FUNTIME GALS  12:52 pm April 18, 2012

‘One Million Moms,’ Fresh Off Victory Over Ellen Degeneres, Has New Lesbos In Sights

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

May cause vaginal drynessTwo chicks are totally macking hard in Urban Outfitters’ new catalog, and the funtime gals over at “One Million Moms” are having a total ladyboner! You may remember One Million Moms for their yeoman’s service in getting laughed at by Ellen Degeneres for all the world to see, but they are not just taking their well-earned victory and shutting up shop. No, where there are lesbians, there will be One Million Moms, shouting the benefits of vaginal dryness!

Here is your Glenn Beck Explainer of One Million Moms:

One Million Moms has a long history of pushing these sorts of boycotts, some of which have been successful, especially as pertaining to the controversial television show “GCB.” Their mission is frankly religious – in fact, their Facebook page all but explicitly advertises them as a Christian group. For instance, one status reads “The separation of church and state is called the rapture.”

In event of rapture, this car will be un-mommed!

And here is your Glenn Beck explainer of previous Urban Outfitters “controversies”:

If you’re a parent out on a clothing binge, you might want to beware – even clothing stores may have an agenda. Specifically, a brand known as “Obey Clothing,” which stocks Urban Outfitters, among other department stores, has been marketing increasingly aggressive looking products to teens, which include items like the following set of stickers:

To the ramparts, Moms! Mom the cannons! And the machine guns maybe! (It is hard to lift them with Hillary Clinton sitting her fat ass all over them though.) Also we heard that Obey dude is a total fairy. [TheBlaze]

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 133 comments }

nounverb911 April 18, 2012 at 12:54 pm

This is bad news for Marcus B and Lindsey G.

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Why, were they going to be featured kissing in the next UO catalog?

nounverb911 April 18, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Are these stay at home and eat bonbon moms or work two jobs to make ends meet moms?

Callyson April 18, 2012 at 1:01 pm

They're auditioning to work for Pizza Man. They want a job right?

freakishlywrong April 18, 2012 at 1:01 pm

They're the gossipy, pushy, busybody moms that everyone hated in the neighborhood.

teebob2000 April 18, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I think they're stay-at-home-and-eat-moms moms.

Tommy1733 April 18, 2012 at 2:31 pm

They are stay-in-bed-and-kiss moms.

KotBR April 18, 2012 at 4:47 pm

They're the honest, hardworking ones. So, the first group.

Come here a minute April 18, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Wingnut moms furious to be reminded of what their spouses fap to on the intertubes.

jaytingle April 18, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Hot lesbian sex will always prevail.

ProgressiveInga April 18, 2012 at 1:14 pm

That's what my ex-husband said when I left him for a lesbo.

nonbeliever7 April 18, 2012 at 1:30 pm

It's good you left that wuss. A real man would have converted you.

mormos April 18, 2012 at 1:43 pm

he did, to lesbianism

ProgressiveInga April 18, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Ha. I'm totally the "B" in LGBTQ, but that requires too much explanation for most folks, so I'm good w/ being an "L". You can call me L, you can call me B, just don't make me f*ck an ugly man……

Neoyorquino April 18, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Art stickers are a gateway drug to henna tattoos and other questionable means of self-expression. Stay vigilant, One Million Mom-jeans.

ManchuCandidate April 18, 2012 at 12:56 pm

"Man living in US America is such a drag. Cause those One Million Moms just threw away your best porno mag."

Neoyorquino April 18, 2012 at 12:58 pm

(Busted!)

Barb April 18, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Wow, first Strap On Tools and now Urban Outfitters? I'm all for the Lesbians in the catalogs.

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 1:39 pm

How could you forget Ridgid Tools, with their slogan, We Build Reputations™?
http://www.ridgid.com/

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 2:14 pm

And visit ridgidparts.com for all your ridgid parts needs.

A Messican pharmacy?

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Hello, site admins. After you review my nearby reply, could you tell me what set off the alarm. I mean, I know it wasn't particularly funny, but if the software is evaluating humor content now, it'd be nice to know.

Barb April 18, 2012 at 8:42 pm

George, you'll need to post somewhere the site admins will see your question. They never read my comments, nor does anyone else.

Me_K_Cong April 19, 2012 at 8:16 am

Not true.

CivilMcMannerly April 18, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Lesbians are great! I was into them way before it was cool. Well, not into them but, you know…

SexySmurf April 18, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I find that picture incredibly easy to repudiate to.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I could fudiate to that — and I could probably refudiate to it a short time later.

Callyson April 18, 2012 at 12:59 pm

And the CEO apparently is a supporter of the Frothy Mix. Now, everyone can hate on Urban Outfitters…

Gratuitous World April 18, 2012 at 12:59 pm

UO owner (big Santorum $ contributor) pissed Rick bailed on the race. Sorry "Moms" – Get ready for Summer Catalog Man-Dog offerings.

Eve8Apples April 18, 2012 at 12:59 pm

One Million Moms is angry at the kissing girls. They are perfectly happy with Ted Nugent's album cover featuring the naked tied-up broad on a platter with a grenade stuffed in her pie hole featured in the previous post because she is obviously a good Christian girl.

ManchuCandidate April 18, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Hey, it's sexy, not sexist

UnholyMoses April 18, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Well, the grenade is in her mouth, and not in her dirty woman bits, so … I think that's acceptable Christian practice.

Or at least it is per my experience with the girls at O'Hara high school back in the late 1980s …

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 1:38 pm

The girls in your high school carried grenades in their mouths? Scary place! (If they were served naked on platters, that's different … but equally interesting.)

UnholyMoses April 18, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Well, no. There were no grenades in their mouths.

But what was in their mouths was sure to go off. Sometimes a tad … prematurely.

chicken_thief April 18, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Hey, wait a second! Back then I had a condition known as ….. what? O'Hara HS? Never mind….

OneYieldRegular April 18, 2012 at 1:16 pm

A well-arrayed serving platter being necessary to the insanity of Ted Nugent, the right of (bound and naked) victims forced to bear arms (with their teeth) shall not be infringed?

Boojum April 18, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Is Ted STILL wearing fringe?

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Yeah, according to Foster Friess she should have the grenade between her knees.

gullywompr April 18, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Mom's just pissed that Urban Outfitters doesn't have jeans in her size.

chicken_thief April 18, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Or models who'd lower their standards enough to kiss a OMM.

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 1:01 pm

with Hillary Clinton sitting her fat ass all over them though

Now that's a Hillary Clinton I could fap to.

b[redact]opple April 18, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Speaking of Hillary Clintons to which to fap: http://t.co/acrju7Jn

(NOT COMPLETELY SAFE FOR WORK, MAYBE.)

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Warning: brain bleach required.

SorosBot April 18, 2012 at 1:01 pm

One million moms means at least 5,000 lesbian daughters, and that's just assuming one kid per mom.

chicken_thief April 18, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Would that also be 2B lbs of idiotic unfuckable flesh? Math is hard….

freakishlywrong April 18, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I have outrage fatigue syndrome.

Boojum April 18, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I am outraged at your fatigue.

Biff April 18, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Your outrage fatigues me.

Boojum April 18, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Feces Angry Tired Cup.

outragedcitizen April 19, 2012 at 8:00 am

Amen, Brother!

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 18, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I guarantee you at least 150,000 of those moms are making out with each other in the back of their mini vans.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 1:33 pm

There aren't even that many of them (unsurprisingly, they suck at math.)

Boojum April 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm

That's about, what, three hundred fap/days?

Goonemeritus April 18, 2012 at 1:02 pm

The last time I drove by a Bible belt trailer park it didn’t look like the people living there shopped at Urban Outfitters anyway,

PubOption April 18, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I can remember when 'urban' meant 'blah', the trailer trash might remember the same thing.

Oblios_Cap April 18, 2012 at 1:02 pm

That picture isn't causing me any manly-part dryness, that's fer sure!

ThundercatHo April 18, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Join One Million Moms = something to do when you're voted out of PTA office for being such a pain in the ass

GOPCrusher April 18, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Yeah. You just know that these are the women that people cross the street when they see them walking down the sidewalk.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 18, 2012 at 1:03 pm

That picture makes me feel really funny down in my bathing suit area.

UnholyMoses April 18, 2012 at 1:04 pm

This thread is going to be incredibly easy to masturbate to … more than once.

LesBontemps April 18, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I guess the Moms don't know that Urban Outfters' founder and chairman is an exploiting corporate villain and Rick Santorum supporter? http://brokelyn.com/urban-outfitters-loves-spread

Hell, they should be throwing him a parade.

CogitoErgoBibo April 18, 2012 at 1:05 pm

"The separation of church and state is called the rapture."

The Bible, the authors of the "Left Behind" book series and Blondie all take issue with that statement.

Steverino247 April 18, 2012 at 1:06 pm

There are no benefits from vaginal dryness.

GOPCrusher April 18, 2012 at 1:22 pm

The invention of Astroglide?

Steverino247 April 18, 2012 at 3:44 pm

We should host a Vaginal Dryness Telethon! What color ribbons should be have to raise consciousness of this terrible problem? Can we get the NFL to refer to Astroglide as the Official Lubricant of the National Football League? NFL blooper films could be sponsored by Astroglide.

I'll stop now.

GuyClinch April 18, 2012 at 1:07 pm

One million fanny packs, one million poly-stretch pants, one million non-MILFs with too much time on their hands and too little humanity.

EtchySketchy April 18, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Nice pic.

Story? What story?

anniegetyerfun April 18, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Gah, are lesbians a bunch of 15 year-old anorexic white girls now? Because that's not easy for me to masturbate to.

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 1:38 pm

LUG

Boojum April 18, 2012 at 1:49 pm

John Derbyshire disagrees.

anniegetyerfun April 18, 2012 at 2:00 pm

You know he likes them Asian, though.

Boojum April 18, 2012 at 2:09 pm

He is very impressed by the artistic integrity of Won Hung Lo.

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Well that's because you're not trying hard enough, or a guy anyways.

anniegetyerfun April 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Mayhaps, but I'll bet I've slept with more women than most of the guys here*.

*Not combined, mind you.

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Ha! Pix, or it didn't happen (he said hopefully).

tcaalaw April 20, 2012 at 6:54 am

I believe it was Samuel Johnson who said, "When a man is tired of fapping to 15 year-old anorexic white girls engaged in faux lesbianism, he is tired of life."

Blueb4sunrise April 18, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Comment at The Blaze [apparently serious]

Dear God, please come soon.

Boojum April 18, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Was it directed to the women in this picture? Because I could second that.

chicken_thief April 18, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Personally, I prefer they'd take their time. And film it…

tejanojim April 19, 2012 at 1:00 am

"Dear God, please come soon. I've had you in my mouth for nearly an hour…"

CheneysOldHeart April 18, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Even I think these bitches need to shut the fuck up.

WiscDad April 18, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I've GOT to get that catalog!!!

flamingpdog April 18, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Jeeze, Sapphoites, their eyes are closed, their lips aren't even touching, and they both look like they'd rather be shoveling shit in Louisiana that "holding" each other. Lesbionic Pron Phail!

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 1:52 pm

It's like when Michael Jackson kissed Iman in "Remember The Time"!

MissTaken April 18, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Total homophonies.

Boojum April 18, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Lesbionics are like the 6 million dollar woman.

Local_Mojo April 18, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Back in the day, "children OBEY your parents" was kind of a big deal.

But the commandment goes on: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children" and "Slaves, OBEY your earthly masters with respect and fear."

Not familiar with the "OBEY your clothing" rule.

Boojum April 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I must have the Reader's Digest Condensed Commandments.

GOPCrusher April 18, 2012 at 1:23 pm

As a life long heterosexual male, I find that photo hawt.
Does that mean I'm a closet lesbian?

nonbeliever7 April 18, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Many of us are lesbians trapped in a man's body.

Boojum April 18, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I'd rather be a man in a lesbian's body.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Yes, megamoms, those "Peace" stickers sure do look "aggressive".

Years of inhaling their hairspray has clearly taken a toll on these dingbats.

Biff April 18, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I really don't know who sold Urban Outfitters my address. I live about as far from an urban center as one can get in this country, and am frankly too old and unshapely for any of their products. Also, would it hurt their models to maybe eat a fuckin' sandwich? They make Twiggy look fat, for fuck's sake!

e_z April 18, 2012 at 1:29 pm

pssssssssssst, hey Mom's, over here I got a secret for you: Glee, just a hot bed of teenagers singing and swinging, pranceing and danceing and haveing Homo-sex-ual affairs.

Sic 'em!

An_Outhouse April 18, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Since OMM boycotts are usually spectacular failiures, it makes good marketing sense to get them riled up about you. Retailers are purposely offending them at this point. Up next, lesbian babies selling organic baby food.

Boojum April 19, 2012 at 7:51 am

These "organic babies" interest me. Are they as tasty as the regular kind?

CommieLibunatic April 18, 2012 at 1:32 pm

They're afraid of Obey stickers now? I always thought- and confirmed by looking up their site, which is something OMM should do to keep from flipping their shit- that they were just sort of lambasting old propaganda posters. I'll bet these ninnies would have a literal heart attack if you popped out of a trash can and shouted BOO!!! loud enough.

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Girls kissing girls: bad

Unabashed use of sex to sell to minors: otherwise OK.

Am I missing anything?

Native_of_SL_UT April 18, 2012 at 1:40 pm

its hrd to writ comments with only one hand.

IceCreamEmpress April 18, 2012 at 1:41 pm

The One Dozen Moms are just hilarious. Like Urban Outfitters cares what they think.

The best was when they were all 'WE HAVE A MILLION MOMS WHO WILL BOYCOTT YOU' at J.C. Penney, and J.C. Penney was all, "A) No. B) Ellen has 3 million viewers who love her, so we'd come out ahead even if you weren't lying liars who lie."

SkinnyNerd April 18, 2012 at 1:43 pm

What kind of sick perverted mind has a problem with lesbians? Hey Sappho, how does that human progress look from where you stand?

DerrickWildcat April 18, 2012 at 1:45 pm

You don't get it. They don't like boys!

Chet Kincaid April 18, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Louis Farrakhan is suing you Good Christian Bitches for trademark infringement!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Million_Man_March

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 18, 2012 at 2:07 pm

When hot lesbian sex is outlawed, only outlaws will have hot lesbian sex!

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 3:32 pm

You'll get my hot lesbian sex when you pry it from my cold, dead, sticky fingers.

Schmegeg April 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Videos, Just tell me they have videos, and sign me up.

ttommyunger April 18, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Is everybody in 'Merika obsessed with the ladyparts? I know I am.

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Well Rick Santorum is also obsessed with manparts (not that there's anything wrong with that), and dog parts, which is sick and fucked up (but was legal in Washington State until 2005).

BZ1 April 18, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Kinda guerilla action initiated on their Facebook page: "The site One Million Moms needs to be shut down, it has become a place for rude bullys (sic) to attack people."

chicken_thief April 18, 2012 at 3:11 pm

It's only ok if OMM is playing the part of the "rude bully".

Tundra Grifter April 18, 2012 at 2:28 pm

This will be the most successful boycott since Bull O'Really? got everybody to just give up on France. See "The Paris Business Review" for proof that it worked!

GOPCrusher April 18, 2012 at 3:35 pm

FREEDOM FRIES LIBEL!!!1!111!

chascates April 18, 2012 at 2:29 pm

It's so confusing to the Jesusites, they hear 'Urban' Outfitters and they expected to see blacks in the photos.

I_P April 18, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I have the weirdest boner right now…

CapnFatback April 18, 2012 at 2:46 pm

“The separation of church and state is called the rapture.”

I agree, if by "church," we mean me and by "state," we mean my pants.

And it's that picture that's doing the separating.

BornInATrailer April 18, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I am finding this too easy to fap to, bordering on the inconvenient.

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 3:50 pm

This will help calm you down.

larrykat April 18, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Those ARE aggressive looking stickers…. they look all Russiany or something like communism or socialisticness.

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Weren't Million Moms and the rest of these Christoid fucks supposed to get raptured last May? If Jesus keeps dropping the ball on his critical path deliverables like this we're going to have no choice but to ask HR to put him on a PIP.

GeorgiaBurning April 18, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Jesus did take his true followers, they were the fourteen nicest people on the face of the Earth.

Antispandex April 18, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Send those angry moms over here….we can lick 'em!

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 3:55 pm

OK editrix, this is pretty faptacular, but you've still got a lot of work to do to make up for posting this.

docterry6973 April 18, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Those two young ladies need to unlock those lips and wrap them around a couple of sandwiches. They need calories more than they need smoochie time.

GeorgiaBurning April 18, 2012 at 5:27 pm

An ad campaign aimed at teens that has some parents upset? WIN!

DeLand_DeLakes April 19, 2012 at 1:45 am

Oh, babies. Those shoes? With those dresses? I'm obvs all for coming out of the closet, but at least turn the light on before you dress in it.

DahBoner April 19, 2012 at 8:22 am

5 *****–Very Fappable!

And you would think Repukes would LOVE Matthew Shepard's OBEY since that's their credo, when they spew out their Dogma…

BadSquishy April 19, 2012 at 10:30 am

Personally, I am annoyed at the unenthusiastic quality of this lesbo-makeout sesh. The girl on the right is clearly not into it. Blech. Urban Outfitters, I don't want to see ladies in their "experimental" phase of freshman year in college, kissing and giggling in the corner of the party. I want to see full on, boob-squashing, sloppy tongues, eat-your-face, ripping-off-that-designer-clothing, oblivious to the camera makeouts where maybe there's a bit of a wardrobe malfunction, and the angle is turned just enough to tease….. wait what?

Sorry, got a little distracted there.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I think the general idea is that until Jeebus comes, they think the Gov't should be all Christiany, science should be suppressed, and their own brand of blinding stupidity should be mandatory. (Basically, they'd be happy with Pat Robertson as Planetary Emperor.)

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 18, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Sound like many of my favorite movies!

chicken_thief April 18, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Time for a career change to prison guard perhaps?!

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Nope. Nor did it contain any permutation of the letters "drat". I haz a genuine confuze.

tejanojim April 18, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I'm not doubting you, but how hard is it to comprehend, "I'm ok with either the peen or the vag, depending on circumstances."

ProgressiveInga April 18, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I know, right? But somehow it seems to confuse the gay and the hetero in equal measure.

Barb April 19, 2012 at 10:15 am

Busted by Me_K_Cong!

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