TODAY IN CONGRESS  4:45 pm April 24, 2012

Steny Hoyer Picks Hopeless Nerd Slapfight With John Boehner

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Nate Silver has competition!

Just look at overgrown leather briefcase John Boehner making a shameful display of his mathematical prowess during a Fox News interview like he doesn’t even know that the viewers at home are going red and puffy in the face trying to follow along with a simple calculation of odds: “I would say that there is a two-in-three chance that we [the Republicans] win control of the House again but there’s a 1-in-3 chance that we could lose.” Good job, professor! But …wait, no, hang on, Steny Hoyer must needs make note of some errors in the department head’s equations here, since this is his salaried job, to check John Boehner’s math.

Oh yes, it seems that John Boehner forgot to carry the infinity give or take in his calculation of how much the Republican House members suck. Correct him in a nasal voice, Steny:

“I think there’s a higher chance than one-in-three,” Hoyer said during his weekly press briefing in the Capitol. “At best, from his perspective, it’s 50-50.”

That is one route of critique. Debbie Wasserman Schultz has another, as a contribution to this academic debate, which is merely to ridicule John Boehner for publicly admitting to doing math, like a weakling.

“How rare is it for a Speaker to suggest — I can tell you that [former Speaker] Nancy Pelosi [(D-Calif.)] would never have suggested there was a possibility we would lose,” Wasserman Schultz said.

Shut up, all of you.

Is anyone in Congress doing any actual work whatsoever? Oh look, the Senate Commerce Committee held a hearing today. What was that about?

“Year-in, year-out consumers face rate increases for pay TV that are rising faster than inflation,” said Rockefeller at a hearing on how online video platforms are affecting the price of television. “We are paying for so many channels, though we only watch a few.”

Oh good. Nice to see Homer Simpson’s petitions to Congress finally got through. [The Hill]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 80 comments }

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I'm pretty sure those voting machines run the same program as a Vegas slot machine, so somebody should know the actual odds.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 5:06 pm

"Say, why did my vote come up two Obamas and a cherry?"

Callyson April 24, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Senator McCain, is that you?

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I have to agree with Senator Rockefeller.

MissTaken April 24, 2012 at 4:52 pm

“We are paying for so many channels, though we only watch a few.”

Um, Fox News, ESPN, and whatever channel American Voice/Idol/Dancing/X Factor is on?

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Hey!

Some of us need those exercise informercials! Porn ain't free, ya know!

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 24, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Try Animal Planet.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 5:13 pm

That's for company.

GOPCrusher April 24, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I don't understand the thought behind the G4 Channel. Especially Tosh.0. People keep telling me how funny it is, but I can get the same thing from randomly surfing YouTube without the inane speaking.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 24, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Shine on, you crazy diamonds.

I have a compromise: Both Steny and Boehner jump in the Potomac. The one who stays underwater longest, wins. Loser has to resign from Congress.
~

ManchuCandidate April 24, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Just remember Orange Julius Boner, there is no crying in math.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 24, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Went from the station, to Orange Julius,
I brought a hot dog from who? George Drakoulias.
~

Doktor StrangeZoom April 24, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I'd say there's a 3 in 5 chance that he pulled that estimate out of his ass.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I hope Eric Cantor didn't get a paper cut on his nose when he did.

Radiotherapy April 24, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Barb, you never struck me as an anti-semite.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I'm anti-asshole. I love my Jewish friends. They give the BEST Christmas gifts.

Boojum April 24, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Pulled it out of his ass, squeezing it past Cantor's nose, which is up his ass.

Tundra Grifter April 24, 2012 at 5:52 pm

"ROMA Data."

Reginald_Perrin April 24, 2012 at 4:54 pm

…. and there's 1-in-1 chance that John Boehner is a turd.

elviouslyqueer April 24, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Our tax dollars at work. *thumps chest with pride*

Negropolis April 25, 2012 at 4:27 am

USA! USA!

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I say 1-7 that the republicans will have a 50-50 chance at a 9-6 shot.

Designer_Rants April 24, 2012 at 4:55 pm

"NEEEERRRRDS!" ~Ogre

redarmyzombie April 24, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Strangely, all I've heard thus far is one long, drawn out toilet flush…

OneYieldRegular April 24, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I don't even have a TV, so I get nothing.

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I don't pay for teevee. HD digital broadcast is awesome (and free).

For everything else, there's Netflix and/or your local public library's DVD collection.

Sharkey April 24, 2012 at 5:03 pm

But "we" "need" pay TV!!! We "need" it!

Jus_Wonderin April 24, 2012 at 5:25 pm

You are apparently NOT one of those poors that has everything. Get Directv and public assistance bud!

bagofmice April 24, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I'm more of an xbox/laptop guy myself. HDMI is rad.

Designer_Rants April 25, 2012 at 12:21 am

I found out after buying my house that I had free cable (unblocked). I built a computer that encodes the signal so I can haz DVR. Then Netflix fills in the gaps of my sedentary, hermit, spiteful life"style".

Agreed on HD broadcast being awesome. People that occasionally come to my hovel remark on how awesome my picture looks, and I know they should NOT be impressed since they pay a hundo a month on Dish/DirecTV and have the latest/greatest teevees…

coolhandnuke April 24, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Wasserman Schultz could whip Boehner in tether ball.

edgydrifter April 24, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Borange can keep the damned House as long as I can finally have a la carte cable pricing. Yes, I know I am part of the problem.

Designer_Rants April 24, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Hustler Channel or GTFO!

Jus_Wonderin April 24, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I bet if we were all job creators we could have a la carte cable in a snap!

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I only watch one channel. You see I gave the cable guy a Franklin to get me the Spice Channel, which I find easy to masterbate to, for free.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Can you bring your box over to Eve's party later tonight? Free gin, free condoms! Be a shame to let those condoms go to waste

emmelemm April 24, 2012 at 5:39 pm

"your box"

heh heh

EatsBabyDingos April 24, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Congress is a Meckel's divirticulum: an ulcerous sack, usually full of of poop, that grows on the intestines and causes painless rectal bleeding.

bflrtsplk April 24, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I am curious to know which channels this particular Sen. Rockerfeller watches.

UnholyMoses April 24, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Well, I'd say there's pretty much a 100% chance that they are both fucknuggets not worth two seconds of my time.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 4:58 pm

The Cable TV Is Too Damn High Party

Needs work

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Who cares what the GOP odds are. What's Done Talking going to leave at the gate in the derby?

Extemporanus April 24, 2012 at 4:59 pm

How many fifths are there in John Boehner?

Barb April 24, 2012 at 5:05 pm

If blah folks are 3/5ths, then orange folks are divided into sections. I'll go with 2/5ths.

Designer_Rants April 24, 2012 at 5:15 pm

One before noon.

UnholyMoses April 24, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Well, probably one of Maker's Mark, another of Bombay, still another of Stoli …

gullywompr April 24, 2012 at 5:44 pm

You, sir, are a steely-eyed missile man. Win.

horsedreamer_1 April 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

All of them, Katie. Any that's put in front of him.

Negropolis April 25, 2012 at 4:30 am

WIN

Let's see…a fifth of vodka, a fifth of gin, a fifth of bourbon, a fifth of….

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I'd say there's a one in two chance that we'll get buttfucked after November and a one in two chance that we get skullfucked.

Takers?

gullywompr April 24, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I already have.

Biff April 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm
OneDollarJuana April 24, 2012 at 5:07 pm

You know, the last time this happened the Japanese stopped taking our beef in case it was tainted. And just to further the grudge, they are sending nuclear waste in the Japanese current to our West Coast. This new case of BSE is only going to irritate them further.

Sharkey April 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Wouldn't it be easier to say there's a
33.3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333% chance?

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Mr Spock! You and your "precision"….

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Needs more 3's.

Sharkey April 24, 2012 at 5:19 pm

There were. Stupid wonkett bitch cut me off.

bagofmice April 24, 2012 at 5:38 pm

You mean 0.‾3? Because fractions are segments of one. A percentage is a segment of 100.

Radiotherapy April 24, 2012 at 5:01 pm

As long as the job creators get to keep their piece of the π.

Smitros April 24, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Any tots get mashed?

mavenmaven April 24, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Remember, any statistical calculation from the Right must assume a baseline 135% voting population.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 24, 2012 at 5:07 pm

But we can all agree giving more tax breaks to the rich will solve everything, right? Then who needs math?

Mumbletypeg April 24, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Percentage à l'Orange. You'd think Boehner'd work harder to ensure the odds were in his flavor.

SayItWithWookies April 24, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I'd go with Boehner's numbers, since they're magical. That guy's got numbers that'll cut taxes, increase military spending and reduce the deficit. With numbers like that, how can you go wrong?

Boojum April 24, 2012 at 5:23 pm

All I know is that 86.7% of all statistics cited on the Internet are made up on the spot.

Jus_Wonderin April 24, 2012 at 5:45 pm

But, I really am an astronaut.

Tundra Grifter April 24, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Still funny – after all these years.

plinthic April 24, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Five out of four pie charts shown on Fox News don't add up to 100%

gullywompr April 24, 2012 at 5:47 pm

This War On Odds is purely a political stunt.

Come here a minute April 24, 2012 at 6:52 pm

I only want to pay for the channels that show my soaps.

Beanball April 24, 2012 at 7:38 pm

So I bought a .44 magnum, it was solid steel cast
And in the blessed name of Elvis well I just let it blast
'Til my TV lay in pieces there at my feet
And they busted me for disturbin' the almighty peace
Judge said "What you got in your defense son?"
"Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on"
~ Da Bruce

PubOption April 24, 2012 at 8:00 pm

TV prices must be bad if a Rockefeller is complaining.

TheGyrus April 24, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Nancy Pelosi [(D-Calif.)] would never have suggested there was a possibility we would lose

Maybe if she had, the Democrats might have been inspired to come up with, I don't know, some sort of strategy for not getting blown-out last election?

BZ1 April 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

redistricting, a nicer name for gerrymandering, a nicer name for stealing elections …

clblabin April 24, 2012 at 9:50 pm

“How rare is it for a Speaker to suggest — I can tell you that [former Speaker] Nancy Pelosi [(D-Calif.)] would never have suggested there was a possibility we would lose,” Wasserman Schultz said.

Don't leave us hanging, Debs! Tell us more victory secrets from Nancy Pelosi.

rocktonsam April 24, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I propose a shirts and skins smack down between the republicans and the democrats

pinkocommi April 25, 2012 at 1:23 am

"Oh good. Nice to see Homer Simpson’s petitions to Congress finally got through."

Donuts for everyone!

Negropolis April 25, 2012 at 4:26 am

How good are you all at dumbing yourselves down? 'Cause when the time of Idiocracy comes around, Snarky-Americans will be the first casualties.

ttommyunger April 25, 2012 at 7:11 am

What he said is wrong. FIXED!

DahBoner April 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Rule of thumb: If a Republican said it, it's wrong…

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