Man you guys, all the former GOP presidential candidates, like Herb Cain and Newt Gingrich and Ol’ Smegma Lips over there, are having such a hard time dealing with the cold FACT that they are losers, who lost, because people like them even less than they like Mitt Romney! Herb Cain is trying to keep himself relevant by throwing protests to which nobody comes (Bargaining); Rick Santorum still will not endorse that bastard Messican Lord Sir Hairgel His Willardness (Anger); and Newt Gingrich thinks he is still actually in the race (De Nile). We have forgotten about Steve Perry and Miranda Beckham, because who are they again? (Also, Ron Paul continues to not actually exist.)
Would you guess that spitty, sneery, smegmified loser Rick Santorum was going to hold a conference call with supporters and be a dick? YOU WOULD! Then you, unlike Rick Santorum, are a winner who wins things. YAY YOU!
Former presidential candidate Rick Santorum on Monday sounded no closer to endorsing Mitt Romney than when he dropped out of the presidential race last week, telling supporters on a conference call that he hasn’t even had a chance to speak to his onetime rival.
Santorum said he has talked with former House Speaker Newt Gingrich. “I haven’t had a chance yet to talk to Governor Romney, but we’ll be talking to both of them and we’re going to go out and do what we believe is in the best interest of our country,” Santorum said in the call, which had at least 4,000 participants at its peak, according to host and Santorum aide Mark Rodgers.
To crystallize the point that he isn’t going to make an endorsement in the immediate future, Santorum told his supporters that it was entirely up to them who to vote for in next week’s Pennsylvania primary. “I haven’t supported any candidate at this point,” he said.
Jesus, what did Mitt Romney ever do to this fucker, bone his wife? (No, he didn’t, because his penis is not stiff.) Anyway, Rick Santorum lost and will continue to lose forever and ever amen. [CBS]
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Wasn't Santorum behind the vicious penguin assault on Newt?
BURGESS MEREDITH LIBEL!
What, are we forgetting Danny DeVito here?
For some of us, there will only be one Penguin.
True dat.
MARIO LEMIEUX LIBEL!
Oh wait…
Yes, Danny DeVito. Does anyone care about the cheesy old show that was always shown in reruns on UHF weekday afternoons back in the day?
Ha Ha–no more Secret Service hooker parties for you guys!
Has Miche1e gone back to work yet?
"man shall not endorse with man as with woman."
….we’re going to go out and do what we believe is in the best interest of our country
GTFO.
And please, please DON'T show us your tits.
The Sour Grapes of Wrath
Boehner endorses Mitt Romney! That's one guy who can't stop crying giving the nod to a man who has never cried in his life.
Mitt cries every time he needs ice for his scotch.
Mormon, remember. He cries when he needs ice for his Yoohoo.
The more devious part of that joke: you missed it.
Wait, so they can drink chocolate?
Good point. Ok, a glass of lemon-lime soda taken from his year's worth of food hoarded in the basement.
Here's a question. If you are a bazillionaire like Romney with multiple homes and a Mormon, do you have to hoard a year's worth of food at each house? What if your hoard was in, say, the Boston area and you were at your manse overlooking the Pacific when the unthinkable happens. You can't send the staff back to Boston to get the stuff. You'd have to have caches at every house, wouldn't you?
Does a minor oil leak near the optical sensors count?
Mitt has the crucial carrot demographic locked in. No word yet on how he plans to win back caterpillars.
I think Mitt cried about his dog.
Errr… when people found out about his dog, I mean.
Santorum's waiting until he can go all Medieval on Romney's ass first.
Unfortunately, that means evolving out of the Dark Ages…
…or dragging the rest of us back to it.
The Early Middle Ages are the same as the Dark Ages. So, unless you mean that Santorum must evolve to the High Middle Ages, evolving is not required.
Santorum told his supporters that it was entirely up to them who to vote for in next week’s Pennsylvania primary.
Really says something about the caliber of your supporters that you have to instruct them on how voting works in a democracy.
He meant, "you can decide who to vote for…for now <<wink>>"
Santorum said in the call, which had at least 4,000 participants at its peak, according to host and Santorum aide Mark Rodgers.
Worst sex line evar.
Also, too, can you imagine if your job description was "Santorum Aide"? Sounds like a euphemism for "public bathroom jizz mopper"
In fairness, 3998 of them thought it was the Domino's pizza hotline
"Santorum Aide" could also be the worst possible carbonated beverage.
Other failed sodas:
Huntsman Dew
Gingrich Fizz
Herman Coke Cain
"You take Sally,
I'll take Sue,
Ain't no difference
Between the two.
Coke Cain,
runnin' all around my brain!"
Ahh, the dignity of a Gingrich kids' work program.
Man, I would rather hear from One L… this guy needs to drop off.
Li'l Ricky can't endorse Willard until he takes the time to clean up the Santorum he left all over the country.
the former Pennsylvania senator alluded to having plans to build a conservative movement outside of the framework of the presidential election
Sorry, Mr. Shit-for-Brains but the Koch brothers stable of losers is full.
I kind of like the fact that Rick is being a dick to Mittens. I hope they fight/squabble all the way to the convention.
Santorum told his supporters that it was entirely up to them who to vote for in next week’s Pennsylvania primary.
Golly that's big of him, allowing the electorate freedom of independent thought, and all.
So this is how the GOP goes out, not with a whimper, but a Santorum-covered bang.
"Bitter, party of one." "Bitter, party of one?"
Has Miche1e ever really worked?
Miranda Beckham was one of the Spice Girls. Became irrelevant before she turned 25.
VICTORIA ADAMS LIBEL!
Lets not forget Baby Spice, David Vitter.
My schaden is on auto-pilot.
Santorum said he has talked with former House Speaker Newt Gingrich
Oh good God, can you even imagine how self-centered and delusional that conversation went??
Santorum: "I have plans to build a conservative movement outside of the framework of the presidential election."
Gingrich: "I'm going to build colonies on the moon!"
Gingrich: "Now that my think tank has successfully reformed health care, I can turn my attention to the Moon."
"How am I? I'm fine, but enough about you, let's talk about me: what do you think of me?"
"I think I'm fine, thanks."
Reminds me of a line from In Treatment:
Only that character said it with self-awareness.
The hereto unseen convention of Solopsists.
Two total losers and has-beens, driven out of office for being national laughingstocks, each of whom somehow thinks they're still relevant; I'm surprised there's enough room for both those egos. Wonder if they stroked each other's dick?
Metaphorically, I mean!
They don't just think they are relevant, they think they are needed! They think that only they can save the world.
These are perfectly sound human beings we’re talking about here, right?
I don't think so…
Santorum. What a mess.
Your god has forsaken you Rick; ha ha!
Jinx! On some coke!
Sooooo Rick — rethinking any of that urging from The LORD to run for president? Like maybe it was just your own hubris talking? Just like it's been all your life? No? Yeah, it must be part of a big secret plan He has that just doesn't make any sense to us mortals, like it always does when it seems like just random things are happening — that's the ticket.
Like when she hammers the ever-living shit out of the Real American Heartland with death-winds.
Absolutely NOTHING to do with global warming, so it has to be god.
That's one of the great mysteries — why the distribution of godbothering bible-thumpers overlaps almost perfectly with Tornado Alley. (And the few who don't live there are clustered in hurricane territory.)
Where there are trailer parks, there are also high winds. I'm not sure which is cause and which effect.
I suppose, when you expect your home to be reduced to splinters on a regular basis, there's considerable motivation to live in a cheap one.*
So, oddly enough, it could be the wind causing the trailers.
*The likelihood of dying in a cheap one might explain the tendency to rely on an imaginary sky friend for comfort. So, contrary to conventional Xtard wisdom, it's tornadoes that plague us with God!
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW, RICK?
Tee-hee!
Endorsing a Mormon.
Drinking heavily.
I hate this fucking ass hole. I'm glad his 15 min are almost finished.
"It is a simple but sometimes forgotten truth that the greatest enemy to present joy and high hopes is the cultivation of retrospective bitterness."
Suck it, Santorum!
When he gets to the grief stage, it will not be complete until he realizes his life is a hollow lie.
Ron Paul and his army of 'tards have completely fallen off the radar, haven't they? I miss them, the strangest, craziest, and most delusional of all the GOP sects, but also, give them this, the smartest, they make the evangelicals and tea partiers look like drooling troglodites.
Some of them can even form sentences! Only some, though.
They were out in front of my Dairy Queen on Saturday. I wish I could describe how deep and satisfying my laugh was upon seeing them. reLOVEution!
One hopes the humiliation burns like hellfire. If I believed in hell, that is. ♪But Ricky does.♫
So, Mittens has got to acceptance?
Rebecca, you are so right: Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!
I don't have a problem. I could give up Wonkette any time. I have it totally under control.
Yeah. Me too.
(Sigh) Time to hire a ghostwriter for their campaign autobiographies (each of which will be titled Undefeated), then head over to Fox news to ink the deal on the commenter gig.
Bridges. Newt has burned them.
Rick Santorum, stop making your daughter cry!
Based on the past record of the aforementioned assholes and peculiarities of the GOPers, they'll never get to acceptance.
Santorum told his supporters that it was entirely up to them who to vote for in next week’s Pennsylvania primary.
"Fine, vote however you like, see if *I* care!"
Rick who?
Well, now we have a possible explanation for the USSS sex scandal. Can you imagine how repressed you'd be if you had to protect Santorum for that long? They had to explode (erupt? ejaculate?) somewhere after all that!
Why is it that all these wingnuts think god is trying to tell them to run, but don't take the hint when god tells them to lose? GOD WANTS YOU TO SHUT THE F&^K UP!!!!
God is an optimist, and passive-aggressive – can't bring Himself to tell Santy.
I wish the primaries ended like Oregon Trail. If Lil Ricky gets dysentery and dies, he's gone, never to be heard from again.
Republicans: Donner Party or GTFO.
Santorum/Palin 2016! The two rogues!!!
Palin/Santelli 2016
"we’re going to go out and do what we believe is in the best interest of our country"
Too late, asshole.
What move into a cave and never step foot in public evah again? We can but hope.
They all said god told them to run so they cannot understand why god played a practical joke on them.
Oh great Editrix – That Ol' Smegma Lips moniker just made my day! (Also made me glad I haven't eaten lunch yet)
More like the Dunning-Kruger stages of grief, honestly.
Well, except for Mittens. His are more like the Voight-Kampff stages.
Ricky has visions of powers akin to the fabled "Colbert Bump". Fuggitaboutit!
Rick's biggest fear is that http://blog.spreadingsantorum.com/ will start creeping back to the top of the Google results page. Because people paste links to it, you know, just about everywhere.
Rick Perry is not even worth a mention. That must hurt. I live in Austin, TX and I don't even know what he is doing these days.
You and Rick both.
Boys!
Applying paint remover to his Ni____head sign???
Who are these people again?
BREAKING: Santorum endorses Obama!!!!
If they're "going to go out and do what we believe is in the best interest of our country", there are unlimited possibilities here …
Their "God" is quite the kidder!
I do. Biff! Pow! Bonk! Splat! Santorum! (Hey – who got santorum in my batman rerun reverie?!)
Fear not, old chum.
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