Oh, hello, beasts of burden. Remember me? I’m good ol’ Sara Benincasa, your friend from the days of a kkkolumn called Barry Can You Hear Me? Well now I am Back, hahaha, and more terrible than ever. So terrible, in fact, that tonight I am hosting a party for the feared chieftainesses of wimmin’s lib right here in New York City, a place where I am and maybe you are as well! It is called The 5th Annual Roe on the Rocks Benefit for Planned Parenthood of NYC, and it is going to be so very much fun.

Anyhoozles, I am very nervous about this rock and roll show because I want to do a very good job and make the feminists laff in the midst of our current collective Vale of Tears. Basically, I am Bob Hope and we are at War against the people who are at War on Womynz, so I will wear a suit and talk into an old-fashioned microphone and bring up a ditzy, zazzy pin-up gal to rally the troops, and the troops will drink champagne and laugh about old tymes and then ask each other why it is, exactly, that in 2012 elected, educated, adult human officials believe “birth control” is something made by witches with mortar and pestle under a waxing moon during the Rutting Season. You could be there! You SHOULD be there!

In my imagination, this post has been like the part at the end of “Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves” when Sean Connery growls “I object!” when Robin of Locksley is trying to marry Mary Elizabeth Curlyhairionio and everyone turns and is like, “SURPRISE CAMEO IT IS SEAN CONNERY!” and then he smiles and says, “Because I want to give away the bride” or whatever. Except this post has been about feminism, and I am not “heroic” King Richard back from murdering innocent Muslamics, and I am not Scottish. But. Thanks to the powers of your betwitching editrix, I have indeed returned. So you should come out to celebrate uteruses and Wonkette tonight at this shindig in NYC.

I have really missed you.

Here are your basic details:

When: Monday, April 16 at 8 p.m.
Where: Highline Ballroom, 431 West 16th St., New York City
What: 5th Annual Roe on the Rocks Benefit for Planned Parenthood NYC
How Much Do I Pay: $30 or $75 if you want to do a meet and greet with me and get champagne, you nuts!

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  • GunToting[Redacted]

    "Basically, I am Bob Hope and we are at War against the people who are at War on Womynz…"

    Fun fact. Bob Hope was never actually funny.

  • Pussy! Pussy! Rah Rah Rah!

    • DWW

      I can fly down from here in New Zealand to New York…for some live lesbo licks…

  • FraAnima

    Tits or GTFO!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Wrong end.

      • FraAnima

        Uteri or GTFO!

        • iburl

          You sound like a Uterrorist.

          • That's ectopic for a different discussion

          • jqheywood

            Well, iburl grabbed the book, and it fell open to be read now….

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Nah, just a fellow peon.

  • A post about feminism that mentions Sean Connery? That's like a post about common sense that mentions Newt Gingrich.

    • Boojum

      Newt's problem is simply hubris.

      He is King Gnute, trying to explain the tides.

  • Come here a minute

    Vaginas and uteruses get all the press. Why are ovaries so rarely mentioned? And don't get me started on fallopian tubes!

    • What? Every day, millions of people ask for eggs ovariesy!

      • CommieLibunatic

        In other news, that post gave me chlamydia.

    • JustPixelz

      Ladies are like the internet: A series of tubes.

      • SaraJBenincasa


    • V572 Fehrnstrom

      My prostate refuses to be a second-class citizen!

  • Schmannnity

    Will there be complementary abortions?

    • "What a lovely vacuum curettage you have there, Mrs. Cleaver!"

  • LesBontemps

    Oh, look who's fancy now!

    Also, please come back, too.

  • IncenseDebate

    Is that near the swingers/sex hotel over the High Line? Vaginas get a workout there.

  • Callyson

    Aw, this West Coast slut is jealous that she can't go see you. Any chance of a national tour?

    • SaraJBenincasa

      In fact, there may be a West Coast event in your future, involving my butt (and the rest of me.) Stay TUNED!

  • Who, now?

    • Negropolis

      Oh, no you di'int! You will learn to fear our adjunct editirix.

  • Thanks to the powers of your betwitching editrix

    And which parts be she twitchin', darlin'?

    • Boojum

      Twitchin' in concert.


  • Blueb4sunrise

    Tommy Roe is performing?

    • Oh fuck! Now I've got "Dizzy" as an earworm!

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Awww, you sweet pea.

        • Could be worse: "Jam Up And Jelly Tight"

    • JustPixelz

      Covering the Beatles' "I Am the Eggman", no doubt,

    • LesBontemps

      I thought "Roe on the Rocks" meant they were serving caviar on ice.

      • Well, some eggs, at any rate…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I assume all of the proceeds will go to making a Vagina/Abortion Clinic so spectacular that the gods themselves will weep?

  • Extemporanus

    I got yer back, Benincasa.

    • You wish.

      • Extemporanus

        SaraJBenincasa 84p · 5 minutes ago

        In fact, there may be a West Coast event in your future, involving my butt (and the rest of me.) Stay TUNED!

        DIBZ BITCHEZ!!

  • Sarah, as a New Yorker who's performed on stage for some of the same people you'll be confronted with, let me give you this piece of advice:

    Imagine your audience naked.

    Because half of them are doing the same thing to you.

    • I always do when I'm commenting.

      • I really have to turn off my webcam. NO FREE SHOWS!

    • FraAnima

      Imagining Sara naked now…fap.

    • Boojum

      Only half? Sara Benincasa libel!!

      • I'm assuming there will be SOME straight ladies in the audience.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    I don't know if this is really her–not nearly abusive enough to us.

    • SaraJBenincasa

      Oh, it's me, you fucking troglodyte anus hair.

      • LesBontemps

        Yep, that's her.

      • GhostBuggy

        That takes me back.

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        Good god almighty, I love you.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "Crotch crotch crotch crotch crotch crotch crotch!" (stolen from Tales of the City)

  • coolhandnuke

    Due to a prior commitment–a Contra(ception) Dance–I will not be in attendance.

  • V572 Fehrnstrom

    A benefit for Planned Parenthood? Hasn't president-presumptive Romney vowed to "get rid of all that"?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Sara, I won't be able to to see you as I'm languishing in another city that used to be a national capital (hint — President Jefferson lived here — Jefferson Davis, that is). But I will think of vagina this evening, if that helps.

    • Richmond? Montgomery?

      (I am a graduate of Jefferson Davis High School in Montgomery. Not a proud graduate, just a graduate.)

      • SayItWithWookies

        Richmond, a city still debating whether it should move beyond its faded grandeur or live on it.

  • CommieLibunatic


  • Barb

    Hey Sara! I saw you at the Abortionplex last week and couldn't catch up with you because I didn't want to spill my 2 cups of beer.

    • SaraJBenincasa

      It's cool, I was totally getting a sweet tattoo of a Japanese character that means "butthole." It's on my shoulder, cause.

      • Barb

        How about you throw a linkie up so that we can order your book, please.

      • shirleyplz

        yes we are so glad there are funny feminazis like you because we didn't have any back in the day-& you're the best! We miss you, & put your book link up.
        Since can't make it tonite,will make a donation to PP.
        Oh & congrats on the wedding plans!

  • I'd go but I'm not near NYC right now.

    I'll be there in spirit because I'm 100% pro-vagina . . . but I'm not giving that big pussy Mitt fifty grand.

    • sullivanst

      "Pussy Mitt"

      Is that like a femidom?

      • Mittens as sperm catching girl rubber?

        Yea, maybe.

  • qwerty42

    Hi Sara! Welcome back! I'd be there, but it's like a 10-hr drive.

    • SaraJBenincasa

      Thank you!

  • gullywompr

    Look, is your uterus going to play the piano or not?

    • Extemporanus

      Play 'em off, keyboard crotch…

      • jetjaguar

        It's so cute the way it squints at the end…

  • bagofmice

    Benincasa is #teamuterati?

  • An_Outhouse

    You brought her, you 'benincasa' her. Never mind, that doesn't work.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Sorry, but there's only one "Fiesta" going on tonight and for the next two weeks, and it's right here in my pants San Antonio TX.

  • I'd go, Sara, but I have to scrub Mother's boils tonight.

    • Boojum


  • I am not “heroic” King Richard

    It has been quite the winter of discontent[edness] without you here, Sara.

    • SaraJBenincasa

      I really did miss you guys so much.

      • Boojum

        Sara! What happened to your p? Can I offer my p-ness?

  • You disappear for months, you don't write, you don't call, and now all of a sudden you're back in our life, asking for money?! You make us feel so cheap.

    • LesBontemps

      Hey, I AM cheap!

    • flamingpdog

      Pfft, I wrote to her on teh Facebook,, but she never wrote back!

      I still luvs her, though.

  • mavenmaven

    And I'm Bob Hope's brother, No Hope *rimshot*

  • el_donaldo

    Is it really appropriate for a feminist event to feature a champagne room? And what kind of cocktail is fish roe on ice? I'm just confused.

  • Guppy

    Oh, hello, beasts of burden. Remember me?

    You forgot the alt text. You're dead to us!

  • Exhausted66

    Is that an organ on your piano?

  • Hera Sent Me

    I'm glad you're back.

  • Limeylizzie

    I have a knitting pattern for that uterus.

    • Gleem McShineys

      Me too!!

      That is a euphemism, yes? DO NOT SAY NO, FOR A LITTLE WHILE PLZ

    • Boojum

      I had someone knit one just like it. I plan on giving it to Saxby Chambliss, as he obviously needs one of his own.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      No more knitting needles!!!

  • BarackMyWorld

    We missed you too, Sara. Your book was great.

  • Boojum

    Sara, do you ever come to Atlanta?

    • Nothingisamiss


  • finallyhappy

    I crocheted 2 uteri- one was with me at the Supreme Court Rally and then I mailed it to Rick Perry- I have not received a thank you note yet. The second one is coming with me to the April 28 War on Women rally in DC.

  • flamingpdog

    Thanks to the powers of your betwitching editrix, I have indeed returned.

    Ditto to all the adoration above, but I have to kneel before our betwitching editrix and offer any personal services she might desire for allowing our agorafabulous sweetheart to come back into our awaiting arms (and any other body parts she might be willing to share with us).

    EDIT: Is there any way a poor slob at teh Wonkette can get your book personally signed, sweet Sara?

  • Don't forget to introduce Charo.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Will Betty White be there?

  • LibrulEleet

    Damn! I should've checked my Wonkette at work today. I could've gotten off the 1 train at 14th Street, on my way home.

  • fuflans

    i will be in NY very soon but not today damn damn damn

    break a leg lovely lady. show 'em your tubes!

    and please come back to us often.

  • emmelemm

    We missed you. That is all.

    • SaraJBenincasa

      Thank you! I missed you back.

  • Negropolis

    Yes, Sara, but will there be dressage horses? Ann Romney's counter event has dressage horses.

    Mmmm…bacon and garlic ranch dressage….

  • ttommyunger

    Odd, the only time I hear from Sarah lately is when she is wanting the moneez. Hmmmm. Oh, wait! She is a wimminz!

  • Sheesko

    sarasarasara…have missed you so. Am packing my vagina right now, toothbrush check, bedbug spray check, checks check…

  • lloydstool

    Raggedy Ann's ladyparts are giving me a funny feeling. I think I have a wooly.

  • lulzmonger

    Welcome back to the Monkey House.
    Benincasa, you magnificent podcaster! I'm reading your book!

    Watch out though – I hear Newt Gingrinch is stealing your schtick & plans to call his autobiography Megalomarvelous.

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