next week: kangaroo testicles

Here Is a Political Blog Post About Dog Diarrhea

That is a master's course right there.

Diane Sawyer conducted an interview with Mitt and Ann Romney about Politics, a field of study concerning or generally related to how Mitt Romney treated his dog three decades ago when he callously strapped the animal’s carrier to the top of something, his head apparently. Some exciting new information has come to light in that field! Mitt and Ann Romney’s dog had diarrhea three decades ago because, quote, “he ate the turkey on the counter.” Let’s all of us everywhere across the wide Internet talk excitedly about dog poop! There are seven links in the text of that last sentence! Does everyone miss those ancient times last week when Politics was all about Colombian hookers yet?

Anyway, Ann Romney is even more of a hardened sociopath about torture than Dick Cheney, because even he doesn’t wander around telling teevee show hosts that the detainees really seemed to enjoy it:

ANN ROMNEY: The dog loved it. The dog was, like–

DIANE SAWYER: But the dog got sick, right?

ANN ROMNEY: Once, he– we traveled all the time and he– he ate the turkey on the counter. I mean, he had the runs. But– he would see that crate and, you know, he would, like, go crazy because he was going with us on vacation. It was to me a kinder thing to bring him along than to leave him in the kennel for t– in– in– in a kennel for two weeks, so.

Just lovely. Would you like to add anything to this interview for us to ignore, Mittens?

I think it’s unfair in this country that people– don’t feel there’s equal opportunity given the education failures and the fact that the Democratic party is so dominated by the teachers unions they’re not putting the kids ahead of the interests of this special interest group. That’s what’s unfair.

Oh right! Our crumbling public education system is the teachers’ fault. Wonder where he got that from? Whatever. Nevermind. [ABC News]

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103 comments

  1. Barb

    Ann is a stay at home mom. Couldn't the dog have stayed at home with a house sitter?

    I think the worst part of this is that Mitt says the dog was in an "airtight kennel" What kind of Nazi pet store sells airtight kennels?

      1. Barb

        Probably the same people who think it's okay to run a day care center with five refrigerators that don't run in their garage.

    1. Radiotherapy

      The Bergen-Belsen Mall has most of the big chain stores, and I hear the food court is to die for.

    2. SkinnyNerd

      Why. do. these. humanoids. not. put. their. dogbots. in. airtight. kennels? Stop. Does. not. compute. Stop.

    3. miss_grundy

      What a moron! If the kennel had been airtight Seamus would have died from lack of air. Does Mittens and Annie understand that dogs need to breathe to live? Let's stick both of them in crates, strap them to the roof of an SUV and speed down the highway. Perhaps their crates could be airtight. Comemierdas!

  2. Lascauxcaveman

    the education failures and the fact that the Democratic party is so dominated by the teachers unions they’re not putting the kids ahead of the interests of this special interest group.

    Blame the teachers. Or Canada.

    Whichever works for you.

  3. Serolf_Divad

    "It was to me a kinder thing to bring him along than to put him down, which was the original plan…"

    There, corrected.

      1. actor212

        Y'know, they've been conspicuously quiet on this.

        But damn, wear a fur on a cold winter's day and they're all over you like fucking zombies.

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      I also like the sociopathic lack of empathy: "he would see that crate and, you know, he would, like, go crazy"

      Yeah, like my parents cats go fucking crazy when they see the cat boxes, because they know it's going to be a really fun trip to the vet.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        "We had such a fun time getting him into the crate. He loved to play 'Hide and fight' with the kids, who used a large blanket to cuddle him up before shoving him in. Those were good times."

        1. actor212

          "Oh, sure, sometimes the play got a little rough, you know, the frequent accidental bite or clawing and all that HOWLING!

          But it was all high spirits, and boys will be boys! I should know, I'm a stay-at-home mom and therefore expert in boy psychology!"

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            "But you know, Tagg or Track or Tripper (hard to tell them apart, there's so damn many of them) would get that dog in a choke-hold and snuff the fight out of him. Then it's into the box, doggie. Whee!"

      2. Biff

        My cat hated the crate, so I tried him without it. He managed to find the power window switch in his drugged stupor. That was when I decided to leave him at just one of my homes when I travelled for work.

  4. Schmannnity

    Indeed. Let's abolish the Department of Education and public education completely, then boys will be free to go to Belmont Hill and girls can go to Miss Porter's.

  5. ThankYouJeebus

    Let us not forget that the Louis Vuitton luggage was warm and safe inside the car.

    I have a feeling the dressage horses had better travel quarters.

  6. freakishlywrong

    Did he do that awful hate-laugh? I can't watch him anymore, and am unsure of how the fuck I'm going to get to November, with the hate-laugh.

    Edit: That pic will help.

    1. fuflans

      yeah i really thought there was no way he could enrage me as much as the other wingtard loons.

      but i was wrong.

  7. actor212

    Right. Every dog loves car surfing.

    Dogs are idiots. They'd love being hung by their balls if they got a rawhide bone afterwards. That doesn't change the fact that IT'S ANIMAL CRUELTY, you fucking robotic leeches!

  8. SorosBot

    Yes, it can be nice to take the dog on vacation with you; but then he goes in the car, you stupid fucknut, not in a crate strapped to the roof. What the fuck is wrong with these people? I mean,m other than a lack of basic human decency.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    So Ann Romney is hardworking and imparts dignity to — uh — whatever it is she does, but teachers (who as far as I'm concerned have one of the most challenging and thankless jobs going) are constant fuck-ups who are destroying our education system, is that right? Fuck it, I'm just going back to Ann Romney hasn't worked a day in her life.

  10. Barb

    The dog ate the turkey on the counter and got the green apple splatters? I'm no Martha Stewart, but I am pretty sure turkey should be kept chilled.

    The dog "loved it" I can't tell you how many times on vacation I've turned to Jeff and said, "I wish we had diarrhea."

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      My thoughts exactly. Think of the fun if the Romney clan had chowed down before setting off in the car — the dog probably would have ended up wishing it were riding on the roof!

      1. Barb

        Actor212, I like to stop at food trucks and ask, "is your soup thickened with Vaseline?" I'll have two bowls for here and two to go, please!

  11. BlueStateLibel

    Who wouldn't love being put in a crate and strapped to the top of a car going 60 – 70 mph, enjoying the tractor trailers whizzing up, gasoline fumes, and dust and debris flying in your face?!?

  12. CogitoErgoBibo

    Not content to let us know that he strapped the dog to the roof, he now lets us know that he "did it all the time," including that one occasion the dog was forced to sit in his own filth for hours at a time.

    Way to double down, Mittens. SPCA on line two.

  13. Mumbletypeg

    *Knock knock* / *tailthump*
    "Who's there?"
    "Woo–"
    "Woo who?"
    "Woofin' and huffin' cause I'm runnin' out of air up here!"
    "Sorry — I don't speak setter-ese. Ann would you turn up the radio up some more dear…"
    *Knock* … *thump* ..*knock* …

  14. donner_froh

    Fuck it. This country is doomed. Romney isn't just a servant of the ruling class or the 1%–he is part of it. He is a fucking plutocrat but working (and formerly working) people in Amerikkka are going to vote for him. Insane.

    1. Negropolis

      People in America will, in fact, vote for Romney…and an even larger slice of America will vote for the current president.

  15. starfanglednut

    The fact remains, no matter how the dog got sick, that they hosed him off, and put him back on the roof, showing more regard for the car and their luggage than for the animal's well being. You cant't spin this Mittens, so just give up.

  16. meatpuppet2

    I can't believe, with all the fresh new diarrhea he and his wife spew daily, something that happened with his dog 30 years ago is what continues to stick to the wall.

    Don't get me wrong, I savor every moment but there are so many fresh new savory moments to enjoy as well.

    1. actor212

      It sums his entire adult life in a nutshell, tho: complete disregard for people (or in this case, an animal) who can't speak up for themselves, a blindingly idiotic denseness to the public perception of said act (think about that whole "Dad sent jobs to Wisconsin" 'joke'), the culpability of his entire family in forming a wall of denial surrounding the incident, and the single-minded exceptionalism needed to even concoct the idea in the first place.

  17. gullywompr

    Look, everbody knows why Republicans hate teachers, and it has nothing to do with unions or taxes. It's because they are stupid and therefore unable pass through the experience of education without being humiliated. Then after completing school, they discovered a whole political party of flunkies just like them, gleefully spouting the exact opposite of truth, and in that reverse-mirror-world, they can think of themselves as intelligent, and able to achieve the wealth this nation promises without that worthless degree. No wonder the 1% loves them.

  18. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Between this, and a so-called journalist bitching about Chelsea not spilling her guts about personal crap from a decade ago, I have to say that what passes for journalism today is largely pure, unadulterated shit. Mike Wallace checked out just in time.

  19. Oblios_Cap

    I believe that Bishop Willard tied the dog to the roof of his car wholly in accordance with the teachings of the Book of Morons Mormon. I'm sure the dog is supposed to elevated above the womenfolk.

  20. memzilla

    The biggest failure in education is that Joe Lunchbox does not understand economics… so much so that he would vote for a vulture capitalist like Rmoney, not understanding that his agenda is to reverse FDR's New Deal.

  21. MissTaken

    Teachers are good. One thing I learned from my teachers is to be nice to animals. I guess Mitt and Ann were out sick that day of school.

  22. elgin_pelican

    Even as we speak, zombie Mike Wallace is arranging an interview with the guy who was driving behind Mittens.

  23. oldbitter

    We always strap our dogs to the roof when we go camping. They love it and it frees up room for the Booze Cooler. WIN WIN!

  24. Radiotherapy

    What kind of idiot straps a dog with diarrhea to the roof of a car? They could have lined the kennel with hundred dollar bills and it wouldn't be more cruel and indefensible. It's Palinesque in its stupidity. I'm seriously thinking this robot clan is infected with hookworms too.

  25. Mahousu

    ANN ROMNEY: But– he would see that crate and, you know, he would, like, go crazy because he was going with us on vacation. He'd start howling, and play games like "hide under the bed where they can't get me" and "dig my claws into the carpet" and "please for the love of God don't stick me into that death chamber again." Honestly, sometimes the dog was so excited he voided himself before Mitt and the boys could get him in the crate! Ah, fun times …

    1. occupypcas

      You said exactly what I was thinking ……. he would go "crazy?" Lady, there is something wrong with BOTH of you. You did this all the time? Did the dog go crazy every time you brought the crate out? DUH?

  26. ttommyunger

    Some people have pets for the luvz, some have them as an accoutrement. Times like those described in this piece let us know which is which.

  27. wood50

    But at least Mitt coould baptize the poor thing so he could have all the Kibbles he wanted in "Moran" Dog Heaven!

    If a Mormon dog is neutered as a pup, does he get 72 virgin bitches when he goes to Ladder Dog Saint Heaven? Since he never had the fun of leg humping Mitt? Not too sure about Ann or her legs, though!

  28. SheriffRoscoe

    "Dog sees the crate and gets excited because he knows he's going on vacation…"

    Yeah, it was just the terrifying ride on the car roof part that spoiled it, Ann. Stupid cunt.

  29. owhatever

    It's kind of weird for Mormons to even have dogs, since Brigham Young promised that when the Borg returns to Missouri, there won't be a yellow dog left to wag its tail. I mean, what's the point? Seamus is for the shredder eventually anyway.

  30. DemmeFatale

    I don't understand all this hate for kennels. Worked in a very basic one in England when I was 14, and saw lots of happy dogs.
    Surely they could afford a really ritzy one.
    Don't flatter yourself, Ann. He would have been happy in a kennel or with a dog-sitter.
    (Jeez, he should have had a vacation, too!)

  31. chascates

    Ghandi said you could judge a country by how they treat their animals. I think you can judge a politician the same way. And how they would run the country.

  32. Dr. Nick Riviera

    My favorite part was when he said he wouldn't do it again because the nasty peoples keep talking about it.

  33. AutomaticPilot

    It was to me a kinder thing to bring him along than to leave him in the kennel for t– in– in– in a kennel for two weeks, so.

    You just know she was going to say "two months," but caught herself just in time when she realized not everyone can take a vacation for two months.

  34. portermelmoth

    I sense that the gruesome truth of this whole pathetic affair could be told by those Romneyettes who occupied the festival seating that pushed the station wagon to such over-capacity. That is, The Children! I mean, what red-blooded American kid wouldn’t want the cheerful family pup in with the rest of the gang, no matter how crowded the passage?

    I can only give these Innocents the benefit of the doubt, as the reign of Chief Martial Law Administrator Willard Romney must’ve struck terror in their fainting souls every day.

    And another thing. I don’t remember if Das Mittwagen was a Chevy or a Ford, but I know that it was NOT a Rambler, or even an Ambassador wagon – which has enough room for the whole darn tribe. So much for Mitt’s family loyalty. How could he dishonor his dad like that?

    Aside from that very becoming strap-on dog carrier, I suspect that Mittens would look good in one of those highrise Nazi general’s hats.

  35. MilwaukeeKent

    Dog had runs. Indeed, before or after you had him on the roof going 80? You're Americans, you could have all taken seperate cars and called a cab for the dog, for Pete's sake (who's this Pete he keeps talking about? Hoekstra?). Imagine being in the car behind them on the highway, "What the hell are these brown splotches? Wiper and wash? Damn, it's just making it worse! Christ! Thelma, wake up, look at this! Dog on the damned car roof and it's shitting up a storm!…"

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