is there sex in a gop champagne room?

Tampa Strip Clubs To Be Disappointed When Hordes of Straight GOPers Fail To Come

Three beautiful bodies in oneTampa, Fla – Churches, bathroom stalls and NAMBLA can take a well-deserved five. The GOP circus is coming to Tampa and the city’s finer purveyor of tittay are hauling them out and boosting them up in preparation! There is so much business expected, businesses are working in harmony, helping out their competitors, and city residents are welcoming the influx in greazy cash.

Tampa Gold Club and Scores Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse are two of the better known clubs in town. Both have been gearing up for the onslaught of normal, family-oriented, churchgoing, upstanding members of society. Club remodels are underway, with upgrades in everything from furniture, lighting and booze to higher end strippers with fewer thigh bruises. Boobs and booze may scare some off, but with a little luck all of these upgrades will provide a show that will tickle even the most staunch right wingers. To make things even hotter, the strippers are going to be paid 70 cents for every dollar a male would earn.

Stripper clubs are not known for gouging their customers, but some clubs are experimenting with the idea of $450 per hour private room rentals, $7 grouper nuggets, $18 osso bucco, limo rentals and guided tours of the female anatomy. Higher end recruiting practices are being used to recruit some of Tampa’s finest stank. CraigsList, Backpage and Facebook are among the ‘Cadillac’ sites that are being scoured for upper echelon talent.

And ladies, you have not been forgotten. There are clubs preparing for apple pie bake-offs, knitting races, golf parties, and classes teaching women how their husband’s affairs are entirely their faults.

A fun time is guaranteed for all, but some GOP members have spoken out against the entertainment venues and wish to stick to a more traditional style event. There will be plenty of late night church sermons for those who wish to get their knees dirty for the lord only. [TampaBayTimes]

About the author

Erik Jay is currently unemployed, but has a history of managing various motels and quitting customer service jobs on day 1. He still feels accomplished graduating from a continuation high school in 1989.

View all articles by Erik Jay

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Wow, Bristol Palin changed her hair!!!

    • Radiotherapy

      Is she preggos again too?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    That's a great picture of the Editrix, Erik!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Our Editrix looks like a fucking bombshell and you know it.

      Don't be an ass.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Why should I stop now?

      • BornInATrailer

        Maybe actor thinks big is beautiful.

        Thinist.

      • Blueb4sunrise
      • commiegirl

        You tell em, baby! Plus one thousand for you.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Oh really? Sucking up is the way to go around this mommyblog??

          • Limeylizzie

            Too many women on here for you to make fat jokes about one of them who clearly is fucking hot, I'd do our Editrix.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Lizzie, there ain't a man on this thread who hasn't thought about how many drinks it would take to do said photo'd lady.

            And trust me, they're overestimating.

          • gullywompr

            One.

          • Stevola

            I'd do it sober. If I ever am again.

          • MissTaken

            This isn't Jezebel, no need to "suck up". Just don't be a dick.

          • Guppy

            When has it not?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Tampa’s finest stank."

    Erik, you're new here, so you get a pass. But in future, please use the proper term, skank.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I've been to Tampa. Erik's more accurate.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      i think Erik was using the past tense, which is probably appropriate for Tampa skanks.

  • Madfall

    Scores Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse

    Sounds classy, do I need to reserve in advance?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Only if you want to participate in the 72 oz challenge.

      That's not eating, that's how much you deposit.

    • RedneckMuslin

      This is the GOP coming so they renamed it Scores Gentlemens Club & Tubesteakhouse.

    • Limeylizzie

      I think that's the one where you get to eat filet mignon off Brandi's pudenda.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Her manger?

  • Nostrildamus

    $7 grouper nuggets

    FISHNUTZ !!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      $7????

      Wow. The groupers in Key West charge twice that but at least you get your own locker.

    • NYNYNYjr

      I got $7 grouper nuggets at a strip club in Tampa, and the antibiotics aren't doing anything for them. Can you recommend any effective home remedies?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Every four years, the GOP has a kerfuffle about the convention and the sideline entertainments, and every four years, the party leadership has to remind the rabble that they're whoring themselves out for votes, so they need to allow free market competition

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I understand they've offered Casey Anthony top dollar.

  • DaRooster

    "…$7 grouper nuggets…"

    Shouldn't those be groper nuggets?

    • niblick77

      Most of the attendees will be proclaimed christian conservatives – Sooooooo, it would be grope-his nuggets.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        That's what I thought, too … but $7? I know we're in a recession but c'mon. On second thought, I think grouper (fish) nuggets are some Floridian cuisine.

  • ChernobylSoup

    No.

  • LastGasp

    Hordes of Straight GOPers Fail To Come

    More cocaine, more lube, and more bondage. (Just tryin' to be helpful)

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Not moar santorum?

  • Baconzgood

    Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse? Fuckin' A Bubba! THAT'S WHAT BACONZ TALKIN' ABOUT!

    • DaRooster

      "Come on in and BEAT your meat."

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        How kin ye have any puddin if ye don't beat yer meat?

    • MissTaken

      Ain't got nothing on the SF Penthouse Club & Steakhouse. They think it's going to get a Michelin star (for reals)!
      http://penthousesf.com/steakhouse/

    • GOPCrusher

      Especially if it's one of those steak shacks where you can cook your own steak!

  • edgydrifter

    Republican men prefer the entertainment in the privacy of their hotel rooms, and they usually prefer their entertainers hairless, discreet and well-hung.

    Five minutes of gin-sweat and wriggling followed by three hours of sobbing and prayer, but I hear they pay well.

    • Limeylizzie

      That is beautifully written, you, sir or madam, have a gift.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    That's not a manger, that's the whole barn!!!!!!!!!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "When I said a little off the front, back and sides, I meant my hair, not the stool!"

      • Blueb4sunrise

        When she sits around the house………..

  • Radiotherapy

    Nice stool.

    • chicken_thief

      Sturdy built sumbitch too!!!

      • Radiotherapy

        Yeah, you don't want a loose stool.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It's a testament to how…zaftig…said model is that it's actually a chair turned around backwards. You can see a little of the back peeking over her left boob

      • Radiotherapy

        Is that one of those plus-size "models" I've heard about.

        • gullywompr

          Don't bother me none…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    There’s a place I like to go
    Where everybody knows my name
    Where an ugly man with money
    And a handsome man are treated just the same
    And you can drink a 'leven-dollar Heineken
    Until you get your fill
    And the girls will put a smile upon your face
    For just a dollar bill
    I always seem to get the most attention
    When I’m at the pulse machine
    A girl can make an honest living
    Just as long as she’s eighteen

    ‘Cause I’ve got money to spend but it’s nice to pretend
    Tonight I’m a superstar
    I may be white trash, but if you’ve got the cash
    The girls will love you just as you are—
    DOWN AT THE TITTY BAR!!!

  • chascates

    I bet Republicans at titty joints are pretty shitty tippers.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      They don't over-tip because they want the strippers to know the dignity of work.

    • DaRooster

      And by titty joints you mean anywhere?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Vitter's seat is fuckin' gold, I tell ye. You don't just give it away.

    • Guppy

      Your average Republican titty joint patron has bigger tits than the employees.

    • mrpuma2u

      I heard their lobbyists had to explain that you don't bring rolls of quarters to the nudie bars, and then were forced to bank roll them with singles. Well that's what I heard.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        And their whiny reply was, "Well, that's what we tip at home in Yuma."

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Whatever engineer designed that fishnet should immediatly be given a Nobel prize or something. And then executed.

    • chicken_thief

      Strong enough to hold beluga in check. Sort of….

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    So much misdirected investment, Tampa!

    All you really needed to do is upgrade the mens rooms at the airport.

    Those who will not learn from history…
    ~

  • Not_So_Much

    Steak and high-mileage cooter on the same menu sounds like a dining experience not to be missed. But I think the real action is going to be over at rentboys.com.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Will Limbaugh be flying them in from the Dominican Republic?

  • coolhandnuke

    Alt text…Manatee or manathree

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    upper echelon talent

    Since they're looking for escorts, maybe they should ask the Secret Service. I hear they know the best broads in every city in the world! Hell, I'm thinking of joining just to get access to their little black book!

    Wait…..take a bullet for what now? Who? THE BLAH MAN?!?!?!?!?!?

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I thought the rule was that titties and tater tots didn't mix?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      That's only at kids parties.

    • Callyson

      Tit for tat.

    • bagofmice

      Using tater tots as tassles would make an amusing and tongue twisting burlesque show .

  • HippieEsq

    You just KNOW that the Tea Party guys are terrible tippers….

  • Goonemeritus

    At the risk of fueling further body image dysfunction with women I have to admit that stool does in fact make her ass look big.

  • Boojum

    Strippers are people, too, my friends. Second class people who deserve to and will burn in Hell.

  • Come here a minute

    In honor of the nominee, the whores will be caffeine-free.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    The remodeling will include a portrait of Mary Magdalene. https://picasaweb.google.com/11400799981044075510

  • dijetlo

    Meh…and yet, it's always the 9 year old boys who come home looking like glazed donuts the day after that circus leaves town.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Well, at least the GOP supports one group of single mothers.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      But hey, they know the dignity of selling oneself off to the highest bidder for use work…

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    That's What She Said.

  • MissTaken

    I think the Craigslist Casual Encounters and M4M posts will be what finally earns our Wonkette her Pulitzer.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Certified Drop Catcher! Salt is Good For You! Note: I am worth the Drive"

      For the win.

    • NYNYNYjr

      I would not want to be a bathroom attendant in Tampa looking forward to the future. "I'm sorry Senator, you'll have to leave now." "You can't tell me what to do! This man was just tying my shoe! I'll ruin you!"

  • metamarcisf

    I'm ready. I've already reserved the penthouse suite at the Adult Bookstore Motel.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    The Republicans should let GSA make all the arrangements.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Meanwhile, the RNC is organizing a special IMAX screening of Magic Mike for the Men's Committee.

  • SwanSwanH

    "Feeler calls." Heh.

  • fartknocker

    Those conservative Christians will bring $10.00 and the 10 Commandments and they don't plan on breaking either one them.

  • mavenmaven

    I thought bondage clubs were more the GOP speed…

  • Limeylizzie

    As someone with somewhat abundant curves, when depressed , I think that I look like that woman.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Oddly enough, my depression lifted after reading your comment.

    • MissTaken

      As long as you never have need of a "coin slot detector" you're all good!
      http://www.instructables.com/id/coin-slot-detecto

      • Limeylizzie

        That is so weird, I hope I never need/buy one.

        • MissTaken

          I know! Just use a belt or better yet, wear jeans that have a rise higher than your ass crack.

      • misanthrope

        Good god, I can see the herds of rascal riders storming their local Wal-Mart's for the components for this little miracle. Given the stellar aptitude for engineering most Americans possess (angered by the simplest of Ikea bookshelves), I imagine they would promptly electrocute the hell out of themselves. Hmmm I smell bacon..

        FUUUCK YOU ALLEN WRENCH!

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      You should buy a similar outfit, post some pics and let us be the judge of that. It's really the only way to be sure. Perhaps you could add a young man in an SS uni spanking your ass.

    • Guppy

      While still lacking her apparent self-confidence?

      • Limeylizzie

        I don't really look like that, but on my fat days that is pretty much what I envision. She seems ok with it.

        • gullywompr

          She's not the only one.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      No way in hell, LL. I'm sure you are abs stunning.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    I get my Grouper Nuggets on Craigslist at a much cheaper rate.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Scores is for tourists. The real action is at Mons Venus. So I've heard.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      "Only one thing is moister than an oyster"

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Tampa is getting ready for a Bonanza? Does this mean the ghost of Hoss will be doing blumpkins for customers at the Hotel 6?

  • Arkoday

    Hopefully, there will not be a large number of concerned locals just, you know, standing their ground.
    The visuals of dozens of shoot-outs make me …shudder.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    They're going to raise their prices to take advantage of this Bonanza? Who's going to think about the poor airmen from McDill then??

  • Geminisunmars

    Okay, who hacked into my profile pix?

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Moulin Gouge."

  • BarackMyWorld

    The GOP supports working moms.

    • HippieEsq

      Yes but I hear they plan to tip in the form of Medicare Vouchers only.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "The dignity of work."

  • Callyson

    In Tampa, club operators say they already are seeing positive signs. A customer Rice would not disclose has booked Gold Club sky boxes after flying in to scout Tampa's entertainment venues. Others have asked about renting entire clubs — though most managers say it'll take an unprecedented offer to sideline them from a free-for-all frenzy of guaranteed customers.
    "We've had a few feeler calls," Scores' Zalta said. "It'd have to be the deal of the century to shut it down."

    Call from the Kochs in 3…2…1…

  • Callyson

    Ladies, whatever else you do, be sure to get paid in advance…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And for Newt, it's cash only.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Not to mention anyone from Minnesota.

  • owhatever

    Oh beautiful, for spacious thighs…

  • a_pink_poodle

    The gay strip clubs will be raking in the dough however.

  • OneYieldRegular

    One day of prayin' and six nights of fun,
    The odds against goin' to heaven, six to one.

  • http://wonkette.com Mrspanky

    The reason the 08 MSP convention went bad for the titty bar owners was that they ignored the core.

    I'll leave it to Electric Six's Dick Valentine to explain why:

    "Boy, I wanna take you a gay bar, take you to a gay bar, a gay bar, gay bar. Boy, I want to spend all your money, let me spend all your money, at the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar. Boy, I wanna start a nuclear war, I wanna start a nuclear war, at the gay bar, gay bar….. "

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    … and where are the male strippers?!!!

  • ttommyunger

    Everybody knows Atlanta is the fav…..Strippers here take off everything but their lipstick; so I'm told…

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Alt, alt text: Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses.

    • Negropolis

      However, boys do, in fact, make passes at girls with big asses.

  • Negropolis

    Alternate text FTW! LOL!

  • Smithboy

    I hope Bill Kristol is caught in diapers with a crack whore.

  • oldedinvn

    Please, no more porn what makes me soil my underpants.
    Please, just show pics of Cheney so that I don't not mind having been castrated.

  • WonkCynic

    No worries! After Obarmer implements sharia law, all these stripper joints will be purified and converted into mosques. All of the adulterous infidels on BOTH sides of the partisan game will be beheaded, and you liberal bloggers will be forced to become lady-boys for your Muslin overlords. You'll enjoy wearing your crotchless burkas.