There NOObama goes, being a CELEBRITY again (IN PEACH!!1!), this time by slow jamming the newz like a common jazz musician. Why does Obama insist on having a rich beautiful voice and being (clean and) eloquent? Why must he pander to the youth vote by promising to keep college loan interest rates low instead of cutting taxes on millionaires (again) and being so fly? Most importantly, could NOoBamA get The Roots to tour with him for all his speeches, and second most importantly, with whom should Mittens tour? The Kingston Trio maybe? Yes, the Kingston Trio. See Mitt Romney’s backing band the Kingston Trio perform their classic ode to turnstile jumping, after the jump!


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  • Barb

    Don't be absurd! Obama is not my boyfriend. He's my fiance`.

    • No NO! He's MINE!

      • Barb

        Morning Belle! I'm afraid my bridal shower is today and I can't hear you, la-la-la!

        • Alas……I'll just have to go and cancel my china, crystal, and silver pattern registrations. After I recover from my attack of the vapors.

          Morning back atcha.

        • Ahem. I called it first!

    • thatsitfortheother1

      If your hubby is LDS, maybe he's OK with it…

    • shirleyplz

      the POTUS with the MOTUS is MINE

    • ingloriousbytch

      Bitches please. Do NOT make me cut you. You best stop pushing up on my man. *neck swerve*

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        All of you just best step off! Bammerz is My man! I have claws, so watch out!

    • Steverino247

      Crazy sluts.

      (h/t to John Edwards…)

    • redarmyzombie


      He would be, if he weren't already gay-married to ME!

      • sullivanst

        ♪♫ It's evolution, baby
        Do the evolution ♪♫

        Wait, it's not Pearl Jam the news…

      • AHEM! AND ME!

    • CivicHoliday

      Bitch you crazy. That man is MINE.

    • Pat_Pending


    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, you folks just slug it out. I'm pretty damn sure he ain't gonna be mine.

  • All that telepromterz work has finally paid off for the President.

  • comrad_darkness

    I don't know what age group this post is targeting, but I just know it isn't me.

    • You must be either 100 or 8, if you've never heard a Slow Jam.

    • prommie

      Its me.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Man-crush, maybe; but otherwise, I'm straight.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Not that there's anything wrong with that (being straight)!

      • Well … it's not as much fun, but I guess there's nothing WRONG with it, really.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, beat the drum and hold the phone – the sun came out today!
    We're born again, there's new grass on the field.
    A-roundin' third, and headed for home, it's a brown-eyed handsome man;
    Anyone can understand the way I feel.

    Oh, put me in, Coach – I'm ready to play today;
    Put me in, Coach – I'm ready to play today;
    Look at me, I can be

  • SoBeach

    Looking forward to wingnuts ripping out their hair in OUTRAGE!!! over this one.

    • Allmighty_Manos

      Doubt they are watching Jimmy Fallon – most likely reruns of Walker: Texas Ranger.

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Touched By An Angel.

        • Wile E. Quixote

          Show us on the doll where the angel touched you.

      • Ronco Home Commie Detector infomercial.

      • MegPasadena

        Don't worry. Fox & Friends is already on the job.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Obama's Hip-Hop Performance Doesn't Create Jobs

      • AddHomonym

        The stuff writes itself. Srsly, why do they pay Frank Luntz?

        • sullivanst

          Because he knows where the bodies are buried.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Well hopefully they'll also drop dead while walking their dogs in OUTRAGE like Andrew Breitbart did over this one.

      • Stop it, you're stealing all my best lines and I'm not even awake yet.

  • Limeylizzie

    It is 9.12am and I have my hand down my pants, thanks Barry.

    • Barb

      Instead of yelling, "Oh, God" I yell, "Yes, we can!"
      President Obama makes my toes curl like bacon.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Yes, we can? I think one of the reasons my ex-wife left was because I was always yelling, "I already did!"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Oh no! It's the popcorn effect!!

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Grope and Change.

    • You wear pants while reading Wonkette? I'll have to try that sometime.

      • Limeylizzie

        That's pants as in the English, knickers, underwear.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          You wear underwear while reading Wonkette? I'll have to try that sometime.

          • Wile E. Quixote

            Hey, reading Wonkette is a black tie occasion. That's why I wear a black tie when I'm reading it, and a black leather vest and chaps and accessorize with a riding crop when I'm reading it. No pants or underwear though, they interfere with the feeling of the leather smoothly gliding over my skin.

          • Riding crop, eh? (makes note in Little Black Tied Up Book)

        • Chichikovovich

          Underwear? Elitist – I thought this was a sans-culottist blog.

          • It would certainly appear that the majority reads its Wonkette sans their culottes, and possibly also bootless and unhorsed.

    • Tundra Grifter


      May I help you with that?

    • shirleyplz

      ooh yes barry can long slow me anytime
      and deep. his voice i mean

    • prommie

      There's no time like the present!

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Webcam or it didn't happen.

    • ttommyunger

      Underwear's no funtowear!

    • Judging from the responses, nobody sets teh LayDeez a-fapping quite like Our Bamz. (faps quietly)

  • He's my boyfriend, and like all my boyfriends he often asks me for money. But he's my man, and I love him, even when he treats me bad.

    • I'll bet he wants to put you out on the street, going door to door, too! It always starts with the sweet-talk.

  • Ruhe

    What part of Kingston are those pale dudes from anyway?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      It ain't Trenchtown…

    • Biff

      They started out as a Calypso band (not to be confused with Mrs. Newt) and never changed their name to reflect their newfound protest/folksinger status.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Voted absentee in the Texass Dem Primary today, and thought of a research project for the DNC: color code every county in the USA as to whether it's a waste of time and a vote (like mine today) and you'd be better off registering Repub and voting for their worst candidate, or voting in the Dem Primary.

  • freakishlywrong

    Apparently, I'm posting this "10 weeks ago". In which case, I'd like to announce my kewl bf has knocked me up.

    • Barb

      Congratulations on your baby. Barack and I will take very good care of him on every other weekend.

      Morning Freakishly!

      • freakishlywrong

        But Barb, I was going to be a stay-at-home Mom!

        • Barb

          I will quietly walk away so that you can be a stay-at-home mom. The better woman won. Congratulations to Freakishly! (kisses)

        • Dr_Zoidberg

          Mittens would prefer that you get off the welfare and back to work as soon as you deliver the little hellspawn.

        • Chichikovovich

          If you ride dressage horses and own more than one Cadillac, that's an honest, respectable occupation. If not, you better damn well get a job and stop avoiding "the dignity of work".

          [PS — Congratulations!]

    • Mojopo

      Brilliant! Congratulations! So, like, Novemberish? Ooooh, I know what you did for Valentine's Day.

    • Fuck Toad

      If you watched that video above with an embryo in your body, that embryo will grow up to be president. And also super hot.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Never have I been so ashamed of an American president. Truly a blow to our dignity. Doesn't he know he's supposed to work for us?

    • He IS workin' it for us ladiez~

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        And I bet you expect someone else to pay for your sinful lubricity!

        • Callyson

          How about if I let you watch?

          • Doktor StrangeZoom

            Pics or it never happened!

          • I was gonna say, "Can I come too," but that offers up a *wealth* of possible interpretations, don't it?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    All I get is the stupid NBC peacock when I click that vid.

    • Steverino247

      At least you're getting some cock.

  • Mitten's touring band:

    Joseph Smith and the Magic Underwears.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      First hit was Bony Moroni.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      I thought that he was touring with the Danites on their new album "Brigham Young and Bring'em Often." Ted Nugent plays backup guitar.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "…with whom should Mittens tour?" Well, duh, Ted Nugent of course. And if Ted happens to be in jail, I bet Pat Boone has some time on his hands.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      If by "time on his hands" you mean furiously masturbating to Leviticus, then yeah.

    • Yep.
      I was thinking, Kingston Trio?!
      Isn't Pat Boone still alive? (Plus, he's gotta be cheaper than 3 guys!)

    • I can't wait to see Pat Boone in black leather at age what, 86? Isn't that how old he is now? Doing a cover of Deep Purple's "Smoke on The Water," yeah, rockin' it.

  • ♪♫Scotch & soda, jigger of gin ♫♪ or GTFO Mittens

  • ChernobylSoup

    Another example of Obama dividing our county.

  • Yes, the Kingston Trio.

    My only dilemma after watching that is where on my body I'd best sport my cool, coal tattoo "I ♥ BARRY"

    • freakishlywrong


  • Kingston Trio?

    How many dogs must Mitt strap to the roof of his car?
    This shit my friend is flowing with the wind, the shit is flowing with the wind.

    • Do you think he'll include zombie Dave Guard or zombie John Stewart?

  • freakishlywrong

    Wretchin' over at the Fucks and Freaks does not approve..

    • Gretchen must keep her legs crossed and her butt planted on that couch so nobody sees her Nobama wet spot.

      She is big-assed and blonde, so I know I should be salivating, but I just can't stand the frowny bitch.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Gretch, like Prince, is from Minnesota, but even he would say no to her.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      “I think it’s nutso.”

      This is an excellent example of the pinpoint, laser-like analysis we've come to expect from Fox News. In fact, Gretchen puts the "anal" in analysis.

      • LetUsBray

        Did she have to look up the meaning of 'nutso' on google first?


    What a very, excellent story from that link. Thanks.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Crazy thing is: according to Wikipedia, Mitt Romney actually did sig with the Kingston Trio on this song in 2004! WTF!?

      • I wish you hadn't deleted your link, and many thanks to Mumblety for reposting it. Well worth a read. Thank you.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Uno dos tres cuatro cinco cinco seis

    ♫ All the girlies say he's pretty fly for a half-white guy. ♪

  • CapnFatback

    Meh. This Obama dude won't be somebody until he's tabbed to read a Top 10 list on Letterman.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Yes, then we'll REALLY see his name in the news.

  • OKthennext

    That image made my girlparts wither. So sad now.

    Must watch Barry again.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I don't think The Kingston Trio will be backing up (r)Money with

    "Don't give a damn about a greenback dollar,
    Spend it fast as I can…"

    I will happily admit for many years I've enjoyed their version of Adelita. When I'm in Old Mexico (or in Oakland on Fruitvale) that's the song we request from the troubadores.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      "Don't give a damn about a greenback dollar,
      Spend it fast as I can…"

      Actually, given certain circumstances, that sounds almost republican.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Gingrichian, even. As long as it's Sheldon Adelman's dollar.

      • Tundra Grifter

        When i first wrote that (it's not yet 7am here on the Left Coast) I typed "greedback dollar."

        I was tempted to leave it like that.

  • Terry

    Mittens wouldn't have the support of the Kingston Trio. They were liberal folk music types and Charlie and the MTA was a political protest song. Too radical and leftist for Mitt.

    • Serolf_Divad

      That's what I thought, too, except that according to Wikipedia (which never lies) the Kingston Trio performed this song with Mittens in 2004 (they were still alive?!)

      • Terry

        Jeeze louise, they must be getting senile.

        Following the link though, they were playing at a dedication event for the MTA system and sang with the then Governor. They weren't campaigning for him. Some consolation.

        • Thanks for setting that straight. Was wondering about it [upthread] ~

      • Biff

        I saw them in the late 80's. Bob Shane asked the lighting guy to turn up the lights. He then peered out into the audience, and said my god, you guys got so OLD!

      • swordfis


      • BerkeleyBear

        Dude, back then Romney was a liberal by 1950s folkie standards – a newly elected, LGBT rights supporting, proudly pro-choice gov of a liberal state who claimed to support public works and was about to institute universal health coverage. Now, a year later he was converted to being anti-choice, anti-stem cells and a fiscal hawk asswipe, but c'mon, he was already running for President, for Pete's sake!

        • Serolf_Divad

          True dat.

  • el_donaldo

    Music for Mittens? Honestly, the only possible accompaniment that comes to mind is the zombie Lawrence Welk. But I supposed Donnie Osmond will have to do.

    • Chichikovovich

      Zombie Guy Lombardo would be good too, except that now, as a dead foreigner, he's undocumented. And R-money is running for President, for Pete's sake.

    • elgin_pelican

      The Cowsils.

    • MoeDeLawn

      The Shaggs!

  • Mitt will tour with Kid Rock and plans to join him on stage for a rousing interpretation of Balls On Your Chin.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Cheddar Bob!

    • Sheesko

      Is that a teabagging joke? I'm so lonely.

  • ElPinche

    Note Barry's walk to the front stage. It's like Steve McQueen, Shaft and Dr. Dre.
    Romney's walk looks like a cross between Hall of President animatronic, a bar of gold bullion, and a bottle of Ambien.

  • Now THAT"S the way to start the day!!
    A standing O for the pres!

  • smitallica

    Face it, haters. The guy is just. Fucking. Cool.

  • ThundercatHo

    Watching the Kingston Trio after the Bammerz slowjam would be like having your kids walk in your bedroom right as you're about to climax.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Sweet Home Slam Obama

  • mavenmaven

    Nice, but of course, tonight, we will find that ?uestlove, famous attacker of Michele Bachmann and thus True American Values, is not only a Black Man but deeply involved in the hippy-hop destroying our children and leading them to Godless Communism.

  • Man0nTheStreet

    I thought Mittbott's song might be "Little Green Apples (that my stablemen peel and feed to my multi-million dollar Dressage Horses before I spend *more* millions to transport the horses in stunning luxury around the world to compete in Elite Dressage Competitions in Exotic Locales) by the Osmonds

  • Biff

    Tell Wretchin' to chill, it was a hologram…

  • Troglodeity

    Yes, Mittens should tour with the Kingston Trio, featuring an updated version of their mega-hit "Salty Dog":

    I got a dog, he's too big for my car
    Strapped to the roof in an airtight jar
    Seamus, you can be my Shitty Dog …

  • kissawookiee

    Bammers. Turnin' the straight men gay and the gay women straight and leavin' all them all in puddles on the floor saying DAMN. No need for fapping, it just HAPPENED.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    When I was a kid and we were on a long car trip this is one of the songs that we would sing to keep ourselves distracted from how goddamned bored we were to be on a long car trip. Another one was the Chad Mitchell trio's The Ides of Texas about Billie Sol Estes, and El Paso by Marty Robbins.

  • ttommyunger

    Not a dry seat in the house. Can you imagine Dubya trying to pull that off?

  • SaraJBenincasa

    I love him so so so much.

    • gullywompr

      I know, right? Somebody should post an article every Friday about all the smooth shit he's done throughout the week that makes us utter the word "so" three times in a row. Just sayin'…

  • sullivanst

    Awwwwwww yeah… that really is how you slow jam the news.

  • iburl

    The coolest POTUS now and probably for 100 years.

  • BZ1

    that sound you hear is the wingnut heads exploding

  • Callyson

    *Please* let Obama's ads follow this format. It might be the one thing that makes this campaign season bearable.

  • Nostrildamus

    Hey man, don't slam the Kingston Trio. They were cool. Mittens would do better with these guys and their gay vegetable double entendres.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    Kingston Trio? Close.

    Mittens should resurrect the King Family to tour with him It's totally appropriate.

    Also, I know I am dating myself. (And I'm no cheap date, either.)

  • Fox n Fiends

    If Obama did this with the Affordable Health Care Act even the choads on the Supreme Court couldn't resist it.

  • CivicHoliday

    aaaaaaaaaah yes, masturbation fodder for at least another week

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