Everything was going great with the women and the men, who stopped fighting against women/each other this weekend just long enough to watch ‘Shark Tank’ and eat a few hot dogs, but now Michelle Obama has something to say. It is a picture, which as you know can say a lot, especially if the picture is of a lot. It is this, a picture from her high school prom. And in it she looks like a movie star on a trip to India or something. The wicker chair. The prop stylist on this Whitney Young High Prom ’81 photo shoot had a gift. The First Lady shared this photo on, WHERE ELSE, blasphemous variety program ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show,’ on which a homosexual woman is said by critics to “only encourage” people to be themselves, high dress slits and all.
Yes, THE SLIT in young Obama née Robinson’s dress. While Mrs. Obama admits that she doesn’t want daughters Malia or Sasha to see this photo (probably too late, those proto-heathens probably love Ellen), totally TOO LATE, the damage has been done, this woman is clearly not fit to mother, have a job, or an unheard-of combination of the two.
Here is the video, which also includes Ellen’s prom photo.
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Is that a nipple slip?
Where?
Where?!?
WHERE, DAMN YOU!?!?!?!?!
This warrants further study. I'll let you know the results when I have them.
Only in our dreams, it is.
Barry had a mustache?
He had a full beard, remember, at this time he was still in the Kenyan Muslin Clone incubation chambers.
Ixian libel!
His muslim wasn't fully usurped.
Had I known this was the sort of thing that awaited me, I would have completed high school.
Her date looks like the guy from "The Love Boat." Shit, I'm really dating myself here. Those were kinder, gentler days though.
I think a lot of us date ourselves. The smell of baby oil, chlorine, and desperation is strong in the Wonkette Commentariat.
I don't know how to break it to you, but that's not chlorine that you're smellinaaaaggghhh!
*iz ded*
The fact that I remember his name (Isaac) makes me even more dated.
The fact that they are scrapping the Pacific Princess makes us all pretty damn old.
So that I remember his real name was Ted Lange makes me…?
Wasn't his signature line "Whachu talkin' bout, Captain Stubben?" Except in that very special epsiode crossover with Blossom where Blossom was an terrorist and he shouted "Dynomite!"
The kind of person whose brain is filled up with trivia instead of the kind of useful information that could make any money, or at least locate the car keys?
Not that I'm projecting or anything.
I'm afraid to even check in on the frothing racists at Fox Nation.
Imma put it this way: the funniest one incorporates borrowing the dress from Barney Frank.
Now, if you'll excuse me, rotten mangoes and crocodiles make my stomach churn
I expect Fox News to have a "BREAKING NEWS" banner up shortly reading something like, "Shocking new photos reveal Michelle Obama dated a black man in high school!"
It's rumored that she has two black children as well.
That chair does look vaguely Nubian.
The slut probably even hugged him.
The actual headline is "Michelle Obama's Awkward Prom Pose," like every other person on the planet took really great and not-at-all embarassing prom photos featuring hair styles that looked dated when we wore them and suits and dresses that would fit in at the Goodwill counters.
Oh, pish posh.
Yeah, that's right — I said it — pish posh.
Every vertically challenged guy on earth is sorry that platforms went out of style.
Holy Moses I do want to touch her skin. I'm starting to see what they mean about "spreading the homosexual agenda." IT'S NOT MY FAULT, IT'S THE ELLEN!!!
I'd pay good money to watch that…
Ok, start the impeachment proceedings.
For high crimes and hemlines?
Apparently a dress is all it takes to get you impeached these days. Ask Bill.
i bet they went to the kon-tiki room too.
everyone did.
Trader Vic's! Drinks served in a coconut shell with a big ol' pineapple chunk hanging off the side! Woo Hoo!
OUR TAX MUNIES PAID FOR THIS LAVISH PORM!!!1!!
- just trying to get this in before the teabaggers.
You can hear the Commodores right through that picture.
♫ ♬ WELL SHE'S A BRICK … HOWWWSE … ♫ ♬
(Well, she is.)
"Once, twice, three times, kill whitey"
Sometimes lyrics pop into my head prior to the tune of something I'm making an association with. So my first thought seeing young Michelle was "Brighten the corner where you are" — merely a title of a collection of Fred Chappell's poems — but now that I've google'd the verse to find the original folk song, I'm really sorry I did. Anything by the Commodores is much preferred.
Oh. I thought you meant the Commodore 64.
Nice!
BRB
You win the intertubes, for packing the most funny in the fewest letters.
Dear Michelle,
I would like to reach that state from which one never returns. I desire your assistance in this endeavor.
Miscegenationally yours,
Boojum
You want Michelle to kill you???
Arizona?
Fill in these blanks:
Once you go ___________, you never go ____________.
Then imagine Michelle.
Went there, and came back. But not willingly.
Once you go blah, you never go bah.
I didn't know she dated Neil deGrasse Tyson.
THAT is who he looks like, I couldn't quite get it.
♫ ♬ Fly me to the moon ♫ ♬
I wanna be her date! Hell, right now I'd settle for being that chair!
What a nice sentiment, BigSkullFuckingDog.
also: why did we eat hot dogs this weekend?
was there some patriotic 'murkin festivity for the baby jesus and weiners that i missed?
Hebrew Nationals for Orthodox Easter?
If you don't live in Massachusetts, there was no reason.
That photograph is 70% rattan.
What else would you expect from the DemocRATTAN Party?
Looks 100% tan to me.
The skirt slit is TOO DAMN HIGH!
Speak for yourself.
Shut yo' mouf!
We're just talkin' 'bout Michelle…
It's one of the pillars of Marxism!
Clearly not Michigan, where they're all the right height.
I want to go to L'Anse, where the nekkid ladies dance…
Shouldn't she be holding a can of 7-Up?
Or a gin and juice.
A 40 of Colt .45
Motherfucking ice tea.
That dude standing behind Michelle? Never had it; never will.
And some un-kola nuts.
Or purple drank.
Best of all, we (and by "we" I mean "you people") can get away with saying any witlessly bigoted thing that pops into our heads, under the "It's Funny Because That's What Racists Think" Excuse! Has anybody called the FLOTUS a crack whore yet?
Frankly, I think Michelle got off easy. The depravity of awkward prom photos knows no depths. http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ghH4GqN9X0E/S-NFvfE8hkI…
IT'S A TARP!
Mr. McGuire: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word. Benjamin: Yes, sir. Mr. McGuire: Are you listening? Benjamin: Yes, I am. Mr. McGuire: Plastics.
I think you want this one.
Much as I admire Michelle, I cannot deny the awfulness of that dress. Nay, it's not even a dress–it's a Rue McClanahan nightgown with Cybill Shpherd shoulder pads. Egads.
MOONLIGHTING/GOLDEN GIRLS LIBEL!
The early 80's were not the high point of fashion.
(God knows what they'll say in 20 years about *our* clothes…)
Once again, I say pish posh.
As a "tall for my age" young woman with broad shoulders and thick hair, I was in my heyday in the 80s era of shoulder pads and Great Big Hair. I had the shortest morning routine EVAR — one shake of my head and I was ready to go out the door anytime.
I do not long for the return of metalilc ankle boots, however.
The clothes were just the right height, in fact.
Nothing wrong with Cybill Shepherd shoulder pads.
As long as Cybill Shepherd is wearing them.
She rocks it nonetheless.
Is that the same chair Huey Newton used?
http://www.africawithin.com/bios/huey_newton.htm
Perhaps not. Looks like cartoonishly oversized wicker chairs were something of an equal opportunity institution back in the day. http://www.tikiroom.com/img/388x4b418913.jpg
Back in the day you stocked your first apartment by going to Cost Plus (if you lived on the West Coast) or Pier 1 Imports (if you lived on the East Coast).
Like printed bed covers from India, these chairs were a staple – not very expensive, not very comfortable (they rock like crazy) but looking good and priced right. The little wicker table is a nice touch. It has a recessed top – and you could buy a round wicker tray that fit right into it.
I'm reading your comment, and I'm thinking you mean Huey Lewis. I couldn't remember if he was sitting in a chair at all on the cover of Sports.
PS. I am a Caucasian.
You don't say.
I heard the News, today…oh, boy…
According to an inevitable forthcoming story on FOX, it's from the same photo shoot. Don't you recognize Huey as Michelle's prom date?
Nice Catch!
Mrs. Obama?
I think the picture was taken in Bill Ayers house.
DECENT women in high school were busy past-baptizing holocaust victims, while this slut was attending prom.
Present-day Michelle is already giving me a 104-degree case of jungle fever. This is too much, I tell you! Luckily, Tamron's on right now to help me through this.
Somebody is going to be out of a job in the Obama campaign when this photo of Huey Newton is recalled from the dark, dingy recesses of the basement (internet)
Huey Newton and the Black Panther Peoples Protection Party
Keep it quiet!
Jinxx!
Mr. President: Your wife is a fox.
Jebus. This picture is tame. I went prom dress shopping over the weekend and saw hootchier numbers than this dress.
Steadman hasn't changed a bit.
I love slut-slits.
Its a young, svelte Cleveland Brown, that dude there.
She has legs and she knows how to use them.
This would have been more controversial if they hadn't 'shopped out the white women fanning her.
If fapping to this is wrong, I don't want to be right.
Is it just me or has she not aged a day since that photo?
Black don't crack.
I'm very angry at my parents now for not being African
You'll appreciate the lack of high blood pressure, diabetes and high velocity lead poisoning at some point, but I see your point.
It'd be great if weever came to grip with the fact that European cuisine just isn't that into us.
Bernadine Dorian Gray…..heelooow.
I'm the reverse Dorian Gray; my pictures haven't aged at all, but in person, I look like shit.
Burn the damn pictures, before it's too late!!
Even worse: her date was a Secret Service agent.
That dress cannot possibly be in accordance with Sharia Law.
Boy, that photo suggests a "Trader Vic's"-type theme, which would be fitting for the time, but no less horrible. Other horrible prom themes:
A Night of Calliope
Would You Like Fries with That?
Tonight, We All Get Infected!
Mitt Promney
I am not sure why, but 'Tonight We all Get Infected" made me literally weep with laughter and I am also famous, among friends , for a really loud and ribald laugh and I am doing that.Also.
The idea that I tickled your funny bone, dear LL, is enough to make my day. The fact that in so doing, I might have caused someone to crane their neck, looking for the pack of encroaching howler monkeys, is enough to make my week.
What no Rick Santorprom?
The wrecked car from the accident that killed last year's Prom King and Queen could be the theme decoration.
We can thank DC's own Petey Greene for the inspiration.
(Any one else remember Petey and the 25 year old Howard Stern in blackface?)
I'm sure on Breitbarts now they are calling that an abortion chair, etc.
I'm not going to look on their sites, though, not even if you pay me.
She probably only released the photo because Breitbart.com had it and was about to run it in accordance with Breitbart's eerily Hari-Seldon-like capacity to predict events.
I can think of a least one event he failed to anticipate.
That's the same chair that Huey Newton posed in with crossed bandoliers and pistols, to scare Whitey. Memba that photo?
Yes. Something tells me Breitbart.com is going to vet this.
Jinx II!
Hey, wifey went to Whitney Young from 88-92! That makes her as good (if not better) than MO.
What? This girl is going to live in the White House some day? As First Lady of the Untied States of America? What are you smoking, dude?
Hey, look, the first lady is near, too! She is an unmitigated black, just like her husband.
Fun fact: Before she came out, Ellen starred in a movie called "Mr. Wrong."
I remember that movie. Bill Pullman played the love interest.
That would make anyone lesbian.
I can't believe she went to the prom with a blah dude….
Once you've had wicker, you'll never go… aw hell.
Candy is dandy but wicker is quicker
Oh, that reminds me…need to buy Kool and the Gang tickets.
Please pardon me whilst I fap.
Am I the only one who thought of this picture….
http://collections.museumca.org/?q=collection-ite…
I mean besides everybody who listens to Fox News.
Jinx III! Ya gotta read the comments first!
Ahh, yes, read and reread before posting.
DAMN she looks good in that color. I'll bet all of the straight men and gay women here had to take a quick bathroom break after seeing that photo…
Yeah, this picture has been around for 5 years, too.
Who's her pimp?
Whip it out, boys, here it is in HQ!!
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/03/06/article…
Lamentable hairstyle aside, she is so rocking everything about this. Damn.
Ooh, ooh, you guys, you guys! You know who ELSE posed in a wicker chair??!!
Goddamnit.
Every British imperialist in subtropical climate, evah?
Age of consent in Illinois appears to be 17.
Why did she go to prom with her dad?
My mom used to have one of those giant wicker chairs that weigh like, 4 pounds.
Me too. I used to sit on our front porch and watch my 4 lb. black queen (named Tasha Yar, of course) beat up all the neighborhood toms. They really aren't that comfy.
As someone who used to have a hairdo with "wings" (the old folks will know exactly what I mean), I am strictly forbidden from making fun of anybody else's old pictures.
*makes gesture of zipping lips*
there is a hint of breasteses almost within view of the naked eye.
Man, if kids didn't look old back then. Her date looks old enough to be her dad.
Needz moar boob!
FLOTUS, wife, mother, and now, sadly, whore of America's shame! How dare she not know that someday we would all judge her for this! It's an outrage!
I was looking for something more…chronological…
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