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Announcement: Live-Blogging Of Ye Olde Delaware Primarye To Commence Sometime Maybe

Those marvelous beasts!Howdy, pardners! Kirsten Boyd Johnston and other special guests (me) will be OCCUPYing THE TELEVISION to relate to you some things what are said thereon, about this, the 412th electoral contest of the Republican primary season! We will be doing this maybe at like 8 p.m. Eastern, WHO EVEN KNOWS? Mitt Romney will probably say something weird and uncomfortable and smack his lips too loud when he talks which is not any more offputting than anything else he does, and Newt Gingrich will definitely ramble on like a jackal with herpes because nobody is allowed to use teleprompterz anymore because they are Of Satan, and probably, like, Chris Matthews will say some shit too. Oh, what a time we shall have, with only each other and sweet healing booze for solace in this, the most boring fucking primary we have ever witnessed. Get your liquor cabinet at the ready, and check back, for larfs and pain!

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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88 comments

    1. BarackMyWorld

      Be there or be Rodney Square.
      A reference you wouldn't get unless you are from Delaware.

      I see what you did THERE.

      1. Barb

        Hey, BMW! I lived in Delaware for 20 years. My daughters went to Sanford Prep School, near the place Newt was charging $50.00 for a photo. Crickette still lives there. God, I am craving a sub from Capriotti's right now.

          1. Barb

            Have you ever had a Bobbie? I am going to Vegas here in a few hours and they have a Capriotti's there. I can't wait!

          2. Pres.Beeblebrox

            I love Bobbies. I'm a Delawarean. :) I think the Vegas Capriotti's is the one that the company was trying to close because they were doing promos with, um, strip clubs… seriously.

          3. Barb

            The Vegas location is weak and the employees are annoying. I live in New Mexico and you cannot find decent bread, bagels, etc. There is a bakery in Vegas, called "Great Buns" and they sell sub rolls. I'm going to pay them a visit.

            Send me a Rita's Water Ice, please.

  1. Texan_Bulldog

    I have to admit that I'm impressed that you care enough about these primaries to do this. Oh and ACORN!!1!!!!!1

    1. Terry

      Aren't candidates in Del primaries required to tour massive chicken farms and say good things about DuPont?

    2. horsedreamer_1

      He'll pick Promise Ring's "Nothing Feels Right" as the house album?

      (Not so fun fact: Jade Tree Records is still alive & kickin'… But at least I don't have herpes — it's just my Dick's itchin'.)

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I'll bring those little vienna sausages. And, ahem, another, much larger sausage, if any of the laydeez are interested.

          1. horsedreamer_1

            Fun Ron-Ron fact: he attended high school with teevee star Reginald VelJohnson & CIA Director Emeritus George Tenet.

          1. Barb

            Watching the Devils and Panthers here. I want the devils to lose.
            If called by a Panther, don't anther.

          2. Angry_Marmot

            Gotta go with the Devils. With the Redwings out, I root for whichever team has a mythical beast for its mascot.

  2. HobbesEvilTwin

    thanks, Delaware live blog, but my liquor cabinet hasn't made it through the primary season

    years old triple sec, anyone?

  3. Pres.Beeblebrox

    Well this should be interesting considering the turnout here in the 302 today has been described as "anemic". But for some reason Neut, he of the $50/picture photo op at the Hockessin Volunteer Fire Hall, seems to have made Delaware his firewall. This is simultaneously amusing and sad (as in Charlie-Brown-sad-song sad)…

  4. NorthStarSpanx

    Where is all the chest-puff-uppery we've seen in the heat of the debates? How on earth could the magnitude of this guys' hubris have waned into such a spectacular flame-out?

  5. redarmyzombie

    Hm, let's see, I have:

    Wine
    Rubbing Alcohol
    14 lbs bag of coffee beans (whole)
    Consistently less than four hours of sleep per night for the last 3 weeks

    Yup, I'm set!

      1. MissTaken

        Better than the hipster kidz with their drinking of teh hand sanitizer. Purell or PBR? You make the call!

  6. e_z

    Deleware, home of Monster Punkin' Chuckin'! (motto We're Gonna Hurl)

    I would love to see Mitt and Newt loaded into one of the big Trebuchets and launched.

  7. SheriffRoscoe

    Fuckin crocs, man. I hope the elephant made herself a nice pair of shoes out of that fuckin thing.

  8. Fukui-sanYesOta

    Rum, vodka, a nice chianti and a 12-pack of some random mexican beer.

    STUNT LIVER: ACTIVATE!

  9. Callyson

    The state slogan for Delaware is "Liberty and Independence"

    Why do I suspect that Delaware voters are asking themselves where the hell the first one is, and whether they can get the second one if disaster strikes and Barry is not re – elected…

  10. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I wonder what Mitt's next gaffe will be?

    Casually mentioning that the fat peasants burn in fireplace well enough that his gas bill is now only $10,000 a month?

    Bragging about how hard his wife worked to keep the 23 nanny’s in line by constant nagging, wage withholding, firing and occasional whipping?

    Asking random audience members if they know where he can find a really good and cheap Lamborghini mechanic?

    And so on…

    1. Rotundo_

      Mittens wouldn't drive anything nearly as interesting as a Lambo or Ferrari or even Porsche. Mittens is more a Mercedes kinda guy, and not the exciting ones either, no two-door-9-speed-sequential-shifting-transmission-200-miles-per-hour-stuff for him. Mr. Excitement he is not. Even.

    2. Man0nTheStreet

      He should talk about the hard work he endured picking performance music for his Dressage (dancing!) Horses' exhibitions – Theme from "Rain Man"!!

    1. finallyhappy

      Avoid the Blue Hen diner- I ordered a salad(I know -my mistake) and there was a live slug in it(or free escargot?)

  11. NYNYNYjr

    There's an African Crocodile in the zoo, and a Croc's wearing African in the White House!!

  12. ttommyunger

    Three figures in that pix have bitten off way more than they can chew; and one of them is the Croc.

Comments are closed.