THERE WILL BE BLOOD  3:51 pm April 24, 2012

Here Is Your New Occupy Wall Street Poster Of A Unicorn Biting Pepper-Spray Cop’s Head Off

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Occupy Narnia!

What it says, dudes.

So you know how all the liberal media are always whining, “BUT WE DON’T KNOW WHAT OCCUPY IS FOOOOOR,” and you tell them shut up of course you know what Occupy is for? And that is to END THE FED and IMPEACH OBAMA because WAR CRIMES and also I WILL NOT VOTE FOR THE ‘LESSER OF TWO EVILS,’ at which point your editrix punches her little Occupy brother in the face (no, not that little brother, a different little brother) and explains that a Nader vote carries with it real-life consequences, mostly in the form of a lifetime of shame.

What we are trying to say is that this Occupy Narnia poster is not going to reduce the confusion, and nor should it because it is awesome just the way it is. (We hope it goes without saying that only unicorns should tear the heads off policemen, no matter how richly deserved, and also that the Black Bloc sucks, the end.)

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 126 comments }

Barb April 24, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Nader: unicorns unsafe at any speed.

Jus_Wonderin April 24, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Though, I heard the 1965 models were not prone to the characteristic "tuck under" crashes.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Yes, but at least their horns work

montreal_bruin April 24, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Remember, it's the car with the unique horn.

Jus_Wonderin April 24, 2012 at 3:54 pm

When I was a wee one, I wanted a Unicorn. I would have named it Pokey.

Nostrildamus April 24, 2012 at 6:38 pm

The wife calls my wee Pokey.

IndianaKevin April 24, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Because that's its job.

coolhandnuke April 24, 2012 at 3:56 pm

The late, great Howard Zinn would dig this poster.

FlownOver April 24, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Peter Max goes negative. At last.

mavenmaven April 24, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I had that very same vision after a really bad acid trip once.

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I'm calling bullshit.

What cop wears pastels?

GOPCrusher April 24, 2012 at 4:47 pm

The cop in The Village People?

MissTaken April 24, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I hate work. Especially when it involves a jerk cop's crotch.

flamingpdog April 24, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I want to see that creature mounting the cop, not tearing his head off. UNICORNHOLE!!!

Jus_Wonderin April 24, 2012 at 3:59 pm

"Uh huh huh huh".

Biff April 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Like Unicornholio, right?

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Yes, except he keeps tearing the t shirt

bagofmice April 24, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Unicornholio lurks in the woods of lake Titicaca, and has a predilection for spicy foods!

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Needs more TP.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Are you threatening me???

Biff April 24, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Hengh?

MissTaken April 24, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I miss Blingee.

SorosBot April 24, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I hadn't realized that until now, but yes I do miss the blingees too.

ChernobylSoup April 24, 2012 at 3:58 pm

May 1st is gay unicorn day or gay headless cop day?

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Yes.

Sassomatic April 24, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Fuck work. Fuck work like it is the penis of a cop whose head has just been bitten off by a unicorn.

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Here we see the violence inherent in the system.

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

" 'elp, 'elp! I'm being repressed eaten by a unicorn!"

stncmchnc April 24, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I'll bite your legs off! And I'm 37. I mean 39, for the past seven years.

criminogenic April 24, 2012 at 5:55 pm

it's just a flesh wound

redarmyzombie April 24, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Hey, isn't it odd how the 'liberal' media obsessed incessantly about the teabaggers yet gives less time to OWS that we here at Wonkette? Just sayin'.

BornInATrailer April 24, 2012 at 4:03 pm

That's because the Tea Party was honest grass roots activism, not corporate funded astroturf. Wait..

Chet Kincaid April 25, 2012 at 12:11 am

Whether the teabag movement is phony or not, the question is, who has OWS elected?

BornInATrailer April 25, 2012 at 11:57 am

Yep.

Tea Party 1 : OWS 0

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Quite a fountain of blood there. That cop should get his blood pressure checked.

ChernobylSoup April 24, 2012 at 4:05 pm

His employer nixed bp checks from the plan. On religious grounds.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Well, see, Jesus said "Take, drink, this is my blood…" so that means any fountaining is really just like a water fountain.

bagofmice April 24, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Given the whole water into wine stunt, are we sure that isn't a fountain of Merlot spewing forth?

MissTaken April 24, 2012 at 4:01 pm

♫ A gay boy wished
For a planet full of unicorns
Planet Unicorn
Unicorn Planet ♫

littlebigdaddy April 24, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Let's hear it for Cadillac!

MissTaken April 24, 2012 at 4:41 pm

And Tom Cruise!

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Good lord, Editrix! Didn't your parents ever hear of overpopulation?????

I mean, you know, my parents had five kids but they were fucking idiots…(mind you I say that as kid #5)

SayItWithWookies April 24, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Oh, a general strike — excellent. I'll ask my boss if I can have the day off.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I've alread filed the triplicate "Vacation Refusal Form"…

flamingpdog April 24, 2012 at 4:04 pm
flamingpdog April 24, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Crap – I can't even spell Mayday right!

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I'm certainly getting a mixed message from this poster.

Radiotherapy April 24, 2012 at 4:04 pm

The only thing better would be the head impaled on Uni's horn, for the lulz.

Sassomatic April 24, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Metaphorically, of course.

GOPCrusher April 24, 2012 at 4:50 pm

WITH VOTES!

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 4:05 pm

There were recently a wave of bomb threats at one of the colleges here, and one of my co-workers (Slack jawed yokel Tee-Baugher) said, and I quote, "It's those Occupy Wall street bums". I asked why he thought it was them. He paused and after furrowing he brow for the standard talking head Mad Libs answer "place sound bite here" and said "It's just them."

Callyson April 24, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Christ, is that *still* going on at Pitt? My parents went there and they would be freaked out if they were still alive to hear about this shit. WTF?

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 4:19 pm

They stopped it yesterday. Their "demands were met" as to what the demands are, who's to say. Maybe a ping-pong table in the student rec room?

emmelemm April 24, 2012 at 5:51 pm

When we were in college, my best friend started an organization she called "People for Recable-ization of Undergraduate Dorms" – PROUD, for short. They took the cable out of the lounges in our dorms, see?

This was…. a long time ago, before all our 'puters connected to the intertubes, and everyone had their newfangled iPhonetabletwirelessdevice for entertainment.

Sharkey April 24, 2012 at 4:05 pm

It looks like he's pepper-spraying himself! Haha, I kill me.

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 4:14 pm

That's the first thing I noticed as well. That has to be intentional.

Boojum April 24, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Euni is using his face as her shield.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Now's a good time for us to remember that we don't wish ill or death or severe injury on our foes and that our fervent hope is that the Pepper Spray Cop's head is saved and miraculously, it gets sewed back on and Pepper Spray Cop heals and realizes that he did wrong and will never ever do this again.

(I say this because clearly unicorns exist now, so I can hope again)

el_donaldo April 24, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Say, Unicorn, do you have any plans for that skull? Open to suggestions?

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Mayan soccer?

redarmyzombie April 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Would said suggestion happen to involve a chainsaw?

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Ooh! Ooh! I have an idea!

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Gee…I can't imagine what that would be….

commiegirl April 24, 2012 at 4:19 pm

WIN

Negropolis April 25, 2012 at 4:43 am

Fuckery; definitely fuckery. There is no other option.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 4:06 pm

He's spraying HiMSELF in the face with mace! Mind, meet blown. Blown, mind.

weejee April 24, 2012 at 4:07 pm

General Strike? Wasn't she the commander of the Alinsky Brigade?

Biff April 24, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I thought it was another one of Professor Chaos' minions on South Park?

SteveMcCroskey April 24, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I must have missed this episode of The Joy of Painting. What a happy little unicorn.

Radiotherapy April 24, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Finally, music for the revolution.

Extemporanus April 24, 2012 at 4:09 pm

O/T (and possibly previously mentioned? apologies!):

Did any of you HBO-havin' One Percenters happen to catch the premier of Veep the other night? It stars Elaine "Julia Louis-Dreyfus" Benes as Joe Biden, that awkward Anna Chlumsky girl who was in My Girl as a girl but who's all growed up now (and how!), and that dude who played Buster Bluth on Arrested Development doing his best Buster Bluth from Arrested Development impression.

The "fuck"-strewn, snarky-ass script read like (was ripped from??) a totally libelous Wonkette comment thread [SPOILER ALERT!]: pre-mortem ideation, and post-mortem skullfuckery, of a sexually assaultive senator; a "hoist with his own retard" gaffe that gives rise to "Retardgate" and cries of "fucktard"; also, too, (not really) buttsecks; TruckNutz; all of 'em; etc…

All in all, pretty fucking funny—I give it one enthusiastic fucking fist up.

Man0nTheStreet April 24, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Whoa – sweeeet Tat, maaaan!
Get it done in one sitting?

crybabyboehner April 24, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I remember this scene from "Yellow Submarine."

Callyson April 24, 2012 at 4:16 pm

As we live a life of ease
Every one of us has all we need
(One of us, has all we need)
Sky of blue and sea of green
(Sky of blue, sea of green)
In our yellow submarine
(In our yellow, submarine, aha)

Must have been nice…

Barb April 24, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Mom, are we live blogging the primary stuff tonight? I need to know how complicated to make dinner if we are. Is it a light pasta meal tonight or a turduckhen?

redarmyzombie April 24, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Obviously, this calls for Paula Dean's recipe for fetus deep-fried in butter!

Barb April 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm

That's disgusting RedArmy! This is Wonkette and we BBQ babies. Anything less is just wrong. Then again, if the tempura batter is made with club soda this could work out nicely.

redarmyzombie April 24, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Well, if we're going for a more erudite selection then I highly recommend the fetus sauteed with white wine and asparagus. Pairs well with the morning-after martini as well.

GOPCrusher April 24, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Perhaps with a nice arugula-spinach salad with a vinagrette?

flamingpdog April 24, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Preznit Barry is going to be speaking tonight about students loans at my University of the Square State at 6:30 PM, played locally on teh progressive radio station. As much as I'll be holding my nose, I'd rather listen to that than the (yawn) primary results. 760 AM, KKZN – you can prolly hear it on teh internets.

FlownOver April 24, 2012 at 4:30 pm

FoamDome?

Maman April 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Are the Wobblies pro-unicorn, cuz if so, I am in!

crybabyboehner April 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

But if the unicorns go on strike, who will deflower the virgins?

Biff April 24, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Line forms over here, behind actor212 and me.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 8:20 pm

*raises hand*
*Iooks around*
What?
I'm volunteering to deflower the *male* virgins.

HistoriCat April 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Male virgins need deflowering too my friend!

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:14 pm

*raising hand*

I'll need to put in some overtime, tho

CrunchyKnee April 24, 2012 at 4:14 pm

That's as beautiful as a rock in cop's face.

johnnymeatworth April 24, 2012 at 4:15 pm

So the candy mountain is red? Who knew???

flamingpdog April 24, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Um, Rule 2, editrix?

IndianaKevin April 24, 2012 at 8:32 pm

We should self-enforce because besides the other good reasons, we know Homeland Security knows all because the innernet corporations give it all our communications. For terrorism.

MosesInvests April 24, 2012 at 11:52 pm

No pooftahs?

SorosBot April 24, 2012 at 4:17 pm

The 0-level NPCs are occupying Waterdeep, and demanding equal treatment to high level characters.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Send in ambassador Binks. That ought to keep them….wait for it….occupied.

CapnFatback April 24, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Today's unicorn takes no shit. back in my day, the plaintive unicorn stared forlornly at humanity's injustices and brooded.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Guerilla unicorn

Part of the Symbiolese Liberation Army. Note the beret at the bottom of its horn

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Unicorns & decapitations. Was this poster designed by an 11 year old girl or a 16 year old boy?

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:27 pm

All of them, Katie

CommieLibunatic April 24, 2012 at 4:21 pm
ifthethunderdontgetya April 24, 2012 at 4:21 pm

"Nader" (verb): "Shut up and vote for the right-wing Democrat who is shitting on your face."

That's when I reach for my revolver.
~

prommie April 24, 2012 at 4:23 pm

We need the crazy hippies out there, god bless them, they do drag the center a little to the left, and make it slightly less communist to be a plain old Roosevelt-type Yurpeen Social Welfare and Social Justice advocating Democrat.

Nopantsmcgee April 24, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I guess I juts don't get today's young hippies. That poster is like a soviet-era animated feature from Russia. Weird, confusing and a little nauseating.

vodkamuppet April 24, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Oh that was your little brother that posted that?! Great, the special relationship we have in my dreams can remain intact. So Editrix, how you doin?

GOPCrusher April 24, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Yesterday, the President says that we should not let the seeds of hate grow, and today we are hit right in the face with more of this left wing hate rhetoric.

ingloriousbytch April 24, 2012 at 5:05 pm

… a Nader vote carries with it real-life consequences, mostly in the form of a lifetime of shame.

Ain't it the truth? Twelve years of sitting in the shower, drinking whiskey while the scalding hot water flows over my body and I still can't forgive myself.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 8:21 pm

*scrubs frantically*
Can't…
get…
clean…

ttommyunger April 25, 2012 at 7:18 am

And Bill "I'm too smart for my clothes" Maher admits to it.

imissopus April 24, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Fox News headline: LIBERAL OBAMA BREEDING A SECRET ARMY OF BLOODTHIRSTY UNICORNS TO PROTECT OCCUPY PROTESTERS FROM LAW ENFORCEMENT.

tcaalaw April 24, 2012 at 6:06 pm

It's good, but it would be a perfect piece of art, on par with the finest European masters, if the blood spray droplets were in the shape of little hearts.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 8:17 pm

And/or made out of glitter.

friendlyskies April 24, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Good grief, if a government-payroll agent provocateur *wasn't* responsible for this abomination, they should just pack up the DHS and go home. There's nothing an army of nefarious spooks could do that would delegitimize #OWS more than that. Sheesh.

Guppy April 24, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Shouldn't the rainbow be coming out of the unicorn's ass?

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 8:13 pm

"So you know how all the liberal media are always whining, “BUT WE DON’T KNOW WHAT OCCUPY IS FOOOOOR,” and you tell them shut up of course you know what Occupy is for?"

As is so often the case, Tom Tomorrow is awesome:
http://visualizeconversation.com/archives/tag/thi

BZ1 April 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

WTF, as Lou Sarah would say …

fuflans April 24, 2012 at 11:42 pm

yeah right. like unicorns would be docile, lovely things.

fuckers would be plowing down everything. horn in front, hooves in back, pointy teeth, deceptive beauty.

fucking plowing everything down.

Chet Kincaid April 25, 2012 at 12:15 am

Where is the chorus of outrage from the hordes of OWS-enthused Wonkette commenters?! Because that post right there is like a steaming dump on the irrational exuberance of the previous proprietor.

WonkCynic April 25, 2012 at 1:41 am

Dear Occupy Kool-aid chuggers. Please show up at our protests so that your faces can be photographed for our DHS and TSA face recognition software database(s). As soon as the cleansing begins, an Obama mandated drone will fly over your house to show you some Occupy love.

Negropolis April 25, 2012 at 4:46 am

Wow, two consecutive troll posts. This is getting good, and, well, you need to get when the getting is good.

ttommyunger April 25, 2012 at 7:21 am

If one of my kids had done something like this I would: 1- Discourage him/her from pursuing graphic arts. 2- Worry about him/her. I'm pretty sure (read hopeful) this wasn't done by an adult.

Lazy Media April 25, 2012 at 7:36 am

More like General Disarray, nyuk, nyuk, amirite? Anyone? South Park reference?

DahBoner April 25, 2012 at 3:44 pm

You spray and you spray, but the Rainbow Unicorns keep comin' back…

edludd April 26, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Here is a formal response to the poster (and reaction) from some of its authors: http://ideasandaction.info/2012/04/solidarity-uni

redarmyzombie April 24, 2012 at 5:14 pm

And a cranberry mousse, lightly flambéed.

bagofmice April 24, 2012 at 8:27 pm

After that much capsaicin, you'd have to.

In addition, formatting HTML on an iOS device is hell.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Oh, you know, like Cornholio always says: "Are you threatening me???"

Biff April 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I didn't know that, since I only watched B+B about often enough to know Cornholio exists, but not often enough to know which one wore the AC-DC shirt…

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