but in my arms she was always lolita

Iranian Diplomat Too Sexy For Pre-Teens He Fondled In Public Pool

SexyIs it just us, or is it kind of ick-nast that an Iranian diplomat posted in Brasilia fondled and groped at least four girls between the ages of 9 and 15 in a public swimming pool? It must be just us: The Iranians have called him home, but totes not for the fondling. No, it was because he shouldn’t have been at a mixed-sex swimming pool in the first place, because men can’t control their urges when they see bare ankles and wrists and the next thing you know they are molesting all the prepubescents, that is just SCIENCE, OBVS. Haha Muslins and whatnot, SO FUNNY LOLS!

“People wanted to kill him,” a father of one of the girls told the new website G1.

Brazilian police arrested [Hekmatollah] Ghorbani but he was released under diplomatic immunity. The Iranian embassy in Brasilia defended Ghorbani in a statement calling the incident a “cultural misunderstanding,” a comment which Mehmanparast was asked about Tuesday.

“On principle, we do not accept this person being at a mixed-sex swimming pool, and it is considered a disciplinary violation and therefore he was summoned home at once and we are reviewing his case,” Mehmanparast replied.

Then they complained the incident was being “twisted” because of Americans’ hard-on for war with Iran, which, just maybe don’t employ such rapey diplomats, ALLEGEDLY? But don’t worry, we will not war with you over that, we will be sure to plant some WMDs first, because we learned our lesson from the last time. :(

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    1. Man0nTheStreet

      I'm sure he'd performed a quick "Temporary Marriage" with them, from a distance, before he made contact, since not doing that would be wrong

  1. Trannysurprise

    This diplomat should have never invoked his diplomatic immunity. Whatever punishment was coming in Brazil would be better than being beheaded in Iran for sitting in "tainted" water.

  2. Generation[redacted]

    "Forgive my sexytime fondling. It was a cultural misunderstanding" — Ambassador Borat

  3. Callyson

    Mehmanparast also said the incident was being twisted by some Western and Arab media “for political gain” against Iran.

    Yeah–speaking up against child molestation is a contested political issue upon which left and right cannot agree…

    …Christ, I meant that to be sarcastic, but with today's wingnuts you never know…

    1. actor212

      I understand former Representative Mark Foley is already mounting a young teen task force to investigate Brazilian wading pools for the 2016 RNC convention.

  4. widestanceromance

    The law's the law. All of these little ankle-shaking sluts must be put to death for their crimes, otherwise, none of this man's women relatives will be worthy of marriage for 900 years.

    It's the right thing to do. The man's honor is at stake here, people!

  5. actor212

    diplomatic immunity

    So lemme see, so far we have "penitent-priest confidentiality," "diplomatic immunity"….am I missing any free passes in the child abuse epidemic?

    Cowardly adults who ought to know better: 8
    Children: 0

  6. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Perfect way for Obama to guarantee he wins in November. Gather up the raunchiest adult/child porn and drop it all over Iran. The Army and politicians will be so busy masturbating themselves into bloody stumps, they won't even notice when Israel takes out their nukes.

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I'm sorry, but you deserve a whole lot more fisting than you are getting for that.

  7. BarackMyWorld

    "Good think he had diplomatic immunity, because Iran out of excuses," said the consulate spokesman.

      1. el_donaldo

        Now if only we could get GOP congressmen to adopt similar ridiculous attire to warn small children away.

    1. Radiotherapy

      You may be onto something here. Didn't Donahue say yesterday the Caths were going into league with the Muslins against Jon Stewart? Why, yes!

  8. SayItWithWookies

    That diplomat has a lot to learn about the West — here that's not legal unless you start your own religion and your deity tells you it's okay.

  9. SexySmurf

    Iranian…fondled and groped at least four girls between the ages of 9 and 15 in a public swimming pool

    That's actually next week's episode of Shahs of Sunset.

  10. Blueb4sunrise

    Before they can do anything, Iran needs to know if any of the girls were menstruating .

  11. iburl

    This is prime evidence why theocracy is evil.
    "The problem is not that I'm a pervert, it's that the society does not adhere to my religion."

    1. comrad_darkness

      You mean like: Porn should be banned! [Otherwise I would watch it 24/7 and lose my job] — The Southern Baptists

  12. Dashboard Buddha

    I'm too sexy for this pool,too sexy for this pool
    My religious brothers all drool
    I'm too sexy for this tub, too sexy for this tub
    Little kids I want to rub

    I'm a diplomat you know what I mean
    I can do what I want 'cuz I'm immune
    Immune yeah, immune yeah
    I can do what I want 'cuz I'm immune

  13. NYNYNYjr

    He was just examining them to see if they would make suitable wives. Imagine going from extreme cover up of Saudi Arabia or Iran to butt-floss-and topless-good-outdoor-wear Brazil. It must give some guys raging misunderstandings.

    1. Steverino247

      Remind me not to allow my granddaughter anywhere near my time machine. Age of consent at seven?!

  14. HobbesEvilTwin

    a religious fanatic and a sex scandal. to paraphrase this country's best secretary of state ever, no one could have imagined it

  15. Wile E. Quixote

    I'm sure that Bill Donohue and Pope Ratzi are palm-slapping their foreheads now and thinking "'cultural misunderstanding', damn, think of all of the money on lawyers fees and settlements we could have saved if we had used that excuse."

  16. M. Bouffant

    From Foreign Policy's Sex Issue (The skin crawls.):

    In his 1961 religious treatise A Clarification of Questions (Towzih al-Masael), Khomeini issued detailed pronouncements on issues ranging from sodomy ("If a man sodomizes the son, brother, or father of his wife after their marriage, the marriage remains valid") to bestiality ("If a person has intercourse with a cow, a sheep, or a camel, their urine and dung become impure and drinking their milk will be unlawful").

    1. Douché

      I guess that kind of makes sense. But you know, ewe!!!! It's pretty baaaaad that they have to clarify that.

    2. Boojum

      What if you sodomize the second cousin twice removed of the wife's aunt's dead husband? Not that I need to know or nothin'…..

    3. starfanglednut

      "Imagine you are a young man sleeping in your bedroom. In the bedroom directly below, your aunt lies asleep. Now imagine that an earthquake happens that collapses your floor, causing you to fall directly on top of her. For the sake of argument, let's assume that you're both nude, and you're erect, and you land with such perfect precision on top of her that you unintentionally achieve intercourse. "

      And who hasn't had this happen? I'm sure we can all relate.

    4. comrad_darkness

      Why does this make me think that men there had a tendency to marry the sister, wife, daughter, mother of the guy they had the hots for?

  17. Douché

    I had a subdural Hekmatollah once, but with time they clear up and go away. Because, you know, Americans.

    1. comrad_darkness

      The subtle power of propaganda. [the best propaganda is true. but you don't live in brazil, do you?]

  18. HarryButtle

    If that had been MY daughter, I'd have gone all Israeli on his ass. Dude would be BEGGING to be sent back to Iran to have his head cut off.

  19. pinkocommi

    This story really makes me want to break the Wonkette/Rebecca prohibition on wishing violence on another person. Pedophiles are an exception, right?

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