Not even kidding: R-Cocke CountyOh, yeah, Tennessee state Rep. Jeremy Faison is VERY VERY SORRY about the awful thing he said, about the gay children who killed themselves in his state after they had been bullied for being so very queer. Just how stupid is fat fuckface up there?

We can’t continue to legislate everything. We’ve had some horrible things happen in America and in our state, and there’s children that have actually committed suicide, but I will submit to you today that they did not commit suicide because of somebody bullying them. They committed suicide because they were not instilled the proper principles of where their self-esteem came from at home.”


RLY. The “proper principles” like probably not being such fags, we guess. But it’s not like he’s a big expert on homo stuff, ’cause he is godfearing (“attended” Clearwater Christian College and Northland Baptist Bible College) and has four children who doubtless HAVE been raised with proper principles of where their self-esteem comes from (not being fags), so you could see why this well-meaning fellow would accidentally make a gaffe in his pants. Nope, most of his bills pertain to goin’ offroadin’ and making sure funds are not allocated to implement enforcement of new child labor regulations. But it’s true we can’t continue to “legislate everything,” except when it comes to uteruses and men’s bottoms. THIS GUY!

Anyway, Faison represents Cocke County, for serious, so haha? Oh, Tennessee, never change. (Kidding, kidding, you’re horrible just the way you are!) [Tennessean]

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  • Barb

    I bet he has a Confederate flag prom dress in his closet.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      It's his Prom souvenir, so he's never cleaned the blood and semen out of it!

    • And a Robert E Lee buttplug for when he's feeling… um… festive.

      • chicken_thief

        For his Robert E Lee buttplug he shoves a life sized mannequin of the General up his ass.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          And by The General, you mean the orange car Beau & Luke used to tear around in, right?

          • chicken_thief

            Gives new meaning to “going to the drive-in”….

    • Ruhe

      And that's where his self-esteem comes from. He gets the dress out once in a while, puts it on and sits in front of a mirror sipping a bourbon slush (made with Jack Daniels, natch, For Tennessee!) then starts talking to his reflection about what a lovely young woman he is. Then it's all "Oh my, General. Oh my goodness!" And then a nice nap.
      The next day his self-esteem is so high that not only is he bully-proof, he in fact feels the need to go to the Tennessee state house and do some bullying of his own.

    • sullivanst

      Assuming he's not wearing it right now, that is, indulging in some autoerotic asphyxia.

    • Along with fourteen or twenty rent boys.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Closet hell…I bet he's wearing it under his suit.

  • Man0nTheStreet

    Perhaps the properly principled thing to do would been to kill the bullies first?
    'Cause Tennessee luvs its GUNS!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Stand Your Ground, you homosexual teenagers!

      • chicken_thief

        Or kneel, as you choose…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yes indeedy … gay kids should exhibit "proper principles", and point the gun at other people's heads. That's the way it's done in Teabaggistan.

    • Eve8Apples

      Don't retreat fags! Reload!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'm sure this guy would be all over it if those kids had committed suicide after listening to Ozzy or Judas Priest.

    Or Journey.

    • I would have killed myself over hearing that Celine Dion song about the sinking ship.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        You could try to kill yourself, but I bet your heart would go on.

        • Boo.

          • Dashboard Buddha

            Laughing now.

          • Doktor StrangeZoom

            When I lived in Osaka, one store in a nearby shopping center had that musical atrocity playing on a continuous loop. Nothing else.

            Fortunately, I had the proper principles to survive hearing it.

          • LetUsBray

            Cripes, what kind of labor laws do they have in Japan? It's hard to fathom that kind of cruelty being inflicted on the poor saps who work at that shop.

          • tessiee

            I can beat that.

            My first after-school job was next door to a record store (remember those?). One Saturday before christmas, they played the barking dogs version of "Jingle Bells" non-stop for the entire day.

            I still hate that song.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          And then Republicans' would insist that your spouse keep you alive (as they know better than you about these things).

        • SoBeach

          Not cool. Not cool at all.

        • SorosBot

          Aaah! Isn't reminding people of that song a violation of the Geneva Conventions?

          • The Geneva what, now?

            The only Geneva "-tions" I know of are the Geneva Confections.

            Mmmmmmmmm, candy………….

          • Dashboard Buddha

            I think you may be confusing it with Tomorrow from Annie.

            ♫ Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, you're only a day away!♫

      • First Journey and now Celine?

        You're trying to kill yourself by proxy, ain't you?

      • ibwilliamsi

        ANY Celine Dion song…

    • anniegetyerfun

      Chances are that he's all over kids all the time, if you know what I mean (he's Republican).

    • Tommy1733

      Yeah, but not when they chose to end their precious life after listening to their "pastor".

  • Exhausted66

    One sure way to help mourning parents is to blame mourning parents.

    • Snark off. Your comment rang psychic bells w/ me. I had the experience of living in the Santa Clara area w/ extended family when the Chronicle began serializing the story of Bobby Griffiths, a teen who took his life after dealing with bullying for this. When his mom saw she'd had some (i.e. Presbyterian/ denialist/ pray-it-away) influence in her son's state of mind she joined PFLAG, lost a ton of friends, fended off their jeers to become an arch-proponent of the cause. Reading Bobby's teenage diary excerpts in the paper then, as I was still a teen myself, radically changed me, since I'd been raised alongside similar Puritanical values; I credit his mom's honesty w/ helping me shed some misbegotten attitudes.
      /snark on — Thumbs aplenty for your short but telling point.

  • DrunkIrishman

    The Conservative – kind of like THE Ohio State University. Of course he's a douchebag.

    Someone should bully this fat fuck. Go toss Twinkies at him while he's legislating and tell the pig to slop it up like the ugly, fat piece of pink slime he is.

    Then they should shit on his face and force his wife to lick it up.

    Yeah, that's insulting and ugly – just like this turd of a man.

    • Now now, he's fat simply because he wasn't taught proper principles at home.

      Like how to push a chair away from a table or how to use a fork.

      • bikerlaureate

        Very nice.

        Successful installation of "the proper principles of where their self-esteem came from" is automatic when you're white and "straight" and male in this fine God-blessed land of ours.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    FAISON sounds like the acronym for some Dad/Boi group.


      • FraAnima

        It's just Turk!

      • tessiee

        Never heard of him, but "Turk Turkleton" has to be at least in the top three Most Awesome Names Ever.

        [the other two would be Dick Lugar, and actor Deiter Laser]

    • iburl

      Farkers All In Stanky Orafaces Nightly

  • OzoneTom

    And others become self-loathing Republicans.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    First they came for the bullies, and I did not speak up because they had my head in a toilet…

    • I want to have sex with this comment, I love it so much

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I don't think he's sorry at all.

    • Apologetic?



      Um, yea. Real sorry.

  • rickmaci

    Bubba Billy JoeBob might want to listen to what Pat Robertson has to say about bullying gays. Not that ole' Pat is a paragon of tolerance but at least he is still hanging on by his finger tips to some semblance of the precepts of his faith.

  • chicken_thief

    "The Conservative"? Or the "Severely Conservative"? Fucking douche doesn't know you gotta add adjectives these days.

  • criminogenic

    fat fuck

  • chascates

    And the state has no principals with principles who would stop this bullying.

  • Sassomatic

    Also, it is Whitney Houston's fault, for setting a bad example.

  • prommie

    And all them darkies, what was lynched, they weren't instilled with the proper white skin at home, too.

    • Ruhe

      No, no. It's not the skin. It was that steady diet of watermelon and chitterlings…that'll give you "fragile neck-bone syndrome" which can be fatal under certain "strenuous" conditions.

  • I dunno. I'd have to say that bullies didn't grow up with "proper" principles. Hard to when the old man is usually an insufferable asshole with a inferiority complex.

  • fuflans

    on the plus side, he's going to asplode at any moment.

  • keinsignal

    Man I would like to instill this guy with some proper principles of where having a single shred of fucking decency comes from.

    Violently, if at all possible.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    He really does have the most punchable face, doesn't he?

    • anniegetyerfun

      I feel like it would be this soft, welcoming envelopment of my fist*.

      *(insert** graphic lesbian sex joke here)
      **(heh, "insert")

  • chascates

    Rep. Jeremy Faison didn't descend from apes. No sir, he descended from dung beetles.

    • There's some angry dung beetles here who would like a word with you …

  • Man0nTheStreet

    When his Pa made him "squeal piggy" while gettin' raped, that was parenting, not bullying.

    • MissTaken

      That's how his Pa "instilled" proper principles.

      • You has a purty mouf, son….

  • Dashboard Buddha

    I'm amazed that this fucktard doesn't have to go through daily emergency surgery to have a foot removed from his ass. Seriously…how does someone this vile not get beat down on a regular basis?

    • Man0nTheStreet

      He's such a gross gooey load no one will touch him, even with a weapon!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "The Conservative"? Is that like that guy from Jersey, "The Situation"? Because that guy is a douche, too.

    • tessiee

      True, but The Situation is like twenty, an age when it's almost mandatory to have your head up your ass. What's the big fat cracker's excuse?

  • prommie

    BTW, is "cranial coitus" acceptable? Cephalic intromission?

  • I will submit to you today that they did not commit suicide because of somebody bullying them. They committed suicide because they were not instilled the proper principles of where their self-esteem came from at home.

    Yes, I'm sure that Dad, between his drunken stupors and Mom, nailing Uncle Joe, really have high self-esteem, douchebag.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    No snark today. This guy just makes me angry and sad. Can't even muster any naughty words to throw at him.

  • Callyson

    Faison later issued a statement saying that he regretted the choice of words and that his opposition to cyberbullying legislation is rooted in a belief that lawmakers should not criminalize childhood bullying.
    “After reviewing my comments on the House Floor today, I regret what was a poor choice of words. My true intent was to protect children from becoming criminals. Suicide has touched my family, and I would never want a parent or family member to feel they were responsible for such an unimaginable tragedy.”

    You know what's really criminal? Hating on gay people, asshole…

    • Suicide has touched my family

      Which cousin-brother killed hisself, I wonder?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      " Suicide has touched my family"

      Let me guess, his gay brother, cousin, etc. whom he bullied to death?

    • chicken_thief

      Huh? Generally when one "clarifies" something, it sounds sorta like the original statement, but with more detail or littler words or something. This sounds nothing like what he originally said.

      You wanna hate fags, asshole, then man the fuck up and hate fags. Own them comments – "ya, you heard me. That's what I said and by goddamn Jesus Fucking Christ, that's what I meant!!!" Nothing worse than a pussy who hates only until he's called on it. Argggghhh!

    • SorosBot

      Of course, if those children get caught with a joint, then it's OK to make them criminals. But beating other students? That should be perfectly OK. Fuck.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Of course, if those black children get caught with a joint, then it's OK to make them criminals. (And if they beat up other students, well, what did you expect?)


  • SayItWithWookies

    Noted psychologist Jeremy Faison can diagnose the cause of suicide from afar, just like Bill Frist could diagnose what type of vegetative state a person was in. And for this remarkable talent, I hope someone shoves his principled ass down the fucking stairs. Every day for two years. Goddamn motherfucking prejudiced asshole.

  • SorosBot

    Bullied kids don't commit suicide, it's because they had low self of steam! Sort of like how guns never kill people, it's the bullets they fire which do; or how someone who dies while driving with a blood alcohol content of .15 doesn't die because they drove drunk, but because they steered their car in front of an oncoming delivery truck.

  • widestanceromance

    Suicide has not "touched his family" properly.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Oh, ya done WON me.

  • ibwilliamsi

    Well, obviously this guy hasn't looked at himself in the mirror in years.

  • metamarcisf

    Now I know where the phrase "pig in a blanket" comes from.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Snuggie libel!

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Anyone want to bet on how wide The Conservative Fat Bastard's stance is?

  • rickmaci

    My Bible Belt Twanglish is a bit rusty but what I think he is saying is, if the gayz weren't all so victimy all over the place they wouldn't be victims all the time.

    • Yeah, that's what it sounds like to me too. Hey, nice av, dood.

  • MRjonz

    Say, maybe bullied gay teens need to arm up, stand their ground, and put a few of the bullies six feet under. The right could totally get behind that, don't ya think?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Then it would be the bullies who didn't have the proper principles!

  • Fare la Volpe

    Everything about this gorilla tells me that he smashed some kid's face against a locker until he bled, but then when he got caught he claimed he was just "horsin' around."

    • Yup. And I'll bet he gets his kicks from anonymous truck-stop-whore-sex these days, too. Being the whore, that is.

    • tessiee

      There's an anecdote in one of Bill Bryson's books where he relates getting bullied by the big dumb shit of a neighbor kid, even though it would make them *both* miss a school field trip:
      Bill: You realize that you're going to miss the trip, too, right?
      Big Dumb Shit: Yup.
      Bill: Then why are you doing this?
      Big Dumb Shit: Because I can.

  • iburl

    If I was one of those parents, I would instill the proper foot of where their self-esteem came from up his ass.

  • Tommy1733


  • Fox n Fiends

    I'm sure he thinks bullies are chock -full of self-esteem.

    • tessiee

      Unfortunately, they are:

      For those who don't set much store by "Psychology today", this was the first of at least half a dozen studies I found by googling "bullies have high self-esteem".

  • cheetojeebus

    So, once this guy shuffles off this mortal coil, do the worms turn up their little wormy noses at him? Worm off elsewhere for worm sustenance? I think there is a good chance they do.

    • Face it, if he was one of your dining choices, you would too.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      There's some shit even a worm won't eat.

  • Eve8Apples

    The Romans killed Jesus because Jesus did not have a proper Christian upbringing. His mother Mary was always runnin' around with whatever deity happened to be in town.

  • owhatever

    I want to apologize to some of the families of any of the little queers that offed theyselfs. Rocky Top!

  • Generation[redacted]

    His face hit my fist because it didn't have the proper principles.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Just think about it. Since his state is most likely one of those that doesn't believe in science, you could personally introduce the principles of mass, velocity and sudden deceleration to Faceon.

  • Guppy

    Homosexuality and suicide? Man, those kids are some serious sinners!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Has it occured to this dickwad that it's the bullies who didn't get instilled with "proper principles" at home? No, of course not … because these are teabagger "family values" we're talking about.

    • bikerlaureate

      The victims must be blamed – such an obvious LIEberal ploy. Soft bigotry of no expectations, etc.

  • johnnymeatworth

    This is the kind of person who wonders what the Jews did to piss Hitler off so bad.

  • teebob2000

    Proposed new website heading banner:

    Jeremy Faison
    "The Pigfaced Hatefilled Motherfucking Cocksucking Braindead Asshat"

  • misedumacated

    A bovine buffoon if ever I saw one.

  • anniegetyerfun

    YES. That actually sounds kind of nice.

  • I actually agree with this cretin's comment. Proper principles would have involved standing up to these bullies, preferably with a sharp hit to their nose. Though I suppose that even just realizing that these "people" pulling this nonsense are subhuman cretins would be adequate.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Seeing as Jeremy here is all for gay kids having "self esteem", I'm sure he'll be front and center in supporting a "Gay Pride" parade in downtown Memphis.

  • Franknflower

    As someone who has just finished a year of intense therapy trying to undo the internalized homophobia instilled by my rather passive parents, shut the fuck up, Jeremy. Fortunatley, I was too big and mean looking to be bullied by fat fucks like you.

  • BornInATrailer

    O' these naive voters: JC! Fairy men!

    • BornInATrailer

      Not a single pee point. Well fuck me for making that anagram of "Jeremy Faison – The Conservative"

  • a_pink_poodle

    The proper principles are to suppress your feelings while secretly looking at gay porn until you're 40's where your secret will be discovered and sink your political aspirations like the good Lord intended.

  • Speakin as someone who lives right down I-40 from Cocke County, let me just say they are fucking crazy and don't ever go there. This douchenozzle not withstanding they will shoot you in the knees and then turn your skull into a methbong that they will pass around their filthy, toothless trailer park. I'll take lessons on values from a Cocke-head right after I'm done with my proper police procedures course being headed up by Mark Furman.

    • tessiee

      "they will shoot you in the knees and then turn your skull into a methbong"

      And then say they read somewhere in the bible to do it.

  • ttommyunger

    "Suicide has touched my family…" Go on………

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Jeremy…can you show us on the doll where suicide has touched your family?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Given that this douchebag is still with us, "blindly swiped at" would be the more accurate term.

  • PandoraLaura

    "…came from at home.” Home? Maybe homes — or lack thereof — are what these these trifling Tennessee legislators should be worrying about. During a road trip last month, I stopped for the night in a small Tennessee town, the one south of a giant cross with the giant dragon- thing overlooking 75. I'm outside smoking with a lady who works at the clean Motel 6, and she's pointing to the Super 8 saying she works there, too, and will work for the closed down one when it reopens. Great, business is picking up in town, I say. She looks at me like Im clueless: "No, we live here," she says. Sure enough, that next morning , about three other families were dropping their children off at the bus stop. At least they were still going to school, I guess, and not working yet.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "Suicide has touched my family…"

    "Touched"? Given that this douchebag is still with us, "blindly swiped at" would be the more accurate term.

  • tessiee

    Shorter Congresscracker: "Them queers was askin fer it".

  • Is it my imagination or does he look like an older version of the closeted football player on Glee who used to beat up Kurt when he wasn't trying to kiss him? Must just be a coincidence.
    (Oh crap, did I just admit to having watched Glee?

  • DahBoner

    Most gay kids with low self-esteem have Straight parents….

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