BYE JON BYE!  2:10 pm April 23, 2012

Catholic League Declares Itself To Have Broken Jon Stewart’s Spirit

by Liz Colville

yeah that might not be sfw, sorry!

Jon Stewart performed two sold-out nights in Florida over the weekend, and the Catholic League is ALL OVER IT. Jon Stewart making Florida laugh while making fun of Florida was enough to set off a torrent of Jon Stewart Google alerts in the Catholic League’s inbox, and the organization was the thrilled to find that the Daily Show host actually mentioned them during at least one of his performances, in Clearwater. Buried deep in a (praise-filled) review of the show in the Tampa Bay Times, the reviewer writes that Stewart brought up the fact that the Catholic League has “boycotted” Stewart over his recent joke about women placing a manger between their legs to prevent medical professionals from probing into them unneccessarily. Apparently, in a “moment of seriousness” on Saturday, Jon Stewart declared that he doesn’t really care that the Catholic League has boycotted him, and that has resulted in the Catholic League thinking that it has WON!

Here is the original manger joke, from the April 16 episode, which as you can probably gather stemmed from life-size leprechaun and Rick Santorum supporter Foster Friess’s comments that “gals” in his “day” used to put an aspirin between the knees to prevent pregnancy/even having sex.

Well, the Christmas lovers weren’t too psyched! Via Yahoo! News, we have these two statements that Catholic League president Bill Donohue released last week. In them, Donohue basically gets mad that the liberal media wrote stories about Stewart’s Monday show but declined to even mention the manger joke. The nerve! So that led to the most wonderfully procrastinatory, vague and huffy statement the Catholic League could muster:

The cover-up is revealing. This episode of “The Daily Show” was done to protest Fox’s alleged indifference to the “war on women,” and in doing so Stewart not only made a vulgar attack on Christians, he objectified women. We are asking Stewart to apologize. If he does not, we will mobilize Protestants, Jews, Mormons and Muslims to join us in a boycott of his sponsors. Moreover, we will not stop with a boycott; there are other things that can be done to register our outrage. We are prepared to spend the money it takes to make this a nationwide issue, and we are prepared to stay the course. Tomorrow we will have something definitive to say, one way or the other.

Hahaha, so what happened the next day? What did they have “definitively” to say??

Our effort against Stewart includes asking his most consistent sponsors to pull their advertising (if necessary, we are not ruling out a boycott of their products), and a lengthy public relations campaign. The goal? To get him to apologize. If that doesn’t work, we can guarantee that his reputation will never be the same.

Ooooooooh!

Anyway, cut to the Clearwater event, in which Stewart is quoted by the Tampa Bay Times as saying:

I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance.

“Your” being perhaps not the Catholic League but Florida as a whole. Nonetheless, the Catholic League read this as shots fired, again, and had its BB guns at the ready for Monday morning!

Nice to know the Catholic League is on Jon Stewart’s mind. Unfortunately for him, we’re going to hang around for weeks, contacting his sponsors and religious leaders from all the major religions. We’re sending them the “vagina manger” picture he is so proud of, asking everyone to pressure Comedy Central into getting Stewart to apologize.

We really don’t need to boycott anyone as the picture is so indefensible—putting a nativity scene ornament in between the legs of a naked woman—that no one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it.

The good news is that Stewart lashed out at us in a serious moment—the e-mails that are pouring into Comedy Central are obviously getting to him. We’ll see who is branded as “ignorant” when our campaign is done.

TERRIFYING. Consider us God-fearing-fearing. [Tampa Bay Times, Yahoo! News]

 

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{ 133 comments }

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I'm sure Jon is quaking in his boot.

No, wait, that actually looks more like he's masturbating in his tube sock.

Maman April 23, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I have heard that cashmere socks are the way to go..

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Pashmina, because it's cheaper and launders better than cashmere. Also, the colors are less likely to run, leaving you with weird stains that you have to explain away in the gym lockerroom.

Um, not that I, you know, have much experience with such things.

starfanglednut April 23, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Oh actor, what are we going to do with you?

Callyson April 23, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Bad Jon! Go to my room!

starfanglednut April 23, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Ok, but send Hopey to mine.

Maman April 23, 2012 at 2:17 pm

In other news, down is the new up and black is the new white.

littlebigdaddy April 23, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"No one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it." Yup, definitively sounds like a job for the Wonketeers.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I'll take a stab at it:

Donohue wants to stab the Babby Jesus with a transvaginal wand! CHRIST-KILLER!

chicken_thief April 23, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Couldn't Donohue just claim that Jeebs was lurking around the fish camp and shoot him in the head?

GOPCrusher April 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Jeebus was wearing a hoodie and came at him with a bag of Skittles?

GhostBuggy April 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Jesus was out hunting quail with Donohue, and accidentally got in the way of the transvaginal wand.

starfanglednut April 23, 2012 at 8:57 pm

After breaking into the fish camp, Jesus went down the road and burglarised a bakery.

ThundercatHo April 23, 2012 at 9:45 pm

"What? You think that loaves and fishes just magically appear?"

Generation[redacted] April 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Jeebus is feeding the masses with magic buns and fish tacos.

Blueb4sunrise April 23, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Save the maliciously sick !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Oh man! Perfect name for my hipster thrash metal tribute band!

sullivanst April 23, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I got this cold just to spite Bill Donahue. Take that!

HippieEsq April 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I want this printed on a t-shirt. preferably one crafted from fibers of aborted baby hair.

FakaktaSouth April 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I would think that the guy who published Naked Pictures of Famous People including "Antonin Scalia's high court" (which he should kind of apologize to me for) does not care if the guy who calls himself the Catholic League is offended. At all.

BerkeleyBear April 23, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Yeah, they might want to check out a copy of America-the Book before they get on that high horse of theirs and declare victory. It is a long fall down.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I don't know how Comedy Central will cope with losing the Votive Candles R Us account

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Or the Holy Water Coolers, you know, for when office gossip gets a little steamy.

GOPCrusher April 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Those things come in handy for fighting off vampires.

not that Dewey April 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Does Prada even advertise on the Daily Show?

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm

If he doesn't apologize soon, Donohue might have to resort to (*gasp*) harsh language!!

Advn2rgirl April 23, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Heaven forefend!

starfanglednut April 23, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Bring out…the comfy chair.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Can't they just send him to Hell? Don't they have that power?

Makes you wonder what other claims organized religion makes are untrue.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:22 pm

He's Jewish

He's going anyway.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 23, 2012 at 2:26 pm

And here I thought with a name like “Stewart” he must be of Scottish extraction.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:28 pm

His really name is Leibowitz.

Like in Fawn Leibowitz, who tragically died in a kiln accident in that college documentary Animal House

Exhausted66 April 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

She was going to make me a pot.

MissTaken April 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Apparently Jon Stewart thinks he's a feminist nun.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/us/vatican-repr

Geminisunmars April 23, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I believe he is an honorary one.

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Oh, that's a manger! I thought it might be the latest in cooter accoutrements.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Manger la vagin

chicken_thief April 23, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I don't speak French – does that mean Mary had a vegan cooter?!

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

She had a little lamb. At least until the pool boy was hired.

Maman April 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm

It beats the Diamond Jubilee twat bedazzling that is all the rage in London.

SorosBot April 23, 2012 at 2:30 pm

It does look better than a bright pink furball.

Dashboard Buddha April 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Holy Family Merkins – Get yours today!

SorosBot April 23, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Oh Bill Donahue is mad and offended now? It must be a day that ends in a Y.

Wile E. Quixote April 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I could give fucking Bill Donohue something to cry about.

Baconzgood April 23, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I'm not sure that's a manger. And I've been looking really really close and jerking off.

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Yeah, but if you're "turning Japanese" you probably can't see so well through those squinted eyes.

Dashboard Buddha April 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Coffee on the keyboard now…thanks.

Biff April 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm

So this post is NOT difficult to masturbate to is what you're saying ?

niblick77 April 23, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Per chance is the Catholic League really a sham organization backed by Stewart himself to promote his show? The Catholic League comes off as phony example "we’re going to hang around for weeks" before what? Before you get bored and go home? Good job Stewart, you almost got us.

veritass April 23, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Sometimes I imagine myself 50 years from now, grandchildren on my porch, telling stories about the 'olden times. "Back in my day," I'd tell them, "I had the magnificent pleasure of watching John Stewart in his prime — He used to own ignorant chumps on the 'reg, yo. Now go get me a beer." Or something like that.

horsedreamer_1 April 23, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Will the Vagi-Manger be visited by three wisemen (Ron Jeremy, Lex Steele, Manuel Farrara)?

prommie April 23, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Shouldn't Donahoe be off defending child-molesting priests?

BarackMyWorld April 23, 2012 at 2:26 pm

WHEN WILL OBAMA DENOUNCE THIS OUTRAGE BY CAMPAIGN ADVISOR JON STEWART???

starfanglednut April 23, 2012 at 9:00 pm

11!111!!

EtchySketchy April 23, 2012 at 2:26 pm

If it was up to me, I would have removed the manger from that picture.

chicken_thief April 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

And maybe captured a little nip at the upper end, also. Too.

Wile E. Quixote April 23, 2012 at 2:26 pm

It's nice to see that Bill Donohue was able to make some time off from his busy schedule of cruising around parochial schools in his white van and offering candy to little boys to issue this statement.

Nostrildamus April 23, 2012 at 2:28 pm

God has such great spokesmen.

prommie April 23, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Whats worse than a boycott? Boy-rape?

weejee April 23, 2012 at 2:28 pm

♪♫ Cod rest ye merry working men let nothing you dismay,
Scott Walker's axed the equal pay, yer back on top to stay
To save you from the feminist's power
When you had gone astray
O tidings of Southern Comfort oh boy
Good whiskey oh boy
O tidings of Comfort & Joy ♫♪

Schmannnity April 23, 2012 at 2:28 pm

More War on Christmas Vagina.

fuflans April 23, 2012 at 2:28 pm

it seems to me that the catholic league maybe outta be getting their panties in a wad about other sex related scandals.

you know, the ones nearer their home.

Goonemeritus April 23, 2012 at 2:28 pm

This makes me miss the good old days when assholes like this spent all their time fundraising for the IRA.

Blueb4sunrise April 23, 2012 at 2:29 pm

♫Aaawwwwwwwwway, in a manger♫

Oblios_Cap April 23, 2012 at 2:29 pm

The good news is that Stewart lashed out at us in a serious moment

Much like the Afghanis are doing to us. Mysbe we should try declaring victory and going home, much like Donahue.

(Notice that I didn't use "pull out" so close to Donahue's name – I like you guys too much.)

Come here a minute April 23, 2012 at 2:29 pm

…in doing so Stewart not only made a vulgar attack on Christians, he objectified women.

He wasn't satirizing the objectification of women? Oh, well, potayto, potahto.

Maman April 23, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I love a good double entendre… manger = to eat.

Geminisunmars April 23, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Oh, I thought they were talking French about the vagina manger.

edgydrifter April 23, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Isn't that one of those shrines the Catholics like to visit on their pilgrimages? Santa Maria de Cooteria or something?

chicken_thief April 23, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Every 28 days it's closed for business, though.

GOPCrusher April 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Isn't that the place that the swallows return to?

DaRooster April 23, 2012 at 2:32 pm

"If he does not, we will mobilize Protestants, Jews, Mormons and Muslims to join us in a boycott of his sponsors."

Yes, I am sure that since you have always treated those groups with so much respect they will gladly team up with you on this issue that you feel so strongly about Catholics.

GhostBuggy April 23, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I'm pretty sure there is nothing Protestants, Jews, Mormons and Muslims like better than being bossed around by Catholics.

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Better a vagina manger than a mangy vagina.

Dashboard Buddha April 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

This gets my vote for winning the afternoon.

GOPCrusher April 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

That really needs to be on a bumper sticker.

Redgyal April 23, 2012 at 8:03 pm

That's what Summer's Eve is for.

starfanglednut April 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm

What is your av? Some kind of ibis? There are a number of bird fanatics here at teh wonkette.

Baconzgood April 23, 2012 at 2:33 pm

This isn't any where near as offensive than the posters that they have when standing out side of Planned Parenthood when I go to the Gyro place to get lunch.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 23, 2012 at 5:39 pm

You get your lunch at the Gyno place? That's just a bit creepy, IMO.

DaRooster April 23, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I wonder what Rick Santor….

Um… no I don't!

Wile E. Quixote April 23, 2012 at 2:34 pm

…that no one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it.

Says the maliciously sick old fuck who spends his days driving around in a white van offering candy to little boys at parochial schools and his nights defending the Molestosterium of the Catholic Church on Faux Noise.

chicken_thief April 23, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I'm waiting for Ann Romney and Lou Sarah to weigh in on the issue before I jump to any conclusions.

GunToting[Redacted] April 23, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Today we are all the maliciously sick.

Redhead April 23, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Today and every day, here at Wonket.

SayItWithWookies April 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

So Jon Stewart is going to suffer a boycott from bigots, misogynists, shrill nancypants sissies like Donohue, Prada-wearning Nazis, insufferable boors, the woefully underendowed, wafer-worshippers, boy-diddlers and any surviving members of my late grandma's bridge club. And if that doesn't work, they'll savage his rep. It's like me threatening to boycott a Ted Nugent concert.

Wile E. Quixote April 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Here's a great cartoon. Is it just me or does the evil pope in it look like Fat Tony Scalia.

Biff April 23, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Oh for fuck's sake, that explains so much to me about my youth! That was published by Alma White, 1st bishop of the Pillar of Fire Church, and namesake of Alma Heights Academy, my alma mater. I had no idea she was such a racist shrew, it's a miracle I got out of it relatively unscathed–there was plenty of scathing at home that I wasn't as fortunate about.

pdiddycornchips April 23, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I'm so much more angry at the Jew for putting a manger near a vagina than I ever was about the Nazi Pope or the church's history of protecting child molesters. Do I get into heaven now?

Radiotherapy April 23, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Did O'Donahue say he will join with Muslims? Why yes, he did. Terrorist.

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Catholic League fucking crucified that Jewboy comedian.

Not_So_Much April 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm

They think he's pinning his reputation on what the CDL thinks about him? Perhaps they are unfamiliar with his body of work.

Generation[redacted] April 23, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Ha ha. Catholic leauge is forwarding dirty emails to all their friends.

Wile E. Quixote April 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Have you ever noticed that most of the countries in Europe that are having debt problems are run by Catholics. Seriously, the PIIGS consist of Portugal, Catholic; Italy, pretty goddamned Catholic; Ireland, Ever so Catholic as evidenced by Bill Donohue; Greece, Greek Orthodox, which is the George W. Bush to Catholicism's Jeb Bush and Spain. In terms of economic and scientific development the Catholic countries of Europe are ass-backwards shitholes. Oh, and here's a fun fact, where did Naziism get its start. Why in Bavaria, the most Catholic and backwards region of Germany. If it weren't for the presence of the Jesuit Order Catholicism would be every bit as fucked up, shitheaded and ass-backwards as Evangelical Protestantism.

Biff April 23, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Yet Vatican City seems to be doing OK for themselves.

chascates April 23, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Bill Donohue probably believes his prayers alone are what causes the sun to rise each morning.

rickmaci April 23, 2012 at 3:07 pm

As long as we are playing the moral outrage card, perhaps Catholic League president Bill Donohue would like to share with us his condemnation of the Catholic Church for the apparent continuing coverup and sanctuary being given to pedophile priest predators? Uhh, are those crickets I hear?

glamourdammerung April 23, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Seriously, read up on some of his comments about that if you are not familiar with them.

He blames the children for it. Seriously.

Butch_Wagstaff April 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Those devil-possessed children seduced those godly men!

Redhead April 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

"that no one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it."

I'm sure the sane, NON-maliciously sick people are far to busy to defend a sarcastic photo, what with the child molesting and covering up and all.

anniegetyerfun April 23, 2012 at 3:15 pm

"Pay attention to us! Pay attention to us! Pay attention to us! Pay attention to us!"
"No."
"See? He paid attention to us! He thinks about us all the time! See? We are so important that Jon Stewart never stops thinking about us. We win! We win!"

mavenmaven April 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

The Catholic leadership was most distressed by the inherent acknowledgment that lady-parts actually exist.

TheInternet April 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

"The cover-up is revealing."

Bill Donohue: The writer's writer.

Butch_Wagstaff April 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I think Donohue needs a dictionary.

MRjonz April 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

The Catholic League taking on Jon Stewart and claiming “victory” when they get a mention in his comedy routine reminds me of an old joke about an ant who attempts to rape an elephant at a watering hole.

The ant climbs up the elephant’s leg and begins sexually assaulting it. The elephant, totally oblivious to what is occurring, suddenly sees another elephant coming down to the muddy bank of the watering hole to drink, and bellows in greeting, and then the ant says, “What’s a matter baby, am I too much for ya?”

Guppy April 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

putting a nativity scene ornament in between the legs of a naked woman… no one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it

Because there is nothing so vile as what's between a woman's legs.

Veritas78 April 23, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Aren't manger scenes kind of a celebration of what came out between a particular woman's legs?

imissopus April 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Today we are all obsessed with vaginas.

ingloriousbytch April 23, 2012 at 4:04 pm

"We are asking Stewart to apologize. If he does not, we will mobilize Protestants, Jews, Mormons and Muslims to join us in a boycott of his sponsors. "

Good luck with that, Padre. This Protestant is too busy trying to get Jon Stewart to let me play Sally Hemings to his Thomas Jefferson.

Callyson April 23, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance.

Excuse me while I go change my micro – bio at HuffyPo. Sorry for plagiarizing, Jon…

Callyson April 23, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Dammit, it's too long to fit.

stopthemovie April 23, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Is that a Brazilian manger ?

Nesnora April 23, 2012 at 4:34 pm

A whole new meaning for Catholics and "birthday sex".

glamourdammerung April 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Bill Donohue took time out of blaming raped children for "seducing" their priests to attack Jon Stewart? If I was Stewart, I would be pretty pleased about that myself.

glamourdammerung April 23, 2012 at 4:54 pm

"that no one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it."

I say the same thing about defending cretins that rape children. But there is Donohue, out there doing just that.

SolitaireRose April 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Oddly, Thomas Kinkaid died before he could say he wouldn't buy ads on The Daily Show. CONSPIRACY!!!!

fuflans April 23, 2012 at 6:08 pm

to be fair, the auto-da-fé was WAYYYY more effective than a 'consumer boycott'.

fallen from grace indeed.

fuflans April 23, 2012 at 6:09 pm

nobody expects the spanish…

boycott.

WordSaladNation April 23, 2012 at 6:10 pm

"JeVejazzled."

rocktonsam April 23, 2012 at 6:20 pm

this is good news for Christianmingle.com

RebelCountess April 23, 2012 at 6:28 pm

The SKIBBEREEN EAGLE HAS ITS EYE ON THE KAISER!

Different century, same damn genes.

valthemus April 23, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Catholic League: You could have video of Jon Stewart buggering a goat and burning an American flag while shouting quotes from Mein Kampf and downloading kiddie porn and I would still place my bets on Stewart coming out the winner (of the battle that's only taking place in your heads).

Gleem McShineys April 23, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Bill Donohue: "They made us the butt of his jokes!"

You really don't know female anatomy very well do you, Mr. Donohue? THAT IS NOT A BUTT

starfanglednut April 23, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Yes, there's a bunch of us. Welcome.

Redgyal April 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Thanks, but I'm just a new version of an old Wonketteer.

BZ1 April 23, 2012 at 10:00 pm

please do spend your money on a useless campaign against a comedy show, the less to spend on the real campaign …

CessnaDriver April 23, 2012 at 10:47 pm

A few years back:

Jon Stewart's Easter Message of Love and Support to the Christians:

"I didn't fucking kill your fucking savior!"

DahBoner April 24, 2012 at 1:42 pm

The Italians did it.

//Say, that's a nice savior ya got there, "Virgin" Mary. Be a shame if anything were to 'happen' to him…

billy_reuben April 23, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Covering up a ghastly naked lady hoo-haw with the Lord Baby Jesus?! This kind outrageous blasphemy CANNOT STAND, I sez! In keeping with tradition, Baby Jesus belongs squarely planted in the sweaty, hairy cleft of a beefy manhole. Just a little bit of extra consieration would have traumatized Bill Donahue's delicate sensibilities far less, and we could have avoided all this unpleasantness.

ttommyunger April 23, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Hmmmmm. I thought a "League" consisted of more than one of something, even florid crackpots.

Jukesgrrl April 24, 2012 at 12:51 am

That manger is so last year. I've got a vajazzled Virgin of Guadalupe.

DahBoner April 24, 2012 at 12:30 pm

A Cat-holic is someone addicted to LOL Cats or into cat licking, I can't remember…???

WonkCynic April 25, 2012 at 3:43 am

Nevermind the Catholics! Embrace your Muslin nigga prez! After King Obarmer implements sharia he's going to give mandatory abortions and sterilization to all Liberal bloggers! Nothing like a warm fuzzy burka to make a bitch feel her King's love. Word to your Mullah!

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