bye jon bye!

Catholic League Declares Itself To Have Broken Jon Stewart’s Spirit

yeah that might not be sfw, sorry!

Jon Stewart performed two sold-out nights in Florida over the weekend, and the Catholic League is ALL OVER IT. Jon Stewart making Florida laugh while making fun of Florida was enough to set off a torrent of Jon Stewart Google alerts in the Catholic League’s inbox, and the organization was the thrilled to find that the Daily Show host actually mentioned them during at least one of his performances, in Clearwater. Buried deep in a (praise-filled) review of the show in the Tampa Bay Times, the reviewer writes that Stewart brought up the fact that the Catholic League has “boycotted” Stewart over his recent joke about women placing a manger between their legs to prevent medical professionals from probing into them unneccessarily. Apparently, in a “moment of seriousness” on Saturday, Jon Stewart declared that he doesn’t really care that the Catholic League has boycotted him, and that has resulted in the Catholic League thinking that it has WON!

Here is the original manger joke, from the April 16 episode, which as you can probably gather stemmed from life-size leprechaun and Rick Santorum supporter Foster Friess’s comments that “gals” in his “day” used to put an aspirin between the knees to prevent pregnancy/even having sex.

Well, the Christmas lovers weren’t too psyched! Via Yahoo! News, we have these two statements that Catholic League president Bill Donohue released last week. In them, Donohue basically gets mad that the liberal media wrote stories about Stewart’s Monday show but declined to even mention the manger joke. The nerve! So that led to the most wonderfully procrastinatory, vague and huffy statement the Catholic League could muster:

The cover-up is revealing. This episode of “The Daily Show” was done to protest Fox’s alleged indifference to the “war on women,” and in doing so Stewart not only made a vulgar attack on Christians, he objectified women. We are asking Stewart to apologize. If he does not, we will mobilize Protestants, Jews, Mormons and Muslims to join us in a boycott of his sponsors. Moreover, we will not stop with a boycott; there are other things that can be done to register our outrage. We are prepared to spend the money it takes to make this a nationwide issue, and we are prepared to stay the course. Tomorrow we will have something definitive to say, one way or the other.

Hahaha, so what happened the next day? What did they have “definitively” to say??

Our effort against Stewart includes asking his most consistent sponsors to pull their advertising (if necessary, we are not ruling out a boycott of their products), and a lengthy public relations campaign. The goal? To get him to apologize. If that doesn’t work, we can guarantee that his reputation will never be the same.


Anyway, cut to the Clearwater event, in which Stewart is quoted by the Tampa Bay Times as saying:

I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance.

“Your” being perhaps not the Catholic League but Florida as a whole. Nonetheless, the Catholic League read this as shots fired, again, and had its BB guns at the ready for Monday morning!

Nice to know the Catholic League is on Jon Stewart’s mind. Unfortunately for him, we’re going to hang around for weeks, contacting his sponsors and religious leaders from all the major religions. We’re sending them the “vagina manger” picture he is so proud of, asking everyone to pressure Comedy Central into getting Stewart to apologize.

We really don’t need to boycott anyone as the picture is so indefensible—putting a nativity scene ornament in between the legs of a naked woman—that no one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it.

The good news is that Stewart lashed out at us in a serious moment—the e-mails that are pouring into Comedy Central are obviously getting to him. We’ll see who is branded as “ignorant” when our campaign is done.

TERRIFYING. Consider us God-fearing-fearing. [Tampa Bay Times, Yahoo! News]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville
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      1. actor212

        Pashmina, because it's cheaper and launders better than cashmere. Also, the colors are less likely to run, leaving you with weird stains that you have to explain away in the gym lockerroom.

        Um, not that I, you know, have much experience with such things.

  1. littlebigdaddy

    "No one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it." Yup, definitively sounds like a job for the Wonketeers.

      1. chicken_thief

        Couldn't Donohue just claim that Jeebs was lurking around the fish camp and shoot him in the head?

          1. GhostBuggy

            Jesus was out hunting quail with Donohue, and accidentally got in the way of the transvaginal wand.

    1. HippieEsq

      I want this printed on a t-shirt. preferably one crafted from fibers of aborted baby hair.

  2. FakaktaSouth

    I would think that the guy who published Naked Pictures of Famous People including "Antonin Scalia's high court" (which he should kind of apologize to me for) does not care if the guy who calls himself the Catholic League is offended. At all.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Yeah, they might want to check out a copy of America-the Book before they get on that high horse of theirs and declare victory. It is a long fall down.

  3. Doktor StrangeZoom

    I don't know how Comedy Central will cope with losing the Votive Candles R Us account

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    If he doesn't apologize soon, Donohue might have to resort to (*gasp*) harsh language!!

  5. V572 Fehrnstrom

    Can't they just send him to Hell? Don't they have that power?

    Makes you wonder what other claims organized religion makes are untrue.

      1. V572 Fehrnstrom

        And here I thought with a name like “Stewart” he must be of Scottish extraction.

        1. actor212

          His really name is Leibowitz.

          Like in Fawn Leibowitz, who tragically died in a kiln accident in that college documentary Animal House

  6. Baconzgood

    I'm not sure that's a manger. And I've been looking really really close and jerking off.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, but if you're "turning Japanese" you probably can't see so well through those squinted eyes.

  7. niblick77

    Per chance is the Catholic League really a sham organization backed by Stewart himself to promote his show? The Catholic League comes off as phony example "we’re going to hang around for weeks" before what? Before you get bored and go home? Good job Stewart, you almost got us.

  8. veritass

    Sometimes I imagine myself 50 years from now, grandchildren on my porch, telling stories about the 'olden times. "Back in my day," I'd tell them, "I had the magnificent pleasure of watching John Stewart in his prime — He used to own ignorant chumps on the 'reg, yo. Now go get me a beer." Or something like that.

  9. horsedreamer_1

    Will the Vagi-Manger be visited by three wisemen (Ron Jeremy, Lex Steele, Manuel Farrara)?

  10. Wile E. Quixote

    It's nice to see that Bill Donohue was able to make some time off from his busy schedule of cruising around parochial schools in his white van and offering candy to little boys to issue this statement.

  11. weejee

    ♪♫ Cod rest ye merry working men let nothing you dismay,
    Scott Walker's axed the equal pay, yer back on top to stay
    To save you from the feminist's power
    When you had gone astray
    O tidings of Southern Comfort oh boy
    Good whiskey oh boy
    O tidings of Comfort & Joy ♫♪

  12. fuflans

    it seems to me that the catholic league maybe outta be getting their panties in a wad about other sex related scandals.

    you know, the ones nearer their home.

  13. Goonemeritus

    This makes me miss the good old days when assholes like this spent all their time fundraising for the IRA.

  14. Oblios_Cap

    The good news is that Stewart lashed out at us in a serious moment

    Much like the Afghanis are doing to us. Mysbe we should try declaring victory and going home, much like Donahue.

    (Notice that I didn't use "pull out" so close to Donahue's name – I like you guys too much.)

  15. Come here a minute

    …in doing so Stewart not only made a vulgar attack on Christians, he objectified women.

    He wasn't satirizing the objectification of women? Oh, well, potayto, potahto.

  16. edgydrifter

    Isn't that one of those shrines the Catholics like to visit on their pilgrimages? Santa Maria de Cooteria or something?

  17. DaRooster

    "If he does not, we will mobilize Protestants, Jews, Mormons and Muslims to join us in a boycott of his sponsors."

    Yes, I am sure that since you have always treated those groups with so much respect they will gladly team up with you on this issue that you feel so strongly about Catholics.

    1. GhostBuggy

      I'm pretty sure there is nothing Protestants, Jews, Mormons and Muslims like better than being bossed around by Catholics.

  18. Baconzgood

    This isn't any where near as offensive than the posters that they have when standing out side of Planned Parenthood when I go to the Gyro place to get lunch.

  19. Wile E. Quixote

    …that no one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it.

    Says the maliciously sick old fuck who spends his days driving around in a white van offering candy to little boys at parochial schools and his nights defending the Molestosterium of the Catholic Church on Faux Noise.

  20. chicken_thief

    I'm waiting for Ann Romney and Lou Sarah to weigh in on the issue before I jump to any conclusions.

  21. SayItWithWookies

    So Jon Stewart is going to suffer a boycott from bigots, misogynists, shrill nancypants sissies like Donohue, Prada-wearning Nazis, insufferable boors, the woefully underendowed, wafer-worshippers, boy-diddlers and any surviving members of my late grandma's bridge club. And if that doesn't work, they'll savage his rep. It's like me threatening to boycott a Ted Nugent concert.

    1. Biff

      Oh for fuck's sake, that explains so much to me about my youth! That was published by Alma White, 1st bishop of the Pillar of Fire Church, and namesake of Alma Heights Academy, my alma mater. I had no idea she was such a racist shrew, it's a miracle I got out of it relatively unscathed–there was plenty of scathing at home that I wasn't as fortunate about.

  22. pdiddycornchips

    I'm so much more angry at the Jew for putting a manger near a vagina than I ever was about the Nazi Pope or the church's history of protecting child molesters. Do I get into heaven now?

  23. Not_So_Much

    They think he's pinning his reputation on what the CDL thinks about him? Perhaps they are unfamiliar with his body of work.

  24. Wile E. Quixote

    Have you ever noticed that most of the countries in Europe that are having debt problems are run by Catholics. Seriously, the PIIGS consist of Portugal, Catholic; Italy, pretty goddamned Catholic; Ireland, Ever so Catholic as evidenced by Bill Donohue; Greece, Greek Orthodox, which is the George W. Bush to Catholicism's Jeb Bush and Spain. In terms of economic and scientific development the Catholic countries of Europe are ass-backwards shitholes. Oh, and here's a fun fact, where did Naziism get its start. Why in Bavaria, the most Catholic and backwards region of Germany. If it weren't for the presence of the Jesuit Order Catholicism would be every bit as fucked up, shitheaded and ass-backwards as Evangelical Protestantism.

  25. chascates

    Bill Donohue probably believes his prayers alone are what causes the sun to rise each morning.

  26. rickmaci

    As long as we are playing the moral outrage card, perhaps Catholic League president Bill Donohue would like to share with us his condemnation of the Catholic Church for the apparent continuing coverup and sanctuary being given to pedophile priest predators? Uhh, are those crickets I hear?

  27. Redhead

    "that no one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it."

    I'm sure the sane, NON-maliciously sick people are far to busy to defend a sarcastic photo, what with the child molesting and covering up and all.

  28. anniegetyerfun

    "Pay attention to us! Pay attention to us! Pay attention to us! Pay attention to us!"
    "See? He paid attention to us! He thinks about us all the time! See? We are so important that Jon Stewart never stops thinking about us. We win! We win!"

  29. mavenmaven

    The Catholic leadership was most distressed by the inherent acknowledgment that lady-parts actually exist.

  30. MRjonz

    The Catholic League taking on Jon Stewart and claiming “victory” when they get a mention in his comedy routine reminds me of an old joke about an ant who attempts to rape an elephant at a watering hole.

    The ant climbs up the elephant’s leg and begins sexually assaulting it. The elephant, totally oblivious to what is occurring, suddenly sees another elephant coming down to the muddy bank of the watering hole to drink, and bellows in greeting, and then the ant says, “What’s a matter baby, am I too much for ya?”

  31. Guppy

    putting a nativity scene ornament in between the legs of a naked woman… no one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it

    Because there is nothing so vile as what's between a woman's legs.

    1. Veritas78

      Aren't manger scenes kind of a celebration of what came out between a particular woman's legs?

  32. ingloriousbytch

    "We are asking Stewart to apologize. If he does not, we will mobilize Protestants, Jews, Mormons and Muslims to join us in a boycott of his sponsors. "

    Good luck with that, Padre. This Protestant is too busy trying to get Jon Stewart to let me play Sally Hemings to his Thomas Jefferson.

  33. Callyson

    I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance.

    Excuse me while I go change my micro – bio at HuffyPo. Sorry for plagiarizing, Jon…

  34. glamourdammerung

    Bill Donohue took time out of blaming raped children for "seducing" their priests to attack Jon Stewart? If I was Stewart, I would be pretty pleased about that myself.

  35. glamourdammerung

    "that no one save the maliciously sick would even try to defend it."

    I say the same thing about defending cretins that rape children. But there is Donohue, out there doing just that.

  36. SolitaireRose

    Oddly, Thomas Kinkaid died before he could say he wouldn't buy ads on The Daily Show. CONSPIRACY!!!!

  37. fuflans

    to be fair, the auto-da-fé was WAYYYY more effective than a 'consumer boycott'.

    fallen from grace indeed.

  38. valthemus

    Catholic League: You could have video of Jon Stewart buggering a goat and burning an American flag while shouting quotes from Mein Kampf and downloading kiddie porn and I would still place my bets on Stewart coming out the winner (of the battle that's only taking place in your heads).

  39. Gleem McShineys

    Bill Donohue: "They made us the butt of his jokes!"

    You really don't know female anatomy very well do you, Mr. Donohue? THAT IS NOT A BUTT

  40. BZ1

    please do spend your money on a useless campaign against a comedy show, the less to spend on the real campaign …

  41. CessnaDriver

    A few years back:

    Jon Stewart's Easter Message of Love and Support to the Christians:

    "I didn't fucking kill your fucking savior!"

    1. DahBoner

      The Italians did it.

      //Say, that's a nice savior ya got there, "Virgin" Mary. Be a shame if anything were to 'happen' to him…

  42. billy_reuben

    Covering up a ghastly naked lady hoo-haw with the Lord Baby Jesus?! This kind outrageous blasphemy CANNOT STAND, I sez! In keeping with tradition, Baby Jesus belongs squarely planted in the sweaty, hairy cleft of a beefy manhole. Just a little bit of extra consieration would have traumatized Bill Donahue's delicate sensibilities far less, and we could have avoided all this unpleasantness.

  43. ttommyunger

    Hmmmmm. I thought a "League" consisted of more than one of something, even florid crackpots.

  44. WonkCynic

    Nevermind the Catholics! Embrace your Muslin nigga prez! After King Obarmer implements sharia he's going to give mandatory abortions and sterilization to all Liberal bloggers! Nothing like a warm fuzzy burka to make a bitch feel her King's love. Word to your Mullah!

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