THAT'S NOT FUNNY  10:08 am April 26, 2012

GOP’s Hot New Strategy: Romney Is Boring And Sour And Full Of Malaise! (VIDEO!)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Now put on your sweatersAn odd thing happened yesterday, once all the olds woke up at 5 a.m. and saw the clip of President Barack Obama slow-jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon on their computers, instead of on the television as God and NBC intended. Democrats found it delightful and funny, and Republicans didn’t! That’s so weird, you guys! So the RNC figured it would take John McCain’s winning tactic of portraying Obama as a goldanged celebrity, and they would run with that. And so they put together an ad, in their ad-putting-together shop, juxtaposing BO’s baritone and sexy backup music by The Roots and Jimmy Fallon calling him “Preezy of the United Steezy” (COMMON JAZZ TALK!) with Mitt Romney talking about how Americans are tired and sad. Good plan you guys, let’s see how it plays!

Here are some of the things the RNC does not Find Funny, THANK YOU VERY MUCH: “the Barackness Monster,” Barack Obama saying “Now is not the time to make school more expensive for our young people,” and the dude from The Roots who beefed with Tina Fey (we think?) growling “POTUS with the mostess.” That is pretty offensive; even the one proper white man on the stage is talking Ebonics!

And here is Mitt, whining because he does not want to pay his taxes when you “attack success,” soulfully crying for the “millions of Americans without work,” weeping for the soldiers who are unemployed because there is no fifth deployment to Iraq to keep them busy. It breaks my heart, he says, the failed leadership and faulty vision.

That is an excellent way to fire up your base and will not at all leave them in a Prozac haze unable to move from their couches on Election Day. “Sadness” and “I’m not fun” are a terrific strategy that the Republicans should pursue forever, the end.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 121 comments }

freakishlywrong April 26, 2012 at 10:11 am

He IS full of mayonnaise, very white and oily. Oh..wait..what?

OneYieldRegular April 26, 2012 at 10:27 am

I know. You forgot the Wonderbread.

Dudleydidwrong April 26, 2012 at 10:32 am

Romney has to have enough santorum on him to keep that side of the batshit crazy spectrum with him. Otherwise they might try to dig up Adolf's corpse and run that. Hitler/Palin 2012. (Like gravity, Godwin's Law still is in effect until repealed by a Republican majority)

slithytoves April 26, 2012 at 10:12 am

It's spring fer chrissakes. Who wants to be sad in spring? February, okay. Leave my spring happiness alone you buzzkillers!

GeneralLerong April 26, 2012 at 10:12 am

Sour grapes for bitter, wizened old fruits?

Tundra Grifter April 26, 2012 at 10:16 am

Thumb up for "wizened."

Like Ole Newts' nutz. Particularly this beautiful morning.

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:13 am

That worked so well for Jimmy Carter's re-election!

Seriously, these guys all claim to worship Ronald Reagan, but they don't seem to have learned a damn thing from the man.

Kind of like Jesus.

Respitetini April 26, 2012 at 10:16 am

Well, to give them some credit, they are doing their level best to fuck the poor people. Doesn't that count for anything anymore?

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

Jesus didn't fuck poor people!

Oh. Wait…you may have a point there.

Chichikovovich April 26, 2012 at 10:48 am

They seem to have absorbed the whole "construct a version of reality based solely on wishful thinking, fantasies from old movies and 1950's John Birch pamphlets rather than than any evidence from the ("so-called") real world" thing pretty well.

BerkeleyBear April 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

Yeah, but when you don't wrap it in telegenic grandpa or doofusy ignoramus, it doesn't work so well.

Fare la Volpe April 26, 2012 at 1:04 pm

They don't remember things they said not two minutes ago, which is some classic Reagan.

skoalrebel April 26, 2012 at 10:13 am

I'm all fired up about Mitt. [spit!] He likes firing people, and I like setting fire to crosses. [spit!]

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:37 am

If Mitt held his arms straight out, would that confuse you?

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2012 at 10:14 am

Not as bad as the time Katrina came to New Orleans and President Bush played a note-for-note rendition of Eddie Van Halen's "Eruption" on the guitar at John McCain's 151st birthday, though.

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:22 am

But you'll note Bush wasn't sad, even then.

Remember? It took the friendly black fellow during the telethon to give Bush a sadz, saying he doesn't like blah folk…THEN his little fee-fees got all bwuised

larryfinexx April 26, 2012 at 10:15 am

Romney will add flavor to the election by nominating spicy meatball Chis Christie as a running mate.

chicken_thief April 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

If Romney/Christie win, they'll have to convert a C-5 into Air Force One to haul the fat fuck around…

finallyhappy April 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

Not a C-130? Isn't that the BIG plane?

chicken_thief April 26, 2012 at 11:12 am

A C-5 can, and did, haul the fuselage of a C-130….http://www.109aw.ang.af.mil/news/story.asp?id=123115842

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:25 am

BORING CORRECTION:

Air Force Two

Because as Veep, Christie will always be a dookie.

proudgrampa April 26, 2012 at 10:57 am

I found the chair he would need for his office:
http://www.smartfurniture.com/products/Eames-Exec

Allmighty_Manos April 26, 2012 at 10:15 am

If being crabby, unpleasant and naggy worked so well for Walter Mondale, it can work for Romney.

Limeylizzie April 26, 2012 at 10:15 am

Barry makes me want to masturbate furiously and Mittens makes me want to vomit.

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:18 am

Boy, it's not going to be fun around your house during the debates!

Guppy April 26, 2012 at 10:39 am

Some people are into both.

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:57 am

I never get invited to the cool parties.

ttommyunger April 27, 2012 at 9:16 am

Considering it takes fourteen muscles to slap your monkey and only eleven to vomit, stay in shape! Watch the Barry and avoid the vominator.

Arken April 26, 2012 at 10:15 am

This is merely a precursor to his new campaign slogan- Vote for Whitey

Tundra Grifter April 26, 2012 at 10:15 am

Ohio. Richard Nixon was correct. Sooner or later, every Presidential election comes down to Ohio.

Mr. Obama wins Ohio and he stays in the White House.

(r)Money wins Ohio, and he moves in.

Get over it rest of the US of A. Every four years Ohio counts.

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:17 am

Yes, but only to three

Guppy April 26, 2012 at 10:40 am

So… Barry should shoot some college students there?

ingloriousbytch April 26, 2012 at 11:03 am

As a resident of the Buckeye state I wish what you were saying wasn't true but it is. Every four years, the candidates treat us like the hottest stripper in the club.

KotBR April 26, 2012 at 11:38 am

And then just as soon as it's over, they tip us and send us back to our abusive S/Os.

BerkeleyBear April 26, 2012 at 11:40 am

This year as in 08, Ohio is a nice win for Obama, but not absolutely necessary if he can hold on elsewhere (NC and VA, for example). But for Mitt, it is a crucial bellweather, which is why Robert Mayo Portman is getting play for Veep.

zumpie April 26, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Exactly. Obama can actually squeak out a win without Ohio, VA, NC or Florida (though I'd prefer to see at least ONE of those in the win). Currently the media is trying to pretend that Romney is competitive in Colorado (no), Nevada (no), IA (based on a conservative poll 3 months ago, so unlikely) and NH (again unlikely). These 4 states, with the other 247 guaranteed blue electoral votes put the Prez at 272.

They even know they've lost.

freakishlywrong April 26, 2012 at 10:16 am

Romney really is running as a huge, severe conservative asshole. Mittens made Newt cry ferfucksake.

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:39 am

I'm not sure Mitt had as much to do with that as the Total Perspective Vortex that forced Newt to realize, in fact, we hate him, we really really hate him!

commiegirl April 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Froopy dudes

EloquentScience April 27, 2012 at 1:16 am

Yeah, but so did the penguin.

chicken_thief April 26, 2012 at 10:16 am

But Mitt does warm and cheerful so well – I has confuse….

DustBowlBlues April 26, 2012 at 10:16 am

" It breaks my heart, he says, the failed leadership and faulty vision."

Wait a minute–I thought the Republics' strategy was to pretend 2000-2008 never happened. WTF?

MilwaukeeKent April 26, 2012 at 10:17 am

I'm dull. Vote for me. Today's GOP.

LetUsBray April 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

Dull is a plus when your other attributes are Dishonest, Clueless, and Cruel.

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:25 am

Not even wife number three!

Poindexter718 April 26, 2012 at 10:27 am

"Dear Mr. Smothers:
Gov. Romney will only do the cameo if you will change the name of the program to 'Chuckle-In' and if he can say 'Sock it to the job creators with job-killing regulations."'"

Texan_Bulldog April 26, 2012 at 10:43 am

And white.

FlownOver April 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

Mitt's only chance now is to go on Leno (again) and recreate the Jack Webb/Johnny Carson "Claude Cooper's copper clappers" routine. He won't have any trouble keeping a straight face.

Baconzgood April 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

Stezzy? Is that a Bill Cosby word?

Texan_Bulldog April 26, 2012 at 10:43 am

I'm going with Michael Steele–him being such a hip black guy and all.

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

The New Republican Party—America's Crying Towel.

Tundra Grifter April 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

(r)Money is a cold mess.

Meanwhile, Yahoo! begins to get it right:
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/yahoo-news-dav

zumpie April 26, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Yeah and there are 25 electoral votes listed as battleground that are pretty much assured to Obama.

ManchuCandidate April 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

No one won the Hundred Acre Wood US America by playing Eeyor and shitting on the Tigger.

Great job, Mittens.

BTW Mittens, no one considers being a successful leach a good thing.

Shellwith2Ls April 26, 2012 at 10:20 am

So, Mitts running mate will be a saltine?

Fare la Volpe April 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Too spicy. A nice bowl of milk toast is just the spitfire they need.

imissopus April 26, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Dunked in water to give it some edge.

WiscDad April 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

Malaise? Is that some kind of lubricant?

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:31 am

April condoms bring malaise.

WiscDad April 26, 2012 at 10:36 am

To your point…feel free to repost
http://i.qkme.me/3ozciq.jpg

Generation[redacted] April 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

Hmmm… #NotFunny, aside from being a good slogan for the Bush years, is a commonly used hashtag. When I search on it I find a mix of sour old Republicans and people talking about their pets.

Beowoof April 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

Its not like the population that will vote for him is any different. And they have bought all the bullshit the republicans have been selling, so I see this as appealing to their base.

chascates April 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

But can he find a VEEP pick as boring as he is?

SorosBot April 26, 2012 at 10:35 am

This is good news for T-Paw!

Dudleydidwrong April 26, 2012 at 10:40 am

Senate minority leader Mitch "Buzzsaw" McConnell might qualify. Boehner's orange would be too bright. Romney couldn't compete with that.

Generation[redacted] April 26, 2012 at 10:43 am

This is good news for Inanimate Carbon Rod

BerkeleyBear April 26, 2012 at 11:43 am

Consider the cornucopia of choices – Rob Portman, Tim Pawlenty, Mitch Daniels, Bobby Jindal (brown mayo). And Marco Rubio did his best to bland himself in his recent appearances.

Tundra Grifter April 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

Here's a morning visual for you, courtesy of POLITICO:

THE JUICE – Eric Fehrnstrom profile in GQ, "Mitt Romney's Dark Knight," by Jason Zengerle: "Over the course of his decade with Romney, [Kevin] Madden says, Fehrnstrom has become 'a Tom Hagen figure. He's consigliere to the governor.' … If Karl Rove was Bush's brain, then Fehrnstrom is Romney's balls."

http ://gqm.ag/JpoUig

DemmeFatale April 26, 2012 at 10:29 am

Is he Eric "Etch-a-Sketch" Fehrnstrom?

Dudleydidwrong April 26, 2012 at 10:41 am

Eric Fehrnstrom was the model for Truck Nutz?

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

Somebody should have kept Mitt in the refrigerator instead of leaving him out on the counter to get stale and soggy, especially since he is full of malaise. Food safety, people!

DemmeFatale April 26, 2012 at 10:24 am

What a sneaky way to brighten my morning, (AGAIN!).

Jus_Wonderin April 26, 2012 at 10:25 am

All I need to know from Mitt is…are the trees the right height?

noodlesalad April 26, 2012 at 10:25 am

It's Mourning in America. Wait, I think we're doing this wrong….

DustBowlBlues April 26, 2012 at 10:26 am

Having now watched the video, I'm wondering if this ad is meant to appeal only to Young Republicans like the bowtie-wearing piece of smarm mugging for the camera–he's over Romney right (no, our right) shoulder.

And what's with the kid who just wants to cuddle with his dad rather than be a part of the Romney 'bot brigade? And how annoyed his dad looks when his son doesn't follow the script?

AND you know Romney is boring when you watch the thing once and notice the oddities in the crowd more than the actual speaker. Seriously–did the DNC hack into the RNC's computer and put this Democratic ad on their computer? It just proves that all the cool kids and hipsters prefer Obama to the earnest stiff in the plastic hair.

DemmeFatale April 26, 2012 at 10:42 am

Yeah, that little kid sure looked uncomfortable.
Looked like he was wearing a suit.
Poor little guy, doesn't stand a chance!

Baconzgood April 26, 2012 at 10:26 am

Dumb ad. Remember when Clinton played his sax on Arsenio? Sure lost the election for slick Willy didn't it.

anniegetyerfun April 26, 2012 at 10:32 am

Being cool is so lame.

Generation[redacted] April 26, 2012 at 10:38 am

We don't need an America that's cool. We need an America with a ginormous stick up its ass #NotFunny

DemmeFatale April 26, 2012 at 10:45 am

Stick up its ass = GOP
(Seems like its always been that way.)

DalePues April 26, 2012 at 10:27 am

Jimmy Fallon has a pretty good voice. Maybe the Romney candidate can get Wayne Newton or Perry Como.

actor212 April 26, 2012 at 10:32 am

Nah, they want to be relevant to the kids, so Ted Nugent

BTWBFDIMHO April 26, 2012 at 10:56 am

Here's Fallon as Neil Young. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bUgzGJK7Kw&fe

Toomush_Infer April 26, 2012 at 10:30 am

So Mitt wants to be the dust bunny of our dreams?….

rambone April 26, 2012 at 10:30 am

As any good GOPer could tell you, you lose the general election with the wooden, privileged, magic underwear wearing tool you have, not with the moronic, xenophobic, frothing, hate-filled bigot you wish you had.

NorbertsRevenge April 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I would give this even more upfists but my arm is getting tired.

Schmegeg April 26, 2012 at 10:33 am

Cray as much as you want, Mittens. A person who sticks his money offshore to avoid taxes cannot be President.

Texan_Bulldog April 26, 2012 at 10:46 am

It would be nice if some folks on Barry's re-election campaign staff brought that up a few times. Oh and where are Mitt's tax returns? Hm? We're still waiting.

charliearglist April 26, 2012 at 10:33 am

That could easily have been made as an anti-Mitt ad…in fact I had to read the "Paid for by the National Republican Committee" tag at the end to be sure I hadn't misunderstood.

anniegetyerfun April 26, 2012 at 10:34 am

Oh, hell, most of Mitt's supporters are already living through a haze of Prozac and cheap beer. But they will nod sagely at whatever he says, and vote for the guy with the least amount of pigment.

elburritodeluxe April 26, 2012 at 10:38 am

Carter-iffic!

FakaktaSouth April 26, 2012 at 10:38 am

I hope they do this all election – next ad could be all about Mitt's sore feet and how tired he is from standing behind podiums, juxtaposed with PresO dancing with his beautiful wife. Then they can do one about Mitt's flaccid penis, and Pres O singing Al Green, one about Mitt's no-caffeine/alcohol diet next to PresO drinking a beer, just on and on. I think it perfectly encapsulates the differences. The RNC should run with this. GO Reince Priebus, GO!

Generation[redacted] April 26, 2012 at 10:42 am

Democrats getting the women's vote vs Republicans getting the caterpillar vote.

ttommyunger April 27, 2012 at 9:18 am

Your forgot "tiny".

SorosBot April 26, 2012 at 10:38 am

Why is Romney talking about unemployment when he promises policies that will make it worse?

Generation[redacted] April 26, 2012 at 10:41 am

He's just trying to contrast himself. "Half of all college grads are out of work" vs "I want to make college more affordable" — way to make the choice clear, Mittens!

FakaktaSouth April 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

Worse for whom? Most people? Americans? Obviously you are among those wanting to kick successful people in the shins for their largesse. (even though NO ONE in this country has become wealthy without a little something kicked in from the Government but whatever, nanny state lovers.)

sbj1964 April 26, 2012 at 10:42 am

Mitt Romeny is so lame he makes Al Gore look like a rockstar.Can't wait till November for his beatdown.

GeneralLerong April 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

And for Veep, the re-animated corpse of Phyllis Schlafly.

Oh, wait. She isn't medically dead yet?

rickmaci April 26, 2012 at 10:51 am

The GOTeaP strategy in the campaign is clear: get 47% of the vote while proving Romoney is the most uninteresting man in the world, then start getting ready for 2016….

not that Dewey April 26, 2012 at 11:04 am

"Vote for the other guy"

Gunner Asch April 26, 2012 at 11:15 am

I'm mostly deaf and Mitt's dogwhistling was still piercing.

MarionNYNY April 26, 2012 at 11:22 am

I'm confused. No snark. That was an ad for Willard Mittington McDuck? Seriously?

mavenmaven April 26, 2012 at 11:38 am

Even John McCain looked more vital than Willard does in that video. The GOP must really want the white senior vote.

fuflans April 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

a better america begins tonight

sounds like an ad for lube.

owhatever April 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Barry can do more with a soft "Oh, yeah" than Mitt can do on his best day ever, saying anything.

Callyson April 26, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Yeah–I know I'd rather have a beer with Mittens than with the President.

If this is the best they've got, I'm starting to feel better about November. But I still wish we did not have six bloody months to go…six more months of this crap…

fitley April 26, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Romney is a piece of whitebread used as toilet paper.

DocChaos April 26, 2012 at 1:39 pm

My fear is the Republicans will figure out they need to keep Romney out of his own ads, and probably Obama too.

I expect by November it will just be random images of Clint Eastwood and Idi Amin with a baritone narrator describing the horror that awaits us come a second Obama term.

Generation[redacted] April 26, 2012 at 2:40 pm

My fear is Romney will run a $10 million campaign, and anonymous corporations like this one will run a $500 million campaign.

Wile E. Quixote April 26, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Either that or they'll just have an ad that shows Mitt and Ann sitting on top of a hill in a pair of bathtubs.

horsedreamer_1 April 26, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Tell me, again, which party's most revered President was an actual celebrity; in fact, the representative for all celebrity kind, as their union leader?

Generation[redacted] April 26, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Hey! #NotFunny

imissopus April 26, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Way to go after the youth vote, Mitt.

StealthMuslin April 26, 2012 at 3:02 pm

The secret to elevating mediocre material to Comic Greatness: Get Republicans to say it's not funny.

PhilippePetain April 26, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Why don't the Republicans just put out an ad begging their wives not to run away with That Terrible Negro again? it would be hilarious if the Republican subconscious was allowed to speak in public.

Veritas78 April 26, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Too late. That big Hafrican "Long Form" has already penetrated every frustrated republican wife's subconscious. They dream about him, and then they moan for him.

You'd be cleaning your gun, too, if you were a fat white republican male. It's the one reliably hard thing in reach.

The Barackness Monster is Barry White. He knows what buttons to push. Mitt can have as many wives as he wants—it takes Barack to keep 'em happy.

Nice to see we can dog-whistle, too!

Wile E. Quixote April 26, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Every time the Republicans complain about President Obama I'm reminded of Kent Dorfman in Animal House whining "The negroes took our dates."

Wile E. Quixote April 26, 2012 at 8:51 pm

What is this anyways. An advertisement for Depends Adult Magical Mormon Undergarments?

ttommyunger April 27, 2012 at 9:22 am

Some say Mittens has a "tin ear" when it comes to politics, like when he heard of the Egyptian Parliament's move to legalize post-mortem wife-porking, his immediate response was: "Heck, I've been doing that for years, right, Ann? Heh, heh.".

Fare la Volpe April 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm

American Public: *shrug*

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