GREAT AMERICAN SONGBOOK  11:13 am April 26, 2012

Wingnuts Debut Boot-Scootin’ English-Only Anthem For Antonin Scalia (Video!)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Bet this is the one Peggy Noonan sawLooks like we missed a fiesta grande outside the Supreme Court yesterday, where everyone gathered to gaze in awe at Antonin Scalia as he called your abuelita a bandita. Most of those gathered, according to our spies on Twitter, were just huge Mexicans being a bunch of gangsters whenever they weren’t busy napping under sombreros and cactuses, but a few brave Real Merkans came forth to drive them off with the power of a boot scoot boogie. Would you like some lyrics? OF COURSE you would like some lyrics! What’re you a comminist?!

If it’s not too much to ask could you please speak Engleesh. Engleesh is my langueege it’s the langueege of this land. And every time it’s posted here (?) I should understand. I do not live in China, Mexico, no foreign place. Engleesh is the langueege of these United States.

Good song you guys! But is there maybe another? Yes there is another, and it is even greater, if such a thing is even possible! Fuck you Leonard Cohen, why don’t you move to Arizoney and learn from some champions how to write a real music, for freedom!

Is English-only the only topic these awesome artists cover? No! There is also this Grace Slick-flavored rocker: Wake up wake up look around/There’s a new world order coming to your town/They’re taking our freedoms away/We’ll no longer have any say. We gotta stand together one and all or the Constitution it’s gonna fall. We’ll no longer be the United States/We’ll be the USS of A!

Aw man, we miss The Nuge.

[Via TPM]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 103 comments }

freakishlywrong April 26, 2012 at 11:16 am

Fuck you, teahadists. Fuck you hard. Go Galt, we want our country back.

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 11:17 am

Needs moar Prussian Blue

Possibly NSFW, if you have, you know, humans working near by. I wouldn't click on the link.

Redgyal April 26, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Balance it out with "Ella"

SorosBot April 26, 2012 at 11:17 am

"They’re taking our freedoms away/We’ll no longer have any say. We gotta stand together one and all or the Constitution it’s gonna fall."

Looks like someone doesn't realize that George W. Bush is no longer President and our freedoms and the Constitution are safe again.

CommieLibunatic April 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Word. It looks like someone didn't notice Bush and Cheney jumping the General Lee over the Bill of Rights on a weekly basis for 8 years.

Joey_Blau April 26, 2012 at 1:26 pm

well… sort of .. but not exactly

iburl April 26, 2012 at 1:29 pm

"our freedoms and the Constitution are safe again."
if only

Radiotherapy April 26, 2012 at 11:17 am

Tits or GTFO.
Or,
Senos a salir.

IncenseDebate April 26, 2012 at 11:18 am

I'm really tired of real America.

redarmyzombie April 26, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Yeah. They're nothin' but a bunch of posers…

prommie April 26, 2012 at 11:19 am

So, Cohen's "Democracy is Coming to the USA" was a fantasy, and not a prediction? Well:
Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died

FakaktaSouth April 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

And now you owe me feel better kisses on my tear stained cheeks. Way to break a girl Prommie. Man I love me some LC.

prommie April 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Big hug. It'll be alright, as bad as it looks, its always looked this way, forever, to the people who can see.

freakishlywrong April 26, 2012 at 11:20 am

They’re taking our freedoms away/We’ll no longer have any say.
Fuck. If only. You assholes haven't' shut up since 2009.

memzilla April 26, 2012 at 11:24 am

Disagree. Make it 1829 or so.

CommieLibunatic April 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

If these guys were half as oppressed as they whine about, they would've been used as mortar in a giant Obama statue by now. I'd ask these guys which particular freedoms are being stolen, except it would involve engaging these mouth-farters.

Joey_Blau April 26, 2012 at 1:27 pm

we're living in the USSA!!

doloras April 26, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out…

redarmyzombie April 26, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Indeed. They remind me of a tryst I once had with a certain Olga Von Skullcracker…

Baconzgood April 26, 2012 at 11:20 am

WORST MELVENS TRIBUTE BAND EVAR!!!!!

DemmeFatale April 26, 2012 at 11:21 am

Chest voice libel!!

(Engleesh? Huh? I tutor ESL students, some of whom are Spanish speakers, and this is just wrong!)

gullywompr April 26, 2012 at 11:21 am

Dammit, how many times do these idiots have to lose before they get the message? It's over, wingtards, a minority has already been elected president, and that toothpaste ain't going back in the tube.

CommieLibunatic April 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

B-but he was elected by Chicago Politics! (i.e. popular vote by a majority of the citizens)

WunkRocker April 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm

And we don't recognize the flouride in your so-called "tooth paste."

Baconzgood April 26, 2012 at 11:21 am

Is that Carly Bobby?

memzilla April 26, 2012 at 11:22 am

"Taking our freedoms away" = "Taking our freedoms away to be as racist and homophobic as we wanna be."

Man, I'm an old white guy, and white people are really p***ing me off with this crap.

CivicHoliday April 26, 2012 at 11:22 am

Constitution comprehension FAIL! (Federal jurisdiction is written right in there near the top, you mexi-haters)

UnholyMoses April 26, 2012 at 11:25 am

Hell, there was even a war to figure out which was more dominant — the feds or the states. And the states people lost.

It was in all the papers and everything …

Blueb4sunrise April 26, 2012 at 11:32 am

LEBERALZ MEADIA!!!!!!!!!

CapeClod April 26, 2012 at 11:22 am

Well, their parents threw a lot of money on music lessons.

UnholyMoses April 26, 2012 at 11:22 am

I'm so glad every immigrant that has ever come to the U.S. throughout history — whether Mexican, Italian, Russian, German, Chinese, Dutch, Norwegian, et alia — all spoke English.

Oh, wait … that's right. It's only one of the hardest fucking languages to learn which is why so many immigrants did not, in fact, speak English. Their kids did by osmosis, basically, but at home it was their native language.

So, yeah, these clowns can fuck the hell off.

DemmeFatale April 26, 2012 at 11:31 am

Yep.
I'm constantly amazed by the perseverance of students of English.
I once had an Italian student that just wanted to memorize the "rules" of English. I had a hell of a time convincing her that English, (unlike her language), was awkward, and made up of many exceptions to the rules.

UnholyMoses April 26, 2012 at 11:23 am

Oh, one more thing:

Could someone please ask one of these "THEY'RE TAKING OUR FREEDUMZZ!!111!!" folks what freedoms, exactly, they've lost since Obama took office.

Just. One.

Swampgas_Man April 26, 2012 at 11:27 am

Freedom to be ruled by all white guys.
Freedom to ignore minorities and wimminz.

SorosBot April 26, 2012 at 11:35 am

The freedoms to force women to get pregnant.

WunkRocker April 26, 2012 at 12:43 pm

The freedoms to force your sister to get pregnant.
FYP

Baconzgood April 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

He sure didn't take away the freedom to be a douch bag.

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

You simply must stop confusing their raging with your facts.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 26, 2012 at 11:52 am

The freedom for insurance coverage on their children to end at age 22?

Sharkey April 26, 2012 at 11:52 am

I know it's not what they're singing about, but apparently we no longer have the right to peaceably assemble, and the NSA is allowed to spy on domestic citizens whenever they want and publicly deny that they're doing it.

So that's two.

redarmyzombie April 26, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Well, yeah, but I'm inclined to say MAYBE that happened just a wee bit before Obama took office?

iburl April 26, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Here's one (of many): http://www.aclu.org/blog/tag/NDAA

The noose gets tighter and tighter every year, the person holding the rope just changes every 4 or 8 years.

IncenseDebate April 26, 2012 at 11:25 am

Most immigrants (Mexican, Chinese, Haitian, Dominican, and so on) are nicer, harder working, and more mentally stable than these know-nothing nativists.

fartknocker April 26, 2012 at 11:42 am

True story: My mother taught an immigrant from Senegal English as second language. He's a very intelligent man whose native tongue was Portuguese Creole and was self-educated as a mechanic. He is one the kindest men I've ever met. Before retiring from the local fire department I was able to convince our Human Resources staff to employ him as a mechanic to repair and rebuild fire trucks. He's the 1st guy at work and the last one to go home.

Your comment is important in that it's people from other countries that have made this nation great. This fact is lost in a lot of the bullshit and brevado the TeaTards bloviate.

IncenseDebate April 26, 2012 at 11:47 am

My grandparents did not speak English. One grandfather was without papers. He did fine and so have his children and grandchildren in various productive walks of life. This teatard anti- immigrant crap gets me real angry.

Lascauxcaveman April 26, 2012 at 11:53 am

Yeah, pretty much all our forefathers were real hard working. It usually takes two or three generations of easy living in this soft land to make you rotten, selfish and ignorant. We whiteys have been here longer, but the immigrants will eventually catch us up.

bumfug April 26, 2012 at 11:25 am

"We're rednecks, we're rednecks,
We don't know our ass from a hole in the ground…"

Baconzgood April 26, 2012 at 11:25 am

"Wake up wake up look around/There’s a new world order coming to your town/They’re taking our freedoms away/We’ll no longer have any say."

Pure poetry. They're like Nick Drake lyrics….only they suck.

memzilla April 26, 2012 at 11:26 am

The freedoms to be as racist and homophobic as they wanna be. [repeat of above comment]

sbj1964 April 26, 2012 at 11:26 am

The Right wingnuts are such cry babies.To bad their boy Mittens is going to give them 4 more years to whine.Teahadist would be nothing without they're hate.

fuflans April 26, 2012 at 12:33 pm

i say this all the time, but still!

from your mouth to god's ear.

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2012 at 11:27 am

"Engleesh is my langueege"

Perhaps a little remedial instruction in spelling or pronunciation is in order here.

philpjfry April 26, 2012 at 11:27 am

Not only are these assholes stupid, not only do they not realize they are stupid, but they are actualy stupid enough to think everyone else is more stupid then they are. I mean, how stupid can they be?

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2012 at 11:36 am

Imagine the stupidest thing in the universe. Are you picturing it now, do you have a mental vision? Well, they are even more stupid than that.

Karma_Suture April 26, 2012 at 4:00 pm

There is nothing lower than the human race except teabaggers.

Sorry Sam.

gurukalehuru April 26, 2012 at 3:53 pm

It's that whole Dunning-Kruger thingie.

chascates April 26, 2012 at 11:28 am

How is Ray Stevens not involved in this?

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2012 at 11:28 am

And then the band put away their instruments and headed for Taco Bell for some good authentic Mexican food.

Aridzona April 26, 2012 at 11:30 am

So there was Scalia, decked out in his famous blue raincoat, perched like a bird on a wire in front of the microphones, and all he could say was "Suzanne? Hallelujah!"

doloras April 26, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I remember him well in the Chelsea Hotel.

Jus_Wonderin April 26, 2012 at 11:30 am

I am NOT listening to that shit this morning. No!

CommieLibunatic April 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Seconding that motion, except I never will. I'd sooner let a pregnant earwig enter my ear than that crap.

commiegirl April 26, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Oh man, I was JUST telling my friend about how my mom would tell us about the pregnant earwig when we were little! He was jealous; I suggested he steal a child to tell it to.

Serolf_Divad April 26, 2012 at 11:30 am

I've got an idea that'll shut up them up: let's propose a constitutional ammendment establishing grammatically correct English as the official language of the United States of America. Who's "apposed", now, teabaggerman?

prommie April 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

teabagger come and me want go home.

freakishlywrong April 26, 2012 at 11:30 am

The fucking Balkans look untied compared to our idiocracy.

Gunner Asch April 26, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Dyslexics of the world Untie!

Baconzgood April 26, 2012 at 11:31 am

I hate when there furoners get into emerica and don't talk american no good.

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2012 at 11:31 am

Goddam these people make me so ashamed to be white.

FakaktaSouth April 26, 2012 at 11:31 am

Ah Leonard Cohen, my love. In that same vein, I would like to paraphrase my new personal hero Townes Van Zandt (who did not make it to be an old ass cool guy singer)

The fucking sun is burning out. I do not have time for such incredibly stupid assholes. (Like Antonin Scalia. Fuck that guy, seriously, completely and forever. I gotta go lunge or lift or punch a thing. Wonkette is the perfect workout motivator, when it is not aiding in my would be alcoholism.)

EatsBabyDingos April 26, 2012 at 11:32 am

Aye, aye yi yi, su madre's a Frito Bandito.

mavenmaven April 26, 2012 at 11:33 am

Here's what someone should have played opposite them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJUuxouy1Fg&fe

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2012 at 11:34 am

I'd really like to see some legislation to outlaw regional accents in this country too. I didn't really "get" the Sopranos until I got the DVD set with subtitles. And my Boston relatives? Can't hardly understand a word they say, it's like a damn foreign language comin' outta their pieholes.

Baconzgood April 26, 2012 at 11:39 am

You should hear Pittsburghers talk. It's like you took out a piece of the brain and replaced it with a cashew.

EatsBabyDingos April 26, 2012 at 11:36 am

I always laugh when my dog gets an itchy butt, and he drags his fanny on the carpet until the itch is gone. I call it the "Butt Scootin' Boogie," and it is the same as "The Boot Scootin' Boogie": I find humor in itchy assholes.

Mumbletypeg April 26, 2012 at 11:39 am

I call it the "Butt Scootin' Boogie

This I have used as well, whenever my dog takes a notion — go figure. We are on a parallel plane today.

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2012 at 11:40 am

We always called that "Mowin' the Lawn." Now I have an urge to scratch.

Lascauxcaveman April 26, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Your carpet must smell great.

thefrontpage April 26, 2012 at 11:38 am

Antonin Scalia is to law what Ted Nugent is to intelligence and sanity.

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2012 at 11:38 am

Is that Miss Teen USA South Carolina up there singing?

SaintRond April 26, 2012 at 11:39 am

I'm scared to click on the link.

Okay, I clicked it and it was even worse than I was afraid of. I'm probably going to be in a bad mood for the rest of the day over it too.

BTW, I thought Shawna Forde was locked up.

Blueb4sunrise April 26, 2012 at 11:40 am

Windows software is good because one can have the pasties thread open on the side while reading this thread.

elburritodeluxe April 26, 2012 at 11:40 am

Who's the enemy here? The people who rides a bike at dawn in the rain to his job washing dishes and prepping in the back of the local Cracker Barrell? So the owner, a right-wing conservative, can make higher profits than if they paid an American? So conservative real Americans can eat there cheaper because literally everyone in the kitchen is an illegal alien hired because they work cheap?

chascates April 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

It would have been funny if José Jiménez sang it (Bill Dana: My name — José Jiménez)

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2012 at 11:42 am

Hey racist lady: Tu mama primera, y tu mama des pues.

Mumbletypeg April 26, 2012 at 11:42 am

Needs moar "Una Paloma Blanca — ah-ahhhhh"

(I just learned the other day Slim Whitman is still alive. Long live the reigning King of the TV-Record-Album-Advertising-Blitz!)

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 11:43 am

We’ll be the USS of A!

What's wrong with SuperStates? Why do these people want the soft bigotry of low expectations?

JustPixelz April 26, 2012 at 11:56 am

What that really needed was the justices of the Supreme Court to come out and tell that woman her the First Amendment only applies to good singing. They'd have said in Latin, as is their legalistic wont.

JustPixelz April 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Tough titties Fox news-gal wannabe. In America people can speak any language they want. You should be proud of a nation that welcomes people from all over the world.

When people in some Little Italy neighborhood speak Italian, it's all charming and preserving their culture. But someone speaks Spanish in the grocery store and the Tealiban is all "self-deport before I stand my ground and shoot your ass".

Guppy April 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

And every time it’s posted here (?) I should understand.

If you don't, don't buy anything from them. FREE MARKETZZZ!!!111!!

I see they're not called "Know Nothings" for nothing.

CommieLibunatic April 26, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I didn't even watch that and… ugh, Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ. If anyone needs me, I'll be at Cute Overload.

fuflans April 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

the word 'dingbat' is not used enough.

fuflans April 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm

god forbid anybody should be bilingual.

no seriously, god forbid.

Chichikovovich April 26, 2012 at 12:52 pm

D'accord!

Chow Yun Flat April 26, 2012 at 1:12 pm

There’s a new world order coming to your town/They’re taking our freedoms away/We’ll no longer have any say.

The new world order sounds just like the old world order.

larrykat April 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm

How many absolute fucking morons live in this country anyway? Seriously, I would put the number at about 70% dipshit. It's getting tiresome…

horsedreamer_1 April 26, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Rock n' Amero over.

imissopus April 26, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Bumblebee Man haz a sad.

rickmaci April 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

KKKuntry RoKKK or Swastika Swing, take your pick.

ttommyunger April 27, 2012 at 9:06 am

Everybody deals with change their own way. Personally, I've been trying to learn Spanish as fast as I fucking can. I'm sure that would qualify me as some sort of Quisling in local circles, if they knew what that meant.

Baconzgood April 26, 2012 at 12:55 pm

EGG-ZACK-LEE!

HistoriCat April 26, 2012 at 1:05 pm

OK then … we just don't want any Nick Drake libel around here.

Baconzgood April 26, 2012 at 1:13 pm

He's the only folk singer that Baconz likes.

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