NEXT WEEK: KANGAROO TESTICLES  12:28 pm April 17, 2012

Here Is a Political Blog Post About Dog Diarrhea

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

That is a master's course right there.

Diane Sawyer conducted an interview with Mitt and Ann Romney about Politics, a field of study concerning or generally related to how Mitt Romney treated his dog three decades ago when he callously strapped the animal’s carrier to the top of something, his head apparently. Some exciting new information has come to light in that field! Mitt and Ann Romney’s dog had diarrhea three decades ago because, quote, “he ate the turkey on the counter.” Let’s all of us everywhere across the wide Internet talk excitedly about dog poop! There are seven links in the text of that last sentence! Does everyone miss those ancient times last week when Politics was all about Colombian hookers yet?

Anyway, Ann Romney is even more of a hardened sociopath about torture than Dick Cheney, because even he doesn’t wander around telling teevee show hosts that the detainees really seemed to enjoy it:

ANN ROMNEY: The dog loved it. The dog was, like–

DIANE SAWYER: But the dog got sick, right?

ANN ROMNEY: Once, he– we traveled all the time and he– he ate the turkey on the counter. I mean, he had the runs. But– he would see that crate and, you know, he would, like, go crazy because he was going with us on vacation. It was to me a kinder thing to bring him along than to leave him in the kennel for t– in– in– in a kennel for two weeks, so.

Just lovely. Would you like to add anything to this interview for us to ignore, Mittens?

I think it’s unfair in this country that people– don’t feel there’s equal opportunity given the education failures and the fact that the Democratic party is so dominated by the teachers unions they’re not putting the kids ahead of the interests of this special interest group. That’s what’s unfair.

Oh right! Our crumbling public education system is the teachers’ fault. Wonder where he got that from? Whatever. Nevermind. [ABC News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 103 comments }

Midway117 April 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Seamus provides Mittbot with his grocery scanner moment. And the crowd goes wild (yay).

Barb April 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Ann is a stay at home mom. Couldn't the dog have stayed at home with a house sitter?

I think the worst part of this is that Mitt says the dog was in an "airtight kennel" What kind of Nazi pet store sells airtight kennels?

Steverino247 April 17, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Which object does not exist. Who the fuck would buy such a thing?

Barb April 17, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Probably the same people who think it's okay to run a day care center with five refrigerators that don't run in their garage.

freakishlywrong April 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Er…Mittens!

Lascauxcaveman April 17, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Schroedinger's dog.

Definitely dead.

Maman April 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Not until you peek!

gullywompr April 17, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Half dead.

proudgrampa April 17, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Half alive.

mavenmaven April 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm

skintight kennel sounds more republican.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

It's a new product from the Slater/Nazi Laboratories, actually

Radiotherapy April 17, 2012 at 12:50 pm

The Bergen-Belsen Mall has most of the big chain stores, and I hear the food court is to die for.

SkinnyNerd April 17, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Why. do. these. humanoids. not. put. their. dogbots. in. airtight. kennels? Stop. Does. not. compute. Stop.

miss_grundy April 17, 2012 at 9:56 pm

What a moron! If the kennel had been airtight Seamus would have died from lack of air. Does Mittens and Annie understand that dogs need to breathe to live? Let's stick both of them in crates, strap them to the roof of an SUV and speed down the highway. Perhaps their crates could be airtight. Comemierdas!

Lascauxcaveman April 17, 2012 at 12:32 pm

the education failures and the fact that the Democratic party is so dominated by the teachers unions they’re not putting the kids ahead of the interests of this special interest group.

Blame the teachers. Or Canada.

Whichever works for you.

Serolf_Divad April 17, 2012 at 12:32 pm

"It was to me a kinder thing to bring him along than to put him down, which was the original plan…"

There, corrected.

Texan_Bulldog April 17, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Nice job admitting you strapped your dog to the roof of your car 'all the time.'

nounverb911 April 17, 2012 at 12:34 pm

PETA protest in 3…2…1….

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Y'know, they've been conspicuously quiet on this.

But damn, wear a fur on a cold winter's day and they're all over you like fucking zombies.

OneDollarJuana April 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

That's because PETA is a Nazi organization.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I also like the sociopathic lack of empathy: "he would see that crate and, you know, he would, like, go crazy"

Yeah, like my parents cats go fucking crazy when they see the cat boxes, because they know it's going to be a really fun trip to the vet.

Generation[redacted] April 17, 2012 at 12:40 pm

"We had such a fun time getting him into the crate. He loved to play 'Hide and fight' with the kids, who used a large blanket to cuddle him up before shoving him in. Those were good times."

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 12:42 pm

"Oh, sure, sometimes the play got a little rough, you know, the frequent accidental bite or clawing and all that HOWLING!

But it was all high spirits, and boys will be boys! I should know, I'm a stay-at-home mom and therefore expert in boy psychology!"

Lascauxcaveman April 17, 2012 at 12:57 pm

"But you know, Tagg or Track or Tripper (hard to tell them apart, there's so damn many of them) would get that dog in a choke-hold and snuff the fight out of him. Then it's into the box, doggie. Whee!"

Biff April 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm

My cat hated the crate, so I tried him without it. He managed to find the power window switch in his drugged stupor. That was when I decided to leave him at just one of my homes when I travelled for work.

Schmannnity April 17, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Indeed. Let's abolish the Department of Education and public education completely, then boys will be free to go to Belmont Hill and girls can go to Miss Porter's.

nounverb911 April 17, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Aren't all blogs (except this one) about dog diarrhea?

Mkloz April 17, 2012 at 12:34 pm

As I read this post, I'm eating a turkey sando (off the counter) for lunch. Uh oh…

ThankYouJeebus April 17, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Let us not forget that the Louis Vuitton luggage was warm and safe inside the car.

I have a feeling the dressage horses had better travel quarters.

Blueb4sunrise April 17, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Yeah, was thinking it'd be difficult to strap one of those horses to the roof.

Mahousu April 17, 2012 at 12:57 pm

You wouldn't want those Austrian warmbloods to get cold.

freakishlywrong April 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Did he do that awful hate-laugh? I can't watch him anymore, and am unsure of how the fuck I'm going to get to November, with the hate-laugh.

Edit: That pic will help.

DemmeFatale April 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I LOVE that pic!
(It may just replace the crying Santorum as my fave!)

fuflans April 17, 2012 at 6:17 pm

yeah i really thought there was no way he could enrage me as much as the other wingtard loons.

but i was wrong.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Right. Every dog loves car surfing.

Dogs are idiots. They'd love being hung by their balls if they got a rawhide bone afterwards. That doesn't change the fact that IT'S ANIMAL CRUELTY, you fucking robotic leeches!

Exhausted66 April 17, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Obammerz Calls Dogs Idiotz!

SorosBot April 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Yes, it can be nice to take the dog on vacation with you; but then he goes in the car, you stupid fucknut, not in a crate strapped to the roof. What the fuck is wrong with these people? I mean,m other than a lack of basic human decency.

mavenmaven April 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

This is good news for Gail Collins.

Gratuitous World April 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Ann is just like us – they can afford car elevators + canine translators.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Yes, apparently being a stay-at-home mom also makes you qualified to be a dog whisperer.

Maman April 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Excellent, both Mitt and Ann are talking dog shit.

SayItWithWookies April 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm

So Ann Romney is hardworking and imparts dignity to — uh — whatever it is she does, but teachers (who as far as I'm concerned have one of the most challenging and thankless jobs going) are constant fuck-ups who are destroying our education system, is that right? Fuck it, I'm just going back to Ann Romney hasn't worked a day in her life.

ThankYouJeebus April 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Even Michael Vick thinks that is fucked up.

Barb April 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm

The dog ate the turkey on the counter and got the green apple splatters? I'm no Martha Stewart, but I am pretty sure turkey should be kept chilled.

The dog "loved it" I can't tell you how many times on vacation I've turned to Jeff and said, "I wish we had diarrhea."

Biel_ze_Bubba April 17, 2012 at 12:41 pm

My thoughts exactly. Think of the fun if the Romney clan had chowed down before setting off in the car — the dog probably would have ended up wishing it were riding on the roof!

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Why, indeed! Some of my best vacations involved dysentery….

Barb April 17, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Actor212, I like to stop at food trucks and ask, "is your soup thickened with Vaseline?" I'll have two bowls for here and two to go, please!

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Oh, I prefer the more exotic "Do you have shellfish at your lovely roadside taco stand by the town dump?"

Arken April 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm

He loved it! Those are high-pitched yelps of happiness!

CivilMcMannerly April 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Ann Romney is into dog on man type of stuff… I'm starting to like her.

IncenseDebate April 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Who gives a Santorum?

BlueStateLibel April 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Who wouldn't love being put in a crate and strapped to the top of a car going 60 – 70 mph, enjoying the tractor trailers whizzing up, gasoline fumes, and dust and debris flying in your face?!?

el_donaldo April 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Well, if you trust Ann, the dog is not the only thing Mitt needs to strap on.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

You think they bought a matching pair?

donner_froh April 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Blame the teachers for bad schools, blame the dog for getting sick while strapped to the car. Typical Republican.

CogitoErgoBibo April 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Not content to let us know that he strapped the dog to the roof, he now lets us know that he "did it all the time," including that one occasion the dog was forced to sit in his own filth for hours at a time.

Way to double down, Mittens. SPCA on line two.

ManchuCandidate April 17, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Wait till they find out about his trip to WallyWorld and how it ended up with him facing off against a SWAT team armed with a BB pistol.

YasserArraFeck April 17, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Romney/A Human '12 – "A chicken in Every Pot, A Dog on Every Roof"

Exhausted66 April 17, 2012 at 1:09 pm

"A Human?"
That's presumptuous.

Mumbletypeg April 17, 2012 at 12:41 pm

*Knock knock* / *tailthump*
"Who's there?"
"Woo–"
"Woo who?"
"Woofin' and huffin' cause I'm runnin' out of air up here!"
"Sorry — I don't speak setter-ese. Ann would you turn up the radio up some more dear…"
*Knock* … *thump* ..*knock* …

SayItWithWookies April 17, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I wonder what happens when they fly somewhere.

donner_froh April 17, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Fuck it. This country is doomed. Romney isn't just a servant of the ruling class or the 1%–he is part of it. He is a fucking plutocrat but working (and formerly working) people in Amerikkka are going to vote for him. Insane.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 1:57 am

People in America will, in fact, vote for Romney…and an even larger slice of America will vote for the current president.

RedneckMuslin April 17, 2012 at 12:42 pm

The dog had diarhea and they decided to strap it above their heads?

Oblios_Cap April 17, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Even then, Willard was a trickle-down kinda guy…

starfanglednut April 17, 2012 at 12:42 pm

The fact remains, no matter how the dog got sick, that they hosed him off, and put him back on the roof, showing more regard for the car and their luggage than for the animal's well being. You cant't spin this Mittens, so just give up.

meatpuppet2 April 17, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I can't believe, with all the fresh new diarrhea he and his wife spew daily, something that happened with his dog 30 years ago is what continues to stick to the wall.

Don't get me wrong, I savor every moment but there are so many fresh new savory moments to enjoy as well.

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 12:50 pm

It sums his entire adult life in a nutshell, tho: complete disregard for people (or in this case, an animal) who can't speak up for themselves, a blindingly idiotic denseness to the public perception of said act (think about that whole "Dad sent jobs to Wisconsin" 'joke'), the culpability of his entire family in forming a wall of denial surrounding the incident, and the single-minded exceptionalism needed to even concoct the idea in the first place.

gullywompr April 17, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Look, everbody knows why Republicans hate teachers, and it has nothing to do with unions or taxes. It's because they are stupid and therefore unable pass through the experience of education without being humiliated. Then after completing school, they discovered a whole political party of flunkies just like them, gleefully spouting the exact opposite of truth, and in that reverse-mirror-world, they can think of themselves as intelligent, and able to achieve the wealth this nation promises without that worthless degree. No wonder the 1% loves them.

Oblios_Cap April 17, 2012 at 1:06 pm

"Bizarro World"

IncenseDebate April 17, 2012 at 12:44 pm

What's the fecal matter with them?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 17, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Between this, and a so-called journalist bitching about Chelsea not spilling her guts about personal crap from a decade ago, I have to say that what passes for journalism today is largely pure, unadulterated shit. Mike Wallace checked out just in time.

Oblios_Cap April 17, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I believe that Bishop Willard tied the dog to the roof of his car wholly in accordance with the teachings of the Book of Morons Mormon. I'm sure the dog is supposed to elevated above the womenfolk.

memzilla April 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

The biggest failure in education is that Joe Lunchbox does not understand economics… so much so that he would vote for a vulture capitalist like Rmoney, not understanding that his agenda is to reverse FDR's New Deal.

MissTaken April 17, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Teachers are good. One thing I learned from my teachers is to be nice to animals. I guess Mitt and Ann were out sick that day of school.

SorosBot April 17, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Your teachers taught you empathy? But that's socialism!

elgin_pelican April 17, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Even as we speak, zombie Mike Wallace is arranging an interview with the guy who was driving behind Mittens.

oldbitter April 17, 2012 at 12:56 pm

We always strap our dogs to the roof when we go camping. They love it and it frees up room for the Booze Cooler. WIN WIN!

Radiotherapy April 17, 2012 at 12:59 pm

What kind of idiot straps a dog with diarrhea to the roof of a car? They could have lined the kennel with hundred dollar bills and it wouldn't be more cruel and indefensible. It's Palinesque in its stupidity. I'm seriously thinking this robot clan is infected with hookworms too.

Steverino247 April 17, 2012 at 12:59 pm

New bumper sticker:

ROMNEY: For shits and giggles

Baconzgood April 17, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Damn clients ruining my snark time. BASTARDS!

Mahousu April 17, 2012 at 1:04 pm

ANN ROMNEY: But– he would see that crate and, you know, he would, like, go crazy because he was going with us on vacation. He'd start howling, and play games like "hide under the bed where they can't get me" and "dig my claws into the carpet" and "please for the love of God don't stick me into that death chamber again." Honestly, sometimes the dog was so excited he voided himself before Mitt and the boys could get him in the crate! Ah, fun times …

occupypcas April 17, 2012 at 6:28 pm

You said exactly what I was thinking ……. he would go "crazy?" Lady, there is something wrong with BOTH of you. You did this all the time? Did the dog go crazy every time you brought the crate out? DUH?

ttommyunger April 17, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Some people have pets for the luvz, some have them as an accoutrement. Times like those described in this piece let us know which is which.

wood50 April 17, 2012 at 1:09 pm

But at least Mitt coould baptize the poor thing so he could have all the Kibbles he wanted in "Moran" Dog Heaven!

If a Mormon dog is neutered as a pup, does he get 72 virgin bitches when he goes to Ladder Dog Saint Heaven? Since he never had the fun of leg humping Mitt? Not too sure about Ann or her legs, though!

SheriffRoscoe April 17, 2012 at 1:14 pm

"Dog sees the crate and gets excited because he knows he's going on vacation…"

Yeah, it was just the terrifying ride on the car roof part that spoiled it, Ann. Stupid cunt.

owhatever April 17, 2012 at 1:22 pm

It's kind of weird for Mormons to even have dogs, since Brigham Young promised that when the Borg returns to Missouri, there won't be a yellow dog left to wag its tail. I mean, what's the point? Seamus is for the shredder eventually anyway.

SkinnyNerd April 17, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Lighten up people, it is like a convertible for dogs!

prommie April 17, 2012 at 1:29 pm

But when, when will Chelsea Clinton finally tell us what she thinks of the dogshit?

DemmeFatale April 17, 2012 at 2:04 pm

I don't understand all this hate for kennels. Worked in a very basic one in England when I was 14, and saw lots of happy dogs.
Surely they could afford a really ritzy one.
Don't flatter yourself, Ann. He would have been happy in a kennel or with a dog-sitter.
(Jeez, he should have had a vacation, too!)

chascates April 17, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Ghandi said you could judge a country by how they treat their animals. I think you can judge a politician the same way. And how they would run the country.

Dr. Nick Riviera April 17, 2012 at 3:57 pm

My favorite part was when he said he wouldn't do it again because the nasty peoples keep talking about it.

AutomaticPilot April 17, 2012 at 4:55 pm

It was to me a kinder thing to bring him along than to leave him in the kennel for t– in– in– in a kennel for two weeks, so.

You just know she was going to say "two months," but caught herself just in time when she realized not everyone can take a vacation for two months.

cheaphits April 17, 2012 at 5:29 pm

"Don't you people understand? I OWNED ol' Seamus…I bought his food, well until I had to fire him."

DahBoner April 18, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Sorry, you can't fire a dog that quit…

mrivers459 April 17, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Yeah, but dogs are people, too [My Friend].

portermelmoth April 17, 2012 at 8:07 pm

I sense that the gruesome truth of this whole pathetic affair could be told by those Romneyettes who occupied the festival seating that pushed the station wagon to such over-capacity. That is, The Children! I mean, what red-blooded American kid wouldn’t want the cheerful family pup in with the rest of the gang, no matter how crowded the passage?

I can only give these Innocents the benefit of the doubt, as the reign of Chief Martial Law Administrator Willard Romney must’ve struck terror in their fainting souls every day.

And another thing. I don’t remember if Das Mittwagen was a Chevy or a Ford, but I know that it was NOT a Rambler, or even an Ambassador wagon – which has enough room for the whole darn tribe. So much for Mitt’s family loyalty. How could he dishonor his dad like that?

Aside from that very becoming strap-on dog carrier, I suspect that Mittens would look good in one of those highrise Nazi general’s hats.

BZ1 April 17, 2012 at 10:55 pm

The "dog loved it", oh come on, you don't poop all over over the car as a sign of love …

DahBoner April 18, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Note to Activists: Show Your Love to Cars With Romney 2012 Bumperstickers!!!

MilwaukeeKent April 18, 2012 at 12:13 am

Dog had runs. Indeed, before or after you had him on the roof going 80? You're Americans, you could have all taken seperate cars and called a cab for the dog, for Pete's sake (who's this Pete he keeps talking about? Hoekstra?). Imagine being in the car behind them on the highway, "What the hell are these brown splotches? Wiper and wash? Damn, it's just making it worse! Christ! Thelma, wake up, look at this! Dog on the damned car roof and it's shitting up a storm!…"

valthemus April 18, 2012 at 2:34 am

"NEXT WEEK: KANGAROO TESTICLES"

Promise? That sounds so much more appealing than more about Ann Romney.

Buckminster April 18, 2012 at 12:14 pm

After reading that article, I just want to strangle someone.

DahBoner April 18, 2012 at 12:53 pm

The dog loved it

That's why he ran off after you got there?
http://www.forbes.com/sites/frederickallen/2012/0

Mmmmkay…

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: