Newt, Newt, our hero Newt, what are you talking about? Weren’t we supposed to ride this train all the way to Tampa and fuck shit up at the convention? Now you’re saying you’re going to reassess the campaign after tonight. Weak, Newt. The Newt of ’78-’94 wouldn’t have caved like this. That Newt would’ve castrated Mitt Romney with a T-Rex skull, on pay-per-view. And then he would’ve gotten thrown out of the speakership, but still… would’ve been awesome.
Newt, according to NBC News, will “reassess his candidacy depending on his finish in Delaware” tonight. Yeah, as ol’ Lee Atwater maybe used to say, never drop out of a late-game national primary season until you’ve seen where Delaware lands, because it’s sort of a kingmaker — assuming more than zero people turn out. But sure, hinge it on a close Delaware primary that Romney doesn’t care about at all if that helps you save face. Knowing Newt, though, “depending on his finish in Delaware” probably means he’ll drop out if he wins and keep going if he loses.
[Reuters]
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Maybe you and Calista can get jobs as school janitors to pay off your campaign debt.
that was supposed to be work-study for high school students. By analogy, then, Newt and Calista should be janitors for….the local Tiffany?
This is bad news for Tiffany's.
Aaaand those schools will be condemned for unsanitary conditions in 3…2…1…
I hear Wal-Mart is looking for baggers.
I'd say Calista is definately a two-bagger.
Plastic AND paper, please.
Burlap, even.
Newt’s a double bagger-or just a BIG costco size cart.
Silly Wonketeers! Honest work is for the Browns.
Newt, according to NBC News, will “reassess his candidacy depending on his finish in Delaware” tonight.
What, no love for the Keystone State, which is also having a primary tonight?
Then again, Pennsylvanians are better off being ignored by the Newt…
Why do I get the feeling he has a "On to North Carolina" speech planned for tonight?
Because you saw a sneak preview of his stars'n'bars prom dress?
Maybe he's found some compromising pictures of Mitt and plans on becoming the power behind the throne. Like Cheney.
Maybe he can get a gig posing in the elephant costume at the convention for $5 an hour plus lunch.
The future of his campaign will hinge on whether or not he can successfully drive through Delaware by forcing the people in the tollbooths to accept his bad checks.
reassess his candidacy depending on his finish in Delaware
It's really because Xtine O'Donnell has the inside track to be Mrs. Neuter IV.
I thought Jonathan Moseley was the skateboard dude. Or is it snowboard? There are 'way too many sports these days.
Newt puts the ass in reassessing.
He also likes to re-ass frequently.
Goodbye to Mr & Mrs Gingrich, aka "Newtie and the Blowfish"
Their music was soooo 1990's.
Last week's campaign finance filings with the Federal Election Commission showed $4.3 million in debt.
Behold your new face of poverty, America.
Certainly, this is the kind of fiscal responsibility America needs at this time of crisis.
Is this the first time the Delaware primary has ever been treated as significant by anybody?
You mean besides Biden?
Delaware Libel!
Seriously, we must have a few Wonketteers from DE. You've hurt their fee-fees.
This DE Wonketteer thinks the whole "Neut's Delaware Firewall" thing is fucking hilarious. Usually our primaries don't mean shit, except of course when Biden* is running for Preznit.
*EDIT: Or Pete "Chemicals 'n' Credit Cards" du Pont
Having more corporate headquarters than constituents, Delaware is the only primary that matters in a GOP election.
I say he's looking into dumping Calista for Christine O'Donnell; hence Delaware. Otherwise, WTF?
Who will rid us of this troublesome beast?
I know a really irritated unicorn
I like Delaware, the LLCs are just the right height. ~Mitt Romney
Delaware corporations are people too my friend.
With very limited liability and no state income tax to speak of.
GINGRICH FOR PRESIDENT CAMPAIGN
OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: TUESDAY, APRIL 24, 2012
GINGRICH LEAVES CAMPAIGN TO FORM NEW POLITICAL ORGANIZATION WITH TED NUGENT, ORLY TAITZ AND PAULA DEEN
April 24, 2012 (Washington, D.C.)–Newt Gingrich formally announced today, Tuesday, April 24, 2012, that he is leaving the 2012 presidential campaign to form a new not-for-profit political consulting organization with Ted Nugent, Orly Taitz and Paula Deen. The new organization, In a New Search for America for a New Era (INSANE), promises to be one of the greatest political consulting organizations of all time, covering politics, government, law, crossbow hunting and food. "I'm excited about this new group, INSANE," said Nugent. "INSANE stands for what I am."
Stop the insanity!
Guess he's going to see how many $50 pictures of himself he can sell in Delaware before he makes a decision.
Nero and Caligula.Somehow that seems right.
If god really does love America, this should be the last that we ever hear from that douchebag.
That is not hard to pray to.
Doesn't he have a life time gig with Meet The Press?
You're thinking of McCain.
& Liebermann. & HAMBISCUITS. & John Bolton. & Dick &/or Liz Cheney.
AHAHAHA!! Oh, Hobbsey, you crack me up!
Don't worry, Cally. This frees you up for your thrice-weekly anal bleaching appointments.
Now her complexion makes sense: she's all asshole!
"Now you’re saying you’re going to reassess the campaign after tonight."
Let me help out here. Newt, Mitt has two possible jobs for you in his admistration: Secretary of Expensive Trophy Wives, and Piss-Boy.
But what about the moon colony? I've stockpiled cases of aluminum foil, cans of hobo beans, bottles of gin, boxes of condoms and ten thousand yards of duct tape in preparation for my trip to the moon colony. And now Newt is dropping out? You worthless bastard!
Hey, everyone! Party at Eve's tonight!
Well, that depends on the brand of gin.
Dude, really? Free gin and condoms!
Aight, I'll bring plenty of martini olives and ice.
First one taped to the wall gets a free sodomy!
Keep fucking that penguin, Newt!
That's no way to talk 'bout Callista. She's a more of a Secretary Bird.
And then there was one
And Ron Paul
RON PAUL
And Ron Paul stayed flat.
In a related piece, Romney is still assessing and reassessing on whether to call them Delawarians or Delawarites.
Delatards, if they vote for either of them
It's Delaware. Call them DuPonts. You're probably not far from the truth anyway
Delawarians? What are they, nuts?
I did poach from the Ignatowski cupboard.
My favorite Rev. Jim episode–Drivers License Exam..".What does a yellow light mean?"
Call 'em Blue Hens. Or better yet, Penguins. That'lll scare off Noot and his upholstered bobblehead sidekick.
Nah nah nah nah nah nah hey hey goodbye Moon Newt.
You know, those double-toilet hotel rooms must have taken a toll on his campaign budget…
He's counting on the crucial teabagger-Wiccan bloc in Delaware.
"That's no cigar!"
Yeah, as ol’ Lee Atwater maybe used to say, never drop out of a late-game national primary season until you’ve seen where Delaware lands, because it’s sort of a kingmaker — assuming more than zero people turn out.
No no, Jim! You're missing an important point here!
If he captures Delaware, he can take the Delmarva peninsula!
And then launch his amphibious attack on the Sudetenland!
And then he gets two free armies per turn?
For Newt, this campaign has been like a game of musical chairs — whichever intern he's banging when the music stops is the one he's stuck with. So he's gonna assess whether the chick in question is hot enough or if he should take his chances for another couple weeks in the hopes that he can do better.
I guess when you're trailing even Marine Le Pen in the U.S. polls…
And the HyperboleMeter™ drops back down to its normal ten-of-ten level.
The voters stuck a fork in Ole Newt months ago.
Chubby bastard just couldn't feel it, so he doesn't know he's done.
"Newt, according to NBC News, will “reassess his candidacy depending on his finish in Delaware” tonight."
What's the problem? Has the campaign trail been that tough on Calistra that she needs a new paint job already?
Well, there were concerns about corrosion from the rock salt during the New Hampshire primary, or so I was told
Newt, bubba, think 'consultant'. No, don't thank me.
Plans for asteroid mining emerge
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-178…
Callista was found consoling herself with the Spring/Summer 2012 Tiffany catalog.
Who are they going to grift from to buy her whore diamonds and plastic surgeries now?
You misunderstand. The Tiffany catalog was rolled into a cylinder and…
*clunk!*
*anvil falls out of sky*
Does this mean the dead boy has been found?
On the plus side, losing to a Spineless Millionaire Haircut must really rankle that Power-Mad Egomaniacal Cheque-Kiting Food Addict.
Are we going to have the same issue with Newt that we have had with fuckin' Sarah FOREVER??? Go the fuck away Newt. You lost.
Newt never once declared himself "Emperor" Wonkette. You are all retarted.
Who refarted?
Oh, he can't quit now. A walk-back, from ABC:
If Gingrich does poorly in Delaware, his campaign spokesman R.C. Hammond told Yahoo News, the former House speaker plans to "reassess with supporters" but won't immediately suspend his campaign.
In that scenario, "Gingrich will keep his campaign schedule in North Carolina but reassess with supporters whether or not there is a path forward," Hammond said in an email.
If, however, Mitt Romney scores a "razor thin win" in Delaware, a "conservative coalition" could form around Gingrich, Hammond said.
And if Gingrich wins, the campaign will press forward, full speed ahead.
Once again, Nancy Pelosi called it. Unless Mitt names Gingrich his VP candidate, they win, and Gingrich has Rmoney whacked.
Pleeeeaaazzzzzeee, Delaware, vote for the Newt. If he slinks back into his hole, depriving us of his snarky sliminess, the next six months will be pure torture.
Don't quit now, Newt! You're so close!
He has never heard those words in real life.
I'm holding my breath in nervous anticipation until tomorrow, I can't imagine what the ultimate decision will be!
If you love Delaware so much, why don't you marry it?
Your mom goes to Deleware.
Newt' solemnly promised us he'd be in Tampa for better or worse. But then his campaign got sick, boring and unattractive.
will “reassess his candidacy", sure, like he hasn't been reassessing his candidacy since 2008?
Remind me… how many millions of dollars did that rich a-hole and his family flush down the toilet trying to get Newt elected?
At least they stimulated the economy a little. Which I guess helps Obama more than the Republicans.
Tee hee.
…did not know there were Windmills in Delaware.
America needs to sue his ass, re: broken Contract with…
Hi Sweetie, good to see you. I've been thinking about you and hope you are okay.
Yes, an eye exfoliant would come in very handy!
I like those little olives where, instead of a pimento in the middle, they have a sliver of almond.
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