Fox News Threatened By Liberals’ ‘Socialist’ Efforts In Outer Space

  space the final frontier of socialism

asteroid written and directed by james cameron

You would think that if The Liberals decided to go off to outer space to do their thing, maybe accidentally never come back, get sucked down a liberal wormhole, Fox News would be happy, but you would be wrong. Fox News reports, via Space.com, that there is a new company headed by people including Google execs Eric Schmidt and Larry Page, as well as Titantic inventor James Cameron, called Planetary Resources, which just sounds socialist, and the company intends to take its billions and go off to some asteroid and mine it for minerals, because it is over us asking China for things. The minerals will apparently add “trillions to the GDP.” One asteroid contains more minerals than this one mineral company on Earth, Platinum Group Metals, has mined in all of history. But that doesn’t matter, this all gets Fox News’s knickers in a twist, because, after all, “to whom do those trillions belong — the company, or everyone?” Oh, you.

Continues the “reporter” of this article, who may be Newt Gingrich(‘s ghostwriter):

Does a private company have a right to stake claim to an asteroid, or are celestial bodies such as the moon, planets and asteroids the communal property of all Earthlings?

“Earthlings.” That is the logical first question in a situation like this, yes. Fortunately the article answers its own questions, and reminds us that there is a law that may prevent dot-com billionaires and egomaniacal undersea explorers from profiting off rocks hurtling through space.

The most pertinent piece of law is the Outer Space Treaty (OST), an agreement signed or ratified by all spacefaring nations in 1967, which established, among other things, that no nation may claim sovereignty over space, the moon or celestial bodies.

Then the article author found another person to ask, who reads the law quite differently. Art Dula (sounds like a socialist), a space law professor at the University of Houston, thinks Planetary Resources can definitely go ahead and mine that asteroid. Why? Because we have better things to worry about. Oh, but also, because, “The 1967 Outer Space Treaty specifically permits the ‘use’ of outer space by nongovernmental entities. There is no suggestion in the treaty that commercial or business use would be prohibited.”

So despite the fact that half the sources quoted in this article tend to believe the law leaves asteroids to “the people” as opposed to the states or the federal government, per the 10th Amendment, Fox News decided to “syndicate” the article from Space.com (cut and paste it legally and then go relax in a lawn chair), but first swap out the slightly less hair-raising headline and go with, ‘Liberals Push Socialism In Outer Space,’ which also conveniently means that if people don’t read the article, they can still vote it as “OBNOXIOUS” in the little “Fox Nation Thinks This Post Is…” area, which they have. [Fox News/Sacramento Bee]

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Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

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117 comments

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe they can track it down while they're out there and send it back to you here at the Earth. Hope it's not too big, though. We've learned how that worked out for the dinosaurs.

      1. SorosBot

        Now, the dinosaurs were wiped out by a freighter sent to crash into the Earth and destroy humanity in the future by the Cybermen, which was sent back in time 65 million years thanks to the Doctor's attempts to stop them and instead hit the Earth in the past, killing the dinosaurs and that annoying whiny twit Adric.

  1. actor212

    Why does FOX News hate capitalism?

    Here we have a private venture deciding to make a profit by mining minerals in space…you know, where pollution can't copme back to haunt us?…and suddenly FOX Is all touchy-feely "our beautiful celestial neighborhood"?

    Geez, when did they start wearing girl-panties over on Sixth Avenue?

    I mean, unless it's worried that Cameron might lob a few space rocks down on FOX News HQ. Cuz that could suck, and the best response they would have would be to ban "TITANIC" from FX for, like, ever.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      By definition, everything Obama supporters do is socialism.

      Now, Trump Tower on the Moon, that's capitalism!

  2. UnholyMoses

    Wait — so some fuck at Fox believes that asteroids and other "celestial bodies" are the property of everyone?

    SOCIALIST!!11!!! BURN HIM!!!11

  3. MissTaken

    The most pertinent piece of law is the Outer Space Treaty (OST), an agreement signed or ratified by all spacefaring nations in 1967, which established, among other things, that no nation may claim sovereignty over space, the moon or celestial bodies.

    Meh, we'll just stick a flag on the asteroid and call it ours anyways.

  4. SorosBot

    Um, I don't think Fox News knows what socialism is; what Planetary Resources is doing is kind of the opposite.

    1. hagajim

      Um, I don't think Fox News knows what socialism is That, my friend might be the wisest comment ever made on the Wonkette. However, I think Fox just calls anything it doesn't like socialist – for fun.

      1. CapeClod

        True. Fox News would sing a very different tune if mining asteroids was done by a proper conservative corporation, like Weyland-Yutani Industries.

      1. Mumbletypeg

        Despite the magnitude of the disaster, news of it was covered up for many years and the Soviet government did not acknowledge the event until 1989.

        WOW. Never knew. And the piece mentions Sakharov. My day of learning is complete.

  5. SteveMcCroskey

    I'm beginning to suspect that the people at Fox News might not know what socialism means.

  6. Mahousu

    Planetary Resources is in for a big surprise, because I just bought the entire asteroid belt. Got a good deal on it, too – the guy who was selling it was asking $100, but I pointed out how broken up it was and talked him down to $20.

    Anyway, guys, it's private property now. You want to mine, you have to talk to me.

  7. LastGasp

    “… to whom do those trillions belong — the company, or everyone?”

    Why that's the kind of question Socialists ask.

  8. freakishlywrong

    Didn't they all melt down and have big fat baby tantrums over the shuttle program ended by Obama Bush? Now the invisible hand wants to go in to space and mine for minerals and that's soshalizms? The fuck?

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    Will it be okay with them if we send Rutger Hauer and the other skinjobs to do the mining?

  10. gullywompr

    They wanted to go with the headline "I Had Obama's Alien Love Child", but the photoshop guy was in the restroom at the time, and they had to hurry to get the scoop on CNN.

  11. MissTaken

    Maybe Fox News should contact the heads of Planetary Resources, Google execs Eric Schmidt and Larry Page, and ask them how to Google the word Socialism. Fox News may find the search results enlightening and the exact fucking opposite of this.

    1. actor212

      Wait a moment there, Missy. That's exactly what you'd expect from the two guys who are running this Socialist operation: change the meaning of the word to its opposite.

      Better check Conservapedia.

  12. chascates

    If the Koch brothers were involved, rather than James Cameron, this would be the greatest event in the history of free enterprise!

  13. Callyson

    Does a private company have a right to stake claim to an asteroid, or are celestial bodies such as the moon, planets and asteroids the communal property of all Earthlings?

    So, FOX thinks privatization is bad now? Jesus, this is the biggest flip flop since Mittens hit the scene…

  14. cheetojeebus

    Looks like Newt's cleared his calendar to take this bull by the horns and launch his true raison d'etre, namely to go right to the moon.

  15. Biff

    I must insist that they restrict their mining operations to daylight hours only–I'll be damned if they're gonna ruin my view of the night sky.

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    I don't know why they're having such a hard time with this. It's not like it's rocket science or something.

    Wait, what?

  17. DaRooster

    "…including Google execs Eric Schmidt and Larry Page, as well as Titantic inventor James Cameron…"

    Just replace the names with Rupert Murdoch, Karl Rove and the Koch Bros. and Fox will change their story.

  18. SorosBot

    Asteroid miners, be careful and make sure the cave you're going into is really a cave and not the mouth of a giant asteroid snake monster.

    1. MissTaken

      Those miners could also get advice from Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck on this best way to drill an asteroid.

  19. hagajim

    The good news in this – by mining uninhabited asteroids – we won't have to worry about fucking over any indigenous peoples…like we care anyway.

  20. CrunchyKnee

    Fox is just pissed cause there aint no blahs, women-folk, or messicans to exploit in space.

  21. sullivanst

    Is it just me, or does Fox appear actually to be complaining about the utter lack of communism going on here? Their objection appears to be "Ewwwwww capitalists making a profit, maybe"

  22. actor212

    Damn! How did I get banned from Fox Nation?

    Maybe it was the last time I pointed out that socialism, it does not mean what they think it means.

  23. HobbesEvilTwin

    It's kind of like those socialist European colonialists coming to US Merika and laying claim to property that already belonged to someone else.

  24. OneYieldRegular

    On the bright side, these asteroids aren't populated, so when a private company stakes a claim, genocide won't be involved the way it usually is.

  25. Sassomatic

    Sooo . . . as far as the Earth goes, none of it belongs to all Earthlings, as you say, but is to be divided up into private property. Shit in space, however, that belongs to everyone.*

    *Until the Koch brothers get their hands on it—then, get your commie pinko hands off our hard-earned asteroids, you commies.

  26. donner_froh

    I had no idea there were so many space lawyers practicing space law. Are extraterrestrial practitioners allowed to appear before the United States Space Court?

  27. HobbesEvilTwin

    Faux News has succeeded in making the word "socialism" as useless as the bush administration made the word "terrorism".

  28. niblick77

    So, Fox Nation believes the Asteroids belong to the people? How social/communist of them.

  29. notreelyhelping

    Hmm. What would this do to the price of all that gold hawked on conservative radio?

  30. CapeClod

    If we used the asteriods to lob at countries filled with brown people, Fox would be all over this.

  31. Troglodeity

    “… to whom do those trillions belong — the company, or everyone?”

    I would love to hear Mitt Romney try to answer this question.

  32. anniegetyerfun

    I look forward to Fox's round condemnation of private companies who try to buy up water rights in Third World countries – after all, don't the precious natural resources of Earth belong to all Earthlings?

    Haha, just kidding, not the brown ones, obvs.

    1. ttommyunger

      They don't quite realize that a man who hasn't had water in three days is fucking fearless.

  33. Mumbly_Joe

    I love how Planetary Resources manages to be an even creepier name for a rapacious space-pillaging multinational corporation than Weyland-Yutani was. I didn't think that was possible.

  34. ElPinche

    Cameron's thinking…"All we need is 15,000 people to die on this asteroid and IT'S SHOWTIME ! ….IN 3D!"

    …cuz it would be like the titanic and he just won't let go…ahem..whatev At least we're not liveblogging mitt's caucus or whatever tonight.

  35. Beowoof

    Ah the conservative philosophy, its mine gimme that and fuck all the others who have just as much right to it as I do, cause they don't have no rights.

  36. Beowoof

    The most pertinent piece of law is the Outer Space Treaty (OST), an agreement signed or ratified by all spacefaring nations in 1967, which established, among other things, that no nation may claim sovereignty over space, the moon or celestial bodies.

    Please this law says nothing about Corporations and they will be in charge when this stuff starts to happen and they will make all the money off the bounty of the Universe. The only prime directive for those guys is get your hands off my shit or I will shoot you.

  37. Beanball

    The people at Fox news really have no clue whatsoever how fucking stupid they are, do they?

Comments are closed.