funtime gals

‘One Million Moms,’ Fresh Off Victory Over Ellen Degeneres, Has New Lesbos In Sights

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May cause vaginal drynessTwo chicks are totally macking hard in Urban Outfitters’ new catalog, and the funtime gals over at “One Million Moms” are having a total ladyboner! You may remember One Million Moms for their yeoman’s service in getting laughed at by Ellen Degeneres for all the world to see, but they are not just taking their well-earned victory and shutting up shop. No, where there are lesbians, there will be One Million Moms, shouting the benefits of vaginal dryness!

Here is your Glenn Beck Explainer of One Million Moms:

One Million Moms has a long history of pushing these sorts of boycotts, some of which have been successful, especially as pertaining to the controversial television show “GCB.” Their mission is frankly religious – in fact, their Facebook page all but explicitly advertises them as a Christian group. For instance, one status reads “The separation of church and state is called the rapture.”

In event of rapture, this car will be un-mommed!

And here is your Glenn Beck explainer of previous Urban Outfitters “controversies”:

If you’re a parent out on a clothing binge, you might want to beware – even clothing stores may have an agenda. Specifically, a brand known as “Obey Clothing,” which stocks Urban Outfitters, among other department stores, has been marketing increasingly aggressive looking products to teens, which include items like the following set of stickers:

To the ramparts, Moms! Mom the cannons! And the machine guns maybe! (It is hard to lift them with Hillary Clinton sitting her fat ass all over them though.) Also we heard that Obey dude is a total fairy. [TheBlaze]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    This is bad news for Marcus B and Lindsey G.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Why, were they going to be featured kissing in the next UO catalog?

  • nounverb911

    Are these stay at home and eat bonbon moms or work two jobs to make ends meet moms?

    • Callyson

      They're auditioning to work for Pizza Man. They want a job right?

    • freakishlywrong

      They're the gossipy, pushy, busybody moms that everyone hated in the neighborhood.

    • teebob2000

      I think they're stay-at-home-and-eat-moms moms.

    • Tommy1733

      They are stay-in-bed-and-kiss moms.

    • KotBR

      They're the honest, hardworking ones. So, the first group.

  • Come here a minute

    Wingnut moms furious to be reminded of what their spouses fap to on the intertubes.

  • jaytingle

    Hot lesbian sex will always prevail.

    • ProgressiveInga

      That's what my ex-husband said when I left him for a lesbo.

      • nonbeliever7

        It's good you left that wuss. A real man would have converted you.

        • mormos

          he did, to lesbianism

          • ProgressiveInga

            Ha. I'm totally the "B" in LGBTQ, but that requires too much explanation for most folks, so I'm good w/ being an "L". You can call me L, you can call me B, just don't make me f*ck an ugly man……

          • tejanojim

            I'm not doubting you, but how hard is it to comprehend, "I'm ok with either the peen or the vag, depending on circumstances."

          • ProgressiveInga

            I know, right? But somehow it seems to confuse the gay and the hetero in equal measure.

  • Neoyorquino

    Art stickers are a gateway drug to henna tattoos and other questionable means of self-expression. Stay vigilant, One Million Mom-jeans.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    "Man living in US America is such a drag. Cause those One Million Moms just threw away your best porno mag."

    • Neoyorquino

      (Busted!)

  • Barb

    Wow, first Strap On Tools and now Urban Outfitters? I'm all for the Lesbians in the catalogs.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      How could you forget Ridgid Tools, with their slogan, We Build Reputations™?
      http://www.ridgid.com/

      • George Spelvin

        And visit ridgidparts.com for all your ridgid parts needs.

        A Messican pharmacy?

      • George Spelvin

        Hello, site admins. After you review my nearby reply, could you tell me what set off the alarm. I mean, I know it wasn't particularly funny, but if the software is evaluating humor content now, it'd be nice to know.

        • Barb

          George, you'll need to post somewhere the site admins will see your question. They never read my comments, nor does anyone else.

          • Me_K_Cong

            Not true.

          • Barb

            Busted by Me_K_Cong!

  • CivilMcMannerly

    Lesbians are great! I was into them way before it was cool. Well, not into them but, you know…

  • SexySmurf

    I find that picture incredibly easy to repudiate to.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I could fudiate to that — and I could probably refudiate to it a short time later.

  • Callyson

    And the CEO apparently is a supporter of the Frothy Mix. Now, everyone can hate on Urban Outfitters…

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    UO owner (big Santorum $ contributor) pissed Rick bailed on the race. Sorry "Moms" – Get ready for Summer Catalog Man-Dog offerings.

  • Eve8Apples

    One Million Moms is angry at the kissing girls. They are perfectly happy with Ted Nugent's album cover featuring the naked tied-up broad on a platter with a grenade stuffed in her pie hole featured in the previous post because she is obviously a good Christian girl.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Hey, it's sexy, not sexist

    • UnholyMoses

      Well, the grenade is in her mouth, and not in her dirty woman bits, so … I think that's acceptable Christian practice.

      Or at least it is per my experience with the girls at O'Hara high school back in the late 1980s …

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The girls in your high school carried grenades in their mouths? Scary place! (If they were served naked on platters, that's different … but equally interesting.)

        • UnholyMoses

          Well, no. There were no grenades in their mouths.

          But what was in their mouths was sure to go off. Sometimes a tad … prematurely.

          • chicken_thief

            Hey, wait a second! Back then I had a condition known as ….. what? O'Hara HS? Never mind….

    • OneYieldRegular

      A well-arrayed serving platter being necessary to the insanity of Ted Nugent, the right of (bound and naked) victims forced to bear arms (with their teeth) shall not be infringed?

      • Boojum

        Is Ted STILL wearing fringe?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Yeah, according to Foster Friess she should have the grenade between her knees.

  • gullywompr

    Mom's just pissed that Urban Outfitters doesn't have jeans in her size.

    • chicken_thief

      Or models who'd lower their standards enough to kiss a OMM.

  • flamingpdog

    with Hillary Clinton sitting her fat ass all over them though

    Now that's a Hillary Clinton I could fap to.

    • b[redact]opple

      Speaking of Hillary Clintons to which to fap: http://t.co/acrju7Jn

      (NOT COMPLETELY SAFE FOR WORK, MAYBE.)

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Warning: brain bleach required.

  • SorosBot

    One million moms means at least 5,000 lesbian daughters, and that's just assuming one kid per mom.

    • chicken_thief

      Would that also be 2B lbs of idiotic unfuckable flesh? Math is hard….

  • freakishlywrong

    I have outrage fatigue syndrome.

    • Boojum

      I am outraged at your fatigue.

      • Biff

        Your outrage fatigues me.

        • Boojum

          Feces Angry Tired Cup.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      Amen, Brother!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I guarantee you at least 150,000 of those moms are making out with each other in the back of their mini vans.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      There aren't even that many of them (unsurprisingly, they suck at math.)

    • Boojum

      That's about, what, three hundred fap/days?

  • Goonemeritus

    The last time I drove by a Bible belt trailer park it didn’t look like the people living there shopped at Urban Outfitters anyway,

    • PubOption

      I can remember when 'urban' meant 'blah', the trailer trash might remember the same thing.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That picture isn't causing me any manly-part dryness, that's fer sure!

  • ThundercatHo

    Join One Million Moms = something to do when you're voted out of PTA office for being such a pain in the ass

    • GOPCrusher

      Yeah. You just know that these are the women that people cross the street when they see them walking down the sidewalk.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    That picture makes me feel really funny down in my bathing suit area.

  • UnholyMoses

    This thread is going to be incredibly easy to masturbate to … more than once.

  • LesBontemps

    I guess the Moms don't know that Urban Outfters' founder and chairman is an exploiting corporate villain and Rick Santorum supporter? http://brokelyn.com/urban-outfitters-loves-spread

    Hell, they should be throwing him a parade.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    "The separation of church and state is called the rapture."

    The Bible, the authors of the "Left Behind" book series and Blondie all take issue with that statement.

  • Steverino247

    There are no benefits from vaginal dryness.

    • GOPCrusher

      The invention of Astroglide?

      • Steverino247

        We should host a Vaginal Dryness Telethon! What color ribbons should be have to raise consciousness of this terrible problem? Can we get the NFL to refer to Astroglide as the Official Lubricant of the National Football League? NFL blooper films could be sponsored by Astroglide.

        I'll stop now.

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    One million fanny packs, one million poly-stretch pants, one million non-MILFs with too much time on their hands and too little humanity.

  • EtchySketchy

    Nice pic.

    Story? What story?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Gah, are lesbians a bunch of 15 year-old anorexic white girls now? Because that's not easy for me to masturbate to.

    • Guppy

      LUG

    • Boojum

      John Derbyshire disagrees.

      • anniegetyerfun

        You know he likes them Asian, though.

        • Boojum

          He is very impressed by the artistic integrity of Won Hung Lo.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Well that's because you're not trying hard enough, or a guy anyways.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Mayhaps, but I'll bet I've slept with more women than most of the guys here*.

        *Not combined, mind you.

        • Wile E. Quixote

          Ha! Pix, or it didn't happen (he said hopefully).

    • tcaalaw

      I believe it was Samuel Johnson who said, "When a man is tired of fapping to 15 year-old anorexic white girls engaged in faux lesbianism, he is tired of life."

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Comment at The Blaze [apparently serious]

    Dear God, please come soon.

    • Boojum

      Was it directed to the women in this picture? Because I could second that.

    • chicken_thief

      Personally, I prefer they'd take their time. And film it…

    • tejanojim

      "Dear God, please come soon. I've had you in my mouth for nearly an hour…"

  • CheneysOldHeart

    Even I think these bitches need to shut the fuck up.

  • WiscDad

    I've GOT to get that catalog!!!

  • flamingpdog

    Jeeze, Sapphoites, their eyes are closed, their lips aren't even touching, and they both look like they'd rather be shoveling shit in Louisiana that "holding" each other. Lesbionic Pron Phail!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      It's like when Michael Jackson kissed Iman in "Remember The Time"!

    • MissTaken

      Total homophonies.

    • Boojum

      Lesbionics are like the 6 million dollar woman.

  • Local_Mojo

    Back in the day, "children OBEY your parents" was kind of a big deal.

    But the commandment goes on: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children" and "Slaves, OBEY your earthly masters with respect and fear."

    Not familiar with the "OBEY your clothing" rule.

    • Boojum

      I must have the Reader's Digest Condensed Commandments.

  • GOPCrusher

    As a life long heterosexual male, I find that photo hawt.
    Does that mean I'm a closet lesbian?

    • nonbeliever7

      Many of us are lesbians trapped in a man's body.

      • Boojum

        I'd rather be a man in a lesbian's body.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Yes, megamoms, those "Peace" stickers sure do look "aggressive".

    Years of inhaling their hairspray has clearly taken a toll on these dingbats.

  • Biff

    I really don't know who sold Urban Outfitters my address. I live about as far from an urban center as one can get in this country, and am frankly too old and unshapely for any of their products. Also, would it hurt their models to maybe eat a fuckin' sandwich? They make Twiggy look fat, for fuck's sake!

  • e_z

    pssssssssssst, hey Mom's, over here I got a secret for you: Glee, just a hot bed of teenagers singing and swinging, pranceing and danceing and haveing Homo-sex-ual affairs.

    Sic 'em!

  • An_Outhouse

    Since OMM boycotts are usually spectacular failiures, it makes good marketing sense to get them riled up about you. Retailers are purposely offending them at this point. Up next, lesbian babies selling organic baby food.

    • Boojum

      These "organic babies" interest me. Are they as tasty as the regular kind?

  • CommieLibunatic

    They're afraid of Obey stickers now? I always thought- and confirmed by looking up their site, which is something OMM should do to keep from flipping their shit- that they were just sort of lambasting old propaganda posters. I'll bet these ninnies would have a literal heart attack if you popped out of a trash can and shouted BOO!!! loud enough.

  • Guppy

    Girls kissing girls: bad

    Unabashed use of sex to sell to minors: otherwise OK.

    Am I missing anything?

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    its hrd to writ comments with only one hand.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    The One Dozen Moms are just hilarious. Like Urban Outfitters cares what they think.

    The best was when they were all 'WE HAVE A MILLION MOMS WHO WILL BOYCOTT YOU' at J.C. Penney, and J.C. Penney was all, "A) No. B) Ellen has 3 million viewers who love her, so we'd come out ahead even if you weren't lying liars who lie."

  • SkinnyNerd

    What kind of sick perverted mind has a problem with lesbians? Hey Sappho, how does that human progress look from where you stand?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    You don't get it. They don't like boys!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Louis Farrakhan is suing you Good Christian Bitches for trademark infringement!!
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Million_Man_March

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    When hot lesbian sex is outlawed, only outlaws will have hot lesbian sex!

    • Wile E. Quixote

      You'll get my hot lesbian sex when you pry it from my cold, dead, sticky fingers.

  • Schmegeg

    Videos, Just tell me they have videos, and sign me up.

  • ttommyunger

    Is everybody in 'Merika obsessed with the ladyparts? I know I am.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Kinda guerilla action initiated on their Facebook page: "The site One Million Moms needs to be shut down, it has become a place for rude bullys (sic) to attack people."

    • chicken_thief

      It's only ok if OMM is playing the part of the "rude bully".

  • Tundra Grifter

    This will be the most successful boycott since Bull O'Really? got everybody to just give up on France. See "The Paris Business Review" for proof that it worked!

    • GOPCrusher

      FREEDOM FRIES LIBEL!!!1!111!

  • chascates

    It's so confusing to the Jesusites, they hear 'Urban' Outfitters and they expected to see blacks in the photos.

  • I_P

    I have the weirdest boner right now…

  • CapnFatback

    “The separation of church and state is called the rapture.”

    I agree, if by "church," we mean me and by "state," we mean my pants.

    And it's that picture that's doing the separating.

  • BornInATrailer

    I am finding this too easy to fap to, bordering on the inconvenient.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      This will help calm you down.

  • larrykat

    Those ARE aggressive looking stickers…. they look all Russiany or something like communism or socialisticness.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Weren't Million Moms and the rest of these Christoid fucks supposed to get raptured last May? If Jesus keeps dropping the ball on his critical path deliverables like this we're going to have no choice but to ask HR to put him on a PIP.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Jesus did take his true followers, they were the fourteen nicest people on the face of the Earth.

  • Antispandex

    Send those angry moms over here….we can lick 'em!

  • Wile E. Quixote

    OK editrix, this is pretty faptacular, but you've still got a lot of work to do to make up for posting this.

  • docterry6973

    Those two young ladies need to unlock those lips and wrap them around a couple of sandwiches. They need calories more than they need smoochie time.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    An ad campaign aimed at teens that has some parents upset? WIN!

  • DeLand_DeLakes

    Oh, babies. Those shoes? With those dresses? I'm obvs all for coming out of the closet, but at least turn the light on before you dress in it.

  • DahBoner

    5 *****–Very Fappable!

    And you would think Repukes would LOVE Matthew Shepard's OBEY since that's their credo, when they spew out their Dogma…

  • BadSquishy

    Personally, I am annoyed at the unenthusiastic quality of this lesbo-makeout sesh. The girl on the right is clearly not into it. Blech. Urban Outfitters, I don't want to see ladies in their "experimental" phase of freshman year in college, kissing and giggling in the corner of the party. I want to see full on, boob-squashing, sloppy tongues, eat-your-face, ripping-off-that-designer-clothing, oblivious to the camera makeouts where maybe there's a bit of a wardrobe malfunction, and the angle is turned just enough to tease….. wait what?

    Sorry, got a little distracted there.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I think the general idea is that until Jeebus comes, they think the Gov't should be all Christiany, science should be suppressed, and their own brand of blinding stupidity should be mandatory. (Basically, they'd be happy with Pat Robertson as Planetary Emperor.)

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Sound like many of my favorite movies!

  • chicken_thief

    Time for a career change to prison guard perhaps?!

  • George Spelvin

    Nope. Nor did it contain any permutation of the letters "drat". I haz a genuine confuze.