today in congress

Steny Hoyer Picks Hopeless Nerd Slapfight With John Boehner

Nate Silver has competition!

Just look at overgrown leather briefcase John Boehner making a shameful display of his mathematical prowess during a Fox News interview like he doesn’t even know that the viewers at home are going red and puffy in the face trying to follow along with a simple calculation of odds: “I would say that there is a two-in-three chance that we [the Republicans] win control of the House again but there’s a 1-in-3 chance that we could lose.” Good job, professor! But …wait, no, hang on, Steny Hoyer must needs make note of some errors in the department head’s equations here, since this is his salaried job, to check John Boehner’s math.

Oh yes, it seems that John Boehner forgot to carry the infinity give or take in his calculation of how much the Republican House members suck. Correct him in a nasal voice, Steny:

“I think there’s a higher chance than one-in-three,” Hoyer said during his weekly press briefing in the Capitol. “At best, from his perspective, it’s 50-50.”

That is one route of critique. Debbie Wasserman Schultz has another, as a contribution to this academic debate, which is merely to ridicule John Boehner for publicly admitting to doing math, like a weakling.

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“How rare is it for a Speaker to suggest — I can tell you that [former Speaker] Nancy Pelosi [(D-Calif.)] would never have suggested there was a possibility we would lose,” Wasserman Schultz said.

Shut up, all of you.

Is anyone in Congress doing any actual work whatsoever? Oh look, the Senate Commerce Committee held a hearing today. What was that about?

“Year-in, year-out consumers face rate increases for pay TV that are rising faster than inflation,” said Rockefeller at a hearing on how online video platforms are affecting the price of television. “We are paying for so many channels, though we only watch a few.”

Oh good. Nice to see Homer Simpson’s petitions to Congress finally got through. [The Hill]

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80 comments

  1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm pretty sure those voting machines run the same program as a Vegas slot machine, so somebody should know the actual odds.

  2. MissTaken

    “We are paying for so many channels, though we only watch a few.”

    Um, Fox News, ESPN, and whatever channel American Voice/Idol/Dancing/X Factor is on?

    1. GOPCrusher

      I don't understand the thought behind the G4 Channel. Especially Tosh.0. People keep telling me how funny it is, but I can get the same thing from randomly surfing YouTube without the inane speaking.

  3. Lascauxcaveman

    I don't pay for teevee. HD digital broadcast is awesome (and free).

    For everything else, there's Netflix and/or your local public library's DVD collection.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      You are apparently NOT one of those poors that has everything. Get Directv and public assistance bud!

    2. Designer_Rants

      I found out after buying my house that I had free cable (unblocked). I built a computer that encodes the signal so I can haz DVR. Then Netflix fills in the gaps of my sedentary, hermit, spiteful life"style".

      Agreed on HD broadcast being awesome. People that occasionally come to my hovel remark on how awesome my picture looks, and I know they should NOT be impressed since they pay a hundo a month on Dish/DirecTV and have the latest/greatest teevees…

  4. edgydrifter

    Borange can keep the damned House as long as I can finally have a la carte cable pricing. Yes, I know I am part of the problem.

  5. Baconzgood

    I only watch one channel. You see I gave the cable guy a Franklin to get me the Spice Channel, which I find easy to masterbate to, for free.

  6. EatsBabyDingos

    Congress is a Meckel's divirticulum: an ulcerous sack, usually full of of poop, that grows on the intestines and causes painless rectal bleeding.

  7. UnholyMoses

    Well, I'd say there's pretty much a 100% chance that they are both fucknuggets not worth two seconds of my time.

  8. Baconzgood

    Who cares what the GOP odds are. What's Done Talking going to leave at the gate in the derby?

  9. actor212

    I'd say there's a one in two chance that we'll get buttfucked after November and a one in two chance that we get skullfucked.

    Takers?

    1. OneDollarJuana

      You know, the last time this happened the Japanese stopped taking our beef in case it was tainted. And just to further the grudge, they are sending nuclear waste in the Japanese current to our West Coast. This new case of BSE is only going to irritate them further.

    1. bagofmice

      You mean 0.‾3? Because fractions are segments of one. A percentage is a segment of 100.

  10. mavenmaven

    Remember, any statistical calculation from the Right must assume a baseline 135% voting population.

  11. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But we can all agree giving more tax breaks to the rich will solve everything, right? Then who needs math?

  12. SayItWithWookies

    I'd go with Boehner's numbers, since they're magical. That guy's got numbers that'll cut taxes, increase military spending and reduce the deficit. With numbers like that, how can you go wrong?

  13. Beanball

    So I bought a .44 magnum, it was solid steel cast
    And in the blessed name of Elvis well I just let it blast
    'Til my TV lay in pieces there at my feet
    And they busted me for disturbin' the almighty peace
    Judge said "What you got in your defense son?"
    "Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on"
    ~ Da Bruce

  14. TheGyrus

    Nancy Pelosi [(D-Calif.)] would never have suggested there was a possibility we would lose

    Maybe if she had, the Democrats might have been inspired to come up with, I don't know, some sort of strategy for not getting blown-out last election?

  15. clblabin

    “How rare is it for a Speaker to suggest — I can tell you that [former Speaker] Nancy Pelosi [(D-Calif.)] would never have suggested there was a possibility we would lose,” Wasserman Schultz said.

    Don't leave us hanging, Debs! Tell us more victory secrets from Nancy Pelosi.

  16. pinkocommi

    "Oh good. Nice to see Homer Simpson’s petitions to Congress finally got through."

    Donuts for everyone!

  17. Negropolis

    How good are you all at dumbing yourselves down? 'Cause when the time of Idiocracy comes around, Snarky-Americans will be the first casualties.

Comments are closed.