Mitt Romney Accidentally Gives Details On Something, Somewhere, To Someone

  elimination power station

Romney Fingers IssuesPALM BEACH, Fla. – Willard Romney took a moment out of his daily dog and pony show to deliver some real ideas a la Romney. This wasn’t a typical Romnification of bullshit jib jab. These were actual ideas coming from the Republican contender. This was a closed-door fundraiser that was held by some of Romney’s supporters. He outlined particulars that left quite an impression on the attendees. And also quite an impression on the political reporters who’d been made to wait outside. HOT MIC! HOT MIC! Somebody call Putin quick!

Willard discussed plans to consolidate or eliminate federal agencies, reform the nation’s tax code and win the hearts of Latinos everywhere. Willard was on a rampage of thoughts including how it would be pretty cool to lower the tax rate on the rich, and pay for it by eliminating the deduction on state and local taxes you just paid. Sucks to be you dude! Then he paid tribute to his father, George by eliminating the Department of Housing and Urban Development.

“I’m going to take a lot of departments in Washington, and agencies, and combine them. Some eliminate, but I’m probably not going to lay out just exactly which ones are going to go. Things like Housing and Urban Development, which my dad was head of, that might not be around later. But I’m not going to actually go through these one by one. What I can tell you is, we’ve got far too many bureaucrats. I will send a lot of what happens in Washington back to the states.”

Don’t worry. He didn’t forget about the Department of Education. Willard included, “The Department of Education: I will either consolidate with another agency, or perhaps make it a heck of a lot smaller. I’m not going to get rid of it entirely.” It is apparent that Willard is now committed to changing some things, maybe eliminating them or maybe not. Either way, things are going to ‘get a heck of a lot smaller.’

As if the crowd was not stunned enough with Willard’s vocal laser beam light show of words, he threw in a dose of Ann Romney that left the crowd of Floridian geriatrics walking towards the light of the nearest ATM. Ann described her recent pillow fight with Hilary Rosen as “an early birthday gift.” Ann is just now showing the GOP her new diamond encrusted talons. How she plans to use them is yet a mystery, but the potential is frightening.

The Republican power couple is now in full swing and ready to shower the country with a message, “Yes It May, Depending On Things.” More straight talk from Willard is coming soon. (Never.) [Kevin Drum]

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About the author

Erik Jay is currently unemployed, but has a history of managing various motels and quitting customer service jobs on day 1. He still feels accomplished graduating from a continuation high school in 1989.

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74 comments

    1. OneDollarJuana

      Oh, please. Romney doesn't get mail. That's so common and dirty. He has people who deal with that.

  1. noodlesalad

    If you put Mitt Romney and a mirror in the same room, you'll end up with three different policy positions.

  2. Schmannnity

    When Obama talks to Medvedev, it's a sinister hidden agenda. When Romney won't say what his plans are, it's good strategy.

  3. OneYieldRegular

    Mitt must have written the helpful fortune I got last time I had a fortune cookie: "Something may happen to you before long."

  4. actor212

    It's really smart in an age when people are getting dumber to eliminate education.

    What will I do with all these "books" I was planning on donating to a "liberry"?

  5. CogitoErgoBibo

    Why is it that when I imagine a Mittens dog and pony show, it involves dressage horses trotting around a car with a dog trapped on its roof?

  6. el_donaldo

    Planning on eliminating HUD and Education isn't really a detail. It's more like how GOP candidates greet donors. If he's really happy to see you, he'll talk about capital gains.

    1. Abbystinence

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
      Eliminate the 2nd home mortgage deduction!!! Ouch, that hurts.
      Does that mean that Rmoney gets to keep the elimination on his 3rd, 4th, and 5th homes?

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      I had a '95 Villager. It got fairly decent mileage, but a guy totaled it when he blew his brains out while driving down my street and crashed into it at the curb. Hell of a thing to wake up to.

  7. Gratuitous World

    These states he refers to – they have no budget shortfalls of their own I'm sure.
    But…they can keep/add bureaucrats per the 1st term Romney…wait for it…stimulus. ("Romulus?")

      1. GeneralLerong

        Bumper sticker! Bumper sticker!

        Oh, wait, you'd have to know some Roman history. Having read Foundation at age 12 probably wouldn't be good enough. [resumes rocking and gently banging head on desk]

  8. Terry

    "“I’m going to take a lot of departments in Washington, and agencies, and combine them. Some eliminate, but I’m probably not going to lay out just exactly which ones are going to go. "

    This is one of many problems with electing someone to the Presidency, heck even Congress, who has no actual working knowledge of how government works.

    Does he think that he can sit down on day one and just write out a letter, sign it, and abolish HUD? Uh, no, Mittens. Any changes to the structure of Federal agencies, beyond scooting around branches and the like, requires approval from the Hill. Remember what it took to establish Homeland Security? Bush announced the establishment, but it was actually created by the Homeland Security Act of 2002.

    Adding or deleting takes participation of both the legislative and executive branches, and I bet you that the judicial could end up making some opinions on anything large scale, as well.

    Good grief, is Romney that stupid or is he throwing raw meat to potential donors?

    1. CogitoErgoBibo

      Unfortunately, I think a lot of it comes down to a stupid electorate. People who somehow believe that the President actually has the power to do much of anything at all large scale on his own. Every four years, we listen to a bunch of blustery claims about how the challenger is going to make big, big changes, if only he is elected. Unless and until we have a Congress willing to play nice with that person (you know, one that's heard of words like "compromise" and "empathy"), it won't happen. But they'll still spin that stump speech bullshit like it's gold, because the masses buy it. Sigh…

      1. Doktor StrangeZoom

        Well, as we've seen, Obama has single-handedly turned America into a socialist dictatorship, so it does matter who's president. Of course, he may not even allow this fall's elections to happen, now that he's declared martial law.

    2. OneYieldRegular

      Or, frightened to the core by Rick Perry's stellar debate performance, is he just afraid to count higher than "2" in public?

  9. fartknocker

    I don’t like Mittens. All of his statements presume that because he’s rich, he will get what he wants. Every paragraph of Mitt quotes sounds like he’s already been elected. Mitt is an arrogant prick. Mitt only understands two government agencies: the IRS and the Securities and Exchange Commission. For him to bloviate about combining agencies without specifics or reasons indicates to me that he’s sitting at home and wife is giving him a hand job while he’s watching re-runs of his RNC debates and betting everyone $10K.

  10. Texan_Bulldog

    So Ann is not above using a deliberately misinterpreted [but factual] statement to score cheap political points? Color me shocked!

  11. Maman

    Citizens are silly for wanting to know how Mittens plans to run the country. We should rest assured that men more clever than you will work it all out in quiet rooms. Not in front of the hoi polloi.

  12. nounverb911

    “The only difference between Mitt Romney and a statue of Mitt Romney is that a statue never changes its position.”
    –Stephen Colbert

  13. philpjfry

    I will say anything to get you to vote for me. Unless you think I shouldn't. Maybe we need a focus group?

  14. actor212

    "“I’m going to take a lot of departments in Washington, and agencies, and combine them. Some eliminate, but I’m probably not going to lay out just exactly which ones are going to go. "

    For some reason, I got this image of Itt laying out a whole slew of ball gowns on one or maybe two of his king-sized beds that he shares with the wife and dog, and deciding which ones to wear to the inaugural….

  15. Lascauxcaveman

    I get it. He's going to create jobs and wealth by eliminating tens of thousands of jobs and paychecks.

    Republican logic is nothing if not consistent.

  16. Baconzgood

    Fold the D of E into the Justice Department. That way it saves a step in making brown people have such a shitty education they have to turn to selling drugs. WINNING!

  17. Mahousu

    Richard Nixon had a "secret plan" to end the war in Vietnam. That worked out well.

    One of the odd facts about Nixon is that, experienced conniver though he was, he really had no idea what he wanted to do when he was first elected president. That's the main reason there was a budget surplus in 1969. Of course, he eventually came up with a few things.

  18. Mumbly_Joe

    The Department of Education was a major part of the way I was able to afford to go to college, at all. The Department of the Housing and Urban Development was an even bigger part of the way my family was able to have shelter in any form during my childhood.

    Enjoy your fucking tax cuts, you utter, utter, fucking asshole.

  19. JustPixelz

    This is not news. Except for the names of the departments, this is the same spiel Romney would say when Bain bought some company. "We'll combine Sales and Accounting, maybe close your dad's old department. It will be a heck of a lot smaller." Though, technically, he meant: "It will be gone."

    Of course Romney says he likes to fire people. Or in today's parlance, "take away their dignity".

  20. Mojopo

    Seven years running for president, millions and millions of dollars, and he doesn't know what he will or will not do? "I won't say." If this is some kind of mystery campaign that people have to buy before they know what they're getting, buyer beware. Those swag bags are going to be chock full of broken leftovers from the As Seen on TV line of products.

  21. Tommmcattt

    If Romney gets elected we won't need a Department of Housing because, let's face it, by the end of his first term most of us won't have houses anyway.

  22. SorosBot

    So Mitt wants to win the presidency by promising to intentionally destroy the American economy. Fascinating.

    1. Mojopo

      This is the old, "We have to destroy it to make it better," strategy perfected by Oscar Goldman on Steve Austin. The Mittbot 2012 is helping by pushing the entire nation out of a plane, wearing nothing but a broken parachute. We are about to be bionicized, hater!

  23. BerkeleyBear

    He can't even try not to sound like one of those Six Sigma assholes. Let's look for synergies, streamline departments, and shake up the org chart while we are at it. All of which is a bullshit smokescreen so no one notices that the new management is just as (or more) clueless than the old management. Only, unlike a bullshit company CEO, the President can't wave a magic wand and undo it in a year to get a second bite at soft focus pieces in various magazines and programs that give a momentary profit boost, justify a ridiculous bonus and let the CEO move on to a higher paying job.

  24. SayItWithWookies

    He's going to do a lot of things differently, since the voters want change — although he doesn't want to get too specific about it just yet, in case the things he says he's going to do don't make any sense and piss off the voters who want pragmatism. Wow, it's hard to appeal to two groups with mutually exclusive wants, isn't it?

  25. MarionNYNY

    Today is tax day, and dude wants to eliminate the lifeline that is the deduction for state and local taxes for those of us who actually have to work (not for the dignity, but for the food). What are the odds that that this will be even be reported on Faux News?

  26. LiberalMantra

    "I will send a lot of what happens in Washington back to the states."
    Umm no thank you, we're still shoveling our way out of the last Republican avalanche of b.s.

  27. ElPinche

    Good luck with that Willard. Once you're POTUS, you will do what the industrialist capitalist scum-fucks want you to do. ….wait, that's you . Nevermind.

      1. ElPinche

        awesome..win.
        Perfect choice of Massey Energy…lead by the murderous, corrupt scum fuck , Jabba the Hut of industry, Don Blankenship.

  28. donner_froh

    Things like Housing and Urban Development, which my dad was head of, that might not be around later

    Just like your political career won't be around later either, Dumbo.

  29. mavenmaven

    "It's three agencies of government when I get there that are gone. Commerce, Education and the um, what's the third one there?"

  30. Ducksworthy

    I vote the Dpartment of Edumcation to be merged with the Department of Fatherland Security (and also the Boy Scouts with the Church of LDS.)

  31. fuflans

    well this should go well.

    please remind all your outraged libtard friends that there are still many things at stake – no matter how pissed they are at bamz.

    seriously, just think of what he'll do to 5-4

  32. DahBoner

    win the hearts of Latino voters everywhere

    Cinco de Mayo NATIONAL HOLIDAY with MANDITORY Tequilla shots???

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