today in congress

Steny Hoyer Picks Hopeless Nerd Slapfight With John Boehner

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Nate Silver has competition!

Just look at overgrown leather briefcase John Boehner making a shameful display of his mathematical prowess during a Fox News interview like he doesn’t even know that the viewers at home are going red and puffy in the face trying to follow along with a simple calculation of odds: “I would say that there is a two-in-three chance that we [the Republicans] win control of the House again but there’s a 1-in-3 chance that we could lose.” Good job, professor! But …wait, no, hang on, Steny Hoyer must needs make note of some errors in the department head’s equations here, since this is his salaried job, to check John Boehner’s math.

Oh yes, it seems that John Boehner forgot to carry the infinity give or take in his calculation of how much the Republican House members suck. Correct him in a nasal voice, Steny:

“I think there’s a higher chance than one-in-three,” Hoyer said during his weekly press briefing in the Capitol. “At best, from his perspective, it’s 50-50.”

That is one route of critique. Debbie Wasserman Schultz has another, as a contribution to this academic debate, which is merely to ridicule John Boehner for publicly admitting to doing math, like a weakling.

“How rare is it for a Speaker to suggest — I can tell you that [former Speaker] Nancy Pelosi [(D-Calif.)] would never have suggested there was a possibility we would lose,” Wasserman Schultz said.

Shut up, all of you.

Is anyone in Congress doing any actual work whatsoever? Oh look, the Senate Commerce Committee held a hearing today. What was that about?

“Year-in, year-out consumers face rate increases for pay TV that are rising faster than inflation,” said Rockefeller at a hearing on how online video platforms are affecting the price of television. “We are paying for so many channels, though we only watch a few.”

Oh good. Nice to see Homer Simpson’s petitions to Congress finally got through. [The Hill]

Sponsored Intermission

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm pretty sure those voting machines run the same program as a Vegas slot machine, so somebody should know the actual odds.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "Say, why did my vote come up two Obamas and a cherry?"

      • Callyson

        Senator McCain, is that you?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I have to agree with Senator Rockefeller.

  • MissTaken

    “We are paying for so many channels, though we only watch a few.”

    Um, Fox News, ESPN, and whatever channel American Voice/Idol/Dancing/X Factor is on?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Hey!

      Some of us need those exercise informercials! Porn ain't free, ya know!

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Try Animal Planet.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          That's for company.

    • GOPCrusher

      I don't understand the thought behind the G4 Channel. Especially Tosh.0. People keep telling me how funny it is, but I can get the same thing from randomly surfing YouTube without the inane speaking.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Shine on, you crazy diamonds.

    I have a compromise: Both Steny and Boehner jump in the Potomac. The one who stays underwater longest, wins. Loser has to resign from Congress.
    ~

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Just remember Orange Julius Boner, there is no crying in math.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    I'd say there's a 3 in 5 chance that he pulled that estimate out of his ass.

    • Barb

      I hope Eric Cantor didn't get a paper cut on his nose when he did.

      • Radiotherapy

        Barb, you never struck me as an anti-semite.

        • Barb

          I'm anti-asshole. I love my Jewish friends. They give the BEST Christmas gifts.

        • Boojum

          Pulled it out of his ass, squeezing it past Cantor's nose, which is up his ass.

    • Tundra Grifter

      "ROMA Data."

  • Reginald_Perrin

    …. and there's 1-in-1 chance that John Boehner is a turd.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Our tax dollars at work. *thumps chest with pride*

    • Negropolis

      USA! USA!

  • Baconzgood

    I say 1-7 that the republicans will have a 50-50 chance at a 9-6 shot.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    "NEEEERRRRDS!" ~Ogre

  • redarmyzombie

    Strangely, all I've heard thus far is one long, drawn out toilet flush…

  • OneYieldRegular

    I don't even have a TV, so I get nothing.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I don't pay for teevee. HD digital broadcast is awesome (and free).

    For everything else, there's Netflix and/or your local public library's DVD collection.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      But "we" "need" pay TV!!! We "need" it!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      You are apparently NOT one of those poors that has everything. Get Directv and public assistance bud!

    • bagofmice

      I'm more of an xbox/laptop guy myself. HDMI is rad.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      I found out after buying my house that I had free cable (unblocked). I built a computer that encodes the signal so I can haz DVR. Then Netflix fills in the gaps of my sedentary, hermit, spiteful life"style".

      Agreed on HD broadcast being awesome. People that occasionally come to my hovel remark on how awesome my picture looks, and I know they should NOT be impressed since they pay a hundo a month on Dish/DirecTV and have the latest/greatest teevees…

  • coolhandnuke

    Wasserman Schultz could whip Boehner in tether ball.

  • edgydrifter

    Borange can keep the damned House as long as I can finally have a la carte cable pricing. Yes, I know I am part of the problem.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Hustler Channel or GTFO!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I bet if we were all job creators we could have a la carte cable in a snap!

  • Baconzgood

    I only watch one channel. You see I gave the cable guy a Franklin to get me the Spice Channel, which I find easy to masterbate to, for free.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Can you bring your box over to Eve's party later tonight? Free gin, free condoms! Be a shame to let those condoms go to waste

      • emmelemm

        "your box"

        heh heh

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Congress is a Meckel's divirticulum: an ulcerous sack, usually full of of poop, that grows on the intestines and causes painless rectal bleeding.

  • bflrtsplk

    I am curious to know which channels this particular Sen. Rockerfeller watches.

  • UnholyMoses

    Well, I'd say there's pretty much a 100% chance that they are both fucknuggets not worth two seconds of my time.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    The Cable TV Is Too Damn High Party

    Needs work

  • Baconzgood

    Who cares what the GOP odds are. What's Done Talking going to leave at the gate in the derby?

  • Extemporanus

    How many fifths are there in John Boehner?

    • Barb

      If blah folks are 3/5ths, then orange folks are divided into sections. I'll go with 2/5ths.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      One before noon.

    • UnholyMoses

      Well, probably one of Maker's Mark, another of Bombay, still another of Stoli …

    • gullywompr

      You, sir, are a steely-eyed missile man. Win.

    • horsedreamer_1

      All of them, Katie. Any that's put in front of him.

    • Negropolis

      WIN

      Let's see…a fifth of vodka, a fifth of gin, a fifth of bourbon, a fifth of….

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'd say there's a one in two chance that we'll get buttfucked after November and a one in two chance that we get skullfucked.

    Takers?

    • gullywompr

      I already have.

  • Biff
    • OneDollarJuana

      You know, the last time this happened the Japanese stopped taking our beef in case it was tainted. And just to further the grudge, they are sending nuclear waste in the Japanese current to our West Coast. This new case of BSE is only going to irritate them further.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Wouldn't it be easier to say there's a
    33.3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333% chance?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Mr Spock! You and your "precision"….

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Needs more 3's.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        There were. Stupid wonkett bitch cut me off.

    • bagofmice

      You mean 0.‾3? Because fractions are segments of one. A percentage is a segment of 100.

  • Radiotherapy

    As long as the job creators get to keep their piece of the π.

  • http://jdsmithwriter.blogspot.com Smitros

    Any tots get mashed?

  • mavenmaven

    Remember, any statistical calculation from the Right must assume a baseline 135% voting population.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But we can all agree giving more tax breaks to the rich will solve everything, right? Then who needs math?

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Percentage à l'Orange. You'd think Boehner'd work harder to ensure the odds were in his flavor.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I'd go with Boehner's numbers, since they're magical. That guy's got numbers that'll cut taxes, increase military spending and reduce the deficit. With numbers like that, how can you go wrong?

  • Boojum

    All I know is that 86.7% of all statistics cited on the Internet are made up on the spot.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      But, I really am an astronaut.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Still funny – after all these years.

  • plinthic

    Five out of four pie charts shown on Fox News don't add up to 100%

  • gullywompr

    This War On Odds is purely a political stunt.

  • Come here a minute

    I only want to pay for the channels that show my soaps.

  • Beanball

    So I bought a .44 magnum, it was solid steel cast
    And in the blessed name of Elvis well I just let it blast
    'Til my TV lay in pieces there at my feet
    And they busted me for disturbin' the almighty peace
    Judge said "What you got in your defense son?"
    "Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on"
    ~ Da Bruce

  • PubOption

    TV prices must be bad if a Rockefeller is complaining.

  • TheGyrus

    Nancy Pelosi [(D-Calif.)] would never have suggested there was a possibility we would lose

    Maybe if she had, the Democrats might have been inspired to come up with, I don't know, some sort of strategy for not getting blown-out last election?

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    redistricting, a nicer name for gerrymandering, a nicer name for stealing elections …

  • clblabin

    “How rare is it for a Speaker to suggest — I can tell you that [former Speaker] Nancy Pelosi [(D-Calif.)] would never have suggested there was a possibility we would lose,” Wasserman Schultz said.

    Don't leave us hanging, Debs! Tell us more victory secrets from Nancy Pelosi.

  • rocktonsam

    I propose a shirts and skins smack down between the republicans and the democrats

  • pinkocommi

    "Oh good. Nice to see Homer Simpson’s petitions to Congress finally got through."

    Donuts for everyone!

  • Negropolis

    How good are you all at dumbing yourselves down? 'Cause when the time of Idiocracy comes around, Snarky-Americans will be the first casualties.

  • ttommyunger

    What he said is wrong. FIXED!

  • DahBoner

    Rule of thumb: If a Republican said it, it's wrong…