ALL THAT AND A BAG OF DICKS  5:01 pm April 18, 2012

Susan G. Komen Foundation In Hot Sexy Hook-Up With Dictator’s Daughter

by Lisa Wines

Tits or ... well, exactlyThe Susan G. Komen Foundation has been so busy trying to abort their corporate image and stem the (menstrual) flow of their profits, they may have forgotten to do the proper amount of VETTENING of their spanking new breast-saving partner for the Susan G. Komen Uzbekibekibekistan Race for the Cure, a certain delightful dicatator’s daughter named Gulnara Karimova. But hey, when everyone else hates you, you might as well shack up with the woman referred to in wikileaked US Embassy cables as ‘the most hated woman in rampantly corrupt Uzbekistan.’

One cable describes Miss Karimova and reads: ‘Most Uzbeks see Karimova as a greedy, power-hungry individual who uses her father to crush business people or anyone else who stands in her way … She remains the single most hated person in the country.’

So, let’s learn more about the lovely Gulnara, shall we? Here are her strongest assets: Daughter of a Dictator, whose government regularly forcibly sterilizes its citizens and whose “government engages in routine torture of citizens and has subjected dissenters to forced psychiatric treatment”; creator of many, many ‘questionable’ charities; forcer of child labor for her fashion line; and… a generous giver of circumcisions! Goodness, all of that seems somehow much more troubling than providing health services to poor women! But we’re sure we’re wrong.

“Uzbek officials are still ordering women to be forcibly sterilized, but Tashkent has christened 2012 the “Year of the Family,” pledging to help young couples marry and families stay together. Getting into the spirit, First Daughter Gulnara Karimova and her charitable foundations are promising parties in a campaign dubbed ‘1,000 weddings, 1,000 circumcisions.’”

Well bless her heart! But it’s a bit unclear what exactly a wedding AND circumcision party would be like. Does the happy couple get married and then the groom whips off his togs and gets circumcised right then and there? Or does the happy-go-lucky couple have a baby FIRST and THEN get married and afterwards whip off the baby’s togs and circumcise him? Well, the UzDaily, a pro-regime news hackery, cleared it all up for us: This amazing prize is only for NEEDY families and they get a free wedding and when they have a son they get to come back for a free cutting. Oh those Uzbekies! So quaint! The best quote ever? Fund Forum, a charity conglomerate of which Gulnara is the titular head, ‘is tight-lipped on how the project is financed.’ We bet she is.

We can maybe understand how Susan G. Komen missed the part about Gulnara’s daddy’s forced sterilization program (what with that funny phlah khlah language they speak and all), but they certainly couldn’t have missed a tiny incident during Fashion Week last September when the New York Post reported, “Faced with protests about the participation of the Uzbek dictator’s daughter in Fashion Week, IMG, the agency organizing the event in New York has cancelled the fashion show of Gulnara Karimova…” Oh, right, that was Human Rights Watch protesting about child labor. What doesn’t Uzbekistan have going for it!

If the US news media totally misses out on this intricate web of the Susan G. Komen Foundation canoodling with state sterilizers (because the newz houndz are still worrying over whether Obama ate a puppy raw or with sauce), then maybe the Suzie Q. Komen Uzbekistan Race for the Cure will still happen May 1. If so, we hope all of you will run right over there and get circumcised and/or your uterus snatched, which is the proper medical term. [Registan/BBC]

 
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{ 299 comments }

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 5:07 pm

"She remains the single most hated person in the country."

But, is she single?

dadanarchist April 18, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Is that Arianna Huffington?

coolhandnuke April 18, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I thought it was Kate Moss with a Farrah do.

BarackMyWorld April 18, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Valerie Bertinelli.

commiegirl April 18, 2012 at 8:54 pm

That's what I saw!

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 9:42 pm

No, Valerie never had that disdainful "you on the other side of the lens are shit" look.

Barb April 18, 2012 at 5:08 pm

"She remains the single most hated person in the country"
I wonder if our single most hated person in this country can see Gulnara Karimova in Uzbekistan from her house?

GOPCrusher April 18, 2012 at 5:24 pm

And also.

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Dick Cheney got new sex organs along with his new heart?

sewollef April 19, 2012 at 8:40 am

Dick hasn't got a new 'heart'. he's got a reconditioned 1962 Dodge Polara's V6 unit. It leaks transmission fluid and wheezes a bit, but I hear it's 'guaranteed' for 3 months.

I know the scrap dealer's yard he salvaged it from. Vinnie's a nice guy.

CheneysOldHeart April 18, 2012 at 5:09 pm

This is my kinda woman!

hagajim April 18, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Ahhh, good old Susan G….who fed these people the stoopid pills all of a sudden. Have they been this fucked up for a long time and nobody paid attention – or is this a recent spate of fuckuperry.

Toomush_Infer April 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm

an unfortunate result of the Idiocracy….

bikerlaureate April 18, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Komen get it.

Tundra Grifter April 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Komen didn't get it.

bikerlaureate April 18, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Depends on what the "it" is.

weejee April 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Birds of a feather, eh er … snip foreskins together??

my bad, / sigh

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Feed a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Snip off his foreskin…he will fucking scream!!!!

Barb April 18, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I am TOTALLY against circumcision. Jeff had it done the day he was born and the poor guy couldn't walk until he was 18 months-old.

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I think it is cruel. And there are "other reasons" for us to keep what God gave us. I won't discuss in polite company.

Barb April 18, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Then just email it to me, lol.

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Oh I dunno. I'm "missing the hubcap" and I had all sorts of grief growing up from my buddies who had theirs done. My foreskin made me the bitter angry man I am today.

Fare la Volpe April 18, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Just how many boys were you showing your penis?

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Were you foreskin before you were against it?

weejee April 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Maybe the Ozzfestbyjohnnies could use the nesting eaglets to do the circumcising. There are still 3, huzzah!

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Hey! Give her credit, she earns money in that uniquely American way: in tips!

Swampgas_Man April 18, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Just helpin' couples live in marital bris.

bagofmice April 19, 2012 at 2:51 am

Foreskins come in handy.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I would give her a breast exam.

coolhandnuke April 18, 2012 at 5:12 pm

As the most hateds go, she should be paired up with Dick Cheney. Then fuck him to death, remove his new heart and then she should spend more time in her garden.

CheneysOldHeart April 18, 2012 at 5:14 pm

That guy is nothing without me.

Nostrildamus April 18, 2012 at 6:37 pm

If Cheney is to be fucked to death, I would prefer it to be by an over-clocked, multi-dildonic alien robot with a razor-wire router attachment.

But maybe that's just me.

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Along with the little kid from Identity.

Generation[redacted] April 18, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Before you judge too harshly, consider this: Forced-sterilized women don't have abortions.

Callyson April 18, 2012 at 5:27 pm

But by Arizona's law, they have an abortion every time they get their periods.

Tundra Grifter April 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Ya know, gay married couples don't generally get abortions, either. But that doesn't seem to have drawn many right wing nutz to support the concept.

anniegetyerfun April 18, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Or need birth control! This is the way that Komen should have b een heading all along.

extreme_left April 18, 2012 at 6:58 pm

they can't be single mothers, also.

ProgressiveInga April 18, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Gulnara Karimova is the Karen Handel of Uzbekistan.

elviouslyqueer April 18, 2012 at 5:14 pm

But it’s a bit unclear what exactly a wedding AND circumcision party would be like.

Oh please. "Come for the bride, stay for the bris." Easiest. Wedding. Invitation. EVER.

SayItWithWookies April 18, 2012 at 5:21 pm

"Make the toast quick — 'cause in five minutes nobody'll be removing their hands from over their crotch."

Karma_Suture April 18, 2012 at 7:09 pm

"Make the toast quick…"

I don't WANT to know where the chipped beef is coming from for the toast.

gout April 18, 2012 at 5:22 pm

So does the groom throw the foreskin?

YasserArraFeck April 18, 2012 at 5:43 pm

In an amusing reversal of the usual "fun", the bride pulls it off with her teeth, while the guests cheers her on.

johnnymeatworth April 18, 2012 at 6:33 pm

It's baked into the wedding cake for a little Mardi Gras-style excitement!

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Well, if the circumcisions came first, you'd have hors d'oeurves for the reception

anniegetyerfun April 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

"Did you say "try tip"? That sounds good."

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Oh, that was good.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:00 pm

"Veal your waitresses. Try the tip."

SexySmurf April 18, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Did you hear the one about the doctor who performs circumcisions?

He works for tips.

(I'm trying to single-handedly bring back Vaudeville.)

Swampgas_Man April 18, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Roy L Doyle, the Mohel, cheapest rabbi in town.

Spurning Beer April 18, 2012 at 8:06 pm

(I'm trying to single-handedly bring back Vaudeville.)

Cool. I'm trying to bring back masturbation single-handedly.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:02 pm

I didn't realize that single-handed masturbation had ever gone away.

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 9:47 pm

You wanna bring back Vaudeville, you got to be ready to use all your body parts.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:07 pm

This priest and this rabbi lived next door to each other. One afternoon, the priest was washing his car when he sprayed the rabbi's car with the hose. The rabbi came out his front door and said to the priest, "What are you doing?". The priest said, "Relax, I'm just baptizing your car. It's a blessing."

The next morning, the priest looked out his window and saw the rabbi chopping off the end of his car's tailpipe.

Lascauxcaveman April 19, 2012 at 2:04 am

Lol, but I did that one (much better, what is your typing finger a bit sore?) a couple months ago. One of these days. I'll type out my priest/rabbi/sex/pork howler.

You'll love it.

larryfinexx April 18, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Gulnara Karimova is a good name for a women tennis player

Callyson April 18, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I thought it was a porn star's name for a moment there.

YasserArraFeck April 18, 2012 at 5:44 pm

She not interested in balls (yet) – only foreskins

Blueb4sunrise April 18, 2012 at 5:17 pm

My English-Uzbek dictionary says it's:

onanizm bilan shug'ullanmoq
onanizm bilan shug'ullanmoq
onanizm bilan shug'ullanmoq
onanizm bilan shug'ullanmoq
onanizm bilan shug'ullanmoq

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 5:38 pm

"Onanism?" Is this another "easy to masturbate to" post?

Blueb4sunrise April 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

ha
[it says that's 'yes' in Uzbek]

Man0nTheStreet April 18, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Amen!

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Unfortunately, I could not, within my normal 300-second limit, find a translator that could render "Oh, for fuck's sake". So I am speechless.

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Has anyone mentioned the Royal Deluxe II yet???????????

SayItWithWookies April 18, 2012 at 5:18 pm

It's a good thing the Komen Foundation took their principled stand against women doing what they chose with their bodies and was able to apply it somewhere it was welcome. I'm sure the torture, murder and forced sterilization are just icing on that every-life-is-sacred cake, too.

Generation[redacted] April 18, 2012 at 6:23 pm

I'm sure they at least took the time to check if she is currently under investigation by her father government

Antispandex April 18, 2012 at 5:18 pm

"…Karimova as a greedy, power-hungry individual who uses her father to crush business people or anyone else who stands in her way …"

Do NOT let The Tea Party hear about this or it's Senator Karimova before you can blink! I mean, this could be Mitten's, or Newt's, next baby mama.

sullivanst April 18, 2012 at 5:27 pm

What they didn't mention is that "crush" was meant literally, head-in-a-vice style. That's the lucky ones, of course. The unlucky ones get boiled alive.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:03 pm

"this could be Mitten's, or Newt's, next baby mama"

Or Levi Johnson's, more likely.

nounverb911 April 18, 2012 at 5:19 pm

“Oy, It was such a shanda! I should never buy gribenes from a Mohel. It's so chewy.”
–Mrs. Doubtfire

Barb April 18, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Good thing Hitler isn't around or Komen would come up with the bright idea of "goose-stepping for the cure"

SayItWithWookies April 18, 2012 at 5:43 pm

It was a beautiful torchlight rally — and for such a worthy cause!

SayItWithWookies April 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

The Cure for the Race.

Barb April 18, 2012 at 5:47 pm

YES, that's what I am talking about! SayitWithWookies just won my heart!

SayItWithWookies April 18, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I knew it was in there somewhere — it just had to keep rattling around until it came out.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Nicely done!

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I agree, that is a win!

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:03 pm

You know who else–

Oh, DAMN it!

MarionNYNY April 18, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Palin/Karamova 2012

Jukesgrrl April 18, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Cat fight in 3, 2, 1 …

MarionNYNY April 19, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Rrrrrrrrr

Come here a minute April 18, 2012 at 5:22 pm

What a bunch of boobs.

larryfinexx April 18, 2012 at 5:22 pm

The moyl made a wallet out of foreskins and rubbed it to make a suitcase.

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Which scares me. As everyone knows the flight attendants just SLAM those overhead doors down in preflight.

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Be in my bunk!

Sharkey April 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Hello, "Lisa Wines"!

Wine much?

lisawines April 18, 2012 at 5:34 pm

My nickname in high school: Wino.

Sharkey April 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

What a coincedence!

So was Gulnara's.

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 8:09 pm

♪ "Spill the Wines, take that girl, spill the Wines, take that pearl." ♪

lisawines April 19, 2012 at 1:48 am

Great reference! Great song.

edgydrifter April 18, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I can see how "Race for the Forced Sterilization" might be less marketable.

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Although (h/t to Wookies) "Forced Sterilization for the Race" has possibilities.

UnholyMoses April 18, 2012 at 5:25 pm

"whose “government engages in routine torture of citizens … ”

So … she's an American?

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Oh c'mon, you commie. We're not the only ones. This is not an example of American Exceptionalism.

Poindexter718 April 18, 2012 at 5:29 pm

The pink scalpels will be cute.

OneYieldRegular April 18, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Race for the cut!

Blueb4sunrise April 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Pssst, hey everybody, Lisa Wines lives in FRANCE, and has invited everyone over to her place to drink and fap.

lisawines April 18, 2012 at 5:44 pm

LOL. That's right! Come on down! I even have a bunk bed that's so close to the ceiling you feel like you're getting an MRI. But the bread and Brie are cheap.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:08 pm
lisawines April 18, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Yup.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I spent a few days in Paris round about '91. Read some poems at Shakespeare & Co., and was disappointed at not being hailed as the next great Negro Americain Artiste. Shoulda brought a sax with me.

Blueb4sunrise April 18, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Also, be careful of the 'brie'.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Ew.

littlebigdaddy April 18, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I've been to one of those Frenchy wine and fap parties and they're not all they're cracked up to be.

lisawines April 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Especially the part about the lack of bathing.

littlebigdaddy April 18, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Welcome to Wonkette, Lisa Wines!

lisawines April 18, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Thank you, littlebigdaddy! :-)

Preferred Customer April 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm

You did not mention her duet with Julio Iglesias:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=win2PG2mQ-M

Or her pop music video, which is truly inspirational:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd8BVcmj0B8

lisawines April 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm

There were so many things I wanted to add, especially that her stage name is GooGoosha.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 5:59 pm

You see, Megs McCain? That's how to be a politician's talentless daughter!

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Wouldn't Juan becoming dick-tater be sort of a pre-req?

Callyson April 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm

From the Daily Fail link:

Karimova, who is a singer, designs jewellery and is registered as a professor at Tashkent's University of World Economy and Diplomacy

So, she is Uzbekistan's answer to Orly Taitz then. (Oh, no, I may have just given SGK an idea of who they should hire next…)

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Somebody should hook her up with Li'l Kim in North Korea. Think of the wedding celebration! Missile launches and circumcisions for everybody!!

Jukesgrrl April 18, 2012 at 8:43 pm

I'll bet she has a hole-in-one on every round of golf, too.

lisawines April 19, 2012 at 2:08 am

Hey that's what they did in the middle ages – married off their princes/esses to other countries' p/ps (peepees?). Then the combined country of North Karimova would rule the world!

DemmeFatale April 18, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Sounds more Uzbekistan's answer to Elena Ceausescu.

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Except she's still breathing.

LesBontemps April 18, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Karimova offered a slot on Fox & Fiends in 3, 2, 1 …..

bagofmice April 18, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Well, she IS blond. So there's that.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:09 pm

She has blonde hair, she's rich, and she's a colossal asshat. Be ON Fox? She could BUY it.

SaintRond April 18, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Gee, she's really abusive.

LesBontemps April 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

But is she as good at it as our own Mistress Sara Benincasa?

FakaktaSouth April 18, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I'm sorry but child labor AND forced sterilization sounds like a terrible business model, where is she going to get her future work force?

MoeDeLawn April 19, 2012 at 9:12 am

She's going to (a la W Bush) rely on faith-based intiatives.

ph7 April 18, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I wouldn't kick her out of bed for torturing citizens. Neither would Pres. Bill, either.

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Blood money buys a fuckload of plastic surgery.

sullivanst April 18, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Also a Photoshop license.

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Yeah, my thought as well. Bubba's dressed for a funeral, and she's dressed for something. Also, isn't Bill 6'4" ish?

Butch_Wagstaff April 18, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I'm sure her extensions are made from real human hair, know what I'm sayin'?

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 9:15 pm

That some of her child laborers are also bald?

teebob2000 April 18, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Hey, where's his right hand? I… ew!!!

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:35 pm

"BILL – The Magazine Of The Clinton Lifestyle"!! The ultimate, international Laddie Book! Come for the policy papers, stay for the incredible geopolitical babes! The investors are just waiting for you to give the go-ahead, Mr. President!

horsedreamer_1 April 18, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Eleanore Mondale was something else.

Designer_Rants April 18, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Bill is: The Most Interesting Man In The World.

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

This does make me wonder if their 10K Race is really only just a 6.5K Race.

Rotundo_ April 18, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Borat with boobies! Komen can sure pick 'em. Does she have daddies enforcers on the sidelines to shoot anyone who fails to complete the race or turn over sufficient donations? The Japanese had the Bataan death march, will this be the Kazakstani Komen Death Race 2012?

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 5:43 pm

referred to in wikileaked US Embassy cables as ‘the most hated woman in rampantly corrupt Uzbekistan'

In response to this false impression of the people's love for their leader and his family, any Uzbeki who has had any contact with an American diplomat has been shot.

OneYieldRegular April 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

What's next – Imelda Marcos as official representative for the International Clubfoot Foundation?

HempDogbane April 18, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Trump/Karimova 2012 !

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Trump/Karimova-Trump 2016!

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:12 pm

She could get some of her citizens to "donate" their scalps to make The Donald a decent-looking wig.

LastGasp April 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Most Uzbeks see Karimova as a greedy, power-hungry individual who uses her father to crush business people or anyone else who stands in her way.
This is different from the Republicans version of Capitalism… how?

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Yes, you see, we won the Cold War.

Tundra Grifter April 18, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Here's betting Gulnara was Miss Uzbekistan 2011.

And 2010.

And 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005…

Bonus: http://gulnarakarimova.com/en/pages/about-gulnara

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 7:01 pm

TG:

Where can I purchase the rug in the masthead of her website, also?

HempDogbane April 19, 2012 at 1:06 am

The Donald & The Gulnara have some things in common.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 5:53 pm

She looks like the kind of World Class Breadwinner who could lovingly provide me with vacation homes, horses, a small recording/art studio back near the boathouse, a private jet and a 3-million-a-year child-raising budget! I would even hit it! Is she Available??

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I do get the feeling that she has a stable-full of kept men.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Not the same ones from one day to the next; she's the type that kills after mating.

tbogg April 18, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Wedding circumcisions? So throwing foreskins instead of rice? That's totally going to freak out the vegans.

Fare la Volpe April 18, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Forget the vegans; what about the birds?

Limeylizzie April 18, 2012 at 6:11 pm

In other vaginal news , this woman is a national treasure. Queer Wonketteers will feel all queasy, so best not read.
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/cutline/reporter-mega

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:14 pm

It was not, however, like being raped, despite all the furor-generating headlines and "Doonesbury" cartoons that were printed. It was uncomfortable to the point of being painful, emotionally triggering (and undoubtedly is moreso for victims of rape or incest or any woman in the midst of an already-emotional experience) and something that no government should force its citizens to undergo to make a political point. But it wasn't like being raped—and using language like that not only minimizes rape for its survivors but makes them and other women more frightened of the procedure, which has significant and important medical uses.

But being penetrated against your will is rape, regardless of what it "feels like", isn't it?

Limeylizzie April 18, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Well, I think there is a difference, I think the sheer “Medical” aspect takes it out of the realm of rape and more into the realm of something akin to physical abuse with a very, very misogynistic flavour.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Still sounds like rape to me.

Limeylizzie April 18, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I have had the date-rape experience and I have also had an abortion and they are not similar,both unbelievably unpleasant but vastly different and so I am going with my own gut feeling on this, I assume some women will feel differently than I do, suffice it to say it is a vile and repulsive thing to do to women when they are already traumatised.

sullivanst April 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm

It's not medical, though. You use scare quotes for good reason. It's some bunch of old men getting together and deciding this needs to be done to women. Which brings it right back into rapeland.

Man0nTheStreet April 18, 2012 at 7:22 pm

I wonder if those same old men gather 'round to sniff the Trans-Vaginal Shaming Device of Godly Correction after each use?

SayItWithWookies April 18, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Regardless of its use for gaining knowledge about a patient's body, making someone undergo a procedure for no reason is still a violation — especially considering the person requiring that procedure is a politician with no medical justification whatsoever.

But it might be a distinction without a difference — it's unconscionable to force someone to undergo that regardless. Hell, I consider it a violation of my privacy that I have to take a pee test to get a job.

sullivanst April 18, 2012 at 6:23 pm

In her case it wasn't like rape because she chose, voluntarily, to undergo the procedure.

extreme_left April 19, 2012 at 1:16 am

This would seem to be a fundamental flaw in the 'experiment'.

ttommyunger April 18, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Watched the whole four minutes, including foreplay. Massive FAIL! Not only did she not achieve orgasm, she wasn't even thoughtful enough to fake it. Money back, pleeze!

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Apparently, all y'all were smart enough not to glance at the comments. Quoting LL, "Mech".

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:22 pm

My apologies if this is over-sharing, but I've had that kind of ultrasound for medical reasons. I found it mildly uncomfortable, but the idea that it's not rapey because it's not intensely painful is missing the point. It's rapey because it is done to women against their will, pretty much for the express purpose of shaming them for having sex. I agree with Ms. Carpentier's greater point, however.

Limeylizzie April 18, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Nicely put. You are our Vaginal Probe expert!

mavenmaven April 18, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Wow, she is the living embodiment of the current GOP platform.

Exhausted66 April 18, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I'm finding it hard, and masturbating to this post.

littlebigdaddy April 18, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Is this Orly Taitz's new bff?

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Has anyone seen her and Michelle Malkin and Tia Tequila at the same time?!

iburl April 18, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Only in my Uzziest dreams

Tundra Grifter April 18, 2012 at 9:19 pm

CK:

If you have the video then the party's at your house! I'm good for the chip 'n' dip. And some beer.

redarmyzombie April 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

You know who ELSE used the government to crush people who stood in their way?

Radiotherapy April 18, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Soylent Green is People!

ifthethunderdontgetya April 18, 2012 at 6:41 pm

The Puritans?
~

Generation[redacted] April 18, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Gozira!

horsedreamer_1 April 18, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Nero?

Radiotherapy April 18, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Who fans?

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 11:07 pm

and what do they fan?

bagofmice April 19, 2012 at 2:58 am

Doctor or the?

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Steamroller operators working for state highway departments?

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Ferdinand and Isabella?

glamourdammerung April 18, 2012 at 11:10 pm

That guy who was president before Obama that Republicans keep denying existed?

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Dick Cheney?

iburl April 18, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Race for the Cure (or we will electroshock you and boil you in oil)

Man0nTheStreet April 18, 2012 at 7:24 pm

But you'll be cured either way, won'tcha! So quityurbitchin'…

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Which Royal House on "Game Of Thrones" does she head, again?

lisawines April 19, 2012 at 2:20 am

Slytherin.

DerrickWildcat April 19, 2012 at 7:06 am

I don't understand that show at all. I watched it once and there were no Wizards or Talking Animals.

Chet Kincaid April 19, 2012 at 11:18 am

There is a dragon, but only a teeny one. And you know what they say about dragon-size.

Dashboard Buddha April 18, 2012 at 6:29 pm

‘1,000 weddings, 1,000 circumcisions.’

Worst movie title, ever.

Generation[redacted] April 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm

I hate getting dragged to chick flicks.

Dashboard Buddha April 18, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Especially where any kind of cutting on dicks is performed.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:25 pm

It's a chick flick AND a biblical epic!

Man0nTheStreet April 18, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Mormon pr0n?

johnnyzhivago April 18, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Uzbecks have a BONE IN THEIR BRAIN, folks – what do you expect???????????

Dashboard Buddha April 18, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Race for the Cure

As long as the pharmaceutical companies are in cohoots with, or in some cases financially tied to the same companies that are making us sick, there will never be a "cure" for anything…ever.

johnnyzhivago April 18, 2012 at 6:33 pm

If you told me she made 1000 Eunicks, I would start getting concerned here…

littlebigdaddy April 18, 2012 at 6:33 pm

She looks like number three prostitute in all of Kazakhstan.

Blueb4sunrise April 18, 2012 at 6:50 pm

slut = manjalaq

Pro-Tip: Do not search for manjalaq to check the translation.

Swampgas_Man April 18, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Why can't I meet a hawt babe like this?

Tundra Grifter April 18, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Be careful what you wish for.

Very, very careful.

I think her nickname is "The Praying Mantis."

ifthethunderdontgetya April 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm
BlueStateLibel April 18, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Saw the name "Dick" and "Dead" there and my heart leaped up with hope there for a moment.

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 7:56 pm

And yet Dick Cheney lives.

I hate this world.

Man0nTheStreet April 18, 2012 at 6:47 pm

I hope no one tells Dick Clark about the Komen PR mess – it would just kill him!

What?

WHAT?!?

WHA…. oh – oh yeah, right….

Radiotherapy April 18, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Enhanced fundraising.

LiberalMantra April 18, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Tonight's special encore presentation of "Evita, The Eugenics Years" is brought to you by the Susan G. Komen Foundation, bringing you a better world with no blahs and queers.

Butch_Wagstaff April 18, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Only on the Hallmark Channel.

valthemus April 18, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Delete this post before someone at Bravo sees it and gives this woman a reality show. For the love of humanity, delete it now!

Man0nTheStreet April 18, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Too late!
bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Tuesdays this Summer, 9pm Eastern, on Bravo!

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Real Housedictators of Tashkent.

Toomush_Infer April 18, 2012 at 7:03 pm

1000 weddings/1000 circumcisions: The tooth mother naked at last…..

NYNYNYjr April 18, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I'd say she's def "tight-lipped on how the project is financed." Too much teeth, also. Get lessons from Lindsey LoGraham girl.

LiveToServeYa April 18, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I think I saw her in that Bond film "Never Say Octopussy Again". Or "What Up, Tigerbilly?" whichever.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 8:12 pm
George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 11:20 pm

COBURN LIBEL!!!

Chichikovovich April 18, 2012 at 7:30 pm

I think from Susan G Komen's point of view, it all balances out. On one hand, Karimov has probably killed more people by forcibly submerging them in boiling water than the majority of Komen supporters. On the other, I don't see anything about Karimov funding Planned Parenthood. Looks like a wash to me.

Tundra Grifter April 18, 2012 at 9:15 pm

But isn't Uzbekistan one our allies in the War on Terror? Didn't we need military bases there for our wars in Afghanistan and Iraq?

We propped up Mubarak in Egypt for decades. Sure he tortured his own people. But he stuck up for Israel, so he wasn't all bad.

President Bush (43) returned American foreign policy to the sad days of the 1950's – we'd support any tinpot dictator just as long as we could say "Well, he's a sonofabitch, but he's our sonofabitch."

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Pardon me, but at what point did we stop saying that?

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:29 pm

And as long as he was a *right-wing* tinpot dictator.

sullivanst April 19, 2012 at 10:03 am

I don't know if we ever were allowed back in after Karimov expelled our troops because Bushie had the temerity to suggest that maybe boiling people to death isn't something we want our "allies" to be doing.

Biff April 18, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Forced sterilization? Isn't this supposed to be the Democrat(sic) party's wet dream?

Designer_Rants April 18, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Eugenics in America …the movement was to some extent a reaction to a change in emigration from Europe

Oh, how quaint. That was when white people could still tell each other apart enough to hate each other along ethnocentric lines.

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 8:00 pm

How does this affect Herman Cain?

iburl April 18, 2012 at 9:32 pm

boner?

BlueStateLibel April 18, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Needz more, no wait, less, Bloody Countess.

Butch_Wagstaff April 18, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Elizabeth Bathory is still alive living in Uzbekistan?

Aridzona April 18, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Slave to fashion indeed!

ManchuCandidate April 18, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Hot in Uzbekistan?

What the hell is Valerie Bertanelli doing as the daughter of a hated Dicktater?

chascates April 18, 2012 at 9:11 pm

My thoughts on seeing the picture. Good thing I don't live there, I'd end up her slave.

Biff April 18, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Wonder what Terry Jones thinks of this?

Butch_Wagstaff April 18, 2012 at 8:34 pm

I just had to click that because I thought it linked to something about the Terry Jones I like instead of that publicity whore cult leader in Florida.

ttommyunger April 18, 2012 at 8:38 pm

This does not affect Mittens or his sons, since they are already circumcised-with Pinking Shears, no less.

Jukesgrrl April 18, 2012 at 8:53 pm

From her charming web page, "About Me":
“I am not fanatical about make-up. I’m more into medical stuff, creams and oils. I like cosmetics that contain hyaluronan."

Never heard of it, so I looked it up. "Hyaluronan (hyaluronic acid) is a high-molecular-mass polysaccharide found in the extracellular matrix, especially of soft connective tissues … Analysis of serum hyaluronan is promising in the diagnosis of liver disease and various inflammatory conditions, e.g., rheumatoid arthritis. Interstitial edema caused by accumulation of hyaluronan may cause dysfunction in various organs." (from NIH)

Says absolutely nothing about using it in cosmetics. I look forward to her dysfunction in various organs.

Tundra Grifter April 18, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Jukes:

I love it when you talk science!

Blueb4sunrise April 18, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Hey grrl, ready to trash share insights on Jesse Kelly?

[I haven't seen local TV news for a while....this from KVOA made me cringe, and also don't understand the context of the headline]
http://www.kvoa.com/news/kelly-says-barber-not-te

Jukesgrrl April 19, 2012 at 1:40 am

I already have three posts about him on HuffPo.I'm nothing if not huffy on this subject.To those here who don't know this prince:He wants to start his political career as a U.S. Congressman.With NO previous government experience at all (not even GOP volunteer work).NO professional job experience other than working for Daddy.NO college education and the usual tea bag disdain for education in general (just what we need in AZ).Lived in Texas until very recently.He belongs to the Alive Church, “Discovering Truth In A Relaxed Cafe' Environment … Christ Centered, Cross Focused,” if that don't beat all, as they say.But my favorite part:Daddy's construction company is loaded up with government contracts, while Junior says he's against government stimulus. NO EARMARKS …”All except the ones earmarked for my family.”Jackass couldn't find his way from Capitol Hill to Georgetown.

bagofmice April 19, 2012 at 3:04 am

North to K street and take a right. Amusing, no? Hell, it gets you close to the watergate.

Jukesgrrl April 20, 2012 at 12:14 am

LOL. Not the shortest way, but the most popular way.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 18, 2012 at 10:38 pm

"Hyaluronan (hyaluronic acid) is a high-molecular-mass polysaccharide found in the extracellular matrix"

So it's outside cells. And it's a starch.

So starch your face, dictator-daughter. Lovely.

Jukesgrrl April 19, 2012 at 1:24 am

Maybe that's why it helps wrinkles, fills them in with starch.I don't have wrinkles, I have beauty lines.

ThundercatHo April 18, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Veterinarians use this substance to lubricate "dry" joints in horses. Specifically, it is injected into the hocks (rear ankles). A lady vet once gave me a tiny bit of hyaluronic acid left in the vial and said I could rub it around my eyes to help with laugh lines.

Chet Kincaid April 19, 2012 at 2:00 am

So Bag Balm is just a gateway drug?
http://www.bagbalm.com/our-history.htm

BTWBFDIMHO April 18, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Is this part of the Kar on Komen?

Tundra Grifter April 18, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I'm thinkin' maybe there's Komen Karma.

Radiotherapy April 19, 2012 at 12:24 am

The Endless Klown Kars.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I get a Death by Snoo-Snoo vibe from her.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Best Futurama ep ever, closely followed by the Valentine's Day one.

Designer_Rants April 18, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Don't tell Herm about this! He might just suddenly find the incentive to learn how to say "Uzbekistan", and that's No Fun.

Schmannnity April 18, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Isn't that an old Rosemary Clooney song?

Karimova my housa c'mon, Karimova my housa c'mon, Karimova my housa c'mon, ima gonna give you candy.

Dashboard Buddha April 18, 2012 at 10:00 pm

OT but fuck all.

Phil Bergman is dead.

See you in the shadows, Phil.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:31 pm

OK, Dick Clark, Phil Bergman…

Who's #3?

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Phil Bergman is old news, from early March (DB obviously missed the mention on teh Wonkette at the time). Three of a kind have to be a lot closer in time than that. Still looking for numero dos.

James Michael Curley April 19, 2012 at 9:27 am

You know Ben Stein hasn't shown any emotion or moved in weeks, but its kind of hard to tell.

Man0nTheStreet April 19, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I've met Ben Stein a couple of times… He's a Douche.

Ducksworthy April 18, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Fortunately, because of Citizens United, the Karinova family are now major contributors to Karl Rove's American Crossroads, so Komen is OK with her (despited the rumors of her father partially boiling his political opponents.

iburl April 18, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Sleaze, meet Uzz, Uzz, meet Sleaze.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I saw the words "Dictator's Daughter" in the headline, and thought it was one of those slutty drunk Bush twins. I am disappoint.

DahBoner April 18, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Here's my 9-9-9 plan: 9 inches, 9 minutes @ 9pm…

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 11:27 pm

I said, "unix program", NOT "eunuchs program"!

bagofmice April 19, 2012 at 3:07 am

Chmod +x -testicles

flamingpdog April 19, 2012 at 12:31 am

OT, but notorious alternate-reality hatemonger takes on immoral Secret Service heterosexual whoremongers and blames it on teh gheys.

SudsMcKenzie April 19, 2012 at 8:41 am

So, ahh, dont ask dont tell led to secret service agents ordering pussy in Columbia? I don't think so Tony, but lets order up a hurricane just in case.

Man0nTheStreet April 19, 2012 at 1:28 pm

..no doubt as part of the Kenyan Alinsky/N0bama plot to ram down our throats Marxist Muslim Elitist Gay-marriage in America!!1!!

DerrickWildcat April 19, 2012 at 1:49 am

Uzbekistan totally sucks ass. Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan are the places to be.

Jukesgrrl April 19, 2012 at 1:54 am

Fo shizzlestan.

flamingpdog April 19, 2012 at 2:20 am

If life gives you lemons, move to Lemonadestan.

George Spelvin April 19, 2012 at 4:51 am

And if you're an American band, go on American Bandstan.

RIP, Dorian Clark. You outlived my mother-in-law by one day. RIP her, too.

FWIW, I liked my MIL a lot; and I developed some late-breaking respect for Dick as I occasionally watched him soldier on through the stroke. Who'd have thought that being a total attention whore would eventually become a kind of engaging personality attribute?

Arkoday April 19, 2012 at 7:08 am

Borat would hit that.

Negropolis April 19, 2012 at 8:33 am

One gets the feeling that Borat would hit just about anything with legs; two, four or more.

Tundra Grifter April 19, 2012 at 11:24 am

Al Franken, being interviewed about his book:

I've done a number of USO tours, and the year before last I went to Uzbekistan, which has an air force base right above Afghanistan. So I run into these PSY-OPs guys and I ask them, "Tell me about the Uzbeki regime here," and they go, "Oh, it's great." And I said, "Aren't they the most repressive regime in the former Soviet Republic?" And they said, "Oh, yeah, yeah, they're horrible. They boil people." And on the show, I said they boil dissidents in oil. It turned out they just boil 'em in water.

Ducksworthy April 19, 2012 at 11:56 am

Odd too, because they have lots of oil. But these "dissidents" are only enemies of the family who object to their corruption so its not like they're boiling "political" dissidents. The GOP'ers are Komen are OK with boiling family enemies. Political dissidents should be burned.

barto April 19, 2012 at 11:57 am

Keep digging that hole, Komen! You haven't hit bottom yet!

meatpuppet2 April 19, 2012 at 2:43 pm

They only attract the cream of the crop these days.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Agreed.

Limeylizzie April 18, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Still wanna get naked in the hay loft, though?

bagofmice April 18, 2012 at 6:34 pm

I dunno, grass in the urethra is uhh… Let's just call it hyper-allergenic.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 6:37 pm

After a suitable distance from this unpleasantry – of course!

Toomush_Infer April 18, 2012 at 7:01 pm

(budges Chet in line): Goes without sayin'….

Limeylizzie April 18, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Sorry, the hay loft is just for me and Chetkincaid, it's where we do our best work….

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 7:04 pm

HEY! The Hayloft is Ours! Do the hard work of coming up with your own fantasy scenario that appeals to Ms. Lizzie!!

lisawines April 18, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Ha! I was in a play once with the daughter of the owner of Shakespeare & Co (he died recently so she's now the owner). One of the things I like about France is how it was a haven for black Americans when they were being abused in the US. But I'm sorry they didn't recognize your talents in '91. :-) Unfortunately, I have to go to beddy bye now. It's after 1am. I hope I don't miss any fun!!! See you on the flip side.

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Don't forget your George Lincoln Rockwell costume.

sullivanst April 18, 2012 at 8:15 pm

It's only a matter of time before they're available from vending machines.

Butch_Wagstaff April 18, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Gah!

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 8:18 pm

I have a lovely American expat FB friend in Paris named Viviane. You must know her. I mean, there are only like, what, eleventy-hundred and ninety-seven people like that in Paris.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Wrong Limeylizzie Fantasy. Ours involves flight suits, Count Basie records, ball turrets, and hog-tieing SS officers.

BarackMyWorld April 18, 2012 at 9:59 pm

At least not since "One Day at a Time" ended.

extreme_left April 19, 2012 at 1:14 am

… finished up with some Fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti?

flamingpdog April 19, 2012 at 2:05 am

Sounds like you could use Wonder Woman in a three-way there.

James Michael Curley April 19, 2012 at 9:58 am

"From my mother's sleep I fell into the State,
And I hunched in its belly till my wet fur froze.
Six miles from earth, loosed from its dream of life,
I woke to black flak and the nightmare fighters.
When I died they washed me out of the turret with a hose."
The Death of the Ball Turret Gunner
©Randall Jarell – Now in the public domain

Chet Kincaid April 19, 2012 at 1:29 am

No.

Lascauxcaveman April 19, 2012 at 1:56 am

I got trimmed sometime before I was a month old and even tho' I'm not Jewish, neither me nor any of my lady friends have had any complaints about any deficiencies thereabouts.

What I cannot abide is the fact that I have two beautiful, young, virginal daughters, both under the age of 18, who have horrifically mutilated themselves in a very ostentatious and public manner.

(Pierced ears. Ugh.)

lisawines April 19, 2012 at 2:15 am

She's probably the very same Viviane who teaches with me at university. :-) Hey, you'd be amazed.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 19, 2012 at 9:24 am

All o–(*ghaa-a-a-a-r-k*… *-SNAP-*)

…R.I.P. Chickensmack…

Chet Kincaid April 19, 2012 at 11:16 am

A great one.

James Michael Curley April 20, 2012 at 10:24 pm

First heard it as a kid. Scared the hell out of me. Didn’t help to read Catch-22 at 13. When the draft had me headed off as a door gunner, I jumped at the chance to be a pilot. Seemed safer.

James Michael Curley April 20, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Thanks, I’ll take him off my todo list.

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