Your Boyfriend Barack Obama Would Like To Talk To You Long And Slow (VIDEO)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

There NOObama goes, being a CELEBRITY again (IN PEACH!!1!), this time by slow jamming the newz like a common jazz musician. Why does Obama insist on having a rich beautiful voice and being (clean and) eloquent? Why must he pander to the youth vote by promising to keep college loan interest rates low instead of cutting taxes on millionaires (again) and being so fly? Most importantly, could NOoBamA get The Roots to tour with him for all his speeches, and second most importantly, with whom should Mittens tour? The Kingston Trio maybe? Yes, the Kingston Trio. See Mitt Romney’s backing band the Kingston Trio perform their classic ode to turnstile jumping, after the jump!

[JimmyFallon]

 
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{ 143 comments }

Barb April 25, 2012 at 9:04 am

Don't be absurd! Obama is not my boyfriend. He's my fiance`.

BelleSC April 25, 2012 at 9:09 am

No NO! He's MINE!

Barb April 25, 2012 at 9:13 am

Morning Belle! I'm afraid my bridal shower is today and I can't hear you, la-la-la!

BelleSC April 25, 2012 at 9:17 am

Alas……I'll just have to go and cancel my china, crystal, and silver pattern registrations. After I recover from my attack of the vapors.

Morning back atcha.

starfanglednut April 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

Ahem. I called it first!

thatsitfortheother1 April 25, 2012 at 9:10 am

If your hubby is LDS, maybe he's OK with it…

shirleyplz April 25, 2012 at 9:27 am

the POTUS with the MOTUS is MINE

ingloriousbytch April 25, 2012 at 9:45 am

Bitches please. Do NOT make me cut you. You best stop pushing up on my man. *neck swerve*

Dr_Zoidberg April 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

All of you just best step off! Bammerz is My man! I have claws, so watch out!

Steverino247 April 25, 2012 at 10:44 am

Crazy sluts.

(h/t to John Edwards…)

redarmyzombie April 25, 2012 at 11:55 am

Ah-heh-HEHM!

He would be, if he weren't already gay-married to ME!

sullivanst April 25, 2012 at 12:26 pm

♪♫ It's evolution, baby
Do the evolution ♪♫

Wait, it's not Pearl Jam the news…

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

AHEM! AND ME!

CivicHoliday April 25, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Bitch you crazy. That man is MINE.

Pat_Pending April 25, 2012 at 11:16 pm

MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE

Biel_ze_Bubba May 1, 2012 at 12:13 am

Well, you folks just slug it out. I'm pretty damn sure he ain't gonna be mine.

donner_froh April 25, 2012 at 9:05 am

All that telepromterz work has finally paid off for the President.

comrad_darkness April 25, 2012 at 9:05 am

I don't know what age group this post is targeting, but I just know it isn't me.

Chet Kincaid April 25, 2012 at 9:34 am

You must be either 100 or 8, if you've never heard a Slow Jam.

prommie April 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

Its me.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 9:06 am

Man-crush, maybe; but otherwise, I'm straight.

Man0nTheStreet April 25, 2012 at 10:35 am

Not that there's anything wrong with that (being straight)!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 25, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Well … it's not as much fun, but I guess there's nothing WRONG with it, really.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 9:08 am

Well, beat the drum and hold the phone – the sun came out today!
We're born again, there's new grass on the field.
A-roundin' third, and headed for home, it's a brown-eyed handsome man;
Anyone can understand the way I feel.

Oh, put me in, Coach – I'm ready to play today;
Put me in, Coach – I'm ready to play today;
Look at me, I can be
Center-Left.

SoBeach April 25, 2012 at 9:11 am

Looking forward to wingnuts ripping out their hair in OUTRAGE!!! over this one.

Allmighty_Manos April 25, 2012 at 9:30 am

Doubt they are watching Jimmy Fallon – most likely reruns of Walker: Texas Ranger.

Dr_Zoidberg April 25, 2012 at 9:56 am

Touched By An Angel.

Wile E. Quixote April 25, 2012 at 11:46 am

Show us on the doll where the angel touched you.

FlownOver April 25, 2012 at 10:55 am

Ronco Home Commie Detector infomercial.

MegPasadena April 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Don't worry. Fox & Friends is already on the job.

anniegetyerfun April 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

Obama's Hip-Hop Performance Doesn't Create Jobs

AddHomonym April 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

The stuff writes itself. Srsly, why do they pay Frank Luntz?

sullivanst April 25, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Because he knows where the bodies are buried.

Wile E. Quixote April 25, 2012 at 11:50 am

Well hopefully they'll also drop dead while walking their dogs in OUTRAGE like Andrew Breitbart did over this one.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Stop it, you're stealing all my best lines and I'm not even awake yet.

Limeylizzie April 25, 2012 at 9:12 am

It is 9.12am and I have my hand down my pants, thanks Barry.

Barb April 25, 2012 at 9:16 am

Instead of yelling, "Oh, God" I yell, "Yes, we can!"
President Obama makes my toes curl like bacon.

Dashboard Buddha April 25, 2012 at 9:46 am

Yes, we can? I think one of the reasons my ex-wife left was because I was always yelling, "I already did!"

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

Oh no! It's the popcorn effect!!

thatsitfortheother1 April 25, 2012 at 9:24 am

Grope and Change.

donner_froh April 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

You wear pants while reading Wonkette? I'll have to try that sometime.

Limeylizzie April 25, 2012 at 9:36 am

That's pants as in the English, knickers, underwear.

Dashboard Buddha April 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

You wear underwear while reading Wonkette? I'll have to try that sometime.

Wile E. Quixote April 25, 2012 at 11:30 am

Hey, reading Wonkette is a black tie occasion. That's why I wear a black tie when I'm reading it, and a black leather vest and chaps and accessorize with a riding crop when I'm reading it. No pants or underwear though, they interfere with the feeling of the leather smoothly gliding over my skin.

Chichikovovich April 25, 2012 at 9:52 am

Underwear? Elitist – I thought this was a sans-culottist blog.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm

It would certainly appear that the majority reads its Wonkette sans their culottes, and possibly also bootless and unhorsed.

Tundra Grifter April 25, 2012 at 9:45 am

2L:

May I help you with that?

shirleyplz April 25, 2012 at 9:50 am

ooh yes barry can long slow me anytime
and deep. his voice i mean

prommie April 25, 2012 at 9:56 am

There's no time like the present!

Wile E. Quixote April 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

Webcam or it didn't happen.

ttommyunger April 25, 2012 at 11:49 am

Underwear's no funtowear!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Judging from the responses, nobody sets teh LayDeez a-fapping quite like Our Bamz. (faps quietly)

MarionNYNY April 25, 2012 at 9:14 am

He's my boyfriend, and like all my boyfriends he often asks me for money. But he's my man, and I love him, even when he treats me bad.

Chet Kincaid April 25, 2012 at 9:36 am

I'll bet he wants to put you out on the street, going door to door, too! It always starts with the sweet-talk.

Ruhe April 25, 2012 at 9:15 am

What part of Kingston are those pale dudes from anyway?

thatsitfortheother1 April 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

It ain't Trenchtown…

Biff April 25, 2012 at 10:34 am

They started out as a Calypso band (not to be confused with Mrs. Newt) and never changed their name to reflect their newfound protest/folksinger status.

thatsitfortheother1 April 25, 2012 at 9:17 am

Voted absentee in the Texass Dem Primary today, and thought of a research project for the DNC: color code every county in the USA as to whether it's a waste of time and a vote (like mine today) and you'd be better off registering Repub and voting for their worst candidate, or voting in the Dem Primary.

freakishlywrong April 25, 2012 at 9:17 am

Apparently, I'm posting this "10 weeks ago". In which case, I'd like to announce my kewl bf has knocked me up.

Barb April 25, 2012 at 9:25 am

Congratulations on your baby. Barack and I will take very good care of him on every other weekend.

Morning Freakishly!

freakishlywrong April 25, 2012 at 9:27 am

But Barb, I was going to be a stay-at-home Mom!

Barb April 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

I will quietly walk away so that you can be a stay-at-home mom. The better woman won. Congratulations to Freakishly! (kisses)

Dr_Zoidberg April 25, 2012 at 9:57 am

Mittens would prefer that you get off the welfare and back to work as soon as you deliver the little hellspawn.

Chichikovovich April 25, 2012 at 10:03 am

If you ride dressage horses and own more than one Cadillac, that's an honest, respectable occupation. If not, you better damn well get a job and stop avoiding "the dignity of work".

[PS -- Congratulations!]

Mojopo April 25, 2012 at 9:45 am

Brilliant! Congratulations! So, like, Novemberish? Ooooh, I know what you did for Valentine's Day.

Fuck Toad April 25, 2012 at 5:30 pm

If you watched that video above with an embryo in your body, that embryo will grow up to be president. And also super hot.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 25, 2012 at 9:17 am

Never have I been so ashamed of an American president. Truly a blow to our dignity. Doesn't he know he's supposed to work for us?

Mumbletypeg April 25, 2012 at 9:27 am

He IS workin' it for us ladiez~

Doktor StrangeZoom April 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

And I bet you expect someone else to pay for your sinful lubricity!

Callyson April 25, 2012 at 12:50 pm

How about if I let you watch?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 25, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Pics or it never happened!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I was gonna say, "Can I come too," but that offers up a *wealth* of possible interpretations, don't it?

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

All I get is the stupid NBC peacock when I click that vid.

Steverino247 April 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

At least you're getting some cock.

starfanglednut April 25, 2012 at 9:22 am

Mitten's touring band:

Joseph Smith and the Magic Underwears.

thatsitfortheother1 April 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

First hit was Bony Moroni.

Wile E. Quixote April 25, 2012 at 11:44 am

I thought that he was touring with the Danites on their new album "Brigham Young and Bring'em Often." Ted Nugent plays backup guitar.

Texan_Bulldog April 25, 2012 at 9:22 am

"…with whom should Mittens tour?" Well, duh, Ted Nugent of course. And if Ted happens to be in jail, I bet Pat Boone has some time on his hands.

Dashboard Buddha April 25, 2012 at 9:51 am

If by "time on his hands" you mean furiously masturbating to Leviticus, then yeah.

DemmeFatale April 25, 2012 at 9:56 am

Yep.
I was thinking, Kingston Trio?!
Isn't Pat Boone still alive? (Plus, he's gotta be cheaper than 3 guys!)

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I can't wait to see Pat Boone in black leather at age what, 86? Isn't that how old he is now? Doing a cover of Deep Purple's "Smoke on The Water," yeah, rockin' it.

weejee April 25, 2012 at 9:23 am

♪♫Scotch & soda, jigger of gin ♫♪ or GTFO Mittens

ChernobylSoup April 25, 2012 at 9:24 am

Another example of Obama dividing our county.

Mumbletypeg April 25, 2012 at 9:25 am

Yes, the Kingston Trio.

My only dilemma after watching that is where on my body I'd best sport my cool, coal tattoo "I ♥ BARRY"

freakishlywrong April 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

TRAMP STAMP or GTFO.

ManchuCandidate April 25, 2012 at 9:26 am

Kingston Trio?

How many dogs must Mitt strap to the roof of his car?
This shit my friend is flowing with the wind, the shit is flowing with the wind.

weejee April 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

Do you think he'll include zombie Dave Guard or zombie John Stewart?

freakishlywrong April 25, 2012 at 9:28 am

Wretchin' over at the Fucks and Freaks does not approve.. http://www.mediaite.com/tv/gretchen-carlson-on-ob

Chet Kincaid April 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

Gretchen must keep her legs crossed and her butt planted on that couch so nobody sees her Nobama wet spot.

She is big-assed and blonde, so I know I should be salivating, but I just can't stand the frowny bitch.

horsedreamer_1 April 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

Gretch, like Prince, is from Minnesota, but even he would say no to her.

Dashboard Buddha April 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

“I think it’s nutso.”

This is an excellent example of the pinpoint, laser-like analysis we've come to expect from Fox News. In fact, Gretchen puts the "anal" in analysis.

LetUsBray April 25, 2012 at 10:02 am

Did she have to look up the meaning of 'nutso' on google first?

Mumbletypeg April 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

http://dissentingdemocrat.wordpress.com

What a very, excellent story from that link. Thanks.

Serolf_Divad April 25, 2012 at 9:57 am

Crazy thing is: according to Wikipedia, Mitt Romney actually did sig with the Kingston Trio on this song in 2004! WTF!?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 25, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I wish you hadn't deleted your link, and many thanks to Mumblety for reposting it. Well worth a read. Thank you.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 9:36 am

Uno dos tres cuatro cinco cinco seis

♫ All the girlies say he's pretty fly for a half-white guy. ♪

CapnFatback April 25, 2012 at 9:38 am

Meh. This Obama dude won't be somebody until he's tabbed to read a Top 10 list on Letterman.

Dr_Zoidberg April 25, 2012 at 9:59 am

Yes, then we'll REALLY see his name in the news.

OKthennext April 25, 2012 at 9:38 am

That image made my girlparts wither. So sad now.

Must watch Barry again.

Tundra Grifter April 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

I don't think The Kingston Trio will be backing up (r)Money with

"Don't give a damn about a greenback dollar,
Spend it fast as I can…"

I will happily admit for many years I've enjoyed their version of Adelita. When I'm in Old Mexico (or in Oakland on Fruitvale) that's the song we request from the troubadores.

Dashboard Buddha April 25, 2012 at 9:43 am

"Don't give a damn about a greenback dollar,
Spend it fast as I can…"

Actually, given certain circumstances, that sounds almost republican.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2012 at 9:45 am

Gingrichian, even. As long as it's Sheldon Adelman's dollar.

Tundra Grifter April 25, 2012 at 9:46 am

When i first wrote that (it's not yet 7am here on the Left Coast) I typed "greedback dollar."

I was tempted to leave it like that.

Terry April 25, 2012 at 9:43 am

Mittens wouldn't have the support of the Kingston Trio. They were liberal folk music types and Charlie and the MTA was a political protest song. Too radical and leftist for Mitt.

Serolf_Divad April 25, 2012 at 10:00 am

That's what I thought, too, except that according to Wikipedia (which never lies) the Kingston Trio performed this song with Mittens in 2004 (they were still alive?!)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M.T.A.

Terry April 25, 2012 at 10:19 am

Jeeze louise, they must be getting senile.

Following the link though, they were playing at a dedication event for the MTA system and sang with the then Governor. They weren't campaigning for him. Some consolation.

Mumbletypeg April 25, 2012 at 10:23 am

Thanks for setting that straight. Was wondering about it [upthread] ~

Biff April 25, 2012 at 10:48 am

I saw them in the late 80's. Bob Shane asked the lighting guy to turn up the lights. He then peered out into the audience, and said my god, you guys got so OLD!

swordfis April 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

Sad

BerkeleyBear April 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

Dude, back then Romney was a liberal by 1950s folkie standards – a newly elected, LGBT rights supporting, proudly pro-choice gov of a liberal state who claimed to support public works and was about to institute universal health coverage. Now, a year later he was converted to being anti-choice, anti-stem cells and a fiscal hawk asswipe, but c'mon, he was already running for President, for Pete's sake!

Serolf_Divad April 25, 2012 at 11:48 am

True dat.

el_donaldo April 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

Music for Mittens? Honestly, the only possible accompaniment that comes to mind is the zombie Lawrence Welk. But I supposed Donnie Osmond will have to do.

Chichikovovich April 25, 2012 at 9:48 am

Zombie Guy Lombardo would be good too, except that now, as a dead foreigner, he's undocumented. And R-money is running for President, for Pete's sake.

elgin_pelican April 25, 2012 at 10:17 am

The Cowsils.

MoeDeLawn April 25, 2012 at 11:37 am

The Shaggs!

mrblifil April 25, 2012 at 9:48 am

Mitt will tour with Kid Rock and plans to join him on stage for a rousing interpretation of Balls On Your Chin.

horsedreamer_1 April 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

Cheddar Bob!

Sheesko April 25, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Is that a teabagging joke? I'm so lonely.

ElPinche April 25, 2012 at 9:59 am

Note Barry's walk to the front stage. It's like Steve McQueen, Shaft and Dr. Dre.
Romney's walk looks like a cross between Hall of President animatronic, a bar of gold bullion, and a bottle of Ambien.

DemmeFatale April 25, 2012 at 10:01 am

Now THAT"S the way to start the day!!
A standing O for the pres!
YES!!!

smitallica April 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

Face it, haters. The guy is just. Fucking. Cool.

ThundercatHo April 25, 2012 at 10:19 am

Watching the Kingston Trio after the Bammerz slowjam would be like having your kids walk in your bedroom right as you're about to climax.

thatsitfortheother1 April 25, 2012 at 10:23 am

Sweet Home Slam Obama

mavenmaven April 25, 2012 at 10:36 am

Nice, but of course, tonight, we will find that ?uestlove, famous attacker of Michele Bachmann and thus True American Values, is not only a Black Man but deeply involved in the hippy-hop destroying our children and leading them to Godless Communism.

Man0nTheStreet April 25, 2012 at 10:39 am

I thought Mittbott's song might be "Little Green Apples (that my stablemen peel and feed to my multi-million dollar Dressage Horses before I spend *more* millions to transport the horses in stunning luxury around the world to compete in Elite Dressage Competitions in Exotic Locales) by the Osmonds

Biff April 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

Tell Wretchin' to chill, it was a hologram…

Troglodeity April 25, 2012 at 11:27 am

Yes, Mittens should tour with the Kingston Trio, featuring an updated version of their mega-hit "Salty Dog":

I got a dog, he's too big for my car
Strapped to the roof in an airtight jar
Seamus, you can be my Shitty Dog …

kissawookiee April 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

Bammers. Turnin' the straight men gay and the gay women straight and leavin' all them all in puddles on the floor saying DAMN. No need for fapping, it just HAPPENED.

Wile E. Quixote April 25, 2012 at 11:41 am

When I was a kid and we were on a long car trip this is one of the songs that we would sing to keep ourselves distracted from how goddamned bored we were to be on a long car trip. Another one was the Chad Mitchell trio's The Ides of Texas about Billie Sol Estes, and El Paso by Marty Robbins.

ttommyunger April 25, 2012 at 11:53 am

Not a dry seat in the house. Can you imagine Dubya trying to pull that off?

SaraJBenincasa April 25, 2012 at 11:56 am

I love him so so so much.

gullywompr April 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I know, right? Somebody should post an article every Friday about all the smooth shit he's done throughout the week that makes us utter the word "so" three times in a row. Just sayin'…

sullivanst April 25, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Awwwwwww yeah… that really is how you slow jam the news.

iburl April 25, 2012 at 12:29 pm

The coolest POTUS now and probably for 100 years.

BZ1 April 25, 2012 at 12:34 pm

that sound you hear is the wingnut heads exploding

Callyson April 25, 2012 at 12:44 pm

*Please* let Obama's ads follow this format. It might be the one thing that makes this campaign season bearable.

Nostrildamus April 25, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Hey man, don't slam the Kingston Trio. They were cool. Mittens would do better with these guys and their gay vegetable double entendres.

Nopantsmcgee April 25, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Kingston Trio? Close.

Mittens should resurrect the King Family to tour with him It's totally appropriate.

Also, I know I am dating myself. (And I'm no cheap date, either.)

Fox n Fiends April 25, 2012 at 1:32 pm

If Obama did this with the Affordable Health Care Act even the choads on the Supreme Court couldn't resist it.

CivicHoliday April 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm

aaaaaaaaaah yes, masturbation fodder for at least another week

Barb April 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

Step outside and wave to Sarah Palin for me.

MosesInvests April 25, 2012 at 1:07 pm

If you see someone smiling on the street in Russia, he/she is either drunk or a foreigner.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 25, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Riding crop, eh? (makes note in Little Black Tied Up Book)

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