YAY  5:48 pm April 24, 2012

Announcement: Live-Blogging Of Ye Olde Delaware Primarye To Commence Sometime Maybe

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Those marvelous beasts!Howdy, pardners! Kirsten Boyd Johnston and other special guests (me) will be OCCUPYing THE TELEVISION to relate to you some things what are said thereon, about this, the 412th electoral contest of the Republican primary season! We will be doing this maybe at like 8 p.m. Eastern, WHO EVEN KNOWS? Mitt Romney will probably say something weird and uncomfortable and smack his lips too loud when he talks which is not any more offputting than anything else he does, and Newt Gingrich will definitely ramble on like a jackal with herpes because nobody is allowed to use teleprompterz anymore because they are Of Satan, and probably, like, Chris Matthews will say some shit too. Oh, what a time we shall have, with only each other and sweet healing booze for solace in this, the most boring fucking primary we have ever witnessed. Get your liquor cabinet at the ready, and check back, for larfs and pain!

 
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{ 88 comments }

Sharkey April 24, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Because why not?

Barb April 24, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Be there or be Rodney Square. A reference you wouldn't get unless you are from Delaware.

BarackMyWorld April 24, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Be there or be Rodney Square.
A reference you wouldn't get unless you are from Delaware.

I see what you did THERE.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Hey, BMW! I lived in Delaware for 20 years. My daughters went to Sanford Prep School, near the place Newt was charging $50.00 for a photo. Crickette still lives there. God, I am craving a sub from Capriotti's right now.

Pres.Beeblebrox April 24, 2012 at 7:52 pm

A Bobbie, perhaps?

Barb April 24, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Have you ever had a Bobbie? I am going to Vegas here in a few hours and they have a Capriotti's there. I can't wait!

ifthethunderdontgetya April 24, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Wow. Live-blogging a Delaware primary?

See, that witchy thing worked, after all.

Wonkette: We dabbled in live-blogging Delaware.
~

Generation[redacted] April 24, 2012 at 5:56 pm

In a surprise upset, Iranian Diplomat sweeps the caucus!

trondant April 24, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Sweeps, fingers, it's all good.

Man0nTheStreet April 24, 2012 at 7:34 pm

He seized the Youth Vote!!

bagofmice April 24, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Heyoooooo!

Blueb4sunrise April 24, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Sarkozy!!!!!!!!!!!!

dopper0189 April 24, 2012 at 5:59 pm

As they say in Delaware "Delaware is a big fracking deal!"

Texan_Bulldog April 24, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I have to admit that I'm impressed that you care enough about these primaries to do this. Oh and ACORN!!1!!!!!1

DemmeFatale April 24, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I heart you, Becca, but I'd rather meet my meat than see one minute of Willard or Lizard-boy.

SayItWithWookies April 24, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Maybe since Mitt's now focused on capturing the youth demographic, he'll do something the kids in Delaware are into. Like leave.

PuckStopsHere April 24, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Heh, heh. The article to which you link quotes the young Aaron Shock , which means the youthful Mr. Romney is also going after the young and the gay vote…

Angry_Marmot April 24, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Why not? He seems cheerful enou– oh.

starfanglednut April 24, 2012 at 7:04 pm

He could make like a banana and split.

Hahahah I crack myself up.

(Not really)

Terry April 24, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Aren't candidates in Del primaries required to tour massive chicken farms and say good things about DuPont?

Angry_Marmot April 24, 2012 at 9:01 pm

"Dupont– I love their circles."

bikerlaureate April 24, 2012 at 10:27 pm

"They're just the right circumference."

horsedreamer_1 April 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm

He'll pick Promise Ring's "Nothing Feels Right" as the house album?

(Not so fun fact: Jade Tree Records is still alive & kickin'… But at least I don't have herpes — it's just my Dick's itchin'.)

AlterNewt April 24, 2012 at 6:04 pm

"This is going to be great. We've got two kinds of chips and three kinds of soda!"

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I'll bring those little vienna sausages. And, ahem, another, much larger sausage, if any of the laydeez are interested.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm

And heeeeeeeeeere's the pepperoni!*

* Some porn actor

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Cheech & Chong, ca. 1972 or thereabouts?

Monsieur_Grumpe April 24, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Maybe. I thought it night have been Ron Jeremy.

bagofmice April 24, 2012 at 8:33 pm

I always thought pepperoni was chopped. Perhaps you mean bobbit?

Angry_Marmot April 24, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.

trondant April 24, 2012 at 7:17 pm

He balances the budget?

Man0nTheStreet April 24, 2012 at 7:36 pm

♬ ♩♫ Boom-chika-wow-wow ♪ ♫ ♬

Radiotherapy April 24, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Can't hardly wait for Wolf's insightful timely analysis.

chascates April 24, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Any chance of CNN having holograms tonight?

johnnymeatworth April 24, 2012 at 7:26 pm

No, Dre already said that the 2Pac hologram isn't going to tour.

horsedreamer_1 April 24, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Only after Mike D explained, "I'm tellin ye, it's a mirage.."

Man0nTheStreet April 24, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Ghostly images will form out of Ewick-Ewickson's on-camera pork-farts…

ifthethunderdontgetya April 24, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Delaware has elephants and crocodiles?

Sorry, Caps-Bruins game 7. I'm all about the wildlife!
~

Barb April 24, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Who are you rooting for?

ifthethunderdontgetya April 24, 2012 at 6:54 pm

I grew up in D.C.

I remember listening to some Caps games on the radio back in the 70s.

Yvon Labre was one of our best players.
~

Barb April 24, 2012 at 6:58 pm

In that case, Go Capitols!

ifthethunderdontgetya April 24, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Well damn, it's tomorrow.

I coulda sweared it was tonight.

"Never mind"
~

HobbesEvilTwin April 24, 2012 at 6:12 pm

thanks, Delaware live blog, but my liquor cabinet hasn't made it through the primary season

years old triple sec, anyone?

Angry_Marmot April 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Soak some apple slices in that triple sec with a little orange juice and be amazed.

Pres.Beeblebrox April 24, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Well this should be interesting considering the turnout here in the 302 today has been described as "anemic". But for some reason Neut, he of the $50/picture photo op at the Hockessin Volunteer Fire Hall, seems to have made Delaware his firewall. This is simultaneously amusing and sad (as in Charlie-Brown-sad-song sad)…

NorthStarSpanx April 24, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Where is all the chest-puff-uppery we've seen in the heat of the debates? How on earth could the magnitude of this guys' hubris have waned into such a spectacular flame-out?

finallyhappy April 24, 2012 at 6:12 pm

What- there is still voting going on for these morons?

Pres.Beeblebrox April 24, 2012 at 6:13 pm
redarmyzombie April 24, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Hm, let's see, I have:

Wine
Rubbing Alcohol
14 lbs bag of coffee beans (whole)
Consistently less than four hours of sleep per night for the last 3 weeks

Yup, I'm set!

vodkamuppet April 24, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Pussy, grain alcohol gets it done way better.

starfanglednut April 24, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Mix it with cherry cough medicine, and you've got a drink worthy of this momentous occasion.

redarmyzombie April 24, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Hm, I seem to be running low. Would Vicodin pass as a viable substitute?

MissTaken April 24, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Better than the hipster kidz with their drinking of teh hand sanitizer. Purell or PBR? You make the call!

Fukui-sanYesOta April 24, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Both! SPRING BREAK! Or whatever the kidz yell these days.

Blueb4sunrise April 24, 2012 at 6:19 pm
e_z April 24, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Deleware, home of Monster Punkin' Chuckin'! (motto We're Gonna Hurl)

I would love to see Mitt and Newt loaded into one of the big Trebuchets and launched.

SheriffRoscoe April 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Fuckin crocs, man. I hope the elephant made herself a nice pair of shoes out of that fuckin thing.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 24, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Angry_Marmot April 24, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Check out Jean Pierre Hallet's Animal Kitabu: a crocodile tries that, the elephant stomps it flat and then wedges the corpse up in a tree.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 24, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Rum, vodka, a nice chianti and a 12-pack of some random mexican beer.

STUNT LIVER: ACTIVATE!

johnnyzhivago April 24, 2012 at 6:45 pm

There's an ELECTION this year????????? Get out!

BarackMyWorld April 24, 2012 at 6:47 pm

The Connecticut, New York, Rhode Island, and Pennsylvania primaries say "hello".

Callyson April 24, 2012 at 6:48 pm

The state slogan for Delaware is "Liberty and Independence"

Why do I suspect that Delaware voters are asking themselves where the hell the first one is, and whether they can get the second one if disaster strikes and Barry is not re – elected…

Monsieur_Grumpe April 24, 2012 at 6:49 pm

I wonder what Mitt's next gaffe will be?

Casually mentioning that the fat peasants burn in fireplace well enough that his gas bill is now only $10,000 a month?

Bragging about how hard his wife worked to keep the 23 nanny’s in line by constant nagging, wage withholding, firing and occasional whipping?

Asking random audience members if they know where he can find a really good and cheap Lamborghini mechanic?

And so on…

Rotundo_ April 24, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Mittens wouldn't drive anything nearly as interesting as a Lambo or Ferrari or even Porsche. Mittens is more a Mercedes kinda guy, and not the exciting ones either, no two-door-9-speed-sequential-shifting-transmission-200-miles-per-hour-stuff for him. Mr. Excitement he is not. Even.

cheetojeebus April 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm

and always something with a roof rack.

Man0nTheStreet April 24, 2012 at 7:38 pm

He should talk about the hard work he endured picking performance music for his Dressage (dancing!) Horses' exhibitions – Theme from "Rain Man"!!

edgydrifter April 24, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Witch / Pudding-Cup 2012

starfanglednut April 24, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Mmmmm pudding.

weejee April 24, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Ladybug witch

DerrickWildcat April 24, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Go Blue Hens!

finallyhappy April 24, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Avoid the Blue Hen diner- I ordered a salad(I know -my mistake) and there was a live slug in it(or free escargot?)

weejee April 24, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Will Xtine be there with Wolfie in her ladybug suit?

Biff April 24, 2012 at 7:43 pm
Man0nTheStreet April 24, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Of course – she didn't squeal the same way she usually does, so he shot her!

chascates April 24, 2012 at 8:03 pm

In fairness her hams and trotters resemble those of the porcine variety.

chascates April 24, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Newt Gingrich ‏ @newtgingrich

Another Delaware endorsement – http://www.newt.org/2012/04/22/gingrich-grabs-ano… Join us for our election night rally tonight – http://newt.org/events for more info

NYNYNYjr April 24, 2012 at 8:14 pm

There's an African Crocodile in the zoo, and a Croc's wearing African in the White House!!

ifthethunderdontgetya April 24, 2012 at 8:35 pm

"An armed society is a polite society."

- NRA

Angry_Marmot April 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Shiva must be the politest of gods.

BZ1 April 24, 2012 at 9:05 pm

is there anybody out there that cares about this?

fitley April 24, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Mitt just said "Who goes to Outback Steakhouse, crackheads"?

ttommyunger April 25, 2012 at 7:05 am

Three figures in that pix have bitten off way more than they can chew; and one of them is the Croc.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Watching the Devils and Panthers here. I want the devils to lose.
If called by a Panther, don't anther.

Angry_Marmot April 24, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Gotta go with the Devils. With the Redwings out, I root for whichever team has a mythical beast for its mascot.

horsedreamer_1 April 24, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Fun Ron-Ron fact: he attended high school with teevee star Reginald VelJohnson & CIA Director Emeritus George Tenet.

Pres.Beeblebrox April 24, 2012 at 10:57 pm

I love Bobbies. I'm a Delawarean. :) I think the Vegas Capriotti's is the one that the company was trying to close because they were doing promos with, um, strip clubs… seriously.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 11:07 pm

The Vegas location is weak and the employees are annoying. I live in New Mexico and you cannot find decent bread, bagels, etc. There is a bakery in Vegas, called "Great Buns" and they sell sub rolls. I'm going to pay them a visit.

Send me a Rita's Water Ice, please.

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