nsfw! nsfw! nsfw!

Michelle Obama Ends War On Women Ceasefire With Disgraceful Prom Photo

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

LOOK AWAY

Everything was going great with the women and the men, who stopped fighting against women/each other this weekend just long enough to watch ‘Shark Tank’ and eat a few hot dogs, but now Michelle Obama has something to say. It is a picture, which as you know can say a lot, especially if the picture is of a lot. It is this, a picture from her high school prom. And in it she looks like a movie star on a trip to India or something. The wicker chair. The prop stylist on this Whitney Young High Prom ’81 photo shoot had a gift. The First Lady shared this photo on, WHERE ELSE, blasphemous variety program ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show,’ on which a homosexual woman is said by critics to “only encourage” people to be themselves, high dress slits and all.

Yes, THE SLIT in young Obama née Robinson’s dress. While Mrs. Obama admits that she doesn’t want daughters Malia or Sasha to see this photo (probably too late, those proto-heathens probably love Ellen), totally TOO LATE, the damage has been done, this woman is clearly not fit to mother, have a job, or an unheard-of combination of the two.

Here is the video, which also includes Ellen’s prom photo.

[Daily Beast]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Is that a nipple slip?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Where?

      Where?!?

      WHERE, DAMN YOU!?!?!?!?!

    • Guppy

      This warrants further study. I'll let you know the results when I have them.

    • Negropolis

      Only in our dreams, it is.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Barry had a mustache?

    • iburl

      He had a full beard, remember, at this time he was still in the Kenyan Muslin Clone incubation chambers.

      • MosesInvests

        Ixian libel!

      • meatpuppet2

        His muslim wasn't fully usurped.

  • Grief_Lessons

    Had I known this was the sort of thing that awaited me, I would have completed high school.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Her date looks like the guy from "The Love Boat." Shit, I'm really dating myself here. Those were kinder, gentler days though.

    • Boojum

      I think a lot of us date ourselves. The smell of baby oil, chlorine, and desperation is strong in the Wonkette Commentariat.

      • tessiee

        I don't know how to break it to you, but that's not chlorine that you're smellinaaaaggghhh!
        *iz ded*

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      The fact that I remember his name (Isaac) makes me even more dated.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        The fact that they are scrapping the Pacific Princess makes us all pretty damn old.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        So that I remember his real name was Ted Lange makes me…?

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Wasn't his signature line "Whachu talkin' bout, Captain Stubben?" Except in that very special epsiode crossover with Blossom where Blossom was an terrorist and he shouted "Dynomite!"

        • tessiee

          The kind of person whose brain is filled up with trivia instead of the kind of useful information that could make any money, or at least locate the car keys?

          Not that I'm projecting or anything.

  • dadanarchist

    I'm afraid to even check in on the frothing racists at Fox Nation.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Imma put it this way: the funniest one incorporates borrowing the dress from Barney Frank.

      Now, if you'll excuse me, rotten mangoes and crocodiles make my stomach churn

  • tcaalaw

    I expect Fox News to have a "BREAKING NEWS" banner up shortly reading something like, "Shocking new photos reveal Michelle Obama dated a black man in high school!"

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      It's rumored that she has two black children as well.

    • dadanarchist

      That chair does look vaguely Nubian.

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      The slut probably even hugged him.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      The actual headline is "Michelle Obama's Awkward Prom Pose," like every other person on the planet took really great and not-at-all embarassing prom photos featuring hair styles that looked dated when we wore them and suits and dresses that would fit in at the Goodwill counters.

      • tessiee

        Oh, pish posh.
        Yeah, that's right — I said it — pish posh.
        Every vertically challenged guy on earth is sorry that platforms went out of style.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Holy Moses I do want to touch her skin. I'm starting to see what they mean about "spreading the homosexual agenda." IT'S NOT MY FAULT, IT'S THE ELLEN!!!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I'd pay good money to watch that…

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Ok, start the impeachment proceedings.

    • Guppy

      For high crimes and hemlines?

      • bagofmice

        Apparently a dress is all it takes to get you impeached these days. Ask Bill.

  • fuflans

    i bet they went to the kon-tiki room too.

    everyone did.

    • tessiee

      Trader Vic's! Drinks served in a coconut shell with a big ol' pineapple chunk hanging off the side! Woo Hoo!

  • OkieDokieDog

    OUR TAX MUNIES PAID FOR THIS LAVISH PORM!!!1!!

    – just trying to get this in before the teabaggers.

  • Come here a minute

    You can hear the Commodores right through that picture.

    • Lascauxcaveman
      • Jus_Wonderin

        "Once, twice, three times, kill whitey"

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Sometimes lyrics pop into my head prior to the tune of something I'm making an association with. So my first thought seeing young Michelle was "Brighten the corner where you are" — merely a title of a collection of Fred Chappell's poems — but now that I've google'd the verse to find the original folk song, I'm really sorry I did. Anything by the Commodores is much preferred.

    • Geminisunmars

      Oh. I thought you meant the Commodore 64.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Nice!

  • AlterNewt

    BRB

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You win the intertubes, for packing the most funny in the fewest letters.

  • Boojum

    Dear Michelle,

    I would like to reach that state from which one never returns. I desire your assistance in this endeavor.

    Miscegenationally yours,

    Boojum

    • tessiee

      You want Michelle to kill you???

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Arizona?

      • Boojum

        Fill in these blanks:

        Once you go ___________, you never go ____________.

        Then imagine Michelle.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Went there, and came back. But not willingly.

    • Negropolis

      Once you go blah, you never go bah.

  • Lucidamente1

    I didn't know she dated Neil deGrasse Tyson.

    • Limeylizzie

      THAT is who he looks like, I couldn't quite get it.

    • Radiotherapy

      ♫ ♬ Fly me to the moon ♫ ♬

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I wanna be her date! Hell, right now I'd settle for being that chair!

    • larrykat

      What a nice sentiment, BigSkullFuckingDog.

  • fuflans

    also: why did we eat hot dogs this weekend?

    was there some patriotic 'murkin festivity for the baby jesus and weiners that i missed?

    • LesBontemps

      Hebrew Nationals for Orthodox Easter?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If you don't live in Massachusetts, there was no reason.

  • Baconzgood

    That photograph is 70% rattan.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      What else would you expect from the DemocRATTAN Party?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Looks 100% tan to me.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    The skirt slit is TOO DAMN HIGH!

    • Lucidamente1

      Speak for yourself.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Shut yo' mouf!

      • tessiee

        We're just talkin' 'bout Michelle…

    • Radiotherapy

      It's one of the pillars of Marxism!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Clearly not Michigan, where they're all the right height.

      • Negropolis

        I want to go to L'Anse, where the nekkid ladies dance…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Shouldn't she be holding a can of 7-Up?

    • chicken_thief

      Or a gin and juice.

    • GOPCrusher

      A 40 of Colt .45

    • sullivanst

      Motherfucking ice tea.

    • CapnFatback

      That dude standing behind Michelle? Never had it; never will.

    • Geminisunmars

      And some un-kola nuts.

    • tessiee

      Or purple drank.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Best of all, we (and by "we" I mean "you people") can get away with saying any witlessly bigoted thing that pops into our heads, under the "It's Funny Because That's What Racists Think" Excuse! Has anybody called the FLOTUS a crack whore yet?

  • Giveusabob

    Frankly, I think Michelle got off easy. The depravity of awkward prom photos knows no depths. http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ghH4GqN9X0E/S-NFvfE8hkI

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      IT'S A TARP!

    • bagofmice

      Mr. McGuire: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word. Benjamin: Yes, sir. Mr. McGuire: Are you listening? Benjamin: Yes, I am. Mr. McGuire: Plastics.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I think you want this one.

  • edgydrifter

    Much as I admire Michelle, I cannot deny the awfulness of that dress. Nay, it's not even a dress–it's a Rue McClanahan nightgown with Cybill Shpherd shoulder pads. Egads.

    • UnholyMoses

      MOONLIGHTING/GOLDEN GIRLS LIBEL!

    • Callyson

      The early 80's were not the high point of fashion.

      (God knows what they'll say in 20 years about *our* clothes…)

      • tessiee

        Once again, I say pish posh.

        As a "tall for my age" young woman with broad shoulders and thick hair, I was in my heyday in the 80s era of shoulder pads and Great Big Hair. I had the shortest morning routine EVAR — one shake of my head and I was ready to go out the door anytime.

        I do not long for the return of metalilc ankle boots, however.

      • Negropolis

        The clothes were just the right height, in fact.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Nothing wrong with Cybill Shepherd shoulder pads.

      As long as Cybill Shepherd is wearing them.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      She rocks it nonetheless.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Is that the same chair Huey Newton used?
    http://www.africawithin.com/bios/huey_newton.htm

    • Giveusabob

      Perhaps not. Looks like cartoonishly oversized wicker chairs were something of an equal opportunity institution back in the day. http://www.tikiroom.com/img/388x4b418913.jpg

      • Tundra Grifter

        Back in the day you stocked your first apartment by going to Cost Plus (if you lived on the West Coast) or Pier 1 Imports (if you lived on the East Coast).

        Like printed bed covers from India, these chairs were a staple – not very expensive, not very comfortable (they rock like crazy) but looking good and priced right. The little wicker table is a nice touch. It has a recessed top – and you could buy a round wicker tray that fit right into it.

    • Grief_Lessons

      I'm reading your comment, and I'm thinking you mean Huey Lewis. I couldn't remember if he was sitting in a chair at all on the cover of Sports.

      PS. I am a Caucasian.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        You don't say.

      • Negropolis

        I heard the News, today…oh, boy…

    • OneYieldRegular

      According to an inevitable forthcoming story on FOX, it's from the same photo shoot. Don't you recognize Huey as Michelle's prom date?

    • occams8ball

      Nice Catch!

      • Tundra Grifter

        Mrs. Obama?

    • Radiotherapy

      I think the picture was taken in Bill Ayers house.

  • http://wonkette.com/ yellowerdog

    DECENT women in high school were busy past-baptizing holocaust victims, while this slut was attending prom.

  • V572 Fehrnstrom

    Present-day Michelle is already giving me a 104-degree case of jungle fever. This is too much, I tell you! Luckily, Tamron's on right now to help me through this.

  • James Michael Curley

    Somebody is going to be out of a job in the Obama campaign when this photo of Huey Newton is recalled from the dark, dingy recesses of the basement (internet)
    Huey Newton and the Black Panther Peoples Protection Party

    Keep it quiet!

    • Tundra Grifter

      Jinxx!

  • Hera Sent Me

    Mr. President: Your wife is a fox.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Jebus. This picture is tame. I went prom dress shopping over the weekend and saw hootchier numbers than this dress.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Steadman hasn't changed a bit.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I love slut-slits.

  • prommie

    Its a young, svelte Cleveland Brown, that dude there.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    She has legs and she knows how to use them.

  • Veritas78

    This would have been more controversial if they hadn't 'shopped out the white women fanning her.

  • IncenseDebate

    If fapping to this is wrong, I don't want to be right.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Is it just me or has she not aged a day since that photo?

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Black don't crack.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I'm very angry at my parents now for not being African

        • mayor_quimby

          You'll appreciate the lack of high blood pressure, diabetes and high velocity lead poisoning at some point, but I see your point.

          • Negropolis

            It'd be great if weever came to grip with the fact that European cuisine just isn't that into us.

    • Radiotherapy

      Bernadine Dorian Gray…..heelooow.

      • tessiee

        I'm the reverse Dorian Gray; my pictures haven't aged at all, but in person, I look like shit.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Burn the damn pictures, before it's too late!!

  • Mahousu

    Even worse: her date was a Secret Service agent.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    That dress cannot possibly be in accordance with Sharia Law.

  • CapnFatback

    Boy, that photo suggests a "Trader Vic's"-type theme, which would be fitting for the time, but no less horrible. Other horrible prom themes:

    A Night of Calliope
    Would You Like Fries with That?
    Tonight, We All Get Infected!
    Mitt Promney

    • Limeylizzie

      I am not sure why, but 'Tonight We all Get Infected" made me literally weep with laughter and I am also famous, among friends , for a really loud and ribald laugh and I am doing that.Also.

      • CapnFatback

        The idea that I tickled your funny bone, dear LL, is enough to make my day. The fact that in so doing, I might have caused someone to crane their neck, looking for the pack of encroaching howler monkeys, is enough to make my week.

    • BornInATrailer

      What no Rick Santorprom?

    • tessiee

      The wrecked car from the accident that killed last year's Prom King and Queen could be the theme decoration.

  • ph7

    We can thank DC's own Petey Greene for the inspiration.

    (Any one else remember Petey and the 25 year old Howard Stern in blackface?)

  • mavenmaven

    I'm sure on Breitbarts now they are calling that an abortion chair, etc.
    I'm not going to look on their sites, though, not even if you pay me.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      She probably only released the photo because Breitbart.com had it and was about to run it in accordance with Breitbart's eerily Hari-Seldon-like capacity to predict events.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I can think of a least one event he failed to anticipate.

  • larryfinexx

    That's the same chair that Huey Newton posed in with crossed bandoliers and pistols, to scare Whitey. Memba that photo?

    • ph7

      Yes. Something tells me Breitbart.com is going to vet this.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Jinx II!

  • kennymfg

    Hey, wifey went to Whitney Young from 88-92! That makes her as good (if not better) than MO.

  • owhatever

    What? This girl is going to live in the White House some day? As First Lady of the Untied States of America? What are you smoking, dude?

  • prommie

    Hey, look, the first lady is near, too! She is an unmitigated black, just like her husband.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Fun fact: Before she came out, Ellen starred in a movie called "Mr. Wrong."

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I remember that movie. Bill Pullman played the love interest.

      That would make anyone lesbian.

  • chicken_thief

    I can't believe she went to the prom with a blah dude….

  • kissawookiee

    Once you've had wicker, you'll never go… aw hell.

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      Candy is dandy but wicker is quicker

  • BarackMyWorld

    Oh, that reminds me…need to buy Kool and the Gang tickets.

  • BornInATrailer

    Please pardon me whilst I fap.

  • iburl

    Am I the only one who thought of this picture….
    http://collections.museumca.org/?q=collection-ite

    I mean besides everybody who listens to Fox News.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Jinx III! Ya gotta read the comments first!

      • iburl

        Ahh, yes, read and reread before posting.

  • Callyson

    DAMN she looks good in that color. I'll bet all of the straight men and gay women here had to take a quick bathroom break after seeing that photo…

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Yeah, this picture has been around for 5 years, too.

  • An_Outhouse

    Who's her pimp?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Whip it out, boys, here it is in HQ!!
    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/03/06/article

    • Fare la Volpe

      Lamentable hairstyle aside, she is so rocking everything about this. Damn.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Ooh, ooh, you guys, you guys! You know who ELSE posed in a wicker chair??!!

    Goddamnit.

    • Negropolis

      Every British imperialist in subtropical climate, evah?

  • Guppy

    Age of consent in Illinois appears to be 17.

  • beyondzero

    Why did she go to prom with her dad?

  • http://strangestoriesaboutsadpeople.blogspot.com/ Thedongsofwar

    My mom used to have one of those giant wicker chairs that weigh like, 4 pounds.

    • ThundercatHo

      Me too. I used to sit on our front porch and watch my 4 lb. black queen (named Tasha Yar, of course) beat up all the neighborhood toms. They really aren't that comfy.

  • tessiee

    As someone who used to have a hairdo with "wings" (the old folks will know exactly what I mean), I am strictly forbidden from making fun of anybody else's old pictures.
    *makes gesture of zipping lips*

  • voodooeconomics

    there is a hint of breasteses almost within view of the naked eye.

  • Negropolis

    Man, if kids didn't look old back then. Her date looks old enough to be her dad.

  • ttommyunger

    Needz moar boob!

  • Antispandex

    FLOTUS, wife, mother, and now, sadly, whore of America's shame! How dare she not know that someday we would all judge her for this! It's an outrage!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I was looking for something more…chronological…