CHECK OUT THOSE BEARDS  12:10 pm April 23, 2012

Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-The Taliban) Gets No Respect From Afghanistan

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Dana Rohrabacher with his best friends forever“Surfin’ Congressman” Dana Rohrabacher is apparently up to his old tricks, just cold bashin’ Afghanistan and explaining why Hamid Karzai needs to let more warlords help him run their gubmint, and Karzai, he is not pleased by this, and he will not let Rohrabacher into the country! Hey, Ol’ Clown Shoes can’t get no respect!

But did you know poor Rohrabacher — much loved in Orange County, California, for being hilariously drunk all the time, including almost sliding from his barstool one night at the same time your editrix had the rare privilege of speaking the never-before uttered words, “Congressman Rohrabacher, this is Jan from the Vandals” — is also a huge Taliban lover and has been writing odes on their beauty forever? Did you know he once said of the Taliban “These gentlemen are the equivalent of America’s founding fathers”? Cause yeah, he totally did that.

Here is why mean old Karzai won’t let Dana come surf in Kandahar:

According to the Guardian, Rohrabacher “has been in discussion with Afghan leaders for several months about a less centralised form of government” and Afghan government officials in January criticized Rohrabacher for meeting with Afghan opposition leaders in Berlin.

According to a State Department cable released by Wikileaks, Rohrabacher as early as 2003 pushed Karzai to incorporate more warlords into his government, telling the Afghan president that he preferred “a federalist decentralization of power.” The Guardian reports that Rohrabacher “became personal friends with many of the commanders” fighting the Soviet Union in the 1980s.

Did he ever! Here he is in 1996:

The potential rise to power of the Taliban does not alarm Rohrabacher, because the Taliban could provide stability in an area where chaos was creating a real threat to the U.S. Rohrabacher says that under the previous situation Afghanistan was becoming a major source of drugs and a haven for terrorists “an anarchistic state of narco-terrorism.” In contrast, the Taliban leaders have already shown that they intend to establish a disciplined, moral society.

Rohrabacher calls the sensational media reporting of the “harsh” imposition of strict Islamic behavior, with the underlying implication that this somehow threatens the West, “nonsense.” He says the Taliban are devout traditionalists, not terrorists or revolutionaries, and, in contrast to the Iranians, they do not seem intent on exporting their beliefs.

He continued mooning over them just a few months before the 9/11 attacks.

“On April 11, 2001, Rohrabacher traveled with [Khaled] Saffuri and others from Washington, D.C. to meet in Qatar with Taliban leader Mullah Wakil Ahmed Muttawakil. The regime that was protecting bin Laden from U.S. intelligence operations wanted Rohrabacher to help increase U.S. aid to it, at the time already more than $100 million annually. Rohrabacher emerged from those meetings to tell Middle East news media that the meeting had been “frank and open” and that the Taliban leaders were “thoughtful and inquisitive” as well as “flexible.”

In case you were wondering, Dana now likes to take credit for having fought the Taliban, and calling everyone else (cough Bill Clinton cough) Taliban-lovers instead of the other way around, because he is lying because his lips are moving. Also one night he told us lots of funny stories about Prague in 1968 and Vietnam in 1967, where he had journeyed as a “student” or a “journalist” or something else equally innocuous, like maybe a “Cold War spook,” because he is apparently just as good at stemming the tide of Communism as he is in judging character.

[ThinkProgress/Washington-Report/OCWeekly]

 
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{ 83 comments }

Baconzgood April 23, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Taliban moral society= Stoning a woman to death for getting raped. *rolling eyes* Fucking douch bags.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 12:15 pm

So basically it's just a bit worse than Stand Your Ground?

Biff April 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm

It's a god-given right, according to the NRA ( National Rock Association).

horsedreamer_1 April 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Crack cocaine &/or Steven Adler Libel!!!

V572 Fehrnstrom April 23, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Plus those Afghan ladiez had better not go to school. Or whistle on the street on their way there.

Truly, the Taliban are worse than douch bags. They're colostom bags. [Ha ha, now you can't fix it]

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Maybe he needs to change his name from a woman's name to something more manly.

How about "Creamcup" or "Mandi"?

Callyson April 23, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I'll settle for "Former Congressperson Dana Rohrabacher."

Radiotherapy April 23, 2012 at 12:16 pm

“Cold War spook,”

Wait, he's a blah??!?

UnholyMoses April 23, 2012 at 12:16 pm

" … the Taliban evangelicals in America are devout traditionalists, not terrorists or revolutionaries, and, in contrast to the IraniansThose Not Like Them, they do not seem intent on exporting their beliefs.

Fixed so that people 20 years from now can use it to show how fucking wrong some folks were in the early 2000s. Ya know, just like they were in the 1990s … and 1980s … and 1970s … and 1960s … and …

weejee April 23, 2012 at 12:17 pm

♪♫ Hey Mr. Tali-ban give Dana's warlords the banana
Karzai's gettin' soft if yer wantin' to go home ♫♪

Baconzgood April 23, 2012 at 12:17 pm

"Rohrabacher calls the sensational media reporting of the “harsh” imposition of strict Islamic behavior, with the underlying implication that this somehow threatens the West, “nonsense.” He says the Taliban are devout traditionalists, not terrorists or revolutionaries, and… they do not seem intent on exporting their beliefs."

Muther fucker Dana droped the ball on that more than Brandon Marshall.

freakishlywrong April 23, 2012 at 12:33 pm

You're missing a "p". So here's one..

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 12:17 pm

"the Taliban could provide stability in an area where chaos was creating a real threat to the U.S."

Funny, that's just what we said about the Shah of Iran, Saddam Hussein, and Hosni Mubarak.

Baconzgood April 23, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Pinochet…Noreaga…Franco…etc..etc..

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I thought the constitution delegated the power to conduct foreign relations to the president, not the congress.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 12:22 pm

You and your silly "Constitution"…BTW, what makes you think Rohrabacher ISN'T President?

In his mind, I'm sure he is!

fuflans April 23, 2012 at 5:52 pm

the president is a near.

Callyson April 23, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Too bad Governor Brown can't follow suit and ban Dana Rohrabacher from entering California.

mavenmaven April 23, 2012 at 12:20 pm

He thinks setting up right wing warlord turfs would be good for America. Stand-Your-Ground-militia programs. Like a new Black Legion http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Legion_%28poli

fartknocker April 23, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Oh goody, another in-house expert. Look how well Afghanistan worked out when Texas Representative Charlie Wilson gave American weapon systems to the Mujahideen.

Come here a minute April 23, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Those hijackers were just misunderstood — deep down they were really good kids.

Baconzgood April 23, 2012 at 12:21 pm

"I've always been at war with the Taliban"

-George Orwell-

HobbesEvilTwin April 23, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton relayed Karzai’s message to Rohrabacher who, according to his spokesperson, obliged “out of respect.”

how "respectful" of the good congressman.

Radiotherapy April 23, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Rebecca, you certainly do live in one fucked up county to have elected this clueless twat.

Generation[redacted] April 23, 2012 at 12:40 pm

The Fundamentalist Republic of Orangecountistan.

commiegirl April 23, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Nah mang I don't live there anymore. I worked there for 12 years though. THE BEST OF TIMES!

freakishlywrong April 23, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-The Taliban) Gets No Respect From Freakishstan neither. Haruuumph.

OC_Surf_Serf April 23, 2012 at 12:24 pm

As an OC taxpayer and voter can I just take a few moments to mention that Congressman Dana Rohrabacher is an enormous asshole?

Lascauxcaveman April 23, 2012 at 12:38 pm

If you don't mind redundancy.

weejee April 23, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Too many citrus suppositories from local bidness?

Schmannnity April 23, 2012 at 12:24 pm

“These gentlemen are the equivalent of America’s founding fathers”

That's because that's what they were when Reagan was arming them (and their benefactor, Osama bin Laden) and they were known as freedom fighting Mujahadin.

Lascauxcaveman April 23, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I has a confuzed. I thought Regan was talking about the murderous nun-rapers in El Salvador when he said that.

Surely a sharp guy Ronnie can't have made that mistake twice?

Schmannnity April 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Easy to confuse. Murderous nun rapers = patriots. Taliban = Founding Fathers. Didn't you get the Luntz memo?

horsedreamer_1 April 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm

& they say Obama is at war with Catholicism.

Now, I ask, where was a young parish priest Timothy Dolan when Reagan's CIA was raping (admittedly, brown; possibly indigenous, even) nuns? Well, eh, you see, Tim Dolan & his Rightwing Radio broadcaster brother were voting for Reagan.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 23, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Beat me to it.

Reagan also said that the Muj were the moral equivalent of the founding fathers.

RedneckMuslin April 23, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Shouldn't Seal Team 6 be at the ready?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 23, 2012 at 12:26 pm

You know who else was just a devout traditionalist?

RedneckMuslin April 23, 2012 at 12:27 pm

John Brown?

Radiotherapy April 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm

The fiddler on the roof?

Come here a minute April 23, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Jan from the Vandals?

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 23, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Nazi Pope?

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Ayatollah Khomeini?

Generation[redacted] April 23, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Hardworking Stay at Home Mom Ann Romney?

horsedreamer_1 April 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Jack Gillis?

CthuNHu April 23, 2012 at 2:30 pm

The Apostle Paul?

edgydrifter April 23, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Rebecca knows The Vandals? SKWEEE!!! (that's a manly, punk expression of elation–not the awful sparkle-vampire girly kind).

Doktor StrangeZoom April 23, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Seems odd to me that she'd make such a big deal about the University of Idaho mascot.

Now the Saxons…they really knew all the Angles.

Texan_Bulldog April 23, 2012 at 12:26 pm

What's it say about you that you aren't wanted in a country that's as fucked up as Afghanistan?

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Karzai should let him in the country, then drop his ass out of a helicopter out in the wilds of Helmand province. See what happens.

SockBunny April 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

You're my dreamweaver.

DaRooster April 23, 2012 at 12:27 pm

"…Taliban leaders have already shown that they intend to establish a disciplined, moral society."

A disciplined and moral society?? That's what some folks here are working toward right? This should work out just fine… after all… we are such a loving, close knit country.

Blueb4sunrise April 23, 2012 at 12:27 pm

….less centralised form of government….

PROVINCE RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's in the Constitution!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Article One Hundred and thirty seven
Ch. 8. Art. 2

The government, while preserving the principle of centralism, shall – in accordance with the law – delegate certain authorities to local administration units for the purpose of expediting and promoting economic, social, and cultural affairs, and increasing the participation of people in the development of the nation.

http://www.afghan-web.com/politics/current_consti

Radiotherapy April 23, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Celebrate Your 137th Right!!1! This weekend at the Kabul Expo Gun Show!

Blueb4sunrise April 23, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Stand your ground!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Generation[redacted] April 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

It's only natural that people start looking to those 137th Amendment Remedies.

Callyson April 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Last June, Iraqi government officials kicked Rohrabacher out of Iraq after the Californian Republican said Iraq should repay the United States for the war President Bush started there in 2003. While members of his own party criticized him for the remarks, Rohrabacher remained unapologetic. “There’s nothing wrong with suggesting that the people who have benefited from our benevolence should consider repaying us for what we have given them,” he said.

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 23, 2012 at 12:41 pm

What are "OC Republican Congressmen," Alex.

Baconzgood April 23, 2012 at 12:41 pm

“There’s nothing wrong with suggesting that the people who have benefited from our volence should consider repaying us for what we have given them,”

FIXED

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

“There’s nothing wrong with suggesting that the people who have benefited from our benevolence should consider repaying us for what we have given them,”

Your move, KBR/Halliburton/Blackwater/Lockheed/Boeing etc etc etc.

horsedreamer_1 April 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Hey, it worked out for the Haitians.

SorosBot April 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm

By giving aid and comfort to the Taliban, he's being Reaganesque.

MissTaken April 23, 2012 at 12:45 pm

It's the tragic mix of California and Republican. All the sunshine we get grows a special kind of asshole.

See also: Issa, Darrell

MissTaken April 23, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I love the smell of treason in the morning.

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 23, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Charlie-ban don't surf!

Doktor StrangeZoom April 23, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Rohrabacher was always my least favorite of the Watchmen.

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm

None of you seem to understand. I didn't vote for you. You voted for *ME*!

Exhausted66 April 23, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Not allowed in?
Maybe he failed a Rohrabacher Test.

PubOption April 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm

That would leave a blot on his reputation.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 23, 2012 at 12:48 pm

This reminds me of that Tom Hanks movie, Charlie Dildo's War

donner_froh April 23, 2012 at 12:49 pm

“There’s nothing wrong with suggesting that the people who have benefited from our benevolence should consider repaying us for what we have given them,”

They might decide to repay Amerikkka in kind: mass slaughter, destruction of art and culture, random bombings and drone strikes. Nice going, Dana.

elburritodeluxe April 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

If only he didn't have a girl's name…

ttommyunger April 23, 2012 at 1:04 pm

This lisping lardass is wrong almost as much as Little Billy Krystal. This article is one small case in point.

Guppy April 23, 2012 at 1:10 pm

a less centralised form of government

Otherwise known as "anarchy."

SockBunny April 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Dana and his buddy Jesse Helms effectively ended the NEA's individual artists grant (though small $, was always a big 'credibility' boost). And yet when Huntington Beach opened their new plaza with artwork designed by 2 who-got-the-despicable-grants, Rohrf*cker was front 'n center like the duplicitous scumbag he is.

Now that we know how, can we keep him out of California too?

el_donaldo April 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

The editrix has enormous reserve. If I ran across Rohrbacher in a bar, I'd have a hard time not buying a drink just so I could throw it in his face.

horsedreamer_1 April 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"What are you trying to be — Superspade?"

(This, mor than any other line in Gran Turino, makes the drink emerge from the wrong hole.)

Maman April 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Nothing says "Founding Father" more than acid attacks on little girls for trying to read.

horsedreamer_1 April 23, 2012 at 1:49 pm

A less centralized government? You mean, a Confederate States of South Asia?

You mean, slavery will be legal?

… Does cotton grow in AfPak? — every member of Augusta National Golf Club ever

Wile E. Quixote April 23, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Fuck, let his ass into the country and send him out into the hinterlands with an Afghani security detail, but first tell them that he's Jewish and likes to wipe his ass with the Koran after eating huge meals consisting of nothing but pork.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 23, 2012 at 5:16 pm

"they do not seem intent on exporting their beliefs."

I think you need just a teeny bit more editing there.

fuflans April 23, 2012 at 5:57 pm

the fuck's orange county doing with a foreign policy? don't they have enough trouble with the furrins right there at home? don't need to go half way round the planet to find more…

BZ1 April 23, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA) was on Bill Maher, what a doofus, truly scary stupid …

lulzmonger November 16, 2012 at 11:48 pm

This is TERRIBLE news for TalibanPAC!

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