Tampa, Fla – Churches, bathroom stalls and NAMBLA can take a well-deserved five. The GOP circus is coming to Tampa and the city’s finer purveyor of tittay are hauling them out and boosting them up in preparation! There is so much business expected, businesses are working in harmony, helping out their competitors, and city residents are welcoming the influx in greazy cash.
Tampa Gold Club and Scores Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse are two of the better known clubs in town. Both have been gearing up for the onslaught of normal, family-oriented, churchgoing, upstanding members of society. Club remodels are underway, with upgrades in everything from furniture, lighting and booze to higher end strippers with fewer thigh bruises. Boobs and booze may scare some off, but with a little luck all of these upgrades will provide a show that will tickle even the most staunch right wingers. To make things even hotter, the strippers are going to be paid 70 cents for every dollar a male would earn.
Stripper clubs are not known for gouging their customers, but some clubs are experimenting with the idea of $450 per hour private room rentals, $7 grouper nuggets, $18 osso bucco, limo rentals and guided tours of the female anatomy. Higher end recruiting practices are being used to recruit some of Tampa’s finest stank. CraigsList, Backpage and Facebook are among the ‘Cadillac’ sites that are being scoured for upper echelon talent.
And ladies, you have not been forgotten. There are clubs preparing for apple pie bake-offs, knitting races, golf parties, and classes teaching women how their husband’s affairs are entirely their faults.
A fun time is guaranteed for all, but some GOP members have spoken out against the entertainment venues and wish to stick to a more traditional style event. There will be plenty of late night church sermons for those who wish to get their knees dirty for the lord only. [TampaBayTimes]
{ 127 comments }
Wow, Bristol Palin changed her hair!!!
Is she preggos again too?
That's a great picture of the Editrix, Erik!
Our Editrix looks like a fucking bombshell and you know it.
Don't be an ass.
Why should I stop now?
Maybe actor thinks big is beautiful.
Thinist.
?
http://www.history.com/images/media/slideshow/hir…
You tell em, baby! Plus one thousand for you.
Oh really? Sucking up is the way to go around this mommyblog??
Too many women on here for you to make fat jokes about one of them who clearly is fucking hot, I'd do our Editrix.
This isn't Jezebel, no need to "suck up". Just don't be a dick.
When has it not?
"Tampa’s finest stank."
Erik, you're new here, so you get a pass. But in future, please use the proper term, skank.
I've been to Tampa. Erik's more accurate.
i think Erik was using the past tense, which is probably appropriate for Tampa skanks.
Sounds classy, do I need to reserve in advance?
Only if you want to participate in the 72 oz challenge.
That's not eating, that's how much you deposit.
This is the GOP coming so they renamed it Scores Gentlemens Club & Tubesteakhouse.
I think that's the one where you get to eat filet mignon off Brandi's pudenda.
Her manger?
$7 grouper nuggets
FISHNUTZ !!
$7????
Wow. The groupers in Key West charge twice that but at least you get your own locker.
I got $7 grouper nuggets at a strip club in Tampa, and the antibiotics aren't doing anything for them. Can you recommend any effective home remedies?
Every four years, the GOP has a kerfuffle about the convention and the sideline entertainments, and every four years, the party leadership has to remind the rabble that they're whoring themselves out for votes, so they need to allow free market competition
I understand they've offered Casey Anthony top dollar.
"…$7 grouper nuggets…"
Shouldn't those be groper nuggets?
Most of the attendees will be proclaimed christian conservatives – Sooooooo, it would be grope-his nuggets.
That's what I thought, too … but $7? I know we're in a recession but c'mon. On second thought, I think grouper (fish) nuggets are some Floridian cuisine.
No.
Hordes of Straight GOPers Fail To Come
More cocaine, more lube, and more bondage. (Just tryin' to be helpful)
Not moar santorum?
Gentlemen’s Club & Steakhouse? Fuckin' A Bubba! THAT'S WHAT BACONZ TALKIN' ABOUT!
"Come on in and
BEAT your meat."How kin ye have any puddin if ye don't beat yer meat?
Ain't got nothing on the SF Penthouse Club & Steakhouse. They think it's going to get a Michelin star (for reals)!
http://penthousesf.com/steakhouse/
Especially if it's one of those steak shacks where you can cook your own steak!
Republican men prefer the entertainment in the privacy of their hotel rooms, and they usually prefer their entertainers hairless, discreet and well-hung.
Five minutes of gin-sweat and wriggling followed by three hours of sobbing and prayer, but I hear they pay well.
That is beautifully written, you, sir or madam, have a gift.
That's not a manger, that's the whole barn!!!!!!!!!
"When I said a little off the front, back and sides, I meant my hair, not the stool!"
When she sits around the house………..
Nice stool.
Sturdy built sumbitch too!!!
Yeah, you don't want a loose stool.
It's a testament to how…zaftig…said model is that it's actually a chair turned around backwards. You can see a little of the back peeking over her left boob
Is that one of those plus-size "models" I've heard about.
Don't bother me none…
There’s a place I like to go
Where everybody knows my name
Where an ugly man with money
And a handsome man are treated just the same
And you can drink a 'leven-dollar Heineken
Until you get your fill
And the girls will put a smile upon your face
For just a dollar bill
I always seem to get the most attention
When I’m at the pulse machine
A girl can make an honest living
Just as long as she’s eighteen
‘Cause I’ve got money to spend but it’s nice to pretend
Tonight I’m a superstar
I may be white trash, but if you’ve got the cash
The girls will love you just as you are—
DOWN AT THE TITTY BAR!!!
I bet Republicans at titty joints are pretty shitty tippers.
They don't over-tip because they want the strippers to know the dignity of work.
And by titty joints you mean anywhere?
Vitter's seat is fuckin' gold, I tell ye. You don't just give it away.
Your average Republican titty joint patron has bigger tits than the employees.
I heard their lobbyists had to explain that you don't bring rolls of quarters to the nudie bars, and then were forced to bank roll them with singles. Well that's what I heard.
And their whiny reply was, "Well, that's what we tip at home in Yuma."
Whatever engineer designed that fishnet should immediatly be given a Nobel prize or something. And then executed.
Strong enough to hold beluga in check. Sort of….
So much misdirected investment, Tampa!
All you really needed to do is upgrade the mens rooms at the airport.
Those who will not learn from history…
~
Steak and high-mileage cooter on the same menu sounds like a dining experience not to be missed. But I think the real action is going to be over at rentboys.com.
Will Limbaugh be flying them in from the Dominican Republic?
Alt text…Manatee or manathree
upper echelon talent
Since they're looking for escorts, maybe they should ask the Secret Service. I hear they know the best broads in every city in the world! Hell, I'm thinking of joining just to get access to their little black book!
Wait…..take a bullet for what now? Who? THE BLAH MAN?!?!?!?!?!?
I thought the rule was that titties and tater tots didn't mix?
That's only at kids parties.
Tit for tat.
Using tater tots as tassles would make an amusing and tongue twisting burlesque show .
You just KNOW that the Tea Party guys are terrible tippers….
At the risk of fueling further body image dysfunction with women I have to admit that stool does in fact make her ass look big.
Strippers are people, too, my friends. Second class people who deserve to and will burn in Hell.
In honor of the nominee, the whores will be caffeine-free.
The remodeling will include a portrait of Mary Magdalene. https://picasaweb.google.com/11400799981044075510…
Meh…and yet, it's always the 9 year old boys who come home looking like glazed donuts the day after that circus leaves town.
Well, at least the GOP supports one group of single mothers.
But hey, they know the dignity of
selling oneself off to the highest bidder for usework…That's What She Said.
I think the Craigslist Casual Encounters and M4M posts will be what finally earns our Wonkette her Pulitzer.
"Certified Drop Catcher! Salt is Good For You! Note: I am worth the Drive"
For the win.
I would not want to be a bathroom attendant in Tampa looking forward to the future. "I'm sorry Senator, you'll have to leave now." "You can't tell me what to do! This man was just tying my shoe! I'll ruin you!"
I'm ready. I've already reserved the penthouse suite at the Adult Bookstore Motel.
The Republicans should let GSA make all the arrangements.
Meanwhile, the RNC is organizing a special IMAX screening of Magic Mike for the Men's Committee.
"Feeler calls." Heh.
Those conservative Christians will bring $10.00 and the 10 Commandments and they don't plan on breaking either one them.
I thought bondage clubs were more the GOP speed…
As someone with somewhat abundant curves, when depressed , I think that I look like that woman.
Oddly enough, my depression lifted after reading your comment.
As long as you never have need of a "coin slot detector" you're all good!
http://www.instructables.com/id/coin-slot-detecto…
That is so weird, I hope I never need/buy one.
I know! Just use a belt or better yet, wear jeans that have a rise higher than your ass crack.
Good god, I can see the herds of rascal riders storming their local Wal-Mart's for the components for this little miracle. Given the stellar aptitude for engineering most Americans possess (angered by the simplest of Ikea bookshelves), I imagine they would promptly electrocute the hell out of themselves. Hmmm I smell bacon..
FUUUCK YOU ALLEN WRENCH!
You should buy a similar outfit, post some pics and let us be the judge of that. It's really the only way to be sure. Perhaps you could add a young man in an SS uni spanking your ass.
Obviously NSFW http://www.spanked-in-uniform.com/
Never again.
While still lacking her apparent self-confidence?
I don't really look like that, but on my fat days that is pretty much what I envision. She seems ok with it.
She's not the only one.
No way in hell, LL. I'm sure you are abs stunning.
I get my Grouper Nuggets on Craigslist at a much cheaper rate.
Scores is for tourists. The real action is at Mons Venus. So I've heard.
"Only one thing is moister than an oyster"
Tampa is getting ready for a Bonanza? Does this mean the ghost of Hoss will be doing blumpkins for customers at the Hotel 6?
Hopefully, there will not be a large number of concerned locals just, you know, standing their ground.
The visuals of dozens of shoot-outs make me …shudder.
They're going to raise their prices to take advantage of this Bonanza? Who's going to think about the poor airmen from McDill then??
Okay, who hacked into my profile pix?
"Moulin Gouge."
The GOP supports working moms.
Yes but I hear they plan to tip in the form of Medicare Vouchers only.
"The dignity of work."
In Tampa, club operators say they already are seeing positive signs. A customer Rice would not disclose has booked Gold Club sky boxes after flying in to scout Tampa's entertainment venues. Others have asked about renting entire clubs — though most managers say it'll take an unprecedented offer to sideline them from a free-for-all frenzy of guaranteed customers.
"We've had a few feeler calls," Scores' Zalta said. "It'd have to be the deal of the century to shut it down."
Call from the Kochs in 3…2…1…
Ladies, whatever else you do, be sure to get paid in advance…
And for Newt, it's cash only.
Not to mention anyone from Minnesota.
Oh beautiful, for spacious thighs…
The gay strip clubs will be raking in the dough however.
One day of prayin' and six nights of fun,
The odds against goin' to heaven, six to one.
The reason the 08 MSP convention went bad for the titty bar owners was that they ignored the core.
I'll leave it to Electric Six's Dick Valentine to explain why:
"Boy, I wanna take you a gay bar, take you to a gay bar, a gay bar, gay bar. Boy, I want to spend all your money, let me spend all your money, at the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar. Boy, I wanna start a nuclear war, I wanna start a nuclear war, at the gay bar, gay bar….. "
… and where are the male strippers?!!!
Everybody knows Atlanta is the fav…..Strippers here take off everything but their lipstick; so I'm told…
Alt, alt text: Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses.
However, boys do, in fact, make passes at girls with big asses.
Alternate text FTW! LOL!
I hope Bill Kristol is caught in diapers with a crack whore.
Please, no more porn what makes me soil my underpants.
Please, just show pics of Cheney so that I don't not mind having been castrated.
No worries! After Obarmer implements sharia law, all these stripper joints will be purified and converted into mosques. All of the adulterous infidels on BOTH sides of the partisan game will be beheaded, and you liberal bloggers will be forced to become lady-boys for your Muslin overlords. You'll enjoy wearing your crotchless burkas.
Lizzie, there ain't a man on this thread who hasn't thought about how many drinks it would take to do said photo'd lady.
And trust me, they're overestimating.
One.
I'd do it sober. If I ever am again.
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