NSFW! NSFW! NSFW!  2:04 pm April 16, 2012

Michelle Obama Ends War On Women Ceasefire With Disgraceful Prom Photo

by Liz Colville

LOOK AWAY

Everything was going great with the women and the men, who stopped fighting against women/each other this weekend just long enough to watch ‘Shark Tank’ and eat a few hot dogs, but now Michelle Obama has something to say. It is a picture, which as you know can say a lot, especially if the picture is of a lot. It is this, a picture from her high school prom. And in it she looks like a movie star on a trip to India or something. The wicker chair. The prop stylist on this Whitney Young High Prom ’81 photo shoot had a gift. The First Lady shared this photo on, WHERE ELSE, blasphemous variety program ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show,’ on which a homosexual woman is said by critics to “only encourage” people to be themselves, high dress slits and all.

Yes, THE SLIT in young Obama née Robinson’s dress. While Mrs. Obama admits that she doesn’t want daughters Malia or Sasha to see this photo (probably too late, those proto-heathens probably love Ellen), totally TOO LATE, the damage has been done, this woman is clearly not fit to mother, have a job, or an unheard-of combination of the two.

Here is the video, which also includes Ellen’s prom photo.

[Daily Beast]

 
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{ 158 comments }

nounverb911 April 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Is that a nipple slip?

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Where?

Where?!?

WHERE, DAMN YOU!?!?!?!?!

Guppy April 16, 2012 at 4:16 pm

This warrants further study. I'll let you know the results when I have them.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 1:36 am

Only in our dreams, it is.

BZ1 April 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Barry had a mustache?

iburl April 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

He had a full beard, remember, at this time he was still in the Kenyan Muslin Clone incubation chambers.

MosesInvests April 16, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Ixian libel!

meatpuppet2 April 16, 2012 at 5:04 pm

His muslim wasn't fully usurped.

Grief_Lessons April 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Had I known this was the sort of thing that awaited me, I would have completed high school.

BlueStateLibel April 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Her date looks like the guy from "The Love Boat." Shit, I'm really dating myself here. Those were kinder, gentler days though.

Boojum April 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I think a lot of us date ourselves. The smell of baby oil, chlorine, and desperation is strong in the Wonkette Commentariat.

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 6:02 pm

I don't know how to break it to you, but that's not chlorine that you're smellinaaaaggghhh!
*iz ded*

GunToting[Redacted] April 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

The fact that I remember his name (Isaac) makes me even more dated.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

The fact that they are scrapping the Pacific Princess makes us all pretty damn old.

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

So that I remember his real name was Ted Lange makes me…?

Jus_Wonderin April 16, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Wasn't his signature line "Whachu talkin' bout, Captain Stubben?" Except in that very special epsiode crossover with Blossom where Blossom was an terrorist and he shouted "Dynomite!"

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 6:03 pm

The kind of person whose brain is filled up with trivia instead of the kind of useful information that could make any money, or at least locate the car keys?

Not that I'm projecting or anything.

dadanarchist April 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I'm afraid to even check in on the frothing racists at Fox Nation.

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Imma put it this way: the funniest one incorporates borrowing the dress from Barney Frank.

Now, if you'll excuse me, rotten mangoes and crocodiles make my stomach churn

tcaalaw April 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I expect Fox News to have a "BREAKING NEWS" banner up shortly reading something like, "Shocking new photos reveal Michelle Obama dated a black man in high school!"

Doktor StrangeZoom April 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

It's rumored that she has two black children as well.

dadanarchist April 16, 2012 at 2:17 pm

That chair does look vaguely Nubian.

GuyClinch April 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm

The slut probably even hugged him.

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

The actual headline is "Michelle Obama's Awkward Prom Pose," like every other person on the planet took really great and not-at-all embarassing prom photos featuring hair styles that looked dated when we wore them and suits and dresses that would fit in at the Goodwill counters.

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Oh, pish posh.
Yeah, that's right — I said it — pish posh.
Every vertically challenged guy on earth is sorry that platforms went out of style.

FakaktaSouth April 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Holy Moses I do want to touch her skin. I'm starting to see what they mean about "spreading the homosexual agenda." IT'S NOT MY FAULT, IT'S THE ELLEN!!!

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I'd pay good money to watch that…

DerrickWildcat April 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Ok, start the impeachment proceedings.

Guppy April 16, 2012 at 4:17 pm

For high crimes and hemlines?

bagofmice April 16, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Apparently a dress is all it takes to get you impeached these days. Ask Bill.

fuflans April 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

i bet they went to the kon-tiki room too.

everyone did.

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Trader Vic's! Drinks served in a coconut shell with a big ol' pineapple chunk hanging off the side! Woo Hoo!

OkieDokieDog April 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

OUR TAX MUNIES PAID FOR THIS LAVISH PORM!!!1!!

- just trying to get this in before the teabaggers.

Come here a minute April 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

You can hear the Commodores right through that picture.

Lascauxcaveman April 16, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Jus_Wonderin April 16, 2012 at 2:53 pm

"Once, twice, three times, kill whitey"

Mumbletypeg April 16, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Sometimes lyrics pop into my head prior to the tune of something I'm making an association with. So my first thought seeing young Michelle was "Brighten the corner where you are" — merely a title of a collection of Fred Chappell's poems — but now that I've google'd the verse to find the original folk song, I'm really sorry I did. Anything by the Commodores is much preferred.

Geminisunmars April 16, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Oh. I thought you meant the Commodore 64.

Chet Kincaid April 16, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Nice!

AlterNewt April 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

BRB

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 6:17 pm

You win the intertubes, for packing the most funny in the fewest letters.

Boojum April 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Dear Michelle,

I would like to reach that state from which one never returns. I desire your assistance in this endeavor.

Miscegenationally yours,

Boojum

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 6:08 pm

You want Michelle to kill you???

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Arizona?

Boojum April 16, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Fill in these blanks:

Once you go ___________, you never go ____________.

Then imagine Michelle.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 17, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Went there, and came back. But not willingly.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 1:39 am

Once you go blah, you never go bah.

Lucidamente1 April 16, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I didn't know she dated Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Limeylizzie April 16, 2012 at 2:55 pm

THAT is who he looks like, I couldn't quite get it.

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 3:18 pm

♫ ♬ Fly me to the moon ♫ ♬

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 16, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I wanna be her date! Hell, right now I'd settle for being that chair!

larrykat April 16, 2012 at 3:44 pm

What a nice sentiment, BigSkullFuckingDog.

fuflans April 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

also: why did we eat hot dogs this weekend?

was there some patriotic 'murkin festivity for the baby jesus and weiners that i missed?

LesBontemps April 16, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Hebrew Nationals for Orthodox Easter?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 6:19 pm

If you don't live in Massachusetts, there was no reason.

Baconzgood April 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

That photograph is 70% rattan.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

What else would you expect from the DemocRATTAN Party?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Looks 100% tan to me.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

The skirt slit is TOO DAMN HIGH!

Lucidamente1 April 16, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Speak for yourself.

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Shut yo' mouf!

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 6:08 pm

We're just talkin' 'bout Michelle…

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 3:19 pm

It's one of the pillars of Marxism!

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Clearly not Michigan, where they're all the right height.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 1:41 am

I want to go to L'Anse, where the nekkid ladies dance…

SayItWithWookies April 16, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Shouldn't she be holding a can of 7-Up?

chicken_thief April 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Or a gin and juice.

GOPCrusher April 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

A 40 of Colt .45

sullivanst April 16, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Motherfucking ice tea.

CapnFatback April 16, 2012 at 3:22 pm

That dude standing behind Michelle? Never had it; never will.

Geminisunmars April 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm

And some un-kola nuts.

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Or purple drank.

Chet Kincaid April 17, 2012 at 12:33 am

Best of all, we (and by "we" I mean "you people") can get away with saying any witlessly bigoted thing that pops into our heads, under the "It's Funny Because That's What Racists Think" Excuse! Has anybody called the FLOTUS a crack whore yet?

Giveusabob April 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Frankly, I think Michelle got off easy. The depravity of awkward prom photos knows no depths. http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ghH4GqN9X0E/S-NFvfE8hkI

Doktor StrangeZoom April 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

IT'S A TARP!

bagofmice April 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Mr. McGuire: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word. Benjamin: Yes, sir. Mr. McGuire: Are you listening? Benjamin: Yes, I am. Mr. McGuire: Plastics.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I think you want this one.

edgydrifter April 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Much as I admire Michelle, I cannot deny the awfulness of that dress. Nay, it's not even a dress–it's a Rue McClanahan nightgown with Cybill Shpherd shoulder pads. Egads.

UnholyMoses April 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

MOONLIGHTING/GOLDEN GIRLS LIBEL!

Callyson April 16, 2012 at 3:22 pm

The early 80's were not the high point of fashion.

(God knows what they'll say in 20 years about *our* clothes…)

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Once again, I say pish posh.

As a "tall for my age" young woman with broad shoulders and thick hair, I was in my heyday in the 80s era of shoulder pads and Great Big Hair. I had the shortest morning routine EVAR — one shake of my head and I was ready to go out the door anytime.

I do not long for the return of metalilc ankle boots, however.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 1:43 am

The clothes were just the right height, in fact.

Tundra Grifter April 16, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Nothing wrong with Cybill Shepherd shoulder pads.

As long as Cybill Shepherd is wearing them.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 6:26 pm

She rocks it nonetheless.

Tundra Grifter April 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Is that the same chair Huey Newton used?
http://www.africawithin.com/bios/huey_newton.htm

Giveusabob April 16, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Perhaps not. Looks like cartoonishly oversized wicker chairs were something of an equal opportunity institution back in the day. http://www.tikiroom.com/img/388x4b418913.jpg

Tundra Grifter April 16, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Back in the day you stocked your first apartment by going to Cost Plus (if you lived on the West Coast) or Pier 1 Imports (if you lived on the East Coast).

Like printed bed covers from India, these chairs were a staple – not very expensive, not very comfortable (they rock like crazy) but looking good and priced right. The little wicker table is a nice touch. It has a recessed top – and you could buy a round wicker tray that fit right into it.

Grief_Lessons April 16, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I'm reading your comment, and I'm thinking you mean Huey Lewis. I couldn't remember if he was sitting in a chair at all on the cover of Sports.

PS. I am a Caucasian.

Lascauxcaveman April 16, 2012 at 3:10 pm

You don't say.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 1:44 am

I heard the News, today…oh, boy…

OneYieldRegular April 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

According to an inevitable forthcoming story on FOX, it's from the same photo shoot. Don't you recognize Huey as Michelle's prom date?

occams8ball April 16, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Nice Catch!

Tundra Grifter April 16, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Mrs. Obama?

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I think the picture was taken in Bill Ayers house.

yellowerdog April 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

DECENT women in high school were busy past-baptizing holocaust victims, while this slut was attending prom.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Present-day Michelle is already giving me a 104-degree case of jungle fever. This is too much, I tell you! Luckily, Tamron's on right now to help me through this.

James Michael Curley April 16, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Somebody is going to be out of a job in the Obama campaign when this photo of Huey Newton is recalled from the dark, dingy recesses of the basement (internet)
Huey Newton and the Black Panther Peoples Protection Party

Keep it quiet!

Tundra Grifter April 16, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Jinxx!

Hera Sent Me April 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Mr. President: Your wife is a fox.

Maman April 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Jebus. This picture is tame. I went prom dress shopping over the weekend and saw hootchier numbers than this dress.

Buzz Feedback April 16, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Steadman hasn't changed a bit.

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I love slut-slits.

prommie April 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Its a young, svelte Cleveland Brown, that dude there.

ManchuCandidate April 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm

She has legs and she knows how to use them.

Veritas78 April 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm

This would have been more controversial if they hadn't 'shopped out the white women fanning her.

IncenseDebate April 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm

If fapping to this is wrong, I don't want to be right.

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Is it just me or has she not aged a day since that photo?

ManchuCandidate April 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Black don't crack.

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I'm very angry at my parents now for not being African

mayor_quimby April 16, 2012 at 11:39 pm

You'll appreciate the lack of high blood pressure, diabetes and high velocity lead poisoning at some point, but I see your point.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 1:47 am

It'd be great if weever came to grip with the fact that European cuisine just isn't that into us.

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Bernadine Dorian Gray…..heelooow.

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I'm the reverse Dorian Gray; my pictures haven't aged at all, but in person, I look like shit.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Burn the damn pictures, before it's too late!!

Mahousu April 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Even worse: her date was a Secret Service agent.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm

That dress cannot possibly be in accordance with Sharia Law.

CapnFatback April 16, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Boy, that photo suggests a "Trader Vic's"-type theme, which would be fitting for the time, but no less horrible. Other horrible prom themes:

A Night of Calliope
Would You Like Fries with That?
Tonight, We All Get Infected!
Mitt Promney

Limeylizzie April 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I am not sure why, but 'Tonight We all Get Infected" made me literally weep with laughter and I am also famous, among friends , for a really loud and ribald laugh and I am doing that.Also.

CapnFatback April 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

The idea that I tickled your funny bone, dear LL, is enough to make my day. The fact that in so doing, I might have caused someone to crane their neck, looking for the pack of encroaching howler monkeys, is enough to make my week.

BornInATrailer April 16, 2012 at 3:30 pm

What no Rick Santorprom?

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 5:55 pm

The wrecked car from the accident that killed last year's Prom King and Queen could be the theme decoration.

ph7 April 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

We can thank DC's own Petey Greene for the inspiration.

(Any one else remember Petey and the 25 year old Howard Stern in blackface?)

mavenmaven April 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I'm sure on Breitbarts now they are calling that an abortion chair, etc.
I'm not going to look on their sites, though, not even if you pay me.

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

She probably only released the photo because Breitbart.com had it and was about to run it in accordance with Breitbart's eerily Hari-Seldon-like capacity to predict events.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I can think of a least one event he failed to anticipate.

larryfinexx April 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

That's the same chair that Huey Newton posed in with crossed bandoliers and pistols, to scare Whitey. Memba that photo?

ph7 April 16, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Yes. Something tells me Breitbart.com is going to vet this.

Tundra Grifter April 16, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Jinx II!

kennymfg April 16, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Hey, wifey went to Whitney Young from 88-92! That makes her as good (if not better) than MO.

owhatever April 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

What? This girl is going to live in the White House some day? As First Lady of the Untied States of America? What are you smoking, dude?

prommie April 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Hey, look, the first lady is near, too! She is an unmitigated black, just like her husband.

BarackMyWorld April 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Fun fact: Before she came out, Ellen starred in a movie called "Mr. Wrong."

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I remember that movie. Bill Pullman played the love interest.

That would make anyone lesbian.

chicken_thief April 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I can't believe she went to the prom with a blah dude….

kissawookiee April 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Once you've had wicker, you'll never go… aw hell.

gurukalehuru April 16, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Candy is dandy but wicker is quicker

BarackMyWorld April 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Oh, that reminds me…need to buy Kool and the Gang tickets.

BornInATrailer April 16, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Please pardon me whilst I fap.

iburl April 16, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Am I the only one who thought of this picture….
http://collections.museumca.org/?q=collection-ite

I mean besides everybody who listens to Fox News.

Tundra Grifter April 16, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Jinx III! Ya gotta read the comments first!

iburl April 16, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Ahh, yes, read and reread before posting.

Callyson April 16, 2012 at 3:18 pm

DAMN she looks good in that color. I'll bet all of the straight men and gay women here had to take a quick bathroom break after seeing that photo…

Chet Kincaid April 16, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Yeah, this picture has been around for 5 years, too.

An_Outhouse April 16, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Who's her pimp?

Chet Kincaid April 16, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Whip it out, boys, here it is in HQ!!
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/03/06/article

Fare la Volpe April 16, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Lamentable hairstyle aside, she is so rocking everything about this. Damn.

Chet Kincaid April 16, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Ooh, ooh, you guys, you guys! You know who ELSE posed in a wicker chair??!!

Goddamnit.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 1:49 am

Every British imperialist in subtropical climate, evah?

Guppy April 16, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Age of consent in Illinois appears to be 17.

beyondzero April 16, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Why did she go to prom with her dad?

Thedongsofwar April 16, 2012 at 5:32 pm

My mom used to have one of those giant wicker chairs that weigh like, 4 pounds.

ThundercatHo April 16, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Me too. I used to sit on our front porch and watch my 4 lb. black queen (named Tasha Yar, of course) beat up all the neighborhood toms. They really aren't that comfy.

tessiee April 16, 2012 at 5:57 pm

As someone who used to have a hairdo with "wings" (the old folks will know exactly what I mean), I am strictly forbidden from making fun of anybody else's old pictures.
*makes gesture of zipping lips*

voodooeconomics April 16, 2012 at 8:11 pm

there is a hint of breasteses almost within view of the naked eye.

Negropolis April 17, 2012 at 1:37 am

Man, if kids didn't look old back then. Her date looks old enough to be her dad.

ttommyunger April 17, 2012 at 8:11 am

Needz moar boob!

Antispandex April 17, 2012 at 7:08 pm

FLOTUS, wife, mother, and now, sadly, whore of America's shame! How dare she not know that someday we would all judge her for this! It's an outrage!

actor212 April 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I was looking for something more…chronological…

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