we can still hate them though

Mexicans Getting The Hell Out Of Miserable United States

if the mexicans stop coming, does lou dobbs even exist?What was that question from the dumb Republican debates, about Mexicans… oh yes: How do you “turn off the magnet” that brings all those Mexitrons to the United States? Well, it appears we have our answer: make the United States really shitty. The Pew Hispanic Center has released a new report that shows “the net migration flow from Mexico to the United States has stopped—and may have reversed.” If so, it would be the first reversal since the Great Depression. Does this indicate that… something is wrong with the United States economy, now?

Indeed, the Mexicans are all scrambling to get out of the Greatest Fucking Country In The History Of The World now that there’s nothing desirable about it whatsoever. We should congratulate the politicians for finally getting past their partisan rhetoric on this issue and solving the problem by systematically destroying the nation.

A modest chunk of the reversal — between 5 and 35 percent, according to Pew’s crack team of narrow-downers — come from deportations. Massive deportations have been considered one of Barack Obama’s more cruel policy fetishes in his first term. But thanks to this Pew study, we know that it’s more like the administration has just been handing out free plane tickets to willing recipients. This Welfare President knows no end.

The standstill appears to be the result of many factors, including the weakened U.S. job and housing construction markets, heightened border enforcement, a rise in deportations, the growing dangers associated with illegal border crossings, the long-term decline in Mexico’s birth rates and changing economic conditions in Mexico.

Also too, idiots in Georgia.


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    1. Terry

      I have a few suggestions as to what they could do, but I'm afraid most are anatomically difficult.

    2. Callyson

      Root for a collapse in the Eurozone?

      Pray for a resurgent al – Qaeda?

      Nah, they'll go with the classic culture wars…yet again…

    3. GeneralLerong

      Lower the minimum wage to $1.50 and move industry to Georgia.

      Require graduates with student loans to repay to work in agricultural fields – literally. Those tomatoes aren't going to pick themselves.

  1. Joshua Norton

    Well, it appears we have our answer: make the United States really shitty.

    That was their answer to the Chinese labor standards as well. Make ours worse than theirs and the damned huddled masses over here will STFU about it.

    It's a race to the bottom and we're winning!!!!

  2. Barb

    Who will pick the grapes that make the wine that loosens us up to write vicious jokes about Mexicans, who pick the grapes?

    Someone, hold me please.

        1. Baconzgood

          Aaaaah the tequila makes you black out. It's what you're doing when blacked out that makes the mookie hurt.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Less talk, more picking. And when you're done there the hops for my beer need tending.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      The "tired and poor huddled masses yearning to breathe free" have figured out that we've got a corner on the poor huddled masses for our own unemployed, and our air is no longer free but costs $1.00 to pump up one fucking tire at the local Exxon station.

      Now if we can only get our own leaders to figure that out we may go somewhere other than the shit can.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    I guess Canada City will be the new US America and US America the new Messiko.

    Better get used to eating Poutine, drinking Cinquante (50) ale and saying eh and aboot and hearing fat white self righteous Canada City people bitching about "Those lousy illegal Yanks are stealing our healthcare, eh. What's that all aboot?"

    1. DemmeFatale

      I don't know if we're ready for all that "Anne of Green Gables" and "I Heard the Mermaids Singing" stuff.
      (Not to mention Anne Murray and Gordon Lightfoot.)

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Don't blame TS Eliot on Canada — he was a genuine American from St. Louis, which he tried so hard to live down that he became British. It was only after he became a Christian, though, that his writing started turning into warm pap.

        1. DemmeFatale

          No worries, Wooks.
          I lived in Toronto 20 years ago, and they went on and on, (and on and on), about the movie "I've Heard the Mermaids Singing" as if films were invented in Canada!

  4. Redhead

    I can see the Fox News headline now: "Free Can Cun vacations – just for having brown skin? The exclusive on Obama's latest, racist entitlement plan, next!"

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    If all the Mexicans go home, who's going to make all that delicious Chinese and Thai food in the restaurants here in Texas?!?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'll believe there's a problem when insane, unhelmeted, unlighted bicycle delivery men in black jackets and pants stop swerving in front of me on rainy nights in NYC.

  6. SteveMcCroskey

    Now we can tackle the insidious threat of illegal Canadian immigrants. I'm looking at you, Paul Anka.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I know, lets carjack Alex Trebeck's pick up truck; let him know he just ain't welcome heayah.

    1. Respitetini

      Even if they do, they're on a strict BYOJ (bring your own job) policy, seeing as there are none to be had there.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        First it was the potatoes, now it's the jobs. What, exactly, is this "Luck of the Irish" I keep hearing about?

  7. Sir_Fartz_Alot

    we should all run away to pursue the messican dream. i hear their streets are paved with tacos.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, that's not a reverse migration — it's mostly just Republican candidates for office getting the help out of sight until after the election.

  9. mavenmaven

    Soon folks from Nevada and Arizona will travel south to make a little money cleaning the more affluent Mexicans' homes…

    1. Blueb4sunrise

      I've considered it. Have you seen the novellas? Mexico is nothing but mansions and MILFs.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "… folks from Nevada and Arizona will travel south to make a little money …"
      I bet they'll be pissed when they find out there's a danged fence in the way.

  10. weejee

    Well this ices it that Mittens won't be pickin' Marco Rubio or Susana Martinez, since there won't be enough Latinas or Latinos left to matter.

    1. actor212

      I got an idea. It's sort of like the B-Ark…we tell Rush and Beck and all of them that Mexico has a thriving but toddling neo-con audience, see, and….

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    All the good jobs today are with the Mexican drug cartels. There's room to move as a drug mule!!

  12. Lascauxcaveman

    All those poor returning Messicans. Don't they know they're all just going to get kidnapped when they get there?

  13. JustPixelz

    Now if only we can apply the same pressures on the WASPs.

    Can I still watch Univision?

    Wait — the economy in Mexico has jerbz? I've a got a border to sneak across.

  14. DaRooster

    But wait? You don't want to be treated like shit, paid like shit with a chance of being jailed around every corner? What's wrong with you people?

  15. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Hey, Mr. President – stop handing out favors to illegals. Oh, and can I get free tickets to Cancun?

  16. Baconzgood

    Shreaded Pork Burrito, I wish I would have spent more time with you. I need a moment…I've got somthing in my eye…..*sniffles*

      1. Baconzgood

        My dog likes Taco Bell. No joke. He loves that crap. Of course I once saw him shit, eat it, vomit up the shit, then eat the vomit.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      If anything, I've heard that slobs in the US will flee south thanks to fucked up ocean currents and cooling in the north.

  17. Arken

    Oh please, everyone knows there are an infinite number of Mexicans, none of whom want to live in Mexico.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      And a friction-free border, with no air resistance. (It's easier to understand teabagger theory if you make certain simplifications.)

  18. Lascauxcaveman

    For messican-haters, this is at best a hollow victory. Just like for the environmentalists, noting a decrease in greenhouse gasses when everyone lost their job at the same time.

  19. Biel_ze_Bubba

    No way. Mexico is a place where a bunch of crooked billionaires own 90% of everything, don't pay their taxes, and own all the politicians, plus there's almost no social mobility, and workers can't afford decent health care or college education for their kids. I'm sure they'd prefer to stay here, where …. ummm…. oh wait. Never mind.

  20. ttommyunger

    You make a joke of it, but I believe it is part of the Grand Plan to equalize wages world-wide. Of course, an effort could have been made to raise the standard of living in less developed countries, but that would have been more expensive, labor cost-wise.

  21. CommieLibunatic

    One of the scenarios I've heard about Global Warming involves the North Atlantic Conveyer current shutting down, leading to cooler weather and ultimately the ironic flight of Americans south to warmer climates in Mexico.

    I can only imagine the songs of acid ragebreath I will sing if that day comes (hint: It'll probably involve the word "fuck" repeated several times).

    1. OneYieldRegular

      This is portrayed in the Roland Emmerich film The Day After Tomorrow which is generally godawful except for an exquisitely hilarious shot of thousands of Americans streaming in panic towards the border at Tijuana – only to be refused entry.

  22. proudgrampa

    Who's gonna build your wall, boys?
    Who's gonna mow your lawn?
    Who's gonna cook your Mexican food
    When your Mexican maid is gone?
    Who's gonna wax the floors tonight
    Down at the local mall?
    Who's gonna wash your baby's face?
    Who's gonna build your wall?

    — Tom Russell

  23. bravo_sierra

    The Mexican economy really is doing much better. In 25 years, the average Mexican woman has gone from having 6 kids to something like 2.7. The government had a campaign to "have fewer so you can give them more." Looks like it is working. But also yes, we're a bunch of assholes who are too busy being xenophobic to notice these policies might not be too good for us in the long run.

  24. randcoolcatdaddy

    Oh great, now Brewer and the rest of the nut cases will be saying their Medieval laws are working, keeping the Great Menace from dipping their toes in the Great Moat of Protection Against Low Cost Brown Labor that surrounds Arizona.

    Why not just annex Mexico and turn it into a feudal state for your own personal use, Jan, so you'll have someone to paint your toenails while you come up with more ways to sell off the state house and make a buck for yourself?

  25. anniegetyerfun

    Oh, noes! Who will Peggy Noonan see outside, on the street, if all the Mexicans are gone?

  26. deanbooth

    It's like that episode of I Love Lucy, when Lucy makes a ruckus in her apartment so that the Mertzes will move out. Waaaaaaaaah, Riiiickeeeee [Perry / Santorum]!!

  27. WonkCynic

    Yeah! Go back to Spain where you come from! Oh…wait…they are "Latin"os. Go back to Rome? Latin? Huh? They look like Aztecs to me. What about them is Latin?

  28. DahBoner

    Let's see, how does the joke in El Paso go?

    New Mexico???

    We don't need any new Mexicans, we've already got plenty of old Mexicans…

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