When you're a Jew/You're a Jew all the wayThe fine fellows at RightWingWatch have once again brought the most delightful of horrorshows to our attention. (How do they do it every day?) Below, you will find Pat Robertson explaining that anti-Semitism is the Devil’s Work (yes?), and the Devil hates Israel because Israel is evidence of the existence of God (oookay?) because the Messiah came from there (maybe???) and “the poor Jews don’t understand that, it’s too cosmic for most of them to grasp, especially because they don’t believe Jesus is the Messiah.” (AWESOME!) But you know, not believing Jesus is the Messiah (that and med school) is kind of their thing? Robertson joins such totally sane luminaries as Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, and war criminal congressman Allen “Well Looks Like I Will Have to Save These People From Themselves” West in thinking they know what is better for Jews than the Jews do.

Welcome to the club, Pat Robertson! It is surely a club that would have you, and that you would want to join.


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  • sullivanst

    Well on the plus side at least he wasn't talking about all the money hoarding…

  • Barb

    Pat, Jesus is not glad that he died for your sins.

    • An Asexual Ungulate

      But no takesy-backsies!

    • James Michael Curley

      The first time I saw the somewhat iconic; 'Jesus is coming and he's going to be pissed.' was when I was in San Francisco (1974-5) and I walked down Montgomery Street to look in on Melvin Belli's office. Much to my surprise he was in and waved me in when I was standing at the window trying to look inconspicuous. I was dating a girl from his LA office and somehow he knew, and knew me. Just that your comment reminded me of that. Thanks.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Melvin Belli was also in a Star Trek episode.

        "In perhaps his best-known role, other than as himself, Belli appeared in a 1968 Star Trek episode, "And the Children Shall Lead." In it he appeared as Gorgan, an evil being who corrupted a group of children, one of whom was played by his son Caesar."

        • James Michael Curley

          The robe from that part mounted on some kind of dummy was one of the many artifacts he used to have in the amazingly cluttered office.

  • nounverb911

    Robertson's calling Jeebus stupid?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Is this the goy Eric Cantor was talking about?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    “There is a Devil” Takes one to know one.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, doh.

  • chascates

    If the Jews control the media can't they just fire Robertson?

    • flamingpdog

      Just our luck, it's probably self-loathing Jews controlling the media.

      • Man0nTheStreet

        Plus, Robertson still brings in the hot blonde shiksas! MAZEL TOV!!

      • sullivanst

        Eric Cantor's in media now?!!!

  • they know what is better for Jews than the Jews do

    And obvs, anything the Fundaments can do to bring about Armageddon sooner is good.

    ♪♫ You do that Jewdoo voodoo that you do so well ♫♪

  • Beowoof

    Well I am sure they could be properly educated at a fine University such as Pat Robertson's Regent University, there they could learn all the latest creationism and other such horse shit.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Jews = just not cosmic enough.

    • iburl

      Obviously Pat has not listened to the Electric Prunes.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        OMG! What a jolt from the past! Some of their stuff got played in church one Sunday morning (back when I was sort-of a believer in something) and the mass exodus would have pleased Moses.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      Yeah, if they were, there would be a planet Jewpiter.

  • owhatever

    And the poor Mormons think that Jesus ranks right up there with Joseph Smith and his golden table service. In Bracket B, we have Buddha v. Mohammed. Somebody gots to be wrong, and I think it's the Texas 1st Baptist Church of the Glock, with the Rev Nugent.

    • flamingpdog

      I'd love to see a "Celebrity Deathmatch" with the Nuge vs. oh, who else?

      • Fare la Volpe

        A panzer.

      • sullivanst

        Chuck Norris?

        That way, whoever loses, we win!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Zombie Charlton Heston.

        Automatic weapons, unlimited caliber, at ten paces, just for audience appeal.

        • WhatTheHolyHeck

          Well, it would certainly allow us to test that "cold, dead hands" hypothesis.

  • gout

    It is a good thing that there is someone out there who is so dedicated to understanding all the nefariousness that the devil is up to, sort of like Criminal Minds only with the devil.

    • HateMachine

      The trick is thinking like the devil. You have to change your frame of mind, think "if I were Satan, Lord of Lies, what would I say on national tv?"

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Gotta admit, Pat's got it down pat.

        I never thought he'd pick up my legalizing drugs schtick!

  • rocktonsam

    OT, thanks Levon and The Band !


    • Biff

      Yeah, that sucked…

    • If Ken were still here we'd probably get a nice long eulogy with awesome links. (sigh)

    • Caught the Cannonball, took it on down the line.

    • sewollef

      An honorary Canadian, in an awesomely awesome Canadian band.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      First Phil Bergman and now Levon? I think I'm going to drink this week away.

  • Anti-semite is anti-semitic in warning against anti-semitism.

  • Schmannnity

    Robertson is slyly funny–he knows that there is no such thing as a "poor Jew." You can't control the world's finances and media and be poor.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Remember Richie Rich, "The poor little rich boy"?

      Yeah, I never got what was so poor about him, him w/ his diamond spectacles and solid gold hair and everything.

  • littlebigdaddy


    • BarackMyWorld

      Oy vey!

  • EtchySketchy

    Poor Jews, they're not a smart as them thar Wing-Nut Jesus Freaks.

    Praise the Lord and pass the banjos.

  • Extemporanus

    Yarmulkes are just circumcised dunce caps, ya know.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is like watching a Timothy Leary/G. Gordon Liddy debate going on inside the same person.

    • Angry_Marmot

      What's to debate? They were both dupes of our unseen masters, with Leary the bigger hypocrite.

  • Yeah, it's like that time Jesus cruised into the Knesset on the Silver Surfer's board and was all like, "this is simply too Cosmic for you to understand!!"

    • dadanarchist

      Kirby's line work on that one was exceptional.

      • Wile E. Quixote

        Was that the issue where The Fantastic Four and The Avengers pre-emptively attacked Latveria because there was evidence that Doctor Doom was building a Cosmic Cube?

        • DocChaos

          FF #59 "And A Jew Shall Lead Them".

    • Angry_Marmot

      Sayeth the LORD, Fatoom!

  • finallyhappy

    If we are so dumb, how come we run the media, the banks, really control everything? It is a fact- and it isn't easy because there just aren't that many of us. the multitasking is insane- I can't control the Central American banana crop and the Republican electorate of 5 midwest states w/o mixing up bananas and GOP voters.

    • flamingpdog

      Understandable – GOP voters are bananas.

      • Swampgas_Man

        These shits are bananas — B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

    • Flamingpdog STOLE my comment!

    • unclejeems

      Holy monkey libel!

    • Geminisunmars

      Oy – did I fuck up in Cartagena!

  • dadanarchist

    Shorter GOP: "The Poor Negros Qweeeers Wimmins Joos non-white non-straight non-Christian non-males just don't understand!"

    • White Anglo Saxon Christian men as the default rulers of America is, like, soooooo 20th century. When are those GOP cats gonna get hep to that jive?

      • dadanarchist

        Alas, probably not until we pry their privilege from their cold, dead hands. Which means about 25 more years of this bullshit.

  • If you act like a prick to us, do our ears not bleed? if you tickle us with your stupid, do we not fake laugh? if you poison us with backhanded comments, do we not die a lot inside? and if you make us question why you love Israel, shall we not revenge?

  • NewYorkJew

    So whose side is Satan on???

    • Everyone's

      • Man0nTheStreet


    • Radiotherapy

      All of 'em, Katie.

    • Biely? Biely, where are you when we need you, dude?

      Anyone seen Biel_ze_ Bubba around lately?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Got a consulting gig in Uzbekistan.
        My straight man, Pat, is standing in for me.

        • It's that Gulnara slut, innit?

          How art thou fallen, O Lucifer, son of the morning!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            When you want to 'open not the house of your prisoners', you call in the pros.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Nobody's side, everybody's side; Satan is a dealer for the House, and the House always wins.

  • LastGasp

    Anti-Semitism is the Devil’s Work, and the Messiah came from Israel, and “the poor Jews don’t understand that, it’s too cosmic for most of them to grasp, especially because they don’t believe Jesus is the Messiah.”

    Pat, I think you just called yourself an anti-Semite — and you're doing the Devil's work.

    • GemlikeFlame

      Was that ever really in question? After all, the Jews were responsible for offing our Lord and Savior. Love the Holy Land, hate the inhabitants. Christianity at its finest.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        "How many men does a governor have to execute, to get a little respect around here?"

        -Pontius Pilate
        -Rick Perry, also, too.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Folks like Robertson support the Jews only because they're needed for the final act in Revelations. "Personally, we hate the Jews, but without them we can't have a proper Armageddon".

  • Not_So_Much

    I can't help but think Pat is in for some unpleasant surprises when he gets 'called home'.

    • Biely will let us know in, uh, excruciating detail, I'm sure.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    OT, but this douchebag has no shame.

    • finallyhappy

      sore loser and I do mean, loser.

    • He's just bitter cause Obama drank his milkshake.

      • AND ate his lunch, and then cleaned the lunch counter with him. The one he wouldn't have been allowed to sit at, if Johnny McAncient had had his way. Then he buffed his wingtips on McAncient's collar.

        You'd be bitter too.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Fucking Robertson and now dumbass McCain. Goebbels was off by 67 years and the wrong people when he said that if the Nazis leave history, they would slam the door so hard that the universe would shake and mankind will stand back in stupefaction.

      It won't be the Nazis…it will be old white male douchebags.

    • flamingpdog

      But he still has his pride. He's dying (please, please!) to break Ron Raygun's record for years being a powerful Washington politician while senile.

    • EtchySketchy

      I thought the dog was McCain's newest idiotic suggestion for VP.

      Has that dog been vetted? hahahahahahahahahaha

    • Way to buy into the bagger mindset, dickhead!

      (As if St. Sarah wasn't bad enough…)

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Team Obama should've helped out McCain's teabagger opponent in 2010.

    • drawingporno

      And can he account for the origin of every item he ate while being a POW? Other than the VC coqs?

      • I am sure McCain enjoyed those apricots and cigarettes that he got for selling us out.

        I know, I am being unfair. He technically started telling them information before they gave him anything.

        • They didn't call him "canary" for nuthin'.

          • But I thought canaries could fly without crashing.

          • Wile E. Quixote

            I see what you did there, and it makes me want to touch myself.

          • Well, in all fairness, they DID call him "canary with ONE wing."

      • Biff

        Street meat, yay!

        • So who ELSE you bin gettin' down wiv while I was all away and stuff?

          • Biff

            Was referring to the Indonesian street chicken vendors, but I like the way you think.

          • It's why we're Internet-gay-married, right?

          • Biff

            Good to have a wing-person!

      • Your comment is in poor taste, Sir or Madam.

  • Also, as Anthony Weiner proved, the Twitter machine confuses us greatly.

  • flamingpdog

    Let me get this straight – Pat can't understand why the Romanians hate the Jews because there are so few left in Romania (after the locals helped the Nutzis kill them off), but Pat can go ahead and call the Jews stoopid because there are, what, so few in *real* Virginia where in lives?

    *real Virginia does not include Moarman heathen/Jew-person suburban Warshington DC Virginia*

    EDIT: I guess Pat Can't or won't see that there is a Jew or two in VA.

  • Radiotherapy

    Vat an alter kocker, a goyisher kop.

    • DCBloom

      Dad… is that you?

  • hagajim

    I think Pat lost it a long time ago. He was always a despicable cretin – now he's just flat out throwin down weird shit…I mean this is a guy who said two weeks ago that we all ought to be smokin' weed.

    • flamingpdog

      Mebbe he's just got a head start on us.

    • PuckStopsHere

      Or eating pussy.

    • Well, there does seem to be a lot of overlap between being a Republican and having neurological disorders.

  • swordfis

    I have a hunch that Pat Robertson doesn't know much about Judaism. Now wasn't that polite?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Pat knows Jews like Romney knows the 99%.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Mary was a Jew. Why does Pat hate Jesus's mother?!

    • Biff

      Yet Epstein's mother was not.

    • Heck, JESUS was a Jew!!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yah, that's sort of my take on the Xtards' Revelations fetish. Jeebus and his posse were basically the original reformed Jews — not even a separate religion, until a few centuries later. Makes you wonder who, exactly, he'd be likely to recruit for some Rapture action, because I'm pretty damned sure it's not Robertson and his fuckwad followers.

    • 'Cause she never worked a day in her life.

    • Negropolis

      Why, because the Catholics love her, of course.

    • Pat hates EVERY mother.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Only the ones who've had sex. (The sluts!)

  • JustPixelz

    The way Robertson explains it, ya gotta hand it to Satan: His plan is sheer genius in its simplicity.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      With guys like Roberson around, there's no need to make it complicated.

  • Callyson

    Jesus Christ. I mean, capital JFC…

    • Negropolis

      Mmmmm….Jesus Fried Chicken…mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

      • flamingpdog

        RIght wings only.

        • Negropolis

          And no dark meat, and no breasts.

          • hunnybee

            and no stuffing neither!

          • Negropolis

            But dressing is totally all right.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, to summarize, the Jews are the problem.

    • extreme_left

      ..why fix it if aint broke.

    • Where have we heard THAT before?

  • EtchySketchy

    So Satan hates Jerusalem, because it's evidence of God, and God hates Satan, cos you know he's Satan, and lots of Romanians hate the Jews, while Fundy Christians don't actually hate the Jews, they just act all condescending and shit.

    OK, got all that. Now who hates Pat Robinson?

    Oh yeah, everybody.

    • Biff

      Sometimes, my hatred of Pat Robertson gets misdirected toward Pat Buchanan, and nobody ever knows the difference.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Seriously, til I scrolled down all the way and saw the video still, I was reading this as Buchanan the whole time. But then I realized, ooooh, the OTHER white Pat.

        • Biff

          It's like Unka Pat and his other brother, Unka Pat.

    • Not the little old crazy ladiez who STILL send him their Social Security.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I, for one, would feel a lot better about this if there were more links to the Jewish ladies'

  • SayItWithWookies

    So anti-semitism is the work of the devil, but so is anti-Zionism, if I understand Mr. Robertson correctly? It's the privilege of the divinely tetched that they never have to make a lick o' fuckin' sense, apparently.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Sometimes it sucks to be an atheist, because I can't take any satisfaction from the notion that Pat Robertson has to look forward to an eternity of being reamed by Satan's spiky cock.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    My wanderin got my ass wondering
    where Christ is in all this crisis
    Hating Satan never knew what nice is
    Check the papers while I bet on Isis

  • Blueb4sunrise

    [Robbie] Robertson's dad was Jewish.

    • Biff

      Nice tie-in to The Band, and Levon.

  • mavenmaven

    So, to summarize, who God likes is not the Jews but the Christians who like Jews, because the Jews themselves are not smart enough to be saved by Jesus (who was himself a Jew but doesn't count in this theory)?

  • poorgradstudent

    And just the other day an evangelical friend of mine was explaining how he really does believe all the books of the Old Testament are really ultimately about Jesus (even Exodus!), especially the books of the prophets which really seem to just be describing political issues the Jews were facing way back in the Iron Age.

    I couldn't help but think (and sadly for once I wasn't drunk enough to say it aloud): damn that's cold, to not just plagiarize their work but tell them what the key themes are really about.

    • DahBoner

      Christianity is a Jewish Cult…

    • Negropolis

      Well, the New Testament pretty much explicitly says as much. They cherry-pick Old Testament prophecies and tie them to Jesus, particularly Isaiah. I mean, the writers of the Gospels literally have Jesus pick out specific Old Testament prophecies and describe how he fulfills them. Christianity is basically Judaism that got tired of waiting for its messiah.

      • Biff

        Because god's not into time, man.

      • poorgradstudent

        Of course. It's still wrong and creepy, though.

        • Negropolis

          I don't know how wrong it is. It's no more wrong thatn Judaism co-opting old Sumerian creation tales, or Islam building itself on top of Judaism or Christianity. Most religions borrowed from others.

          • poorgradstudent

            Yeah, but usually they don't "borrow" while simultaneously proclaiming that everything the other religion wrote in their sacred texts was really all about them, and then go about persecuting and marginalizing the other religion.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Idiocy libel

  • There were many famous people in our nation's history that were Jewish. Douglas MacArthur, Douglas Henning, Stephen Douglas, Mike Douglas, Chip and Ernie Douglas…most of the Dougs I think.

  • cheetojeebus

    Mean old dude should probably have a Tumms after eating that whole greasy bag of deep fried chipotle dusted rat dicks and that bucket of wasabi flavored puffed rat balls.

  • Arken

    That's it… I'm sending the Elders of Zion after him.

  • Franknflower

    Could it be…SATAN???

  • Indiepalin

    Is Pat here related to famous movie villain Edgar J. Robertson?

    • miss_grundy

      No, but Edward G. Robinson was a Jew and he played great gangsters!

  • Exhausted66

    When does ABC Family come back on with all the teen sex?

  • Radiotherapy


    • BarackMyWorld

      I'm only thumbs-upping cuz it rhymes.

  • Barrelhse

    It's a good thing tomorrow is 4.20.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Yes – it's Pat Robertson's favorite holiday – Hitler's Birthday!

      • Radiotherapy

        Exactly, because you know who else thought Jews were stupid and needed "help?"

    • My daughter's birthday, Hitler's birthday, and Don Mattingly's birthday.
      DON MATTINGLY, PEOPLE!!!! Donny Baseball!!

      Poor girl. We move from NY to CA, and it's all: "heh-heh, 4/20, what a cool birthday!"

  • miss_grundy

    What poopie Robertson doesn't understand is that Jesus was born, raised and died a Jew. His followers were Jews, who were the original Jews for Jesus and that Christianity thing didn't happen until about 100 years after Christ's death. And the Pharisees and Saducees thought the Messiah would be a warrior who would come down to earth and kick Roman Empire ass. But what do I know, huh?????

    • Biff

      …today, you are a fish!

  • Negropolis

    Shorter Pat Robertson: Anti-Semitism is of the devil…now, watch me make an anti-Semetic statement. Now, watch this drive. Also.

    When is Republican Jesus going to call his old ass home, already? Bless his stupid, little, depraved heart.

  • Guppy

    And Netanyahu and the Israeli electorate would rather be in bed with these folks than deal with a little constructive criticism about settlements and such.

    A pox on both their houses.

    • MosesInvests

      The Israeli electorate supports Bibi like the American electorate supported Chimpy. A pox on your house, too?

  • fuflans

    it must be nice to live with such certainty.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I'm superior, you're inferior.
    I'm the big attraction, you're the small.
    I'm the major one, you're the minor one,
    I can beat yer stoopid, that's not all.

    Anything Jew can do, I can do dumber.
    I can do anything dumber than Jew.
    No you can't.
    Yes I can.
    No you can't.
    Yes I can.
    No you can't.
    Yes I can, yes I can.

    Anything Jew can buy, I can buy cheaper.
    I can buy anything cheaper than Jew.
    Fifty cents.
    Forty cents.
    Thirty cents.
    Twenty cents.
    No you can't.
    Yes I can, yes I can.

    Any hole Jew can dig, I can dig deeper.
    I can dig anything deeper than Jews.
    Thirty feet.
    Forty feet.
    Fifty feet.
    Sixty feet.
    No you can't.
    Yes I can, yes I can.

  • ibwilliamsi

    Years ago I worked with a lady who was a converted Catholic. I'm a used to be Catholic. She wore both a Crucifix necklace and a "fish" pin. I put a "Darwin" decal on my car. She told me that she thought that the "Darwin" decals were just people's way of trying to shove differing personal beliefs down Christian's throats. I asked if she thought it were possible that her multiple Christian symbols might be looked at as her trying to shove her personal beliefs down everyone else' throats. She was genuinely perplexed. To her it just was not the same thing at all.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      She was right, and you were wrong, and that made all the difference.

  • OKthennext

    And Pat Robertson supports legal weed too, right?

    Cosmic, man.

    • Radiotherapy

      also, too, Alzheimer's = sexytime unlimited

      • OKthennext

        Ooooh. My Mom had that. (RIP Mom.)

        Maybe I'll get the sexytime too?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know who else thought that “the poor Jews don’t understand that, it’s too cosmic for most of them to grasp, especially because they don’t believe Jesus is the Messiah.”

    • Radiotherapy

      Needz moar ? Deutschmarks.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I'd have to say that this statement is a singularity of stupidity, so, no.

    • Negropolis

      Honestly? No, I really don't.

    • Chichikovovich

      The author of the Gospel of St. Matthew?

  • ttommyunger

    Pat Robertson and Allen West…..Now there's a pair to draw to!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Add three more wingtards, and … flush!

      • ttommyunger

        Pair of “Jacks”, fer sure!

  • DahBoner

    That stupid Jew called Jesus Christ should stop believing all that stupid Jewish law shit and just believe in Pat Robertson…

  • Nopantsmcgee

    He's so stoned.

    • Negropolis

      If only. Now, all we do is lethal injections and shooting in Utah.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Was Thursday, Jew Day?

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Thank God god doesn't exist.

  • So why is Satan playing along with the pre-determined narrative when every dipshit like Pat Robertson has already gotten the Spoiler Alert from God? Even a couple Jews like Stan Lee and Jack Kirby know that all this "Ragnarok" claptrap is for the comic books.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba


    That is all.

    • ibwilliamsi

      Biel-ze-Bubba – That's what we named our dog! He was a tad more intelligent than you, I must say.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Oh, the things you must say.

  • barto


  • WonkCynic

    The problem with the "stupid" jews is that the poor and middle class jews have been taught through years of holocaust propaganda that the elite jews somehow love them more than all of the other poor and middle class cannon fodder that they waste in their shitty wars with their shitty jew banker money. If the facade were to slip away, the middle class and poor jews would realize that they are perhaps only just a notch above the scumbag goyim in the "scheme" of things. Then they'd be just as apt to voice a little angst at their fancy jew banker overlords as well. But in the end nobody dodges the ovens; except the elite banker jews; their fancy silver spoon wine guzzling buddies; and a few select schills who make it happen for them. The kapos all end up with bullets in their heads or nooses around their necks. History gets written by the fancy jew banker victors, and then they start the cycle again. Kind of makes one believe that karma isn't really a bitch afterall.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Proof once again that there should be an IQ test, before people are given a keyboard and an internet connection.

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