REPUBLICANS POKING AROUND AGAIN  5:22 pm April 16, 2012

Friendly Republicans Offer To Help Obama Out By Looking Into This Whole Hooker Thing For Him

by Erik Jay

HookergateA heated exchange between a prostitute and a Secret Service agent has led to an embarrassing situation for President Obama to deal with. It turns out eleven U.S. Secret Service agents and five military service members are under investigation and facing possible reprimand for allegedly cavorting with prostitutes and drinking excessively at a Colombian hotel ahead of President Obama’s visit to Colombia to explain that no he will never ever ever ever decriminalize drugs. If the investigation turns out to hold merit — and it is probably going to turn out to hold lots of merit, among other things it is holding — Obama is going to be pissed.

“If it turns out some of the allegations that have been made in the press are confirmed, then, of course, I’ll be angry,” he said, doing that thing where he tries and fails to do an impression of “angry.” He doesn’t need to get “angry.” He has people for that.

Luckily, Republicans have Obama’s back on this and are going to do whatever they can to preserve the dignity of the office of the president. Republicans came out swinging for Obama, explaining that the reports of agents bringing hookers to their hotel before Mr. Obama’s arrival made the agents vulnerable to blackmail and could still be threatening the president’s security.

Friends like Rep. Peter T. King, New York Republican and chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee, said he has directed his staff to launch an immediate investigation and wants to penetrate deep, thrusting advances towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

Republicans know a thing, or two, or three about upholding standards and are infamous for getting to the bottom of things. And when all else fails, they turn to God for the answer. And God is always right! But when Republican God isn’t available, Darrell Issa makes for an excellent stand-in.

Rep. Darrell E. Issa is a GOP icon and for good reason. He is serving as chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee and has a knack for simultaneously crying like a little girl and being a dick. He feels the agency’s leadership needs to be held accountable and hinted that the weekend incident wasn’t the first. Darrell Issa knows that one can not stop at just one crime.

“The investigation will not be about the 11 to 20 or more involved; it will be about how has this happened and how often has this happened before. Things like this don’t happen once.”

Aggressive action is already taking place and Republicans are making headway into the matter. GOP investigators have all but forgotten about the female prostitutes and are spending all of their time concentrating on the thought of five servicemen in a small hot hotel room alone on a Saturday night. This will be the focus of their investigation and resources may be needed for various re-enactments ensuring another quality Republican probe is finished. [WashTimes]

 

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{ 186 comments }

Barb April 16, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Some dickweed at Huffing Post last night was bitching about the fact that the Secret Service stays at the same hotel as the POTUS. Should they stay 14 miles down the road? Duh!

Mojopo April 16, 2012 at 6:03 pm

I'm so over HP, Barb. For the first time ever, I sent a note to complain about the moderators. I got a note back saying that they were worried someone might take a comment of mine wrong, in which I was asking about a politician's college background. WTF? Meanwhile, people with extra chromosomes are posting left and right (ex. the comment you saw), and the haters get to hate with impunity. I'm fucking over them and their tarded posse.

Barb April 16, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I appreciate your point of view, Mojo.
There was a story about a 15 year-old girl in New Mexico who was outed by her school's administration because she was pregnant. The comments were SO horrible. The girl is from the Navajo Nation and the comments made me cringe.

Mojopo April 16, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I remember that. I wanted to find every one of those people and beat them with a tomato stick, with a nail driven into the end of it. It was repulsive. I believe I was called a lez and a whore for siding with the girl. Which I am, but STILL.

Barb April 16, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Love that my friend is a lez and a whore.
No one who posted knows how poor the Navajo Nation is. Many of them still don't have water AT ALL.

tessiee April 17, 2012 at 9:44 am

You can be a lez AND a slut, now?

Callyson April 16, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I'm close to being over HuffyPo myself. The haters on the Sandra Fluke and Trayvon Martin stories have been getting away with WAY too much crap (post-feminist/post-racial society my ass!), and they give you crap for *this*?

They have a few writers that I like so I probably won't stay away entirely, but I know I've been spending less and less time with them.

Mojopo April 16, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I am down to Chris Kelly. He's the only one I tune in for there.

LionHeartSoyDog April 16, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Naomi Klein has written for them, and that was always worth paying attention to.
Since HuffpAol, content has gone downhill.

Terry April 16, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Oh, the "science" and "medical" reporting at HuffPost drove me off there a few years ago. Any kind of crackpot theory is floated as valid, assuming a celeb is blogging or otherwise talking about it.

Uh, no.

Callyson April 16, 2012 at 6:30 pm

If the people who are paying the trolls on HuffyPo knew how utterly ridiculous (more so) they've been sounding lately, they'd save their money.

Chet Kincaid April 16, 2012 at 7:35 pm

I still take a look at HuffPo every day or so, but it's been years since I bothered looking at the comments. Every comment thread is 10,000 comments long, and the comment population is about 50/50 wingtard trolls and softheaded people slow on the uptake.

Barb April 16, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Chet, someone went on a rant and said that Palin is the Veep and McCain is the valid POTUS because Obama was NOT born in the U.S. Do they understand that his mom was a citizen and what that means.

Chet Kincaid April 17, 2012 at 12:17 am

Combining troll AND softheaded, lol. But the other thing about HuffPo in the last year or two is how dumb, sensationalistic, and titillating their headlines have become. Click-whoring at its finest.

Barb April 17, 2012 at 1:39 am

HuffPo is running a story about BeeGees singer, Robin Gibb's "bucket list"

On my bucket list is to live to be 62 years-old, like Robin Gibb.

Fare la Volpe April 17, 2012 at 7:53 am

Their life & style headlines are the worst. Just scrolling down the first page, you'll catch:

PHOTOS: Emma Watson Wears Sheer Dress
VIDEO: Model Dons Revealing String Bikini
POLL: Kim Kardashian Shoots Ping Pong Balls from Vag

Update: I hate when I'm proven right (I don't). On the front page right now is the screeching headline "PHOTOS: Heidi Klum Gets Naked." Honestly, fuck them right in the holes in their heads.

Terry April 16, 2012 at 8:21 pm

They should at least pick up their hookers 14 miles away from the POTUS' hotel.

nounverb911 April 16, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Issa must know plenty of hookers from his car stealing days..

Veritas78 April 16, 2012 at 7:38 pm

…which were simultaneous with his arsonist days. For Republicans, it's "Three Strikes and You're Elected!"

Jukesgrrl April 16, 2012 at 7:46 pm

… are we sure those days are over? After all, "Things like this don’t happen once.”

Negropolis April 16, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Ah, yes; Grand Theft Issa.

nounverb911 April 16, 2012 at 5:26 pm

When is someone going to investigate Peter King's (R-IRA) ties to the IRA?

Limeylizzie April 16, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Don't get me started on that bastard.

PubOption April 16, 2012 at 5:42 pm

He can hate prostitutes and protestants.

horsedreamer_1 April 16, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Belle & Sebastian lyric? Morrissey, maybe?

MosesInvests April 16, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Ah, but the Provos were *white* terrorists, so it's okay.

Negropolis April 16, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Silly, there is no such thing as white terrorists. They are "freedom fighters."

sewollef April 17, 2012 at 8:44 am

In a sad, but real sense… that's what the Provisional IRA set out to be. Since they were attempting to get the occupying British army out of Ireland.

Back in the day, as a whippersnapper I worked as a trainee photo journalist for one of the UK's national newspapers. I was sent to Derry a couple of times. The feeling of hatred there for the British and the Thatcher regime in particular, was palpable.

In my first 5-day stint in Derry I witnessed British paratroopers assault a local catholic housing estate [searching for weapons, they said... intimidation we all believed since they trashed countless people's homes, arrested 'suspected terrorists' and terrified children]; there were at least a half a dozen bomb explosions; two brief firefights between Provos and the RUC/British army… and a couple of 'execution-style' killings. In less than a week.

Derry and Belfast were war zones.

Entering the city centre, meant walking through a caged entrance across the streets and being searched and humiliated while guns were aimed at you.

In a very real sense, this was an occupying power and it's no wonder the kids in the North grew up wanting to kill the Brits.

The catholic communities in the North had virtually no civil rights, their constituencies were gerrymandered so blatantly it was embarrassing. Protestants dominated all aspects of life, controlled the thugs in police uniform, the local council, housing, social services, virtually all employment opportunities [or lack of them] and used their power to keep the catholics 'out'.

This was a powder keg waiting to explode…. and explode it did. The rabid right in the UK were more than happy to support the protestants… even when it came to that bastard Thatcher allowing 10 captive hunger strikers in Long Kesh prison to die.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I wasn't making a specific judgement on the Provisional IRA, rather a larger point most make that the right seems to have a particularly blind eye when it comes to their own guerillas. I don't want to make any enemies, but I don't think the kingdom needs Northern Ireland, particularly when you see what's about to happen in Scotland. However, I think that we can always agree that blowing up civilians in response to a military occupation on the other side is still very much terrorism.

SexySmurf April 16, 2012 at 5:26 pm

David Vitter already volunteered to be in charge of "fact finding."

Limeylizzie April 16, 2012 at 5:37 pm

And bottom wiping, also.

bagofmice April 16, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I am wondering if anyone will be cheeky enough to call him in as an expert witness.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 16, 2012 at 6:49 pm

He is famously known in Columbia as "El Diapero."

horsedreamer_1 April 16, 2012 at 6:51 pm

He could always find the kernel of truth.

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 7:08 am

Upfisties for ew value.

OzoneTom April 16, 2012 at 5:29 pm

"A heated exchange…"?

How do you make a hormone?

SexySmurf April 16, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Don't pay her.

Limeylizzie April 16, 2012 at 5:37 pm

What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? You can't make a vit-a-min.

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 7:11 am

Why is Obama's birf certifik… certifiku…certifikit like a hormone?

Limeylizzie April 17, 2012 at 8:32 am

Becoz muslin soschalist?

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 10:20 am

Nah! Because ther both HALF WHITE!!!

FraAnima April 17, 2012 at 9:08 am

Derp der der…

weejee April 16, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Ploughman's Folly Vol. II.

lochnessmonster April 16, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Will we find out how many of the alleged are GOp OR DEMs?

hagajim April 16, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Fucking waste some more of my money on stupid shit King! Why don't we just fire the assholes for being stupid and be done with it. Oh, and the threat of blackmail is pretty fucking small considering the idiots were caught. What is someone gonna threaten to re-expose them as philandering pricks if they don't give them Barry's head…I kinda doubt it.

meatpuppet2 April 16, 2012 at 5:41 pm

urrrum, you realize all they care about is smearing Obama rrright? Since when did Issa or King do something that was not politically motivated?

Fare la Volpe April 17, 2012 at 8:12 am

It looks like 1982. That arson was financially motivated.

peaceocrap April 16, 2012 at 5:31 pm

See? Both sides do it. Republican Congressmen get caught with rentboys, and members of the military & secret service get prostitutes in a country where it's legal, while the President is a D. So really there's lots of shame to go around for both parties.

ph7 April 16, 2012 at 5:33 pm

More jobs exported to cheap foreign labor. $57 for a hooker? How can America compete?

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 7:13 am

Seriously. This could bring the economy to its knees.

HippieEsq April 16, 2012 at 5:33 pm

"Things like this don’t happen once."

Issa then added, "It's important I find out why they stopped inviting me"

iburl April 16, 2012 at 8:41 pm

"But I'm pretty sure this never happened before we had a BLACK president"

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 16, 2012 at 5:33 pm

This is good news for Eliot Spitzer!

SayItWithWookies April 16, 2012 at 5:34 pm

The thought of Darrel Issa investigating anything — much less heading a whole oversight committee — is such an affront to facts, investigation, oversight and integrity in general that he should really be restricted from investigating any situation unless it's more repugnant than he himself is. Which would give him precious little to do, but I'm sure he's still find a way to extract corruption and lies out of it.

Limeylizzie April 16, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Plus, he had on a shirt , today on MSNBC, in a particularly virulent shade of pink which clashed with his orange skin and metallic black, dyed hair.

Fare la Volpe April 16, 2012 at 7:52 pm

I think the Republican caucus won a lifetime supply of boot black shoe polish years back. It's the only explanation.

PubOption April 16, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Back when Ronnie was president?

Fare la Volpe April 16, 2012 at 8:03 pm

More like Tricky Dick.

Limeylizzie April 16, 2012 at 8:24 pm

What accounts for that standard haircut they all have, Ben Nelson has it also. Coincidence, I think not.

SayItWithWookies April 16, 2012 at 8:32 pm

It's the standard male haircut as seen on every kid in every Norman Rockwell painting, as passed down by generations of unimaginative homophobic white fathers to their sons in an odd paternal ritual. My dad cut my brother's and my hair in a slow, painful process that for all I can gather was meant to instill patience and discipline. The first time I went to a barber and he cut my hair in fifteen minutes almost gave me a heart attack.

swordfis April 16, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I strongly suggest to Peter King and Darryl Issa that they spend a week or two guarding the President of the United States with their own lives. Then they can speak with authority. In the meantime, they remain, respectively, a fascist bigot and a reptilian crook. And a pair of opportunistic cowards.

BerkeleyBear April 16, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Well, the delicious irony of Darrell "I was on the security team for Richard Nixon at the World Series, only I wasn't and he never attended the game I claimed he did" Issa judging anyone who actually is in the Secret Service is pretty damn hilarious.

Veritas78 April 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I'm confused. Which is which?

JustPixelz April 16, 2012 at 5:36 pm

When Dubya was president a bunch of people died, but at least no one had sex.

nounverb911 April 16, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Except for the twins.

HempDogbane April 16, 2012 at 6:13 pm

aka dignity in the Oval Office restored.

horsedreamer_1 April 16, 2012 at 6:52 pm

What about the vodka ice channel butt-shots at Bagram?

Jukesgrrl April 16, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Jeff Gannon LIBEL!

DahBoner April 17, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Except for the rapes at Abu Grabe, which couldn't be revealed because they were "too horrible"…

PubOption April 16, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I thought that Barry's main mission at the conference was to explain why he didn't want anyone from Cuba to attend, and that the drug business was an afterthought.

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Kumbaya, motherfucker, kumbaya.

bagofmice April 16, 2012 at 5:41 pm

The not so Secret Service went out "Hiking the Bogota Trail"?

Jukesgrrl April 16, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Yes, it's only no hay problema when the guilty parties are Republican elected officials.

mavenmaven April 16, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Yes, because under the Republicans, operatives had to keep hookers on the government payroll rather than pay by the night: http://wonkette.com/413689/blackwater-allegedly-k

Geminisunmars April 16, 2012 at 5:50 pm

You're better off if you keep 'em on retainer.

OneYieldRegular April 16, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I suspect that any investigation of presidential security details is going to be quickly calmed by the quiet interventions of Presidents 39, 41, 42 and 43, not to mention Jenna and Barb, Nancy Reagan, Roger Clinton, Trish Nixon, and, especially, the ghost of JFK.

Jukesgrrl April 16, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Doesn't Billy Carter even rate a mention?

donner_froh April 16, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Things like this don’t happen once

Guess what–if they don't happen once then they don't happen at all.

DaRooster April 16, 2012 at 5:44 pm

"Hey man, I'm just here for the blow."

donner_froh April 16, 2012 at 5:46 pm

While there are a few things you can explain away to your wife and kids back in Amerikkka about what happened on your trip to Columbia, having your tryst with a lady of negotiable virtue that has been on every front page in the world isn't one of them.

Limeylizzie April 16, 2012 at 5:48 pm
Geminisunmars April 16, 2012 at 5:54 pm

"It's not good — but it's tight."

Limeylizzie April 16, 2012 at 5:59 pm

“Jumping in Cindy's fun-barrell”

fuflans April 16, 2012 at 9:28 pm

i love these and every time i see one wonder why the fuck i haven't been able to come up with something so amusing.

weejee April 16, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Hookers + military + cops; what a totally surprising combination. Julius Caesar, or Charlemagne, or Washington, or Grant would never have allowed this under their watches.

horsedreamer_1 April 16, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Hirohito, also.

Whoremongering doesn't discriminate.

MilwaukeeKent April 16, 2012 at 10:04 pm

At least it would have been more closely supervised

BarackMyWorld April 16, 2012 at 5:51 pm

This is all that grimy pimp Pete Campbell's fault. Someone should punch that guy.

terriblyfamous April 16, 2012 at 5:59 pm

I like how he says things like this don't happen once with such authority. Like he's speaking from a position of experience.

Numbat_Dundee April 16, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I can't see what the problem is. They're sort of cops right? And when has it been anything but the natural order for cops to "cavort with prostitutes"? Or do they do things differently in the US to Australia? Perhaps to frolic would be acceptable but to cavort is considered gauche. Personally, I would just have sex with one or two of the comelier ones, but I'm old fashioned.

Negropolis April 16, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Didn't you hear? All American cops are believed to be Victoria-era gentlemen and would never break any law. That hooker he took downtown that didn't end up downtown? Well, he was just helping her to her home.

I remember locally where I live there was a cop who was known to pick up prostitutes and troll the strip clubs. He was accused of raping one of them, but when the trial came, she was too scared to testify so they had to drop the case.

glamourdammerung April 17, 2012 at 1:53 am

I could see a valid issue in not wanting the security detail for the President of the United States to do things that could turn into blackmail.

tessiee April 17, 2012 at 9:50 am

"Perhaps to frolic would be acceptable but to cavort is considered gauche."

Gallivanting is still OK, though, right?

Texan_Bulldog April 16, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Somehow this is Barry's fault, right? His anti-American moral weakness must have been contagious. I mean why can't those agents buy hookers in America like good God fearing Republicans?

Monsieur_Grumpe April 16, 2012 at 6:11 pm

This requires more “research”, wink, wink, nudge, nudge say no more.

Mojopo April 16, 2012 at 6:13 pm

You mean to tell me they've got blow AND hookers in Columbia? Stop the frigging presses! This may go down as the first time in the history of ever that military personnel paid women for sex. I never heard of such a thing in my whole life!

weejee April 16, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Especially since the military lost their rape & plunder clause of yore.

littlebigdaddy April 16, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Still, sounds like a good time until they got caught!

Barb April 16, 2012 at 6:14 pm

OT: Newt Gingrich Bitten By Penguin At St. Louis Zoo.
I hope the penguin is okay.

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Barb, I pretty sure amphibians are in the penguins food pyramid.

BerkeleyBear April 16, 2012 at 7:21 pm

No one should have to eat a Newt.

McDonnellville April 16, 2012 at 7:13 pm

That penguin must have been one of those gay liberal ones I occasionally hear about.

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 7:33 pm

What does a penguin wear to a black tie affair?

Fare la Volpe April 16, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Fabulous heels.

MosesInvests April 16, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Waak, waak, waak!

C_R_Eature April 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Burgess Meredith gets nasty when he's pissed.

Jukesgrrl April 16, 2012 at 8:06 pm

You mean that well-known Communist Burgess Meredith? Not only blacklisted by McCarthy, but once married to flaming radical and modern art collector Paulette Goddard, who lived in sin with Charlie Chaplin then post-Meredith shacked up with peacenik author Erich Maria Remarque? If he were still alive, I have every faith he would take a big hunk out of Newt Gingrich, penguin get-up or not.

C_R_Eature April 16, 2012 at 8:14 pm

That's the one. To be fair, I would have taken a huge chunk out of Gingrich because he's pissed me off for so many years, but Burgess would have had even more reason.

I can hear his trademark laugh as he stands over Gingrich's thrashing, obese form and lands several swift, solid kicks at his miniature BALLS.

trampndirtdown April 16, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Well good for Carl Levin.

MilwaukeeKent April 17, 2012 at 12:05 am

Could be the start of a whole new disease that humans have no known resistance to, so Newt should be kept in isolation conditions for 30 days or so, under 24 hour a day observation.

GunToting[Redacted] April 17, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Just to be safe, we should seal Newt in a lead coffin and drop him into the ocean. Can't be too careful.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 2:33 am

Oh, shit. DeVito's on a bender, again, isn't he?

DahBoner April 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Nuns don't go down, but they bite???

Mojopo April 16, 2012 at 6:19 pm

The problem, gentle people, is that the secret service didn't hike the Appalachian Trail or gay sext some interns.

If only some of the men wore diapers with these hookers, we wouldn't have to read about the awful details. Let that be a lesson to YOU, sirs.

metamarcisf April 16, 2012 at 6:22 pm

It's Vitter Time.

Guppy April 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm

The GOP should put him in charge of the investigation. He brings a great deal of experience, after all.

Callyson April 16, 2012 at 6:29 pm

This reminds me, I *really* need to get laid.

Steverino247 April 16, 2012 at 6:36 pm

You could take a tip from the PETA ad and "Meet your Meat."

Guppy April 16, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Put it on the grocery list.

Fare la Volpe April 17, 2012 at 8:16 am

__ Eggs
__ Milk
__ Hookers
__ Cakes we like

proudgrampa April 16, 2012 at 6:34 pm

So Rep. King "…wants to penetrate deep, thrusting advances towards the light at the end of the tunnel."

LOL!

Callyson April 16, 2012 at 6:40 pm

"Things like this don’t happen once.”

Indeed they don't:

Issa…has said that his unit provided security for President Richard Nixon, sweeping stadiums for bombs prior to games in the 1971 World Series, and that he had always received the highest approval ratings during his service. A 1998 investigation by the San Francisco Examiner found that these claims were not true and Nixon had not attended any of that year's World Series games. The investigation also found that Issa was transferred to a supply depot after receiving an unsatisfactory evaluation…

A fellow soldier, Jay Bergey, claimed that Issa stole his Dodge Charger in 1971 while they were serving together and that the day after he confronted Issa the car was found abandoned on a nearby expressway. Asked about this charge in 2011, Issa denied it and suggested it was possible that other soldiers stole the car or that Bergey, who he claims had a drinking problem, had abandoned it himself while intoxicated."

After receiving a hardship discharge in 1972…Twice during that year he was arrested.[citation needed] In March, Issa and his brother William were charged with stealing a Maserati from a dealer's showroom in Cleveland. Issa says it was a matter of mistaken identity by the Cleveland Heights police…

Before that had happened, in December 1972, police in Adrian pulled Issa over for going the wrong way on a one-way street and, as he was retrieving his registration, saw in the car's glove compartment what turned out to be a .25-caliber Colt semi-automatic handgun inside an ammunition box, along with a military pouch containing 44 rounds, a tear gas gun and two rounds for that. Issa was charged with carrying a concealed weapon; ultimately he pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of possession of an unregistered firearm. He was sentenced to six months' probation and paid a small fine.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darrell_Issa

Time to investigate!

Veritas78 April 16, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Don't forget the arson and insurance fraud.

Jukesgrrl April 16, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Too bad the voters didn't. I guess it's just too much to read someone's Wiki entry before you pull that lever.

fuflans April 16, 2012 at 9:36 pm

how old is this guy?

seriously like john maccain old.

Exhausted66 April 16, 2012 at 6:40 pm

"Things like this don’t happen once."

Yes. Nothing ever happens a first time.

BlueStateLibel April 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Do not try to pull your fancy logic on cons when they're out on the sex trail of sexy Secret Service guys

BlueStateLibel April 16, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Oh goody, I'm looking forward to lots of old icky Repubs describing sex acts…this will be as much fun as the Lewinsky witch trials.

user-of-owls April 16, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Lo que pasa en Colombia, se queda en Colombia.

Jukesgrrl April 16, 2012 at 7:53 pm

As they say at the Hard Rock Medellín.

Negropolis April 16, 2012 at 10:38 pm

That's been true for a very long time. The cocaine doesn't process, itself, you know.

flamingpdog April 16, 2012 at 11:25 pm

There are se quedas in Colombia? Wonkette is so educational!

user-of-owls April 17, 2012 at 12:03 am

Why yes, there are. But contrary to the assertions of some demented paraco wannabes here, Miss Se's disreputable brother Al is not in residence.

horsedreamer_1 April 16, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I always knew there was a FARK-FARC connection.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 7:11 pm

In anoter dispatch from the Weird South American News department: empanadas are people too.

DerrickWildcat April 16, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Didn't those Bush girls get kicked out of South America for taking all of their drugs?

Jukesgrrl April 16, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Yes, Jenna and Barbara partied so hard down there you'd THINK there's nothing left. But cocaine is like Doritos. “Crunch all you want, we'll make more.® ”

Jukesgrrl April 16, 2012 at 7:47 pm

If Peter Issa says, "Things like this don’t happen once," is he confessing that his life of crime is far from over?

voodooeconomics April 16, 2012 at 8:03 pm

The service was not so secret after all, but haggle about price with a foreign whore on foreign soil was the ultimate chutzpah. You pay what the bitch want..u p f r o n t.

misanthrope April 17, 2012 at 12:05 am

It's rude not to negotiate, it's their culture.

rocktonsam April 16, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I'm planning my vacation to Columbia.

Two questions.

Is pot legal and are there golf courses?

DahBoner April 17, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Possesion yes. Selling or possibly buying it, no.

They have different grades. Most of what is sold on the street is overpriced crap. You need to find a rasta (hard to find) or an educated Columbian who has good connections to get the hydro grown in greenhouses, called "El Cripe".

Also, don't buy in Cartagena–it's the most expensive city there and they don't grow it there, so a taxi driver might charge $100 for a gram of schwag…

Biff April 16, 2012 at 8:14 pm

1.) Shoulda paid the girl.
2.) Shoulda hired more than one girl.

littlebigdaddy April 16, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Yeah, what's the saying? You don't pay the girl for sex, you pay her to go away after sex, and not go to the police, hotel security, or whatever. What a bunch of fratboys.

Negropolis April 16, 2012 at 10:40 pm

No to the second one. They'll rob you blind.

Safety first, my good man.

littlebigdaddy April 16, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Good thing the summit wasn't in Brazil. Cuz' a lotta those hookers are trannies, or so I am told.

ElPinche April 16, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Republicans will put their best of the best investigators…O'Keefe and Breitbart hologram (ala Tupac) . NObama is soooo fucked! I bet he hugged someone!

ElPinche April 16, 2012 at 8:43 pm

"Things like this don’t happen once.”

Of course, Issa, an extraordinary arsonist and an expert in insurance fraud would know this. .

mavenmaven April 16, 2012 at 9:21 pm
Angry_Marmot April 17, 2012 at 12:15 am

Next time he could maybe pet the Komodo dragon?

Fare la Volpe April 17, 2012 at 8:27 am

I know a copperhead family dying for a photo-op.

glamourdammerung April 17, 2012 at 1:50 am

Like I told my friend that mentioned this, I hope the penguin survived. Though I would be fine with the penguin having rabies too.

Generation[redacted] April 17, 2012 at 2:06 am

He's just not doing well with any demographic

fuflans April 16, 2012 at 9:31 pm

wtf else you gonna do in cartagena?

Soylent Green April 16, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Outrageous! Secret Service personnel acting like Republican Congressman?

imissopus April 16, 2012 at 11:20 pm

No no, these were apparently female prostitutes.

glamourdammerung April 17, 2012 at 1:52 am

I did not see any mention of wearing diapers and defecating on themselves.

Negropolis April 16, 2012 at 10:08 pm

This has the smell of how Whitewater turned into Lewinsky-gate, except that this is not Whitewater, and there will be no Lewinsky, so tough nuggets, GOP.

BTW, said it in another thread, but the only scandalous thing about this "scandal" is that they didn't pay their prostitutes. If anyone thinks this is the first time foreign dignitaries and their staff have played out their vices in foreign lands, they are kidding themselves.

That said, I can assure you Hillary & Co. had a lot more fun out of this trip than the Secret Service boys, and without the risk of contracting STDs, to boot. And, really, guys. Hookers-and-blow in Colombia? How gauche. That's like going to New York and only seeing the Empire State Building.

MilwaukeeKent April 16, 2012 at 10:19 pm

It was a 40-47 dollar dispute — What the hell is wrong with the idiot who wouldn't pay it? "The money's on the dresser, Honey — in my bedroom in Northern Virginia! Ha! Ha! Ha!" I'll bet all involved are really happy that Officer Bob or whomever is a cheap bastard.

gogogodzilla April 16, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

SexySmurf April 16, 2012 at 11:15 pm

O/T Herman Cain Rally at the Capitol Fails Spectacularly.

The best part:
The registration for three events — a Sunday reception, Monday morning seminar, and Monday afternoon rally — was free, and included a boxed lunch.

For a free lunch, I would've watched Pizzachu sing Pokemon songs or kill small animals or what ever for an hour. I've done worse.

flamingpdog April 16, 2012 at 11:32 pm

If you hold a rally and nobody comes, BLAME YO'SELF!

Jukesgrrl April 17, 2012 at 6:12 am

Would you listen to Ted Nugent?

SudsMcKenzie April 17, 2012 at 8:02 am

ohhh Shucky Ducky!

imissopus April 17, 2012 at 12:05 am

OT but Diane Sawyer was interviewing Willardsworth Mittington Romney today. Asked if he had anything to say to the president, Mittens responded, "Start packing."

Ah, MItt. It's true what they say, money can't buy class.

MilwaukeeKent April 17, 2012 at 12:33 am

Sounds like he's still high off the NRA convention. Strange advice to give to a standing President with full, competent security detail…oh, wait.

Jukesgrrl April 17, 2012 at 6:26 am

Snark off: SERIOUSLY, can you believe the shit said that? With Mrs. Cleaver sitting beside him smirking? Can you, in your wildest imagination, picture Barack Obama saying anything that crass in front of a television camera? Even if he thought it, he would never SAY it. Honestly, I know it's not that big a deal in the larger scheme of things, but nothing's made me madder this week. You'd think a presidential candidate could at least PRETEND his fellow citizens are his American-equals? But I guess not, only plutocrats need apply. Even the Leader of the Free World doesn't get into Willard's country club.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 6:57 am

It was both surprising, and then not very surprising, at all. Mitt is painted as this kind of well-meaning doof, and I've never quite got that, because he has a very dark and petty side to him, a kind of pettiness of a John Mccain and uncouthness that is similar to Palin's. He will say the stupidest and most untoward shit, but he gets away with it because he's a "better." This man is as mean as a snake when you give him the opportunity. I've said it before, but he's like a very bad copy of the Republicans of yore, someone who looks the part, but who is firmly a part of our modern, petty politics.

Jukesgrrl April 17, 2012 at 5:12 pm

“Dark and petty.”That's very good.And you're right about it being reminiscent of Lou Sarah.

BarackMyWorld April 17, 2012 at 2:54 am

OT, but if I hear one more Republican pundit say "Romney needs to keep talking about the economy" I'm going to flip out and start slapping people.

The only thing Mitt has to say about the economy is we need more tax cuts for the rich and more deregulation, and to cut spending on human services…yeah, that'll sell.

glamourdammerung April 17, 2012 at 3:15 am

I am fine with Romney bringing up those exact points.

SudsMcKenzie April 17, 2012 at 8:08 am

At the end of the day, its a third rail, I'm going to have to leave it right there.

ttommyunger April 17, 2012 at 7:47 am

Factoid: Issa is the wealthiest Member of Congress, worth a reported $400 Mil. Who says crime doesn't pay? King, on the other hand, is the stupidest Member of Congress with Shelly Bachmann and others closing fast on his heels.

SudsMcKenzie April 17, 2012 at 8:05 am

Did they get their Colombian Marching orders?

gurukalehuru April 17, 2012 at 8:46 am

Don't dance the wild hula
if you ain't got the moolah

gurukalehuru April 17, 2012 at 8:46 am

Don't touch the wild honey
if you ain't got the money

niblick77 April 17, 2012 at 8:46 am

Issa is planning a 'fact' finding mission to Columbia to get to the heart of the matter.

outragedcitizen April 17, 2012 at 9:28 am

Secret Service agents screwing around with prostitutes the night before the President arrives.That seems eerily familiar. Let's see, oh, yes, Dallas, November 1963.

tessiee April 17, 2012 at 9:41 am

"Rep. Darrell E. Issa [...] has a knack for simultaneously crying like a little girl and being a dick."

And this distinguishes him from the rest of the repukes — how?
It's like Mom said, bullies are cowards.

tessiee April 17, 2012 at 9:58 am

I get the feeling that my evil moron cow-irker, the one who said, "I don't like Obama's morals", is right this minute thinking, "If we had a white President, this never would have happened".

DahBoner April 17, 2012 at 1:47 pm

drinking excessively

According to the NIDA, this is the most common cause of death, when using the much-safer drug cocaine…

Gunner Asch April 17, 2012 at 12:03 am

Not just dads. My mom kept me writhing in the kitchen chair for eternity while she painstakingly used the electric shears to create a 1/4" buzz cut just like every other kid in the 50's had. Why it took longer than 3 minutes eluded me till now.

Boojum April 17, 2012 at 7:07 am

There's a hole in my bucket list.

tessiee April 17, 2012 at 9:43 am

I'd like to make as much money as Robin Gibb; can I put that on my bucket list?

tessiee April 17, 2012 at 9:48 am

OTOH, if the barber/hairdresser can't do a better job than Mom or Dad, they're probably in the wrong profession.

sewollef April 18, 2012 at 7:11 am

Oh I completely understand… and am in agreement with you about the 'white terrorists' thing. The Provos were certainly that.

Living in London and witnessing the devastation that bomb attacks had on the communities there made me hate them and that aspect of their campaign.

I just thought I'd add a perspective — from a Brit's view — that's rarely discussed from that period in the North. Although I've lived in NYC for years now, the New Yorker's sometime warm and fuzzy feelings for all things Irish, including the IRA makes me smile.

In a nutshell… like virtually all the left back then, I supported their aims, but deplored their methods.

GOP dick Peter King however, was happy to overlook their methods while fundraising for their aims.

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