we can still hate them though

Mexicans Getting The Hell Out Of Miserable United States

if the mexicans stop coming, does lou dobbs even exist?What was that question from the dumb Republican debates, about Mexicans… oh yes: How do you “turn off the magnet” that brings all those Mexitrons to the United States? Well, it appears we have our answer: make the United States really shitty. The Pew Hispanic Center has released a new report that shows “the net migration flow from Mexico to the United States has stopped—and may have reversed.” If so, it would be the first reversal since the Great Depression. Does this indicate that… something is wrong with the United States economy, now?

Indeed, the Mexicans are all scrambling to get out of the Greatest Fucking Country In The History Of The World now that there’s nothing desirable about it whatsoever. We should congratulate the politicians for finally getting past their partisan rhetoric on this issue and solving the problem by systematically destroying the nation.

A modest chunk of the reversal — between 5 and 35 percent, according to Pew’s crack team of narrow-downers — come from deportations. Massive deportations have been considered one of Barack Obama’s more cruel policy fetishes in his first term. But thanks to this Pew study, we know that it’s more like the administration has just been handing out free plane tickets to willing recipients. This Welfare President knows no end.

The standstill appears to be the result of many factors, including the weakened U.S. job and housing construction markets, heightened border enforcement, a rise in deportations, the growing dangers associated with illegal border crossings, the long-term decline in Mexico’s birth rates and changing economic conditions in Mexico.

Also too, idiots in Georgia.

[Pew]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Steverino247

    The economy is improving and the Mexicans are leaving. What is a GOP strategist to do?

    • Terry

      I have a few suggestions as to what they could do, but I'm afraid most are anatomically difficult.

    • freakishlywrong

      Tits of STFU. Or just STFU.

    • Baconzgood

      Scream abortion louder?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Homosexual agenda!!!!!!!1!!!1!

    • Fare la Volpe

      I hear there's some wimminz and blahs what needs oppressin'.

    • PubOption

      Point to the success of their voluntary deportation program.

    • Callyson

      Root for a collapse in the Eurozone?

      Pray for a resurgent al – Qaeda?

      Nah, they'll go with the classic culture wars…yet again…

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Get Monica Lewinsky into the WH internship program?

    • GeneralLerong

      Lower the minimum wage to $1.50 and move industry to Georgia.

      Require graduates with student loans to repay to work in agricultural fields – literally. Those tomatoes aren't going to pick themselves.

  • IncenseDebate

    Lucky. I wish I had a country of origin I could return to.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Those Mexicans should build the danged fence already!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Maybe they'll get jobs down there and send money back up to us?

      • Geminisunmars

        At Walmart!

        • OneDollarJuana

          That's why they send money back to Mexico. It's to fund the bribes for Wally World.

  • Biff

    I've been contemplating a run for the border myself, and I'm not Messican.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Well, it appears we have our answer: make the United States really shitty.

    That was their answer to the Chinese labor standards as well. Make ours worse than theirs and the damned huddled masses over here will STFU about it.

    It's a race to the bottom and we're winning!!!!

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Yay! I never win anything!

      Oh, wait. Shit.

  • Barb

    Who will pick the grapes that make the wine that loosens us up to write vicious jokes about Mexicans, who pick the grapes?

    Someone, hold me please.

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      Prepare for an onslaught of holding offers from the pale commentariat, Barb.

    • JustPixelz

      Would imported tequila help?

      • Barb

        No, no, no, Pixelz. I don't drink tequila anymore. For some reason, it makes my mookie hurt.

        • Baconzgood

          Aaaaah the tequila makes you black out. It's what you're doing when blacked out that makes the mookie hurt.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Knock it off the with the holding. Those grapes don't pick themselves…

      /hands her basket and gloves/

      • Barb

        et tu, Manchu?

        • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

          We take no whine before its time.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Less talk, more picking. And when you're done there the hops for my beer need tending.

    • Kakkeltje

      Maybe they could build some kind of fence on the southern border to keep them in…

    • Fare la Volpe

      If you give a Mexican a job, he'll ask you for a cookie…

      Or something.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Don't drink the water while watching Loud Obbs, it'll give you the shits.

  • Beetagger

    Oh No! "A Day Without A Mexican" was a documentary!!!!!

  • FraAnima

    Adios, US. Pendejos.

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    Who's going to harvest and can our hobo beans now?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They prefer home-made flour tortillas to store-bought.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      The "tired and poor huddled masses yearning to breathe free" have figured out that we've got a corner on the poor huddled masses for our own unemployed, and our air is no longer free but costs $1.00 to pump up one fucking tire at the local Exxon station.

      Now if we can only get our own leaders to figure that out we may go somewhere other than the shit can.

    • Guppy

      And if they're going to get diabeetus, they'd rather do it with cane sugar than HFCS.

  • chicken_thief

    Thank the good Lawd for the likes of Gov. Jan "Big Cajones" Brewer!!!

    • Terry

      I thought her nickname was Cajones Shriveller

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Ol' Wrinkletitties herself personally drove them away.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I guess Canada City will be the new US America and US America the new Messiko.

    Better get used to eating Poutine, drinking Cinquante (50) ale and saying eh and aboot and hearing fat white self righteous Canada City people bitching about "Those lousy illegal Yanks are stealing our healthcare, eh. What's that all aboot?"

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I don't know if we're ready for all that "Anne of Green Gables" and "I Heard the Mermaids Singing" stuff.
      (Not to mention Anne Murray and Gordon Lightfoot.)

      • SayItWithWookies

        Don't blame TS Eliot on Canada — he was a genuine American from St. Louis, which he tried so hard to live down that he became British. It was only after he became a Christian, though, that his writing started turning into warm pap.

        • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

          No worries, Wooks.
          I lived in Toronto 20 years ago, and they went on and on, (and on and on), about the movie "I've Heard the Mermaids Singing" as if films were invented in Canada!

    • Biff
  • Redhead

    I can see the Fox News headline now: "Free Can Cun vacations – just for having brown skin? The exclusive on Obama's latest, racist entitlement plan, next!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If all the Mexicans go home, who's going to make all that delicious Chinese and Thai food in the restaurants here in Texas?!?

    • Baconzgood

      Chinese and Thai food in the restaurants here in every where

      FIXED

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      The Guatamelans.

      • DaRooster

        At least until December 21st…

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Do they also make all the sushi there, (with the obligatory Japanese "front man")?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'll believe there's a problem when insane, unhelmeted, unlighted bicycle delivery men in black jackets and pants stop swerving in front of me on rainy nights in NYC.

  • SteveMcCroskey

    Now we can tackle the insidious threat of illegal Canadian immigrants. I'm looking at you, Paul Anka.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I know, lets carjack Alex Trebeck's pick up truck; let him know he just ain't welcome heayah.

  • prommie

    Does Ireland have a "right of return?"

    • Respitetini

      Even if they do, they're on a strict BYOJ (bring your own job) policy, seeing as there are none to be had there.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        First it was the potatoes, now it's the jobs. What, exactly, is this "Luck of the Irish" I keep hearing about?

    • Isyaignert

      I believe it does if your parents or grandparents are Irish citizens.

  • Sir_Fartz_Alot

    we should all run away to pursue the messican dream. i hear their streets are paved with tacos.

    • chicken_thief

      Yes, but they all belong to someone's seester.

      • Sir_Fartz_Alot

        steenky fish tacos. muy bueno!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Ju wan some, she been a birjen twel' time!

  • freakishlywrong

    Holy fuck, looks like we'll be picking our own hobo beans.

  • Baconzgood

    USM USM USM USM USM!

    • Guppy

      "EE UU MM" I think.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, that's not a reverse migration — it's mostly just Republican candidates for office getting the help out of sight until after the election.

  • mavenmaven

    Soon folks from Nevada and Arizona will travel south to make a little money cleaning the more affluent Mexicans' homes…

    • Blueb4sunrise

      I've considered it. Have you seen the novellas? Mexico is nothing but mansions and MILFs.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        And hot high school teenagers who angst over their boyfriends, then sleep with their friends' fathers.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I had no idea what I was missing by not owning a teevee.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "… folks from Nevada and Arizona will travel south to make a little money …"
      I bet they'll be pissed when they find out there's a danged fence in the way.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Well this ices it that Mittens won't be pickin' Marco Rubio or Susana Martinez, since there won't be enough Latinas or Latinos left to matter.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Will they take me with them? Please?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I got an idea. It's sort of like the B-Ark…we tell Rush and Beck and all of them that Mexico has a thriving but toddling neo-con audience, see, and….

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      You can earn many ameros being a reverse drug mule. APPLY TODAY (must provide own condoms)

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    I hear Mexico's very nice this time of year.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    All the good jobs today are with the Mexican drug cartels. There's room to move as a drug mule!!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    All those poor returning Messicans. Don't they know they're all just going to get kidnapped when they get there?

  • JustPixelz

    Now if only we can apply the same pressures on the WASPs.

    Can I still watch Univision?

    Wait — the economy in Mexico has jerbz? I've a got a border to sneak across.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    If your country sucks SO MUCH, you have trouble keeping the Messicans in, you might be a redneck.

  • DaRooster

    But wait? You don't want to be treated like shit, paid like shit with a chance of being jailed around every corner? What's wrong with you people?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Hey, Mr. President – stop handing out favors to illegals. Oh, and can I get free tickets to Cancun?

    • EatsBabyDingos

      What do canned Negros eat? Can 'coon. There's your free Cancun.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    To ease my transition to Messamerica, I have implanted a tortilla chip in my brain.

    • Guppy

      Your head injury from the Frito Lay plant explosion acting up again?

  • Baconzgood

    Shreaded Pork Burrito, I wish I would have spent more time with you. I need a moment…I've got somthing in my eye…..*sniffles*

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Two words: Taco Bell

      Take your Fauxican food like a man.

      • Baconzgood

        My dog likes Taco Bell. No joke. He loves that crap. Of course I once saw him shit, eat it, vomit up the shit, then eat the vomit.

        • DaRooster

          So your dog cooks at Taco Bell?

  • TheGyrus

    They'll be back once global warming kicks in.

    • CommieLibunatic

      If anything, I've heard that slobs in the US will flee south thanks to fucked up ocean currents and cooling in the north.

  • edgydrifter

    This, after all we've done to them. Ingrates.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    If so, it would be the first reversal since the Great Depression.

    Go figure.

    USA! USA! USA!
    ~

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    PEW!

    PEW PEW!

    (that's a Mexican "Federale" firing at the US border…"green cards? We don' need no steenkin' green cards!")

  • freakishlywrong

    They're "self deporting". Mittens wins.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Pretty soon we wont even be able to afford their drugs.

  • chicken_thief

    This is great news for the Portman for Veep Campaign Committee!!!

  • Arken

    Oh please, everyone knows there are an infinite number of Mexicans, none of whom want to live in Mexico.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And a friction-free border, with no air resistance. (It's easier to understand teabagger theory if you make certain simplifications.)

      • Arken

        Also, building a fence will stop all illegal immigration forever.

  • chitrade

    I'll believe it when the Romneys move back.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Guess they prefer the flavor of amebic dysentery to fracked water.

    • anniegetyerfun

      It has a fuller, silkier mouthfeel.

  • WiscDad

    This is abso-fuckin-lutely hilarious

  • HippieEsq

    "and changing economic conditions in Mexico" = Walmart-driven Salary-Free Job BOOM.

  • StarsUponThars
  • Lascauxcaveman

    For messican-haters, this is at best a hollow victory. Just like for the environmentalists, noting a decrease in greenhouse gasses when everyone lost their job at the same time.

  • Baconzgood

    Duh……..Baconz none to bright today. Proceed.

    • Barb

      The day is going to get better, Baconz.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    No way. Mexico is a place where a bunch of crooked billionaires own 90% of everything, don't pay their taxes, and own all the politicians, plus there's almost no social mobility, and workers can't afford decent health care or college education for their kids. I'm sure they'd prefer to stay here, where …. ummm…. oh wait. Never mind.

  • ttommyunger

    You make a joke of it, but I believe it is part of the Grand Plan to equalize wages world-wide. Of course, an effort could have been made to raise the standard of living in less developed countries, but that would have been more expensive, labor cost-wise.

  • CommieLibunatic

    One of the scenarios I've heard about Global Warming involves the North Atlantic Conveyer current shutting down, leading to cooler weather and ultimately the ironic flight of Americans south to warmer climates in Mexico.

    I can only imagine the songs of acid ragebreath I will sing if that day comes (hint: It'll probably involve the word "fuck" repeated several times).

    • OneYieldRegular

      This is portrayed in the Roland Emmerich film The Day After Tomorrow which is generally godawful except for an exquisitely hilarious shot of thousands of Americans streaming in panic towards the border at Tijuana – only to be refused entry.

  • proudgrampa

    Who's gonna build your wall, boys?
    Who's gonna mow your lawn?
    Who's gonna cook your Mexican food
    When your Mexican maid is gone?
    Who's gonna wax the floors tonight
    Down at the local mall?
    Who's gonna wash your baby's face?
    Who's gonna build your wall?

    — Tom Russell

  • bravo_sierra

    The Mexican economy really is doing much better. In 25 years, the average Mexican woman has gone from having 6 kids to something like 2.7. The government had a campaign to "have fewer so you can give them more." Looks like it is working. But also yes, we're a bunch of assholes who are too busy being xenophobic to notice these policies might not be too good for us in the long run.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Oh great, now Brewer and the rest of the nut cases will be saying their Medieval laws are working, keeping the Great Menace from dipping their toes in the Great Moat of Protection Against Low Cost Brown Labor that surrounds Arizona.

    Why not just annex Mexico and turn it into a feudal state for your own personal use, Jan, so you'll have someone to paint your toenails while you come up with more ways to sell off the state house and make a buck for yourself?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Oh, noes! Who will Peggy Noonan see outside, on the street, if all the Mexicans are gone?

  • not that Dewey

    "Unconquista" is the new "Reconquista"

  • crybabyboehner

    I blame the War on Drugs.

  • NYNYNYjr

    Maybe we should build a wall, to make it harder for them to escape.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    It's like that episode of I Love Lucy, when Lucy makes a ruckus in her apartment so that the Mertzes will move out. Waaaaaaaaah, Riiiickeeeee [Perry / Santorum]!!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    and if all the Mexicanos left at once, wouldn't the place just shut down?

  • misanthrope

    Dammit now I will have to travel abroad to get my fill of uncut cock.

  • WonkCynic

    Yeah! Go back to Spain where you come from! Oh…wait…they are "Latin"os. Go back to Rome? Latin? Huh? They look like Aztecs to me. What about them is Latin?

  • DahBoner

    Let's see, how does the joke in El Paso go?

    New Mexico???

    We don't need any new Mexicans, we've already got plenty of old Mexicans…