What was that question from the dumb Republican debates, about Mexicans… oh yes: How do you “turn off the magnet” that brings all those Mexitrons to the United States? Well, it appears we have our answer: make the United States really shitty. The Pew Hispanic Center has released a new report that shows “the net migration flow from Mexico to the United States has stopped—and may have reversed.” If so, it would be the first reversal since the Great Depression. Does this indicate that… something is wrong with the United States economy, now?
Indeed, the Mexicans are all scrambling to get out of the Greatest Fucking Country In The History Of The World now that there’s nothing desirable about it whatsoever. We should congratulate the politicians for finally getting past their partisan rhetoric on this issue and solving the problem by systematically destroying the nation.
A modest chunk of the reversal — between 5 and 35 percent, according to Pew’s crack team of narrow-downers — come from deportations. Massive deportations have been considered one of Barack Obama’s more cruel policy fetishes in his first term. But thanks to this Pew study, we know that it’s more like the administration has just been handing out free plane tickets to willing recipients. This Welfare President knows no end.
The standstill appears to be the result of many factors, including the weakened U.S. job and housing construction markets, heightened border enforcement, a rise in deportations, the growing dangers associated with illegal border crossings, the long-term decline in Mexico’s birth rates and changing economic conditions in Mexico.
Also too, idiots in Georgia.
[Pew]
{ 124 comments }
The economy is improving and the Mexicans are leaving. What is a GOP strategist to do?
I have a few suggestions as to what they could do, but I'm afraid most are anatomically difficult.
Tits of STFU. Or just STFU.
Scream abortion louder?
Homosexual agenda!!!!!!!1!!!1!
I hear there's some wimminz and blahs what needs oppressin'.
Point to the success of their voluntary deportation program.
Root for a collapse in the Eurozone?
Pray for a resurgent al – Qaeda?
Nah, they'll go with the classic culture wars…yet again…
Get Monica Lewinsky into the WH internship program?
Lower the minimum wage to $1.50 and move industry to Georgia.
Require graduates with student loans to repay to work in agricultural fields – literally. Those tomatoes aren't going to pick themselves.
Lucky. I wish I had a country of origin I could return to.
Those Mexicans should build the danged fence already!
Maybe they'll get jobs down there and send money back up to us?
At Walmart!
That's why they send money back to Mexico. It's to fund the bribes for Wally World.
I've been contemplating a run for the border myself, and I'm not Messican.
Well, it appears we have our answer: make the United States really shitty.
That was their answer to the Chinese labor standards as well. Make ours worse than theirs and the damned huddled masses over here will STFU about it.
It's a race to the bottom and we're winning!!!!
Yay! I never win anything!
Oh, wait. Shit.
Who will pick the grapes that make the wine that loosens us up to write vicious jokes about Mexicans, who pick the grapes?
Someone, hold me please.
Prepare for an onslaught of holding offers from the pale commentariat, Barb.
Would imported tequila help?
No, no, no, Pixelz. I don't drink tequila anymore. For some reason, it makes my mookie hurt.
Aaaaah the tequila makes you black out. It's what you're doing when blacked out that makes the mookie hurt.
Knock it off the with the holding. Those grapes don't pick themselves…
/hands her basket and gloves/
et tu, Manchu?
We take no whine before its time.
Less talk, more picking. And when you're done there the hops for my beer need tending.
Maybe they could build some kind of fence on the southern border to keep them in…
If you give a Mexican a job, he'll ask you for a cookie…
Or something.
Don't drink the water while watching Loud Obbs, it'll give you the shits.
Oh No! "A Day Without A Mexican" was a documentary!!!!!
Adios, US. Pendejos.
Who's going to harvest and can our hobo beans now?
They prefer home-made flour tortillas to store-bought.
The "tired and poor huddled masses yearning to breathe free" have figured out that we've got a corner on the poor huddled masses for our own unemployed, and our air is no longer free but costs $1.00 to pump up one fucking tire at the local Exxon station.
Now if we can only get our own leaders to figure that out we may go somewhere other than the shit can.
And if they're going to get diabeetus, they'd rather do it with cane sugar than HFCS.
Thank the good Lawd for the likes of Gov. Jan "Big Cajones" Brewer!!!
I thought her nickname was Cajones Shriveller
Ol' Wrinkletitties herself personally drove them away.
I guess Canada City will be the new US America and US America the new Messiko.
Better get used to eating Poutine, drinking Cinquante (50) ale and saying eh and aboot and hearing fat white self righteous Canada City people bitching about "Those lousy illegal Yanks are stealing our healthcare, eh. What's that all aboot?"
I don't know if we're ready for all that "Anne of Green Gables" and "I Heard the Mermaids Singing" stuff.
(Not to mention Anne Murray and Gordon Lightfoot.)
Don't blame TS Eliot on Canada — he was a genuine American from St. Louis, which he tried so hard to live down that he became British. It was only after he became a Christian, though, that his writing started turning into warm pap.
No worries, Wooks.
I lived in Toronto 20 years ago, and they went on and on, (and on and on), about the movie "I've Heard the Mermaids Singing" as if films were invented in Canada!
"Tommy the Canexican
Vancouver-dwelling Mexican
Staying with his next of kin
and writing those bad checks again"…
I can see the Fox News headline now: "Free Can Cun vacations – just for having brown skin? The exclusive on Obama's latest, racist entitlement plan, next!"
If all the Mexicans go home, who's going to make all that delicious Chinese and Thai food in the restaurants here in Texas?!?
Chinese and Thai food in the restaurants here in every where
FIXED
The Guatamelans.
At least until December 21st…
Do they also make all the sushi there, (with the obligatory Japanese "front man")?
I'll believe there's a problem when insane, unhelmeted, unlighted bicycle delivery men in black jackets and pants stop swerving in front of me on rainy nights in NYC.
Now we can tackle the insidious threat of illegal Canadian immigrants. I'm looking at you, Paul Anka.
I know, lets carjack Alex Trebeck's pick up truck; let him know he just ain't welcome heayah.
Does Ireland have a "right of return?"
Even if they do, they're on a strict BYOJ (bring your own job) policy, seeing as there are none to be had there.
First it was the potatoes, now it's the jobs. What, exactly, is this "Luck of the Irish" I keep hearing about?
I believe it does if your parents or grandparents are Irish citizens.
we should all run away to pursue the messican dream. i hear their streets are paved with tacos.
Yes, but they all belong to someone's seester.
steenky fish tacos. muy bueno!
Ju wan some, she been a birjen twel' time!
Holy fuck, looks like we'll be picking our own hobo beans.
USM USM USM USM USM!
"EE UU MM" I think.
Oh, that's not a reverse migration — it's mostly just Republican candidates for office getting the help out of sight until after the election.
Soon folks from Nevada and Arizona will travel south to make a little money cleaning the more affluent Mexicans' homes…
I've considered it. Have you seen the novellas? Mexico is nothing but mansions and MILFs.
And hot high school teenagers who angst over their boyfriends, then sleep with their friends' fathers.
I had no idea what I was missing by not owning a teevee.
"… folks from Nevada and Arizona will travel south to make a little money …"
I bet they'll be pissed when they find out there's a danged fence in the way.
Well this ices it that Mittens won't be pickin' Marco Rubio or Susana Martinez, since there won't be enough Latinas or Latinos left to matter.
Will they take me with them? Please?
I got an idea. It's sort of like the B-Ark…we tell Rush and Beck and all of them that Mexico has a thriving but toddling neo-con audience, see, and….
You can earn many ameros being a reverse drug mule. APPLY TODAY (must provide own condoms)
I hear Mexico's very nice this time of year.
All the good jobs today are with the Mexican drug cartels. There's room to move as a drug mule!!
All those poor returning Messicans. Don't they know they're all just going to get kidnapped when they get there?
Now if only we can apply the same pressures on the WASPs.
Can I still watch Univision?
Wait — the economy in Mexico has jerbz? I've a got a border to sneak across.
If your country sucks SO MUCH, you have trouble keeping the Messicans in, you might be a redneck.
But wait? You don't want to be treated like shit, paid like shit with a chance of being jailed around every corner? What's wrong with you people?
Hey, Mr. President – stop handing out favors to illegals. Oh, and can I get free tickets to Cancun?
What do canned Negros eat? Can 'coon. There's your free Cancun.
To ease my transition to Messamerica, I have implanted a tortilla chip in my brain.
Your head injury from the Frito Lay plant explosion acting up again?
Shreaded Pork Burrito, I wish I would have spent more time with you. I need a moment…I've got somthing in my eye…..*sniffles*
Two words: Taco Bell
Take your Fauxican food like a man.
My dog likes Taco Bell. No joke. He loves that crap. Of course I once saw him shit, eat it, vomit up the shit, then eat the vomit.
So your dog cooks at Taco Bell?
They'll be back once global warming kicks in.
If anything, I've heard that slobs in the US will flee south thanks to fucked up ocean currents and cooling in the north.
This, after all we've done to them. Ingrates.
If so, it would be the first reversal since the Great Depression.
Go figure.
USA! USA! USA!
~
PEW!
PEW PEW!
(that's a Mexican "Federale" firing at the US border…"green cards? We don' need no steenkin' green cards!")
They're "self deporting". Mittens wins.
Pretty soon we wont even be able to afford their drugs.
This is great news for the Portman for Veep Campaign Committee!!!
Oh please, everyone knows there are an infinite number of Mexicans, none of whom want to live in Mexico.
And a friction-free border, with no air resistance. (It's easier to understand teabagger theory if you make certain simplifications.)
Also, building a fence will stop all illegal immigration forever.
I'll believe it when the Romneys move back.
Guess they prefer the flavor of amebic dysentery to fracked water.
It has a fuller, silkier mouthfeel.
This is abso-fuckin-lutely hilarious
"and changing economic conditions in Mexico" = Walmart-driven Salary-Free Job BOOM.
South Park did it:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s15…
For messican-haters, this is at best a hollow victory. Just like for the environmentalists, noting a decrease in greenhouse gasses when everyone lost their job at the same time.
Duh……..Baconz none to bright today. Proceed.
The day is going to get better, Baconz.
No way. Mexico is a place where a bunch of crooked billionaires own 90% of everything, don't pay their taxes, and own all the politicians, plus there's almost no social mobility, and workers can't afford decent health care or college education for their kids. I'm sure they'd prefer to stay here, where …. ummm…. oh wait. Never mind.
You make a joke of it, but I believe it is part of the Grand Plan to equalize wages world-wide. Of course, an effort could have been made to raise the standard of living in less developed countries, but that would have been more expensive, labor cost-wise.
One of the scenarios I've heard about Global Warming involves the North Atlantic Conveyer current shutting down, leading to cooler weather and ultimately the ironic flight of Americans south to warmer climates in Mexico.
I can only imagine the songs of acid ragebreath I will sing if that day comes (hint: It'll probably involve the word "fuck" repeated several times).
This is portrayed in the Roland Emmerich film The Day After Tomorrow which is generally godawful except for an exquisitely hilarious shot of thousands of Americans streaming in panic towards the border at Tijuana – only to be refused entry.
Who's gonna build your wall, boys?
Who's gonna mow your lawn?
Who's gonna cook your Mexican food
When your Mexican maid is gone?
Who's gonna wax the floors tonight
Down at the local mall?
Who's gonna wash your baby's face?
Who's gonna build your wall?
– Tom Russell
The Mexican economy really is doing much better. In 25 years, the average Mexican woman has gone from having 6 kids to something like 2.7. The government had a campaign to "have fewer so you can give them more." Looks like it is working. But also yes, we're a bunch of assholes who are too busy being xenophobic to notice these policies might not be too good for us in the long run.
Oh great, now Brewer and the rest of the nut cases will be saying their Medieval laws are working, keeping the Great Menace from dipping their toes in the Great Moat of Protection Against Low Cost Brown Labor that surrounds Arizona.
Why not just annex Mexico and turn it into a feudal state for your own personal use, Jan, so you'll have someone to paint your toenails while you come up with more ways to sell off the state house and make a buck for yourself?
Oh, noes! Who will Peggy Noonan see outside, on the street, if all the Mexicans are gone?
"Unconquista" is the new "Reconquista"
I blame the War on Drugs.
Maybe we should build a wall, to make it harder for them to escape.
It's like that episode of I Love Lucy, when Lucy makes a ruckus in her apartment so that the Mertzes will move out. Waaaaaaaaah, Riiiickeeeee [Perry / Santorum]!!
and if all the Mexicanos left at once, wouldn't the place just shut down?
Dammit now I will have to travel abroad to get my fill of uncut cock.
Yeah! Go back to Spain where you come from! Oh…wait…they are "Latin"os. Go back to Rome? Latin? Huh? They look like Aztecs to me. What about them is Latin?
Let's see, how does the joke in El Paso go?
New Mexico???
We don't need any new Mexicans, we've already got plenty of old Mexicans…
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