SOCIAL ISSUES MATH  4:28 pm April 20, 2012

Mitt Romney Somehow Liberal Now For Hiring Gay GOP War Salesman

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

The Mitt Romney campaign hired a gay! But that’s just a matter of statistics, right, because come on, the Gay Old Party, et cetera? No, this Richard Grenell, Romney’s new “national security and foreign policy spokesman,” is an openly gay gay Republican. Uh-oh, this must be liberal Massachusetts Mittens trying to “move to the center” now that the general election has begun, by freely associating with known homosexuals. It is just as the Etch a Sketch foretold! Yes, it is all very centrist. So centrist of Mitt Romney, hiring a gay. Centrist centrist centrist. Well, centrist except for the part about Grenell being a George W. Bush appointee who directed communications strategy for the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations when the United States was busy telling lies to everyone in the United Nations about Iraq’s fictional weapons of mass destruction. But uh, still centrist, right?

Let’s see, here is an opinion piece that Grenell wrote last month criticizing Barack Obama for hating gay marriage. It’s so liberal!

President Obama reiterated his opposition to gay marriage in New York City one day before New York politicians passed marriage equality for their state. He did it again a few days later at the White House. The president and his political advisers surely must have calculated the con$equences for taking such a timely stand.

This is in contrast to Mitt Romney, who has bravely defended gay marriage. That is probably why Grenell is working for him!

Right-wing blogs have not decided how to whimper about this yet, according to their lack of shouting apparent from a quick Google search. Inevitably many of them will issue grumpy arguments that Grenell’s sexuality doesn’t matter, and inevitably we will probably collect some quotes from these in a day or two to make a fun post about hypocrisy.

In the meantime, some Pajamas Media blowhard has the only truly upsetting point that we have seen about the hire, that Richard Grenell has a positive opinion of war-forever dingus John Bolton:

From what I know of Richard, he is particularly close to John Bolton, which augurs well for those of us who would like to see Bolton return to the UN or assume an even higher foreign policy role in a possible Romney administration. With all the ongoing treachery of Iran, Syria, the putative “Arab Spring,” Hamas, Hezbollah, North Korea, etc., etc., Bolton’s more needed now than ever — and the Grenell appointment points the way.

Since we would not even appoint John Bolton to care for a pet cat, this is the only actually terrifying thing about this news item. [Political Wire]

 
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{ 87 comments }

nounverb911 April 20, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Has Mitt baptized him yet?

actor212 April 20, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Wait, hired a gay man or hired an OPENLY gay man?

Cuz, you know….them's some big fucking closets over there….

elviouslyqueer April 20, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Take a look at her tweets. Bitch blew the closet doors clear off their hinges centuries ago.

Barb April 20, 2012 at 4:31 pm

He will get his pink slip soon enough.

actor212 April 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

More funny underwear…

elviouslyqueer April 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Oh girl, please.

Barb April 20, 2012 at 4:37 pm

That is so wonderful, Elvis! Thanks!

JustPixelz April 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm

What a minute! That's not pink!!! (But is it Barb?)

elviouslyqueer April 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I changed the color to "Berrylicious," promise! DAMN YOU JAVA.

starfanglednut April 20, 2012 at 5:37 pm

That model needs a sandwich, badly.

actor212 April 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

John Bolton stoled mah bukkit!

tihond April 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

IOKIYAR

chicken_thief April 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

"…he is particularly close to John Bolton,…"

Cue the Johnny Carson "Howwww close is he?!!!"

teebob2000 April 20, 2012 at 5:24 pm

He's so close, he giggles uncontrollably every time Bolton rims him because the big walrus mustache tickles.

MissTaken April 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

With all the ongoing treachery of Iran, Syria, the putative “Arab Spring,” Hamas, Hezbollah, North Korea, etc., etc., Bolton’s more needed now than ever — and the Grenell appointment points the way.

For fuck's sake that just made me vomit a bit in my mouth.

WhatTheHolyHeck April 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Can I sue this motherfucker for whiplash already?

el_donaldo April 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

He is also apparently a massive prick.

actor212 April 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

A homosexual misogynist.

Wow. How….novel.

FlownOver April 20, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Bit of a bitch, no?

Lascauxcaveman April 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Also, "Meee-oww", too.

anniegetyerfun April 20, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I honestly can't make heads or tails of any of those statements. Why are so many "policy" "experts" so completely illiterate? AND on Twitter all the time?

finallyhappy April 20, 2012 at 5:19 pm

cmon, the Callista comment is funny- or it would be if I made it.

Callyson April 20, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Grennell offered an apology, of sorts, for his attacks, writing, “my tweets were written to be tongue-in-cheek and humorous but I can now see how they can also be hurtful. I didn’t mean them that way and will remove them from twitter. I apologize for any hurt they caused.”

Fuck you bitches if you can't take a joke.

And what is the crap about a war on women?

ClydeMydia April 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Darn, I was hoping for a picture of an ACTUAL massive prick.

elviouslyqueer April 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I'm expecting an explosive blowback from Big Government any minute now.

actor212 April 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

See what you did there, I do.

elviouslyqueer April 20, 2012 at 4:48 pm

*curtsies coquettishly*

Boojum April 20, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Santorum eruption, i.e., Thar He Blows!

ifthethunderdontgetya April 20, 2012 at 4:37 pm

From what I know of Richard, he is particularly close to John Bolton, which augurs well

PENIS PENIS PENIS
~

actor212 April 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Augurs do drill holes….

ManchuCandidate April 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

So he got mustache rides for free?

Radiotherapy April 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Must be a cat person.

Butch_Wagstaff April 20, 2012 at 5:32 pm

He's a catty person.

widestanceromance April 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Ah, yes, the 'Get Out of Homophobia Free' hire who will be replaced in a polite and hushed manner as soon as possible.

Boojum April 20, 2012 at 5:13 pm

John Derbyshire is Mittens' diversity advisor.

imissopus April 20, 2012 at 5:41 pm

He's already trying to pull a version of that kind of crap with Kris Kobach, the Secretary of State for Kansas who also helped Arizona write its "papers please" immigration law. Kobach has for months been an "informal adviser" to Romney. Then suddenly last week the campaign provided a list of its advisers to the Boston Globe and left Kobach's name off it. Now they are just claiming Kobach is a "supporter", which gives the impression of distancing themselves from the guy.

Kobach himself claims the Romney campaign told him just the other day that his status with them is unchanged, and also that Marco Rubio's call this week to find some sort of compromise on the DREAM Act would not be supportable by Romney, even while Romney himself was in Florida saying that the GOP has to do something to attract Hispanic voters to its ranks. So, it remains to be seen how quickly the campaign papers that one over.

MaxNeanderthal April 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm

That wouldn't be John "Village People 'tache" Bolton would it? Wait- what? Oh..it would….

SorosBot April 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

"for those of us who would like to see Bolton return to the UN or assume an even higher foreign policy role"

As comical as that mustache is, hell no; those of you who would like to see that are fucking insane.

sullivanst April 20, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Sounds like you're among those of us who would consider a wish to see Bolton appointed to any job except Khartoum sewer inspector to disqualify any candidate with prejudice.

starfanglednut April 20, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Khartoum sewer inspector ftw.

Blueb4sunrise April 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Our Wonkette Uberwonks are training us to read posts….this is somewhat disturbing…
Anyhoo, when I got to this part…

…Grenell being a George W. Bush appointee who directed communications strategy for the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations….

I thought NO WAY, not BOLTON!!!
Alas.

metamarcisf April 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Grenell's first move was to disavow a recent tweet where he wondered if Callista Gingrich's hair "snaps on"

FlownOver April 20, 2012 at 4:48 pm

…and whether she has [ahem] "interior decor consistency?

widestanceromance April 20, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Why be so mean to a woman with welded hair, I ask you?

dadanarchist April 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm

The key word missing from this article is "uncloseted."

As in, "Mitt Romeny hired an uncloseted gay man who hates the Gubmint and lubs Teh War on Terra.'

SayItWithWookies April 20, 2012 at 4:45 pm

This should be a great harbinger of what we would get under a president Mittens — the Dubya foreign policy creeping back like an unfinished abortion. Remember Afghanistan? No? Didn't think so. Remember human rights in Egypt, and keeping the excesses of Israel's right wing in check? Or caring what Uzbek dictator Islam Karimov did to political prisoners? Or — you know — listening to Dubya's predecessor's constant warnings about al Qaeda? Think it could never happen again? Just wait, bitches.

edgydrifter April 20, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Why go through the trouble of hiring cantankerous mustache-bearer John Bolton when you could achieve the exact same results by instructing NORAD to launch an ICBM at a randomly-selected country every 90 minutes until the entire earth is reduced to a lump of glowing cinders?

Antispandex April 20, 2012 at 4:50 pm

So, being gay is OK, if you only suck right-wing boners? That is so sad for you guys. Republican dick or nothing? It's enough to turn you back to pussy and stuff, right? No? Geeze you guys are stubborn!

Butch_Wagstaff April 20, 2012 at 5:36 pm

"Republican dick or nothing?" And I heard that Romney's not even stiff.

mrblifil April 20, 2012 at 4:54 pm

He looks old enough to have patronized Plato's Retreat. That must be where he first got "close" to Bolton's mustache.

anniegetyerfun April 20, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I would allow Bolton to care for my cat, but then, I really hate my cat.

Generation[redacted] April 20, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I would allow Bolton to care for my cat if I owned a large ill-tempered lion.

starfanglednut April 20, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Keep that fucker away from my birds!

pinkocommi April 20, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I bet R-money hired an openly gay man just so that he gets the opportunity to fire an openly gay man. That's the beauty of the R-money flip-flop. He can have his cake and eat it too.

Fare la Volpe April 20, 2012 at 7:30 pm

And yours, and mine, and everyone else's.

Butch_Wagstaff April 20, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Then he will fire all the bakers.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 12:03 am

I'll be damned, though, if I'd ever tolerate that ma drinking my milkshake.

OneYieldRegular April 20, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Dude, we've known from Roy Cohn down to Mark Foley that "not all gays are big government liberals," but you really need to keep that kind of, um, self-promotion where it belongs: not on Twitter, but on Craigslist.

Butch_Wagstaff April 20, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Little government SWM seeks other little government SWMs for bukkake party on John Bolton's mustache.

sullivanst April 20, 2012 at 5:08 pm

So he's a lying douchebag blowhard? They'll forgive him for being gay. They'll forgive anyone anything as long as they tell the right lies.

Boojum April 20, 2012 at 5:10 pm

But all gays whisper about the President's missle, amirite?

finallyhappy April 20, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I never understood the Log Cabin Republicans- how can you hate yourself so much? Be an independent, maybe but a Republican- openly?

Guppy April 20, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Dick Cheney's future son-in-law, because gays can get married!

Callyson April 20, 2012 at 5:33 pm

"not all gays are big government liberals"

No, but some of them are forced out of the party that might be closer to their economic and foreign policy preferences because the Reeps want to hand social policy over to the American Taliban…

"and not all presidents whisper nuclear missile secrets to the Russians"

You mean some presidents oppose a proposal that got its start in the Reagan administration?
http://armscontrolnow.org/2011/06/10/why-sarah-pa

Idiot.

RebelCountess April 20, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Why not? He'll never miss Planned Parenthood.

starfanglednut April 20, 2012 at 5:43 pm

"Openly gay republican" should be a diagnosis in the next DSM.

Butch_Wagstaff April 20, 2012 at 8:26 pm

"Openly gay republican" or "Ogre" for short. Hmm…"Ogre Complex" or "Ogre Disorder"? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ogre

a_pink_poodle April 20, 2012 at 5:46 pm

You know I've been saying this for years now, in 80 years if the Dems and Reps still exist in their current form, the GOP is going to be claiming they were for gay marriage and the democrats have always been the homophobes. I guarantee 100%!

Butch_Wagstaff April 20, 2012 at 8:23 pm

They'll be claiming that Lincoln was for gay marriage, George W. killed Osama, and AIDS was cured thanks to the Reagan administration.

George Spelvin April 21, 2012 at 1:12 am

Happily, in 80 years I'll be extremely dead.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 12:01 am

80 years? They'll be doing it in five, at the most.

Dr. Nick Riviera April 20, 2012 at 6:07 pm

See, not all gay people are enlightened, cultured understanding citizens. Some are real assholes. EQUALITY

BZ1 April 20, 2012 at 7:02 pm

con$equences?? Isn't that precious!

Manhattan123 April 20, 2012 at 8:07 pm

So apparently not all gays are funny, stylish and have a full head of hair.

arihaya April 20, 2012 at 8:34 pm

several months ago, in a GOP Presidential debate about Foreign Policy, the co-sponsor is American Enterprise Institute, the infamous neo-con think tank extraordinaire.

THAT alone should give all of you warning about the potential Mitten presidency.

labman57 April 20, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Grennell's tasteless tweets were not so much tongue-in-cheek as they were head-up-ass.

CthuNHu April 21, 2012 at 12:11 am

Don't go making long term plans around a career in Führer Romney's shadow, Mr. Röhm…

dcjdjay April 21, 2012 at 1:12 am

Reading this douche's bio, leads me to believe that he's another one of these big talking, ass licking, "communications" experts who know little, but leverage the little they know into a lot of hooey, and a lot of power. Typical DC scum.

Tricky_Dick April 21, 2012 at 9:20 am

And not all gay guys are fuckable….

fitley April 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

This will alienate the BibleThumpers more than Mitt's Mormoness. Mormonism? Maybe it excites the closeted Repubs. Lord knows there are enough of those.

ttommyunger April 22, 2012 at 10:01 am

Could it be that Bolton likes his mustache parted with a meat comb? Not that there's anything wrong with that…

Negropolis April 22, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Grenell, not every president sold arms to Iran, or concocted a war on false information, either. So, STFU.

Smug bastard is smug.

Negropolis April 23, 2012 at 12:08 am

Hey, now, Mr. Grenell. President Obama isn't coming to your workplace and knocking the dicks out of your mouth, okay, buddy? Be cool, my brothuh; be cool.

misanthrope April 23, 2012 at 1:29 am

I can appreciate the phrase Uncle Tom in a whole new light now. Well I only have one thing to say here. You're a mean girl Richard Grenell, you're a bitch!

fitley April 23, 2012 at 1:48 am

I'm sure the Evangesticles have started a St. Vitas Dance Conga Line that will erupt into frenzied inbred humping any second.

thefrontpage April 23, 2012 at 11:47 am

Butch Tights, a spokesman for the Romney campaign, issued a press release today listing other notable people that the Romney campaign has hired recently: Nathan Lane, Elton John, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Barney Frank, RuPaul, Liberace Jr., Paul Lynde IV, Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O'Donnell, Anne Heche, Richard Gere, Anderson Cooper, Wanda Sykes, Marilyn Manson, and Richard Simmons.

FlownOver May 1, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Apparently not all sketches can be de-etched.

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