we'll all be dead by then is the thing

Hillary Clinton Is Your Future President, Again

Apocalypse/Clinton '16You Democrats keep falling for Hillary Clinton. It’s been less than two years since her and her husband’s completely obnoxious path to losing the Democratic presidential nomination, the best thing that ever happened to her. She gets to fly around the world doing whatever while no one really pays attention but assumes she’s doing well, she’s out of elected office and therefore not hated, and recently she’s been meme-ified in on some Internet photo thing that lasted like two days. You people, you love her. She has an 86% percent favorability among Democrats. You love her and will make her president, in the future.

How’s that Democratic stable of prospects for the 2016 election looking? The same as it did several years out before 2004, 2008, and not really 2012: Hillary Clinton is the favorite by a million points, over Joe Biden and some other hippies. From the kindly folks at Public Policy Polling, who are bored with current politics, like everyone:

The Democratic nomination at this point is Hillary Clinton’s for the taking if she wants it. She has an amazing 86/10 favorability rating with Democratic voters. In a dream field Clinton gets 57% to 14 for Joe Biden, 6% for Elizabeth Warren, 5% for Andrew Cuomo, 3% for Russ Feingold, 2% for Mark Warner, and 1% each for Martin O’Malley and Brian Schweitzer.

Clinton’s appeal to the various different constituencies of the Democratic Party is pretty universal. She’s at 58% with ‘very liberal’ voters, 56% with moderates, 60% with women, 52% with men, 59% with whites, 54% with African Americans, 51% with Hispanics, 64% with seniors, and 44% with young voters.

The Bright New Democratic Party of the Future: Hillary Rodham Clinton for President 2016. Meh, fine. Just spare us from Cuomo.

(Although, as a Marylander, your Wonkette author must say GO O’MALLEY, OUR HOMETOWN BANAL DEMOCRAT; BLUE CRABS TASTE GOOD!)


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. Barb

    She's logged 1 million frequent flyer miles as the Secretary of State just to get upgraded to the seat that she really wants.

  2. OC_Surf_Serf

    Me thinks if she won in 08 and was torn apart by the FOX Noise Machine, y'all be loving Barry at 86% too…

  3. OC_Surf_Serf

    Let's see, zero comments, zero views and Barb is already at 23 upfists.

    Normal Wednesday morning on the Wonkette's!!

      1. Barb

        Puck! I am so ready for some Flyer hockey tonight. I'm waiting for UPS to deliver my new hockey sweaters for tonight.

        1. PuckStopsHere

          Here in Detroit we are so ready for a night off from Red Wings hockey tonight. Outshot 'em 28-10 thru 2 last night (held them to three (3) shots in second and they really only had 2) and the game was still 0-0 and that's when I knew they were going to lose because I've seen this movie before. You dominate like that but you do not lead–you lose. And, sure enough…

          1. Barb

            I am knitting, Flownover. Both of my daughters are pregnant and due on the same day in June. I am knitting like a spider on meth over here.

        2. SorosBot

          Considering the thrashings they've been giving the Penguins so far, I'm hoping for another bloodbath.

      1. OC_Surf_Serf

        Just teasing! Damn us liberals get bent outta shape easily. Except when I try yoga. Now, that hurts.

        1. Barb

          Wanna see bent out of shape? I hauled 200 pounds of steer manure yesterday for the garden I am building in my yard. I would pick the bag up from the garage and walk it all the way back to the yard, drop it, and say, "that's bullshit!" I was so winded that I couldn't peel my tangerine after lunch.

          1. OC_Surf_Serf

            Haulin' 200 pounds of steer manure?

            Barb, I didn't know you drove a Republican Presidential candidate's bus…

    1. Serolf_Divad

      Oh, my child… there is't enough bourbon in the whole state of Tennessee to help wash down the answer to that question.

      1. James Michael Curley

        I'm hoping for O'Malley/Booker 2016. The combination should sound familiar enough to millions of the sons and daughters of the old sod that they should be willing to bet on it.

    2. freakishlywrong

      We are a "center-right nation", according to rieghtwing hacks and the so-called "media". Except, when polled on issues, we prefer liberal policy. So, no, no chance.

  4. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Kid Zoom pointed out to me that he'll be old enough to vote in the 2016 election. I'll ask him who he likes.

    Also, how did I suddenly get so damn OLD?

    1. ThundercatHo

      My youngest thunderkitten will be old enough to vote in this election. I'm not sure how this happened, perhaps something to do with a wormhole or drugs.

    2. DemmeFatale

      I sympathize with both of you.
      One of my girls is a Poil-Sci major, and the other majored in Theater and doesn't give a shit about politics.
      Her unforgettable quote: "Barack Obama is running for president?!"
      (She'll never live that down!)

  5. Goonemeritus

    Hilary will be the presumptive nominee right up to the point where we collectively say hey look at that shiny thing over there. All kidding aside I do respect her and I am happy to have her in her present role but I am sick to death of third way politics.

  6. Mumbletypeg

    Jim, does this O'Malley you speak of also answer to "Just Dial 'O' for…"?
    Meh — rotary phone gesturing and association with crooners damned posthumously for alleged child battering won't connect w/ the kids these days if he wants to make it to the big leagues.

  7. Dashboard Buddha

    2016? Who can think of 2016 at a time like this? What about the 2030 match up between the Bush girls vs. Cheney's emancipated heart? Or the 2050 show down between Frankie the Preconceived Fetus and the holographic head of Elvis?

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      God, I'm hopeless. My first reaction to your post was to think, wait, 2030 and 2050 will both be midterm election years.

        1. Doktor StrangeZoom

          2016, 2020, 2024, 2028, 2032… je suis un dork.

          But back on track: Frankie the Fetus will be opposed by radical birthers since there's an outside possibility that he could be born outside of US territory.

          1. Dashboard Buddha

            Given our country's steady march into idiotcy, I wouldn't be surprised if a president's legitimacy was challenged once it became known that she had been conceived while her parents we on vacation in Paris.

  8. Buzz Feedback

    All the 'very liberal' Democrats I know are out protesting the invasion of Cambodia.

    1. FlownOver

      BT,DT. Got shot at. Learned (quickly) to let it go. Now I don't even get out to protest the invasion of domestic uteri. I'm such a disappointment to the gang at the mandatory organic foods co-op.

  9. FakaktaSouth

    Well, Hils or Elizabeth Warren, them womens are all interchangeable. As long as it's a woman against the also already definite Rick Santorum, I'm in.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      My money's on Debbie Wasserman Schultz. I'd totally give her run a Communist fist bump.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        A Jewish Woman. Could it GET any better? (Only if she brushed that jacked up hair do and made it into the natural Fro it is)

        1. Texan_Bulldog

          I saw her on Andrea Mitchell's show about a week ago & her hair was wavy (as opposed to curly) & it was a different color. Not sure if I liked it or not…

      2. Texan_Bulldog

        She's bad ass & she fills in a lot of boxes:

        from Floridastan–check
        breast cancer survivor-check

        Plus she doesn't take any shit.

    2. Callyson

      Ahhhhhhhhh…to see the Frothy Mix lose to a woman…

      Thank you, dear, for that pleasant image. I think I'll be able to survive the next six and a half months after all…

  10. BlueStateLibel

    Hilary's diplomatic experience will certainly serve us well in the coming Mommy Wars, so I don't have a problem with this.

  11. JustPixelz

    They left Romney out of the poll. He'll be a Demoncrat by then, after the Repubicans kick him to the curb a few months from now.

  12. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Geez … the teabaggers hate her almost as much as they hate Obama. Are we really going to have to put up with all their stupid, obnoxious bullshit again?

    1. Negropolis

      Nah. By 2016 we will have crushed the tea party, driven them before us, and heard the lamentations of their women.

      1. Serolf_Divad

        The Tea Party (and their crocodile tears over the mounting Federal debt) will cease to exist the moment there's a GOP president.

        1. Negropolis

          Well, they have Female-Adjacent creatures, and Women-Approximate lifeforms, which I guess is close enough.

          1. Dashboard Buddha

            Centurian: Will they be real women?

            Alien leader: Don't worry, you won't be able to tell the difference.

            (I forgot the book this came from…it was about a Roman legion that was shanghaied by an alien race and used as mercenaries.)

        2. FlownOver

          It's true you don't see many teabag women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for teabag men. And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no teabag women, and that baggers just spring out of holes in the ground!

    2. LetUsBray

      Oh, those pigfuckers hate everyone who's not them. And that's because they REALLY hate everyone who IS them. As they should.

    3. TheMightyHaltor

      I'd look forward to a Hillary presidency for no other reason than curiosity about what the teabagger "birther" issue would be for her. My guess is that somewhere in the Constitution, it refers to the President as a "he".

    4. DemmeFatale

      Between the baggers and Reeps who just cold hate her, and the Libs who think she's WAY too conservative. and don't trust her, I see I'm gonna have to skip a lot of posts (again).

  13. Texan_Bulldog

    "It’s been less than two years since her and her husband’s completely obnoxious path to losing the Democratic presidential nomination…"

    Umm…Jim, it's actually been closer to 4 years. Hitting the Scotch already, are we?

    1. comrad_darkness

      There's the difference between you and me, Bulldog. I just assumed that was a Washington In-joke I didn't get. You assumed the author was plastered. I gotta work on my self-confidence.

  14. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    She must be well past menopause by now and as such, non-hormonal and probably safe to vote for.

      1. Guppy

        I don't think I would trust any woman who doesn't have her finger on "the button" at least a few times a week.

  15. ThundercatHo

    When W was reappointed I vowed to wear nothing but tiedye for the next 4 years. No way I'm taking a pantsuit pledge.

  16. Negropolis

    I, for one, welcome our pants-suited overlord.

    But, yeah, we really do need a deeper bench.

  17. ManchuCandidate

    She'll be 69 in 2016* so she'll invoke the "She's too old" that dogged a lot of elderly candidates. Also, if you do run Hilsbot just don't hire that incompetent fuckup Mark Penn.

    *I'll pass on the obvious low hanging fruit

  18. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    If Hillary becomes pres and then gets caught with an intern she will officially be my hero for life. Lady intern, even better.

  19. CogitoErgoBibo

    Wait, wait, wait. Mark Warner is in the mix? He makes toast seem exciting. I mean, I'm all for picking a really non-scandal-y person for ye olde Oval Office, but what about our needs? There's nothing remotely interesting about Warner. Think of the Wonketteers, people!

  20. tessiee

    You think they're losing their livers over the President we have now? Wait till Hil gets in there.

  21. slithytoves

    I think Hillary should just go and play and work on behalf of human rights and make shit loads of money with speaking engagements.

  22. Negropolis

    I'll tell you this, if anything other than Cher, Twinkies, cockroaches and the American South survive the coming Mayan Apocalypse, it will be Hillary Clinton. Unfortunately, Bill will surely fall prey to an attractive, Zombie intern sometime in the first week of the New Earth.

  23. el_donaldo

    Yes, blue crabs taste great. Red crabs, on the other hand … is there such a thing? must taste of racial resentment and fear of modernity.

  24. proudgrampa

    You're kidding, right? We aren't even through with 2012 and we're already talking Hillary for 2016?

    Actually, I was hoping Debbie Wasserman Schultz would throw her hat in the ring. There's a candidate that would be easy on the eyes…

    1. ttommyunger

      But the ears, notsomuch. I luvs her, but does that woman ever shut the fuck up? I feel sorry for her husband.

  25. SorosBot

    Because speculating about the 2016 elections is such a great use of our media's time; it's so much more important than actual reporting.

  26. OneYieldRegular

    Has anyone asked Sarah Palin whether or not Hillary is a Grizzly Mom? I could see her easily mauling Sarah to shreds.

  27. Guppy

    recently she’s been meme-ified in on some Internet photo thing that lasted like two days

    Gee, that plane she's on looks familiar

    Will "War Pigs" be her campaign song again?

  28. ttommyunger

    The force is strong with her cankles. Sorry, I just can't handle cankles. I often wonder, did Bill see those puppies before he married her?

  29. ProgressiveInga

    I interviewed for a jerb in the O'Malley administration last year. His chief of staff seemed nice. They didn't offer me the position so I conclude they are good judges of character.

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