all that and a bag of dicks

Susan G. Komen Foundation In Hot Sexy Hook-Up With Dictator’s Daughter

Tits or ... well, exactlyThe Susan G. Komen Foundation has been so busy trying to abort their corporate image and stem the (menstrual) flow of their profits, they may have forgotten to do the proper amount of VETTENING of their spanking new breast-saving partner for the Susan G. Komen Uzbekibekibekistan Race for the Cure, a certain delightful dicatator’s daughter named Gulnara Karimova. But hey, when everyone else hates you, you might as well shack up with the woman referred to in wikileaked US Embassy cables as ‘the most hated woman in rampantly corrupt Uzbekistan.’

One cable describes Miss Karimova and reads: ‘Most Uzbeks see Karimova as a greedy, power-hungry individual who uses her father to crush business people or anyone else who stands in her way … She remains the single most hated person in the country.’

So, let’s learn more about the lovely Gulnara, shall we? Here are her strongest assets: Daughter of a Dictator, whose government regularly forcibly sterilizes its citizens and whose “government engages in routine torture of citizens and has subjected dissenters to forced psychiatric treatment”; creator of many, many ‘questionable’ charities; forcer of child labor for her fashion line; and… a generous giver of circumcisions! Goodness, all of that seems somehow much more troubling than providing health services to poor women! But we’re sure we’re wrong.

“Uzbek officials are still ordering women to be forcibly sterilized, but Tashkent has christened 2012 the “Year of the Family,” pledging to help young couples marry and families stay together. Getting into the spirit, First Daughter Gulnara Karimova and her charitable foundations are promising parties in a campaign dubbed ‘1,000 weddings, 1,000 circumcisions.’”

Well bless her heart! But it’s a bit unclear what exactly a wedding AND circumcision party would be like. Does the happy couple get married and then the groom whips off his togs and gets circumcised right then and there? Or does the happy-go-lucky couple have a baby FIRST and THEN get married and afterwards whip off the baby’s togs and circumcise him? Well, the UzDaily, a pro-regime news hackery, cleared it all up for us: This amazing prize is only for NEEDY families and they get a free wedding and when they have a son they get to come back for a free cutting. Oh those Uzbekies! So quaint! The best quote ever? Fund Forum, a charity conglomerate of which Gulnara is the titular head, ‘is tight-lipped on how the project is financed.’ We bet she is.

We can maybe understand how Susan G. Komen missed the part about Gulnara’s daddy’s forced sterilization program (what with that funny phlah khlah language they speak and all), but they certainly couldn’t have missed a tiny incident during Fashion Week last September when the New York Post reported, “Faced with protests about the participation of the Uzbek dictator’s daughter in Fashion Week, IMG, the agency organizing the event in New York has cancelled the fashion show of Gulnara Karimova…” Oh, right, that was Human Rights Watch protesting about child labor. What doesn’t Uzbekistan have going for it!

If the US news media totally misses out on this intricate web of the Susan G. Komen Foundation canoodling with state sterilizers (because the newz houndz are still worrying over whether Obama ate a puppy raw or with sauce), then maybe the Suzie Q. Komen Uzbekistan Race for the Cure will still happen May 1. If so, we hope all of you will run right over there and get circumcised and/or your uterus snatched, which is the proper medical term. [Registan/BBC]

About the author

Writer, teacher, traveler. Arizona girl living in Paris.

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          1. George Spelvin

            No, Valerie never had that disdainful "you on the other side of the lens are shit" look.

  1. Barb

    "She remains the single most hated person in the country"
    I wonder if our single most hated person in this country can see Gulnara Karimova in Uzbekistan from her house?

      1. sewollef

        Dick hasn't got a new 'heart'. he's got a reconditioned 1962 Dodge Polara's V6 unit. It leaks transmission fluid and wheezes a bit, but I hear it's 'guaranteed' for 3 months.

        I know the scrap dealer's yard he salvaged it from. Vinnie's a nice guy.

  2. hagajim

    Ahhh, good old Susan G….who fed these people the stoopid pills all of a sudden. Have they been this fucked up for a long time and nobody paid attention – or is this a recent spate of fuckuperry.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Feed a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Snip off his foreskin…he will fucking scream!!!!

      1. Barb

        I am TOTALLY against circumcision. Jeff had it done the day he was born and the poor guy couldn't walk until he was 18 months-old.

        1. Jus_Wonderin

          I think it is cruel. And there are "other reasons" for us to keep what God gave us. I won't discuss in polite company.

        2. actor212

          Oh I dunno. I'm "missing the hubcap" and I had all sorts of grief growing up from my buddies who had theirs done. My foreskin made me the bitter angry man I am today.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            I got trimmed sometime before I was a month old and even tho' I'm not Jewish, neither me nor any of my lady friends have had any complaints about any deficiencies thereabouts.

            What I cannot abide is the fact that I have two beautiful, young, virginal daughters, both under the age of 18, who have horrifically mutilated themselves in a very ostentatious and public manner.

            (Pierced ears. Ugh.)

  3. coolhandnuke

    As the most hateds go, she should be paired up with Dick Cheney. Then fuck him to death, remove his new heart and then she should spend more time in her garden.

    1. Nostrildamus

      If Cheney is to be fucked to death, I would prefer it to be by an over-clocked, multi-dildonic alien robot with a razor-wire router attachment.

      But maybe that's just me.

  4. Generation[redacted]

    Before you judge too harshly, consider this: Forced-sterilized women don't have abortions.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Ya know, gay married couples don't generally get abortions, either. But that doesn't seem to have drawn many right wing nutz to support the concept.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      Or need birth control! This is the way that Komen should have b een heading all along.

  5. elviouslyqueer

    But it’s a bit unclear what exactly a wedding AND circumcision party would be like.

    Oh please. "Come for the bride, stay for the bris." Easiest. Wedding. Invitation. EVER.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      "Make the toast quick — 'cause in five minutes nobody'll be removing their hands from over their crotch."

      1. Karma_Suture

        "Make the toast quick…"

        I don't WANT to know where the chipped beef is coming from for the toast.

      1. YasserArraFeck

        In an amusing reversal of the usual "fun", the bride pulls it off with her teeth, while the guests cheers her on.

  6. SexySmurf

    Did you hear the one about the doctor who performs circumcisions?

    He works for tips.

    (I'm trying to single-handedly bring back Vaudeville.)

    1. tessiee

      This priest and this rabbi lived next door to each other. One afternoon, the priest was washing his car when he sprayed the rabbi's car with the hose. The rabbi came out his front door and said to the priest, "What are you doing?". The priest said, "Relax, I'm just baptizing your car. It's a blessing."

      The next morning, the priest looked out his window and saw the rabbi chopping off the end of his car's tailpipe.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Lol, but I did that one (much better, what is your typing finger a bit sore?) a couple months ago. One of these days. I'll type out my priest/rabbi/sex/pork howler.

        You'll love it.

  7. Blueb4sunrise

    My English-Uzbek dictionary says it's:

    onanizm bilan shug'ullanmoq
    onanizm bilan shug'ullanmoq
    onanizm bilan shug'ullanmoq
    onanizm bilan shug'ullanmoq
    onanizm bilan shug'ullanmoq

    1. George Spelvin

      Unfortunately, I could not, within my normal 300-second limit, find a translator that could render "Oh, for fuck's sake". So I am speechless.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    It's a good thing the Komen Foundation took their principled stand against women doing what they chose with their bodies and was able to apply it somewhere it was welcome. I'm sure the torture, murder and forced sterilization are just icing on that every-life-is-sacred cake, too.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      I'm sure they at least took the time to check if she is currently under investigation by her father government

  9. Antispandex

    "…Karimova as a greedy, power-hungry individual who uses her father to crush business people or anyone else who stands in her way …"

    Do NOT let The Tea Party hear about this or it's Senator Karimova before you can blink! I mean, this could be Mitten's, or Newt's, next baby mama.

    1. sullivanst

      What they didn't mention is that "crush" was meant literally, head-in-a-vice style. That's the lucky ones, of course. The unlucky ones get boiled alive.

  10. nounverb911

    “Oy, It was such a shanda! I should never buy gribenes from a Mohel. It's so chewy.”
    –Mrs. Doubtfire

  11. Barb

    Good thing Hitler isn't around or Komen would come up with the bright idea of "goose-stepping for the cure"

        1. SayItWithWookies

          I knew it was in there somewhere — it just had to keep rattling around until it came out.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Which scares me. As everyone knows the flight attendants just SLAM those overhead doors down in preflight.

  12. UnholyMoses

    "whose “government engages in routine torture of citizens … ”

    So … she's an American?

    1. George Spelvin

      Oh c'mon, you commie. We're not the only ones. This is not an example of American Exceptionalism.

  13. Blueb4sunrise

    Pssst, hey everybody, Lisa Wines lives in FRANCE, and has invited everyone over to her place to drink and fap.

    1. lisawines

      LOL. That's right! Come on down! I even have a bunk bed that's so close to the ceiling you feel like you're getting an MRI. But the bread and Brie are cheap.

          1. Chet Kincaid

            I spent a few days in Paris round about '91. Read some poems at Shakespeare & Co., and was disappointed at not being hailed as the next great Negro Americain Artiste. Shoulda brought a sax with me.

          2. lisawines

            Ha! I was in a play once with the daughter of the owner of Shakespeare & Co (he died recently so she's now the owner). One of the things I like about France is how it was a haven for black Americans when they were being abused in the US. But I'm sorry they didn't recognize your talents in '91. :-) Unfortunately, I have to go to beddy bye now. It's after 1am. I hope I don't miss any fun!!! See you on the flip side.

          3. flamingpdog

            I have a lovely American expat FB friend in Paris named Viviane. You must know her. I mean, there are only like, what, eleventy-hundred and ninety-seven people like that in Paris.

    2. littlebigdaddy

      I've been to one of those Frenchy wine and fap parties and they're not all they're cracked up to be.

  14. Callyson

    From the Daily Fail link:

    Karimova, who is a singer, designs jewellery and is registered as a professor at Tashkent's University of World Economy and Diplomacy

    So, she is Uzbekistan's answer to Orly Taitz then. (Oh, no, I may have just given SGK an idea of who they should hire next…)

      1. lisawines

        Hey that's what they did in the middle ages – married off their princes/esses to other countries' p/ps (peepees?). Then the combined country of North Karimova would rule the world!

  15. FakaktaSouth

    I'm sorry but child labor AND forced sterilization sounds like a terrible business model, where is she going to get her future work force?

        1. George Spelvin

          Yeah, my thought as well. Bubba's dressed for a funeral, and she's dressed for something. Also, isn't Bill 6'4" ish?

    1. Chet Kincaid

      "BILL – The Magazine Of The Clinton Lifestyle"!! The ultimate, international Laddie Book! Come for the policy papers, stay for the incredible geopolitical babes! The investors are just waiting for you to give the go-ahead, Mr. President!

  16. Rotundo_

    Borat with boobies! Komen can sure pick 'em. Does she have daddies enforcers on the sidelines to shoot anyone who fails to complete the race or turn over sufficient donations? The Japanese had the Bataan death march, will this be the Kazakstani Komen Death Race 2012?

  17. Guppy

    referred to in wikileaked US Embassy cables as ‘the most hated woman in rampantly corrupt Uzbekistan'

    In response to this false impression of the people's love for their leader and his family, any Uzbeki who has had any contact with an American diplomat has been shot.

  18. OneYieldRegular

    What's next – Imelda Marcos as official representative for the International Clubfoot Foundation?

    1. tessiee

      She could get some of her citizens to "donate" their scalps to make The Donald a decent-looking wig.

  19. LastGasp

    Most Uzbeks see Karimova as a greedy, power-hungry individual who uses her father to crush business people or anyone else who stands in her way.
    This is different from the Republicans version of Capitalism… how?

  20. Chet Kincaid

    She looks like the kind of World Class Breadwinner who could lovingly provide me with vacation homes, horses, a small recording/art studio back near the boathouse, a private jet and a 3-million-a-year child-raising budget! I would even hit it! Is she Available??

  21. tbogg

    Wedding circumcisions? So throwing foreskins instead of rice? That's totally going to freak out the vegans.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      It was not, however, like being raped, despite all the furor-generating headlines and "Doonesbury" cartoons that were printed. It was uncomfortable to the point of being painful, emotionally triggering (and undoubtedly is moreso for victims of rape or incest or any woman in the midst of an already-emotional experience) and something that no government should force its citizens to undergo to make a political point. But it wasn't like being raped—and using language like that not only minimizes rape for its survivors but makes them and other women more frightened of the procedure, which has significant and important medical uses.

      But being penetrated against your will is rape, regardless of what it "feels like", isn't it?

      1. Limeylizzie

        Well, I think there is a difference, I think the sheer “Medical” aspect takes it out of the realm of rape and more into the realm of something akin to physical abuse with a very, very misogynistic flavour.

          1. Limeylizzie

            I have had the date-rape experience and I have also had an abortion and they are not similar,both unbelievably unpleasant but vastly different and so I am going with my own gut feeling on this, I assume some women will feel differently than I do, suffice it to say it is a vile and repulsive thing to do to women when they are already traumatised.

          2. Limeylizzie

            Sorry, the hay loft is just for me and Chetkincaid, it's where we do our best work….

          3. James Michael Curley

            "From my mother's sleep I fell into the State,
            And I hunched in its belly till my wet fur froze.
            Six miles from earth, loosed from its dream of life,
            I woke to black flak and the nightmare fighters.
            When I died they washed me out of the turret with a hose."
            The Death of the Ball Turret Gunner
            ©Randall Jarell – Now in the public domain

          4. James Michael Curley

            First heard it as a kid. Scared the hell out of me. Didn’t help to read Catch-22 at 13. When the draft had me headed off as a door gunner, I jumped at the chance to be a pilot. Seemed safer.

        1. sullivanst

          It's not medical, though. You use scare quotes for good reason. It's some bunch of old men getting together and deciding this needs to be done to women. Which brings it right back into rapeland.

          1. Man0nTheStreet

            I wonder if those same old men gather 'round to sniff the Trans-Vaginal Shaming Device of Godly Correction after each use?

        2. SayItWithWookies

          Regardless of its use for gaining knowledge about a patient's body, making someone undergo a procedure for no reason is still a violation — especially considering the person requiring that procedure is a politician with no medical justification whatsoever.

          But it might be a distinction without a difference — it's unconscionable to force someone to undergo that regardless. Hell, I consider it a violation of my privacy that I have to take a pee test to get a job.

      2. sullivanst

        In her case it wasn't like rape because she chose, voluntarily, to undergo the procedure.

    2. ttommyunger

      Watched the whole four minutes, including foreplay. Massive FAIL! Not only did she not achieve orgasm, she wasn't even thoughtful enough to fake it. Money back, pleeze!

    3. George Spelvin

      Apparently, all y'all were smart enough not to glance at the comments. Quoting LL, "Mech".

    4. tessiee

      My apologies if this is over-sharing, but I've had that kind of ultrasound for medical reasons. I found it mildly uncomfortable, but the idea that it's not rapey because it's not intensely painful is missing the point. It's rapey because it is done to women against their will, pretty much for the express purpose of shaming them for having sex. I agree with Ms. Carpentier's greater point, however.

    1. Tundra Grifter


      If you have the video then the party's at your house! I'm good for the chip 'n' dip. And some beer.

  22. Dashboard Buddha

    Race for the Cure

    As long as the pharmaceutical companies are in cohoots with, or in some cases financially tied to the same companies that are making us sick, there will never be a "cure" for anything…ever.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Be careful what you wish for.

      Very, very careful.

      I think her nickname is "The Praying Mantis."

    1. BlueStateLibel

      Saw the name "Dick" and "Dead" there and my heart leaped up with hope there for a moment.

  23. Man0nTheStreet

    I hope no one tells Dick Clark about the Komen PR mess – it would just kill him!



    WHA…. oh – oh yeah, right….

  24. LiberalMantra

    Tonight's special encore presentation of "Evita, The Eugenics Years" is brought to you by the Susan G. Komen Foundation, bringing you a better world with no blahs and queers.

  25. NYNYNYjr

    I'd say she's def "tight-lipped on how the project is financed." Too much teeth, also. Get lessons from Lindsey LoGraham girl.

  26. LiveToServeYa

    I think I saw her in that Bond film "Never Say Octopussy Again". Or "What Up, Tigerbilly?" whichever.

  27. Chichikovovich

    I think from Susan G Komen's point of view, it all balances out. On one hand, Karimov has probably killed more people by forcibly submerging them in boiling water than the majority of Komen supporters. On the other, I don't see anything about Karimov funding Planned Parenthood. Looks like a wash to me.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      But isn't Uzbekistan one our allies in the War on Terror? Didn't we need military bases there for our wars in Afghanistan and Iraq?

      We propped up Mubarak in Egypt for decades. Sure he tortured his own people. But he stuck up for Israel, so he wasn't all bad.

      President Bush (43) returned American foreign policy to the sad days of the 1950's – we'd support any tinpot dictator just as long as we could say "Well, he's a sonofabitch, but he's our sonofabitch."

      1. sullivanst

        I don't know if we ever were allowed back in after Karimov expelled our troops because Bushie had the temerity to suggest that maybe boiling people to death isn't something we want our "allies" to be doing.

    1. Designer_Rants

      Eugenics in America …the movement was to some extent a reaction to a change in emigration from Europe

      Oh, how quaint. That was when white people could still tell each other apart enough to hate each other along ethnocentric lines.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      I just had to click that because I thought it linked to something about the Terry Jones I like instead of that publicity whore cult leader in Florida.

  28. ttommyunger

    This does not affect Mittens or his sons, since they are already circumcised-with Pinking Shears, no less.

  29. Jukesgrrl

    From her charming web page, "About Me":
    “I am not fanatical about make-up. I’m more into medical stuff, creams and oils. I like cosmetics that contain hyaluronan."

    Never heard of it, so I looked it up. "Hyaluronan (hyaluronic acid) is a high-molecular-mass polysaccharide found in the extracellular matrix, especially of soft connective tissues … Analysis of serum hyaluronan is promising in the diagnosis of liver disease and various inflammatory conditions, e.g., rheumatoid arthritis. Interstitial edema caused by accumulation of hyaluronan may cause dysfunction in various organs." (from NIH)

    Says absolutely nothing about using it in cosmetics. I look forward to her dysfunction in various organs.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        I already have three posts about him on HuffPo.I'm nothing if not huffy on this subject.To those here who don't know this prince:He wants to start his political career as a U.S. Congressman.With NO previous government experience at all (not even GOP volunteer work).NO professional job experience other than working for Daddy.NO college education and the usual tea bag disdain for education in general (just what we need in AZ).Lived in Texas until very recently.He belongs to the Alive Church, “Discovering Truth In A Relaxed Cafe' Environment … Christ Centered, Cross Focused,” if that don't beat all, as they say.But my favorite part:Daddy's construction company is loaded up with government contracts, while Junior says he's against government stimulus. NO EARMARKS …”All except the ones earmarked for my family.”Jackass couldn't find his way from Capitol Hill to Georgetown.

        1. bagofmice

          North to K street and take a right. Amusing, no? Hell, it gets you close to the watergate.

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      "Hyaluronan (hyaluronic acid) is a high-molecular-mass polysaccharide found in the extracellular matrix"

      So it's outside cells. And it's a starch.

      So starch your face, dictator-daughter. Lovely.

    2. ThundercatHo

      Veterinarians use this substance to lubricate "dry" joints in horses. Specifically, it is injected into the hocks (rear ankles). A lady vet once gave me a tiny bit of hyaluronic acid left in the vial and said I could rub it around my eyes to help with laugh lines.

  30. Schmannnity

    Isn't that an old Rosemary Clooney song?

    Karimova my housa c'mon, Karimova my housa c'mon, Karimova my housa c'mon, ima gonna give you candy.

      1. flamingpdog

        Phil Bergman is old news, from early March (DB obviously missed the mention on teh Wonkette at the time). Three of a kind have to be a lot closer in time than that. Still looking for numero dos.

        1. James Michael Curley

          You know Ben Stein hasn't shown any emotion or moved in weeks, but its kind of hard to tell.

  31. Ducksworthy

    Fortunately, because of Citizens United, the Karinova family are now major contributors to Karl Rove's American Crossroads, so Komen is OK with her (despited the rumors of her father partially boiling his political opponents.

  32. tessiee

    I saw the words "Dictator's Daughter" in the headline, and thought it was one of those slutty drunk Bush twins. I am disappoint.

    1. SudsMcKenzie

      So, ahh, dont ask dont tell led to secret service agents ordering pussy in Columbia? I don't think so Tony, but lets order up a hurricane just in case.

    2. Man0nTheStreet doubt as part of the Kenyan Alinsky/N0bama plot to ram down our throats Marxist Muslim Elitist Gay-marriage in America!!1!!

      1. George Spelvin

        And if you're an American band, go on American Bandstan.

        RIP, Dorian Clark. You outlived my mother-in-law by one day. RIP her, too.

        FWIW, I liked my MIL a lot; and I developed some late-breaking respect for Dick as I occasionally watched him soldier on through the stroke. Who'd have thought that being a total attention whore would eventually become a kind of engaging personality attribute?

    1. Negropolis

      One gets the feeling that Borat would hit just about anything with legs; two, four or more.

  33. Tundra Grifter

    Al Franken, being interviewed about his book:

    I've done a number of USO tours, and the year before last I went to Uzbekistan, which has an air force base right above Afghanistan. So I run into these PSY-OPs guys and I ask them, "Tell me about the Uzbeki regime here," and they go, "Oh, it's great." And I said, "Aren't they the most repressive regime in the former Soviet Republic?" And they said, "Oh, yeah, yeah, they're horrible. They boil people." And on the show, I said they boil dissidents in oil. It turned out they just boil 'em in water.

    1. Ducksworthy

      Odd too, because they have lots of oil. But these "dissidents" are only enemies of the family who object to their corruption so its not like they're boiling "political" dissidents. The GOP'ers are Komen are OK with boiling family enemies. Political dissidents should be burned.

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