President and our freedoms and the Constitution are safe again.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Word. It looks like someone didn't notice Bush and Cheney jumping the General Lee over the Bill of Rights on a weekly basis for 8 years.

  2. prommie

    So, Cohen's "Democracy is Coming to the USA" was a fantasy, and not a prediction? Well:
    Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
    Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
    Everybody knows that the war is over
    Everybody knows the good guys lost
    Everybody knows the fight was fixed
    The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
    That's how it goes
    Everybody knows
    Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
    Everybody knows that the captain lied
    Everybody got this broken feeling
    Like their father or their dog just died

    1. FakaktaSouth

      And now you owe me feel better kisses on my tear stained cheeks. Way to break a girl Prommie. Man I love me some LC.

      1. prommie

        Big hug. It'll be alright, as bad as it looks, its always looked this way, forever, to the people who can see.

  3. freakishlywrong

    They’re taking our freedoms away/We’ll no longer have any say.
    Fuck. If only. You assholes haven't' shut up since 2009.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      If these guys were half as oppressed as they whine about, they would've been used as mortar in a giant Obama statue by now. I'd ask these guys which particular freedoms are being stolen, except it would involve engaging these mouth-farters.

  4. gullywompr

    Dammit, how many times do these idiots have to lose before they get the message? It's over, wingtards, a minority has already been elected president, and that toothpaste ain't going back in the tube.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      B-but he was elected by Chicago Politics! (i.e. popular vote by a majority of the citizens)

  5. memzilla

    "Taking our freedoms away" = "Taking our freedoms away to be as racist and homophobic as we wanna be."

    Man, I'm an old white guy, and white people are really p***ing me off with this crap.

  6. CivicHoliday

    Constitution comprehension FAIL! (Federal jurisdiction is written right in there near the top, you mexi-haters)

    1. UnholyMoses

      Hell, there was even a war to figure out which was more dominant — the feds or the states. And the states people lost.

      It was in all the papers and everything …

  7. UnholyMoses

    I'm so glad every immigrant that has ever come to the U.S. throughout history — whether Mexican, Italian, Russian, German, Chinese, Dutch, Norwegian, et alia — all spoke English.

    Oh, wait … that's right. It's only one of the hardest fucking languages to learn which is why so many immigrants did not, in fact, speak English. Their kids did by osmosis, basically, but at home it was their native language.

    So, yeah, these clowns can fuck the hell off.

    1. DemmeFatale

      I'm constantly amazed by the perseverance of students of English.
      I once had an Italian student that just wanted to memorize the "rules" of English. I had a hell of a time convincing her that English, (unlike her language), was awkward, and made up of many exceptions to the rules.

  8. UnholyMoses

    Oh, one more thing:

    Could someone please ask one of these "THEY'RE TAKING OUR FREEDUMZZ!!111!!" folks what freedoms, exactly, they've lost since Obama took office.

    Just. One.

    1. Sharkey

      I know it's not what they're singing about, but apparently we no longer have the right to peaceably assemble, and the NSA is allowed to spy on domestic citizens whenever they want and publicly deny that they're doing it.

      So that's two.

      1. redarmyzombie

        Well, yeah, but I'm inclined to say MAYBE that happened just a wee bit before Obama took office?

  9. IncenseDebate

    Most immigrants (Mexican, Chinese, Haitian, Dominican, and so on) are nicer, harder working, and more mentally stable than these know-nothing nativists.

    1. fartknocker

      True story: My mother taught an immigrant from Senegal English as second language. He's a very intelligent man whose native tongue was Portuguese Creole and was self-educated as a mechanic. He is one the kindest men I've ever met. Before retiring from the local fire department I was able to convince our Human Resources staff to employ him as a mechanic to repair and rebuild fire trucks. He's the 1st guy at work and the last one to go home.

      Your comment is important in that it's people from other countries that have made this nation great. This fact is lost in a lot of the bullshit and brevado the TeaTards bloviate.

      1. IncenseDebate

        My grandparents did not speak English. One grandfather was without papers. He did fine and so have his children and grandchildren in various productive walks of life. This teatard anti- immigrant crap gets me real angry.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Yeah, pretty much all our forefathers were real hard working. It usually takes two or three generations of easy living in this soft land to make you rotten, selfish and ignorant. We whiteys have been here longer, but the immigrants will eventually catch us up.

  10. Baconzgood

    "Wake up wake up look around/There’s a new world order coming to your town/They’re taking our freedoms away/We’ll no longer have any say."

    Pure poetry. They're like Nick Drake lyrics….only they suck.

  11. sbj1964

    The Right wingnuts are such cry babies.To bad their boy Mittens is going to give them 4 more years to whine.Teahadist would be nothing without they're hate.

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    "Engleesh is my langueege"

    Perhaps a little remedial instruction in spelling or pronunciation is in order here.

  13. philpjfry

    Not only are these assholes stupid, not only do they not realize they are stupid, but they are actualy stupid enough to think everyone else is more stupid then they are. I mean, how stupid can they be?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Imagine the stupidest thing in the universe. Are you picturing it now, do you have a mental vision? Well, they are even more stupid than that.

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    And then the band put away their instruments and headed for Taco Bell for some good authentic Mexican food.

  15. Aridzona

    So there was Scalia, decked out in his famous blue raincoat, perched like a bird on a wire in front of the microphones, and all he could say was "Suzanne? Hallelujah!"

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Seconding that motion, except I never will. I'd sooner let a pregnant earwig enter my ear than that crap.

      1. commiegirl

        Oh man, I was JUST telling my friend about how my mom would tell us about the pregnant earwig when we were little! He was jealous; I suggested he steal a child to tell it to.

  16. Serolf_Divad

    I've got an idea that'll shut up them up: let's propose a constitutional ammendment establishing grammatically correct English as the official language of the United States of America. Who's "apposed", now, teabaggerman?

  17. FakaktaSouth

    Ah Leonard Cohen, my love. In that same vein, I would like to paraphrase my new personal hero Townes Van Zandt (who did not make it to be an old ass cool guy singer)

    The fucking sun is burning out. I do not have time for such incredibly stupid assholes. (Like Antonin Scalia. Fuck that guy, seriously, completely and forever. I gotta go lunge or lift or punch a thing. Wonkette is the perfect workout motivator, when it is not aiding in my would be alcoholism.)

  18. BaldarTFlagass

    I'd really like to see some legislation to outlaw regional accents in this country too. I didn't really "get" the Sopranos until I got the DVD set with subtitles. And my Boston relatives? Can't hardly understand a word they say, it's like a damn foreign language comin' outta their pieholes.

    1. Baconzgood

      You should hear Pittsburghers talk. It's like you took out a piece of the brain and replaced it with a cashew.

  19. EatsBabyDingos

    I always laugh when my dog gets an itchy butt, and he drags his fanny on the carpet until the itch is gone. I call it the "Butt Scootin' Boogie," and it is the same as "The Boot Scootin' Boogie": I find humor in itchy assholes.

  20. SaintRond

    I'm scared to click on the link.

    Okay, I clicked it and it was even worse than I was afraid of. I'm probably going to be in a bad mood for the rest of the day over it too.

    BTW, I thought Shawna Forde was locked up.

  21. Blueb4sunrise

    Windows software is good because one can have the pasties thread open on the side while reading this thread.

  22. elburritodeluxe

    Who's the enemy here? The people who rides a bike at dawn in the rain to his job washing dishes and prepping in the back of the local Cracker Barrell? So the owner, a right-wing conservative, can make higher profits than if they paid an American? So conservative real Americans can eat there cheaper because literally everyone in the kitchen is an illegal alien hired because they work cheap?

  23. Mumbletypeg

    Needs moar "Una Paloma Blanca — ah-ahhhhh"

    (I just learned the other day Slim Whitman is still alive. Long live the reigning King of the TV-Record-Album-Advertising-Blitz!)

  24. JustPixelz

    What that really needed was the justices of the Supreme Court to come out and tell that woman her the First Amendment only applies to good singing. They'd have said in Latin, as is their legalistic wont.

  25. JustPixelz

    Tough titties Fox news-gal wannabe. In America people can speak any language they want. You should be proud of a nation that welcomes people from all over the world.

    When people in some Little Italy neighborhood speak Italian, it's all charming and preserving their culture. But someone speaks Spanish in the grocery store and the Tealiban is all "self-deport before I stand my ground and shoot your ass".

  26. Guppy

    And every time it’s posted here (?) I should understand.

    If you don't, don't buy anything from them. FREE MARKETZZZ!!!111!!

    I see they're not called "Know Nothings" for nothing.

  27. Chow Yun Flat

    There’s a new world order coming to your town/They’re taking our freedoms away/We’ll no longer have any say.

    The new world order sounds just like the old world order.

  28. larrykat

    How many absolute fucking morons live in this country anyway? Seriously, I would put the number at about 70% dipshit. It's getting tiresome…

  29. ttommyunger

    Everybody deals with change their own way. Personally, I've been trying to learn Spanish as fast as I fucking can. I'm sure that would qualify me as some sort of Quisling in local circles, if they knew what that meant.

Comments are closed.