is there sex in a gop champagne room?

Tampa Strip Clubs To Be Disappointed When Hordes of Straight GOPers Fail To Come

Three beautiful bodies in oneTampa, Fla – Churches, bathroom stalls and NAMBLA can take a well-deserved five. The GOP circus is coming to Tampa and the city’s finer purveyor of tittay are hauling them out and boosting them up in preparation! There is so much business expected, businesses are working in harmony, helping out their competitors, and city residents are welcoming the influx in greazy cash.

Tampa Gold Club and Scores Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse are two of the better known clubs in town. Both have been gearing up for the onslaught of normal, family-oriented, churchgoing, upstanding members of society. Club remodels are underway, with upgrades in everything from furniture, lighting and booze to higher end strippers with fewer thigh bruises. Boobs and booze may scare some off, but with a little luck all of these upgrades will provide a show that will tickle even the most staunch right wingers. To make things even hotter, the strippers are going to be paid 70 cents for every dollar a male would earn.

Stripper clubs are not known for gouging their customers, but some clubs are experimenting with the idea of $450 per hour private room rentals, $7 grouper nuggets, $18 osso bucco, limo rentals and guided tours of the female anatomy. Higher end recruiting practices are being used to recruit some of Tampa’s finest stank. CraigsList, Backpage and Facebook are among the ‘Cadillac’ sites that are being scoured for upper echelon talent.

And ladies, you have not been forgotten. There are clubs preparing for apple pie bake-offs, knitting races, golf parties, and classes teaching women how their husband’s affairs are entirely their faults.

A fun time is guaranteed for all, but some GOP members have spoken out against the entertainment venues and wish to stick to a more traditional style event. There will be plenty of late night church sermons for those who wish to get their knees dirty for the lord only. [TampaBayTimes]

About the author

Erik Jay is currently unemployed, but has a history of managing various motels and quitting customer service jobs on day 1. He still feels accomplished graduating from a continuation high school in 1989.

View all articles by Erik Jay
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127 comments

          1. Limeylizzie

            Too many women on here for you to make fat jokes about one of them who clearly is fucking hot, I'd do our Editrix.

          2. actor212

            Lizzie, there ain't a man on this thread who hasn't thought about how many drinks it would take to do said photo'd lady.

            And trust me, they're overestimating.

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    "Tampa’s finest stank."

    Erik, you're new here, so you get a pass. But in future, please use the proper term, skank.

    1. HobbesEvilTwin

      i think Erik was using the past tense, which is probably appropriate for Tampa skanks.

    1. NYNYNYjr

      I got $7 grouper nuggets at a strip club in Tampa, and the antibiotics aren't doing anything for them. Can you recommend any effective home remedies?

  2. actor212

    Every four years, the GOP has a kerfuffle about the convention and the sideline entertainments, and every four years, the party leadership has to remind the rabble that they're whoring themselves out for votes, so they need to allow free market competition

    1. niblick77

      Most of the attendees will be proclaimed christian conservatives – Sooooooo, it would be grope-his nuggets.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        That's what I thought, too … but $7? I know we're in a recession but c'mon. On second thought, I think grouper (fish) nuggets are some Floridian cuisine.

  3. LastGasp

    Hordes of Straight GOPers Fail To Come

    More cocaine, more lube, and more bondage. (Just tryin' to be helpful)

  4. edgydrifter

    Republican men prefer the entertainment in the privacy of their hotel rooms, and they usually prefer their entertainers hairless, discreet and well-hung.

    Five minutes of gin-sweat and wriggling followed by three hours of sobbing and prayer, but I hear they pay well.

    1. actor212

      It's a testament to how…zaftig…said model is that it's actually a chair turned around backwards. You can see a little of the back peeking over her left boob

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    There’s a place I like to go
    Where everybody knows my name
    Where an ugly man with money
    And a handsome man are treated just the same
    And you can drink a 'leven-dollar Heineken
    Until you get your fill
    And the girls will put a smile upon your face
    For just a dollar bill
    I always seem to get the most attention
    When I’m at the pulse machine
    A girl can make an honest living
    Just as long as she’s eighteen

    ‘Cause I’ve got money to spend but it’s nice to pretend
    Tonight I’m a superstar
    I may be white trash, but if you’ve got the cash
    The girls will love you just as you are—
    DOWN AT THE TITTY BAR!!!

    1. mrpuma2u

      I heard their lobbyists had to explain that you don't bring rolls of quarters to the nudie bars, and then were forced to bank roll them with singles. Well that's what I heard.

  6. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Whatever engineer designed that fishnet should immediatly be given a Nobel prize or something. And then executed.

  7. Not_So_Much

    Steak and high-mileage cooter on the same menu sounds like a dining experience not to be missed. But I think the real action is going to be over at rentboys.com.

  8. actor212

    upper echelon talent

    Since they're looking for escorts, maybe they should ask the Secret Service. I hear they know the best broads in every city in the world! Hell, I'm thinking of joining just to get access to their little black book!

    Wait…..take a bullet for what now? Who? THE BLAH MAN?!?!?!?!?!?

  9. Goonemeritus

    At the risk of fueling further body image dysfunction with women I have to admit that stool does in fact make her ass look big.

  10. Boojum

    Strippers are people, too, my friends. Second class people who deserve to and will burn in Hell.

  11. dijetlo

    Meh…and yet, it's always the 9 year old boys who come home looking like glazed donuts the day after that circus leaves town.

  12. MissTaken

    I think the Craigslist Casual Encounters and M4M posts will be what finally earns our Wonkette her Pulitzer.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Certified Drop Catcher! Salt is Good For You! Note: I am worth the Drive"

      For the win.

    2. NYNYNYjr

      I would not want to be a bathroom attendant in Tampa looking forward to the future. "I'm sorry Senator, you'll have to leave now." "You can't tell me what to do! This man was just tying my shoe! I'll ruin you!"

  13. horsedreamer_1

    Meanwhile, the RNC is organizing a special IMAX screening of Magic Mike for the Men's Committee.

  14. fartknocker

    Those conservative Christians will bring $10.00 and the 10 Commandments and they don't plan on breaking either one them.

  15. Limeylizzie

    As someone with somewhat abundant curves, when depressed , I think that I look like that woman.

        1. MissTaken

          I know! Just use a belt or better yet, wear jeans that have a rise higher than your ass crack.

      1. misanthrope

        Good god, I can see the herds of rascal riders storming their local Wal-Mart's for the components for this little miracle. Given the stellar aptitude for engineering most Americans possess (angered by the simplest of Ikea bookshelves), I imagine they would promptly electrocute the hell out of themselves. Hmmm I smell bacon..

        FUUUCK YOU ALLEN WRENCH!

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      You should buy a similar outfit, post some pics and let us be the judge of that. It's really the only way to be sure. Perhaps you could add a young man in an SS uni spanking your ass.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I don't really look like that, but on my fat days that is pretty much what I envision. She seems ok with it.

  16. Dashboard Buddha

    Tampa is getting ready for a Bonanza? Does this mean the ghost of Hoss will be doing blumpkins for customers at the Hotel 6?

  17. Arkoday

    Hopefully, there will not be a large number of concerned locals just, you know, standing their ground.
    The visuals of dozens of shoot-outs make me …shudder.

  18. Dashboard Buddha

    They're going to raise their prices to take advantage of this Bonanza? Who's going to think about the poor airmen from McDill then??

  19. Callyson

    In Tampa, club operators say they already are seeing positive signs. A customer Rice would not disclose has booked Gold Club sky boxes after flying in to scout Tampa's entertainment venues. Others have asked about renting entire clubs — though most managers say it'll take an unprecedented offer to sideline them from a free-for-all frenzy of guaranteed customers.
    "We've had a few feeler calls," Scores' Zalta said. "It'd have to be the deal of the century to shut it down."

    Call from the Kochs in 3…2…1…

  20. OneYieldRegular

    One day of prayin' and six nights of fun,
    The odds against goin' to heaven, six to one.

  21. Mrspanky

    The reason the 08 MSP convention went bad for the titty bar owners was that they ignored the core.

    I'll leave it to Electric Six's Dick Valentine to explain why:

    "Boy, I wanna take you a gay bar, take you to a gay bar, a gay bar, gay bar. Boy, I want to spend all your money, let me spend all your money, at the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar. Boy, I wanna start a nuclear war, I wanna start a nuclear war, at the gay bar, gay bar….. "

  22. ttommyunger

    Everybody knows Atlanta is the fav…..Strippers here take off everything but their lipstick; so I'm told…

  23. oldedinvn

    Please, no more porn what makes me soil my underpants.
    Please, just show pics of Cheney so that I don't not mind having been castrated.

  24. WonkCynic

    No worries! After Obarmer implements sharia law, all these stripper joints will be purified and converted into mosques. All of the adulterous infidels on BOTH sides of the partisan game will be beheaded, and you liberal bloggers will be forced to become lady-boys for your Muslin overlords. You'll enjoy wearing your crotchless burkas.

Comments are closed.