What Is Chelsea Clinton Hiding About Monica Lewinsky?

Everyone knows that Chelsea Clinton is the world's most boring human being -- though she did grow up to be quite a fetching member of the female species, suck it Rush Limbaugh. She is even more boring than Luke Russert, and possibly has less-notable insights! But were you aware that the reason she is such a flop on NBC, which hired her for "journalism," is not that she is not particularly a journalist, or experienced, or fluffed up by her famous name to a rank she might have actually earned someday -- no, it is only those things a little bit! The real reason, according to Buzzfeed, is because she will not tell us how it felt to be a 13-year-old whose Dad was getting impeached by Newt Gingrich for cigar-banging a plump luscious vixen, "claiming" that it's "none of our business." Buzzfeed has some well-considered and not at all creepy thoughts on this!

Almost everyone I spoke to for this story—from within NBC and at other networks as well—agree that that problem is that she won’t talk about the one thing that makes her undeniably compelling. How did it feel to be Chelsea Clinton during the Monica years? In the past, she’s responded angrily to that question. “It’s none of your business,” she told an audience after being questioned about it on the 2008 campaign trail.

Until she’s willing to answer the Monica question, or any real question—to finally open her soul to public view, paying the required tribute to the media gods, to have her Oprah moment —it’s unlikely she’ll be given a warm public embrace. “Is she just boring,” wonders the NBC exec. “Or can she come out of her shell?”

The days of Chelsea having it both ways are over. It’s one thing to want your total privacy, and stay totally private; it’s another thing to want your total privacy while reaping all the rewards and privileges that contemporary celebrity has to offer.

So weird! Buzzfeed is able to find lots of NBC execs to say all kinds of shit about how terrible and boring Chelsea Clinton is, in lots of quotes! But whenever this excellent and hard-hitting article talks about how it's because she won't comment on super-relevant and timely Monica Lewinsky, there are no quotes around it, almost as if it's just reporter Michael Hastings' opinion that we all have some weird, creepy, prurient right to know about Chelsea's feelings on her philanderdad.

In other important journalism news, David Gregory was butthurt that he did not get a swag bag of 30 Rock merch, because priorities. [ Buzzfeed ]