Bush's Balls

Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Gladdens Democrat Hearts With Vague ‘Maybe’ To Veep Question

The smart oneWest Palm Beach, Fla – Y’all ready to see if George H.W. Bush’s testes can ruin the world (again)? Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush says he might prove it by considering a shot at the veep spot, if asked nicely by Willard. But he doesn’t think Willard likes him that way. That’s ok, because even though Jeb would consider it, he doesn’t know if it would be the right thing. That’s how them Bushies think.

Jeb’s mental prowess has allowed him to answer the difficult questions only a potential commander-in-chief can fulfill. At almost light speed and spot-on precision, he told America, “I would consider it” then, shortly after, “I am not going to be the veep nominee. Lay that to rest.” Then, he laid it all out for America when he ended the day with, “I guess I wasn’t clear enough.”

The Bush family knows a thing or two about thug life. Jeb is just one member of the Bush Brigade and has already shown Florida what a gangster governor can do. Jeb has always been the smart one, Dubya the special one and Neil the scud. There are other Bushies out there, but they’re busy doing other things.

Strategery runs deep in the Bush family and Jeb used his Floridian Geriatric Mindlock by endorsing other people for the role. He touted the qualifications of U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida for the second spot on the ticket. A Romnubio duo would play out rather well in Jeb’s mind, but that won’t stop Jeb from competing against him if he is asked to be considered as veep. Also being empowered with Floridian Geriatric Mindlock superpowers, Rubio fired back with his own statement.

“If in four, five, six, seven years from now, if I do a good job as vice president — I’m sorry, as senator — I’ll have the chance to do all sorts of things.”

Jeb is playing it smart and alluding to being interested in the veep seat while also making comments about not being interested in the veep seat. Willard uses a very similar strategy and the two may a formidable dynamic duo that will lead America into a new era of ‘uhhhh’. Jeb’s poker face is leaving this whole thing a mystery for now, but Twitter has captured a wealth of information leading to a definitive answer of ‘Yes he is not going to be interested in saying no.’

The Spanish translation of his recent dialogue with America can be read in next month’s article of ‘¿Qué dijo él?’ Magazine. [HuffPo]

About the author

Erik Jay is currently unemployed, but has a history of managing various motels and quitting customer service jobs on day 1. He still feels accomplished graduating from a continuation high school in 1989.

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  • EtchySketchy

    Mission accomplished.

  • Me_K_Cong

    It will be Jeb. It has to be Jeb. It can be no one but Jeb. All hail Jeb.

  • Abbystinence

    AND The Spanish translation of "The Savings and Loan Scandal cost American tax payers over $1.4 TRILLION dollars" is "De Ahorro y Préstamo pagadores de impuestos americanos escándalo le costó más de 1,4 billones de dólares"

    • BarackMyWorld

      Was Jeb involved in that too? I thought it was just Neil.

      • flamingpdog

        Just Neil, unless Jebby was a silent partner. Neil didn't say much, either – he was just there on the Board of Directors to keep the other thugs outta jail. The former Silverado Building is just down the street from where I work. It was still the Silverado Building for a number of years after the scandal broke before they finally took the sign off the top of the high-rise office building.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Pretty sure it is really: "Que pas, Amigo?" – "Nada, pas a nada…."

      • Boojum

        How do you say, "What the FUCK?" in Mexican? Or Cuban, for that matter?

        • redarmyzombie

          I believe one possible formulation would be "Que la CARAJO?" Depending upon regional parlance, of course.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Trillones o billones ?

  • V572 Fehrnstrom

    Should the Bush veep-candidacy go forward, history will record 21 April 2012 as the day Romney found the one and only thing that could ensure Obama's re-election.

  • EtchySketchy

    Come on you guys, who volunteers to co-pilot the Titanic?

    … someone? … anyone?

    • Abbystinence

      Anyone with the surname of Bush is an idiot in my book.

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Not Sam.

        • BornInATrailer

          Or Jay.

          Mmm… beans.

          • BarackMyWorld

            Roll that beautiful bean footage!

          • BornInATrailer

            Careful, Obama will eat Jake!

            /palinoff

          • doloras

            Or Kate.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        When George H. W. was VP & then President, there was a crazy old lady in my hometown who claimed she was one of his aunts. She was a massive hoarder & she'd throw all her trash in her backyard. When she died they found an altar to Ronnie Reagan in her living room (it had a poster of Reagan surrounded by pictures of Jesus & angels). There were candles on both sides of it that thankfully had never been lit. Otherwise, I'm sure the whole place would have went up in flames due to all the stacks of newspapers & other crap.
        After W's reign, I've often thought that maybe she was related to George the First.

      • Boojum

        Does your book have writing, with words? If so, it has nothing to do with the Bush Bros.

      • Negropolis

        Billy Bush, FTW.

    • not that Dewey

      Willard/Rats 2012!

    • fartknocker

      Rick Perry. He can schedule a Prayer-A-Palooza while the boat is sinking.

      • anniegetyerfun

        While he is incredibly stupid, and thus perfect for the role, I think that Mittens is still smarting from the "I'm not a betting man" during the debates.

  • Barb

    According to Florida voting machines, he's already won.

    • flamingpdog

      He's doesn't have Katie Harris around to help him anymore. Not sure which self-destructed first, her brain or her boobs.

      • nounverb911

        Isn't she back from Chad yet?

      • Callyson

        Can't resist…AOTK.

    • i_AM_ready

      This just in–Jeb victory certified by Nino, Sleepy, Dorky, and the other 2 Republicans on the Supreme Court.

    • Radiotherapy

      Thanks Barb for opening up all the hanging chad jokes. And Katherine Harris also, too, the OG GOP Female Lackey.

      • Barb

        I live to serve, Buddy!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Whatever happened to Harris after her failed Senate run? Is she now holed up in her house in some gated FL community listening to the voice of God?

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Yes, in a $3.9-million, 23,600 square-foot waterfront home on Bay Point Drive in Sarasota (which she claims needs to be renovated). When she is not attending something called Calvary Chapel in Sarasota (she rejected the Presbyterian Church of her quite religious childhood as "too liberal), Kitty is reportedly still be deposed in various lawsuits dating back to her "service" to her country.

    • Isyaignert

      Their cousin said it on Fux News so it must be trew…

  • el_donaldo

    Does that mean we're governed by a plutocracy or an aristocracy?

    Somebody needs to make up a fancy Latin term for old-rich-inheritance-white-guy-ocracy.

    • flamingpdog

      They already have a word for it – kleptocracy.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Bushocracy?… or is that the acronym for stupid?…I forget when I'm drinking Cuba Libres….

    • el_donaldo

      My favorite has always been Charles Olson's "pejorocracy," rule by the worst, from his poem the Kingfishers, but I don't bring it out often because then people realize that I'm a dork.

      • anniegetyerfun

        A dork on Wonkette? This has never happened before in the history of the world and the internet.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Seriously though, is Jeb, Paul Ryan, or Rubio the most toxic (non-Palin) pick that people have seriously suggested?

    • BarackMyWorld

      On a scale of super-toxic to very toxic:
      1. Jeb
      2. Ryan
      3. Rubio

      • flamingpdog

        Three-way tie for 4. Chris Christie.

        • Crank_Tango

          Is this determined by weight or by volume?

        • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

          He seems pretty non-interested in it. Especially after someone told him it would involve a small degree of physical effort.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      You forgot Bob McDonnell. Bobby wants to get it from Mittens really bad.

      • Boojum

        Ew?

  • EtchySketchy

    That's the Silver-spoon and Stoopid votes locked down.

    • Boojum

      So…how many is that?

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        AOTK.

  • soeoho

    Jeb Jeb he's our man, Mittens win is in the can!
    JeeBush fricken christopher! Apocalypse now…?

  • Barb

    Having a Bush in DC is like Caddyshack movies, they should have stopped at one.

    • Radiotherapy

      The funny thing is that the wingtards HATED Bush Sr. What with his tax hikes and peace dividend and compassion. You think they would have stopped at one, I guess it shows how malleable and lame Dubya was that he wasn't purged along with daddy.

    • ttommyunger

      NO SHIT! unwatchable.

  • bumfug

    Jeb's slogan: "Because We Think You're Just That Fucking Dumb".

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, a brother of Dubya would just be a dream VP candidate. None of my other dream selections — Sarah Palin again, Jack Abramoff, Darrell Issa, Tom Delay, Michele Bachmann, Dick Cheney, James Inhofe — are even the least bit credible as possibilities, so Jeb would be a treat.

    Actually, Mitt might pick Bachmann, which would be pretty awesome all by itself. I'd love to see hard-hitting journalist Sarah Palin do an interview with Bachmann that Michele complained about containing too many gotcha questions.

    • EtchySketchy

      My favoritest fantasy VP pick: Walnuts McCain.

      • SockBunny

        That's a great fantasy. May I share?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Ooh, ooh…how about Allen West? I'm sure he'd get the blah vote.

  • EtchySketchy

    Hurry up and make a choice, Mitt. Cheney needs to know which soul to possess.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Mitt cannot not posses people's souls. As a Sucker of Satan's Cock, he can only collect them for the Dark One.

  • BarackMyWorld

    You know, technically their dad is eligible, since he only got one term.

    I also like how the beltway in-crowd keeps bringing up Rob Portman and Mitch Daniels, as if either weren't also Bush cronies.

    • flamingpdog

      Techniclly, brother Dubya is eligible, too, also, since he was only elected once.

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      The funny thing with Portman is that I am not aware of any suggesting that they supported him. So there is all this "serious talk" about Portman from some random anonymous person it seems.

      • Negropolis

        Portman is a media choice. I notice Chuck Todd the other day interviewing the guy and pushing the "is he/or isn't he" in consideration bullshit. They do this every cycl with some no-name "moderate" Senator, and it's almost always Senators, these days.

  • flamingpdog

    Jebbie's eldest son, George P., turned 35 last year. Bush Trek: The Next Generation

    • nounverb911
    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I would prefer Ferengis … or even The Borg.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Is it going to be a maverick this time?

    • not that Dewey

      Naw; James Garner and Roger Moore are both avowed lefties. They would never consider helping Romney.

      • nounverb911

        Is Mel Gibson teabagish enough?

        • not that Dewey

          Most definitely. Sign him up!

  • nounverb911

    Is Jeb's daughter out of rehab yet?

  • not that Dewey

    Jeb is an acronym. Does "John Bush" have any marketing potential? Let's get Lunz on that right now.

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, no kidding. I've always that if he came back, they'd be pushing him as "John Ellis" to make him seem new-like. There is no way he's going to go in as "Jeb." "Dubya" killed any chance of any Bush running with a nickname for this generation of Bushes.

  • Toomush_Infer

    John Bush is just his stage name…..

    • horsedreamer_1

      Anthrax Libel!!!

  • Beowoof

    Smart and evil or stupid and evil, either way with a Bush in government you can count on evil.

  • fartknocker

    Jeb is a major advocate of privatizing public schools and relying on internet-based education, which has be found to be less than stellar:
    http://motherjones.com/mojo/2011/10/virtual-class

    Jeb also passed Florida's "Terri Law," which allowed the State to intervene in all future cases similar to Terri Schivo.

    Jeb was born in Midland, Texas so he drank the same water that his brother W drank. There is something in the water in Midland that makes people very conservative, God fearing, and not very open to science or reality. This should work well for the American electorate.

    • Sparky McGruff

      Maybe you could blame it on the petrochemical waste in the water, or the liter of Gin that Mama Babs drank every day when she was pregnant. But whatever the case, it seems pretty clear that something didn't go together right when their brains were being formed.

    • Negropolis

      You'd think they'd be more open to science and reality since the entire town is built on the transformation of old dinosaur bones into fuel.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Jeb is to the Bushes as Jethro Bodine was to the Clampettes.

    Milburne Drysdale: I'm president of a bank.
    Jethro: Wow, can I be president of a bank too?
    Jed Clampett: Jethro that was a mighty disrespectful thing to say to Mr. Drysdale. Ask if you can be vice president.

  • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews cheaphits

    George H.W. Bush's family seems to have more skeletons in it than Charlie Manson's, doesn't it?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      There's more than just skeletons in the Bush closets.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    What could possibly go wrong with a Bush in the White House??????????

  • LibrulEleet

    At least he'd be a better veep than his dad's veep.

  • Toomush_Infer

    HEY!!!…It's Saturday…..new posts?????….thanks, Wonkette (Earl vs. Evil)…..now you can find out how we sound when we're realllly wasted…..

  • rocktonsam

    yes those Bush boys, one has a horses face and the other is a horses ass

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Which one is the horse's dingus? Neil? Billy Bush?

  • Vecchiojohn

    Charles Coslon is dead. (Ask your grandfather.) (Note: I'm not gloating.)

  • JustPixelz

    Based on what he's said, Romney is running to be Dubya's third term so having a Bush on the ticket can only help with that message.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Could it be?!
    Could the most excellent "BILLIONAIRES FOR BUSH" return?!
    (I love that one-percenter satire!)

  • Man0nTheStreet

    Well, since Orrin Hatch is getting teabagged, he's ready to bring much-needed youth, energy and charm to the VP slot on the Romney 2012 ticket…

    …if not Hatch, Chuck Colson has experiences & qualities ReThugs just lurve

    what?

    WHAT?

    WHA – … Oh really ? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Well, according to all of the ads on the progressive blogs I visit, Julia Louis Dreyfus has already been picked for VP.

    • DahBoner

      War, what is it good for? Huh?

  • chascates

    No way could Jeb have all the daddy issues and dry drunk persona of his brother. He'd just be a common GOP hack. After Cheney the Republican VEEP candidate must be capable of bloody backstabbing, ruthless disregard for the law and the Constitution, and a demented desire to help people who've given him money.

    SHIT! There's still a lot of those around!

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    1% + 1% = McsuperPAC.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Will go over about as well as the McDLT also.

  • barto

    let's just skip the formalities and crown him president.

  • Boojum

    I'm voting Victoria Jackson, on InTrade.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Jeb/fetus jar 2020!

  • Limeylizzie

    Well I want it to be Portman, so I can say 'The bland leading the bland" until November when they lose.

    • flamingpdog

      You know any good dumb bland jokes?

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    “I would consider it” … “I am not going to be the veep nominee. Lay that to rest.” … “I guess I wasn’t clear enough.”

    Wow, another Republican candidate with stellar skills in communication.

    Oops.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Alt text for photo: Quien es más plastered?

  • greenide1

    Do the Republicans have meetings where they and their idiot "advisors" sit around in a circle and decide what would be the stupidest thing they could possibly do…and then do it? Like let's annoy all the women. And the Hispanics. And the sane people. Hey, let's put another Bush on the ticket! Yeah, that's the ticket.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Not to worry. Whoever Mittens chooses, it will be a Republican.

  • ttommyunger

    A Bush by any other name is still fucked-in-the-head.

  • DahBoner

    It doesn't matter who the VP is, as long as Katherine Harris does the counting, comrade…

    • Negropolis

      In Soviet Russia, vote counts you!

      Wait, wah?

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    There's a smart one?

    • Negropolis

      I know, I know; it's like being the tallest 5-year-old.

  • Negropolis

    America ain't electin' no "Jeb" to nothin', thank the FSM. "Dubya" proved to be one diminutive too far.