BUSH'S BALLS  4:22 pm April 21, 2012

Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Gladdens Democrat Hearts With Vague ‘Maybe’ To Veep Question

by Erik Jay

The smart oneWest Palm Beach, Fla – Y’all ready to see if George H.W. Bush’s testes can ruin the world (again)? Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush says he might prove it by considering a shot at the veep spot, if asked nicely by Willard. But he doesn’t think Willard likes him that way. That’s ok, because even though Jeb would consider it, he doesn’t know if it would be the right thing. That’s how them Bushies think.

Jeb’s mental prowess has allowed him to answer the difficult questions only a potential commander-in-chief can fulfill. At almost light speed and spot-on precision, he told America, “I would consider it” then, shortly after, “I am not going to be the veep nominee. Lay that to rest.” Then, he laid it all out for America when he ended the day with, “I guess I wasn’t clear enough.”

The Bush family knows a thing or two about thug life. Jeb is just one member of the Bush Brigade and has already shown Florida what a gangster governor can do. Jeb has always been the smart one, Dubya the special one and Neil the scud. There are other Bushies out there, but they’re busy doing other things.

Strategery runs deep in the Bush family and Jeb used his Floridian Geriatric Mindlock by endorsing other people for the role. He touted the qualifications of U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida for the second spot on the ticket. A Romnubio duo would play out rather well in Jeb’s mind, but that won’t stop Jeb from competing against him if he is asked to be considered as veep. Also being empowered with Floridian Geriatric Mindlock superpowers, Rubio fired back with his own statement.

“If in four, five, six, seven years from now, if I do a good job as vice president — I’m sorry, as senator — I’ll have the chance to do all sorts of things.”

Jeb is playing it smart and alluding to being interested in the veep seat while also making comments about not being interested in the veep seat. Willard uses a very similar strategy and the two may a formidable dynamic duo that will lead America into a new era of ‘uhhhh’. Jeb’s poker face is leaving this whole thing a mystery for now, but Twitter has captured a wealth of information leading to a definitive answer of ‘Yes he is not going to be interested in saying no.’

The Spanish translation of his recent dialogue with America can be read in next month’s article of ‘¿Qué dijo él?’ Magazine. [HuffPo]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 111 comments }

EtchySketchy April 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Mission accomplished.

Me_K_Cong April 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm

It will be Jeb. It has to be Jeb. It can be no one but Jeb. All hail Jeb.

Abbystinence April 21, 2012 at 4:37 pm

AND The Spanish translation of "The Savings and Loan Scandal cost American tax payers over $1.4 TRILLION dollars" is "De Ahorro y Préstamo pagadores de impuestos americanos escándalo le costó más de 1,4 billones de dólares"

BarackMyWorld April 21, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Was Jeb involved in that too? I thought it was just Neil.

flamingpdog April 21, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Just Neil, unless Jebby was a silent partner. Neil didn't say much, either – he was just there on the Board of Directors to keep the other thugs outta jail. The former Silverado Building is just down the street from where I work. It was still the Silverado Building for a number of years after the scandal broke before they finally took the sign off the top of the high-rise office building.

Toomush_Infer April 21, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Pretty sure it is really: "Que pas, Amigo?" – "Nada, pas a nada…."

Boojum April 21, 2012 at 10:05 pm

How do you say, "What the FUCK?" in Mexican? Or Cuban, for that matter?

redarmyzombie April 21, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I believe one possible formulation would be "Que la CARAJO?" Depending upon regional parlance, of course.

BTWBFDIMHO April 21, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Trillones o billones ?

V572 Fehrnstrom April 21, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Should the Bush veep-candidacy go forward, history will record 21 April 2012 as the day Romney found the one and only thing that could ensure Obama's re-election.

EtchySketchy April 21, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Come on you guys, who volunteers to co-pilot the Titanic?

… someone? … anyone?

Abbystinence April 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Anyone with the surname of Bush is an idiot in my book.

Blueb4sunrise April 21, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Not Sam.

BornInATrailer April 21, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Or Jay.

Mmm… beans.

BarackMyWorld April 21, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Roll that beautiful bean footage!

doloras April 21, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Or Kate.

Butch_Wagstaff April 21, 2012 at 9:18 pm

When George H. W. was VP & then President, there was a crazy old lady in my hometown who claimed she was one of his aunts. She was a massive hoarder & she'd throw all her trash in her backyard. When she died they found an altar to Ronnie Reagan in her living room (it had a poster of Reagan surrounded by pictures of Jesus & angels). There were candles on both sides of it that thankfully had never been lit. Otherwise, I'm sure the whole place would have went up in flames due to all the stacks of newspapers & other crap.
After W's reign, I've often thought that maybe she was related to George the First.

Boojum April 21, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Does your book have writing, with words? If so, it has nothing to do with the Bush Bros.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:57 am

Billy Bush, FTW.

not that Dewey April 21, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Willard/Rats 2012!

fartknocker April 21, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Rick Perry. He can schedule a Prayer-A-Palooza while the boat is sinking.

anniegetyerfun April 22, 2012 at 11:45 am

While he is incredibly stupid, and thus perfect for the role, I think that Mittens is still smarting from the "I'm not a betting man" during the debates.

Barb April 21, 2012 at 4:44 pm

According to Florida voting machines, he's already won.

flamingpdog April 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm

He's doesn't have Katie Harris around to help him anymore. Not sure which self-destructed first, her brain or her boobs.

nounverb911 April 21, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Isn't she back from Chad yet?

Callyson April 21, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Can't resist…AOTK.

i_AM_ready April 21, 2012 at 5:32 pm

This just in–Jeb victory certified by Nino, Sleepy, Dorky, and the other 2 Republicans on the Supreme Court.

Radiotherapy April 21, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Thanks Barb for opening up all the hanging chad jokes. And Katherine Harris also, too, the OG GOP Female Lackey.

Barb April 21, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I live to serve, Buddy!

Butch_Wagstaff April 21, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Whatever happened to Harris after her failed Senate run? Is she now holed up in her house in some gated FL community listening to the voice of God?

Jukesgrrl April 22, 2012 at 12:20 am

Yes, in a $3.9-million, 23,600 square-foot waterfront home on Bay Point Drive in Sarasota (which she claims needs to be renovated). When she is not attending something called Calvary Chapel in Sarasota (she rejected the Presbyterian Church of her quite religious childhood as "too liberal), Kitty is reportedly still be deposed in various lawsuits dating back to her "service" to her country.

Isyaignert April 22, 2012 at 1:33 am

Their cousin said it on Fux News so it must be trew…

el_donaldo April 21, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Does that mean we're governed by a plutocracy or an aristocracy?

Somebody needs to make up a fancy Latin term for old-rich-inheritance-white-guy-ocracy.

flamingpdog April 21, 2012 at 5:29 pm

They already have a word for it – kleptocracy.

Toomush_Infer April 21, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Bushocracy?… or is that the acronym for stupid?…I forget when I'm drinking Cuba Libres….

el_donaldo April 21, 2012 at 10:08 pm

My favorite has always been Charles Olson's "pejorocracy," rule by the worst, from his poem the Kingfishers, but I don't bring it out often because then people realize that I'm a dork.

anniegetyerfun April 22, 2012 at 11:46 am

A dork on Wonkette? This has never happened before in the history of the world and the internet.

glamourdammerung April 21, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Seriously though, is Jeb, Paul Ryan, or Rubio the most toxic (non-Palin) pick that people have seriously suggested?

BarackMyWorld April 21, 2012 at 5:06 pm

On a scale of super-toxic to very toxic:
1. Jeb
2. Ryan
3. Rubio

flamingpdog April 21, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Three-way tie for 4. Chris Christie.

Crank_Tango April 21, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Is this determined by weight or by volume?

glamourdammerung April 21, 2012 at 7:14 pm

He seems pretty non-interested in it. Especially after someone told him it would involve a small degree of physical effort.

Butch_Wagstaff April 21, 2012 at 8:20 pm

You forgot Bob McDonnell. Bobby wants to get it from Mittens really bad.

Boojum April 21, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Ew?

EtchySketchy April 21, 2012 at 4:52 pm

That's the Silver-spoon and Stoopid votes locked down.

Boojum April 21, 2012 at 10:09 pm

So…how many is that?

GunToting[Redacted] April 22, 2012 at 10:15 am

AOTK.

soeoho April 21, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Jeb Jeb he's our man, Mittens win is in the can!
JeeBush fricken christopher! Apocalypse now…?

Barb April 21, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Having a Bush in DC is like Caddyshack movies, they should have stopped at one.

Radiotherapy April 21, 2012 at 6:12 pm

The funny thing is that the wingtards HATED Bush Sr. What with his tax hikes and peace dividend and compassion. You think they would have stopped at one, I guess it shows how malleable and lame Dubya was that he wasn't purged along with daddy.

ttommyunger April 22, 2012 at 9:28 am

NO SHIT! unwatchable.

bumfug April 21, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Jeb's slogan: "Because We Think You're Just That Fucking Dumb".

SayItWithWookies April 21, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Oh, a brother of Dubya would just be a dream VP candidate. None of my other dream selections — Sarah Palin again, Jack Abramoff, Darrell Issa, Tom Delay, Michele Bachmann, Dick Cheney, James Inhofe — are even the least bit credible as possibilities, so Jeb would be a treat.

Actually, Mitt might pick Bachmann, which would be pretty awesome all by itself. I'd love to see hard-hitting journalist Sarah Palin do an interview with Bachmann that Michele complained about containing too many gotcha questions.

EtchySketchy April 21, 2012 at 5:04 pm

My favoritest fantasy VP pick: Walnuts McCain.

SockBunny April 21, 2012 at 5:36 pm

That's a great fantasy. May I share?

Butch_Wagstaff April 21, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Ooh, ooh…how about Allen West? I'm sure he'd get the blah vote.

EtchySketchy April 21, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Hurry up and make a choice, Mitt. Cheney needs to know which soul to possess.

Dashboard Buddha April 21, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Mitt cannot not posses people's souls. As a Sucker of Satan's Cock, he can only collect them for the Dark One.

BarackMyWorld April 21, 2012 at 5:10 pm

You know, technically their dad is eligible, since he only got one term.

I also like how the beltway in-crowd keeps bringing up Rob Portman and Mitch Daniels, as if either weren't also Bush cronies.

flamingpdog April 21, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Techniclly, brother Dubya is eligible, too, also, since he was only elected once.

glamourdammerung April 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm

The funny thing with Portman is that I am not aware of any suggesting that they supported him. So there is all this "serious talk" about Portman from some random anonymous person it seems.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 2:02 am

Portman is a media choice. I notice Chuck Todd the other day interviewing the guy and pushing the "is he/or isn't he" in consideration bullshit. They do this every cycl with some no-name "moderate" Senator, and it's almost always Senators, these days.

flamingpdog April 21, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Jebbie's eldest son, George P., turned 35 last year. Bush Trek: The Next Generation

nounverb911 April 21, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Jukesgrrl April 22, 2012 at 12:01 am

I would prefer Ferengis … or even The Borg.

OneYieldRegular April 21, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Is it going to be a maverick this time?

not that Dewey April 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Naw; James Garner and Roger Moore are both avowed lefties. They would never consider helping Romney.

nounverb911 April 21, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Is Mel Gibson teabagish enough?

not that Dewey April 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Most definitely. Sign him up!

nounverb911 April 21, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Is Jeb's daughter out of rehab yet?

not that Dewey April 21, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Jeb is an acronym. Does "John Bush" have any marketing potential? Let's get Lunz on that right now.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 2:03 am

Yeah, no kidding. I've always that if he came back, they'd be pushing him as "John Ellis" to make him seem new-like. There is no way he's going to go in as "Jeb." "Dubya" killed any chance of any Bush running with a nickname for this generation of Bushes.

Toomush_Infer April 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

John Bush is just his stage name…..

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2012 at 2:00 am

Anthrax Libel!!!

Beowoof April 21, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Smart and evil or stupid and evil, either way with a Bush in government you can count on evil.

fartknocker April 21, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Jeb is a major advocate of privatizing public schools and relying on internet-based education, which has be found to be less than stellar:
http://motherjones.com/mojo/2011/10/virtual-class

Jeb also passed Florida's "Terri Law," which allowed the State to intervene in all future cases similar to Terri Schivo.

Jeb was born in Midland, Texas so he drank the same water that his brother W drank. There is something in the water in Midland that makes people very conservative, God fearing, and not very open to science or reality. This should work well for the American electorate.

Sparky McGruff April 21, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Maybe you could blame it on the petrochemical waste in the water, or the liter of Gin that Mama Babs drank every day when she was pregnant. But whatever the case, it seems pretty clear that something didn't go together right when their brains were being formed.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 2:05 am

You'd think they'd be more open to science and reality since the entire town is built on the transformation of old dinosaur bones into fuel.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 21, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Jeb is to the Bushes as Jethro Bodine was to the Clampettes.

Milburne Drysdale: I'm president of a bank.
Jethro: Wow, can I be president of a bank too?
Jed Clampett: Jethro that was a mighty disrespectful thing to say to Mr. Drysdale. Ask if you can be vice president.

cheaphits April 21, 2012 at 6:58 pm

George H.W. Bush's family seems to have more skeletons in it than Charlie Manson's, doesn't it?

Butch_Wagstaff April 21, 2012 at 9:06 pm

There's more than just skeletons in the Bush closets.

johnnyzhivago April 21, 2012 at 7:03 pm

What could possibly go wrong with a Bush in the White House??????????

LibrulEleet April 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm

At least he'd be a better veep than his dad's veep.

Toomush_Infer April 21, 2012 at 7:17 pm

HEY!!!…It's Saturday…..new posts?????….thanks, Wonkette (Earl vs. Evil)…..now you can find out how we sound when we're realllly wasted…..

rocktonsam April 21, 2012 at 7:26 pm

yes those Bush boys, one has a horses face and the other is a horses ass

Butch_Wagstaff April 21, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Which one is the horse's dingus? Neil? Billy Bush?

Vecchiojohn April 21, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Charles Coslon is dead. (Ask your grandfather.) (Note: I'm not gloating.)

JustPixelz April 21, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Based on what he's said, Romney is running to be Dubya's third term so having a Bush on the ticket can only help with that message.

DemmeFatale April 21, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Could it be?!
Could the most excellent "BILLIONAIRES FOR BUSH" return?!
(I love that one-percenter satire!)

Man0nTheStreet April 21, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Well, since Orrin Hatch is getting teabagged, he's ready to bring much-needed youth, energy and charm to the VP slot on the Romney 2012 ticket…

…if not Hatch, Chuck Colson has experiences & qualities ReThugs just lurve

what?

WHAT?

WHA – … Oh really ? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Texan_Bulldog April 21, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Well, according to all of the ads on the progressive blogs I visit, Julia Louis Dreyfus has already been picked for VP.

DahBoner April 22, 2012 at 12:43 pm

War, what is it good for? Huh?

chascates April 21, 2012 at 8:50 pm

No way could Jeb have all the daddy issues and dry drunk persona of his brother. He'd just be a common GOP hack. After Cheney the Republican VEEP candidate must be capable of bloody backstabbing, ruthless disregard for the law and the Constitution, and a demented desire to help people who've given him money.

SHIT! There's still a lot of those around!

BTWBFDIMHO April 21, 2012 at 9:11 pm

1% + 1% = McsuperPAC.

trampndirtdown April 21, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Will go over about as well as the McDLT also.

barto April 21, 2012 at 10:06 pm

let's just skip the formalities and crown him president.

Boojum April 21, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I'm voting Victoria Jackson, on InTrade.

littlebigdaddy April 21, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Jeb/fetus jar 2020!

Limeylizzie April 22, 2012 at 12:02 am

Well I want it to be Portman, so I can say 'The bland leading the bland" until November when they lose.

flamingpdog April 22, 2012 at 1:34 am

You know any good dumb bland jokes?

Jukesgrrl April 22, 2012 at 12:06 am

“I would consider it” … “I am not going to be the veep nominee. Lay that to rest.” … “I guess I wasn’t clear enough.”

Wow, another Republican candidate with stellar skills in communication.

Oops.

Jukesgrrl April 22, 2012 at 12:08 am

Alt text for photo: Quien es más plastered?

greenide1 April 22, 2012 at 12:45 am

Do the Republicans have meetings where they and their idiot "advisors" sit around in a circle and decide what would be the stupidest thing they could possibly do…and then do it? Like let's annoy all the women. And the Hispanics. And the sane people. Hey, let's put another Bush on the ticket! Yeah, that's the ticket.

gurukalehuru April 22, 2012 at 2:00 am

Not to worry. Whoever Mittens chooses, it will be a Republican.

ttommyunger April 22, 2012 at 9:30 am

A Bush by any other name is still fucked-in-the-head.

DahBoner April 22, 2012 at 12:42 pm

It doesn't matter who the VP is, as long as Katherine Harris does the counting, comrade…

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 2:07 am

In Soviet Russia, vote counts you!

Wait, wah?

BZ1 April 22, 2012 at 11:01 pm

There's a smart one?

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 2:09 am

I know, I know; it's like being the tallest 5-year-old.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 1:55 am

America ain't electin' no "Jeb" to nothin', thank the FSM. "Dubya" proved to be one diminutive too far.

BornInATrailer April 21, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Careful, Obama will eat Jake!

/palinoff

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