This man is bogarting all the chlamydiaOh, guess we sort of answered our own question there, duh, it is because they are black! Christopher Johnson and Nathaniel Claybrooks are two hot black guys who are also football players, and they wanted to be on television but they never got chosen for the wildly popular television program “Bachelor Wives” because of blackness and now they are lawsuiting everybody! And they should. That show is like John Derbyshire married Marge Schott and they had a stupid idiot racist baby and put it on television to get syphilis.

Anyway, we never really “watched” The Bachelor, with our eyeballs, because it did not feature Bret Michaels’ wigs singing the Poison classic “Every Rose Has A Thorn” twice per hour, and also chicks hardly ever ODed on it. (RIP Daisy, if you are dead, which you probably are because JESUS.) But if we had watched The Bachelor, this is where lots of funny in-jokes would go about this one or that one or herpes. But apparently there have been 23 seasons of it and its sisterlover The Bachelorette, and yet they have never found a single person of color they could have put up for America to throw up on, like the rest of their swingles. Not even a light-skinned and Intelligent, Well-Socialized One!

Johnson and Claybrooks are suing ABC, all the various production companies, and exec producer Michael Fleiss “on behalf of all persons of color who have applied for the role of the Bachelor or Bachelorette but been denied the equal opportunity for selection on the basis of race.”

Nathaniel Claybrooks, a Tennessee native, attended Middle Tennessee State University, where he minored in Psychology and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Sports Medicine in 1997. While at Middle Tennessee State, Mr. Claybrooks starred on the school’s football team as a linebacker and was designated All Conference in 1994 and 1995 and All American in 1995. He also earned Most Valuable Player – Defense while on the team. In 1999, Mr. Claybrooks joined the Arena Football League as a linebacker, and played for the Nashville Kats in 1999, the Augusta Stallions in 2000, and the Nashville Kats from 2001 to 2011. Mr. Claybrooks has also been employed with the Nashville Electric Service since 2006.

Mr. Claybrooks auditioned for The Bachelor in August 2011, attending the Indigo Hotel casting call in downtown Nashville. He met all indicated requirements for the show, but heard nothing back following a videotaped interview with a white staff person for the show.

Here is Christopher Johnson’s bio, because it is more impressive than the other dude’s, and also sort of has prima facie racism right in it, from a helpful lawyer/publicist/somebody!

In high school, Christopher Johnson was one of the best wide receivers in the state of Tennessee and was recruited by a number of schools to play collegiate football. Mr. Johnson chose Tennessee State University, where he starred on the football team and majored in Business Administration and Marketing. After graduating, Mr. Johnson became a permanent substitute teacher and football coach at JL Johnson High School in Hunstville, Alabama before moving to Nashville to become a full-time high school teacher at Glencliff High School. He is presently pursuing a master’s degree in secondary education and preparing to try out for teams in the National Football League.

Mr. Johnson applied to be the next Bachelor in August 2011, attending the show’s Nashville casting call to hand-deliver his application, complete with professional photos of himself. At the event, a white staff person stopped Mr. Johnson in the hotel lobby while other applicants continued into the hotel. Although the staff person promised to deliver his materials to a casting director, Mr. Johnson never heard back from the show’s producers.

It is super-obvious to everybody that this case is totally merited, because look at it, and that ABC et al.’s response will be “What do you want, y’all have BET.” But if Mssrs. Johnson and Claybrooks need to come out to LA for lawsuit stuff or whatever, there’s a place on the couch at Wonkette HQ.

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  • It is my understanding that the Bachelor like a Horror, War or SF movie, it's always the black guy (or any other non-white for that matter) who gets it first.

    • Boojum

      Except, "getting it" is the whole idea on these shows, no?

  • hagajim

    I'm going to sue for the right to be a complete tool – on national teevee. Why not, Glenn Beck did it for years.

  • LastGasp

    "But if Mssrs. Johnson and Claybrooks need to come out to LA for lawsuit stuff or whatever, there’s a place on the couch at Wonkette HQ."

    Hmmm, the casting couch?

  • nounverb911

    "there’s a place on the couch at Wonkette HQ. "
    Is it open to commenters too, also?

    • You didn't get your Golden Ticket?

      Eat more chocolate.

    • C'mon, she has STANDARDS.

  • Boojum

    But wait, don't we have a black President now?

    • Pennywhistler

      Anybody raised by a white lady from Kansas is WHITE.

      • Boojum


        • Pennywhistler

          Honestly, I cannot make out what you are attempting to say. Could you put in a verb, or a subject or a context, or something?

          • Boojum

            The one-drop rule is a historical colloquial term in the United States for the social classification as black of individuals with any African ancestry; meaning any person with "one drop of black blood" was considered black. The principle was an example of hypodescent, the automatic assignment of children of a mixed union between different socioeconomic or ethnic groups to the group with the lower status.

          • Pennywhistler

            Um, so I libeled Mr. Obama … because you applied a hundred-year-old racial classification system?

            So having a white mother and being raised by a whitle mother doesn't make you white? I am bewildered by whatever point you are attempting to make.

            If his mother was a Jew he would be a Jew … whatever color she was.

          • Boojum

            Are you new to the Wonkerati? If so, welcome.

            I was making a joke, using a Wonkette meme of (something) libel, to express the idea (again, JOKINGLY) that you were denigrating the mystical power of the blood of the blah man, which is so potent that it makes any man (and most women, heh heh) entirely and completely black.

            Interesting (to geeks like me) historical note: The plaintiff in Plessy v. Ferguson, the Supreme Court case that established separate but equal as the law for the next eighty years, was phenotypically white and was considered "Negro" only because Louisiana followed the one sixteenth rule. The case noted that Plessy was , by appearance, white. As he was on a train and different States had different rules, he changed race every time he crossed State lines.

          • Pennywhistler

            I often read W'kette, but I rarely post comments.

            (Something) libel meme, huh?

            The last time I read about "memes" was an article saying they don't really exist. Probably in the Atlantic.

            Thanks for the welcome.

          • snoopyfan2010

            Thanks for being geeky enough to know that. The difference today is that people choose their label rather than have it forced on them.

          • Pennywhistler

            Actually, I am so geeky that I didn't know what a "one drop libel" was, and didn't know what geeky was either.

            And, however poorly, was making fun of the he must me black / he must be white type of thinking.

            And was so damn geeky that I asked Boojum what "ONE DROP LIBEL!" meant. And he politely explained it.

            Which one of us is geekier?

          • snoopyfan2010

            I'm bewildered by whatever point YOU are trying to make by insisting that he belongs to one side and not the other.

            "So having a white mother and being raised by a whitle mother doesn't make you white?" Short answer….no. Long answer….I'm bewildered by whatever point you are trying to make….

          • Pennywhistler

            Well, since you asked ….

            I thought "But wait, don't we have a black President now?" to be lame and unfunny, so I tossed in "Anybody raised by a white lady from Kansas is WHITE." as a (sort-of) funny reposte.

            I liked it, at any rate.

            My "So having … white" was intended as a parody of the "he belongs to one side or the other" mindset, which I find really nutty.

          • snoopyfan2010

            Ahhhhhh… I understand now. This calls for a well placed calypso song.

          • Pennywhistler

            Great song! I'm part Irish-Mongolian myself.

            I swear – when I saw your "This calls for a well placed calypso song" my first thought was Lord Kitchener's "Negro By Injection"

          • snoopyfan2010

            If you went with that the first time around I would have gotten your joke.

  • Radiotherapy

    Because they are not tight ends? Obvsly.

  • What's a "The Bachelor"?

    And why would two obviously intelligent handsome young studs want to be on it? Sounds like a show where you'd see Matthew McConaughey, if he keeps his shirt on. And didn't have a mediocre film career.

    Also, Nathan Filion. Too.

    • Why? Why would any man want to get a chance to nail, not love, nail hot crazy desperate women without any serious commitments… because he can.

      • Oh.

        Carry on, in that case. I've never seen the show. I prefer documentaries like WWE RAW

        • The only reason I admit to knowing anything about this show is that a very good friend of mine was a classmate of the first bachelor.

          And I am deeply ashamed I know that much.

  • Barb

    Well, Kim Kardashian and her disturbingly insatiable desire for hot black football players* more than makes up for it.

    * and basketball players, hockey players….

    • But she sucks their talent away drawing sustenance while they wither.

      • Barb

        She's always up for a good "showmance"

      • Abbystinence

        That is one of the filthiest comments I have ever read!

        • Barb

          Hang on, Abby. The day is still young.

    • Boojum

      Chess players, D&D players…

      • Barb

        Speaking of players, Boojum. Jeff made a bet on March Madness basketball and he started out so horrible that he stopped looking at his brackets. LOL He got a call yesterday to tell him that he won! It seems you could win by being the best or, like Jeff, being the worst.

        • Boojum

          Or, in my case, lose.

    • You can't fool me! There are no blah hockey players!*
      * except for dark-skinned Canadians but they don't count.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Sarah Palin would do them!

    • Pennywhistler

      And then report on it on a TV sports program … as she was trained to do in journalism school.

  • But if Mssrs. Johnson and Claybrooks need to come out to LA for lawsuit stuff or whatever, there’s a place on the couch at Wonkette HQ.

    FAIRNESS, at last!

    "Liberté, égalité, sexy couch time" as the saying goes.

  • SorosBot

    Why is the Bachelor still on? In fact, why the fuck was a show that despicable ever aired in the first place?

    • elviouslyqueer

      In fact, why the fuck was a show that despicable ever aired in the first place?

      Um, SB? "American Idol" would like a millisecond for rebuttal.

    • MissTaken

      Because the Jersey Shore house is already completely filled with spray-tanned, STD-infected drunks in hot tubs?

      • prommie

        At least the Joisey guineas are amusing to watch, from a safe enough distance, of course. This show is just gross. Remember the blowjob audio?

        • __kth__

          That is indeed appalling (he said while frantically googling "bachelor blowjob")

        • MissTaken

          I thought the blowjob audio was from the fake "Joe Millionaire" show. It was even subtitled and they wrote out "slurp, slurp". Awesome!

          • prommie

            Shit, you are right, and yes, the "slurp slurp" subtitles were a hoot. Of course, they also probably had to write out "slurp slurp" on the script, as well.

          • Negropolis

            You know way too much about this, Miss. lol

      • SorosBot

        Oh, those spray-tanned, STD-infested drunk dumb girls just get me so horny. And by horny I mean nauseous.

        • Oh please! There was a time when, fresh out of your teens, you'd have jumped JWoww like she was a Backside 180 Ollie.

    • Baconzgood


    • Dumbedup

      espouses fambly values, i.e heterosexual unions.

    • Pennywhistler

      Why is TV still on?

  • cheetojeebus

    Reality TV, for when you've completely given up.
    A ring of hell just above QVC. and also, further more.

  • Callyson

    Next time someone asks me why I'm not married, I am referring to this show, conversation over, thanks.

    • Chichikovovich

      If someone asks me why I'm not a bachelor, I'm referring to this show, conversation concluded with "Can't be too careful.", thanks.

      • Boojum

        If someone asks me a question, I just run.

  • It is sad that equality means that everybody gets to be equally an asshole.

  • Baconzgood

    Honestly black people, is being on the Bachelor a right you REALLY want?

    • Maybe it beats working for the electric company. I hope they get a big enough pay-out to retire.

    • snoopyfan2010

      Maybe it is just about the principle.

  • Boojum

    Speaking of which, have any of you followed the "Paula Deen and her brother "Bubba" are bigots towards women and teh blah and Bubba is a drunk" lawsuit?

    More stupid than a pile of wingtards, in that one.

  • Antispandex

    Oh sure, like we are supposed to believe that black people would get married and take it as seriously as …well Newt, to name just ONE Teapublican who will protect the sacred institution!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    The dichotomy of reading this, while listening to coverage of the Trayvon Martin case on MSNBC, makes me sad for America.

  • el_donaldo

    Now if they were casting for Interracial Bachelorette Party 2: Dong, Dong, Black Wedding Balls, that would be different.

  • prommie

    Molester-'stache alert, molester-'stache alert!

  • MissTaken

    I'm stunned The Bachelor/Bachelorette are still around. There's been what, one marriage out of these? Hell, even Flavor Flav knew it was time to hang up his clock on that shit-show.

    • Be nice. It launched Birgitte Neilsen's comeback.

      • MissTaken

        Nuh-uh. Her comeback was on The Surreal Life, when her and Flav were doing the nasty. He did Flavor of Love afterwards, even bringing Brigitte on to intimidate that nasty skank, New York.

        Fucking hell, I hate myself that I know this shit.

        • Fare la Volpe

          The only reason I remember Flavor of Love is because one of the contestants took a dump on the rug during a formal rose ceremony; hiked her skirt, squatted down, and dropped a fitting metaphor for Flav's career.

          • MissTaken

            That was one of the finest moments of television history. If the contestants on The Bachelor took a dump while accepting their roses I just may watch.

          • Boojum

            Miss T, you just made me laugh until my knees were weak.

          • It would also be appropriate behavior for this session of Congress. Someone should do it and maybe THEY'D go home.

          • Negropolis

            It's funny, because I think I remember her totally denying it, at first.

  • DoggerelCDogg

    I have seen a few "Batchelor" type shows featuring black women. One starred an obnoxious diva named New York. I think one might have a better case suing the show for discriminating against fat people and/or unattractive people. There is no doubt in my mind that if a light-skinned black Adonis like that guy on "Criminal Minds" auditioned, he would get the role.

    • Chichikovovich

      discriminating against fat people and/or unattractive people.

      Or people with an ounce of shame.

    • TV has been looking for a new Omarosa since she raised havoc on The Donald's first "you're fired" program. New York was merely auditioning, but too bad for her Trump is a germophobe, so no pooping. As for the Adonis on "Criminal Minds," he had a long career on daytime soaps before he graduated to prime time, so he doesn't need any skanky bachelor show.

      As MissTaken says, "I hate myself that I know this shit."

    • dinkybossetti

      Oh, but fat people got their own show on fox, called More to Love, to keep them from suing, while at the same time keeping them segregated from the "beautiful" people.

  • poorgradstudent

    They can audition for the low-budget version of "The Bachelor" I've been working on*.

    *DISCLAIMER: I may not be an actual producer in the entertainment industry, and the aforementioned "low-budget version" may technically not be an actual production for outside viewing.

    • Boojum

      Does this "low budget version" involve audio/visual equipment of any kind?

      • poorgradstudent

        Of course! The problem is that there won't be any bachelorettes involved…

        • Y'know, I've seen your productions on…

          • poorgradstudent

            I've done kwality work there.

        • Fare la Volpe

          My interest, you've piqued it.

      • Does an iPhone and an intercom count?

    • You might want to consider the career of Joe Francis of the Girls Gone Wild enterprise before you fire up the video camera. In and out of jail for years now, the latest being a grand jury indictment in Reno.

      • poorgradstudent

        Aah, but gay men and straight women can get away with all sorts of crap straight men can't. It's the silver lining of patriarchy, I suppose.

        Incidentally, a woman *did* go out and did market a "Boys Gone Wild" video. It wasn't that good, but I'm sure it will give some enterprising grad student a good thesis topic.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Good fuckin' gravy — suing to get on The Bachelor is like watching the cows jostle each other to be first in line at the slaughterhouse.

    • "The tenants arrive in the entrance hall here, are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these large containers– "

      (Wow. I got to use the architect's sketch twice today!)

  • elviouslyqueer

    That picture is the gayest thing I've seen since Ryan Seacrest opened his mouth and a Lucite stiletto fell out.

    • prommie

      Its at least as gay as every photo ever taken of Tom Selleck, and thats pretty fucking gay.

    • I'm surprised anything comes out of that singularity.

  • Steverino247

    I'm truly sorry that the best I can offer to the lovely staff at Wonkette HQ is hot dogs at Pink's next time I'm in the area.

  • Exhausted66

    There's a reason it's not called the Blahchelor.

    Sit down, Heidi's brother Mike Fleiss! (For realz)

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Oh, damn. I suppose that now, in order to oppose racism, I'm going to have to care about this stupid shit? Still, as my boss says about marriage equality and ending DADT, social justice means everyone should have an equal right to make terrible decisions.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Somewhere out there, there has to be an audience for a lesbian-themed spinoff: The Butchelor.

    • And for lonely bacteria, The Botulin

      • flamingpdog

        And for obnoxious Italians, The Bacia Il Mio Culo!.

  • __kth__

    A couple of Bachelors ago they had Jesse Palmer, who was backup QB for the Giants for a couple weeks. So it isn't like you have to be Tom Brady or Steve Garvey or anything.

    • Steverino247

      I'm surprised Steve Garvey didn't pull off the bases and fuck the hole for them on his way around the bases. That guy would fuck anything. He almost ran a friend of mine off the road trying to fuck some woman while driving on I-5.

  • Wife Swap is way better.

  • I wonder how popular a show called Straight Eye for the Queer Guy would be, in which a bunch of hardhats would take a guy off the Castro or out of the Village and teach him how to be more, for want of a more descriptive term, het…then bring him to some bars and get him really drunk, then dare him to chat up some chicks.

    • Sponsored by the Family Research Council?

  • Lucidamente1

    That show is like John Derbyshire married Marge Schott and they had a stupid idiot racist baby and put it on television to get syphilis.

    Where do I go to get that image sand-blasted out of my cerebral cortex?

  • mavenmaven

    Did Bristol do this program yet?

  • ElPinche

    There's always my favorite on Univision "El Culero"
    It just focuses on the honeymoon night.

  • CivicHoliday

    What gives? Aren't the blahs satisfied with Flavor of Love?

  • Pennywhistler

    "Not even a light-skinned and Intelligent, Well-Socialized One!"

    Don't they also have to be clean?

    PS – Nashville has a football team named after a song by a New York Jew songwriter? Way cool!

  • Come here a minute

    Not even a quadroon?

  • Needs moar bongos.

  • Negropolis

    God bless these two for wanting the equal opportunity to degrade themselves on that trashy-ass show. Truly, they are doing God's work. Wait. Shhh. You ehar that? It's Rosa Park's spinning in her grave.

    But, no, seriously; it looks like they have a case, if even they still sound like your typical douchebags, because, really, what other kind of man or woman signs up to be on the Bachelor and Bachelorette?

    • "I want to sacrifice my dignity on the alter of reality teevee and look like a huge fucking twit in front of the entire world AND I'LL SUE FOR THE RIGHT TO DO IT, BY JINGO!"

  • ttommyunger

    ….trying to give a fuck about that show……trying……..trying………Nope, it's no use.

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