SPACE THE FINAL FRONTIER OF SOCIALISM  2:20 pm April 25, 2012

Fox News Threatened By Liberals’ ‘Socialist’ Efforts In Outer Space

by Liz Colville

asteroid written and directed by james cameron

You would think that if The Liberals decided to go off to outer space to do their thing, maybe accidentally never come back, get sucked down a liberal wormhole, Fox News would be happy, but you would be wrong. Fox News reports, via Space.com, that there is a new company headed by people including Google execs Eric Schmidt and Larry Page, as well as Titantic inventor James Cameron, called Planetary Resources, which just sounds socialist, and the company intends to take its billions and go off to some asteroid and mine it for minerals, because it is over us asking China for things. The minerals will apparently add “trillions to the GDP.” One asteroid contains more minerals than this one mineral company on Earth, Platinum Group Metals, has mined in all of history. But that doesn’t matter, this all gets Fox News’s knickers in a twist, because, after all, “to whom do those trillions belong — the company, or everyone?” Oh, you.

Continues the “reporter” of this article, who may be Newt Gingrich(‘s ghostwriter):

Does a private company have a right to stake claim to an asteroid, or are celestial bodies such as the moon, planets and asteroids the communal property of all Earthlings?

“Earthlings.” That is the logical first question in a situation like this, yes. Fortunately the article answers its own questions, and reminds us that there is a law that may prevent dot-com billionaires and egomaniacal undersea explorers from profiting off rocks hurtling through space.

The most pertinent piece of law is the Outer Space Treaty (OST), an agreement signed or ratified by all spacefaring nations in 1967, which established, among other things, that no nation may claim sovereignty over space, the moon or celestial bodies.

Then the article author found another person to ask, who reads the law quite differently. Art Dula (sounds like a socialist), a space law professor at the University of Houston, thinks Planetary Resources can definitely go ahead and mine that asteroid. Why? Because we have better things to worry about. Oh, but also, because, “The 1967 Outer Space Treaty specifically permits the ‘use’ of outer space by nongovernmental entities. There is no suggestion in the treaty that commercial or business use would be prohibited.”

So despite the fact that half the sources quoted in this article tend to believe the law leaves asteroids to “the people” as opposed to the states or the federal government, per the 10th Amendment, Fox News decided to “syndicate” the article from Space.com (cut and paste it legally and then go relax in a lawn chair), but first swap out the slightly less hair-raising headline and go with, ‘Liberals Push Socialism In Outer Space,’ which also conveniently means that if people don’t read the article, they can still vote it as “OBNOXIOUS” in the little “Fox Nation Thinks This Post Is…” area, which they have. [Fox News/Sacramento Bee]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 117 comments }

VaWyo April 25, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Hope Moon Mayor Gingrich doesn't make any money off this venture.

ChernobylSoup April 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"Sir, it is quite possible that this mayor is not entirely stable."

mormos April 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I knew that pbs "star gazer" guy was evil!

Barb April 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Trump should send some people there to look for Obama's birth certificate.

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I have no doubt he would not want to pull Obama's birth certificate out of his asteroid.

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Oddly, this idea was first proposed by Larry Pournelle who is not only conservative but a Paultard.

RON PAUL

starfanglednut April 25, 2012 at 2:27 pm

He's gonna legalize weed. ON THE MOON!

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Ground control to Major Bong…

UnholyMoses April 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Commencing toking … lighter on …

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Giant tokes are what you take, smoking on the moon

Mumbletypeg April 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"I hope my pipe don't break / Toking on the moon"

SorosBot April 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

There are no laws on the moon, so it's already legal there!

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Dude, there's a Messican farm on the dark side already!

Radiotherapy April 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Whore Asteroids!

Mumbletypeg April 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I wish I had more thumbs for this~

ProgressiveInga April 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm

What's the stock symbol for nanu nanu?

Generation[redacted] April 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

ORK

sullivanst April 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm

SZBT?

OneYieldRegular April 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Spooooo.

DerrickWildcat April 25, 2012 at 2:27 pm

They better not destroy the asteroid that I bought for 50 dollars. I have the certificate!

Biff April 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

If it doesn't specifically state you also own the mineral rights, it sucks to be you.

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

What? All he has to do is fly up there and stand on it with a shotgun. Easy peasy!

Biff April 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Gives new meaning to Florida's “Stand Your Ground” law, don't it?

bagofmice April 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Do you have the long form earth certificate?

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Ow.

SorosBot April 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

You didn't buy it from a Ferengi, did you? You can't trust those guys.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Maybe they can track it down while they're out there and send it back to you here at the Earth. Hope it's not too big, though. We've learned how that worked out for the dinosaurs.

SorosBot April 25, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Now, the dinosaurs were wiped out by a freighter sent to crash into the Earth and destroy humanity in the future by the Cybermen, which was sent back in time 65 million years thanks to the Doctor's attempts to stop them and instead hit the Earth in the past, killing the dinosaurs and that annoying whiny twit Adric.

glamourdammerung April 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I would think that might increase the value.

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Why does FOX News hate capitalism?

Here we have a private venture deciding to make a profit by mining minerals in space…you know, where pollution can't copme back to haunt us?…and suddenly FOX Is all touchy-feely "our beautiful celestial neighborhood"?

Geez, when did they start wearing girl-panties over on Sixth Avenue?

I mean, unless it's worried that Cameron might lob a few space rocks down on FOX News HQ. Cuz that could suck, and the best response they would have would be to ban "TITANIC" from FX for, like, ever.

Generation[redacted] April 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm

By definition, everything Obama supporters do is socialism.

Now, Trump Tower on the Moon, that's capitalism!

CapnFatback April 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

May the force be redistributed amongst you!

UnholyMoses April 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Wait — so some fuck at Fox believes that asteroids and other "celestial bodies" are the property of everyone?

SOCIALIST!!11!!! BURN HIM!!!11

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

James Cameron?!? I hope they're not going to try mining on LV-426!!!

Sharkey April 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Gives new meaning to "Roid Rage"… amirite?

MissTaken April 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

The most pertinent piece of law is the Outer Space Treaty (OST), an agreement signed or ratified by all spacefaring nations in 1967, which established, among other things, that no nation may claim sovereignty over space, the moon or celestial bodies.

Meh, we'll just stick a flag on the asteroid and call it ours anyways.

ManchuCandidate April 25, 2012 at 2:41 pm

"I claim this planet in the name of Duck Dodgers and the 25 1/2 CENTURY!!!!"

"B-b-b-big Deal!"

starfanglednut April 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

50% of Americans can find this asteroid, such as, on a map.

criminogenic April 25, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I think this is where the people of the Iraq are.

and no I didn't fuck my sister

SorosBot April 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Um, I don't think Fox News knows what socialism is; what Planetary Resources is doing is kind of the opposite.

hagajim April 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Um, I don't think Fox News knows what socialism is That, my friend might be the wisest comment ever made on the Wonkette. However, I think Fox just calls anything it doesn't like socialist – for fun.

CapeClod April 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

True. Fox News would sing a very different tune if mining asteroids was done by a proper conservative corporation, like Weyland-Yutani Industries.

ProgressiveInga April 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Does Neil deGrasse Tyson approve this message?

ManchuCandidate April 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

In space, no one can hear Faux whine.

Biff April 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Sign me up as a space slave miner, then.

MissTaken April 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I saw Avatar, does this mean I have to have ponytail sex with blue people?

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm

*getting woad juice*

Funny, you don't look Druish…

Mumbletypeg April 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I can't decide which of the following Sarah Palin would more appropriately have named after herself — a "shooting" star or a falling star.

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:37 pm

For a while in college, she was a black hole.

What?

Biff April 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

She comes off as being pretty shooty.

ManchuCandidate April 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Mumbletypeg April 25, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Despite the magnitude of the disaster, news of it was covered up for many years and the Soviet government did not acknowledge the event until 1989.

WOW. Never knew. And the piece mentions Sakharov. My day of learning is complete.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Maybe they'll start mining operations on the Planet of Women. Oh yeah!!

ManchuCandidate April 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm
SteveMcCroskey April 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I'm beginning to suspect that the people at Fox News might not know what socialism means.

CapnFatback April 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

If I can give any considerable space advice to James Cameron for when he's a-mining on that asteroid it's this: if a translucent triangular spaceship expelling round pellets heads your way, ABANDON ASTEROID!

Mahousu April 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Planetary Resources is in for a big surprise, because I just bought the entire asteroid belt. Got a good deal on it, too – the guy who was selling it was asking $100, but I pointed out how broken up it was and talked him down to $20.

Anyway, guys, it's private property now. You want to mine, you have to talk to me.

LastGasp April 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

“… to whom do those trillions belong — the company, or everyone?”

Why that's the kind of question Socialists ask.

freakishlywrong April 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Didn't they all melt down and have big fat baby tantrums over the shuttle program ended by Obama Bush? Now the invisible hand wants to go in to space and mine for minerals and that's soshalizms? The fuck?

sullivanst April 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm

INOKIYAD.

Eve8Apples April 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

You kids keep your God damn asses off my asteroid or I'll blow your heads off!

littlebigdaddy April 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Needz moar bad Bruce Willis acting.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Will it be okay with them if we send Rutger Hauer and the other skinjobs to do the mining?

gullywompr April 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

They wanted to go with the headline "I Had Obama's Alien Love Child", but the photoshop guy was in the restroom at the time, and they had to hurry to get the scoop on CNN.

MissTaken April 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Maybe Fox News should contact the heads of Planetary Resources, Google execs Eric Schmidt and Larry Page, and ask them how to Google the word Socialism. Fox News may find the search results enlightening and the exact fucking opposite of this.

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Wait a moment there, Missy. That's exactly what you'd expect from the two guys who are running this Socialist operation: change the meaning of the word to its opposite.

Better check Conservapedia.

redarmyzombie April 25, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Tsk, tsk, tsk, that would be common sense! MissTaken, I expected better from you!

MissTaken April 25, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Balls.

Wadisay April 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Hear that, Philbrick? Straight party line!

chascates April 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

If the Koch brothers were involved, rather than James Cameron, this would be the greatest event in the history of free enterprise!

Callyson April 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Does a private company have a right to stake claim to an asteroid, or are celestial bodies such as the moon, planets and asteroids the communal property of all Earthlings?

So, FOX thinks privatization is bad now? Jesus, this is the biggest flip flop since Mittens hit the scene…

redarmyzombie April 25, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Eh, just give him, say, half an hour? That should do it.

DaRooster April 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Good… so we can leave Afghanistan alone?

cheetojeebus April 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Looks like Newt's cleared his calendar to take this bull by the horns and launch his true raison d'etre, namely to go right to the moon.

Biff April 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I must insist that they restrict their mining operations to daylight hours only–I'll be damned if they're gonna ruin my view of the night sky.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I don't know why they're having such a hard time with this. It's not like it's rocket science or something.

Wait, what?

Dashboard Buddha April 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Fox Needs Women

Doktor StrangeZoom April 25, 2012 at 5:39 pm

The Thing with No Brains

DaRooster April 25, 2012 at 2:44 pm

"…including Google execs Eric Schmidt and Larry Page, as well as Titantic inventor James Cameron…"

Just replace the names with Rupert Murdoch, Karl Rove and the Koch Bros. and Fox will change their story.

SorosBot April 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Asteroid miners, be careful and make sure the cave you're going into is really a cave and not the mouth of a giant asteroid snake monster.

MissTaken April 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Those miners could also get advice from Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck on this best way to drill an asteroid.

hagajim April 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm

The good news in this – by mining uninhabited asteroids – we won't have to worry about fucking over any indigenous peoples…like we care anyway.

DaRooster April 25, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Perhaps that is why Fox is so against it.

CrunchyKnee April 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Fox is just pissed cause there aint no blahs, women-folk, or messicans to exploit in space.

Spurning Beer April 25, 2012 at 2:50 pm

This plan could wreak havoc on the Unobtainium futures market.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

This never turns out well. I know because I watch lots and lots of movies.

sullivanst April 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Is it just me, or does Fox appear actually to be complaining about the utter lack of communism going on here? Their objection appears to be "Ewwwwww capitalists making a profit, maybe"

actor212 April 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Damn! How did I get banned from Fox Nation?

Maybe it was the last time I pointed out that socialism, it does not mean what they think it means.

metamarcisf April 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I'm gonna have to ask my physician, Dr. Leo Spaceman, what he makes of all this.

HobbesEvilTwin April 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

It's kind of like those socialist European colonialists coming to US Merika and laying claim to property that already belonged to someone else.

Steverino247 April 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

To paraphrase Jack Horkheimer: "Remember Fox News. Keep fucking up!"

(http://www.jackstargazer.com/ if you dare)

Sassomatic April 25, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Everything that Rupert Murdoch does not control is socialist.

OneYieldRegular April 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

On the bright side, these asteroids aren't populated, so when a private company stakes a claim, genocide won't be involved the way it usually is.

Sassomatic April 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Sooo . . . as far as the Earth goes, none of it belongs to all Earthlings, as you say, but is to be divided up into private property. Shit in space, however, that belongs to everyone.*

*Until the Koch brothers get their hands on it—then, get your commie pinko hands off our hard-earned asteroids, you commies.

mavenmaven April 25, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Let's be real, there won't be any mining there until someone opens a brothel first. Or these- http://www.nma.tv/android-brothels-robot-prostitu

HarryButtle April 25, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Did James Cameron not see Outland?

donner_froh April 25, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I had no idea there were so many space lawyers practicing space law. Are extraterrestrial practitioners allowed to appear before the United States Space Court?

HobbesEvilTwin April 25, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Faux News has succeeded in making the word "socialism" as useless as the bush administration made the word "terrorism".

niblick77 April 25, 2012 at 3:37 pm

So, Fox Nation believes the Asteroids belong to the people? How social/communist of them.

notreelyhelping April 25, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Hmm. What would this do to the price of all that gold hawked on conservative radio?

CapeClod April 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

If we used the asteriods to lob at countries filled with brown people, Fox would be all over this.

Troglodeity April 25, 2012 at 3:54 pm

“… to whom do those trillions belong — the company, or everyone?”

I would love to hear Mitt Romney try to answer this question.

Designer_Rants April 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Asteroids are people too, my friends.

anniegetyerfun April 25, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I look forward to Fox's round condemnation of private companies who try to buy up water rights in Third World countries – after all, don't the precious natural resources of Earth belong to all Earthlings?

Haha, just kidding, not the brown ones, obvs.

ttommyunger April 25, 2012 at 6:38 pm

They don't quite realize that a man who hasn't had water in three days is fucking fearless.

Mumbly_Joe April 25, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I love how Planetary Resources manages to be an even creepier name for a rapacious space-pillaging multinational corporation than Weyland-Yutani was. I didn't think that was possible.

Designer_Rants April 25, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Building Better Worlds.

ElPinche April 25, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Cameron's thinking…"All we need is 15,000 people to die on this asteroid and IT'S SHOWTIME ! ….IN 3D!"

…cuz it would be like the titanic and he just won't let go…ahem..whatev At least we're not liveblogging mitt's caucus or whatever tonight.

Designer_Rants April 25, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Can I vote Fox News "Stupid" without having to visit Fox Nation?

Designer_Rants April 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

The few comments I read over there seemed to be from reasonably sane people. That's new(s).

gurukalehuru April 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Finders keepers! First one to the asteroid gets it. And the fucker is worth trillions.

Beowoof April 25, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Ah the conservative philosophy, its mine gimme that and fuck all the others who have just as much right to it as I do, cause they don't have no rights.

Beowoof April 25, 2012 at 5:18 pm

The most pertinent piece of law is the Outer Space Treaty (OST), an agreement signed or ratified by all spacefaring nations in 1967, which established, among other things, that no nation may claim sovereignty over space, the moon or celestial bodies.

Please this law says nothing about Corporations and they will be in charge when this stuff starts to happen and they will make all the money off the bounty of the Universe. The only prime directive for those guys is get your hands off my shit or I will shoot you.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 25, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Keep on fucking that astrochicken.

ttommyunger April 25, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Can we send Steve Doocey to check it out first? Please?

GregComlish April 25, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Google: Keep your government hands off my asteroid!!

Beanball April 26, 2012 at 4:46 am

The people at Fox news really have no clue whatsoever how fucking stupid they are, do they?

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