I've got so much cum in my hairMarco Rubio, who insists repeatedly that he has little interest in the vice presidency, continues to accept every fluffy interview that offers him a platform to talk about the vice presidency. Check out this most recent, sorta definitive one with Major Garrett, who asked him, “So, if Mitt Romney asks, you will you say no?” and got the reply “Yes. But you know he’s not going to ask. That doesn’t work. He’s watching this interview right now.” So there it is: Marco Rubio has confirmed that he will say “no” when Mitt asks him to be his first. But what about when Mitt asks him to be Vice President? See, there’s plenty of wiggle room here.

Now that Rubio has directly stated (absurd wiggle-room fantasies aside) that he will say “no” to an offer for the vice presidency, the political media will respond by asking him the same question but a hundred times more frequently. Look, Rubio, you’re part of a fucking narrative we’ve created for the next few months, so please cooperate and don’t give clear answers to anything, okay? Good. Now let’s skip the part where you say, conclusively, that you will not accept an offer to be vice president, and move along to the bullshit mindreading speculation about nothing:

As his interview wound down, Rubio made a bit of a slip when he talked about his future after his career as a vice president, not a senator.

“Three, four, five, six, seven years from now, if I do a good job as vice president, I’m sorry,” Rubio said as he caught himself. “If I do a good job as a senator instead of a vice president, I’ll have a chance to do all sorts of things, including commissioner of the NFL, which is where the real power is.”

Oooh, slip! Gotcha! Marco Rubio totally wants to be VP but would he accept it??? Someone should ask him.

[ABC News]

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  • nounverb911

    If Marco accepts, will he get his magic underoos out of storage?

  • tihond

    Rubio also said he's interested in just staying friends with Sally, but did she say he "liked liked him" because if she did, he might be interested in going out on a date, but nothing serious. She should really call him sometime.

  • OT for the 'Heads among us: Tonight there will be an awesome movie.

    brought to you by Wonkabout

  • Baconzgood

    Baconz too drunk to comment today. Big wooing clients….etc, etc.

    • nounverb911

      Saw this the other day, thought you'd get a kick out of it.
      Bacon Coffin

    • ElPinche

      yeah, that was me last week. My corporate card was beast-raped by the client's addiction to titty bars.

      • AbandonHope

        Do you itemize the particular services the client enjoyed on the expense report? Because if so, that's totally awesome.

        • ElPinche

          It's itemized as "amenities and services for business purpose," but we all know what that means.

    • Limeylizzie

      I like my Baconz crispy .

      • Baconzgood

        Already Limey *in a smarmy voice and a wink* (I really don't know what you said means or my retort means but, here's my try) I'm SOOOOO CRIPSY for YOU!

        Does that work for you?

        • Limeylizzie

          I have no idea what it means , either, I just used to say that when I was a child.

        • AbandonHope


          • ElPinche

            BakonzFoLife cuzz! *shoots crip gang sign*

    • ElPinche
  • e_z

    Condoleezza, thigh high black boots, Rice. A two fer, black and a woman

    • SayItWithWookies

      Even better, Condi won't keep anyone in suspense about whether she'll commit war crimes.

      • Negropolis


  • iburl

    Commissioner of the NFL? Condi gonna kick your azz.

  • coolhandnuke

    There's Something About Marco.

  • Radiotherapy


    • nounverb911

      Didn't he invent spaghetti?

      • DahBoner

        Momma mia, that's a spicy meatball!

    • SockBunny

      He made that Marco Polo joke vis a vis waterboarding at CPAC a couple of years back. Fits him like a glove.

  • nounverb911

    Anchor babies can be VP?

    • Jus_Wonderin


  • GuanoFaucet

    Alt-text win.

  • Antispandex

    " Now that Rubio has directly stated (absurd wiggle-room fantasies aside) that he will say “no” to an offer for the vice presidency, the political media will respond by asking him the same question but a hundred times more frequently."

    Have you guys been watching how the media treats a certain overweight governor, every election season, by any chance?

    • EtchySketchy

      By feeding him cheeseburgers?

  • SwanSwanH

    Wake me when we're back to Bobby Jindal.

    • nounverb911

      He's busy baby sitting volcanoes.

  • EtchySketchy

    When asked if he'd like to take a ride on the roof of Mitt's car, Rubio replied:


    I mean, Yes!

    I mean, Woof!!"

  • Apparently, Rubio lives in a nation where Senators serve for seven years.

    • nounverb911


  • metamarcisf

    No story here. This is just about waving a tar baby in the air.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Why does he hate football?

  • Where's the Birf Certificate, Marco?

  • As his interview wound down, Rubio made a bit of a slip when he talked about his future after his career as a vice president, not a senator

    Rubio having any political career shows that Florida wasn't ready for participatory democracy.

  • Marco Rubio has confirmed that he will say “no” when Mitt asks him to be his first.

    Good eye, Rubio, Mister Resistor! You remembered that such offers to be your "first" qualifies as "gateway interdiscourse," and demurred accordingly. (Did you perchance spend time in school in Tennessee?)

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Yes, no, maybe. It doesn't really matter much this election year, but sometimes it's hard to tell if a Republican is lying about lying.

    • redarmyzombie

      And later it gets even harder, when they start lying about lying about lying….

    • DahBoner

      Exception: CORE DUMP

      error: pointer references itself

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I really do like the cube he invented. Did he have anything to do with Pet Rocks?

    • Biff

      He was the model.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The mystery deepens — the question is still unsettled — just like that one about whether smoking causes cancer. Oh, if we only knew.

    • Negropolis

      Of if increased access to firearms leads to more homicides. The jury is still out (not really).

  • widestanceromance

    He's got VPness all over him. Seriously, he's got more cum in his hair than hair in the cum.

  • sullivanst

    “So, if Mitt Romney asks, you will you say no?” and got the reply “Yes."

    What Marco didn't mention was that immediately after saying "no", he would say "way I'm going to turn that offer down!"

  • Biff

    "If nominated, I will not accept; if drafted, I will not run; if elected, I will not serve."
    // William Tecumseh Sherman

    • Wile E. Quixote

      I'm more fond of this quote by Sherman.

      You people of the South don't know what you are doing. This country will be drenched in blood, and God only knows how it will end. It is all folly, madness, a crime against civilization! You people speak so lightly of war; you don't know what you're talking about. War is a terrible thing! You mistake, too, the people of the North. They are a peaceable people but an earnest people, and they will fight, too. They are not going to let this country be destroyed without a mighty effort to save it… Besides, where are your men and appliances of war to contend against them? The North can make a steam engine, locomotive, or railway car; hardly a yard of cloth or pair of shoes can you make. You are rushing into war with one of the most powerful, ingeniously mechanical, and determined people on Earth — right at your doors. You are bound to fail. Only in your spirit and determination are you prepared for war. In all else you are totally unprepared, with a bad cause to start with.

      • redarmyzombie

        They had it coming,
        They had it coming,
        They only had themselves to blaaame…

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      "If interviewed, I will not give a coherent answer"

      –Sarah Palin

  • EtchySketchy

    Marc Rubio says "No" to Veep choice because he wants to focus on modeling for shampoo commercials.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Marco Rubio's Psychic Parents fled Castro more than two freaking years before the coup. We should ask THEM what he's going to do.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Welllll, Arizona's new anti-abortion law includes fetuses that weren't even conceived yet, so why can't Marco be considered a refugee even though they didn't exist when he came to America?

  • Smooth, Marco.
    Subtle and smooth.

  • Between the flyaway hair and the cheeky ambivalence, wouldn't this joker be better off as The Donald's running mate?

  • Lucidamente1

    With a little effort, he could be the Sarah Palin of 2012.

    • nounverb911

      Rubio's got illegitimate grandchildren?

    • Very little effort, in fact.

    • WhatTheHeck

      A red, 2-piece leather outfit and black pumps could work wonders for him. But will Tina Fey be able to do a good Rubio?

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    He's just afraid of the Birthers.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    When asked if he would be willing to be VP Rubio said, "It’s about Yes — the fiat of a young virgin in Miami.".

  • That cunt.

  • coolhandnuke

    He's promoting his new line of hair products–"Mousselini Just For Men."

  • Callyson

    I’ll have a chance to do all sorts of things, including commissioner of the NFL

    And here I thought Goodell was bad…

  • bagofmice

    Woooooo! I got this page at 49 comments! No thread collapsing!

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    I'm hoping it'll be Santorum, because the debate with Biden would be epic comedy.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      I was hoping (planning to vote in the ReThug primary) for Cain, 'cos the 2012 Obama- Cain Debates would've produced teh Epic Lulz 4-evar!!!!1!!!

  • WiscDad

    He's being coy…playing hard to get. You KNOW that bitch would whore himself out in a heartbeat.

  • Limeylizzie

    Marco is going to be bald in about 4 years.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34 years from now, if I do a good job as Mitt Romney's husband…"

    • Biff

      You stole mah magic lottery numbers!!11!

  • Gainsbourg69

    My money is on John Thune. The repubs are going to bridge that gender gap with a dreamy, dip shit.

    • That sound quite plausible to me. Unfortunately.

  • Mitt, if you are reading this, I am sorry but I have to say no to the Veep job. Even though you won't ask me, but if you did, well, no, I just couldn't. You're not going to ask me, are you? I mean, well, it would be nice to be asked, but still I wouldn't take the VP position.

    But Hey, I understand, Sarah's in between quitting jobs. Also.

  • Man0nTheStreet

    Well, Rubio was/is a Mormon, so he's still on RMoney's short(bus)-list… but Rubio's not waiting by the phone for Mittbott's call, and his price is "open to negotiation" based on how desperate Mittbott gets…

  • meatlofer

    Marcooooooooo Rubioooooooooo! ARE YOU READY TO RUMMBLE?

  • redarmyzombie

    You know, I keep telling myself to to be surprised by whatever new piece of corrupt idiocy these goons come up with, but every time, every single goddamn time they do…Jesus Christ, this is depressing.

    • redarmyzombie

      God Dammit, I meant NOT surprised…

  • randoracer

    Repugs love their En Ef El. Rushbo, Dennis Miller, Hank Williams (Jr., not the talented Sr. one who drunk hisownself to death rather than live to see how his disgrace of a son would stain the family name), Rubio… It's nothing but episodes of violence punctuated by committee meetings, played by overgrown, steroid-fed cretins who can't think for themselves. It sounds just like the GOP House caucus, in fact. Still can't figure out why W gravitated toward baseball.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Marco looks rather well-turned-out, if you know what I mean. But, being a Republican, there's no way he's ghey, right?

  • DahBoner

    I used to like Rubio's tacos in San Diego, but it sounds like they've really went downhill…

  • owhatever

    Waiting for the poll of the gator-rasslin' community. Its members are having a difficult time signing the word "X" to their ballots.

  • Come here a minute

    Marco Rubio will do a satisfactory job of losing on Mitt Romneys ticket and make himself well-qualified to run for the top job in 2016 against Hillary Clinton, who is not running in 2016.

  • He demonstrated his Republican bona fides by lying.

  • Negropolis

    Ah, the GOP and their carnival of rank phoniness. Every one of their young "stars" is a fraud.

  • ttommyunger

    I'm frankly surprised he'd take that Koch out of his mouth long enough to say anything.

  • snickersnack

    Newell, when you actually alt text, it's amazeballs.

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