there will be blood

Here Is Your New Occupy Wall Street Poster Of A Unicorn Biting Pepper-Spray Cop’s Head Off

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Occupy Narnia!

What it says, dudes.

So you know how all the liberal media are always whining, “BUT WE DON’T KNOW WHAT OCCUPY IS FOOOOOR,” and you tell them shut up of course you know what Occupy is for? And that is to END THE FED and IMPEACH OBAMA because WAR CRIMES and also I WILL NOT VOTE FOR THE ‘LESSER OF TWO EVILS,’ at which point your editrix punches her little Occupy brother in the face (no, not that little brother, a different little brother) and explains that a Nader vote carries with it real-life consequences, mostly in the form of a lifetime of shame.

What we are trying to say is that this Occupy Narnia poster is not going to reduce the confusion, and nor should it because it is awesome just the way it is. (We hope it goes without saying that only unicorns should tear the heads off policemen, no matter how richly deserved, and also that the Black Bloc sucks, the end.)

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    Nader: unicorns unsafe at any speed.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Though, I heard the 1965 models were not prone to the characteristic "tuck under" crashes.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Yes, but at least their horns work

      • montreal_bruin

        Remember, it's the car with the unique horn.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    When I was a wee one, I wanted a Unicorn. I would have named it Pokey.

    • Nostrildamus

      The wife calls my wee Pokey.

      • IndianaKevin

        Because that's its job.

  • coolhandnuke

    The late, great Howard Zinn would dig this poster.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Peter Max goes negative. At last.

  • mavenmaven

    I had that very same vision after a really bad acid trip once.

  • Fare la Volpe

    I'm calling bullshit.

    What cop wears pastels?

    • GOPCrusher

      The cop in The Village People?

  • MissTaken

    I hate work. Especially when it involves a jerk cop's crotch.

  • flamingpdog

    I want to see that creature mounting the cop, not tearing his head off. UNICORNHOLE!!!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "Uh huh huh huh".

      • Biff

        Like Unicornholio, right?

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Yes, except he keeps tearing the t shirt

        • bagofmice

          Unicornholio lurks in the woods of lake Titicaca, and has a predilection for spicy foods!

          • tessiee

            Needs more TP.

          • bagofmice

            After that much capsaicin, you'd have to.

            In addition, formatting HTML on an iOS device is hell.

        • tessiee

          Are you threatening me???

          • Biff

            Hengh?

          • tessiee

            Oh, you know, like Cornholio always says: "Are you threatening me???"

          • Biff

            I didn't know that, since I only watched B+B about often enough to know Cornholio exists, but not often enough to know which one wore the AC-DC shirt…

  • MissTaken

    I miss Blingee.

    • SorosBot

      I hadn't realized that until now, but yes I do miss the blingees too.

  • ChernobylSoup

    May 1st is gay unicorn day or gay headless cop day?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Yes.

  • Sassomatic

    Fuck work. Fuck work like it is the penis of a cop whose head has just been bitten off by a unicorn.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Here we see the violence inherent in the system.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      " 'elp, 'elp! I'm being repressed eaten by a unicorn!"

    • stncmchnc

      I'll bite your legs off! And I'm 37. I mean 39, for the past seven years.

    • criminogenic

      it's just a flesh wound

  • redarmyzombie

    Hey, isn't it odd how the 'liberal' media obsessed incessantly about the teabaggers yet gives less time to OWS that we here at Wonkette? Just sayin'.

    • BornInATrailer

      That's because the Tea Party was honest grass roots activism, not corporate funded astroturf. Wait..

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Whether the teabag movement is phony or not, the question is, who has OWS elected?

        • BornInATrailer

          Yep.

          Tea Party 1 : OWS 0

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Quite a fountain of blood there. That cop should get his blood pressure checked.

    • ChernobylSoup

      His employer nixed bp checks from the plan. On religious grounds.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Well, see, Jesus said "Take, drink, this is my blood…" so that means any fountaining is really just like a water fountain.

        • bagofmice

          Given the whole water into wine stunt, are we sure that isn't a fountain of Merlot spewing forth?

  • MissTaken

    ♫ A gay boy wished
    For a planet full of unicorns
    Planet Unicorn
    Unicorn Planet ♫

    • littlebigdaddy

      Let's hear it for Cadillac!

      • MissTaken

        And Tom Cruise!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Good lord, Editrix! Didn't your parents ever hear of overpopulation?????

    I mean, you know, my parents had five kids but they were fucking idiots…(mind you I say that as kid #5)

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, a general strike — excellent. I'll ask my boss if I can have the day off.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I've alread filed the triplicate "Vacation Refusal Form"…

  • flamingpdog
    • flamingpdog

      Crap – I can't even spell Mayday right!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'm certainly getting a mixed message from this poster.

  • Radiotherapy

    The only thing better would be the head impaled on Uni's horn, for the lulz.

    • Sassomatic

      Metaphorically, of course.

    • GOPCrusher

      WITH VOTES!

  • Baconzgood

    There were recently a wave of bomb threats at one of the colleges here, and one of my co-workers (Slack jawed yokel Tee-Baugher) said, and I quote, "It's those Occupy Wall street bums". I asked why he thought it was them. He paused and after furrowing he brow for the standard talking head Mad Libs answer "place sound bite here" and said "It's just them."

    • Callyson

      Christ, is that *still* going on at Pitt? My parents went there and they would be freaked out if they were still alive to hear about this shit. WTF?

      • Baconzgood

        They stopped it yesterday. Their "demands were met" as to what the demands are, who's to say. Maybe a ping-pong table in the student rec room?

        • emmelemm

          When we were in college, my best friend started an organization she called "People for Recable-ization of Undergraduate Dorms" – PROUD, for short. They took the cable out of the lounges in our dorms, see?

          This was…. a long time ago, before all our 'puters connected to the intertubes, and everyone had their newfangled iPhonetabletwirelessdevice for entertainment.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    It looks like he's pepper-spraying himself! Haha, I kill me.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That's the first thing I noticed as well. That has to be intentional.

      • Boojum

        Euni is using his face as her shield.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Now's a good time for us to remember that we don't wish ill or death or severe injury on our foes and that our fervent hope is that the Pepper Spray Cop's head is saved and miraculously, it gets sewed back on and Pepper Spray Cop heals and realizes that he did wrong and will never ever do this again.

    (I say this because clearly unicorns exist now, so I can hope again)

  • el_donaldo

    Say, Unicorn, do you have any plans for that skull? Open to suggestions?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Mayan soccer?

    • redarmyzombie

      Would said suggestion happen to involve a chainsaw?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Ooh! Ooh! I have an idea!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Gee…I can't imagine what that would be….

    • commiegirl

      WIN

    • Negropolis

      Fuckery; definitely fuckery. There is no other option.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    He's spraying HiMSELF in the face with mace! Mind, meet blown. Blown, mind.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    General Strike? Wasn't she the commander of the Alinsky Brigade?

    • Biff

      I thought it was another one of Professor Chaos' minions on South Park?

  • SteveMcCroskey

    I must have missed this episode of The Joy of Painting. What a happy little unicorn.

  • Radiotherapy

    Finally, music for the revolution.

  • Extemporanus

    O/T (and possibly previously mentioned? apologies!):

    Did any of you HBO-havin' One Percenters happen to catch the premier of Veep the other night? It stars Elaine "Julia Louis-Dreyfus" Benes as Joe Biden, that awkward Anna Chlumsky girl who was in My Girl as a girl but who's all growed up now (and how!), and that dude who played Buster Bluth on Arrested Development doing his best Buster Bluth from Arrested Development impression.

    The "fuck"-strewn, snarky-ass script read like (was ripped from??) a totally libelous Wonkette comment thread [SPOILER ALERT!]: pre-mortem ideation, and post-mortem skullfuckery, of a sexually assaultive senator; a "hoist with his own retard" gaffe that gives rise to "Retardgate" and cries of "fucktard"; also, too, (not really) buttsecks; TruckNutz; all of 'em; etc…

    All in all, pretty fucking funny—I give it one enthusiastic fucking fist up.

  • Man0nTheStreet

    Whoa – sweeeet Tat, maaaan!
    Get it done in one sitting?

  • crybabyboehner

    I remember this scene from "Yellow Submarine."

    • Callyson

      As we live a life of ease
      Every one of us has all we need
      (One of us, has all we need)
      Sky of blue and sea of green
      (Sky of blue, sea of green)
      In our yellow submarine
      (In our yellow, submarine, aha)

      Must have been nice…

  • Barb

    Mom, are we live blogging the primary stuff tonight? I need to know how complicated to make dinner if we are. Is it a light pasta meal tonight or a turduckhen?

    • redarmyzombie

      Obviously, this calls for Paula Dean's recipe for fetus deep-fried in butter!

      • Barb

        That's disgusting RedArmy! This is Wonkette and we BBQ babies. Anything less is just wrong. Then again, if the tempura batter is made with club soda this could work out nicely.

        • redarmyzombie

          Well, if we're going for a more erudite selection then I highly recommend the fetus sauteed with white wine and asparagus. Pairs well with the morning-after martini as well.

          • GOPCrusher

            Perhaps with a nice arugula-spinach salad with a vinagrette?

          • redarmyzombie

            And a cranberry mousse, lightly flambéed.

    • flamingpdog

      Preznit Barry is going to be speaking tonight about students loans at my University of the Square State at 6:30 PM, played locally on teh progressive radio station. As much as I'll be holding my nose, I'd rather listen to that than the (yawn) primary results. 760 AM, KKZN – you can prolly hear it on teh internets.

      • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        FoamDome?

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Are the Wobblies pro-unicorn, cuz if so, I am in!

  • crybabyboehner

    But if the unicorns go on strike, who will deflower the virgins?

    • Biff

      Line forms over here, behind actor212 and me.

    • tessiee

      *raises hand*
      *Iooks around*
      What?
      I'm volunteering to deflower the *male* virgins.

      • HistoriCat

        Male virgins need deflowering too my friend!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    *raising hand*

    I'll need to put in some overtime, tho

  • CrunchyKnee

    That's as beautiful as a rock in cop's face.

  • johnnymeatworth

    So the candy mountain is red? Who knew???

  • flamingpdog

    Um, Rule 2, editrix?

    • IndianaKevin

      We should self-enforce because besides the other good reasons, we know Homeland Security knows all because the innernet corporations give it all our communications. For terrorism.

    • MosesInvests

      No pooftahs?

  • SorosBot

    The 0-level NPCs are occupying Waterdeep, and demanding equal treatment to high level characters.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Send in ambassador Binks. That ought to keep them….wait for it….occupied.

  • CapnFatback

    Today's unicorn takes no shit. back in my day, the plaintive unicorn stared forlornly at humanity's injustices and brooded.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Guerilla unicorn

      Part of the Symbiolese Liberation Army. Note the beret at the bottom of its horn

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Unicorns & decapitations. Was this poster designed by an 11 year old girl or a 16 year old boy?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      All of them, Katie

  • CommieLibunatic
  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    "Nader" (verb): "Shut up and vote for the right-wing Democrat who is shitting on your face."

    That's when I reach for my revolver.
    ~

  • prommie

    We need the crazy hippies out there, god bless them, they do drag the center a little to the left, and make it slightly less communist to be a plain old Roosevelt-type Yurpeen Social Welfare and Social Justice advocating Democrat.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    I guess I juts don't get today's young hippies. That poster is like a soviet-era animated feature from Russia. Weird, confusing and a little nauseating.

  • vodkamuppet

    Oh that was your little brother that posted that?! Great, the special relationship we have in my dreams can remain intact. So Editrix, how you doin?

  • GOPCrusher

    Yesterday, the President says that we should not let the seeds of hate grow, and today we are hit right in the face with more of this left wing hate rhetoric.

  • ingloriousbytch

    … a Nader vote carries with it real-life consequences, mostly in the form of a lifetime of shame.

    Ain't it the truth? Twelve years of sitting in the shower, drinking whiskey while the scalding hot water flows over my body and I still can't forgive myself.

    • tessiee

      *scrubs frantically*
      Can't…
      get…
      clean…

    • ttommyunger

      And Bill "I'm too smart for my clothes" Maher admits to it.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Fox News headline: LIBERAL OBAMA BREEDING A SECRET ARMY OF BLOODTHIRSTY UNICORNS TO PROTECT OCCUPY PROTESTERS FROM LAW ENFORCEMENT.

  • tcaalaw

    It's good, but it would be a perfect piece of art, on par with the finest European masters, if the blood spray droplets were in the shape of little hearts.

    • tessiee

      And/or made out of glitter.

  • friendlyskies

    Good grief, if a government-payroll agent provocateur *wasn't* responsible for this abomination, they should just pack up the DHS and go home. There's nothing an army of nefarious spooks could do that would delegitimize #OWS more than that. Sheesh.

  • Guppy

    Shouldn't the rainbow be coming out of the unicorn's ass?

  • tessiee

    "So you know how all the liberal media are always whining, “BUT WE DON’T KNOW WHAT OCCUPY IS FOOOOOR,” and you tell them shut up of course you know what Occupy is for?"

    As is so often the case, Tom Tomorrow is awesome:
    http://visualizeconversation.com/archives/tag/thi

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    WTF, as Lou Sarah would say …

  • fuflans

    yeah right. like unicorns would be docile, lovely things.

    fuckers would be plowing down everything. horn in front, hooves in back, pointy teeth, deceptive beauty.

    fucking plowing everything down.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Where is the chorus of outrage from the hordes of OWS-enthused Wonkette commenters?! Because that post right there is like a steaming dump on the irrational exuberance of the previous proprietor.

  • WonkCynic

    Dear Occupy Kool-aid chuggers. Please show up at our protests so that your faces can be photographed for our DHS and TSA face recognition software database(s). As soon as the cleansing begins, an Obama mandated drone will fly over your house to show you some Occupy love.

  • Negropolis

    Wow, two consecutive troll posts. This is getting good, and, well, you need to get when the getting is good.

  • ttommyunger

    If one of my kids had done something like this I would: 1- Discourage him/her from pursuing graphic arts. 2- Worry about him/her. I'm pretty sure (read hopeful) this wasn't done by an adult.

  • Lazy Media

    More like General Disarray, nyuk, nyuk, amirite? Anyone? South Park reference?

  • DahBoner

    You spray and you spray, but the Rainbow Unicorns keep comin' back…

  • edludd

    Here is a formal response to the poster (and reaction) from some of its authors: http://ideasandaction.info/2012/04/solidarity-uni