THEY SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?  9:25 am April 17, 2012

Sorry We Missed Your Birthday, Ann Romney!

by Erik Jay

QuintomomAnn ‘Quintomom’ Romney, an unemployed housewife with five children, has recently gained recognition due to her stressed domestic situation. With a husband on the road almost seven days a week, she doesn’t have a chance to have any ‘Ann Time.’ When her story took to the air, the heartstrings of a selfless job creator were tugged on. Ann’s birthday was yesterday and she never asks for much, but Melania Trump (who is still around?) is going to make sure she gets a birthday bash she will never forget.

Donald and Melania Trump are known for their generosity towards the less fortunate and this is another example of how job creators go out of their way to help others get back on their feet. Ann is the guest of honor at a birthday event today with hopes of raising enough money to get some groceries and an airplane.

Trump spokesman Michael Cohen said 400 people are expected at Ann’s ‘hat-in-hand-one-night-stand’. The Trumps want to keep it inexpensive and simple by having it at their place inside Trump Tower. Cohen said the event sold out in a week, and is expected to bring in “well in excess” of $600,000.

As if $600,000 wasn’t enough, Donald Trump himself has committed to dropping by his own party to wish Ann a happy birthday. The job-creating Trumps have had such a good time helping out poor Ann that they have committed to helping out time and time again so Mitt can come home and finally spend time with his family. [CNN]

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BaldarTFlagass April 17, 2012 at 9:28 am

Happy birthday, o privileged exploited downtrodden one!

IncenseDebate April 17, 2012 at 9:29 am

Her husband has a limp dick too. Sad Queen Ann.

noodlesalad April 17, 2012 at 9:34 am

Think he'll unzip for the 400 person one night stand?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 17, 2012 at 11:53 am

She's no Sad King Billy.

George Spelvin April 17, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Now, if Newt's penguin had been a Shrike…..

Sue4466 April 17, 2012 at 9:30 am

Maybe Donald will get Ann on The Apprentice so she can learn the dignity of work?

LesBontemps April 17, 2012 at 9:58 am

Oh Editrix! You can stop this thread right here.

freakishlywrong April 17, 2012 at 9:31 am

Ayn. Symbol of virtue and apple pie. Having a party and fundraiser thrown for her by a thrice married birfer vulgarian.

mavenmaven April 17, 2012 at 9:33 am

Job creators for all the underpaid cleaning crew. See how that works?

noodlesalad April 17, 2012 at 9:34 am

Another great mothering tip from the Missus. "Kids and hubby forgot your birthday? Need a bit of pampering? Call up the Trumps."

Dashboard Buddha April 17, 2012 at 9:34 am

If the party flops, I wonder what Queen Ann's revenge will be.

George Spelvin April 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm

A broadside?

Gratuitous World April 17, 2012 at 9:35 am

good ol' Take A Wish Foundation

SorosBot April 17, 2012 at 9:37 am

Pulling in just $600,000? That's not very much money!

Hera Sent Me April 17, 2012 at 9:37 am

Freedom of choice for (rich) women.

Put your kid in a crappy daycare and get a job for (poor) women.

Baconzgood April 17, 2012 at 9:38 am

Charging for a party? What the fuck? Are you still in College or somthing? Cheap bastard. Bet they won't even have Ritz crackers with Cheese Whiz.

Biff April 17, 2012 at 10:54 am

I was really looking forward to seeing the pix of Ann doing kegstands, too.

James Michael Curley April 17, 2012 at 9:38 am

Back during the Great Wonkette Commenter Riots of 2012 Donald Trump barricaded the Trump Towers in Manhattan. No one was allowed in who spent less than $600,000 a year on hair gel.

RedneckMuslin April 17, 2012 at 9:39 am

Geez! Get a job!

metamarcisf April 17, 2012 at 9:39 am

Hilary Rosen misspoke. Mitt Romney is the one who has never worked a day in his life. Not only that, the dog actually ENJOYED riding on top of the car.

Steverino247 April 17, 2012 at 9:39 am

Did she let them eat cake?

OneYieldRegular April 17, 2012 at 10:26 am

Romney Antoinette.

Negropolis April 18, 2012 at 3:00 am

Mitt Ann'Toinette.

Come here a minute April 17, 2012 at 9:40 am

Ann can't think of a better birthday present than having her birthday missed by Wonkette. It is really a defining moment, and she loves it.

RedneckMuslin April 17, 2012 at 9:42 am

Of course, this ruins the party Ann really had planned with the plumber. Old Donald, the Coitus Interrupter

ManchuCandidate April 17, 2012 at 9:44 am

It was a good party till Mittens stood up and sang "Zou Bisou Bisou."

Generation[redacted] April 17, 2012 at 9:51 am

She just never stops working. Truly an inspiration.

Maman April 17, 2012 at 9:51 am

Maybe as a super secret birthday gift, Mittens will tell Ann what governmental departments he plans on getting rid of.

John Birf Society April 17, 2012 at 9:52 am

If the GOP really wants to win put Ann on the ticket and put Mittens on the roof of the car.

Schmannnity April 17, 2012 at 9:58 am

With The Donald dropping by, everyone will get to play pin the tail on the donkey.

tcaalaw April 17, 2012 at 10:00 am

I thought "Quintomom" was the mother of the actor who plays Spock in the new Star Trek movies?

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Yes. That's Ann Romney.

Abbystinence April 17, 2012 at 10:00 am

.Another fundraising birthday party for Ann was held at the house of Frederick Malek III. who was arrested when he was younger for animal cruelty after police discovered that he and some friends had killed and barbecued a dog.

Data Exactly April 17, 2012 at 9:16 pm

So, the Romneys were actually going LIGHT on Mother Nature when they took their frightful vacation of terror?!?

Barb April 17, 2012 at 10:21 am

I know how you feel Ann. I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.
Happy Birthday, you useless twat!

OneYieldRegular April 17, 2012 at 10:27 am

Not so early in the morning, please. Now I'll have that stuck in my head the whole day.

Barb April 17, 2012 at 10:29 am

I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete.

Then I remembered that I love, love, love abortions!

redarmyzombie April 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I myself am looking forward to Barbecued Fetus this evening.

Texan_Bulldog April 17, 2012 at 10:26 am

When's the party being thrown by the guy who roasted a dog?

Man, what did dogs ever do to Romney?!?

MozakiBlocks April 17, 2012 at 10:30 am
WiscDad April 17, 2012 at 10:33 am

Melania? Isn't that a skin disease?

actor212 April 17, 2012 at 10:37 am

Bet Seamus left her a hot steaming present…

JustPixelz April 17, 2012 at 10:40 am

Happy Birthday Ann. If it is your birthday. I guess these days we need to see the birth certificate with raised seal and original signatures. Plus your parent's birf certs. Plus DNA to prove your father is actually the person named on the document. OH WAIT! You're white. Sooo … Happy Birthday Ann.

fuflans April 17, 2012 at 10:59 am

don't the romney's have any friends to give them a party? they're reduced to donald trump?

DemmeFatale April 17, 2012 at 11:04 am

Damn, Erik!
Too much loathsomeness!
(I would say "Epic Loathsomeness," but my daughters say it's gross when olds use that term.)

fuflans April 17, 2012 at 11:08 am

also and apropos of next to nothing, i just bought a pair of ivanka trump shoes.

this is a true fact and my only defense is that they are quite fabulous and v v sexy and as you all know, i am quite shallow about fashion.

Dumbedup April 17, 2012 at 11:25 am

His other friend Chris Christie is also invited. He's going to eat all of the food and take a 40lb. dump, which Donald will praise as a "world class" dump and feature on his teevee show.

George Spelvin April 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm

It'll be HUUUGE!!

outragedcitizen April 17, 2012 at 11:26 am

Are we really suppose to believe that poor Ann works her fingers to the bone taking care of the kids, doing the house work, including cleaning all 37 toilets in their mansions, and doing the shopping?

I guess their maids and servants just sit around sipping martinis and playing tennis with the grand dame does all the work.

meatpuppet2 April 17, 2012 at 1:10 pm

That party is going to create jobs for all sorts of caterers, cleaners, servers. It's all about the trickle down. Like pee into a toilet. See, that is what all you poor people sucking on the gov't s teet just don't understand.

elgin_pelican April 17, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Trickle down, dog shits on car roof, someone add Ann's name and repost kthxby

ttommyunger April 17, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Sorry, Ann, you must have known it would come down to this eventually. You married a fucking loser. A loser with money, but a loser.

barto April 17, 2012 at 2:54 pm

These human interest stories are so touching, and really bolster my faith in the inherent goodness of people throughout our great country, regardless of their personal circumstances, their wealth, their venality, or their thinly veiled disdain for the little people who really don't hold our interest at all now do they.

Thanks, Wonkette, for making my day!

valthemus April 18, 2012 at 2:23 am

Melania and Ann: Pointless Women of the World, UNITE!

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