Hahaha, get it? Get it? Because douchey White House party crasher Tareq Salahi’s douchey wife disappeared for a while and instead of offering up a prayer of gratitude like a normal person would, he was all OH NOEZ MY WIFE IS BEEN KIDNAPPED, but she was just cold hidin’ out and banging some dude from Journey? Good times, good times. Anyhoo, nobody has paid attention to Tareq Salahi for months now, and that simply will not do! So he is doing what anybody would do when they have an insatiable need for daily hatred from the press and the American public: he is running for governor of Virginia!
The news of Salahi’s bid for the governorship comes days after Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, who is also running for governor as a Republican, filed suit against Salahi for allegedly cheating customers who bought wine tours from his Northern Virginia company.
Because of course he is. Has he ever apologized for getting Desiree Rogers fired? Probably not, right? Why apologize for things — or for that matter, why not allegedly cheat customers who bought wine tours from you — when you are an American who manages to sometimes be on television for being among our most enjoyably loathsome? Maybe Donald Trump will run for Virginia governor next! [TimesDispatch]
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Any way you want it that's the way you need it any way you want it.
She loves to laugh
She loves to sing
She does everything
She loves to move
She loves to groove
She loves the lovin' things
I guess Virginia is for lovers after all…
She was lovin', touching, squeezing, another!
And now they've touched and went their separate ways.
What's next, Callista?
Tareq Salahi, Don't Stop Believin'.
Don't piss off the Cooch.
Tareq, better check your name. You live in a southern state. You have a foreign sounding name. You. Will. Lose. Take that money and buy the Journey box set.
The governors of Louisiana & S. Carolina might have different advice for him… like "Go on the 700 Club and declare yourself a Born-Again Christian. Do it Right Now! "
Good point. Maybe he could change his name to Derrick Sally or something, too.
No no – let him keep the godless heathen darky name – it'll highlight how he overcame his racial handicap to find the Truth of White Jesus.
Something along the lines of Billy-Bob Salahi. Best of both worlds.
ThunderDome! – Two douchbags enter, no one leaves!
We don't need another hero.
We don't need to know the way home.
These two are awesome!
It is a sad day when Ken Cuccinelli seems like the good guy.
No, he still doesn't.
Salahi for allegedly cheating customers who bought wine tours from his Northern Virginia company.
In fairness, if you're in Virginia to tour their vineyards, you're a fucking rube.
Like going to Topeka for the sea food.
Or Tulsa for Mexican food.
Or Chinese food….and God forbid, don't ever go to a sushi restaurant anywhere in OK.
ANYBODY who goes to a sushi restaurant *inland* deserves the ensuing case of food poisoning.
Now that's what I call “The war on terroir.”
You got MY vote for best comment of whenever.
"So then my wife goes off with some guy from Journey. And besides that, I don't even get free tickets to their concert. And the White House won't even let me near the place anymore. Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. Ha! That'll be $50."
The Virginia Governor's mansion – what's that, a double-wide?
You bet. Though, they still have to take their whore baths at an I95 reststop.
No, the double wide is his wife.
His Cabinet meets in the Chevy on blocks on the lawn
As the stomach churns, so go the daze of her thighs. Or something like that, not being a daytime teeveer.
I hate journey, I don't care that the dude used to play for Zappa.
I hated them from the day they shit-canned Aynsley Dunbar because his drumming style was too free-wheeling. Fuck you and your assembly-line rock, Schon.
I hate Journey too. They were always the Couple Skate song at the Holiday Skate Center – something something faithfully – I dunno. My uncle used to live next door to Steve Perry in Bel Monte in the 80s. Dude had a Porsche with "RocPays" as his vanity license plate tag. I think that about sums it up.
Another milestone in my "journey" to Schon/Perry hatred occurred in the summer of 79, I was living in an apartment complex in Houston and a neighbor got shitfaced drunk one night and passed out in his apt with the 45 for "Wheel in the Sky" cranked up to 11 on endless repeat; his apt was locked and no amount of door and window banging would awaken him and it played over and over for about six hours before he finally regained consciousness. I still go into a fugue state whenever that song comes on the radio.
That is the funniest, and scariest!, story I have ever heard.
On behalf of all of San Francisco, I am sooo sorry for Journey. And for Huey Lewis and the News.
You don't need to apologize; Journey is fine, and fun. If you want to apologize for anyone, it should be the Grateful Dead or Counting Crows.
The. Dead.
?
Dude, Deadheads are like zombies: you can keep shooting but they keep coming, wave after wave! You might want to qualify that statement a bit.
What did the Dead Head say when he ran out of acid?
"Dude, this music sucks."
Hence the zombieism…
Apology accepted.
But if you apologize for Frumious Bandersnatch…well, there will be a letter to the Chronicle, by gum!
Now you fucking did it, now I want a new drug.
What's the matter? Do you believe in love?
(I mean, if you're going to go full Lewis, go Full Lewis!)
The boys in the crew
Are all waiting for you!
Mom has always been disappointed that I never learned to play the Salahi. She just looks at me now, points and says "Lolo!"
Beats me………..
Wait wait wait, stand back, all you guys shaking your heads and being all, state dinner crashers or something, right? Those people? This Bravo tv whore is my territory. I can tell you all, as a person with intimate knowledge of all things housewife-ian – this is EXACTLY like when (the tiny, black, teevee character) Arnold (Coleman?) ran for Governor-ship of California, except with WAY less chance of winning (maybe more like porn "star" Mary Carey?). ANYway…Whatchu talkin' bout crazy shyster-y lying reality show dude? Haven't you been publicly humiliated enough? Stop Believing. Really.
Are you a real housewife of Alabama? Or do you just watch those shows?
I watch a lot of them while I wear out an elliptical machine, I am not kidding. It's like a sick circle jerk joke I play on myself. I could not be on one of those shows though, because I am not really a fan of the type of people who typically do this "job" – hence the constant wonkette posting while standing places where I would normally have to talk to a bunch o' bible study / cunt-ry club lovelies. We all have our coping methods.
"Dear Penthouse – You won't believe this, but I met one of the "Real Housewife of Alabama" in a politics blog, and the next thing I know, she…."
Being a douchebag doesn't automatically qualify you for higher office.
It probably helps though.
Are you ignoring the History of the United States Government? I think so!
But she's white, blonde, moderately attractive, has a lot of (her husband's) money, and apparently keeps up with all the latest plastic surgery trends. Why shouldn't she get what she wants?
I don't think it's any coincidence that she hooked up with Schon around the same time that Journey went out on a reunion tour, reminding us of why we thought they sucked moose in the first place.
So now she came to him with Open
ArmsLegs?'Cause she's over 40, that's why!
In her world of Crass & Superficial Aspiration, that's Fatal!
Do they owe us a living? Of course they do, of course they do…
Looks like someone's trying to get an invite to The Apprentice.
Or to be America's Next Mrs. Trump !
(p.s. The Transsexual Rule-change applies here also)
She ain't pretty she just looks that way.
Say, didn't Journey record that power ballad "Faithfully"?
Instead of holding previous elected office, now one's credentials for holding higher office in the USA involve being voted on or off a reality program.
Snooki/JWoww 2012!
Recalling how Virginian sometime-hero Eliot Yamin induced cognitive dissonance among American Idol viewers as he sang Journey's "Open Arms" and swapped-out the sequence of two of the verses, I must commend Salahi for further reminding me how easily the most banal things making headlines become so readily interchangeable and as good as forgotten once the 15 minutes of fame stench has washed off.
You know who else was a sociopathic phony, B-list reality grifter, who wanted to be governor?
palin?
Val Kilmer?
Jesse Ventura?
Gary Coleman?
Mike Bloomberg?
Mary Carey?
Mitt Romney?
Brilliant, Annie, just brilliant. That's why we ask the YKWE questions here at Ye Olde Wonketz. Only two upfists, but I adore the obscure, the secret surf spot if you will.
Tareq, everyone knows that Only the Lonely run for Gubmint jobs. Your ex must have really Schoned you on.
Ugh — one of the real horrors of being a Virginian is that any Republican douchebag has the potential to win the governorship (except for the one who currently holds the position). On the bright side, though, electing someone whose claim to fame is being an asshole would eliminate that tedious part of the process where we examine secondary characteristics like issues.
It is inspiring that douchey White House party crasher Tareq Salahi’s douchey wife has returned to her hobby of blowing a little dope.
Sure, why not? (cough, cough) Mooslin! (cough, cough)
If he changes his first name to Bobby, I think he's got a shot.
Wouldn't Bubba work better here?
Best yet might be the double first name: Billy Bob, Bobby Ray, Joe Don, etc.
Schon sings like he's getting his balls gnawed by a wolverine.
What balls?!?
Tom Brady gnaws balls?!!!
Well, I mean, maybe he IS. Mrs. Salahi is a little long in the tooth.
Instead of running for governor, wouldn't it be easier just to sneak past security into the Governor's mansion?
She's just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. And he's just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit. He took the midnight train going anywhere
And in this week's episode of Bat Shit Crazy Blond in the Virginia Suburbs…
Dear Tareq,
I'll be alright without you. Because when the lights go down in the city, and the sun shines on the bay, I'll come to him with open arms. Nothing to hide, believe what I say.
Don't stop believin'
Michaele
When Salahi is elected governor, I want to be the Secretary of Wineries for the Department of Agriculture. My first act will be to declare "Separate Ways (Words Apart)" the new theme song for the state of Virginia, even though that has nothing to do with wineries. When I'm fired, I will sue Salahi, win millions, and then buy his estate, which I will turn into the Journey Museum.
…followed soon after by the State's biggest arson fire….
I hate Journey!
Don't stop believin'!!!!
That's "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)," although the typo makes it funny in its own way.
I would like to formally complain that my fellow commentators have managed to get every fucking Journey song stuck in my head. There's a horrible mash-up of Open Arms, Wheel in the Sky, and Separate Ways happening right now in MissTaken's brain.
Stop the insanity!!1!
Maybe this will help:
Oh! Sherrie
Our love holds on
Holds on
*GASP*
That just come up on my iPod!*
How'd you do that????
(* yes, you may judge me. I have fond memories of this song. I'm not ashamed. Really.)
And here I was modeling my life after your ultracool self.
:|
For you? Faithfully.
Quick, think of Blue Oyster Cult! I'm Burning For You can wash out any Journey, instantly.
"Here's the story, of a man named Brady……………….."
Go back and replay this morning's thread with Slow Jammin' Barry. Works for me.
Don't worry. Be happy.
/fixed
It could be worse. For one, you once got It's A Small World After All stuck in my head. Or think of one little word in Mexican: Macarena.
This morning I woke up with Chicago's "You're The Inspiration" stuck in my head. You're welcome.
Just a Bravo cuckhold, livin' in a lonely world
She took the fame whore train goin' anywhere
Just a Journey boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the poontang train goin' anywhere
A fame whore in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For an election he can hog the spotlight
It goes on and on and on and on
Morans campaigning, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Meanwhile wife, living in desperation
Boinking, somewhere in the night.
O.T.
Condoleezza Rice, Robert Gates and Stephen Hadley are joining forces again to create a powerhouse GOP consulting shop RiceHadleyGates.
Ahhrghhh!!
Sounds like a restaurant order: I'll have the Hadley
onwith Rice and the Gates on the side.I was thinking it sounds like a fencing product. Though, the rice part would be susceptible to vermin.
Hadley Rice Gates: no free range paddy should be without them.
EDIT: Y'know, I specifically asked the barmaid for the beer without my usual mescaline…
Look, maybe democracy is a good idea in some places but it has clearly run into the ditch here in America. Your vote does not count, your taxes do not benefit you, and the greedy and religious will more and more run your lives, also into the ditch.
Better luck after the revolution. Or in a less imperialistic country.
You're just not praying hard enough, you queer pinko lib!
America! Love it or Else!
Hey, I'm TRYING to leave it but my truck hasn't started for months!!!!
I bet we should just eat more beans. Like, all week. For lunch and dinner.
Rosarita brand refried beans on a flour tortilla with cheese and hot sauce once a day. The rest of the time it's a turkey & cheese sandwich or a baked potato, or cornflakes. Eggs and bacon on payday!!!
I've been planning for the Revolution for a long time now and I think we're almost there. George Clinton and his Funkadelic Parliament will soon rule this great land of ours. This time the Revolution will most definitely be televised.
Oh, how much I wish that I didn't feel about your comment that truer words were never spoken.
Ah, the Salahis. I remember them well – that was the FIRST MAJOR SCANDAL at the White House, proving definitively that if your security detail fails to do their jobs correctly, then you are a black President, and thus, unfit to rule the greatest, best country ever in the history of the world and the universe.
i was just thinking this as i read the post. considering everything that's transpired since, makes me long for the salahis.
Hi, everyone! This is Michaele, and I'm writing from my new boyfriend's little house in Bevery Hills! It's really warm out here! And it's really easy to score drugs! Anyways, if my old boyfriend gets elected, and I really think he will, I promise to crash the inauguration ball with Neal!! Then everyone can write about me again! I welcome Talek's campaign with Open Arms!
Tareq just heard that if he runs for Governor he can get money from people and not have to pay them back. That's how he's lived his entire life.
Total disregard for the Law, can't hold on to his wimmen, conducts sharp business practices; Governor of Virginia…..Sounds like a good fit to me.
Well, in her defense, Virginia IS for lovers.
well, Tariq Salahi is Palestinian, so according to Gingrich he is an imaginary person
I would never condone hitting a woman however, he and is wife should be hit and those cunts on Housewives of Orange County. also
Touring the Virgina wine country is almost as bad an excuse as hiking the Appalachian Trail.
My native state continues to make me proud.
Alvin Greene 2!
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