Oh, hello, beasts of burden. Remember me? I’m good ol’ Sara Benincasa, your friend from the days of a kkkolumn called Barry Can You Hear Me? Well now I am Back, hahaha, and more terrible than ever. So terrible, in fact, that tonight I am hosting a party for the feared chieftainesses of wimmin’s lib right here in New York City, a place where I am and maybe you are as well! It is called The 5th Annual Roe on the Rocks Benefit for Planned Parenthood of NYC, and it is going to be so very much fun.
Anyhoozles, I am very nervous about this rock and roll show because I want to do a very good job and make the feminists laff in the midst of our current collective Vale of Tears. Basically, I am Bob Hope and we are at War against the people who are at War on Womynz, so I will wear a suit and talk into an old-fashioned microphone and bring up a ditzy, zazzy pin-up gal to rally the troops, and the troops will drink champagne and laugh about old tymes and then ask each other why it is, exactly, that in 2012 elected, educated, adult human officials believe “birth control” is something made by witches with mortar and pestle under a waxing moon during the Rutting Season. You could be there! You SHOULD be there!
In my imagination, this post has been like the part at the end of “Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves” when Sean Connery growls “I object!” when Robin of Locksley is trying to marry Mary Elizabeth Curlyhairionio and everyone turns and is like, “SURPRISE CAMEO IT IS SEAN CONNERY!” and then he smiles and says, “Because I want to give away the bride” or whatever. Except this post has been about feminism, and I am not “heroic” King Richard back from murdering innocent Muslamics, and I am not Scottish. But. Thanks to the powers of your betwitching editrix, I have indeed returned. So you should come out to celebrate uteruses and Wonkette tonight at this shindig in NYC.
I have really missed you.
Here are your basic details:
When: Monday, April 16 at 8 p.m.
Where: Highline Ballroom, 431 West 16th St., New York City
What: 5th Annual Roe on the Rocks Benefit for Planned Parenthood NYC
How Much Do I Pay: $30 or $75 if you want to do a meet and greet with me and get champagne, you nuts!
{ 113 comments }
"Basically, I am Bob Hope and we are at War against the people who are at War on Womynz…"
Fun fact. Bob Hope was never actually funny.
Whew! I thought it was just me.
Still, just to be safe, bring a putter and make golf jokes, Sara.
Well, at least you don't have to bring along B-grade movie starlets for there to be big boobs on the stage.
Pussy! Pussy! Rah Rah Rah!
I can fly down from here in New Zealand to New York…for some live lesbo licks…
Tits or GTFO!
Wrong end.
Uteri or GTFO!
You sound like a Uterrorist.
That's ectopic for a different discussion
Nah, just a fellow peon.
A post about feminism that mentions Sean Connery? That's like a post about common sense that mentions Newt Gingrich.
Newt's problem is simply hubris.
He is King Gnute, trying to explain the tides.
Vaginas and uteruses get all the press. Why are ovaries so rarely mentioned? And don't get me started on fallopian tubes!
What? Every day, millions of people ask for eggs ovariesy!
In other news, that post gave me chlamydia.
Chlamydia, the tabooed lady
Ladies are like the internet: A series of tubes.
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
My prostate refuses to be a second-class citizen!
Will there be complementary abortions?
"What a lovely vacuum curettage you have there, Mrs. Cleaver!"
Oh, look who's fancy now!
Also, please come back, too.
Is that near the swingers/sex hotel over the High Line? Vaginas get a workout there.
Aw, this West Coast slut is jealous that she can't go see you. Any chance of a national tour?
In fact, there may be a West Coast event in your future, involving my butt (and the rest of me.) Stay TUNED!
Who, now?
Oh, no you di'int! You will learn to fear our adjunct editirix.
Thanks to the powers of your betwitching editrix
And which parts be she twitchin', darlin'?
Twitchin' in concert.
BRB
Tommy Roe is performing?
Oh fuck! Now I've got "Dizzy" as an earworm!
Awww, you sweet pea.
Could be worse: "Jam Up And Jelly Tight"
Covering the Beatles' "I Am the Eggman", no doubt,
I thought "Roe on the Rocks" meant they were serving caviar on ice.
Well, some eggs, at any rate…
I assume all of the proceeds will go to making a Vagina/Abortion Clinic so spectacular that the gods themselves will weep?
I got yer back, Benincasa.
You wish.
DIBZ BITCHEZ!!
Sarah, as a New Yorker who's performed on stage for some of the same people you'll be confronted with, let me give you this piece of advice:
Imagine your audience naked.
Because half of them are doing the same thing to you.
I always do when I'm commenting.
I really have to turn off my webcam. NO FREE SHOWS!
Imagining Sara naked now…fap.
Only half? Sara Benincasa libel!!
I'm assuming there will be SOME straight ladies in the audience.
I don't know if this is really her–not nearly abusive enough to us.
Oh, it's me, you fucking troglodyte anus hair.
Yep, that's her.
That takes me back.
Good god almighty, I love you.
"Crotch crotch crotch crotch crotch crotch crotch!" (stolen from Tales of the City)
Due to a prior commitment–a Contra(ception) Dance–I will not be in attendance.
A benefit for Planned Parenthood? Hasn't president-presumptive Romney vowed to "get rid of all that"?
Sara, I won't be able to to see you as I'm languishing in another city that used to be a national capital (hint — President Jefferson lived here — Jefferson Davis, that is). But I will think of vagina this evening, if that helps.
Richmond? Montgomery?
(I am a graduate of Jefferson Davis High School in Montgomery. Not a proud graduate, just a graduate.)
Richmond, a city still debating whether it should move beyond its faded grandeur or live on it.
DAT SECOND PARAGRAPH
Hey Sara! I saw you at the Abortionplex last week and couldn't catch up with you because I didn't want to spill my 2 cups of beer.
It's cool, I was totally getting a sweet tattoo of a Japanese character that means "butthole." It's on my shoulder, cause.
How about you throw a linkie up so that we can order your book, please.
yes we are so glad there are funny feminazis like you because we didn't have any back in the day-& you're the best! We miss you, & put your book link up.
Since can't make it tonite,will make a donation to PP.
Oh & congrats on the wedding plans!
I'd go but I'm not near NYC right now.
I'll be there in spirit because I'm 100% pro-vagina . . . but I'm not giving that big pussy Mitt fifty grand.
"Pussy Mitt"
Is that like a femidom?
Mittens as sperm catching girl rubber?
Yea, maybe.
Hi Sara! Welcome back! I'd be there, but it's like a 10-hr drive.
Thank you!
Look, is your uterus going to play the piano or not?
Play 'em off, keyboard crotch…
It's so cute the way it squints at the end…
Benincasa is #teamuterati?
You brought her, you 'benincasa' her. Never mind, that doesn't work.
Sorry, but there's only one "Fiesta" going on tonight and for the next two weeks, and it's right here in
my pantsSan Antonio TX.I'd go, Sara, but I have to scrub Mother's boils tonight.
Rick?
I am not “heroic” King Richard
It has been quite the winter of discontent[edness] without you here, Sara.
I really did miss you guys so much.
Sara! What happened to your p? Can I offer my p-ness?
You disappear for months, you don't write, you don't call, and now all of a sudden you're back in our life, asking for money?! You make us feel so cheap.
Hey, I AM cheap!
Pfft, I wrote to her on teh Facebook,, but she never wrote back!
I still luvs her, though.
And I'm Bob Hope's brother, No Hope *rimshot*
Is it really appropriate for a feminist event to feature a champagne room? And what kind of cocktail is fish roe on ice? I'm just confused.
You forgot the alt text. You're dead to us!
Is that an organ on your piano?
I'm glad you're back.
I have a knitting pattern for that uterus.
Me too!!
That is a euphemism, yes? DO NOT SAY NO, FOR A LITTLE WHILE PLZ
http://knitty.com/ISSUEwinter04/PATTwomb.html
DARN IT
I had someone knit one just like it. I plan on giving it to Saxby Chambliss, as he obviously needs one of his own.
No more knitting needles!!!
http://superpunch.blogspot.com/2008/09/bob-hope-o…
We missed you too, Sara. Your book was great.
Sara, do you ever come to Atlanta?
Please?
I crocheted 2 uteri- one was with me at the Supreme Court Rally and then I mailed it to Rick Perry- I have not received a thank you note yet. The second one is coming with me to the April 28 War on Women rally in DC.
Thanks to the powers of your betwitching editrix, I have indeed returned.
Ditto to all the adoration above, but I have to kneel before our betwitching editrix and offer any personal services she might desire for allowing our agorafabulous sweetheart to come back into our awaiting arms (and any other body parts she might be willing to share with us).
EDIT: Is there any way a poor slob at teh Wonkette can get your book personally signed, sweet Sara?
Don't forget to introduce Charo.
Will Betty White be there?
Damn! I should've checked my Wonkette at work today. I could've gotten off the 1 train at 14th Street, on my way home.
i will be in NY very soon but not today damn damn damn
break a leg lovely lady. show 'em your tubes!
and please come back to us often.
We missed you. That is all.
Thank you! I missed you back.
Yes, Sara, but will there be dressage horses? Ann Romney's counter event has dressage horses.
Mmmm…bacon and garlic ranch dressage….
Odd, the only time I hear from Sarah lately is when she is wanting the moneez. Hmmmm. Oh, wait! She is a wimminz!
sarasarasara…have missed you so. Am packing my vagina right now, toothbrush check, bedbug spray check, checks check…
Raggedy Ann's ladyparts are giving me a funny feeling. I think I have a wooly.
Welcome back to the Monkey House.
Benincasa, you magnificent podcaster! I'm reading your book!
Watch out though – I hear Newt Gingrinch is stealing your schtick & plans to call his autobiography Megalomarvelous.
Well, iburl grabbed the book, and it fell open to be read now….
Or that time my ex went off with the cabana boy to investigate remodeling schemes in the Seychelles.
Comments on this entry are closed.