There NOObama goes, being a CELEBRITY again (IN PEACH!!1!), this time by slow jamming the newz like a common jazz musician. Why does Obama insist on having a rich beautiful voice and being (clean and) eloquent? Why must he pander to the youth vote by promising to keep college loan interest rates low instead of cutting taxes on millionaires (again) and being so fly? Most importantly, could NOoBamA get The Roots to tour with him for all his speeches, and second most importantly, with whom should Mittens tour? The Kingston Trio maybe? Yes, the Kingston Trio. See Mitt Romney’s backing band the Kingston Trio perform their classic ode to turnstile jumping, after the jump!
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Don't be absurd! Obama is not my boyfriend. He's my fiance`.
No NO! He's MINE!
Morning Belle! I'm afraid my bridal shower is today and I can't hear you, la-la-la!
Alas……I'll just have to go and cancel my china, crystal, and silver pattern registrations. After I recover from my attack of the vapors.
Morning back atcha.
Ahem. I called it first!
If your hubby is LDS, maybe he's OK with it…
the POTUS with the MOTUS is MINE
Bitches please. Do NOT make me cut you. You best stop pushing up on my man. *neck swerve*
All of you just best step off! Bammerz is My man! I have claws, so watch out!
Crazy sluts.
(h/t to John Edwards…)
Ah-heh-HEHM!
He would be, if he weren't already gay-married to ME!
♪♫ It's evolution, baby
Do the evolution ♪♫
Wait, it's not Pearl Jam the news…
AHEM! AND ME!
Bitch you crazy. That man is MINE.
MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE
Well, you folks just slug it out. I'm pretty damn sure he ain't gonna be mine.
All that telepromterz work has finally paid off for the President.
I don't know what age group this post is targeting, but I just know it isn't me.
You must be either 100 or 8, if you've never heard a Slow Jam.
Its me.
Man-crush, maybe; but otherwise, I'm straight.
Not that there's anything wrong with that (being straight)!
Well … it's not as much fun, but I guess there's nothing WRONG with it, really.
Well, beat the drum and hold the phone – the sun came out today!
We're born again, there's new grass on the field.
A-roundin' third, and headed for home, it's a brown-eyed handsome man;
Anyone can understand the way I feel.
Oh, put me in, Coach – I'm ready to play today;
Put me in, Coach – I'm ready to play today;
Look at me, I can be
Center-Left.
Looking forward to wingnuts ripping out their hair in OUTRAGE!!! over this one.
Doubt they are watching Jimmy Fallon – most likely reruns of Walker: Texas Ranger.
Touched By An Angel.
Show us on the doll where the angel touched you.
Ronco Home Commie Detector infomercial.
Don't worry. Fox & Friends is already on the job.
Obama's Hip-Hop Performance Doesn't Create Jobs
The stuff writes itself. Srsly, why do they pay Frank Luntz?
Because he knows where the bodies are buried.
Well hopefully they'll also drop dead while walking their dogs in OUTRAGE like Andrew Breitbart did over this one.
Stop it, you're stealing all my best lines and I'm not even awake yet.
It is 9.12am and I have my hand down my pants, thanks Barry.
Instead of yelling, "Oh, God" I yell, "Yes, we can!"
President Obama makes my toes curl like bacon.
Yes, we can? I think one of the reasons my ex-wife left was because I was always yelling, "I already did!"
Oh no! It's the popcorn effect!!
Grope and Change.
You wear pants while reading Wonkette? I'll have to try that sometime.
That's pants as in the English, knickers, underwear.
You wear underwear while reading Wonkette? I'll have to try that sometime.
Hey, reading Wonkette is a black tie occasion. That's why I wear a black tie when I'm reading it, and a black leather vest and chaps and accessorize with a riding crop when I'm reading it. No pants or underwear though, they interfere with the feeling of the leather smoothly gliding over my skin.
Underwear? Elitist – I thought this was a sans-culottist blog.
It would certainly appear that the majority reads its Wonkette sans their culottes, and possibly also bootless and unhorsed.
2L:
May I help you with that?
ooh yes barry can long slow me anytime
and deep. his voice i mean
There's no time like the present!
Webcam or it didn't happen.
Underwear's no funtowear!
Judging from the responses, nobody sets teh LayDeez a-fapping quite like Our Bamz. (faps quietly)
He's my boyfriend, and like all my boyfriends he often asks me for money. But he's my man, and I love him, even when he treats me bad.
I'll bet he wants to put you out on the street, going door to door, too! It always starts with the sweet-talk.
What part of Kingston are those pale dudes from anyway?
It ain't Trenchtown…
They started out as a Calypso band (not to be confused with Mrs. Newt) and never changed their name to reflect their newfound protest/folksinger status.
Voted absentee in the Texass Dem Primary today, and thought of a research project for the DNC: color code every county in the USA as to whether it's a waste of time and a vote (like mine today) and you'd be better off registering Repub and voting for their worst candidate, or voting in the Dem Primary.
Apparently, I'm posting this "10 weeks ago". In which case, I'd like to announce my kewl bf has knocked me up.
Congratulations on your baby. Barack and I will take very good care of him on every other weekend.
Morning Freakishly!
But Barb, I was going to be a stay-at-home Mom!
I will quietly walk away so that you can be a stay-at-home mom. The better woman won. Congratulations to Freakishly! (kisses)
Mittens would prefer that you get off the welfare and back to work as soon as you deliver the little hellspawn.
If you ride dressage horses and own more than one Cadillac, that's an honest, respectable occupation. If not, you better damn well get a job and stop avoiding "the dignity of work".
[PS -- Congratulations!]
Brilliant! Congratulations! So, like, Novemberish? Ooooh, I know what you did for Valentine's Day.
If you watched that video above with an embryo in your body, that embryo will grow up to be president. And also super hot.
Never have I been so ashamed of an American president. Truly a blow to our dignity. Doesn't he know he's supposed to work for us?
He IS workin' it for us ladiez~
And I bet you expect someone else to pay for your sinful lubricity!
How about if I let you watch?
Pics or it never happened!
I was gonna say, "Can I come too," but that offers up a *wealth* of possible interpretations, don't it?
All I get is the stupid NBC peacock when I click that vid.
At least you're getting some cock.
Mitten's touring band:
Joseph Smith and the Magic Underwears.
First hit was Bony Moroni.
I thought that he was touring with the Danites on their new album "Brigham Young and Bring'em Often." Ted Nugent plays backup guitar.
"…with whom should Mittens tour?" Well, duh, Ted Nugent of course. And if Ted happens to be in jail, I bet Pat Boone has some time on his hands.
If by "time on his hands" you mean furiously masturbating to Leviticus, then yeah.
Yep.
I was thinking, Kingston Trio?!
Isn't Pat Boone still alive? (Plus, he's gotta be cheaper than 3 guys!)
I can't wait to see Pat Boone in black leather at age what, 86? Isn't that how old he is now? Doing a cover of Deep Purple's "Smoke on The Water," yeah, rockin' it.
♪♫Scotch & soda, jigger of gin ♫♪ or GTFO Mittens
Another example of Obama dividing our county.
Yes, the Kingston Trio.
My only dilemma after watching that is where on my body I'd best sport my cool, coal tattoo "I ♥ BARRY"
TRAMP STAMP or GTFO.
Kingston Trio?
How many dogs must Mitt strap to the roof of his car?
This shit my friend is flowing with the wind, the shit is flowing with the wind.
Do you think he'll include zombie Dave Guard or zombie John Stewart?
Wretchin' over at the Fucks and Freaks does not approve.. http://www.mediaite.com/tv/gretchen-carlson-on-ob…
Gretchen must keep her legs crossed and her butt planted on that couch so nobody sees her Nobama wet spot.
She is big-assed and blonde, so I know I should be salivating, but I just can't stand the frowny bitch.
Gretch, like Prince, is from Minnesota, but even he would say no to her.
“I think it’s nutso.”
This is an excellent example of the pinpoint, laser-like analysis we've come to expect from Fox News. In fact, Gretchen puts the "anal" in analysis.
Did she have to look up the meaning of 'nutso' on google first?
http://dissentingdemocrat.wordpress.com…
What a very, excellent story from that link. Thanks.
Crazy thing is: according to Wikipedia, Mitt Romney actually did sig with the Kingston Trio on this song in 2004! WTF!?
I wish you hadn't deleted your link, and many thanks to Mumblety for reposting it. Well worth a read. Thank you.
Uno dos tres cuatro cinco cinco seis
♫ All the girlies say he's pretty fly for a half-white guy. ♪
Meh. This Obama dude won't be somebody until he's tabbed to read a Top 10 list on Letterman.
Yes, then we'll REALLY see his name in the news.
That image made my girlparts wither. So sad now.
Must watch Barry again.
I don't think The Kingston Trio will be backing up (r)Money with
"Don't give a damn about a greenback dollar,
Spend it fast as I can…"
I will happily admit for many years I've enjoyed their version of Adelita. When I'm in Old Mexico (or in Oakland on Fruitvale) that's the song we request from the troubadores.
"Don't give a damn about a greenback dollar,
Spend it fast as I can…"
Actually, given certain circumstances, that sounds almost republican.
Gingrichian, even. As long as it's Sheldon Adelman's dollar.
When i first wrote that (it's not yet 7am here on the Left Coast) I typed "greedback dollar."
I was tempted to leave it like that.
Mittens wouldn't have the support of the Kingston Trio. They were liberal folk music types and Charlie and the MTA was a political protest song. Too radical and leftist for Mitt.
That's what I thought, too, except that according to Wikipedia (which never lies) the Kingston Trio performed this song with Mittens in 2004 (they were still alive?!)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M.T.A.
Jeeze louise, they must be getting senile.
Following the link though, they were playing at a dedication event for the MTA system and sang with the then Governor. They weren't campaigning for him. Some consolation.
Thanks for setting that straight. Was wondering about it [upthread] ~
I saw them in the late 80's. Bob Shane asked the lighting guy to turn up the lights. He then peered out into the audience, and said my god, you guys got so OLD!
Sad
Dude, back then Romney was a liberal by 1950s folkie standards – a newly elected, LGBT rights supporting, proudly pro-choice gov of a liberal state who claimed to support public works and was about to institute universal health coverage. Now, a year later he was converted to being anti-choice, anti-stem cells and a fiscal hawk asswipe, but c'mon, he was already running for President, for Pete's sake!
True dat.
Music for Mittens? Honestly, the only possible accompaniment that comes to mind is the zombie Lawrence Welk. But I supposed Donnie Osmond will have to do.
Zombie Guy Lombardo would be good too, except that now, as a dead foreigner, he's undocumented. And R-money is running for President, for Pete's sake.
The Cowsils.
The Shaggs!
Mitt will tour with Kid Rock and plans to join him on stage for a rousing interpretation of Balls On Your Chin.
Cheddar Bob!
Is that a teabagging joke? I'm so lonely.
Note Barry's walk to the front stage. It's like Steve McQueen, Shaft and Dr. Dre.
Romney's walk looks like a cross between Hall of President animatronic, a bar of gold bullion, and a bottle of Ambien.
Now THAT"S the way to start the day!!
A standing O for the pres!
YES!!!
Face it, haters. The guy is just. Fucking. Cool.
Watching the Kingston Trio after the Bammerz slowjam would be like having your kids walk in your bedroom right as you're about to climax.
Sweet Home Slam Obama
Nice, but of course, tonight, we will find that ?uestlove, famous attacker of Michele Bachmann and thus True American Values, is not only a Black Man but deeply involved in the hippy-hop destroying our children and leading them to Godless Communism.
I thought Mittbott's song might be "Little Green Apples (that my stablemen peel and feed to my multi-million dollar Dressage Horses before I spend *more* millions to transport the horses in stunning luxury around the world to compete in Elite Dressage Competitions in Exotic Locales) by the Osmonds
Tell Wretchin' to chill, it was a hologram…
Yes, Mittens should tour with the Kingston Trio, featuring an updated version of their mega-hit "Salty Dog":
I got a dog, he's too big for my car
Strapped to the roof in an airtight jar
Seamus, you can be my Shitty Dog …
Bammers. Turnin' the straight men gay and the gay women straight and leavin' all them all in puddles on the floor saying DAMN. No need for fapping, it just HAPPENED.
When I was a kid and we were on a long car trip this is one of the songs that we would sing to keep ourselves distracted from how goddamned bored we were to be on a long car trip. Another one was the Chad Mitchell trio's The Ides of Texas about Billie Sol Estes, and El Paso by Marty Robbins.
Not a dry seat in the house. Can you imagine Dubya trying to pull that off?
I love him so so so much.
I know, right? Somebody should post an article every Friday about all the smooth shit he's done throughout the week that makes us utter the word "so" three times in a row. Just sayin'…
Awwwwwww yeah… that really is how you slow jam the news.
The coolest POTUS now and probably for 100 years.
that sound you hear is the wingnut heads exploding
*Please* let Obama's ads follow this format. It might be the one thing that makes this campaign season bearable.
Hey man, don't slam the Kingston Trio. They were cool. Mittens would do better with these guys and their gay vegetable double entendres.
Kingston Trio? Close.
Mittens should resurrect the King Family to tour with him It's totally appropriate.
Also, I know I am dating myself. (And I'm no cheap date, either.)
If Obama did this with the Affordable Health Care Act even the choads on the Supreme Court couldn't resist it.
aaaaaaaaaah yes, masturbation fodder for at least another week
Step outside and wave to Sarah Palin for me.
If you see someone smiling on the street in Russia, he/she is either drunk or a foreigner.
Riding crop, eh? (makes note in Little Black Tied Up Book)
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