identical cousins

Bishop In Search Of Hitler and Stalin Says Obama Good Enough Match

Wasn't Barack supposed to bring the donuts?Peoria, IL – Bishop Daniel Jenky was conducting his Sunday message to a small group of Catholic followers in his modest countryside church, nestled in Peoria, Illinois. Bishop Jenky really knows how to deliver a powerful message. And just as Jesus would have done, he compared President Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin.

Catholics have had a little Hitler exposure over the years, so it was no surprise that the Bishop was able to see so many similarities between the three. Bishop Jenky isn’t your typical hatemonger. He is an educated hatemonger and he has all sorts of letters following his name to prove it. He refers to himself as “Most Reverend Daniel R. Jenky, C.S.C., D.D.”

“Hitler and Stalin, at their better moments, would just barely tolerate some churches remaining open, but would not tolerate any competition with the state in education, social services, and health care. In clear violation of our First Amendment rights, President Obama — with his radical, pro-abortion and extreme secularist agenda, now seems intent on following a similar path.”

That is why Barack Obama has shut down all the Catholic schools and hospitals, in his War on Catholics, which he learned at the knees of liberal Catholics who were also at war with Catholics, by being liberal.

How can a person who claims to walk the path of Jesus Christ be so full of anger towards President Obama? Was it that Obama was jamming condoms and slut pills down the throats of Catholic churches? Any decent Catholic leader knows using a condom is like having sex with a boy while wearing a rain coat. And birth control allowance just drives the Catholic ladies wildly hot, making them want to vote and do stuff on their own! Or does Jesus simply hate Barack Obama? It is a combination of everything, but mostly the condoms and hate.

Cardinal Timothy Dolan, the archbishop of New York, is a ‘super Catholic’ in the US. He had harsh words for Obama’s mandate, charging that the administration is attempting to divide the Catholic Church. But Dolan isn’t a well educated bat-shit Bishop, so he doesn’t see the Hitler/Stalin comparison, but he knows what latex feels like on his penis and that is a definite ‘no way.’

Obama’s lair of hippie satanic cults like the Anti Defamation League have come out and demanded the bishop issue an apology, but no apology has been made. We are in a new era, America, but it seems as though history may be repeating itself. We have a Jew hunter who not only endorses birth control, but is hellbent on taking over the world and he goes by the name Barack Hussein Obama. You have heard it from Bishop Jenky first. Heed his warning and take cover. It is about to rain fire and latex. []

About the author

Erik Jay is currently unemployed, but has a history of managing various motels and quitting customer service jobs on day 1. He still feels accomplished graduating from a continuation high school in 1989.

View all articles by Erik Jay
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      1. ThundercatHo

        I should have known this since it is printed right on my Star Trek calender. My favorite pic is of his as a shirtless ninja on space PCP.

        1. Callyson

          That's what I get for copy – pasting from the internetz before I have my coffee…oops…

  1. Barb

    "It is a combination of everything, but mostly the condoms and hate."
    It's where the rubbers hits the rodeo. The clown rodeo.

  2. Dr. Nick Riviera

    "Obama is Hitler"

    Is this a roundabout way of saying Obama has the support of the Pope?

  3. OkieDokieDog

    Bishop Jerky tells a nice Hitler, Stalin, and Obama story, but I'm going with Peter LaBarbera's tail, oops, tale of sweet sweet love between Hitler, Gays, and Obama.

  4. Dashboard Buddha

    Most Reverend Daniel R. Jenky, C.S.C*., D.D**

    *Cock Sucking Cretin
    **Disingenuous Douchebag

  5. Dr. Nick Riviera

    This is clearly false. If Obama were Hitler, the Church wouldn't be speaking out agin' 'im.

  6. friendlyskies

    Wait, the Catholic Church is just making shit up out of thin air, shit that coincidentally helps the Vatican undermine rival political powers, and then tells its followers to believe it? I'm shocked, shocked I tell you. Also, I have some indulgences for sale if you've got a relative stuck in purgatory.

    1. ThundercatHo

      I've got a "Ticket to Heaven" given to me by a catholic school teacher friend. Keep it in my wallet at all times, just in case.

  7. Studebaker Hawk

    From the Urban Dictionary (seriously):

    def 1) A product that is sub standard and is usually of the poorest quality or considered low rent.
    def 2) Something being just plain stupid, idiotic or wrong.

    1. prommie

      Not to be confused with jenkem, which all of our middle-school children are huffing before their rainbow parties.

  8. Texan_Bulldog

    "…with his radical, pro-abortion and extreme secularist agenda." The good Bishop must be sitting in on all the RNC talking point meetings. Wonder how many young boys he buggered in his lifetime?

  9. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "extreme secularist agenda" — a.k.a., the Constitution of the United States

    At least for now, until these Xtarded fuckwads get it amended to read "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of a non-Christian religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…"

    Which is what they seem to think it says anyhow.

  10. freakishlywrong

    Oh, and Bishop Hater? It's not up to the Gubbmint to enforce your medieval dogma on the flock, that's your jerb. The Gubbmint simply legislates for all Americans.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    "the administration is attempting to divide the Catholic Church."

    I can't wait for Obama to publish his 95 theses, aka "Disputation of Barack Obama on the Power and Efficacy of Republican vs Democratic Indulgences to Wall Street, Big Oil, Big Ag, Defense Contractors, and Big Pharma"

  12. Dr. Nick Riviera

    I see how it is. Be *like* Hitler and the Church gets all up in your business. BE Hitler and it's totes cool. I guess the Church admires an original gangster

  13. V572 Fehrnstrom

    In other news about fascism (state capitalism division), US Airways and American Airlines are getting closer to merging, elevating and expanding into new markets the kind of bad service that can only come from wiping out the pension plans of all their employees. Fly the hostile skies!

    It's especially poignant because five years after America Worst took over US Airways, they still haven't merged their seniority lists, fleets or maintenance programs. It can only get better when 87,000 AA workers are thrown into the pot!

    1. fartknocker

      As a frequent traveler, I will continue to use Southwest Airlines as my company plane. Good Lord, flying on a combined US Air and American airplane and its gaping asshole flight attendants will be like sitting on the first of row of a Gallagher show when he shows his projectile diarrhea skit.

      You can joke all you want about Southwest but their flight attendants are fun and the ladies who instruct you on how to buckle your seat belt are cute.

      1. V572 Fehrnstrom

        B-but I can’t stand not to know which tiny seat I’m going to have to contort myself into before boarding! SWA is an admirable unionized business with cheerful employees, but that Oklahoma-land-rush seating dash is too stressful. SWA also has the desirable effects of (1) driving down other airlines’ rates in markets it serves; and (2) drawing off all the mommy-baby-granny passengers.

        1. fartknocker

          Pick your poison when it comes to flying. My solution has been Bose Headphones connected to my Android tele-e-o-phone playing back Fiest, Toots and the Maytalls, Asleep at the Wheel, and the Blind Boys of Alabama.

    2. SorosBot

      Ugh; US Air is the worst; they control the vast majority of flights out of my city and so I usually have to take them, and their service is just awful.

    3. BaldarTFlagass

      Great. Now I'll have to change planes in Dallas and Phoenix whenever I fly to Boston from San Antonio.

      1. V572 Fehrnstrom

        But you’ll have the unique pleasure of flying in three of AA’s relic MD-80s. Check out the little number plate in the boarding door jamb—a lot of those aircraft are older than the angry harridans in the aircrews.

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          You'd think that by now they would have at least taken the ashtrays out of the armrests and the lavatory doors. Or maybe they're planning to bring back smoking on board.

      2. fartknocker

        And you get to ride the American Airline little-tram-that could on your scenic journey of Terminals A-D at DFW. I fucking hate DFW second only to O'Hare. A pissy little 10 minute thunderstorm causes American to cancel 100 flights. Plus, American has the worst fucking boarding process. It's like a lesson in metallurgy: now boarding Platinum, Gold, Silver, Sodium, Nickel, Titanium, Aluminum, all while taking 30 minutes to enjoy their rhetorical bullshit as to why they care.

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          Delta just became the govt contract carrier again, American had been flying us for a while. Yesterday I'm flying back from DC, connect in ATL, deplaned at B1 and had to go to E17 to catch my flight to San Antonio. That's the fucking international concourse, what the fuck. Talk about Bataan Death March, I didn't even have time to stop and get a pretzel or a fucking drink.

  14. ThundercatHo

    Why is it that these people still have a tax exempt status?

    P.S. Where is CReature? It is friday(and 4/20) and he promised cephalopods making sweet, sweet love. Besides, it looks like we're going to need a lot of seawater to wash away the ugly today.

    1. Guppy

      Why is it that these people still have a tax exempt status?

      Because it's really hard to legally distinguish between these asshats and denominations/ministries that actually do a lot to help widows/orphans/poor people.

  15. upthruster

    You know, I really would like to see the people who claim 2012 governments around the world are persecuting christians like the roman empire…to REALLY be persecuted like christians in the roman empire. Lets see the waif thin poor believers standing in the middle of…oh I don't know, the Superdome in New Orleans being ravaged by live tigers and rhinos( the animal, not the politician) and watch as the hordes of toga wearing latte drinking elites cheer on the martyrs as they're torn to pieces by wild gay penguins and sea manateas. Unitl then, I think people living with all their expenses paid by congregants in huge tax haven buildings claiming victimization need to read up on what the early popes did to women, children and gays during the Inquisition before they raise the term "Nazi" again.

    1. glamourdammerung

      Feeding them to lions?

      I would be content if they simply arrested the ones that were raping children and the enablers of such behavior. And I am willing to bet that they would be crying about "persecution" and a "war on religion" if that happened.

  16. freakishlywrong

    All this fucking hate. From everywhere. What has happened to this awful country? He's a husband and father, and some fucking bishop compares him to Hitler and Stalin? They mass murdered millions. Fuck this shit.

  17. glamourdammerung

    I am confused. Is the bishop claiming President Obama is like Hitler because he is giving the Catholic Church want they want? Or is the bishop claiming President Obama is Catholic since Hitler was?

    Also, is this Church being taxed as a PAC since it is functioning as one and if so, why not?

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Exactly. When a United Methodist pastor in NC said that a Xian couldn't vote for Bill Clinton, the preacher lost the church's charitable tax status. Why only one of ours–oh, yeah, because someone in his own congregation probably ratted him out. Obedient Catholics (thank G that none of my RC friends could be described as that) sit there like sheep.

      Do not be a sheep! Kick an RC priest in the nutz today. He's probably abused an altar boy or a little girl so chances are good that he has it coming .

  18. BlueStateLibel

    I'm just hoping Obama takes his war on Catholics to a couple of Catholic relatives I can't stand. (No snark, Bishop is just plain nuts.)

    1. prommie

      Yes, and Bammerz won't let me worship Haile Selassie in the proper way, by smoking the ganja! War on Religions!

    2. Dr. Nick Riviera

      Romney supports those things that you like! Unless you don't like them, in which case, Obama supports those things now.

  19. DustBowlBlues

    One of the 95 things I have against the RCs is that they go on and on about that right wing turd, John Paul II, who recalled the Jesuits. They never talk about John XXIII, who, when he was a grand pooh-bah Bishop or Cardinal or whatever in France, refused to turn over the Jews the Nazis wanted. And I got that little nugget of history from a documentary on PBS or whatever, not the Bishops drum circle, or whatever they call themselves, so you know it is factual.

    I have many, many other things I find wrong with this batch of looneys, but I don't have time to list them all, so you'll have to cruise by my barn and read the list I've posted on the door.

    The end.

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      John XXIII was my favorite pope back in Catholic School. But he was a "stop gap" pope. They thought he would die quickly. Instead, he brought English mass to the Church and advocated the idea that maybe protestants weren't our mortal enemies. IOW, the hardline RWers in charge of the Church now, HATE this guy.

    2. Chichikovovich

      One of the 95 things I have against the RCs

      You should maybe write those things up and post 'em on a door somewhere.

          1. Chichikovovich

            I'd love to help ya, mon chum, but looking it over I think we'll run into problems with the departmental standards. I can understand everything you write, which means it can't be a math PhD, and there's generally no bullshit, which means philosophy is out too. —

          2. George Spelvin

            Seems like an obvious case of interdisciplinary discipline.

            Edit: and shit if I didn't miss your thesis count the first time through. Well done, as ever.

    3. V572 Fehrnstrom

      Aren't you kinda disappointed at the Republicans in the Okla legislature wimping out on the Personhood scam to make birth control illegal? Did their "courage" fail them? Did they decide that discretion was the better part of valor? Or did the wives threaten to cut them off?

      We need to know these things.

  20. Goonemeritus

    OK I’m Roman Catholic and my normal snark on the faith is tempered by my personal beliefs. But in this case I give full ecclesiastical approval for any and all to heap whatever snark you want on this moron.

      1. Goonemeritus

        Snark off — My priest growing up preached a very ecumenical theology, many paths to God and all that. The guy came off like the Dali Lama with a more conservative tailor.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          How do you square that with the official teachings of Roman Catholicism? It seems like some of you guys are just trying to skate by under the radar of Church authority without dealing with the contradictions between your actual beliefs and your nominal religion. (Sorry, but you brought it up.)

  21. SorosBot

    Considering that Hitler was Catholic and persecuted non-Catholics, I fail to see the comparison.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Catholics, also too. My great-grandparents were killed (and my grandmother imprisoned) by a neat combo of Nazi invasion/Stalinist troops. And the family was Catholic.

  22. Chichikovovich

    I mean, even a cementhead like Victoria Jackson could figure out Obama is really the Anti-Christ.

  23. Guppy

    he has all sorts of letters following his name to prove it

    Yet I note he still lacks the coveted "JD DDS!"

  24. Chichikovovich

    Bishop Jenky evidently wants a government like Ante Pavelic's. Like Hitler's (except perhaps even more vicious, and killing Orthodox Christians as well as Communists, Socialists and Jews) but with the full, 100% support of the Vatican, and plenty of priests represented at the highest levels of government.

  25. kissawookiee

    Jenky was just a foot-soldier priest at Notre Dame back in the hoary days when I was (1) young and (2) having not yet come to my senses and fled Catholicism, still hit the 10:30 Smells 'n' Bells mass at the Basilica every Sunday. I was always glad when he was the celebrant, because he seemed like a genuinely decent and intellectual guy, and unlike some of those mopes he actually had a decent singing voice.

    Guess Peoria has a way of taking the piss right out of people.

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      To be honest, I think it's more like, you don't become Bishop by being liberal. In my ex-Parish, we have a priest that is a real dick. But he didn't used to be. When he was a lowly seminarian, he was awesome. You just dont advance in a church where all the people doing the promoting are bigots without being a bigot yourself.

  26. SayItWithWookies

    Just in case anyone needed another reason not to listen to shit ecclesiastics say, ever, about anything. Was the bishop railing about how the 28 state governments that previously had exactly the same mandate that religious employers in secular functions cover birth control in their insurance plans? No? So it's suddenly a crisis now why? Because you're a right-wing loon and this seemed like a good opportunity to suddenly change your mind about the status quo to score political points. Gotcha.

  27. iburl

    I can go down the road any time I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice, 'Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact, today, I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant.'

    Well, why don't you?

    But they– Well, they cannot, 'cause their church never made the great leap out of the Middle Ages and the domination of alien episcopal supremacy.

  28. mavenmaven

    Bishop Jenky meant it favorably, considering how enamored Father Coughlin, from nearby Royal Oak , was of Hitler.

  29. Me_K_Cong

    I see what remains of twin spires on the ground, surrounded by smoldering wreckage. Mess with democracy and democracy messes with you.

  30. Local_Mojo

    Well, get one majority on one Supreme Court and you feel like you can say any darned thing!

  31. unclejeems

    That doctor of divinity
    Should be convicted of obscenity.
    Accusing Barry of Stalinity?
    Well, he sounds just like Sean Hannity.
    He said the Prez is now Hitlerified
    Because he persecutes the religified,
    Who for years have hidden felonies
    In their golden-fringed phylacteries.

  32. a_pink_poodle

    I must have missed the part where Obama attempted to launch a bloody coup 10 years before he became president that failed miserably when the 100 or so drunkards he recruited from the local pubs were too drunk to stand.

  33. Chet Kincaid

    All the free-floating and baseless hate in this country is going to end up in either lots of ordinary people or one prominent person getting shot or blown up. (Gabby Giffords was just the warning shot. If it can happen in Norway, for God's sake, do you think it won't happen here?) Even then, the right wing will not own their culpability in this hideous, national shame.

  34. OneYieldRegular

    I very much doubt that the Catholic Church needs Barack Obama's help in destroying the Catholic Church.

  35. WonkCynic

    Someday you'll be sitting in a cage waiting for your turn in the shower and wondering why you didn't believe the fucked up Bishops!

  36. natoslug

    I don't believe in g/God. I don't believe in heaven. I don't believe in hell. I don't believe in original sin. I don't believe in using condoms*. It's moments like this that I realize I might be having a crisis of faith. If I work on my hypocrisy and hatred, and maybe became a self-loathing homosexual, I'd probably make a damned fine bishop. Speaking out against safe sex and harshly judging others are the important parts of Christianity, right?

    * For myself — the rest of you fuckers can triple-wrap for all I care, and if you're banging my wife or mistress, please do so. I don't want your cooties.

  37. rickmaci

    Hey Father Jenky, I got it, you don't like the President. But I'd also like to talk with you about the sordid history of child molesting priests in the archdiocese of Peoria…

    1. YasserArraFeck

      A-HA!!!! "child molesting priests" – I always knew those damn' children were to blame! Now the priests can say "he made me do it……"

  38. Marco_Polo

    I was horrified to see that the Most Reverend was an administrator at Notre Dame and ordained into the Congregation of Holy Cross (CSC). I'd expect that someone called to the same order as Fr. Hesburgh might feel a little more affinity to the poor, the sick, the disadvantaged, the disenfranchised …. but no, the poor can be trampled upon with impunity, in order to make a point about abortion to an audience of catholic men.

  39. ttommyunger

    Herioic gesture on his part: taking that choir boy's dick out of his mouth long enough to spout that drivel. Huzza, motherfucker!

  40. V572 Fehrnstrom

    Let’s see:  uniformed officials, some carrying guns, jam people into confined spaces filled with bad air, deny them basic nutrition and transport them to strange places. The combined entity should probably be called “IG Farben.”

  41. YasserArraFeck

    Don't wig out, Grasshopper, you have finally seen the light and reached true enlightenment

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