IS THERE SEX IN A GOP CHAMPAGNE ROOM?  2:32 pm April 23, 2012

Tampa Strip Clubs To Be Disappointed When Hordes of Straight GOPers Fail To Come

by Erik Jay

Three beautiful bodies in oneTampa, Fla – Churches, bathroom stalls and NAMBLA can take a well-deserved five. The GOP circus is coming to Tampa and the city’s finer purveyor of tittay are hauling them out and boosting them up in preparation! There is so much business expected, businesses are working in harmony, helping out their competitors, and city residents are welcoming the influx in greazy cash.

Tampa Gold Club and Scores Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse are two of the better known clubs in town. Both have been gearing up for the onslaught of normal, family-oriented, churchgoing, upstanding members of society. Club remodels are underway, with upgrades in everything from furniture, lighting and booze to higher end strippers with fewer thigh bruises. Boobs and booze may scare some off, but with a little luck all of these upgrades will provide a show that will tickle even the most staunch right wingers. To make things even hotter, the strippers are going to be paid 70 cents for every dollar a male would earn.

Stripper clubs are not known for gouging their customers, but some clubs are experimenting with the idea of $450 per hour private room rentals, $7 grouper nuggets, $18 osso bucco, limo rentals and guided tours of the female anatomy. Higher end recruiting practices are being used to recruit some of Tampa’s finest stank. CraigsList, Backpage and Facebook are among the ‘Cadillac’ sites that are being scoured for upper echelon talent.

And ladies, you have not been forgotten. There are clubs preparing for apple pie bake-offs, knitting races, golf parties, and classes teaching women how their husband’s affairs are entirely their faults.

A fun time is guaranteed for all, but some GOP members have spoken out against the entertainment venues and wish to stick to a more traditional style event. There will be plenty of late night church sermons for those who wish to get their knees dirty for the lord only. [TampaBayTimes]

 
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{ 127 comments }

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Wow, Bristol Palin changed her hair!!!

Radiotherapy April 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Is she preggos again too?

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:34 pm

That's a great picture of the Editrix, Erik!

Fare la Volpe April 23, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Our Editrix looks like a fucking bombshell and you know it.

Don't be an ass.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Why should I stop now?

BornInATrailer April 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Maybe actor thinks big is beautiful.

Thinist.

Blueb4sunrise April 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm
commiegirl April 23, 2012 at 3:15 pm

You tell em, baby! Plus one thousand for you.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Oh really? Sucking up is the way to go around this mommyblog??

Limeylizzie April 23, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Too many women on here for you to make fat jokes about one of them who clearly is fucking hot, I'd do our Editrix.

MissTaken April 23, 2012 at 3:39 pm

This isn't Jezebel, no need to "suck up". Just don't be a dick.

Guppy April 23, 2012 at 3:39 pm

When has it not?

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 2:35 pm

"Tampa’s finest stank."

Erik, you're new here, so you get a pass. But in future, please use the proper term, skank.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I've been to Tampa. Erik's more accurate.

HobbesEvilTwin April 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

i think Erik was using the past tense, which is probably appropriate for Tampa skanks.

Madfall April 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Scores Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse

Sounds classy, do I need to reserve in advance?

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Only if you want to participate in the 72 oz challenge.

That's not eating, that's how much you deposit.

RedneckMuslin April 23, 2012 at 2:58 pm

This is the GOP coming so they renamed it Scores Gentlemens Club & Tubesteakhouse.

Limeylizzie April 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I think that's the one where you get to eat filet mignon off Brandi's pudenda.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Her manger?

Nostrildamus April 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

$7 grouper nuggets

FISHNUTZ !!

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

$7????

Wow. The groupers in Key West charge twice that but at least you get your own locker.

NYNYNYjr April 23, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I got $7 grouper nuggets at a strip club in Tampa, and the antibiotics aren't doing anything for them. Can you recommend any effective home remedies?

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Every four years, the GOP has a kerfuffle about the convention and the sideline entertainments, and every four years, the party leadership has to remind the rabble that they're whoring themselves out for votes, so they need to allow free market competition

Jukesgrrl April 24, 2012 at 12:42 am

I understand they've offered Casey Anthony top dollar.

DaRooster April 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

"…$7 grouper nuggets…"

Shouldn't those be groper nuggets?

niblick77 April 23, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Most of the attendees will be proclaimed christian conservatives – Sooooooo, it would be grope-his nuggets.

Jukesgrrl April 24, 2012 at 12:33 am

That's what I thought, too … but $7? I know we're in a recession but c'mon. On second thought, I think grouper (fish) nuggets are some Floridian cuisine.

ChernobylSoup April 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

No.

LastGasp April 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Hordes of Straight GOPers Fail To Come

More cocaine, more lube, and more bondage. (Just tryin' to be helpful)

weejee April 23, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Not moar santorum?

Baconzgood April 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse? Fuckin' A Bubba! THAT'S WHAT BACONZ TALKIN' ABOUT!

DaRooster April 23, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"Come on in and BEAT your meat."

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

How kin ye have any puddin if ye don't beat yer meat?

MissTaken April 23, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Ain't got nothing on the SF Penthouse Club & Steakhouse. They think it's going to get a Michelin star (for reals)!
http://penthousesf.com/steakhouse/

GOPCrusher April 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Especially if it's one of those steak shacks where you can cook your own steak!

edgydrifter April 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Republican men prefer the entertainment in the privacy of their hotel rooms, and they usually prefer their entertainers hairless, discreet and well-hung.

Five minutes of gin-sweat and wriggling followed by three hours of sobbing and prayer, but I hear they pay well.

Limeylizzie April 23, 2012 at 6:17 pm

That is beautifully written, you, sir or madam, have a gift.

Blueb4sunrise April 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

That's not a manger, that's the whole barn!!!!!!!!!

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:44 pm

"When I said a little off the front, back and sides, I meant my hair, not the stool!"

Blueb4sunrise April 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

When she sits around the house………..

Radiotherapy April 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Nice stool.

chicken_thief April 23, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Sturdy built sumbitch too!!!

Radiotherapy April 23, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Yeah, you don't want a loose stool.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:55 pm

It's a testament to how…zaftig…said model is that it's actually a chair turned around backwards. You can see a little of the back peeking over her left boob

Radiotherapy April 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Is that one of those plus-size "models" I've heard about.

gullywompr April 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Don't bother me none…

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm

There’s a place I like to go
Where everybody knows my name
Where an ugly man with money
And a handsome man are treated just the same
And you can drink a 'leven-dollar Heineken
Until you get your fill
And the girls will put a smile upon your face
For just a dollar bill
I always seem to get the most attention
When I’m at the pulse machine
A girl can make an honest living
Just as long as she’s eighteen

‘Cause I’ve got money to spend but it’s nice to pretend
Tonight I’m a superstar
I may be white trash, but if you’ve got the cash
The girls will love you just as you are—
DOWN AT THE TITTY BAR!!!

chascates April 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I bet Republicans at titty joints are pretty shitty tippers.

HobbesEvilTwin April 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

They don't over-tip because they want the strippers to know the dignity of work.

DaRooster April 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

And by titty joints you mean anywhere?

horsedreamer_1 April 23, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Vitter's seat is fuckin' gold, I tell ye. You don't just give it away.

Guppy April 23, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Your average Republican titty joint patron has bigger tits than the employees.

mrpuma2u April 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I heard their lobbyists had to explain that you don't bring rolls of quarters to the nudie bars, and then were forced to bank roll them with singles. Well that's what I heard.

Jukesgrrl April 24, 2012 at 12:36 am

And their whiny reply was, "Well, that's what we tip at home in Yuma."

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Whatever engineer designed that fishnet should immediatly be given a Nobel prize or something. And then executed.

chicken_thief April 23, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Strong enough to hold beluga in check. Sort of….

ifthethunderdontgetya April 23, 2012 at 2:40 pm

So much misdirected investment, Tampa!

All you really needed to do is upgrade the mens rooms at the airport.

Those who will not learn from history…
~

Not_So_Much April 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Steak and high-mileage cooter on the same menu sounds like a dining experience not to be missed. But I think the real action is going to be over at rentboys.com.

weejee April 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Will Limbaugh be flying them in from the Dominican Republic?

coolhandnuke April 23, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Alt text…Manatee or manathree

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

upper echelon talent

Since they're looking for escorts, maybe they should ask the Secret Service. I hear they know the best broads in every city in the world! Hell, I'm thinking of joining just to get access to their little black book!

Wait…..take a bullet for what now? Who? THE BLAH MAN?!?!?!?!?!?

Maman April 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I thought the rule was that titties and tater tots didn't mix?

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:49 pm

That's only at kids parties.

Callyson April 23, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Tit for tat.

bagofmice April 23, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Using tater tots as tassles would make an amusing and tongue twisting burlesque show .

HippieEsq April 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

You just KNOW that the Tea Party guys are terrible tippers….

Goonemeritus April 23, 2012 at 2:50 pm

At the risk of fueling further body image dysfunction with women I have to admit that stool does in fact make her ass look big.

Boojum April 23, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Strippers are people, too, my friends. Second class people who deserve to and will burn in Hell.

Come here a minute April 23, 2012 at 2:51 pm

In honor of the nominee, the whores will be caffeine-free.

BTWBFDIMHO April 23, 2012 at 2:51 pm

The remodeling will include a portrait of Mary Magdalene. https://picasaweb.google.com/11400799981044075510

dijetlo April 23, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Meh…and yet, it's always the 9 year old boys who come home looking like glazed donuts the day after that circus leaves town.

Fare la Volpe April 23, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Well, at least the GOP supports one group of single mothers.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 2:56 pm

But hey, they know the dignity of selling oneself off to the highest bidder for use work…

ManchuCandidate April 23, 2012 at 2:56 pm

That's What She Said.

MissTaken April 23, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I think the Craigslist Casual Encounters and M4M posts will be what finally earns our Wonkette her Pulitzer.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 23, 2012 at 5:48 pm

"Certified Drop Catcher! Salt is Good For You! Note: I am worth the Drive"

For the win.

NYNYNYjr April 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I would not want to be a bathroom attendant in Tampa looking forward to the future. "I'm sorry Senator, you'll have to leave now." "You can't tell me what to do! This man was just tying my shoe! I'll ruin you!"

metamarcisf April 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I'm ready. I've already reserved the penthouse suite at the Adult Bookstore Motel.

BaldarTFlagass April 23, 2012 at 3:02 pm

The Republicans should let GSA make all the arrangements.

horsedreamer_1 April 23, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Meanwhile, the RNC is organizing a special IMAX screening of Magic Mike for the Men's Committee.

SwanSwanH April 23, 2012 at 3:09 pm

"Feeler calls." Heh.

fartknocker April 23, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Those conservative Christians will bring $10.00 and the 10 Commandments and they don't plan on breaking either one them.

mavenmaven April 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I thought bondage clubs were more the GOP speed…

Limeylizzie April 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

As someone with somewhat abundant curves, when depressed , I think that I look like that woman.

Dashboard Buddha April 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Oddly enough, my depression lifted after reading your comment.

MissTaken April 23, 2012 at 3:33 pm

As long as you never have need of a "coin slot detector" you're all good!
http://www.instructables.com/id/coin-slot-detecto

Limeylizzie April 23, 2012 at 3:45 pm

That is so weird, I hope I never need/buy one.

MissTaken April 23, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I know! Just use a belt or better yet, wear jeans that have a rise higher than your ass crack.

misanthrope April 24, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Good god, I can see the herds of rascal riders storming their local Wal-Mart's for the components for this little miracle. Given the stellar aptitude for engineering most Americans possess (angered by the simplest of Ikea bookshelves), I imagine they would promptly electrocute the hell out of themselves. Hmmm I smell bacon..

FUUUCK YOU ALLEN WRENCH!

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 23, 2012 at 3:38 pm

You should buy a similar outfit, post some pics and let us be the judge of that. It's really the only way to be sure. Perhaps you could add a young man in an SS uni spanking your ass.

Limeylizzie April 23, 2012 at 6:25 pm
AlterNewt April 23, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Never again.

Guppy April 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm

While still lacking her apparent self-confidence?

Limeylizzie April 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I don't really look like that, but on my fat days that is pretty much what I envision. She seems ok with it.

gullywompr April 23, 2012 at 6:12 pm

She's not the only one.

starfanglednut April 23, 2012 at 9:13 pm

No way in hell, LL. I'm sure you are abs stunning.

randcoolcatdaddy April 23, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I get my Grouper Nuggets on Craigslist at a much cheaper rate.

Pop_Socket April 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Scores is for tourists. The real action is at Mons Venus. So I've heard.

Dashboard Buddha April 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

"Only one thing is moister than an oyster"

Dashboard Buddha April 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Tampa is getting ready for a Bonanza? Does this mean the ghost of Hoss will be doing blumpkins for customers at the Hotel 6?

Arkoday April 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Hopefully, there will not be a large number of concerned locals just, you know, standing their ground.
The visuals of dozens of shoot-outs make me …shudder.

Dashboard Buddha April 23, 2012 at 3:24 pm

They're going to raise their prices to take advantage of this Bonanza? Who's going to think about the poor airmen from McDill then??

Geminisunmars April 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Okay, who hacked into my profile pix?

Mumbletypeg April 23, 2012 at 3:36 pm

"Moulin Gouge."

BarackMyWorld April 23, 2012 at 3:49 pm

The GOP supports working moms.

HippieEsq April 23, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Yes but I hear they plan to tip in the form of Medicare Vouchers only.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

"The dignity of work."

Callyson April 23, 2012 at 4:02 pm

In Tampa, club operators say they already are seeing positive signs. A customer Rice would not disclose has booked Gold Club sky boxes after flying in to scout Tampa's entertainment venues. Others have asked about renting entire clubs — though most managers say it'll take an unprecedented offer to sideline them from a free-for-all frenzy of guaranteed customers.
"We've had a few feeler calls," Scores' Zalta said. "It'd have to be the deal of the century to shut it down."

Call from the Kochs in 3…2…1…

Callyson April 23, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Ladies, whatever else you do, be sure to get paid in advance…

Biel_ze_Bubba April 23, 2012 at 5:51 pm

And for Newt, it's cash only.

Jukesgrrl April 24, 2012 at 12:38 am

Not to mention anyone from Minnesota.

owhatever April 23, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Oh beautiful, for spacious thighs…

a_pink_poodle April 23, 2012 at 4:41 pm

The gay strip clubs will be raking in the dough however.

OneYieldRegular April 23, 2012 at 5:47 pm

One day of prayin' and six nights of fun,
The odds against goin' to heaven, six to one.

Mrspanky April 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm

The reason the 08 MSP convention went bad for the titty bar owners was that they ignored the core.

I'll leave it to Electric Six's Dick Valentine to explain why:

"Boy, I wanna take you a gay bar, take you to a gay bar, a gay bar, gay bar. Boy, I want to spend all your money, let me spend all your money, at the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar. Boy, I wanna start a nuclear war, I wanna start a nuclear war, at the gay bar, gay bar….. "

BZ1 April 23, 2012 at 9:58 pm

… and where are the male strippers?!!!

ttommyunger April 23, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Everybody knows Atlanta is the fav…..Strippers here take off everything but their lipstick; so I'm told…

Jukesgrrl April 24, 2012 at 12:44 am

Alt, alt text: Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Negropolis April 24, 2012 at 3:26 am

However, boys do, in fact, make passes at girls with big asses.

Negropolis April 24, 2012 at 3:11 am

Alternate text FTW! LOL!

Smithboy April 24, 2012 at 6:46 am

I hope Bill Kristol is caught in diapers with a crack whore.

oldedinvn April 24, 2012 at 9:44 am

Please, no more porn what makes me soil my underpants.
Please, just show pics of Cheney so that I don't not mind having been castrated.

WonkCynic April 25, 2012 at 3:38 am

No worries! After Obarmer implements sharia law, all these stripper joints will be purified and converted into mosques. All of the adulterous infidels on BOTH sides of the partisan game will be beheaded, and you liberal bloggers will be forced to become lady-boys for your Muslin overlords. You'll enjoy wearing your crotchless burkas.

actor212 April 23, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Lizzie, there ain't a man on this thread who hasn't thought about how many drinks it would take to do said photo'd lady.

And trust me, they're overestimating.

gullywompr April 23, 2012 at 6:11 pm

One.

Stevola April 23, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I'd do it sober. If I ever am again.

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