WE CAN STILL HATE THEM THOUGH  11:31 am April 24, 2012

Mexicans Getting The Hell Out Of Miserable United States

by Jim Newell

if the mexicans stop coming, does lou dobbs even exist?What was that question from the dumb Republican debates, about Mexicans… oh yes: How do you “turn off the magnet” that brings all those Mexitrons to the United States? Well, it appears we have our answer: make the United States really shitty. The Pew Hispanic Center has released a new report that shows “the net migration flow from Mexico to the United States has stopped—and may have reversed.” If so, it would be the first reversal since the Great Depression. Does this indicate that… something is wrong with the United States economy, now?

Indeed, the Mexicans are all scrambling to get out of the Greatest Fucking Country In The History Of The World now that there’s nothing desirable about it whatsoever. We should congratulate the politicians for finally getting past their partisan rhetoric on this issue and solving the problem by systematically destroying the nation.

A modest chunk of the reversal — between 5 and 35 percent, according to Pew’s crack team of narrow-downers — come from deportations. Massive deportations have been considered one of Barack Obama’s more cruel policy fetishes in his first term. But thanks to this Pew study, we know that it’s more like the administration has just been handing out free plane tickets to willing recipients. This Welfare President knows no end.

The standstill appears to be the result of many factors, including the weakened U.S. job and housing construction markets, heightened border enforcement, a rise in deportations, the growing dangers associated with illegal border crossings, the long-term decline in Mexico’s birth rates and changing economic conditions in Mexico.

Also too, idiots in Georgia.

[Pew]

 

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{ 124 comments }

Steverino247 April 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

The economy is improving and the Mexicans are leaving. What is a GOP strategist to do?

Terry April 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

I have a few suggestions as to what they could do, but I'm afraid most are anatomically difficult.

freakishlywrong April 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

Tits of STFU. Or just STFU.

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 11:56 am

Scream abortion louder?

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Homosexual agenda!!!!!!!1!!!1!

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I hear there's some wimminz and blahs what needs oppressin'.

PubOption April 24, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Point to the success of their voluntary deportation program.

Callyson April 24, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Root for a collapse in the Eurozone?

Pray for a resurgent al – Qaeda?

Nah, they'll go with the classic culture wars…yet again…

imissopus April 24, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Get Monica Lewinsky into the WH internship program?

GeneralLerong April 24, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Lower the minimum wage to $1.50 and move industry to Georgia.

Require graduates with student loans to repay to work in agricultural fields – literally. Those tomatoes aren't going to pick themselves.

IncenseDebate April 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

Lucky. I wish I had a country of origin I could return to.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

Those Mexicans should build the danged fence already!

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

Maybe they'll get jobs down there and send money back up to us?

Geminisunmars April 24, 2012 at 12:35 pm

At Walmart!

OneDollarJuana April 24, 2012 at 12:45 pm

That's why they send money back to Mexico. It's to fund the bribes for Wally World.

Biff April 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

I've been contemplating a run for the border myself, and I'm not Messican.

Joshua Norton April 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

Well, it appears we have our answer: make the United States really shitty.

That was their answer to the Chinese labor standards as well. Make ours worse than theirs and the damned huddled masses over here will STFU about it.

It's a race to the bottom and we're winning!!!!

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

Yay! I never win anything!

Oh, wait. Shit.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

Who will pick the grapes that make the wine that loosens us up to write vicious jokes about Mexicans, who pick the grapes?

Someone, hold me please.

GuyClinch April 24, 2012 at 11:39 am

Prepare for an onslaught of holding offers from the pale commentariat, Barb.

JustPixelz April 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

Would imported tequila help?

Barb April 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

No, no, no, Pixelz. I don't drink tequila anymore. For some reason, it makes my mookie hurt.

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

Aaaaah the tequila makes you black out. It's what you're doing when blacked out that makes the mookie hurt.

ManchuCandidate April 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

Knock it off the with the holding. Those grapes don't pick themselves…

/hands her basket and gloves/

Barb April 24, 2012 at 11:46 am

et tu, Manchu?

ManchuCandidate April 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

We take no whine before its time.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 11:50 am

Less talk, more picking. And when you're done there the hops for my beer need tending.

Kakkeltje April 24, 2012 at 11:58 am

Maybe they could build some kind of fence on the southern border to keep them in…

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 12:10 pm

If you give a Mexican a job, he'll ask you for a cookie…

Or something.

Blueb4sunrise April 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

Don't drink the water while watching Loud Obbs, it'll give you the shits.

Beetagger April 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

Oh No! "A Day Without A Mexican" was a documentary!!!!!

FraAnima April 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

Adios, US. Pendejos.

GuyClinch April 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

Who's going to harvest and can our hobo beans now?

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

They prefer home-made flour tortillas to store-bought.

Dudleydidwrong April 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

The "tired and poor huddled masses yearning to breathe free" have figured out that we've got a corner on the poor huddled masses for our own unemployed, and our air is no longer free but costs $1.00 to pump up one fucking tire at the local Exxon station.

Now if we can only get our own leaders to figure that out we may go somewhere other than the shit can.

Guppy April 24, 2012 at 12:50 pm

And if they're going to get diabeetus, they'd rather do it with cane sugar than HFCS.

chicken_thief April 24, 2012 at 11:38 am

Thank the good Lawd for the likes of Gov. Jan "Big Cajones" Brewer!!!

Terry April 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

I thought her nickname was Cajones Shriveller

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 11:54 am

Ol' Wrinkletitties herself personally drove them away.

ManchuCandidate April 24, 2012 at 11:40 am

I guess Canada City will be the new US America and US America the new Messiko.

Better get used to eating Poutine, drinking Cinquante (50) ale and saying eh and aboot and hearing fat white self righteous Canada City people bitching about "Those lousy illegal Yanks are stealing our healthcare, eh. What's that all aboot?"

DemmeFatale April 24, 2012 at 11:58 am

I don't know if we're ready for all that "Anne of Green Gables" and "I Heard the Mermaids Singing" stuff.
(Not to mention Anne Murray and Gordon Lightfoot.)

SayItWithWookies April 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Don't blame TS Eliot on Canada — he was a genuine American from St. Louis, which he tried so hard to live down that he became British. It was only after he became a Christian, though, that his writing started turning into warm pap.

DemmeFatale April 24, 2012 at 12:24 pm

No worries, Wooks.
I lived in Toronto 20 years ago, and they went on and on, (and on and on), about the movie "I've Heard the Mermaids Singing" as if films were invented in Canada!

Biff April 24, 2012 at 11:59 am
Redhead April 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

I can see the Fox News headline now: "Free Can Cun vacations – just for having brown skin? The exclusive on Obama's latest, racist entitlement plan, next!"

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

If all the Mexicans go home, who's going to make all that delicious Chinese and Thai food in the restaurants here in Texas?!?

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

Chinese and Thai food in the restaurants here in every where

FIXED

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 11:50 am

The Guatamelans.

DaRooster April 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

At least until December 21st…

DemmeFatale April 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Do they also make all the sushi there, (with the obligatory Japanese "front man")?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I'll believe there's a problem when insane, unhelmeted, unlighted bicycle delivery men in black jackets and pants stop swerving in front of me on rainy nights in NYC.

SteveMcCroskey April 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

Now we can tackle the insidious threat of illegal Canadian immigrants. I'm looking at you, Paul Anka.

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

I know, lets carjack Alex Trebeck's pick up truck; let him know he just ain't welcome heayah.

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

Does Ireland have a "right of return?"

Respitetini April 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

Even if they do, they're on a strict BYOJ (bring your own job) policy, seeing as there are none to be had there.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 1:06 pm

First it was the potatoes, now it's the jobs. What, exactly, is this "Luck of the Irish" I keep hearing about?

Isyaignert April 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

I believe it does if your parents or grandparents are Irish citizens.

Sir_Fartz_Alot April 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

we should all run away to pursue the messican dream. i hear their streets are paved with tacos.

chicken_thief April 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

Yes, but they all belong to someone's seester.

Sir_Fartz_Alot April 24, 2012 at 11:56 am

steenky fish tacos. muy bueno!

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Ju wan some, she been a birjen twel' time!

freakishlywrong April 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

Holy fuck, looks like we'll be picking our own hobo beans.

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

USM USM USM USM USM!

Guppy April 24, 2012 at 12:52 pm

"EE UU MM" I think.

SayItWithWookies April 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

Oh, that's not a reverse migration — it's mostly just Republican candidates for office getting the help out of sight until after the election.

mavenmaven April 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

Soon folks from Nevada and Arizona will travel south to make a little money cleaning the more affluent Mexicans' homes…

Blueb4sunrise April 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

I've considered it. Have you seen the novellas? Mexico is nothing but mansions and MILFs.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 12:04 pm

And hot high school teenagers who angst over their boyfriends, then sleep with their friends' fathers.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I had no idea what I was missing by not owning a teevee.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

"… folks from Nevada and Arizona will travel south to make a little money …"
I bet they'll be pissed when they find out there's a danged fence in the way.

weejee April 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

Well this ices it that Mittens won't be pickin' Marco Rubio or Susana Martinez, since there won't be enough Latinas or Latinos left to matter.

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

Will they take me with them? Please?

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

I got an idea. It's sort of like the B-Ark…we tell Rush and Beck and all of them that Mexico has a thriving but toddling neo-con audience, see, and….

GuyClinch April 24, 2012 at 11:56 am

You can earn many ameros being a reverse drug mule. APPLY TODAY (must provide own condoms)

Sharkey April 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

I hear Mexico's very nice this time of year.

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

All the good jobs today are with the Mexican drug cartels. There's room to move as a drug mule!!

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

All those poor returning Messicans. Don't they know they're all just going to get kidnapped when they get there?

JustPixelz April 24, 2012 at 11:46 am

Now if only we can apply the same pressures on the WASPs.

Can I still watch Univision?

Wait — the economy in Mexico has jerbz? I've a got a border to sneak across.

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 11:46 am

If your country sucks SO MUCH, you have trouble keeping the Messicans in, you might be a redneck.

DaRooster April 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

But wait? You don't want to be treated like shit, paid like shit with a chance of being jailed around every corner? What's wrong with you people?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

Hey, Mr. President – stop handing out favors to illegals. Oh, and can I get free tickets to Cancun?

EatsBabyDingos April 24, 2012 at 12:38 pm

What do canned Negros eat? Can 'coon. There's your free Cancun.

EatsBabyDingos April 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

To ease my transition to Messamerica, I have implanted a tortilla chip in my brain.

Guppy April 24, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Your head injury from the Frito Lay plant explosion acting up again?

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

Shreaded Pork Burrito, I wish I would have spent more time with you. I need a moment…I've got somthing in my eye…..*sniffles*

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

Two words: Taco Bell

Take your Fauxican food like a man.

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 12:00 pm

My dog likes Taco Bell. No joke. He loves that crap. Of course I once saw him shit, eat it, vomit up the shit, then eat the vomit.

DaRooster April 24, 2012 at 12:11 pm

So your dog cooks at Taco Bell?

TheGyrus April 24, 2012 at 11:50 am

They'll be back once global warming kicks in.

CommieLibunatic April 24, 2012 at 12:28 pm

If anything, I've heard that slobs in the US will flee south thanks to fucked up ocean currents and cooling in the north.

edgydrifter April 24, 2012 at 11:51 am

This, after all we've done to them. Ingrates.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

If so, it would be the first reversal since the Great Depression.

Go figure.

USA! USA! USA!
~

actor212 April 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

PEW!

PEW PEW!

(that's a Mexican "Federale" firing at the US border…"green cards? We don' need no steenkin' green cards!")

freakishlywrong April 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

They're "self deporting". Mittens wins.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

Pretty soon we wont even be able to afford their drugs.

chicken_thief April 24, 2012 at 11:54 am

This is great news for the Portman for Veep Campaign Committee!!!

Arken April 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

Oh please, everyone knows there are an infinite number of Mexicans, none of whom want to live in Mexico.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 12:58 pm

And a friction-free border, with no air resistance. (It's easier to understand teabagger theory if you make certain simplifications.)

Arken April 24, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Also, building a fence will stop all illegal immigration forever.

chitrade April 24, 2012 at 11:56 am

I'll believe it when the Romneys move back.

mrblifil April 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Guess they prefer the flavor of amebic dysentery to fracked water.

anniegetyerfun April 24, 2012 at 1:42 pm

It has a fuller, silkier mouthfeel.

WiscDad April 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

This is abso-fuckin-lutely hilarious

HippieEsq April 24, 2012 at 12:04 pm

"and changing economic conditions in Mexico" = Walmart-driven Salary-Free Job BOOM.

StarsUponThars April 24, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

For messican-haters, this is at best a hollow victory. Just like for the environmentalists, noting a decrease in greenhouse gasses when everyone lost their job at the same time.

Baconzgood April 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Duh……..Baconz none to bright today. Proceed.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 12:09 pm

The day is going to get better, Baconz.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 12:12 pm

No way. Mexico is a place where a bunch of crooked billionaires own 90% of everything, don't pay their taxes, and own all the politicians, plus there's almost no social mobility, and workers can't afford decent health care or college education for their kids. I'm sure they'd prefer to stay here, where …. ummm…. oh wait. Never mind.

ttommyunger April 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

You make a joke of it, but I believe it is part of the Grand Plan to equalize wages world-wide. Of course, an effort could have been made to raise the standard of living in less developed countries, but that would have been more expensive, labor cost-wise.

CommieLibunatic April 24, 2012 at 12:26 pm

One of the scenarios I've heard about Global Warming involves the North Atlantic Conveyer current shutting down, leading to cooler weather and ultimately the ironic flight of Americans south to warmer climates in Mexico.

I can only imagine the songs of acid ragebreath I will sing if that day comes (hint: It'll probably involve the word "fuck" repeated several times).

OneYieldRegular April 24, 2012 at 1:02 pm

This is portrayed in the Roland Emmerich film The Day After Tomorrow which is generally godawful except for an exquisitely hilarious shot of thousands of Americans streaming in panic towards the border at Tijuana – only to be refused entry.

proudgrampa April 24, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Who's gonna build your wall, boys?
Who's gonna mow your lawn?
Who's gonna cook your Mexican food
When your Mexican maid is gone?
Who's gonna wax the floors tonight
Down at the local mall?
Who's gonna wash your baby's face?
Who's gonna build your wall?

– Tom Russell

bravo_sierra April 24, 2012 at 12:51 pm

The Mexican economy really is doing much better. In 25 years, the average Mexican woman has gone from having 6 kids to something like 2.7. The government had a campaign to "have fewer so you can give them more." Looks like it is working. But also yes, we're a bunch of assholes who are too busy being xenophobic to notice these policies might not be too good for us in the long run.

randcoolcatdaddy April 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Oh great, now Brewer and the rest of the nut cases will be saying their Medieval laws are working, keeping the Great Menace from dipping their toes in the Great Moat of Protection Against Low Cost Brown Labor that surrounds Arizona.

Why not just annex Mexico and turn it into a feudal state for your own personal use, Jan, so you'll have someone to paint your toenails while you come up with more ways to sell off the state house and make a buck for yourself?

anniegetyerfun April 24, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Oh, noes! Who will Peggy Noonan see outside, on the street, if all the Mexicans are gone?

not that Dewey April 24, 2012 at 1:44 pm

"Unconquista" is the new "Reconquista"

crybabyboehner April 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I blame the War on Drugs.

NYNYNYjr April 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Maybe we should build a wall, to make it harder for them to escape.

deanbooth April 24, 2012 at 6:08 pm

It's like that episode of I Love Lucy, when Lucy makes a ruckus in her apartment so that the Mertzes will move out. Waaaaaaaaah, Riiiickeeeee [Perry / Santorum]!!

BZ1 April 24, 2012 at 9:48 pm

and if all the Mexicanos left at once, wouldn't the place just shut down?

misanthrope April 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Dammit now I will have to travel abroad to get my fill of uncut cock.

WonkCynic April 25, 2012 at 2:41 am

Yeah! Go back to Spain where you come from! Oh…wait…they are "Latin"os. Go back to Rome? Latin? Huh? They look like Aztecs to me. What about them is Latin?

DahBoner April 25, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Let's see, how does the joke in El Paso go?

New Mexico???

We don't need any new Mexicans, we've already got plenty of old Mexicans…

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