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Those marvelous beasts!Howdy, pardners! Kirsten Boyd Johnston and other special guests (me) will be OCCUPYing THE TELEVISION to relate to you some things what are said thereon, about this, the 412th electoral contest of the Republican primary season! We will be doing this maybe at like 8 p.m. Eastern, WHO EVEN KNOWS? Mitt Romney will probably say something weird and uncomfortable and smack his lips too loud when he talks which is not any more offputting than anything else he does, and Newt Gingrich will definitely ramble on like a jackal with herpes because nobody is allowed to use teleprompterz anymore because they are Of Satan, and probably, like, Chris Matthews will say some shit too. Oh, what a time we shall have, with only each other and sweet healing booze for solace in this, the most boring fucking primary we have ever witnessed. Get your liquor cabinet at the ready, and check back, for larfs and pain!

  • Sharkey

    Because why not?

  • Barb

    Be there or be Rodney Square. A reference you wouldn't get unless you are from Delaware.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Be there or be Rodney Square.
      A reference you wouldn't get unless you are from Delaware.

      I see what you did THERE.

      • Barb

        Hey, BMW! I lived in Delaware for 20 years. My daughters went to Sanford Prep School, near the place Newt was charging $50.00 for a photo. Crickette still lives there. God, I am craving a sub from Capriotti's right now.

        • Pres.Beeblebrox

          A Bobbie, perhaps?

          • Barb

            Have you ever had a Bobbie? I am going to Vegas here in a few hours and they have a Capriotti's there. I can't wait!

          • Pres.Beeblebrox

            I love Bobbies. I'm a Delawarean. :) I think the Vegas Capriotti's is the one that the company was trying to close because they were doing promos with, um, strip clubs… seriously.

          • Barb

            The Vegas location is weak and the employees are annoying. I live in New Mexico and you cannot find decent bread, bagels, etc. There is a bakery in Vegas, called "Great Buns" and they sell sub rolls. I'm going to pay them a visit.

            Send me a Rita's Water Ice, please.

  • ifthethunderdontgetya
  • Generation[redacted]

    In a surprise upset, Iranian Diplomat sweeps the caucus!

    • trondant

      Sweeps, fingers, it's all good.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      He seized the Youth Vote!!

      • bagofmice


  • Blueb4sunrise


  • dopper0189

    As they say in Delaware "Delaware is a big fracking deal!"

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I have to admit that I'm impressed that you care enough about these primaries to do this. Oh and ACORN!!1!!!!!1

  • DemmeFatale

    I heart you, Becca, but I'd rather meet my meat than see one minute of Willard or Lizard-boy.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Maybe since Mitt's now focused on capturing the youth demographic, he'll do something the kids in Delaware are into. Like leave.

    • PuckStopsHere

      Heh, heh. The article to which you link quotes the young Aaron Shock , which means the youthful Mr. Romney is also going after the young and the gay vote…

      • Angry_Marmot

        Why not? He seems cheerful enou– oh.

    • starfanglednut

      He could make like a banana and split.

      Hahahah I crack myself up.

      (Not really)

    • Terry

      Aren't candidates in Del primaries required to tour massive chicken farms and say good things about DuPont?

      • Angry_Marmot

        "Dupont– I love their circles."

        • bikerlaureate

          "They're just the right circumference."

    • horsedreamer_1

      He'll pick Promise Ring's "Nothing Feels Right" as the house album?

      (Not so fun fact: Jade Tree Records is still alive & kickin'… But at least I don't have herpes — it's just my Dick's itchin'.)

  • AlterNewt

    "This is going to be great. We've got two kinds of chips and three kinds of soda!"

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I'll bring those little vienna sausages. And, ahem, another, much larger sausage, if any of the laydeez are interested.

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        And heeeeeeeeeere's the pepperoni!*

        * Some porn actor

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Cheech & Chong, ca. 1972 or thereabouts?

          • Monsieur_Grumpe

            Maybe. I thought it night have been Ron Jeremy.

          • horsedreamer_1

            Fun Ron-Ron fact: he attended high school with teevee star Reginald VelJohnson & CIA Director Emeritus George Tenet.

        • bagofmice

          I always thought pepperoni was chopped. Perhaps you mean bobbit?

      • Angry_Marmot

        Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.

        • trondant

          He balances the budget?

          • Man0nTheStreet

            ♬ ♩♫ Boom-chika-wow-wow ♪ ♫ ♬

  • Radiotherapy

    Can't hardly wait for Wolf's insightful timely analysis.

  • chascates

    Any chance of CNN having holograms tonight?

    • johnnymeatworth

      No, Dre already said that the 2Pac hologram isn't going to tour.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Only after Mike D explained, "I'm tellin ye, it's a mirage.."

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Ghostly images will form out of Ewick-Ewickson's on-camera pork-farts…

  • ifthethunderdontgetya

    Delaware has elephants and crocodiles?

    Sorry, Caps-Bruins game 7. I'm all about the wildlife!

    • Barb

      Who are you rooting for?

      • ifthethunderdontgetya

        I grew up in D.C.

        I remember listening to some Caps games on the radio back in the 70s.

        Yvon Labre was one of our best players.

        • Barb

          In that case, Go Capitols!

          • ifthethunderdontgetya

            Well damn, it's tomorrow.

            I coulda sweared it was tonight.

            "Never mind"

          • Barb

            Watching the Devils and Panthers here. I want the devils to lose.
            If called by a Panther, don't anther.

          • Angry_Marmot

            Gotta go with the Devils. With the Redwings out, I root for whichever team has a mythical beast for its mascot.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    thanks, Delaware live blog, but my liquor cabinet hasn't made it through the primary season

    years old triple sec, anyone?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Soak some apple slices in that triple sec with a little orange juice and be amazed.

  • Pres.Beeblebrox

    Well this should be interesting considering the turnout here in the 302 today has been described as "anemic". But for some reason Neut, he of the $50/picture photo op at the Hockessin Volunteer Fire Hall, seems to have made Delaware his firewall. This is simultaneously amusing and sad (as in Charlie-Brown-sad-song sad)…

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Where is all the chest-puff-uppery we've seen in the heat of the debates? How on earth could the magnitude of this guys' hubris have waned into such a spectacular flame-out?

  • finallyhappy

    What- there is still voting going on for these morons?

  • Pres.Beeblebrox
  • redarmyzombie

    Hm, let's see, I have:

    Rubbing Alcohol
    14 lbs bag of coffee beans (whole)
    Consistently less than four hours of sleep per night for the last 3 weeks

    Yup, I'm set!

    • vodkamuppet

      Pussy, grain alcohol gets it done way better.

      • starfanglednut

        Mix it with cherry cough medicine, and you've got a drink worthy of this momentous occasion.

        • redarmyzombie

          Hm, I seem to be running low. Would Vicodin pass as a viable substitute?

      • MissTaken

        Better than the hipster kidz with their drinking of teh hand sanitizer. Purell or PBR? You make the call!

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Both! SPRING BREAK! Or whatever the kidz yell these days.

  • Blueb4sunrise
  • e_z

    Deleware, home of Monster Punkin' Chuckin'! (motto We're Gonna Hurl)

    I would love to see Mitt and Newt loaded into one of the big Trebuchets and launched.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Fuckin crocs, man. I hope the elephant made herself a nice pair of shoes out of that fuckin thing.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Rum, vodka, a nice chianti and a 12-pack of some random mexican beer.


  • johnnyzhivago

    There's an ELECTION this year????????? Get out!

  • BarackMyWorld

    The Connecticut, New York, Rhode Island, and Pennsylvania primaries say "hello".

  • Callyson

    The state slogan for Delaware is "Liberty and Independence"

    Why do I suspect that Delaware voters are asking themselves where the hell the first one is, and whether they can get the second one if disaster strikes and Barry is not re – elected…

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I wonder what Mitt's next gaffe will be?

    Casually mentioning that the fat peasants burn in fireplace well enough that his gas bill is now only $10,000 a month?

    Bragging about how hard his wife worked to keep the 23 nanny’s in line by constant nagging, wage withholding, firing and occasional whipping?

    Asking random audience members if they know where he can find a really good and cheap Lamborghini mechanic?

    And so on…

    • Rotundo_

      Mittens wouldn't drive anything nearly as interesting as a Lambo or Ferrari or even Porsche. Mittens is more a Mercedes kinda guy, and not the exciting ones either, no two-door-9-speed-sequential-shifting-transmission-200-miles-per-hour-stuff for him. Mr. Excitement he is not. Even.

      • cheetojeebus

        and always something with a roof rack.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      He should talk about the hard work he endured picking performance music for his Dressage (dancing!) Horses' exhibitions – Theme from "Rain Man"!!

  • edgydrifter

    Witch / Pudding-Cup 2012

    • starfanglednut

      Mmmmm pudding.

    • weejee

      Ladybug witch

  • DerrickWildcat

    Go Blue Hens!

    • finallyhappy

      Avoid the Blue Hen diner- I ordered a salad(I know -my mistake) and there was a live slug in it(or free escargot?)

  • weejee

    Will Xtine be there with Wolfie in her ladybug suit?

  • Biff
    • Man0nTheStreet

      Of course – she didn't squeal the same way she usually does, so he shot her!

    • chascates

      In fairness her hams and trotters resemble those of the porcine variety.

  • chascates

    Newt Gingrich ‏ @newtgingrich

    Another Delaware endorsement –… Join us for our election night rally tonight – for more info

  • NYNYNYjr

    There's an African Crocodile in the zoo, and a Croc's wearing African in the White House!!

  • ifthethunderdontgetya

    "An armed society is a polite society."

    – NRA

    • Angry_Marmot

      Shiva must be the politest of gods.

  • BZ1

    is there anybody out there that cares about this?

  • fitley

    Mitt just said "Who goes to Outback Steakhouse, crackheads"?

  • ttommyunger

    Three figures in that pix have bitten off way more than they can chew; and one of them is the Croc.

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