GSA Crashing Its Own Party With Tales of Exploding Toilets, Bubble Baths And Wine Coolers

by Liz Colville


The General Services Administration, the great landlord of this nation, is continuing to eat it, as Jeffrey Neely, pictured, one of the GSA executives who took egregious “research” trips to Vegas prior to organizing an over-the-top conference in the same locale, spent Monday testifying before Congress uselessly (he pled the Fifth). Meanwhile, word of an “exploding toilet” at GSA headquarters in 2011 manages to not be a letdown despite some GSA employees’ requests to conceal some of the information involving the exploding toilet for “privacy reasons” or whatever. What we do know is that said exploding toilet injured two GSA employees, and that the report pertaining to the debacle is referred to as the “Domestic Water Incident,” not to be confused with the Domestic Water Incident that Jeffrey Neely’s wife posted to her Google+ account, which here shows Mr. Neely, during his 2009 “research trip,” in a clawfoot bathtub overlooking the arid splendor of Las Vegas, two giant glasses of something — wine? sangria? Arbor Mist? blood? — perched on the edge of the tub.

First to the exploding toilet. Muckrock obtained relevant documents, via self-proclaimed “FOI geek” Jason Smathers, using the Freedom of Information Act. The documents — those that Smathers were able to get, anyway — show that the explosion resulted in one person having a shard of a toilet bowl lodged in/on their person and that the water quite obviously “ejected” out of the toilets onto both “victims.” The piece of toilet bowl was then removed by a nurse.

People were then warned to avoid the toilets entirely (really!) out of concerns that other toilets might explode and result in pieces of porcelain stabbing them in the rear. Unfortunately because of Neely’s Arbor Mist bubble bath at the M Resort and Casino Las Vegas, there was no money for people to be able to perform normal, inexpensive bodily functions.

Sadly, Smathers was not able to obtain “personnel and medical files and similar files” using the FOIA, which sound enticing, but here are the e-mails and other things he did obtain!

Now to clever Mrs. Neely, who posted an entire photo album on Google+ called “MHotel@VegasNov2009,” which ABC News quite easily got its hands on. Here are some more pictures from that album:

has clearly never seen a marble countertop before, is thrilled

"this is so wrong!!!!!!!!"

"Sir, for you, we've got a deluxe suite with subdivision view"

Jeffrey Neely will probably continue to say nothing, but luckily we have heroic Google+, backing up private shit onto the Internet for the world, unbeknownst to most of that world, to say things on his behalf. KANPAI!

[ABC News, Muckrock]

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nounverb911 April 17, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Flushing "Ash Cans" down the toilet? I haven't seen that since college.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 2:30 pm

It's not as much fun since they installed low-volume toilets.

Damn eco-warriors….

Troglodeity April 17, 2012 at 2:19 pm

That bathtub picture: poster child for the shit-eating grin. What a giant douche.

WorkTheSaxofone April 17, 2012 at 2:26 pm

The gold chain around his hairy neck. Heartbreaking.

nounverb911 April 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Miss Lindsey wants him for her staff now.

Maman April 17, 2012 at 2:50 pm

The wine glasses should NOT be resting on the faucet. He is going to heat up the wine. He's a douche and a CRETIN

mavenmaven April 17, 2012 at 2:23 pm


V572 Fehrnstrom April 17, 2012 at 2:26 pm


mavenmaven April 17, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I think I would have preferred a different metaphor, honestly.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I believe our good friend V was channeling Glenn Beck here.

mavenmaven April 17, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I know of the line coming from right wing Christian apocalypse predictor Kay Arthur, but if Glenn Beck said it, screw him too.

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 2:32 pm

What, you don't think the Nazi contractors embezzled money by selling inferior cans (bottles? Kegs?) of Zyklon B?

Really, no, you're right. Too much oog in continuing this one to conclusion.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Understood. Just trying to capture the over-the-top nature of the faux outrage about this. Probably should’ve said it was the worst event since an asteroid in the Late Jurassic hit the Earth and wiped out most megafauna.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Or since humanity swung down from the trees, which is universally cited as the worst decision ever made by any sentient species.

Radiotherapy April 17, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Looks like his comment exploded.

Antispandex April 17, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Ok, the toilet bowl thing is easily explained. How it injured TWO people, a bit harder. Why we are provided with pictures of rich people spending peoples pension money for their own entertainment (especially when they aren't congresspersons) and have none of the toilet bowl accident, is hardest to explain of all. THAT'S entertainment.

CogitoErgoBibo April 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I'm presuming that Larry Craig was one of the injured parties, having successfully lured another government employee into his toe-tapping clutches. Otherwise, yeah, two people were injured?

Callyson April 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Actually, the Muckraker link said it happened to people on two different floors, hence it was two toilets. Making this understandable:

While the extent of the injuries is unstated in these exchanges, at least some of the employees saw the humor in the situation.
Employee email subjects included:
I am scared to pee..

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Sounds like GSA may have a Wonkerati mole.

Baconzgood April 17, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I may have mentioned this before but in High School a friend and I flushed a cherry bomb. Blew that shitter to pieces. Timing is key.

SorosBot April 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Someone did that at my high school; of course his ass got expelled immediately.

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Did they at least remove the porcelain chunks, after?

Baconzgood April 17, 2012 at 2:45 pm

We got out unscathed. The only people that saw/knew that we did it kept there lips tight because it was toooooo ballsy of a prank to pull. They didn't want us expelled because they wanted to see what we'd do to top exploding a commode.

chascates April 17, 2012 at 2:26 pm

The pay isn't as great as in the private sector but the benefits make up for it.

OzoneTom April 17, 2012 at 2:27 pm

At our school the intent was to blow-up the plumbing not the actual porcelain pony. We just had to use a longer fuse.

BlackRhino April 17, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Can we dropkick these assholes to Haiti?

freakishlywrong April 17, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I can't get past "Muckrock". It sounds dirty. But, then, it's late in the day and all.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 2:28 pm

That man looks like he could be Newt Gingrich's smarmier brother

Texan_Bulldog April 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

There's not much more of a turn off than a gold chain tangled up in a furry pelt. Combine that with a face like that & just…. gross.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

And that's what he wears for sexaytime. Imagine what he wears when he goes out hunting for poon. (yea, I know, his wife, but….)

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 9:03 am

That's one thing that really should have stayed in Vagas.

larryfinexx April 17, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Frat boy Bush has nostalgia for all those good times. Now he has to be more dignified as a former head of state.

DaRooster April 17, 2012 at 2:29 pm

M-80s go in, toilet goes up… who can explain it?

johnnymeatworth April 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Fuckin' M-80s, how do they work?

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Apparently, better than expected.

bagofmice April 17, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Apparently within the rubric of a multi-floor agreement.

Baconzgood April 17, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I just have to state that we should have used an M-80. A cherry bomb had too much gun powder.

Tundra Grifter April 17, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I understood the M-80 was the device of choice because they are waterproof.

Cherry bombs – often not so much.

EtchySketchy April 17, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Is that guy in the top photo pulling a shard of exploded toilet bowl from his skull?

Callyson April 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Mr. Neely bares a bit more in a photo collection on his wife’s Google+ page. There visitors can see photos of Neely staying in a luxurious suite at the M Resort Spa & Casino in November 2009, during one of the eight scouting and off-site pre-conference meetings to prepare for the October 2010 conference.

Eight?!? Who the hell needs eight trips to decide on a conference location?

The eight pre-conference trips alone cost the government $130,000, according to the GSA Inspector General’s investigation of the 2010 conference.

Christ, the wingnuts are going to have a field day with this crap…

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Eight?!? Who the hell needs eight trips to decide on a conference location?

I've married women with fewer visits than that.

HobbesEvilTwin April 17, 2012 at 4:40 pm

yes, wingnuttia will have a field day, but seriously, this dude should have resigned last week.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 2:32 pm

spent Monday testifying before Congress uselessly (he pled the Fifth).

OK, Liz, I have to ask, especially in light of that first pic:

Did he mean he was drunk or did he actually rely on the Constitution?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 9:08 am

Pleading the Fifth means he's got crimes to hide. He's going to be spending quality time with a whole platoon of investigators, after that maneuver.

Blueb4sunrise April 17, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Those are not the boobies I was looking for.

FakaktaSouth April 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I hate this as much for the thoughts of how much these 179Kmin/yr Congress-people get off on yelling at people and acting outraged about how ridiculous all this money is as I do for all the money these people got off on wasting. Go fuck yourselves. All of ya.

I bet it hurt when tub guy took that gold chain off. He's got all kinds of chest hair up in that thing. BLLLLLEEEEEHHHH.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Ohbrother….Jeffrey Neely has a thing for goats, too

finallyhappy April 17, 2012 at 8:30 pm

we had goats in the park near me in Montgomery County, MD some years ago- now they just use ride on mowers//

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

So what? A couple of government employees sought to imitate the greed and rapaciousness of the private sector. WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST THE INVISIBLE HAND!!??!??1'

OneYieldRegular April 17, 2012 at 2:35 pm

On the bright side, this should put a nail in the coffin for Vegas' "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" tourism marketing campaign.

hagajim April 17, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Can you all imagine what kind of bullshit they'd find, if they could ever figure out a way to audit the Pentagon. How many whorehouses and other boondoggles would come to light then? Hmmmm.

MissTaken April 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm

RE: Pic #3

Our hero smiles because he just let out a stinky wine and cheese fart and despite her best efforts, she can't avoid the stench.

Abbystinence April 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Is it true you judge a man's virility by the number of gold chains he can hide beneath his chest hair?

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm

No, not really. Or, in other words, not at all. To be more precise, no.

bagofmice April 17, 2012 at 2:50 pm

According to Burt, yes.

Mahousu April 17, 2012 at 2:41 pm

At least this puts the lie to all that talk that nobody ever uses Google%2B.

Mahousu April 17, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I did not realize it would be so hard to put a plus sign in a posting. No wonder Facebook is winning.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 9:12 am

╋ + ┼ ╋ ⧾ +

It's all in the wrist.

Pragmatist2 April 17, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I keep getting the GSA thing and the Secret Service thing mixed up. How many hookers at the GSA thing?

rickmaci April 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Why is that when I go to Vegas for a business meeting, I'm in a room with one king bed, a shower/tub and the window looks out on a wall? These DC Highlifers just make it too easy for the anti government mob.

finallyhappy April 17, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I went to Vegas for the gov't- stayed 4 blocks away from the main drag at some motel-the highlights were the room came with a microwave and mini fridge and CVS was down the block.

CogitoErgoBibo April 17, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Mrs. Neely's employer really should demand the password to that Google+ account. All the hip job-creators are doing it.

Steverino247 April 17, 2012 at 2:47 pm

On the first trip to scout the location, our civil servant was exposed to the top levels of perks offered by the hotels he was able to see. This turned his head completely because said perks are pretty damned cool. So, he scheduled another trip with some other hotels in mind to see what they might have to offer him. He took his wife along eventually, which may or may not have been on the government's dime. I was part of hotel selection for a conference (for a non-profit group not related to my employment), and I can tell you that hotels will do nice things for you if they think you can steer them business. It's just the way things work. This guy's possible crimes are: enjoying the perks too much and taking his wife along with him at goverment expense. That's about it from what I've seen so far. It looks bad, but this is a peek at how the 1% live every fucking day in this country, which is the real crime. You can't have the peasants enjoying first class accommodations that aren't meant for them. When you pay an extra dollar for some item in the store, well, it goes to some guy who lives like that.

Tundra Grifter April 17, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I think there is far more to this story than that. I'm thinking payoffs, bribes, cash-in-a-white-envelope type stuff.

Radiotherapy April 17, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Imagine the break out sessions and team building exercises.

Maman April 17, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Wow. Those landscapes make Nevada look like Eden.

Terry April 17, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Vacant tract housing as far as the eye can see.

Maman April 17, 2012 at 3:01 pm

And barely a lick of color. ugh

James Michael Curley April 17, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I have concluded I come from another universe. I do not want people knowing anything about me on Twitter, Facebook, Google Whatever and I have done nothing wrong. How can these empty brain buckets want to publicize their idiot transgressions.

fuflans April 17, 2012 at 2:55 pm

yeah you do. universe of 'cognitive thought'

James Michael Curley April 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Skinner's daughter didn't want anyone to know her. She kept trying to hide in a box.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 9:15 am

Was there a live/dead cat in it?

SayItWithWookies April 17, 2012 at 2:54 pm

These people are out there creating jobs and we're belittling them?! Come on, people — spending money is good. Besides, they seem to have had a helluva time.

Terry April 17, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Mr Neeley there does like a full glass. The next photo is of him with wine spilled down the front of him.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 17, 2012 at 3:05 pm

and him rubbing it into his gray-haired chest in a seductive manner

fuflans April 17, 2012 at 2:57 pm

i find an odd symmetry in the picture of bathtub Jeffrey Neely right beside the 'meet your meat' campaign.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 17, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Yeah…why do I get the feeling that the people that will really suffer for this outrageous waste will turn out to be kids on Medicaid and teachers in Duluth, not the assholes who actually wasted the money?

Local_Mojo April 17, 2012 at 3:09 pm

The government picked up my tab one night when I stayed in Kansas City at a PRETTY NICE airport Holiday Inn. I guess it would be hypocritical to say anything derogatory.

finallyhappy April 17, 2012 at 8:39 pm

every single Holiday Inn Express has the same hardboiled eggs- have you noticed that- ice cold and hard as a rock- but shelled.

Puffperney April 17, 2012 at 5:04 pm

We exploded a toilet in high school, by dropping carbide crystals in it (filched from the Chem. Lab) right after class end and just before the smokers went into the rest room. As soon as the first match or butt dropped into the toilet – Boom! Unfortunately, the boom was caused by the compression of someone's rear on the seat and a butt or match dropped between the legs into the bowl. ….just minor burns and a major fright though.

My H.S. friends and I have since reformed (after all that was in 1966).

Barrelhse April 17, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Don't reform, reload!

Toomush_Infer April 17, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Back when the organizations I worked for had government contracts, the government officials involved kept telling us that if we didn't spend it all, it would be harder to get as much next go-round….is this like that?… there's more story here….

Biel_ze_Bubba April 18, 2012 at 9:19 am

Same in business: I worked in a lab for a Fortune 500 company, and if there was money "left over" at the end of the budget year, the boss told us to go out and buy lots of shit we didn't need.

Come here a minute April 17, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Doing just a little bit of back-of-envelope math, it cost less than $2500 per person to attend this "outrageous waste of taxpayer dollars". Probably way less than the tuition at the equally wasteful stuff-money-into-defense-contractor-pockets anti-muslim "training" for the fine folks protecting our Homeland. But, hey, it's always fun to pile on the "bureaucrats".

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 12:44 am

I'm finding this so hard to be angry about. I said it on another thread, but will someone let me know when the Pentagon stops spending $2,000 a bulb on lightbulbs from defense contractors? Any waste is bad, but not all waste is equally bad, that's for damned sure. Of course, since the Republicans want to get rid of every department short of Defense, any waste in any other department is "outrageous." I mean, it's not like the GSA does anything important, right? Fuck.

ttommyunger April 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Ah yes, brings back memories of my seven years in GSA as part of their armed, uniformed Thug Force. I had made Lieutenant and was an Instructor at their Region 4 Academy on the Lockheed Complex in Marietta, Ga. Every year there was a mad dash for the GSA Store , Government Credit Card in hand when we learned the Fiscal Year was coming to a close and we hadn't spent all our money. New briefcases, sweat togs, etc. for all. Also the airport, if we hadn't spent all our travel moneez. Good times.

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