A NEWT GINGRICH WET DREAM  12:13 pm April 22, 2012

Wal-Mart de Mexico Flips a Peso: Bribes or Baggers? Bribes Win

by Lisa Wines

fattening up future baggerThe New York Times gave the Justice Department more work to do yesterday (the JD is already up to its ears in News Corp bribes to UK cops n’ Russian billboards) when they published a bunker-busting exposé about Wal-Mart bribing everybody they could in Meheeco (~ $24 million) in order to build their dime-store empire under the volcanoz.

Oh who cares, right? It’s just a little mantequilla to grease the wheels of commerce for Los Creadores de Empleo. And while Wal-Mart brags a lot about all the jobs they create in Mexico, in 2007 the Daily Beast revealed that Wal-Mart de Mexico had 19,000 teenagers (between 14 and 16 years old) working for them as grocery baggers for nada. Wal-Mart said, “Yeah? So?” and the world turned over, farted and went back to sleep. Pinches pendejos.

In that same year, Wal-Mart de Mexico earned more than $1.1 billion in profits. If they had paid 19,000 baggin’ slaves at the Mexican minimum wage of about $5 a day, they’d be looking at more than $34 million in extra expenses. Also too, if you figure in one bathroom break per day, a cookie, a pair of plastic sandals for each teen and no healthcare coverage (because they’re part-time, 14-hour-per-day employees, of course), well, Wal-Mart’s looking at a serious chunk taken out of their profits: 3%. Híjole cabrón.

Hush, hush, those of you (3) who cry, “But what about the children?” Wal-Mart’s fiscally responsible corporate decision makers (who are smarter than you, so STFU) must weigh the realities of doing business in the land of sinsemilla and raicilla: $24 million in government bribes so they can get their stores built really fast so they can enslave more teenagers OR $34 million to pay undeserving teenagers to work in stores that haven’t been built yet. Maybe it’s simply a case of what comes first, la gallina o el huevo?

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the_problem_child April 22, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Surely this must be legal, in Mexico.

Mahousu April 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm

That is one of the cute notes in the Times article – the general counsel of Wal-Mart International sent out a memo at one point reminding the Wal-Mart executives that, believe it or not, bribery actually was illegal in Mexico. Fortunately, they ignored her.

Geminisunmars April 22, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Who knew?

poorgradstudent April 22, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Bribery might still be tax deductible, however.

Swampgas_Man April 22, 2012 at 4:48 pm

They have laws in Mexico? I keep hearing that the Fox government surrendered to the drug cabals ages ago.

Radiotherapy April 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Lisa you are so right, making these kids bag for free, how demeaning. They should be cleaning toilets.

lisawines April 22, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I will send them a letter right away to suggest that. Although, they probably already thought of it.

starfanglednut April 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm

They can take on Newter as CEO when he drops out of the race. He's got lots of ideas regarding making lose lazy poors work.

Radiotherapy April 22, 2012 at 2:43 pm

In quiet rooms, in quiet rooms.

Jukesgrrl April 22, 2012 at 4:40 pm

But make him do it IN Mexico, por favor.

lisawines April 23, 2012 at 3:41 am

He is, after all, the idea man. I think he should just go to the moon to implement all his ideas.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:06 am

Nah. Toilet cleaning is only for inner-city blahs. It's in the Bahble, and Constitution and such as.

MLHencken April 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

One more thing to despise Wal Mart for. Great.

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Like you really needed one more thing to despise Mal Wart for?

V572 Fehrnstrom April 22, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I'm working on hating Target. Also pays minimum wage, supports wingnut issues, fights unions, etc.

ThundercatHo April 22, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Srsly? Well that's just great. Now where am I gonna buy all my cheap crap?

Designer_Rants April 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Seen their special video they like to show all new hires about how awful them unions are?

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I started boycotting them after the 2010 elections when I found out they were supporting wingnut political campaigns. It was disappointing because Target actually donated a thousand dollars back in the late 70s to help a wildlife rescue group in Boulder, CO live-trap prairie dogs before they built their new store on the prairie dog town.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:07 am

Yes, but their shitty trinkets are more purttier and more klassier, and you can say the stores name with a faux-French accent. So, there.

Callyson April 23, 2012 at 2:28 am

Always low morals. Always.

tcaalaw April 22, 2012 at 12:25 pm

in 2007 the Daily Beast revealed that Wal-Mart de Mexico had 19,000 teenagers (between 14 and 16 years old) working for them as grocery baggers for nada.

Look, those internships will lead to valuable networking connections.

Sparky McGruff April 22, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Soon they'll be in position to write for the Huffington Post! WIN!

starfanglednut April 22, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I'm sure their English grammar is better than most HP writers.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:08 am


Because, Brad & Angie and Kim and Bieber and (fill in the blank) aren't covered enough. lol

Kidneys4Sale April 22, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Program is declared a for-profit pre-university and franchised in the U.S. in 3…2…1…

NYNYNYjr April 22, 2012 at 5:48 pm

They will lead to valuable candy from checkout line racks in their pockets. No, they got tips, like at the supermarket down the street here. They are very strong at shaming for tips for the baggers here.

bumfug April 22, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Walmart is poised to succeed at what no American corporation ever attempted – lowering the standard of living in Mexico.

Chet Kincaid April 22, 2012 at 12:33 pm

What a joke. Wal-Mart has a strict code of "ethics" governing how they will work with their vendors and ad agencies, to avoid even the appearance of kickbacks, bribery, "gifts", inappropriate relationships, etc. This is why Wal-Mart people are no fun to work with, on a corporate level. I guess all that ethical bullshit is just for white people.

Rotundo_ April 22, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Of course they don't want "their people" being bribed, that might diminish profit: Bribing others, extorting "savings" from them, to the point of destroying them, greasing locals is a long time standard for conduct.

CessnaDriver April 23, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Wal Mart employees have to buy their own office supplies.

Total piece of crap company.

dyedwool April 22, 2012 at 12:37 pm

With all the kids working at Wal-Mart, who's gonna be left to make the big Ameros…directing the Touristas to the Donkey Shows?

Serolf_Divad April 22, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Bah, in my day bag boys worked long hours for beatings. And they were sad, at the end of the day if their hard labor didn't pay off with a vicious, pummeling. So these kids have it easy.

weejee April 22, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Having been a bag boy for the A&P in my childhood, I was a union thug in the Retail Clerks and made mas dinero of $1.25/hr. Probly moar than Wal-Fart pays their Messican bag boyz today.

starfanglednut April 22, 2012 at 2:48 pm

That's nothing. We walked to work in the blazing heat, up to our waists in snow. On the way home, we cleaned the road with our tongues.

Boojum April 22, 2012 at 3:31 pm

You got to use your tongues? Think of all the delicious asphalt! We had to use our vaginas and if you didn't have a vagina, you had to carve one, with the air.

MosesInvests April 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

You had asphalt? Looxury!

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 7:02 pm

We had to do it while carrying the boss home on our backs, and he lived in the gated community up on the hill above our middle-class shacks.

Schmannnity April 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm

The Walmart cartel is ruthless.

weejee April 22, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Wal-Maricón, same-o, same-o.

SexySmurf April 22, 2012 at 12:51 pm

In their defense, that $24 million bribe costs $30 million at the Mom-and-Pop store down on Main Street.

starfanglednut April 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm

It's much cheaper when you outsource the manufacturing of those bribes to Chinese factories.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:09 am


ManchuCandidate April 22, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Hey keeping those Waltons and their ass kissing minions in the luxury they "deserve" is tough.

That $10 million they saved paid for the "art" they're bringing to Arkansas.

SayItWithWookies April 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Yeah that kind of lucre can buy a lot of Thomas Kinkade paintings.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 22, 2012 at 3:04 pm

What a snob you are for thinking that an art museum apparently named after a stripper ("Crystal Bridges") must only contain kitsch.

What, you didn't mention that? Just trying to help out here.

NYNYNYjr April 22, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Crystal Bridges, the stripper with the heart of gold and the eye for art, who Sam Walton fell in love with at the age of 94.

Rotundo_ April 22, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Mostly modern art captured by purchase and outbidding other museums, even in charity they don't like to play by the rules others do.

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 12:52 pm

♫ Money for nothing, grocery baggers for free. ♫

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 12:57 pm

So, Lisa, you speak English AND Spanish/Messican, and you must speak le Francais, too, also, aussi. What a cunning linguist you are!

EDIT: Yeah, yeah, I know, old joke, but I'm old, too. Also. Aussi.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 22, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Not to mention R Schoenkopf and Kirsten B-J. Probably a coincidence, but what a happy one!

Crank_Tango April 22, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Trop tôt ! Tous, Katie ? C'est une bonne nouvelle pour McCain…

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:10 am

I wonder if they speak Spanish as well as I do, and by that I mean very little. With Spanish, I can fake it 'til I make it.

lisawines April 23, 2012 at 3:46 am

Is there a union of cunning linguists I can join so I can be a communist cunning linguist? I will research. I'm going to work in Mexico this summer so I needed to start practicing my Mehican.

Maman April 22, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I am not sure about galllinas but there are indeed huevos involved. Big giant huevos made of brass

Barb April 22, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Wal-Mart announced plans to open its first retail stores in India and China. Tags on clothes and stickers on items will read, "Made Here."

Flyers lead by 2 goals, bitches!

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Workers in China and India make too much money. All the clothing and other items are made in Vietnam and Thailand now.

Barb April 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Well, one night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.

My 60-something year-old neighbor is in the yard in a bikini. I bet she remembers when the Mastodons pranced across the Earth. I hope I don't hurl my eggs benedict. It took me forever to make them.

FlownOver April 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm

If your neighbor is Helen Mirren you should have no digestive consequences. Otherwise, yes, let me stand at least a prudent projectile's arc away from you.

And against whom are the Flyers competing? [Curling, right?]

Barb April 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I like curling, believe it or not. The Flyers are playing the Penguins.

Blueb4sunrise April 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Pics or……eh………..well, sure, what the hell,
Pics or GTFO.

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm
owhatever April 22, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Mittenomics at work.

Kidneys4Sale April 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

The term is Job Creators. Not Wage Creators, my friend.

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Wal-Mart de Mexico, the original shopping cartel.

EloquentScience April 22, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I don't see the problem. That kid in the photo has one big sammich. He's well fed.

upthruster April 22, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Clearly the Daily Beast hates the Mexicans for their freedom! What about giving them the chance to feel the dignity of work?

gullywompr April 22, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I thought the Romneys no longer lived in Mexico? Whatever, glad to see the dignity of work is well established there.

MrFizzy April 22, 2012 at 5:49 pm

It would be good to see Mitty with one of those bags over his head. But only until he went to sleep.

NYNYNYjr April 22, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Bunch of his Cousins still live there. They're totes Mexican. Except they look like square jawed white people.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:12 am

It's not that they look like square-jawed white people — Mexico has all kinds of people. But like the Amish, they live in compounds, and interact very little with the mainstream culture of their nations.

SayItWithWookies April 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Wal-Mart — we care. In the United States. When we're required to by law and we haven't paid someone to look the other way.

Swampgas_Man April 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Yet. As far as you know.

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Now that he's laid up after Tommy John Surgery, how 'bout Joakim "The Mexicutioner" Soria goes & avenges his Chicano brethren by taking out David Glass & every other Wal-Mart heir?

ManchuCandidate April 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Hey now. Just wait till the Jays leave KC.

Fare la Volpe April 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Looks like we found the next stop for the Gingrich campaign!!

Bonus: Now Callista can see the place where all her sparkly whore diamonds anniversary gifts are smuggled into the US. ¡Diviértete, chica!

fartknocker April 22, 2012 at 2:03 pm

No snark, as I just had a nice plate of migas, tortillas and some bourbon to take care of the hair of the dog as we say around here.

Walmart is about to enjoy the DOJ trans-vaginal probe called the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act (FCPA). FCPA is powerful in that it goes after the individual(s) who offered the bribe AND their employer. A lot of my clients require mandatory FCPA training as a condition of contracts that I engage in. It doesn't take much for a person or corporation to be charged and convicted of violating FCPA – it's a very well written law in my mind. And if they deducted the bribe (it happens a lot), the IRS gets to employ it's even larger trans-anal probe.

Which is why I shop at that French store based in Minnesota, Target (pronounced Tar-jae).

glamourdammerung April 22, 2012 at 2:20 pm

But charging corporations for breaking laws is socialism/class warfare/punishing the job creators/etc.

Radiotherapy April 22, 2012 at 3:34 pm

And the Waltons could give a shit about a slap on the wrist fine. Their sole focus is to get rid of the estate tax and extending the Bush/Obama tax cuts.. (As always fuck you Frank Luntz.) I wonder how much they've given to Romney so far.
BTW, this issue is going to be a maelstrom come late November.

glamourdammerung April 22, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Even more "great" when you realize that a lot of corporations do not even bother paying their fines and then the Feds start lowering it to get them to voluntarily follow the law before just blowing it off.

MrFizzy April 22, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Yeah, but what of Wal-Mart's $1,000 an hour K Street cartel?

iburl April 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm

"the company’s much publicized commitment to the highest moral and ethical standards"

I must have missed that publicity. I just thought that they were about the lowest prices, standards, regulations, and class.

Makes me wonder how they can do (at least) $25 million in bribes in Mexico and $0.00 in the USA, oh, that's right, we have Citizens United, nevermind.

LiberalMantra April 22, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Wages? We don't need no stinking wages!

Monsieur_Grumpe April 22, 2012 at 3:11 pm

This is good news for people who camp at WalMart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYz91NRoAuM

Jukesgrrl April 22, 2012 at 4:49 pm

You mean like Justice and Mrs. Thomas? They love RVing and I'm sure they would do anything to avoid paying some poor entrepreneur campsite owner.

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Jeezus, no shade and the asphalt is probably 150 degrees in the middle of the summer in Wyoming. They must have the air conditioning cranked up to 11. Such an inspiring video to watch on Earth Day.

But I'd do her any day.

Texan_Bulldog April 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Wow, you leave this site to get liquored up on a Saturday night & two more new posts appear. I am unused to this level of efficiency from Wonkette.

MrFizzy April 22, 2012 at 7:04 pm

I heard that – this is fucking crazy. I'm testing the theory that saying fucking subtly makes pee scores go up.

lisawines April 23, 2012 at 3:51 am

It's the time difference that allows such things. It was really Monday for me.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm

OT, but here's proof that high-speed rail and mass transit are bad. Two trains collide head-on, and one 68-year-old woman is dead. O the humanity!

weejee April 22, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Absolutely! Instead of tending the crumbling infrastructure, between now & Election Day Barry should swap HemiCudas with no seat belts for pick-up trucks in the swing states. It would be priming the pump for the Darwin Award, but hey this is an election year.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 22, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Also awesome:

Can Hummers do wheelies? It would really complete their big Finger to the environment. On auto blogs the hostility towards even hybrids is so palpable you can feel it.

Biff April 22, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Hemi Under Glass still races, amazingly–it was just in Vegas a couple of weeks ago.

Steverino247 April 22, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Where was Gomez Addams before that crash?

misanthrope April 22, 2012 at 5:09 pm

This is what happens when someone named Beer is in charge of trains, would you put someone named Bong in charge of Air Traffic Control? I think not.

Beer Meerstadt, the director of The Netherlands' railroad operator, NS, said: "Two trains colliding on the same track is a nightmare".

You're very perceptive Beer….

MrFizzy April 22, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I guess it would be bad if they collided on different tracks too, eh Beer? Sounds a lot like W pontificating about natural disasters.

NYNYNYjr April 22, 2012 at 6:00 pm

She was probably died in her sleep on the train before the crash.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:16 am

And, yet, daily freeways fatalities are treated as the cost of living, because, well "that would never happen to me/That stuff happens to other people."

Beowoof April 22, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Welcome to the Koch brothers plans for America.

BlueStateLibel April 22, 2012 at 3:16 pm

So these teenagers are "volunteering" to work for Walmart? What is Walmart, some poor old blind lady on the street corner? I understand that the teenagers can get tips, but still, if that isn't some evil shit, I don't know what is.

Jukesgrrl April 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm

They're demonstrating their willingness to go to work there as adults for 5 pesos per hora.

An_Outhouse April 22, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Someone enjoyed showing off their multilingual chops on this post. Taco, enchilada, borrito? Si?

lisawines April 23, 2012 at 3:54 am

Si. But I had to look all the (English) words up.

Naked_Bunny April 22, 2012 at 3:42 pm

The free market FTW!

chascates April 22, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Typical 'mañana' attitude.

starfanglednut April 22, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Why can't they just get the invisible hand to do the bagging?

Dashboard Buddha April 22, 2012 at 4:13 pm

The Hand is currently engaged in masturbating each of the Waltons individually.

Swampgas_Man April 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm

The Invisible Hand won't work for free.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:18 am

Their bags always have holes in them; you pick them up and the merchandise just comes right out. Who'd a thunk?

Rotundo_ April 22, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Don't think of it as working for nothing or slavery; think of it as auditioning for a job: It may take decades to make that decision on whether or not to hire them, but in the meantime they get to hone their bagging skills to near perfection without paying for training. I see this working in the states as a means of getting people with limited skill sets, due to the deteriorating public school system, marketable skills in a constantly changing and challenging job market. Fascism and slavery can sound so patriotic sometimes, can't it?

Blueb4sunrise April 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I assume that Lisa is strolling around the Left Bank getting interviews with the French electorate.

Also, WTF?

proudgrampa April 22, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Maybe he's showing off his "braised meats."

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 7:13 pm

blond, …. with a fine and generous head

Soundz like Barb. Are you a blond, too, Lisa?

lisawines April 23, 2012 at 3:58 am

I was, when I was trying to get laid. Now, not so much.

lisawines April 23, 2012 at 3:58 am

I was picking up my neighbor's child from her ax murderer ex, then drinking some blonde (and getting some fine and generous head) while watching the qualifying race of the French presidential election. I will report soonish.

spareme April 22, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Mexico and Walmart – now there's a lethal combination. They treat their people like shit, and Walmart treats it's employees like shit. Guess they both have found a lower level of shit to sink into.

EtchySketchy April 22, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I'd rather be a non-paid bagger at Walmart than be one of their fucked-up, brain-dead, trailer-trash customers.

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 7:14 pm

I thought 'baggers were Wal-Marts prime customers.

pinkocommi April 22, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Let me get this straight… Wal-Mart pays millions in bribes to the Mexican elite but literally nothing to people who actually work in its stores?! Let the wonders of capitalism never cease.

proudgrampa April 22, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Actually, it's no worse than when I was a caddy at the local country club. We weren't paid, but your player was expected to cough up for your services. I learned at a very young age that some lawyers, accountants, and captains of industry can be real cheap bastards.

ttommyunger April 22, 2012 at 5:35 pm

The executives at Coca-Cola are heaving a huge sigh of relief over this news: finally, someone else is busted for giving the Messicans a Dirty Sanchez, for a change. BTW, what is that I hear? "Breitbart, Colson, now Cheney, party of one, Cheney?".

MrFizzy April 22, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Sweet Jeebus why doesn't anyone try to bribe me? I could use a boat of some sort.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 22, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Needs moar dida.

weejee April 22, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Mordida = vigorish = the juice = bribe = PAC, it's the grease that turns the wheels of gooberment the wide world over. Should Mexican pols have to operate on higher ethical ground that those from the USA, USA, USA?

BarackMyWorld April 22, 2012 at 6:57 pm

To be fair, the kids are working for tips, so while Walmart isn't paying them, those kids still have access to the wealthy, generous people of Mexico who probably tip as much as a peso (about 7 cents) when they tip at all.

misanthrope April 22, 2012 at 9:48 pm

I can't even say anything snarky about this shit; I am an atheist but I truly hope there is a hell of some sort for these shit bag executives. Probably not though; I'm sure hell is just a watered down version of Danbury. Blech, I need to get baked as fuck because I must return to my own corporate overlords tomorrow.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:25 am

This tangentially reminds me of when Michigan-based Meijer, a regional hypermarket, tried to recall a local township board because they'd blocked one of their monster stores in a rural township, but got caught directly forming the recall organization.

NYNYNYjr April 23, 2012 at 1:44 am

Walmart brags about the jobs they create in Mexico? Where, at CPAC conventions? Or in quiet mexican rooms?

Preacher_Griz April 23, 2012 at 8:49 am

If you think the shifty illegal immigrant/roaming packs of mexican rape squad problem is bad in the US, imagine how bad it must be in mexico where the ENTIRE population is shifty illegal immigrant/roaming packs of mexican rape squads

WonkCynic April 25, 2012 at 3:59 am

Those dum ass chilli shitter kids! They should jump the fence, come to America, and go directly to the HUD office! Then they could skip doing unpaid work and get a free Section 8 rent check and food stamps while sitting at home watching Sábado Gigante reruns on Univision all day long instead of working for a living. You see, lib-tards! Somebody is always getting something for free. Down in Mexico Walmart is getting something for free. Up here in Amerika, the chilli shitters do.

Boojum April 22, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Shacks? SHACKS!!!??? The height of soft living, that! We had to make tents, from our own skin, held up by our own bones, which we removed with our teeth, if we had any.

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