they say it's your birthday?

Sorry We Missed Your Birthday, Ann Romney!

QuintomomAnn ‘Quintomom’ Romney, an unemployed housewife with five children, has recently gained recognition due to her stressed domestic situation. With a husband on the road almost seven days a week, she doesn’t have a chance to have any ‘Ann Time.’ When her story took to the air, the heartstrings of a selfless job creator were tugged on. Ann’s birthday was yesterday and she never asks for much, but Melania Trump (who is still around?) is going to make sure she gets a birthday bash she will never forget.

Donald and Melania Trump are known for their generosity towards the less fortunate and this is another example of how job creators go out of their way to help others get back on their feet. Ann is the guest of honor at a birthday event today with hopes of raising enough money to get some groceries and an airplane.

Trump spokesman Michael Cohen said 400 people are expected at Ann’s ‘hat-in-hand-one-night-stand’. The Trumps want to keep it inexpensive and simple by having it at their place inside Trump Tower. Cohen said the event sold out in a week, and is expected to bring in “well in excess” of $600,000.

As if $600,000 wasn’t enough, Donald Trump himself has committed to dropping by his own party to wish Ann a happy birthday. The job-creating Trumps have had such a good time helping out poor Ann that they have committed to helping out time and time again so Mitt can come home and finally spend time with his family. [CNN]

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About the author

Erik Jay is currently unemployed, but has a history of managing various motels and quitting customer service jobs on day 1. He still feels accomplished graduating from a continuation high school in 1989.

View all articles by Erik Jay

Hola wonkerados.

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54 comments

  1. freakishlywrong

    Ayn. Symbol of virtue and apple pie. Having a party and fundraiser thrown for her by a thrice married birfer vulgarian.

  2. noodlesalad

    Another great mothering tip from the Missus. "Kids and hubby forgot your birthday? Need a bit of pampering? Call up the Trumps."

  3. Hera Sent Me

    Freedom of choice for (rich) women.

    Put your kid in a crappy daycare and get a job for (poor) women.

  4. Baconzgood

    Charging for a party? What the fuck? Are you still in College or somthing? Cheap bastard. Bet they won't even have Ritz crackers with Cheese Whiz.

  5. James Michael Curley

    Back during the Great Wonkette Commenter Riots of 2012 Donald Trump barricaded the Trump Towers in Manhattan. No one was allowed in who spent less than $600,000 a year on hair gel.

  6. metamarcisf

    Hilary Rosen misspoke. Mitt Romney is the one who has never worked a day in his life. Not only that, the dog actually ENJOYED riding on top of the car.

  7. Come here a minute

    Ann can't think of a better birthday present than having her birthday missed by Wonkette. It is really a defining moment, and she loves it.

  8. RedneckMuslin

    Of course, this ruins the party Ann really had planned with the plumber. Old Donald, the Coitus Interrupter

  9. Maman

    Maybe as a super secret birthday gift, Mittens will tell Ann what governmental departments he plans on getting rid of.

  10. tcaalaw

    I thought "Quintomom" was the mother of the actor who plays Spock in the new Star Trek movies?

    1. Data Exactly

      So, the Romneys were actually going LIGHT on Mother Nature when they took their frightful vacation of terror?!?

  11. Barb

    I know how you feel Ann. I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.
    Happy Birthday, you useless twat!

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Not so early in the morning, please. Now I'll have that stuck in my head the whole day.

      1. Barb

        I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete.

        Then I remembered that I love, love, love abortions!

  12. JustPixelz

    Happy Birthday Ann. If it is your birthday. I guess these days we need to see the birth certificate with raised seal and original signatures. Plus your parent's birf certs. Plus DNA to prove your father is actually the person named on the document. OH WAIT! You're white. Sooo … Happy Birthday Ann.

  13. fuflans

    also and apropos of next to nothing, i just bought a pair of ivanka trump shoes.

    this is a true fact and my only defense is that they are quite fabulous and v v sexy and as you all know, i am quite shallow about fashion.

  14. Dumbedup

    His other friend Chris Christie is also invited. He's going to eat all of the food and take a 40lb. dump, which Donald will praise as a "world class" dump and feature on his teevee show.

  15. outragedcitizen

    Are we really suppose to believe that poor Ann works her fingers to the bone taking care of the kids, doing the house work, including cleaning all 37 toilets in their mansions, and doing the shopping?

    I guess their maids and servants just sit around sipping martinis and playing tennis with the grand dame does all the work.

  16. meatpuppet2

    That party is going to create jobs for all sorts of caterers, cleaners, servers. It's all about the trickle down. Like pee into a toilet. See, that is what all you poor people sucking on the gov't s teet just don't understand.

  17. ttommyunger

    Sorry, Ann, you must have known it would come down to this eventually. You married a fucking loser. A loser with money, but a loser.

  18. barto

    These human interest stories are so touching, and really bolster my faith in the inherent goodness of people throughout our great country, regardless of their personal circumstances, their wealth, their venality, or their thinly veiled disdain for the little people who really don't hold our interest at all now do they.

    Thanks, Wonkette, for making my day!

Comments are closed.