Why Is This Tennessee School Racist Against This Nice Girl’s Confederate Flag Dress?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

we cry more more moreLike any other girl who dreams of the magical night that is her prom, high school senior Texanna Edwards just wanted to dress up as the muscle car from “The Dukes Of Hazzard,” the General Lee. The lady who was the prom sponsor suggested before the Confederate flag dress was made that this was a bad idea, and that Texanna needed to clear it with the school principal. But Texanna didn’t ask for approval, Texanna says, because “I didn’t think I needed to. I had one teacher tell me it was a bad idea. but I just thought she only said that because it would offend people.” Makes sense so far! Then Texanna got to prom and they wouldn’t let her in unless she went home and changed, but Texanna didn’t want to go home and change, because why would the principal tell her a Confederate flag dress was “offensive and inappropriate” when everybody knows that is not the case it is about heritage or something and it’s not like Gibson County High School has had race problems except that it has?

Anyway, Texanna did not get to go to her prom this year unless she went home and changed but Texanna didn’t go home and change and now her story is in the newspaper, because there has never been a greater injustice in the history of prom. SPARTACUS! [Tennessean, via Wonkette operative "keepfnthatchicken"]

 
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{ 270 comments }

Barb April 24, 2012 at 10:33 am

Wonder how much she paid at The Big and Tall Whore Store for that rag? Her mom could have saved a fortune ($18.00 in redneck bucks) and just let her wear a sheet with a pointy hood.

EtchySketchy April 24, 2012 at 10:37 am

They used the sheet and hood to make her jacket.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 10:59 am

The dress is from the Ann Coulter Collection, exclusively at KKK-Mart.

IonaTrailer April 24, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Polite clapping…

Well played, well played….

HobbesEvilTwin April 24, 2012 at 10:59 am

And truly, the final flag of the confederacy was white.

Steverino247 April 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

Ha! Well played, sir. Well played.

Trannysurprise April 24, 2012 at 10:59 am

I have no doubt that this outfit was "off the shelf" at some shitty Dollar General in her dead ass town.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

From the shitty Dollar General Lee store. She strikes me as the kind of gal who goes to the cashier over and over again and asks, "How much is this?" "A dollar? okay"

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

Help me, Barb, tell me those giant blue things aren't earrings.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

They look like two bluebirds that her date shot for her. Guess he didn't have time to make her a homemade fur with summer school approaching.

Prommie, the funny part is that I can't help but to wonder what strange underwear she is wearing under that dress. Any guesses?

Swampgas_Man April 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

She's goin' commando, because armed rebellion and Freedumz.

prommie April 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I'm thinking some spanx, or whatever they call them new girdles. Man, I remember the old battleaxe grade school teachers always wore girdles, and they dried them on too high a temperature, so my memories of grade school are associated with the smell of scorched latex.

IonaTrailer April 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

She's got the underpants with the ammo pockets.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 29, 2012 at 1:46 am

Bandolier garters carry more rounds.

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 11:31 am

But Barb!

Texanna's just a slave to fashion.

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

My take is, of course, every community has its own standards and mores, and in any event, a confederate flag diaper is always appropriate.

In many cases, a confederate flag bikini is also acceptable, but in her case, I would say no.

SkinnyNerd April 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

It must of cost her a fortune because she was only left with enough money to wear flip-flops to the prom.

ibwilliamsi April 27, 2012 at 6:55 pm

You never fail to crack me up!

Preacher_Griz April 30, 2012 at 8:04 pm

whatev. she is SO HAWT!!!!!!

GhostBuggy April 24, 2012 at 10:34 am

Of course her name is Texanna, because of course it is.

vodkamuppet April 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

That just blows my mind.

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

You should meet her sisters Michiginny, Floridana, and South Dakota Fanning.

vodkamuppet April 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

Michiganny's my sisters name too!

Chichikovovich April 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

… and wynotonthecouchoming.

[First try deleted]

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

And Missississy.

GhostBuggy April 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm

This one is my favorite.

shebeers April 27, 2012 at 2:31 am

My favorite too.
Thanks for adding two more "crooked letters" and taking out those two annoying "humpbacks."

Not_So_Much April 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

My cousin's sister-wife is constantly shouting "I da Ho!"

No idea if that's her name, but she is pretty hot on the outdoor couch in bed.

Geminisunmars April 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

And cousin Arizontalle.

Swampgas_Man April 24, 2012 at 12:03 pm

But, but– Florida is a BLAH person's name! Remember "Good Times"?

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 2:59 pm

And also too her brother Tr…
*thing with "16 Tons" on it falls from sky*

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

Too bad her folks didn't look to the northeast when choosing her name, they could have called her Masshole.

vodkamuppet April 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

I've always thought Vermontina is a beautiful name.

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 11:40 am

I'm from Washington, so naturally I'm partial to "Washingtonia." But that's probably already been trademarked by Carrie and Fred for the first spin-off of Portlandia.

Generation[redacted] April 24, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Washingtonienne?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 4:13 pm

For a cheese, maybe.

vodkamuppet April 24, 2012 at 6:12 pm

"It's like Fontina but whiter"

Chichikovovich April 24, 2012 at 11:31 am

If they had listened to second cousin Jonnyreb ("the smart one") who watches the history channel, sometimes even when Monster Truck races are on, they could have called her Chile'o'maine.

IonaTrailer April 24, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I heard that Dumfries and Manassas Virginia have merged.

The new town will be called Dumasses.

Redhead April 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

That might possibly be the most offensive part of this story.

OneDollarJuana April 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

All the boys love her because "everything's bigger in Texanna!"

Veritas78 April 24, 2012 at 5:23 pm

And given the size of their dicks, this is important.

teebob2000 April 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Is she named for the state? I don't know — Alaska.

criminogenic April 24, 2012 at 5:50 pm

her proper name is Texanna-lou please

ManchuCandidate April 24, 2012 at 10:35 am

Why couldn't she just wear an all white dress with a hood?

mrblifil April 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

Then she'd be a walking target. Too soon?

EtchySketchy April 24, 2012 at 10:35 am

Texanna's actually the sane one in her family. You should meet her sister Arizonna May Shooty-guns.

Trannysurprise April 24, 2012 at 10:37 am

Hey, she was just stating her position on States Rights! She's not being a total racist asshole like all those others that are now totally racists assholes for suggesting that she is.

SudsMcKenzie April 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

Let whoever hasn't showed up in a Confederate Prom Dress, cast the first stones.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

She just wanted to show off her new figure after giving birth 5 years ago. Let's cut her some slack.

SudsMcKenzie April 24, 2012 at 10:39 am

Needs more chin surgery.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

She'll have to postpone that surgery for a while. Something tells me that's she's not been "In the Land of (5 days a month) Cotton" for a while. Breast milk is a bitch to get out of a prom dress.

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

So's afterbirth.

SudsMcKenzie April 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

Thats what Stone Wall said.

Flat_Earther April 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm

It that whole thing about vertical v horizontal stripes…

DemmeFatale April 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

I love it when our Becca is in a facetious mood!

slithytoves April 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

because there has never been a greater injustice in the history of prom.

I beg to differ. My prom date surely takes the prize for that.

Sharkey April 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

Excessive flatulence? Do tell!

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Worse — a pastel tux with a ruffled shirt!
*shrieking noise a la "Psycho" shower scene*

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 4:28 pm

No matter how horrific, there's always worse. Always.

Then again, there's this.
(Warning: swallow your coffee, put down the mug, and blow your nose NOW. I am not responsible for what's about to happen to your keyboard and monitor.)

Lit Happens April 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

Maybe she's just sending a signal that she's willing to surrender.

elviouslyqueer April 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

Judging from the gayface on her "escort," I think the best she could settle for is a truce.

Swampgas_Man April 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Only if she flies it upside-down.

CapnFatback April 24, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I'm certain that it was upside down before the end of the evening.

sewollef April 24, 2012 at 1:00 pm

She probably seceded her underwear in the back of the car…

EtchySketchy April 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

Stupid Socialist Proms and their elitist dress-requirements.

Trannysurprise April 24, 2012 at 10:41 am

It's the pearls that just tie the whole classy outfit together.

Barb April 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

Those aren't peals, Lovie. She has her children's missing baby teeth strung on some dental floss.

GuyClinch April 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

"her missing children's baby teeth…" /fixed

GuyClinch April 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

Actually: "her missing children's babies' teeth…" /refixed

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:06 pm

You're both wrong; they're her missing teeth.

DemmeFatale April 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

And the collar. The popped up collar makes it.
That, and the KKK jacket.

Radiotherapy April 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

I'm sure it's not the first pearl necklace she's had.

Redhead April 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

Or the only one she'll be wearing before the night's over…

Texan_Bulldog April 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

Maybe she'll go to Aruba for a senior class trip. Too soon?

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:08 am

Can we take up a collection to send her?

Beowoof April 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

As I understand it, the stars and bars was the battle flag of the confederacy. Thus, I believe she is going to school to battle on the side of willful ignorance perpetuated in the south. That she is ignorant is a given considering her outfit.

DemmeFatale April 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

These rubes and their stupid flag!
Get over it, people!
YOU LOST!!!!!

Tommy1733 April 24, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Many people today continue to wage that very same battle. In my opinion they have inherited their willful ignorance from the South itself; that this mindset arose from the need to rationalize the economic incentive to perpetuate slavery, which was an otherwise indefensible institution.

philpjfry April 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

WTF is wrong with these people?

DaRooster April 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

Well, they have the same number of IQ points in their families… just way too many kids to spread them out over.

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

Lincoln asked himself the same question.

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:08 am

Southern Pride. Also known as "belligerent inferiority complex."

edgydrifter April 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

Ding Ding Ding!! We have a winner!

Chichikovovich April 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

Sherman went too easy on 'em?

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

We have another winner!

freakishlywrong April 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

Uh..Republican.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:08 pm

A gene pool which originated in transported convicts and has not been improved by 400 years of inbreeding?

Redgyal April 25, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Heritage not hatred?

Joshua Norton April 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

About $500 was spent on her hair, makeup, the dress and her date’s apparel,

Cheap date. I went to High School many moons ago and spent over $1000 for all that plus dinner and a town car.

And even then I couldn't wear what I wanted to. I had one of those cool Tux-T's and my date had one where the boobs lit up, but noooooooooo.

Texan_Bulldog April 24, 2012 at 10:57 am

Who buys prom attire for their daughter's date? I guess people in TN…never mind. (Maybe it's the only way they could get a date for their little Texanna.)

edgydrifter April 24, 2012 at 11:20 am

When your daughter's date is your son, it's the right thing to do.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Homer: When Lisa and Bart get married…
Marge: You DO mean to other people, right?
Home: OK, but I'm not paying for TWO weddings.

GuyClinch April 24, 2012 at 10:44 am

She accessorized with Truck Nutz. But still, the aptly named dumb-ass has every right to wear the dress. I mean, come on.

pdiddycornchips April 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

In a few years, when she's looking in the mirror, cleaning the blood from her nose following a particularly brutal beating from her pimp, she'll look back on her prom as among the best days of her life.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:13 pm

"Pimp"? What do you think Texanna is, one of those "urban" types? No, she's a good upstanding American with values, by which I mean an illiterate hick — the beating will come from her cousin/husband, by God.

freakishlywrong April 24, 2012 at 10:46 am

Wow. Tennessee is getting as fucked up as Texanna.

Beowoof April 24, 2012 at 10:46 am

Okay I give, I am for secession for the south. They are ignorant and want to stay that way. Please leave and take Sarah Palin's Alaska with you.

criticaldsj April 29, 2012 at 11:32 pm

We're going to need Alaska's oil. And the Salmon. So they get to stay. But I'm in favor of moving anyone that wants to live in the confederacy there at no charge.

EtchySketchy April 24, 2012 at 10:46 am

*sniff* Our little girl is growing up, I just hope this county's ready for its first female Grand Wizard.

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

We Can Do It!

chicken_thief April 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

She's so classy her date cropped his mullet just for the occasion.

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 11:00 am

That premature balding really brings out his eyes.

SnarkoMarx April 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

Today we are all six-foot high balloons full-to-burstin' with vanilla pudding in stars and bars prom dresses.

Arkoday April 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

Ah fuck. PROM. I thought it said porn.

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

Hope she stays away from fish camps.

GemlikeFlame April 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

Take a fairly high energy round to find a vital organ in all that. Or a harpoon and a very persistent Captain Ahab.

Seriously, what is wrong with these people?

el_donaldo April 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

Covering the wingnuttia coming out of Tennessee is turning into a full-time beat.

donner_froh April 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

Mel Gibson County High. Just don't try wearing a Star of David.

IncenseDebate April 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

When you squeeze her honkers her butt plays Dixie?

vodkamuppet April 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

No, only when you punch her in the chin.

Mumbletypeg April 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

*sigh* — I miss Texanne Texannadanna..

jodyleek April 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

Senior year in Tennessee, elsewhere known as 4th grade.

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

Your move, Sissy Spacek.

vodkamuppet April 24, 2012 at 10:52 am

I got a similar reaction for my SS tuxedo. Some people are so sensitive.

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

And the PC police got soooo mad at me when I showed up at Harrod's of London in my IRA-chic three-piece.

Heritage, not hate!!

vodkamuppet April 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

Psssh… fuckin squares.

doloras April 24, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Is the third piece the balaclava?

chicken_thief April 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

Fucking a-holes at my prom in Montana wouldn't let me in dressed as Sitting Bull. No sense of humor, those guys….

Wile E. Quixote April 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

Wa it Hugo Boss?

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

Karl von Lagerfeld. Sieg heil!

Tundra Grifter April 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

You should see the looks I get when I wear my Nazi flag t-shirt.

OneYieldRegular April 24, 2012 at 12:57 pm

OMG! Prince William comments on Wonkette?

anniegetyerfun April 24, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Harry.

occams8ball April 24, 2012 at 10:52 am

"Because I want the world to know that my parents raised me wight."

Sharkey April 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

But did she get laid anyway?

DaRooster April 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

Of course… Pa was home when she got there.

vodkamuppet April 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

In the parking lot of a Waffle House I'm guessing.

SayItWithWookies April 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

Yeah, but sex among the ignorant isn't pretty — there must be more confusion and chaos in Tennessee on prom night than on the first night of Shiloh.

Steverino247 April 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

So her vulva is known to the local boys as "Pittsburg Landing?"

SayItWithWookies April 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

Yeah — and she tried to fuck a North Carolina boy once, but he was first in flight.

DaRooster April 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

DOLLYWOOD!!

YeeHawww!!

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

Pigeon Forge Libel!

bagofmice April 24, 2012 at 3:52 pm

You should be taking the lead on this thread.

elgin_pelican April 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

Someone PM Ted Nugent, he should be right on top of this.

DaRooster April 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

He has been right on top of this already…

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

Whang dang racist poontang?

BZ1 April 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

complete with a dopey, I don't know what you're talking about smile …

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm

She knows exactly what we're talking about, and is entirely too goddamn pleased with herself about the whole thing.

Fare la Volpe April 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

Calling a blonde white girl racist is the real racism.

LabRodent April 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

The Black guy she marries, not going to look back kindly at those prom pictures.

chicken_thief April 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

Then again, he might make her wear the damned thing…

Lascauxcaveman April 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Yeah, no, Crabman's pretty cool with whatever.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm

"That is NOT a caesarian scar! I birthed all MY babies naturally! I'll have you know that that scar is from where my prom date stabbed me!" — Joy Hickey Turner

donner_froh April 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

there has never been a greater injustice in the history of prom.

Try telling that to the guy who has to clean the back seats of the stretch limos.

James Michael Curley April 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

I dread that the teacher and principal who declared her dress “offensive and inappropriate” did so because she "dishonored the sacred symbol yada, yada, yada."

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

So, instead of going to the prom, she and her date went up and parked at Lookout Point with twelve pack of Milwaukee's Beast, and he banged her like a screen door but of course with no birth control and next January Li'l Texanna Junior is gonna come sliding down the chute. The South is gonna rise agin'!!!

Biff April 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

Well, my south is rising, if you catch my drift.

vtxmcrider April 24, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Because of the flag?

JackDempsey1 April 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

A misunderstanding—–
she's a civil war re-enactor, inanimate objects division. Her date dressed as a gatling gun.

Maman April 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

The school needs to amend their prom rules about to include a no "Stars and Bars" clause. Of course, like my girls' school they probably give the rules to the kids 2 days before prom.

fartknocker April 24, 2012 at 10:58 am

Texanna also carried a bottle of Bayer aspirin and squeezed a pill with her knees to keep herself pure. After the prom she and her date Bo-Diddly, went home and watched reruns of the TLC show "19 Kids and Counting," or in the words of Mrs. Fartknocker: "My Wife's Vagina is a Clown Car."

DaRooster April 24, 2012 at 10:58 am

"…I just thought she only said that because it would offend people.”

Yep, wouldn't want to think about how others might feel about your choices in racism. Nice statement Moran.

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 10:59 am

With a name like Texanna, her parents should be given a swift kick in the nuts/ovaries. That transcends silliness and goes straight to sheer stupidity.

mavenmaven April 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

People will do anything nowadays to get a commentator spot at Fox News…

SudsMcKenzie April 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

She has that "Jeff Gordon just crashed into a wall" air about her.

JustPixelz April 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

The strange (and yet not unexpected) part of the story is she's being home schooled. Her brother is her prom date (also not unexpected). Her mother told her the dress was a bad idea (finally, a surprise!). And "go home to change" was just out to the RV.

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

That there is one proud, brazen, strutting asshole. I mean, wow, that is some in-your-fucking-face, "look at what a belligerent asshole I am" ass-holery of the highest level. And the smirk, she is a proud, belligerent, smirking brazen asshole of Gingrichian proportions.

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

Looks to me like there's a big fat trailer-dwelling baby-spurting-out Wal-Mart shopper inside her, screaming to get out. Give it two years.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:23 pm

And by "two years", we mean, "nine months and fifteen minutes".

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 24, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Four minutes. Who needs foreplay?

fartknocker April 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

If I could give you more "p-points" I would. She looks condescending.

__kth__ April 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

Yes, also not especially hot though of nubile age

mrblifil April 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

I've met a few of these teens raised with reverence for the confederate flag. Belligerent smugness is their default mode, but only when pressed. Otherwise they pass themselves off as obedient and nice, except for maybe when a person of color passes by and they are among friends.

Redgyal April 25, 2012 at 10:09 pm

You mean like Paula Dean?

ttommyunger April 24, 2012 at 12:30 pm

…proving that if ignorance is bliss, this poor cunt is in eternal ecstasy.

donner_froh April 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

What else could you expect from someone named Texanna? I blame the parents–poor girl never had a chance.

donner_froh April 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

Nice outfit on her prom date–a Members Only jacket with a popped collar.

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

Who'd-a guessed that the douchebag lifestyle would take Tennessee by storm?

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

I think those are blue earrings, gigantic blue earrings.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Compared to the 1860s, the 1980s are downright modrun.

horsedreamer_1 April 24, 2012 at 6:02 pm

You know who else wears Members's Only?

Chichikovovich April 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

why would the principal tell her a Confederate flag dress was “offensive and inappropriate

People are jumping on this principal without knowin' all the facts. He just thought wearing the Stars and Bars as an article of clothing didn't show it the proper respect.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 11:19 am

He was just imagining what would happen to it during the inevitable after-prom gang-bang.

Guppy April 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

The school district obviously takes their rules on flag desecration very seriously.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

Except the General Lee was orange, not red.

SayItWithWookies April 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

Yeah she looked ridiculous at the prom, but a few hours before that she was a hit with the rest of the rodeo clowns.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

She's popular with the boys because everything's bigger in Texanna.

Chichikovovich April 24, 2012 at 11:14 am

That was too clever for just one thumb's up. I'll give you another when I get to the office.

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

If they wouldn't let her in the prom, where did she find a restroom to give birth in?

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 11:13 am

So, country girl asked her hillbilly daddy to give her 200 bucks for a prom dress. Pappy says sure, but you've got to give me a blowjob. She was horrified and said no way, I'll find the money myself. Well, it's getting close to the prom and she hasn't found the money. So, she steels herself and says to her daddy, OK let me have the 200 bucks. He unzips and down she goes, but immediately jumps away, spitting and choking. What's the matter, pappy says. She says, That tastes like shit!!! Pappy says, yeah, your brother wanted to borrow the car.

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:14 am

Truly vile, well-played, sir!

Veritas78 April 24, 2012 at 7:38 pm

That's not the first time this joke's been on Wonkette, but it's still funny!

ernestwhile April 24, 2012 at 11:14 am

The greatest thing about Wonkette comments is that they consistently, and comprehensively, read my mind. It's like a mental tugjob.

proudgrampa April 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

What kind of a corsage do you buy for something like that? Dandelions and crabgrass?

Redhead April 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

Anything, really – as long as it's white.

Dudleydidwrong April 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

Kudzu and skunk cabbage–gotta keep things all South. A cluster of dingleberries would be nice, also too.

Eve8Apples April 24, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Or tie a bottle of Jack Daniels to her wrist.

Generation[redacted] April 24, 2012 at 12:34 pm

A fresh hand-picked sprig of cotton, of course!

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Collard greens and kudzu?

Veritas78 April 24, 2012 at 5:47 pm

A spray of Trisomy G accented with a sprig of chlamydia is always appropriate.

ThundercatHo April 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

Girl, that dress makes your head look fat.

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

I see what you did there! Nice.

Steverino247 April 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

I think the flag dress is very appropriate in that it is symbolic of young Texanna's life. That flag represented a nation that was lost before its young life even started. It was a born loser, in other words.

BaldarTFlagass April 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

Texanna, dear, it's a prom, not a fucking Halloween dance.

prommie April 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

My favorite comment, over at the Tennessean: "The sooner the unionized public schools fail, the better."

pdiddycornchips April 24, 2012 at 11:38 am

Wait, comments? There are comments!!!

Generation[redacted] April 24, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Don't do it. The confederate flag avatars are out in force.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

"The sooner the unionized public schools fail, the better."

And that comment about public schools failing is in the future tense? Once again, the south is at least a decade behind the curve.

Veritas78 April 24, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Hoam skoaling fourevrrr!!!

Sharkey April 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

Thanks again, Obama!!!1!!!

Generation[redacted] April 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Most racially divisive President in history, according to my white Southern Facebook friends who wear confederate flag attire.

chicken_thief April 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

Texanna the attention whore should save the bars and stars part of the dress – it'll be useful for her future career in pole dancing.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

“I didn’t talk with administration because we wore rebel flags all through my four years at Gibson County,” she said.

What a pleasant environment that must be for the local blah students.

donner_froh April 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

Te giant blue starfish earrings really pull her outfit together.

Eve8Apples April 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Those are satellite dishes so she and her fella can pick-up the televised tractor pull during the dance.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

I get the feeling this dress was made out of the family's mobile home curtains.

Veritas78 April 24, 2012 at 5:42 pm

If the sewin' machine's a rockin', don't come a'knockin'!

__kth__ April 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

Texanna's future consists of either

(1) Working at Winn-Dixie while home-schooling her 3 kids while her unemployed husband drinks and watches Judge Joe Brown all day

(2) Governor of Tennessee, circa 2030

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Teensy-weensy nitpick: Her husband/brother/cousin would never watch Judge Joe Brown, as the Judge is blah.

__kth__ April 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

Infield at Bristol or Talledega, Igloo full of Bartles & James

Me_K_Cong April 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

Look. I live in the confederacy and I HATE it. But face it, it's not the dress, it's the assumed opinion behind the dress that you don't like. It's speech. Get over it. She has the right to wear it and you should be defending that right to the death.

mrblifil April 24, 2012 at 11:56 am

The school has a right to bar certain kinds of speech, according to SCOTUS. Look it up. And we have the right to revile her for the dress. That's speech too. Strange how that works ain't it? By the way I will also fight to the death for you to share your rape fantasy ideations involving buttfuckery on butter thighed teenage girls on Teh Wonkettz. So…HAVE AT IT!

Me_K_Cong April 24, 2012 at 12:18 pm

So, you agree that it's speech.

Generation[redacted] April 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm

In the same way that wearing a swastika in Germany is speech, yes.

Me_K_Cong April 24, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Really? Stars and Bars in TX = Swastika in Germany? You have to resort to a Nazi reference to defeat my free speech argument? It's not the same thing. Although you want it to be the same thing, which I can kind of understand. I voted against the stars and bars on GA's state flag.

But here's the problem. ALL high schools do these days is crap all over the constitution every chance they get. We drug test, dog sniff, ban off campus speech (Bong hits for Jesus) and now ban dresses that have some resemblance to a symbol a lot of us wish would go away. No wonder nobody has any respect for the constitution any more. Schools teach people it's crap every chance they get.

mrblifil April 24, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Um…yeah. Protected speech in certain contexts, hate speech in others. Sort of like a burning cross.

Generation[redacted] April 24, 2012 at 2:35 pm

You mean I can't burn a cross at a high school pep rally to celebrate our shared heritage? I didn't think I needed to ask permission!

Dudleydidwrong April 24, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Free speech, huh? So a butt-length white see-through spaghetti-strapped plunging neckline little dress that says "Hey! I really like my body and I want you to like it, too" worn to the prom should also be allowed because, well, it's free speech? (That's what my date wore to our senior prom. Yeah. Don't I wish…)

fuflans April 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

nobody has the right to wear THAT dress.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:33 pm

"She has the right to wear it and you should be defending that right to the death."

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech"

I haven't read ALL the comments in this thread, but I don't think anyone so far has recommended that the Federal Marshals break down the door of Texanna's trailer and drag her off to Gitmo, or that Congress pass a law forbidding her to wear a stars'n'bars prom dress; we're just saying that she's kind of an asshole.

Chichikovovich April 24, 2012 at 11:40 am

People are underestimating Texanna here. The dress was actually part of an elaborate heart-felt tribute to the late Levon Helm. After the prom they went out to the Danville train tracks to tear 'em up again. Her prom date was calling himself "Virgil Cain" for the night, and their pet nickname for his penis was "Stoneman's cavalry".

Veritas78 April 24, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Alas, one night was clearly not enough.

EloquentScience April 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

Where's skoalrebel when we need him?

Dudleydidwrong April 24, 2012 at 12:08 pm

He was her date!

Terry April 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

Once she sees who comes rushing to her defense she'll understand why she shouldn't have worn that dress.

thefrontpage April 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

From the follow-up story today in The Tennessean: "Before I attended the prom wearing the Confederate flag dress, I called up Ted Nugent and asked him what I should do," Texanna McGraw said. "Ted said that I should definately wear the dress, with a nice camoflage top and a nice Western hat and possibly a bolo tie. I love Ted Nugent! He's so warm and thoughtful and non-violent!"

Arken April 24, 2012 at 11:59 am

Be fair though, pretty much all prom dresses are offensive to the eyes.

Tundra Grifter April 24, 2012 at 12:00 pm

"Interview" (infomercial) on Sheer InSannity's radio show in 3…2…1…

Sir_Fartz_Alot April 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm

OMG!!!!!!! those earrings make her whole head sparkle

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Because of the daylight shining through it.

PubOption April 24, 2012 at 12:11 pm

From the Tennessian article
I didn’t talk with administration because we wore rebel flags all through my four years at Gibson County,” she said. “I didn’t ask for approval because I didn’t think I needed to.

Says a lot about the school, unionized or not.

Generation[redacted] April 24, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Says a lot about the South.

Veritas78 April 24, 2012 at 5:34 pm

You mean the Birthplace of Lazy Treasonous Inbred Scots-Irish Wannabe Aristocrats? That "South"?

horsedreamer_1 April 24, 2012 at 12:13 pm

As Sarah Heath has proven, why can't it be both?

horsedreamer_1 April 24, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Let me guess: this sovereign citizen who lists tort reform as one of her top three goals is seeking redress in the courts.

Veritas78 April 24, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I think she meant "twat reform."

Eve8Apples April 24, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Her date is smiling because girls who wear flag dresses are known to fly on the pole if you get my drift.

Nostrildamus April 24, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I say three cheers for principal Hughes! I imagine he's catching a lot of flack about now.

Wonderthing April 24, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Shit, if I know my racist attention whores, just give her a bottle of Everclear and a football team and she'll be out of that dress in no time. Problem solved.

ttommyunger April 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Ted Nugent had agreed to be her date (he likes 'em young, donchaknow) but he had that concert scheduled at Fort Knox, then the Army cancelled that because he is a huge asshole and wants their Commander-in-Chief killed and said so publicly (not the sharpest knife in the drawer, donchaknow) which freed him up, then they asked him to cut the ribbon at the Grand Opening of the new Dollar Tree in Bumphuk, Ark…..sooooooo……….

pdiddycornchips April 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

After learning of Ted's elaborate attempts to avoid service during the Vietnam war, the secret service gave him the an honorary code name: Chickenhawk Nancy Boy.

ttommyunger April 25, 2012 at 6:12 am

I sort of stick with fuck-face, just seems such a good fit for him.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Her parents named her "Texanna", apparently because just living in Tennessee isn't redneck *enough*. She was doomed from the start.

prommie April 24, 2012 at 12:54 pm

There is more than a whiff of O'Keefe about this.

OneYieldRegular April 24, 2012 at 12:58 pm

To paraphrase Chris Rock, she should have just worn a dress with a picture of a Saltine on the front.

FieryLocks April 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

That dress is hideous and so is she.

anniegetyerfun April 24, 2012 at 1:58 pm

“We asked why they thought that, but they kept saying the same thing over and over,” she said Monday. “We kept asking people walking inside — black and white — and everyone said they loved it. Two black women even went off on the principal. They were upset with the principal. No one was upset with me.”

Right. I'm sure any number of those black people who loved your dress would be willing to come forward and testify that you're just an all-around awesome person.

pdiddycornchips April 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

"These two black women, they were saying they loved my dress, then they took off their shoes and asked me to meet them behind the school."

fuflans April 24, 2012 at 2:14 pm

the fuck would you wear a flag dress?

Troglodeity April 24, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Her date's thought bubble: "In Dixie Land I'll make my stand …"

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Texanna, honey; give up. It didn't work for Bruce Willis in "DIe Hard", and he's about ten thousand times cooler than you'll ever be.

tessiee April 24, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Her thought bubble: "Kuh-hyuk!"

AlaskaGrrl April 24, 2012 at 4:08 pm

The little white number with the hood was at the cleaners, so you know, what was she suppose to wear?

Wile E. Quixote April 24, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I for one love people who wear Confederate flag dresses, T-shirts or trucker caps. When you're looking at them through a rifle scope surveyor's transit the crosshairs surveyor's marks on the reticle land very nicely on the center of the St. Andrew's Cross and provide an excellent aiming surveying point.

Wile E. Quixote April 24, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I think we should have a national "burn the Confederate flag" day, and if anyone objects ask them why they're so goddamned concerned about the feelings of a bunch of slave-owning, racist traitors.

DoggerelCDogg April 24, 2012 at 5:17 pm

She's fat and ugly and doesn't deserve to go to any prom. Doesn't she know proms are only for beautiful, popular girls? I can't stand people who don't know their place.

Veritas78 April 24, 2012 at 5:29 pm

The Crosshairs of Cowardice need to be a bit lower for her kinfolk to find her Sacred Twat of Treason.

criminogenic April 24, 2012 at 5:52 pm

I am Texanna… and a man.

lulzmonger April 24, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Derp Of A Nation.

rickmaci April 24, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Just another jail bait chick after Ted Nugent's heart.

glamourdammerung April 24, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Nothing a drone strike would not fix. They get to celebrate their "heritage" of being racist cretins and the U.S. gets to celebrate its heritage of beating the South like a Southern housewife. Everyone wins!

VespulaMaculata April 25, 2012 at 3:05 am

Have we found the next generation's Sarah Palin?

cloudchasersakonige April 25, 2012 at 9:58 am

"Texanna Edwards just wanted to dress up as the muscle car from “The Dukes Of Hazzard,” the General Lee."

If that were the case, she'd be wearing an orange dress with 01 on the sides and a Confederate flag on the back.

Redgyal April 25, 2012 at 9:59 pm

OK. She did it BECAUSE she knew it would offend people. Obvs

JimNauseam April 26, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Today, we're ALL Confederate prom dresses. Or something.

12X34X April 30, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Forget the dress. What is with those earrings? They look like two impaled blue birds.

BklynE May 3, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I just had a vision of the future. "There are 9,726 listings for 'Texanna'" Texanna. Which she spells thusly, with two N's, as she says, "for an extra dose of heritage." On the other hand, her complexion does allow her to pull off royal blue and bright red fairly well…

Generation[redacted] April 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I don't think you appreciate the magnitude of human rights abuses committed by the Confederacy. Nazi Germany is the closest historic parallel in terms of state-sanctioned large scale slavery, a master race, and war. So yes, as far as I'm concerned the rebel flag is our Swastika. It means the exact same thing, without ambiguity.

CapnFatback April 24, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Would the school be wrong for refusing her admittance if she showed up wearing a dress that said "Slavery is okay with me" or one that said "White people are subhuman"? She has every right to make a dress that resembles the confederate flag, but let's not pretend that that flag is not a loaded symbol that symbolizes enslavement to at the very least a certain population. Whether your intention or not, wearing it is hateful message to a historically marginalized group of people. Her free speech is not getting trampled; she's flaunting social mores in a dangerous and disrespectful manner.

I had a college student in my employ who owned a t-shirt with a picture of a pyramid on it and accompanying text that said something akin to "Slavery Gets Shit Done." I knew the young man and trusted that he didn't mean to be racially insensitive; nevertheless, I requested he not wear the shirt in our tutoring center any longer, as snark doesn't always translate. I told him that I saw the humor in the shirt but was looking to avoid harmful backlash or the potential of students feeling intimidated by a tutor whose shirt seems to be advocating for slavery. I feel justified in my decision.

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