WE'LL ALL BE DEAD BY THEN IS THE THING  9:00 am April 18, 2012

Hillary Clinton Is Your Future President, Again

by Jim Newell

Apocalypse/Clinton '16You Democrats keep falling for Hillary Clinton. It’s been less than two years since her and her husband’s completely obnoxious path to losing the Democratic presidential nomination, the best thing that ever happened to her. She gets to fly around the world doing whatever while no one really pays attention but assumes she’s doing well, she’s out of elected office and therefore not hated, and recently she’s been meme-ified in on some Internet photo thing that lasted like two days. You people, you love her. She has an 86% percent favorability among Democrats. You love her and will make her president, in the future.

How’s that Democratic stable of prospects for the 2016 election looking? The same as it did several years out before 2004, 2008, and not really 2012: Hillary Clinton is the favorite by a million points, over Joe Biden and some other hippies. From the kindly folks at Public Policy Polling, who are bored with current politics, like everyone:

The Democratic nomination at this point is Hillary Clinton’s for the taking if she wants it. She has an amazing 86/10 favorability rating with Democratic voters. In a dream field Clinton gets 57% to 14 for Joe Biden, 6% for Elizabeth Warren, 5% for Andrew Cuomo, 3% for Russ Feingold, 2% for Mark Warner, and 1% each for Martin O’Malley and Brian Schweitzer.

Clinton’s appeal to the various different constituencies of the Democratic Party is pretty universal. She’s at 58% with ‘very liberal’ voters, 56% with moderates, 60% with women, 52% with men, 59% with whites, 54% with African Americans, 51% with Hispanics, 64% with seniors, and 44% with young voters.

The Bright New Democratic Party of the Future: Hillary Rodham Clinton for President 2016. Meh, fine. Just spare us from Cuomo.

(Although, as a Marylander, your Wonkette author must say GO O’MALLEY, OUR HOMETOWN BANAL DEMOCRAT; BLUE CRABS TASTE GOOD!)

[PPP]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 109 comments }

Barb April 18, 2012 at 9:03 am

She's logged 1 million frequent flyer miles as the Secretary of State just to get upgraded to the seat that she really wants.

Douché April 18, 2012 at 9:07 am

I think she's just on standby.

tihond April 18, 2012 at 9:04 am

THIS IS GREAT NEWS! FOR TIME TRAVELING VINCENT FOSTER!

OC_Surf_Serf April 18, 2012 at 9:05 am

Me thinks if she won in 08 and was torn apart by the FOX Noise Machine, y'all be loving Barry at 86% too…

Douché April 18, 2012 at 9:06 am

Are we now polling for future president? And Voting as well? Holy Cow.

Designer_Rants April 18, 2012 at 9:51 am

Wasn't this the plot of that "Minority Report" movie?

OC_Surf_Serf April 18, 2012 at 9:07 am

Let's see, zero comments, zero views and Barb is already at 23 upfists.

Normal Wednesday morning on the Wonkette's!!

PuckStopsHere April 18, 2012 at 9:09 am

Thou shalt not covet they neighbors upfists.

Barb April 18, 2012 at 9:13 am

Puck! I am so ready for some Flyer hockey tonight. I'm waiting for UPS to deliver my new hockey sweaters for tonight.

PuckStopsHere April 18, 2012 at 9:28 am

Here in Detroit we are so ready for a night off from Red Wings hockey tonight. Outshot 'em 28-10 thru 2 last night (held them to three (3) shots in second and they really only had 2) and the game was still 0-0 and that's when I knew they were going to lose because I've seen this movie before. You dominate like that but you do not lead–you lose. And, sure enough…

FlownOver April 18, 2012 at 9:44 am

Deliver???QuestionMark?

Whatever happened to knit? Don't tell me you've been too busy working a day in your life.

Barb April 18, 2012 at 9:59 am

I am knitting, Flownover. Both of my daughters are pregnant and due on the same day in June. I am knitting like a spider on meth over here.

SorosBot April 18, 2012 at 10:03 am

Considering the thrashings they've been giving the Penguins so far, I'm hoping for another bloodbath.

Barb April 18, 2012 at 9:13 am

It's 12 comments, 124 views and 5 upfists.

OC_Surf_Serf April 18, 2012 at 9:51 am

Just teasing! Damn us liberals get bent outta shape easily. Except when I try yoga. Now, that hurts.

Barb April 18, 2012 at 10:04 am

Wanna see bent out of shape? I hauled 200 pounds of steer manure yesterday for the garden I am building in my yard. I would pick the bag up from the garage and walk it all the way back to the yard, drop it, and say, "that's bullshit!" I was so winded that I couldn't peel my tangerine after lunch.

OC_Surf_Serf April 18, 2012 at 10:54 am

Haulin' 200 pounds of steer manure?

Barb, I didn't know you drove a Republican Presidential candidate's bus…

JerkCade April 18, 2012 at 9:08 am

Jesus! Where's the bourbon?

Any chance of ever getting, you know, a liberal?

Serolf_Divad April 18, 2012 at 9:12 am

Oh, my child… there is't enough bourbon in the whole state of Tennessee to help wash down the answer to that question.

James Michael Curley April 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

I'm hoping for O'Malley/Booker 2016. The combination should sound familiar enough to millions of the sons and daughters of the old sod that they should be willing to bet on it.

freakishlywrong April 18, 2012 at 9:48 am

We are a "center-right nation", according to rieghtwing hacks and the so-called "media". Except, when polled on issues, we prefer liberal policy. So, no, no chance.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 18, 2012 at 9:10 am

Kid Zoom pointed out to me that he'll be old enough to vote in the 2016 election. I'll ask him who he likes.

Also, how did I suddenly get so damn OLD?

ThundercatHo April 18, 2012 at 9:31 am

My youngest thunderkitten will be old enough to vote in this election. I'm not sure how this happened, perhaps something to do with a wormhole or drugs.

DemmeFatale April 18, 2012 at 10:54 am

I sympathize with both of you.
One of my girls is a Poil-Sci major, and the other majored in Theater and doesn't give a shit about politics.
Her unforgettable quote: "Barack Obama is running for president?!"
(She'll never live that down!)

Goonemeritus April 18, 2012 at 9:13 am

Hilary will be the presumptive nominee right up to the point where we collectively say hey look at that shiny thing over there. All kidding aside I do respect her and I am happy to have her in her present role but I am sick to death of third way politics.

Mumbletypeg April 18, 2012 at 9:14 am

Jim, does this O'Malley you speak of also answer to "Just Dial 'O' for…"?
Meh — rotary phone gesturing and association with crooners damned posthumously for alleged child battering won't connect w/ the kids these days if he wants to make it to the big leagues.

Dashboard Buddha April 18, 2012 at 9:14 am

2016? Who can think of 2016 at a time like this? What about the 2030 match up between the Bush girls vs. Cheney's emancipated heart? Or the 2050 show down between Frankie the Preconceived Fetus and the holographic head of Elvis?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 18, 2012 at 9:21 am

God, I'm hopeless. My first reaction to your post was to think, wait, 2030 and 2050 will both be midterm election years.

Dashboard Buddha April 18, 2012 at 9:26 am

Did I calculate correctly?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 18, 2012 at 9:35 am

2016, 2020, 2024, 2028, 2032… je suis un dork.

But back on track: Frankie the Fetus will be opposed by radical birthers since there's an outside possibility that he could be born outside of US territory.

Dashboard Buddha April 18, 2012 at 10:29 am

Given our country's steady march into idiotcy, I wouldn't be surprised if a president's legitimacy was challenged once it became known that she had been conceived while her parents we on vacation in Paris.

James Michael Curley April 18, 2012 at 11:44 am

Show us your mother's flight itinerary.

Designer_Rants April 18, 2012 at 9:55 am

Uh, everyone knows Holographic Elvis Head wins by a mile.

Dashboard Buddha April 18, 2012 at 10:30 am

a huh uh

Doktor StrangeZoom April 18, 2012 at 9:18 am

Return of the PUMAs?

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 10:06 am

From where, the Tea Party?

Buzz Feedback April 18, 2012 at 9:18 am

All the 'very liberal' Democrats I know are out protesting the invasion of Cambodia.

FlownOver April 18, 2012 at 9:51 am

BT,DT. Got shot at. Learned (quickly) to let it go. Now I don't even get out to protest the invasion of domestic uteri. I'm such a disappointment to the gang at the mandatory organic foods co-op.

FakaktaSouth April 18, 2012 at 9:19 am

Well, Hils or Elizabeth Warren, them womens are all interchangeable. As long as it's a woman against the also already definite Rick Santorum, I'm in.

Serolf_Divad April 18, 2012 at 9:39 am

My money's on Debbie Wasserman Schultz. I'd totally give her run a Communist fist bump.

FakaktaSouth April 18, 2012 at 9:48 am

A Jewish Woman. Could it GET any better? (Only if she brushed that jacked up hair do and made it into the natural Fro it is)

Texan_Bulldog April 18, 2012 at 10:04 am

I saw her on Andrea Mitchell's show about a week ago & her hair was wavy (as opposed to curly) & it was a different color. Not sure if I liked it or not…

Texan_Bulldog April 18, 2012 at 9:49 am

She's bad ass & she fills in a lot of boxes:

Jewish–check
from Floridastan–check
breast cancer survivor-check

Plus she doesn't take any shit.

MoeDeLawn April 18, 2012 at 11:01 am

You know who else didn't take any shit? Elliot Spitzer AND Anthony Wiener. Just sayin.

Callyson April 18, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Ahhhhhhhhh…to see the Frothy Mix lose to a woman…

Thank you, dear, for that pleasant image. I think I'll be able to survive the next six and a half months after all…

BlueStateLibel April 18, 2012 at 9:22 am

Hilary's diplomatic experience will certainly serve us well in the coming Mommy Wars, so I don't have a problem with this.

JustPixelz April 18, 2012 at 9:22 am

They left Romney out of the poll. He'll be a Demoncrat by then, after the Repubicans kick him to the curb a few months from now.

FlownOver April 18, 2012 at 9:58 am

He can hire Mark Penn! They're made for each other!

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 9:26 am

Geez … the teabaggers hate her almost as much as they hate Obama. Are we really going to have to put up with all their stupid, obnoxious bullshit again?

donner_froh April 18, 2012 at 9:32 am

Of course. If Mothra looked white they would back him/her/it in Mothra vs. Godzilla.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 9:49 am

NO WAY!! RODAN OR GTFO!!!

OK, or Gamera. Gamera's good, too.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 9:33 am

Nah. By 2016 we will have crushed the tea party, driven them before us, and heard the lamentations of their women.

Serolf_Divad April 18, 2012 at 9:45 am

The Tea Party (and their crocodile tears over the mounting Federal debt) will cease to exist the moment there's a GOP president.

unclejeems April 18, 2012 at 9:45 am

They have women?

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 9:53 am

Well, they have Female-Adjacent creatures, and Women-Approximate lifeforms, which I guess is close enough.

Designer_Rants April 18, 2012 at 9:57 am

They have "Other".

Or maybe, "Self-Hating Domestic Servants"?

Dashboard Buddha April 18, 2012 at 10:35 am

Centurian: Will they be real women?

Alien leader: Don't worry, you won't be able to tell the difference.

(I forgot the book this came from…it was about a Roman legion that was shanghaied by an alien race and used as mercenaries.)

FlownOver April 18, 2012 at 10:02 am

It's true you don't see many teabag women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for teabag men. And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no teabag women, and that baggers just spring out of holes in the ground!

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 11:21 am

You don't see them because they stay in the kitchen.

LetUsBray April 18, 2012 at 10:01 am

Oh, those pigfuckers hate everyone who's not them. And that's because they REALLY hate everyone who IS them. As they should.

TheMightyHaltor April 18, 2012 at 10:02 am

I'd look forward to a Hillary presidency for no other reason than curiosity about what the teabagger "birther" issue would be for her. My guess is that somewhere in the Constitution, it refers to the President as a "he".

DemmeFatale April 18, 2012 at 11:07 am

Ugh!
Between the baggers and Reeps who just cold hate her, and the Libs who think she's WAY too conservative. and don't trust her, I see I'm gonna have to skip a lot of posts (again).

Texan_Bulldog April 18, 2012 at 9:29 am

"It’s been less than two years since her and her husband’s completely obnoxious path to losing the Democratic presidential nomination…"

Umm…Jim, it's actually been closer to 4 years. Hitting the Scotch already, are we?

comrad_darkness April 18, 2012 at 9:52 am

There's the difference between you and me, Bulldog. I just assumed that was a Washington In-joke I didn't get. You assumed the author was plastered. I gotta work on my self-confidence.

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 10:11 am

Nah, he just churned this out in '10 so he could phone it in on a sick/hangover day in '12.

weejee April 18, 2012 at 9:30 am

One of the clickies says Chris Christie has the Replug lead. Maybe one of the coal companies will provide Cupcake Chrisie with an appropriately-sized campaign bus.

ManchuCandidate April 18, 2012 at 9:46 am

Sail Barge?

Designer_Rants April 18, 2012 at 10:01 am

I think it needs to be something that can carry seawater. The Christie travels best when it can find its own buoyancy.

donner_froh April 18, 2012 at 9:31 am

O’Malley/Schweitzer in 2016.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 18, 2012 at 9:32 am

She must be well past menopause by now and as such, non-hormonal and probably safe to vote for.

Designer_Rants April 18, 2012 at 10:03 am

Do you really trust a woman to have her finger on the button? And then what about their penchant for shopping sprees? We'll go into debt!

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 11:57 am

I don't think I would trust any woman who doesn't have her finger on "the button" at least a few times a week.

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 10:12 am

You say that now, next thing you know she'll bomb Argentina.

James Michael Curley April 18, 2012 at 11:50 am

But don't cry for it.

ThundercatHo April 18, 2012 at 9:34 am

When W was reappointed I vowed to wear nothing but tiedye for the next 4 years. No way I'm taking a pantsuit pledge.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 9:35 am

I, for one, welcome our pants-suited overlord.

But, yeah, we really do need a deeper bench.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 18, 2012 at 9:37 am

Cory Booker 2020!

FlownOver April 18, 2012 at 9:54 am

1st draft bumper sticker: Fireman, Save My Country!

ManchuCandidate April 18, 2012 at 9:36 am

She'll be 69 in 2016* so she'll invoke the "She's too old" that dogged a lot of elderly candidates. Also, if you do run Hilsbot just don't hire that incompetent fuckup Mark Penn.

*I'll pass on the obvious low hanging fruit

CapnFatback April 18, 2012 at 10:05 am

So will Bill, likely.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 9:36 am

Yes, yes…but how will this affect Sarah Palin?

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 18, 2012 at 9:40 am

If Hillary becomes pres and then gets caught with an intern she will officially be my hero for life. Lady intern, even better.

comrad_darkness April 18, 2012 at 9:54 am

The lady intern Bill always has his eye on.

LetUsBray April 18, 2012 at 10:05 am

Lady intern hotter than Lewinsky = most epic win ever.

mavenmaven April 18, 2012 at 9:44 am

24 hour news cycle has just gone into super overdrive. Kirk/Spock 3018!

LetUsBray April 18, 2012 at 10:06 am

Picard/Seven of Nine or GTFO.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 18, 2012 at 10:12 am

Janeway / The Doctor, you fool!

CogitoErgoBibo April 18, 2012 at 9:46 am

Wait, wait, wait. Mark Warner is in the mix? He makes toast seem exciting. I mean, I'm all for picking a really non-scandal-y person for ye olde Oval Office, but what about our needs? There's nothing remotely interesting about Warner. Think of the Wonketteers, people!

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 9:46 am

You think they're losing their livers over the President we have now? Wait till Hil gets in there.

slithytoves April 18, 2012 at 9:48 am

I think Hillary should just go and play and work on behalf of human rights and make shit loads of money with speaking engagements.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 9:50 am

I'll tell you this, if anything other than Cher, Twinkies, cockroaches and the American South survive the coming Mayan Apocalypse, it will be Hillary Clinton. Unfortunately, Bill will surely fall prey to an attractive, Zombie intern sometime in the first week of the New Earth.

ProgressiveInga April 18, 2012 at 9:54 am

Corey Booker/Seal Team 6 2016!

el_donaldo April 18, 2012 at 9:54 am

Yes, blue crabs taste great. Red crabs, on the other hand … is there such a thing? must taste of racial resentment and fear of modernity.

donner_froh April 18, 2012 at 10:00 am

Head for the Hils, 2016.

proudgrampa April 18, 2012 at 10:02 am

You're kidding, right? We aren't even through with 2012 and we're already talking Hillary for 2016?

Actually, I was hoping Debbie Wasserman Schultz would throw her hat in the ring. There's a candidate that would be easy on the eyes…

ttommyunger April 18, 2012 at 3:11 pm

But the ears, notsomuch. I luvs her, but does that woman ever shut the fuck up? I feel sorry for her husband.

SorosBot April 18, 2012 at 10:08 am

Because speculating about the 2016 elections is such a great use of our media's time; it's so much more important than actual reporting.

OneYieldRegular April 18, 2012 at 10:16 am

Has anyone asked Sarah Palin whether or not Hillary is a Grizzly Mom? I could see her easily mauling Sarah to shreds.

DahBoner April 18, 2012 at 10:37 am

Hillary Give It Up

I do not care for Hillbilly Rap.

GET OFF MY FARM YOU KIDS

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 10:45 am

recently she’s been meme-ified in on some Internet photo thing that lasted like two days

Gee, that plane she's on looks familiar

Will "War Pigs" be her campaign song again?

elgin_pelican April 18, 2012 at 10:47 am

Pantsuit against Mom jeans – cage match to the death!

DetectiveGrey April 18, 2012 at 11:10 am

Elizabeth Warren post. *checks watch* Time to gush.

arihaya April 18, 2012 at 11:17 am

no snark, but I prefer Hickenlooper for 2016

Nostrildamus April 18, 2012 at 12:35 pm

NEEDZ MOAR ALAN GRAYSON !!!!

ttommyunger April 18, 2012 at 3:12 pm

The force is strong with her cankles. Sorry, I just can't handle cankles. I often wonder, did Bill see those puppies before he married her?

ProgressiveInga April 18, 2012 at 9:51 am

I interviewed for a jerb in the O'Malley administration last year. His chief of staff seemed nice. They didn't offer me the position so I conclude they are good judges of character.

Geminisunmars April 18, 2012 at 12:19 pm

The long form.

imissopus April 18, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Christie doesn't want to have to diet before the campaign starts.

banana_bread April 18, 2012 at 11:16 pm

You knit? Now I love you even more.

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