HAMMERTIME  3:37 pm April 18, 2012

Florida Stops Dancing Thugs From Destroying Town

by Erik Jay

smoove criminalWeston, Florida – Floridians can breathe a sigh of relief and unlock their doors at night. There is no more need for police officers, and every senior citizen is now safe without the threat of being eaten by rap zombies. How did Weston create such an amazing utopia for its residents? How did they erase all crime and cause everyone to live in peace and harmony? Did they steal the playbook from Hidden Valley? The answer has been there the entire time and leaders around the world are kicking themselves in the asses for not thinking of it first. The answer to stopping all crime is to stop all dancing.

The mayor of Weston, Eric Hersh, handed down the decision recently, according to the Sun-Sentinel. The mayor said, “This is something that we thought would protect the city.” There have been more recorded incidents of violent dance related deaths in Weston in one day than all violent crimes combined throughout the country. The mayor didn’t have to think very hard to come up with the answer to the city’s crime issues.

Could dancing actually be the issue behind the crime happening in Weston? Dancing seems to only be the start. After much investigation into the horrific entertainment-related atrocities, it was discovered that criminal empires were popping up on almost every street corner. Empires such as roller skating rinks, discos and anywhere people are happy have become recognized as a threat to all. The move to halt these criminal empires has begun ridding the city of loathsome characters who wish to continue parading their disco deviance.

Residents who miss the crime can still go to neighboring Davie or Pembroke Pines for some forbidden lambadas. Both cities have skating rinks and nightclubs and cater to ‘those people.’ Weston stands strong in its decision, citing alcohol and drug use reported near or around some night clubs. It takes a strong leader to make a bold move against criminal entertainment king pins in small towns. [Sun Sentinel]

 

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{ 175 comments }

nounverb911 April 18, 2012 at 3:39 pm

This is bad news for Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

Ruhe April 18, 2012 at 4:05 pm

No, it's okay. They're in Heaven already…and not just 'cause they're dancing cheek to cheek.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Nah. They're dancing in heaven-and-hell, now. Apparently, hell has some nice dance halls.

meatlofer April 18, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Dance till your crotch stinks!

OneDollarJuana April 18, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Dang. That means I'll never dance.

Barb April 18, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I'm dancing as fast as I can't.

DaRooster April 18, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Footloose Libel!

nounverb911 April 18, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Paging Kevin Bacon, paging Kevin Bacon.

iburl April 18, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Florida, where Alzheimers disease is actually a requirement for office.

nounverb911 April 18, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Needs more Ronnie Reagan.

BornInATrailer April 18, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Will the movie be called Screwloose?

Troglodeity April 18, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Weston Side Story.

BornInATrailer April 18, 2012 at 4:13 pm

..I just met a boy named skoal_rebeeeel..

hagajim April 18, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Looks like the residents of Weston had better Disco Duck!

GOPCrusher April 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Fucking Disco Sucks!

hagajim April 18, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I'll be over here dancing with myself – thanks.

MrFizzy April 18, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Is that what you're calling it now?

hagajim April 18, 2012 at 3:59 pm

That's why it's a crime – amiright?

Maman April 18, 2012 at 4:23 pm

You and Billy Idol

SorosBot April 18, 2012 at 4:25 pm

So let's sink another drink, 'cause it will give me time to thi-ink…

Swampgas_Man April 18, 2012 at 6:27 pm

But I had some gas, and I let it pass,
Now I'm Dancin' W/ Myself. . . .

Toomush_Infer April 18, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Lying on the floor….again….?

nounverb911 April 18, 2012 at 3:41 pm

When does Hersh ban hoodie wearers?

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Wait. Does that include pole dancing?

Cuz I see where there might be an economic downturn in Florida's future

BornInATrailer April 18, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Indeed. Like Mitt says, single mothers should enjoy the dignity of work.

CapnFatback April 18, 2012 at 3:42 pm

FRUG LIFE!

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Nicely played, sir!

*polite golf clap*

Martini?

CapnFatback April 18, 2012 at 3:45 pm

"Make mine dirty," he said, bumping and grinding.

Baconzgood April 18, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Very commendable my good man. QOTD worthy.

James Michael Curley April 18, 2012 at 3:56 pm

That will make a lot of geriatric chiropractors rich.

UnholyMoses April 18, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Somewhere, Kenny Loggins is crying.

It's okay, though — he'll be alright.

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Well, he did warn us in that prophetic tome "Your Momma Don't Dance"

UnholyMoses April 18, 2012 at 4:04 pm

**sigh**

If only daddy had rock and rolled. If only …

bagofmice April 18, 2012 at 6:39 pm

You had better start saving for the royalty payments, 'cause you're in the danger zone. /archer

edgydrifter April 18, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I blame all the immigrants from Brazil. Those Capoeira dudes will literally dance the shit out of you for looking at them wrong.

CapnFatback April 18, 2012 at 3:47 pm

And all those carbon footprints!

Antispandex April 18, 2012 at 3:46 pm

FINALLY a law I can get behind! No more, "Come on honey, one more dance. PLEEAZZZE!" No more embarrassing stares either…because let's face it, I don't even try, and when I do, it aint pretty!

widestanceromance April 18, 2012 at 3:46 pm

What the hell does anyone in Florida have to dance about (other than seeing the state line in their rearview mirror)?

CogitoErgoBibo April 18, 2012 at 3:57 pm

It's just a creative way to confuse the giant insects as you make your escape.

snarkycomments April 18, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Not to rain on your parade, but doesn't seeing the Florida state line in your rearview mirror imply that you are now in either Georgia or Alabama?

I guess if you had a rearview mirror on your boat, that might be worth dancing about…

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Wait, isn't Cuba off the coast of Florida?

widestanceromance April 19, 2012 at 9:55 am

And also to snarkycomments: This occurred to me some time after posting, and I am proud to be among you both who thought my comment through a little better than I did. Still, if one has left Florida, one is moving in the right direction, at least.

ManchuCandidate April 18, 2012 at 3:46 pm

They told them don't you ever dance around here
Don't wanna see your steps, you shouldn't shake your rear
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it

You better stop, you better do what you can
Don't wanna see no moves, don't dance to macho man
You wanna just dance, better do what you can
So beat it, but you wanna be bad

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Andrew Lloyd Webber is on line two, sir, he'd like to speak with you about a possible collaboration.

WiscDad April 18, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I thought they burned down the Dirty Dancing resort.
http://gothamist.com/2012/04/18/resort_from_dirty

MissTaken April 18, 2012 at 3:56 pm

This is a good thing. That movie taught me the evils of dancing because you get pregnant and have an abortion and start lying to your parents. Sure, it all starts with just carrying a watermelon and next thing you know you're sexing up Patrick Swayze.

Limeylizzie April 18, 2012 at 3:47 pm

OT Dick Clark has died.

ChernobylSoup April 18, 2012 at 3:50 pm

And this post explains why he finally killed himself.

elviouslyqueer April 18, 2012 at 3:52 pm

And Dick Cheney still lives. DAMMIT.

/snark off

That is really and truly very sad. My heart goes out to his family.

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 3:55 pm

You mean his body finally got the memo?

Actually, not so OT. I give him a 75: good beat and easy to dance to

Poindexter718 April 18, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Not off topic at all!
America's immortal DJ felled by the news! Can the causality be doubted? Now there is blood (or at least a runny cocktail of plasma, Botox and Plavix) on the hands of these Floridian dancebanners.

hagajim April 18, 2012 at 4:00 pm

That's because they stopped the dancing and he had nowhere to go with his Bandstand. Actually, too bad, because I thought that dude would live forever.

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 4:11 pm

A long long time ago, I can still remember how that music used to make me smile

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Authorities report finding a portrait of a -41 year old Clark in a vault in his residence.

Toomush_Infer April 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm

How could they tell it was him….it looked ancient….

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Oh, I realize the flaw in my post now. Dang. You got it right, the painting would be…a zillion years old looking.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Great. Now who's going to depress me every New Years Eve?

Limeylizzie April 18, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Where do you live? I'll pop over.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 18, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Nice try. Unless you recently had a stroke and/or turned mormon, I think we would have a pretty good time.

BarackMyWorld April 18, 2012 at 5:03 pm

THAT'S NOT OFF TOPIC!

Baconzgood April 18, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Enter Kevin Bacon stage right to save the town.

CapnFatback April 18, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Whichz good?

MissTaken April 18, 2012 at 3:47 pm

And I thought that the Thursday Square Dance at the local nursing home was already as depressing as humanly possible.

SwanSwanH April 18, 2012 at 3:48 pm

In other violent dance related news…

Take your baby by the hair and pull her close and there there there /
And take your baby by the ears and play upon her darkest fears /
We were so in phase in our dance hall days /
we were cool on craze. . . .

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I'm betting even Chunging your Wang in *private* is illegal.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 5:20 pm

It's so very funky,
the Funky Western Civilization!
You just grab your partner by the hair;
throw her down, and leave her there…

Advn2rgirl April 19, 2012 at 2:20 pm

And, on the dance/teasing tip…

Another Saturday, another date
She would be ready but she's always make them wait
In the hallway, in anticipation
He didn't know the night would end up in frustration
He'd end up blowing all his wages for the week
All for a cuddle and a peck on the cheek

Come dancing
That's how they did it when I was just a kid
And when they said come dancing
My sister always did.

MissTaken April 18, 2012 at 3:48 pm

And just in time for Prom season!

SorosBot April 18, 2012 at 3:53 pm

"Now everybody – stand still next to your date and fidget awkwardly!"

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 3:56 pm

"But Principal Melvin! I wasn't dancing! I was picking my nose and I got caught on a hair!"

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 5:21 pm

If my memory of most school dances serves, that's pretty much what everybody did anyway.

DaRooster April 18, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Saves on dresses…
Sheesh, they have some cheap ass Dads down there.

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Halelujah!

weejee April 18, 2012 at 3:48 pm

They tried that in Mrs. weejee's home town of Linden, WA years ago and it didn't work. Obvs, then they banned sex standing up as it could lead to dancing.

UnholyMoses April 18, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Wait — does this law only apply to white people?

If so, I'm starting to think there's a silver lining here …

Schmannnity April 18, 2012 at 3:49 pm

If you have never been there, this is not the first step. Previously, they banned people darker than Mitt Romney.

Swampgas_Man April 18, 2012 at 6:30 pm

John Boehnner was run out of town on a rail.

Troglodeity April 18, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Does the law ban line dancing, and country-western dancing? If so, I'm all for it.

coolhandnuke April 18, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Boogaloo Shrimp wrapped in Kevin Bacon is a forbidden delicacy in my town.

MrFizzy April 18, 2012 at 3:49 pm

What will the Dancing Queen Lindsey Graham do if he goes to Florida?

elviouslyqueer April 18, 2012 at 3:53 pm

The horizontal mambo with the nearest poolboy?

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Don't worry. There will be special accomodations made in South Beach for legislators and private dance "clubs" where the boys will be hot and the gin even hotter.

Callyson April 18, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Did they make an exception for Riverdance? Because, as someone else put it, that involves dancing for white people who don't move their genitals. Should be safe enough…

elviouslyqueer April 18, 2012 at 4:16 pm
bumfug April 18, 2012 at 3:52 pm

And the cost of a permit for singin' in the rain is prohibitive.

RedneckMuslin April 18, 2012 at 3:52 pm

This has been a problem since the Sharks and the Jets from Westside Story started retiring.

SorosBot April 18, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Whew! Now I won't have to embarrass myself with my pathetic white guy attempts to dance anymore.

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 3:56 pm

You do that duck face thing too?

SorosBot April 18, 2012 at 4:30 pm

No; I only dance the robot.

redarmyzombie April 18, 2012 at 6:38 pm

I myself am fond of the Tunak Tunak Tun.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CI4y0lCZnY

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I do the White Person Dancing Lip Bite [tm].
Somewhat awesome commercial prominently featuring Dancing White Guy Lip Bite:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5YMVO7-8ns

bagofmice April 18, 2012 at 6:45 pm
ttommyunger April 18, 2012 at 3:53 pm

What next, banning the wet mumu contests just because of a few bleeding eye sockets?

UnholyMoses April 18, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Relevant: Dick Clark, RIP.

MissTaken April 18, 2012 at 3:54 pm

The Lambada is the forbidden dance yet again.

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 4:02 pm

If only it would take the Macarena with it.

SorosBot April 18, 2012 at 4:22 pm

And here I thought it was just the forgotten dance these days.

Texan_Bulldog April 18, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Just when you think FL can't get any screwier. Check and mate, AZ.

DaRooster April 18, 2012 at 4:26 pm

From what I know of AZ…

It is only check…

OneDollarJuana April 18, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I read a bit further and found that gun crimes in night clubs are on the rise in South Florida. Gee, "shoot first" laws and loose gun ownership laws lead to increasing gun crime. Whoda thunk it?

Iam_Who_Iam April 18, 2012 at 6:18 pm

If you hadn't of gotten to it first I was going to comment on that as well. But of course our liberal minds have mucked up the logic, it certainly has nothing to do with anything like the Stand Your Ground Law, obviously the problem is those pesky dance clubs.

SayItWithWookies April 18, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Weston, Florida just dodged a huge influx of Sufis.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 18, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Kevin Bacon is not amused!

MrFizzy April 18, 2012 at 3:57 pm

OT is the P score machine broken? Used to be I could just put some meaningless horseshit like this up every day, and the score would inexorably go up. Seems like there's some requirement for quality now. What's going on – ain't this 'Merca still?

Mumbletypeg April 18, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I wasn't sure at first what to suggest, since pee stopped climbing w/ any predictability for me some time ago. Then I just posted my 2800th comment and suddenly I'm at 111p. I have no idea if that has to do with anything but it is oddly coincidental. If you're approaching a "round number" in # of comments, & can keep posting regularly with snark worthy of others' thumbs see if something doesn't happen. Welcome in- advance to the "matchsticks" club, I'll keep a seat at the table ready for you~

SorosBot April 18, 2012 at 4:38 pm

It seems like the higher your P gets, the slower it continues to grow. Or the further away from 0 – after metamarcist was banned from Breitbart, his slowly got higher until he passed -100, then it fairly quickly jumped up to 0.

elviouslyqueer April 18, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Says the robot with the stratospheric p-ness.

*grumbles; takes toys and goes home*

deanbooth April 18, 2012 at 6:01 pm

My pee was at 108 for a long time, then it went to 107 for a few months, and now it's back to 108. Can't explain it.

Baconzgood April 18, 2012 at 3:58 pm

There's a "Breakin' " snark in there but I can't flush it out….Or maybe it's not that there is a snark there but that I love Breakin' sooooo much. BESTEST MOVIE WITHOUT BRUCE CAMPBELL EVAR!

CapnFatback April 18, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Join us next time for

Apparently, There Was Stopping Them

OR

Pop and Glock!

MissTaken April 18, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo LIBEL!

beardooooo April 18, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Laugh all you want, but the Jet/Shark feud is wreaking havoc on us all. Jazz Tap havoc.

coolhandnuke April 18, 2012 at 4:00 pm

It is a quick and slippery slope from one square dance to a mosh pit to sympathy for the devil.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Truly, square dancing is a gateway dance.

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Might as well. Can't dance.

barto April 18, 2012 at 4:00 pm

And here I thought pool was the problem, stupid me.

BlueStateLibel April 18, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I know for a fact a lot of those olds living in Florida used to dance way back in their youths. But now that their hips etc. are shot, damn if they're going to let anyone else have any fun! This seems to be the spirit of America nowadays.

Ruhe April 18, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Hey, Chef Eric. That third paragraph has a bit too much Onion in it.

hagajim April 18, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I guess in Weston your momma can't dance and your daddy can't rock n roll.

Blueb4sunrise April 18, 2012 at 4:04 pm

more on Hizzoner Hersh…..

As a member of the county’s Resource Recovery Board, Weston Mayor Eric Hersh was the chief negotiator and driving force behind Broward’s controversial $1.5 billion garbage deal……………………………………[and also too]
….last year as part of a settlement of agency findings that while working at Raymond James & Associates in Weston “he engaged in conduct in violation of (the state’s) Securities and Investor Protection Act.” Hersh worked there from 1997 to April 2009.

http://www.browardbulldog.org/2010/12/weston-mayo

MissTaken April 18, 2012 at 4:04 pm

♫ You can't dance
You can't jive
Having the worst time
Of your life ♫

V572 Fehrnstrom April 18, 2012 at 4:05 pm

From the Sun Sentinel article:

Nightclubs, dance halls and skating rinks all attract "large crowds" on a nightly basis, the new law says, which can cause traffic and noise problems for residents and businesses nearby and strain city resources.

This expresses my idea of suburbia. Whatever differs from it, to the extent of the difference, is no suburb.

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 4:06 pm

This doesn't go far enough. The real solution is to ban fucking while you're standing up, because everyone knows that that's the real cause of dancing.

Mumbletypeg April 18, 2012 at 4:06 pm

"Dance, dance, reNOLOVEution"

Baconzgood April 18, 2012 at 4:08 pm

"How you gonna know if dancing is really banned by standing on the wall?
Get your back off against the wall"

-Kool and "THE GANG"-

actor212 April 18, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Not surprisingly, Weston ranked 19th in the Money Magazine list of America's wealthiest cities by per capita income

sullivanst April 18, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Tsk! Erik missed the best part:

The commission specifically banned those kinds of businesses, and skating rinks, to prevent a temporary rink from being used conceal a nightclub or dance hall

Those sneaky temporary skating rinks, shoving dance halls down their pants and sneaking them past security!

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 4:18 pm

What if I want to set up a temporary rink to conceal a gun store, is that still OK?

MissTaken April 18, 2012 at 4:10 pm

As long as this means I can avoid receiving gifs of Jean Claude Van Damme shaking his moneymaker while wearing a wife beater then I fully support this.

Wile E. Quixote April 18, 2012 at 4:10 pm

If only they had done this in New York City, Tony and Riff would still be alive today.

owhatever April 18, 2012 at 4:11 pm

And no more Elvis Prezzly and Beetle music.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 18, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Julia Louis-Dreyfus has been invited to be the Grand Marshall of next year's Sweet Fancy Moses parade.

Nostrildamus April 18, 2012 at 4:17 pm

If people want to dance, they should do it at home. In their private ballrooms.

Come here a minute April 18, 2012 at 4:17 pm

And the Mayor will balance the budget by prohibiting singing.

Mumbletypeg April 18, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I foresee a glut of Fla. motor vehicle renewals from Weston residents entering "FREE2SK8" onto their vanity plates, for some reason.

dinkybossetti April 18, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Take that, Roger Ebert! I bet you feel so stupid now, for reviewing the Footloose remake by saying that young moviegoers would never believe a plot point about a town banning dancing!

Er… maybe I should have just ended that sentence after "remake."

PubOption April 18, 2012 at 4:19 pm

They're all olds in Florida. They won't stay alive much longer.

Jus_Wonderin April 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

"I'M NOT DANCING. I HAVE TREMORS! GET OFF MY LAWN!"

mavenmaven April 18, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I thought in Florida the only dancing one did was shimmying in and out of one's wheelchair without dislodging the oxygen nasal prongs.

Tundra Grifter April 18, 2012 at 4:22 pm

When dancing is outlawed…

Maman April 18, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Next, Weston will cancel Basketball and Football watching. Including Superbowl Sunday.

Mumbletypeg April 18, 2012 at 4:24 pm

This actually might be the most depressing thing I've read today, snark aside. It's not fair to deprive the kiddlies of their skating rinks. I have awesome memories of building my skating skills at a pretty young age. It was about as 'athletic' as I ever got, or sociable.
The article cites the mayor or whoever saying Hey, we still have the Y, and school dances, for the youngsters! Puke me a river. YMCA and school dances were the scenes for about the least savorable memories I ever hope to forget from my youth. I hope that mayor wakes up with an extra large size old-school roller skate in his bed (seriously– if you've ever been kicked by a foot w/ a skate on it, *almost* as painful as getting kicked by a horse)~

ElPinche April 18, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Kahs-wanian Vulcan Dick Clark is dead, yall. I think he was 354 yrs young. Romulan haters can suck a bag of Sector 3 vordrofian malshacs.

JustPixelz April 18, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Dancing leads to crime? Perhaps it's the other way around. Perhaps they should ban crime.

When libruls talk about addressing the causes of crime, the Repubicans pat them on the head and say "There, there … it's nice you're trying so hard". But a wingnut says "not enough Jeebus" and (I'll bet) the Repubicans stroke their long gray beards and say "I think you're on to something". It's a double standard is what I'm saying.

gingerland62 April 18, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Wait until the cool city kid moves in and gets together with the Mayor's daughter. All bets are off cause everybody's gonna get footloose!

SorosBot April 18, 2012 at 4:30 pm

It's just a jump to the left…

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 4:35 pm

What about aerobics?

elviouslyqueer April 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Or, heaven forefend, Pole Dancing for Jesus.

Guppy April 18, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Hey, so long as they don't start insisting that I start pole dancing as well, let them do what they want.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Isn't it just the least surprising thing, ever, that this came out of Texas?

Jukesgrrl April 18, 2012 at 4:37 pm

They KILLED Dick Clark.

elviouslyqueer April 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

YOU BASTARDS.

widestanceromance April 18, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Now, if only Tampa Bay was to follow this, we would be either, A: spared the Dancing Rove, or B: watching him get tazed while being sent to Gitmo.

ElPinche April 18, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Dancing gets in the way of Broward's pastime of sitting, sweating, eating bacon fat and corn syrup.

(btw, I say this as I'm eating a BLT with a diet coke ).

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 5:37 pm

BLT is actually nature's perfect food, because you get to eat the bacon, but the virtue contained in the lettuce and tomato cancel out the naughtiness of the bacon.

ElPinche April 18, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Indeed, it is the yīnyáng of food. And bacon is the naughty naughty yang.

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 9:22 pm

The key question is: when you lift off the bread, how much B do you have to move before you glimpse the LT?

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 5:12 pm

John Travolta may be gayer than Gay Gayerson, the Mayor of Gayville; but back in the day, he was HOT!!
That is all.

George Spelvin April 18, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Unfortunately, up here in the other day, he is deranged.

outragedcitizen April 18, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I am continuously amazed at the utter stupidity of these conservative white asshats.

What the hell am I saying? It's Florida, stupid is a requirement for leadership down there!

SaintRond April 18, 2012 at 5:34 pm

What the fuck is it with older Americans? They act like they've got a raging case of galloping paresis. How I hate their hacking coughs and baleful stares.

I fucking hate your old people.

randcoolcatdaddy April 18, 2012 at 6:21 pm

What?!? No Foxtrot? No Lindy Hop?

This is bad news for Lawrence Welk.

He1senberg April 18, 2012 at 6:26 pm

What would Ren McCormack do? Haha…Weston better watch out because the MJ's and crotch grabbers of the world are currently flocking to this future dancing oasis. Bout to tear shit up. http://bit.ly/J0pqTQ

DahBoner April 18, 2012 at 7:46 pm

This is why Baptists in Florida don't fuck standing up…

johnnymeatworth April 18, 2012 at 7:51 pm

next up on the ban list: Skittles and Arizona tea….

a_pink_poodle April 18, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Hey Wonk's and Wonkette's, let me tell you about a town named Weston, Florida!

Dun. Dah dun. Dah dun. Dah dundahdundah. Dun. Dah dun. Dah dun. Dah dundahdundah.

snarkycomments April 18, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Note to Mr. Hersh: Dance Dance Revolution is not a offshoot of Occupy Wall Street.

comrad_darkness April 18, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Weston, Fl, where old people go to die as quietly as possible.

Oh, and get the fuck off my lawn!

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 9:41 pm

So, apparently someone DOES put Baby in a corner.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Damn you! I missed your post even though it was immediately above the one I made. lol That's what I get for not going to the second page before I post.

tessiee April 18, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Which proves he was muslin, since the Dead Sea Scrolls come from Muslinpotamia.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Nobody puts Buppie in a corner!

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 10:37 pm

The kids these days with their Lady Goo-Goos and hep-hawp and Jaycees. What is the world coming too? Hengh? Now, the Andrews Sisters; those were some classy broads, some bully dames, I tells ya'.

ElPinche April 19, 2012 at 12:46 am

It's going to be weird when Aesop Rock and Jamie Lidell will be that old timey music.

elgin_pelican April 19, 2012 at 11:12 am

Up next, Zombie Bob Fosse with a different viewpoint.

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