choosy moms choose tiffs

‘Moms’ Newest Battalion In War On Moms

Moms work: taking the kids to school and practiceOh noez! The moms did not get the memo that it is that dastardly Barack Obama who is #WARRING them, because a Democrat said something catty once! Either that, or all moms just hate all other moms and cannot wait to WAR on them too, because players gotta play, cats gotta be bitchez. (Right, Richard Grenell?) In any event, new polling shows that Hairbot 5000 is losing moms just as badly as he is losing all other ladies, even though the gender gap is a myth. Tell us more, PPP:

That is especially too bad for GOP nominee Mitt Romney because usually at least the mom sector of ladies edges Republican, sitting there in their minivans and understanding the economy because they take their kids to school and practice, and doing other mom stuff (anal?) while their slutty little sisters the swingles vote hot-and-horny D. Here, have another screenshot!

It is really, really too bad for Ol’ Grampa Hairgel that Rick Santorum had to open his smegma-slicked yap about birth control being of the Debbil, and calling every woman a whore, thus bringing on this whole mishigas. Sorry Mittster. Couldn’t have happened to a … person? We will go with “person.” [DailyKos]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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Comments

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  • ttommyunger

    One would have thought the "Mom Jeans" would have won them over. Who knew?

    • ThundercatHo

      You are smokin' 'em today.

      • ttommyunger

        When I get in early, I get the low-hanging fruit. I'm just having slow morning today at home, but thanks.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Odd. You'd think moms would be used to mechanical things that buzz when you flip their switch…

    • Callyson

      Vibrator libel!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Iiiiiiiiiiiii dddddddddddddon'tttttttttttttt knnnnnnnnnnnnnnnow whatttttttttttttttttt youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu meannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…….

    • Guppy

      But does Mittens have a spin cycle?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Well, consider his flip flops, Imma say yes.

  • chascates

    A vast majority of mothers are women.

    • WIDTAP

      Of course, otherwise you would have spelled that with a "u".

  • Baconzgood

    Choosy moms choose Mitt.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I think you misspelled "boozy"

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Shouldn't that be "Cheesy"?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Mitt would have done better if they polled motherfuckers instead of just mothers.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      No, he scores badly with gigolos, too.

      • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

        He polls great with Juggalos.

  • Crank_Tango

    It's the underoos.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    … "36% of mothers have a favorable opinion of Mittens"; BUT, "43% of moms will vote for Mittens."

    This is the kind of metric that makes my brain get cramps.

    • Generation[redacted]

      and 63% of moms will pin mittens to your jacket.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        "You NAUGHTY kittens!"

        Sorry, been reading to the kids…

        • Biff

          Do kittens even like pie?

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            Not sure, but they sure cry over not getting any of it.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          Sorry, been reading to the kids…

          Adorableness. I remember I really loved the 3-Little-Kittens story/ rhyme being read aloud to me.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            I did too. And it has a happy ending!

    • SayItWithWookies

      Seven percent of women are voting for Mittens because their LDS bishop told them they'd be going to hell if they didn't.

      • horsedreamer_1

        In Deseret, there is no separation of ward & state.

    • gullywompr

      Democrats fall in love, Republicans fall in line.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Mother, why did ya have to get so high
    for Obama?

  • V572 Fehrnstrom

    Anyone else notice that the word "mother" has been almost entirely replaced by the word "mom"?

    Could it have anything to do with the near ubiquity of the expression "motherfucker"?

    Hardly anyone remembers the Mothers of Invention anymore.

    Is there any significance to this?

    • chascates

      Necessity is a mother.

    • FraAnima

      What can I say about this elixir?!!!

      (I remember them. Would you like me to recite the entire Mothers live at the Filmore album?)

      • Geminisunmars

        You might as well. It'll be a long time before you get another opportunity like this.

    • boobookitteh

      Momfuckers.

      • chascates

        Arlo Guthrie: Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me!

      • V572 Fehrnstrom

        In the 1996 presidential election, Senator Dole didn't do as well as he expected to with soccer motherfuckers.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Frank Zappa: "If your children ever find out how lame you really are, they'll murder you in your sleep."

      That could tend to reduce the extent of the Rmoney lead among the Olds.

    • Steverino247

      While few may remember the Mothers of Invention, the title of one of their albums is now the GOP motto: We're Only in It for the Money.

    • MosesInvests

      Motherly Love! (Get it now) Motherly Love! Forget about your brotherly and otherly love, Motherly Love is just the thing for you….

  • DaRooster

    "It is not as though Moms are people too my friend."

    • WiscDad

      They're actually 'other people'

      • DaRooster

        Which is still better than 'those people'.

  • gullywompr

    I think the GOP is the real mom – "Because I said so, that's why!"

    • prommie

      Ah, the classic argumentum O'Reillium.

  • Baconzgood

    "I have a lotta friends that own moms"

    -Mittens-

  • SexySmurf

    I bet Obama is polling even better with Baby Mamas.

  • edgydrifter

    Willard is banking on Real American Moms voting against their own self-interest, like their idiot husbands have been doing for decades.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Well I think I like Obama but Mitt seems nice but god did you see Ann's shoes OMG I can't believe she wore those in public and Michelle makes me feel like I just can't get it all done you know what I mean LOL – she does IT ALL and that Joe Biden seems nice even if his wife is a know-it-all but Obama makes me FEEL like I'm important, you know?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      So you're gonna vote for Mitt because your husband said so?

      Shit.

      • Geminisunmars

        Oh. I thought that was a quote from Marcus Bachmann.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Overheard while waiting in line at Woodfield Mall to see the Kardashians last week?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Meh. Who needs mommas when you've got Ted Nugent on your side …

  • SayItWithWookies

    It's too bad women have been brainwashed by the Democratic Party when really the Republicans want what's best for them. I mean, what part of "We'll give you war and punishing debt and we want the right to look up your hoo-ha whenever we feel like it" don't those ignorant sluts understand?

    • Man0nTheStreet

      You know women just can't wrap their pretty little heads around politics – Important Things like that are for Men to decide, it's not women's-work!

    • freakishlywrong

      You had me at "hoo-ha".

      • bagofmice

        That's one way to get an upfisting.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Which political party do MILFs tend to go for?

    • FraAnima

      Ya beat me to it….

    • ChernobylSoup

      "There's a political party in my pants and you're invited."

      ed – put "s around it so you wouldn't get any ideas, Baldar.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Given their anything goes stance on ethics & morals, I would suppose Green (if they smoke pot) or Libertarian (if they merely want to tax it).

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Key Party!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Use the divining rod in your pants to find some, and then ask them.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I like to pole MILFs

  • iburl

    Here's a weird theory, maybe Moms are seeing all the cutbacks going on at schools and say to themselves… "Hmm, which party has made it a bedrock principal to remove money and teachers from my kid's schools, thus stymying their futures and creating a failed state full of ignorant theocrats?"

    • OneDollarJuana

      I think it's more that after school sports programs are being cut, thus eliminating the opportunity for moms to drop the kids off at the game and get a little time to themselves with that hidden bottle of gin under the sink. Now the little anklebiters are around all the damn time.

  • prommie

    These moms just haven't heard yet that Obama went to North Carolina and he is cheating buddies with John Edwards and has never denied that he was doing three-ways with Edwards and Rielle, which was why Edwards wasn't sure he was the baby daddy, her being such a cum-dumpster.

  • Radiotherapy

    We need to drill down and see what the polling data shows when you ask respondents if they are "dog people" or "cat people."

    • VaWyo

      I ride inside, bitches

  • SorosBot

    The Republicans may not realize that their war on women is an attack on moms too, not just single women; there are a lot of moms out there who don't want more children, for instance.

    • MissTaken

      What?! I thought every woman's dream was to be like that Duggar woman.

      • SorosBot

        Don't you just dream of being nothing but brood mare for a number of brats in the double digits?

        • Man0nTheStreet

          That's what GAWD intended us Good Christian Wimmin-folk for, rite?

        • Steverino247

          With IQ's to match?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "…there are a lot of moms out there who don't want more children, for instance."

      But, really, do they have a choice. Real men control their womens.

  • freakishlywrong

    That 36% that thinks Republicans give a rat's ass about anyone other than rich old white men are a cult.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Fox news: Why do Moms hate America so much?

  • Radiotherapy

    There is nothing uglier than Mom on Mom violence. However, Milf on Milf is a popular pron niche. Go figure.

    • Biff

      Now you've got me wondering how many librarians are single moms vs. milfs…

      • Guppy

        Why not all three?

      • bagofmice

        A momilfbrarian?

  • Beowoof

    Well if Mitt shows these Mom's the magic in his underwear maybe he will have the chance to win them over. Ann already offered to unzip Mitt to prove he isn't stiff.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    M is for the meaningless platitudes
    O is for the obvious pandering
    T is for the Taxes they'll pay but he won't
    H is for the Healthcare he wants to deny them
    E is for the empathy as in lack of
    R is for Robot

    • horsedreamer_1

      Danzig better watch his back, with you around.

      • Baconzgood

        Mother….Do you want to vote for Mitt?

        • horsedreamer_1

          Danzig's a cat person, so he's prolly voting for Mitt. Danzig don't care about dogs on roofs.

  • mavenmaven

    Don't worry, Romney and his hatchet men in the advertising world, will pay huge amounts of money for airtime showing pro -"mom" bull@#$% until he closes that gap. We already know they have no problem with editing video falsely…

  • Baconzgood

    He's losing Apple Pie, Baseball, and Abraham Lincoln too.

    • VaWyo

      Don't forget Chevrolet. He lost them long ago because he wanted them to fail.

  • FraAnima

    Damn you BaldarT!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    How come everyone ignores what the cougars think about the presidential election? I mean, most of them are moms.

    • Baconzgood

      Trust me, I'm not ignoring the cougars.

    • hagajim

      And much more likely to have sex on the first date – according to the Cougar Life commercial I keep hearing on the satellite radio. Dirty ol' ladies.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    [singing badly] "Mammories, of the way we were."

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    If you take away the babies, moms are almost like normal people.

    • VaWyo

      Don't give the god squad any ideas. They would rip the kids out of liberal women's homes if they thought they could get away with it. Only white babies, of course.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Did they poll catepillar mommies, too?

  • Callyson

    Here's hoping we move Mother's Day to Tuesday, November 6…

  • Warpde

    Wait until Michele finds out 50% of all dem MILFs out there are horny for Barack.

    • FraAnima

      'I'll kick ALL y'all's asses, you touch my man!'

      • BornInATrailer

        Do Chicagoans say y'all?

        • FraAnima

          Especially Harvard educated Chicagoans? She is blah, tho…

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          The Micks, Bohunks and Giancanas, not so much.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Now, if those 48 percent Mom's would pull out the cast iron skillet and conk (sp?) their significant others on the heads…we could win this "war".

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Republicans are to women as teenagers are to moms.

    See all that SAT prep around my house is paying off!

    • VaWyo

      You elitist. You want to send your kids to college?

  • Terry

    Note to the GOP: you thought we'd forgotten that transvaginal probe crap but we haven't. Your numbers are bad with moms, maiden aunties, grannies, career women, soccer moms, heck, all women.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      But those vaginas don't belong to originally-sinful wimmins, but to their Husbands and to ALMIGHTY GOD to bring forth snowflake babies!

    • VaWyo

      We need a "Vote No on Transvaginal Probes, Vote for the Democratics" bumper sticker. I would so put that on my car.

  • Generation[redacted]

    The right wing pundits were right! Michelle Obama's devious plot to insult all moms has backfired.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    If this keeps up, we'll never get forced sterilization!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    *Sigh.* My mom, though a lovely woman, is totally a 1950s yes-dear style wife and votes however my dad tells her. Fortunately, I got him to come over from the dark side about 20 years ago. He only voted Republican up until then because that's how his mom voted.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Nixon 1980! He's tanned, rested and ready!

  • horsedreamer_1

    Barry is just getting a sympathy boost since his mother is dead.

  • Radiotherapy

    When does the War on Dads start?

    • Baconzgood

      Bring it on! I'm feeling bitey!

    • ElPinche

      Come at me bros. My Big Green Egg is more than ultimate cooking experience! KABOOM bitches!

      • Radiotherapy

        It's off the chain baybee.

  • OneYieldRegular

    My mom would've made Mitt Romney sit in the corner until the election was over.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      My Mom, the younger version of herself, would wash his mouth out with Dial Soap for some of the humdingers he spouts. Her, present 82 year old self, would cuss him out with words I can't believe she even knows.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    They're coming to the same conclusion – Romney is a mother-fucker.

  • Eve8Apples

    Moms are gettin' kinda uppity.

    What gives them the right to believe they know more about contraception, vaginas, ovaries, estrogen and uteruses than sterile, old, white GOP Evangelical or Catholic males?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      James Cameron's "Sex Change Avatar"

      (Has there really not been a movie about a man whose brain gets switched with a woman's, or have I just forgotten it?)

      • Eve8Apples

        Movies like All of Me are always comedies. The problem with the modern GOP is they truly believe they know women's bodies better than women. They don't understand such thinking is comical.

  • CapnFatback

    Meanwhile, Obama is polling at 89% with bad Mutha-

    • Advn2rgirl

      Hush yo' mouth!

  • cheetojeebus

    I mean, who would you like to sit and have a quiet cup of tea in the kitchen with? Or snuggle on the couch after a long day? Or share the shopping chores with the prick who would like to see you publicly examined up the hoohaa with a big plastic probe if you ask for something that is your right?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I'll play. But, first, am I a good girl or a slut?

  • CapnFatback

    I'm just talking 'bout Mrs. Shaft.

    • BarackMyWorld

      And I can dig it.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Foolish Moms have lifted their petticoats and allowed Dark Lord Hussein to impregnate them with the Shadow Birth of his Second Term!!
    http://www.comicsbulletin.com/main/sites/default/
    http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/30500000/g

    But killing it would be abortion. Gobama 2012!

  • proudgrampa

    Some of my best friends are Moms. Mothers, not so much.

  • hagajim

    I didn't read through the comments yet – but does this mean that Mittens is mutha fucked?

  • BarackMyWorld

    The only Mom that Mitt can relate to.

  • Douché

    Obama is banging every registered single gal between now and the erection, err election while Mittens is just plain buying each vote. This. Should. Be. Fun.

  • http://www.marionstein.net MarionNYNY

    They must have polled the moms in the "unreal" part of America.

  • Sassomatic

    As a woman who, according to the state of Arizona, may be pregnant, in some sort of time-traveling Schrodinger's fetus kind of way, I say on behalf of all my (possibly) fellow moms, FUCK YOU MITT ROMNEY.

  • ElPinche

    That's still too high. 36% of moms still don't get that Republicans are just not into them.

  • Guppy

    doing other mom stuff (anal?)

    Then they probably wouldn't be moms, would they?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    "You Moms, your bottoms sure do look fat, ha ha! Sprung for the big box of mac'n'cheese and gobbled half of it on the way to the dinner table, huh?"

  • BornInATrailer

    Shorter version: Hey, where the right women at?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    But who will the Faire Queene Of Wistful Divorce favor with her suffrage? True, she does hang out here all the time, but her faraway gaze could mean she'd rather be in rotation on Tucker Carlson's Gentleman Caller site.

  • Steverino247

    MOMS! The GOP does make your ass look fat.

    (Cue the balloons! This thing's over.)

  • Eve8Apples

    Just wait 'til Obama starts singing Barry White songs to the ladies.

  • teebob2000

    I can promise you, anal is most definitely NOT included in "mom stuff."

  • WonkCynic

    Republican moms have tits. Liberal moms have jugs. Independent moms have beautiful lovely vivacious breasts that are to die for. God loves independent bitches. You partisans are a pain in the ass!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Ann Romney uses only Ralph Lauren® Polo® bandages. Polo® has been the Official Boo-Boo Dressing Partner for Romney Familial Holdings LLC since 1972. I am sure you regret the error.

  • Biff

    I always get Polo® and Dressage mixed up.

  • FraAnima

    Michelle's head snap registers a 6.5 on the richter scale.