Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-The Taliban) Gets No Respect From Afghanistan

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Dana Rohrabacher with his best friends forever“Surfin’ Congressman” Dana Rohrabacher is apparently up to his old tricks, just cold bashin’ Afghanistan and explaining why Hamid Karzai needs to let more warlords help him run their gubmint, and Karzai, he is not pleased by this, and he will not let Rohrabacher into the country! Hey, Ol’ Clown Shoes can’t get no respect!

But did you know poor Rohrabacher — much loved in Orange County, California, for being hilariously drunk all the time, including almost sliding from his barstool one night at the same time your editrix had the rare privilege of speaking the never-before uttered words, “Congressman Rohrabacher, this is Jan from the Vandals” — is also a huge Taliban lover and has been writing odes on their beauty forever? Did you know he once said of the Taliban “These gentlemen are the equivalent of America’s founding fathers”? Cause yeah, he totally did that.

Here is why mean old Karzai won’t let Dana come surf in Kandahar:

According to the Guardian, Rohrabacher “has been in discussion with Afghan leaders for several months about a less centralised form of government” and Afghan government officials in January criticized Rohrabacher for meeting with Afghan opposition leaders in Berlin.

According to a State Department cable released by Wikileaks, Rohrabacher as early as 2003 pushed Karzai to incorporate more warlords into his government, telling the Afghan president that he preferred “a federalist decentralization of power.” The Guardian reports that Rohrabacher “became personal friends with many of the commanders” fighting the Soviet Union in the 1980s.

Did he ever! Here he is in 1996:

The potential rise to power of the Taliban does not alarm Rohrabacher, because the Taliban could provide stability in an area where chaos was creating a real threat to the U.S. Rohrabacher says that under the previous situation Afghanistan was becoming a major source of drugs and a haven for terrorists “an anarchistic state of narco-terrorism.” In contrast, the Taliban leaders have already shown that they intend to establish a disciplined, moral society.

Rohrabacher calls the sensational media reporting of the “harsh” imposition of strict Islamic behavior, with the underlying implication that this somehow threatens the West, “nonsense.” He says the Taliban are devout traditionalists, not terrorists or revolutionaries, and, in contrast to the Iranians, they do not seem intent on exporting their beliefs.

He continued mooning over them just a few months before the 9/11 attacks.

“On April 11, 2001, Rohrabacher traveled with [Khaled] Saffuri and others from Washington, D.C. to meet in Qatar with Taliban leader Mullah Wakil Ahmed Muttawakil. The regime that was protecting bin Laden from U.S. intelligence operations wanted Rohrabacher to help increase U.S. aid to it, at the time already more than $100 million annually. Rohrabacher emerged from those meetings to tell Middle East news media that the meeting had been “frank and open” and that the Taliban leaders were “thoughtful and inquisitive” as well as “flexible.”

In case you were wondering, Dana now likes to take credit for having fought the Taliban, and calling everyone else (cough Bill Clinton cough) Taliban-lovers instead of the other way around, because he is lying because his lips are moving. Also one night he told us lots of funny stories about Prague in 1968 and Vietnam in 1967, where he had journeyed as a “student” or a “journalist” or something else equally innocuous, like maybe a “Cold War spook,” because he is apparently just as good at stemming the tide of Communism as he is in judging character.

[ThinkProgress/Washington-Report/OCWeekly]

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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83 comments

  1. Baconzgood

    Taliban moral society= Stoning a woman to death for getting raped. *rolling eyes* Fucking douch bags.

    1. V572 Fehrnstrom

      Plus those Afghan ladiez had better not go to school. Or whistle on the street on their way there.

      Truly, the Taliban are worse than douch bags. They're colostom bags. [Ha ha, now you can't fix it]

  2. UnholyMoses

    " … the Taliban evangelicals in America are devout traditionalists, not terrorists or revolutionaries, and, in contrast to the IraniansThose Not Like Them, they do not seem intent on exporting their beliefs.

    Fixed so that people 20 years from now can use it to show how fucking wrong some folks were in the early 2000s. Ya know, just like they were in the 1990s … and 1980s … and 1970s … and 1960s … and …

  3. Baconzgood

    "Rohrabacher calls the sensational media reporting of the “harsh” imposition of strict Islamic behavior, with the underlying implication that this somehow threatens the West, “nonsense.” He says the Taliban are devout traditionalists, not terrorists or revolutionaries, and… they do not seem intent on exporting their beliefs."

    Muther fucker Dana droped the ball on that more than Brandon Marshall.

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    "the Taliban could provide stability in an area where chaos was creating a real threat to the U.S."

    Funny, that's just what we said about the Shah of Iran, Saddam Hussein, and Hosni Mubarak.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    I thought the constitution delegated the power to conduct foreign relations to the president, not the congress.

  6. fartknocker

    Oh goody, another in-house expert. Look how well Afghanistan worked out when Texas Representative Charlie Wilson gave American weapon systems to the Mujahideen.

  7. HobbesEvilTwin

    Secretary of State Hillary Clinton relayed Karzai’s message to Rohrabacher who, according to his spokesperson, obliged “out of respect.”

    how "respectful" of the good congressman.

  8. Radiotherapy

    Rebecca, you certainly do live in one fucked up county to have elected this clueless twat.

    1. commiegirl

      Nah mang I don't live there anymore. I worked there for 12 years though. THE BEST OF TIMES!

  9. freakishlywrong

    Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-The Taliban) Gets No Respect From Freakishstan neither. Haruuumph.

  10. OC_Surf_Serf

    As an OC taxpayer and voter can I just take a few moments to mention that Congressman Dana Rohrabacher is an enormous asshole?

  11. Schmannnity

    “These gentlemen are the equivalent of America’s founding fathers”

    That's because that's what they were when Reagan was arming them (and their benefactor, Osama bin Laden) and they were known as freedom fighting Mujahadin.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I has a confuzed. I thought Regan was talking about the murderous nun-rapers in El Salvador when he said that.

      Surely a sharp guy Ronnie can't have made that mistake twice?

      1. Schmannnity

        Easy to confuse. Murderous nun rapers = patriots. Taliban = Founding Fathers. Didn't you get the Luntz memo?

        1. horsedreamer_1

          & they say Obama is at war with Catholicism.

          Now, I ask, where was a young parish priest Timothy Dolan when Reagan's CIA was raping (admittedly, brown; possibly indigenous, even) nuns? Well, eh, you see, Tim Dolan & his Rightwing Radio broadcaster brother were voting for Reagan.

    2. Fukui-sanYesOta

      Beat me to it.

      Reagan also said that the Muj were the moral equivalent of the founding fathers.

  12. edgydrifter

    Rebecca knows The Vandals? SKWEEE!!! (that's a manly, punk expression of elation–not the awful sparkle-vampire girly kind).

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Seems odd to me that she'd make such a big deal about the University of Idaho mascot.

      Now the Saxons…they really knew all the Angles.

  13. Texan_Bulldog

    What's it say about you that you aren't wanted in a country that's as fucked up as Afghanistan?

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    Karzai should let him in the country, then drop his ass out of a helicopter out in the wilds of Helmand province. See what happens.

  15. DaRooster

    "…Taliban leaders have already shown that they intend to establish a disciplined, moral society."

    A disciplined and moral society?? That's what some folks here are working toward right? This should work out just fine… after all… we are such a loving, close knit country.

  16. Blueb4sunrise

    ….less centralised form of government….

    PROVINCE RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's in the Constitution!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

    Article One Hundred and thirty seven
    Ch. 8. Art. 2

    The government, while preserving the principle of centralism, shall – in accordance with the law – delegate certain authorities to local administration units for the purpose of expediting and promoting economic, social, and cultural affairs, and increasing the participation of people in the development of the nation.

    http://www.afghan-web.com/politics/current_consti

        1. Generation[redacted]

          It's only natural that people start looking to those 137th Amendment Remedies.

  17. Callyson

    Last June, Iraqi government officials kicked Rohrabacher out of Iraq after the Californian Republican said Iraq should repay the United States for the war President Bush started there in 2003. While members of his own party criticized him for the remarks, Rohrabacher remained unapologetic. “There’s nothing wrong with suggesting that the people who have benefited from our benevolence should consider repaying us for what we have given them,” he said.

    Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

    1. Baconzgood

      “There’s nothing wrong with suggesting that the people who have benefited from our volence should consider repaying us for what we have given them,”

      FIXED

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      “There’s nothing wrong with suggesting that the people who have benefited from our benevolence should consider repaying us for what we have given them,”

      Your move, KBR/Halliburton/Blackwater/Lockheed/Boeing etc etc etc.

    1. MissTaken

      It's the tragic mix of California and Republican. All the sunshine we get grows a special kind of asshole.

      See also: Issa, Darrell

  18. donner_froh

    “There’s nothing wrong with suggesting that the people who have benefited from our benevolence should consider repaying us for what we have given them,”

    They might decide to repay Amerikkka in kind: mass slaughter, destruction of art and culture, random bombings and drone strikes. Nice going, Dana.

  19. ttommyunger

    This lisping lardass is wrong almost as much as Little Billy Krystal. This article is one small case in point.

  20. SockBunny

    Dana and his buddy Jesse Helms effectively ended the NEA's individual artists grant (though small $, was always a big 'credibility' boost). And yet when Huntington Beach opened their new plaza with artwork designed by 2 who-got-the-despicable-grants, Rohrf*cker was front 'n center like the duplicitous scumbag he is.

    Now that we know how, can we keep him out of California too?

  21. el_donaldo

    The editrix has enormous reserve. If I ran across Rohrbacher in a bar, I'd have a hard time not buying a drink just so I could throw it in his face.

  22. horsedreamer_1

    "What are you trying to be — Superspade?"

    (This, mor than any other line in Gran Turino, makes the drink emerge from the wrong hole.)

  23. horsedreamer_1

    A less centralized government? You mean, a Confederate States of South Asia?

    You mean, slavery will be legal?

    … Does cotton grow in AfPak? — every member of Augusta National Golf Club ever

  24. Wile E. Quixote

    Fuck, let his ass into the country and send him out into the hinterlands with an Afghani security detail, but first tell them that he's Jewish and likes to wipe his ass with the Koran after eating huge meals consisting of nothing but pork.

  25. fuflans

    the fuck's orange county doing with a foreign policy? don't they have enough trouble with the furrins right there at home? don't need to go half way round the planet to find more…

Comments are closed.