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Michelle Obama Ends War On Women Ceasefire With Disgraceful Prom Photo

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Everything was going great with the women and the men, who stopped fighting against women/each other this weekend just long enough to watch ‘Shark Tank’ and eat a few hot dogs, but now Michelle Obama has something to say. It is a picture, which as you know can say a lot, especially if the picture is of a lot. It is this, a picture from her high school prom. And in it she looks like a movie star on a trip to India or something. The wicker chair. The prop stylist on this Whitney Young High Prom ’81 photo shoot had a gift. The First Lady shared this photo on, WHERE ELSE, blasphemous variety program ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show,’ on which a homosexual woman is said by critics to “only encourage” people to be themselves, high dress slits and all.

Yes, THE SLIT in young Obama née Robinson’s dress. While Mrs. Obama admits that she doesn’t want daughters Malia or Sasha to see this photo (probably too late, those proto-heathens probably love Ellen), totally TOO LATE, the damage has been done, this woman is clearly not fit to mother, have a job, or an unheard-of combination of the two.

Here is the video, which also includes Ellen’s prom photo.

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[Daily Beast]

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About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

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158 comments

    1. iburl

      He had a full beard, remember, at this time he was still in the Kenyan Muslin Clone incubation chambers.

  1. Grief_Lessons

    Had I known this was the sort of thing that awaited me, I would have completed high school.

  2. BlueStateLibel

    Her date looks like the guy from "The Love Boat." Shit, I'm really dating myself here. Those were kinder, gentler days though.

    1. Boojum

      I think a lot of us date ourselves. The smell of baby oil, chlorine, and desperation is strong in the Wonkette Commentariat.

      1. tessiee

        I don't know how to break it to you, but that's not chlorine that you're smellinaaaaggghhh!
        *iz ded*

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        The fact that they are scrapping the Pacific Princess makes us all pretty damn old.

        1. Jus_Wonderin

          Wasn't his signature line "Whachu talkin' bout, Captain Stubben?" Except in that very special epsiode crossover with Blossom where Blossom was an terrorist and he shouted "Dynomite!"

        2. tessiee

          The kind of person whose brain is filled up with trivia instead of the kind of useful information that could make any money, or at least locate the car keys?

          Not that I'm projecting or anything.

    1. actor212

      Imma put it this way: the funniest one incorporates borrowing the dress from Barney Frank.

      Now, if you'll excuse me, rotten mangoes and crocodiles make my stomach churn

  3. tcaalaw

    I expect Fox News to have a "BREAKING NEWS" banner up shortly reading something like, "Shocking new photos reveal Michelle Obama dated a black man in high school!"

    1. actor212

      The actual headline is "Michelle Obama's Awkward Prom Pose," like every other person on the planet took really great and not-at-all embarassing prom photos featuring hair styles that looked dated when we wore them and suits and dresses that would fit in at the Goodwill counters.

      1. tessiee

        Oh, pish posh.
        Yeah, that's right — I said it — pish posh.
        Every vertically challenged guy on earth is sorry that platforms went out of style.

  4. FakaktaSouth

    Holy Moses I do want to touch her skin. I'm starting to see what they mean about "spreading the homosexual agenda." IT'S NOT MY FAULT, IT'S THE ELLEN!!!

    1. tessiee

      Trader Vic's! Drinks served in a coconut shell with a big ol' pineapple chunk hanging off the side! Woo Hoo!

  5. OkieDokieDog

    OUR TAX MUNIES PAID FOR THIS LAVISH PORM!!!1!!

    - just trying to get this in before the teabaggers.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Sometimes lyrics pop into my head prior to the tune of something I'm making an association with. So my first thought seeing young Michelle was "Brighten the corner where you are" — merely a title of a collection of Fred Chappell's poems — but now that I've google'd the verse to find the original folk song, I'm really sorry I did. Anything by the Commodores is much preferred.

  6. Boojum

    Dear Michelle,

    I would like to reach that state from which one never returns. I desire your assistance in this endeavor.

    Miscegenationally yours,

    Boojum

      1. Boojum

        Fill in these blanks:

        Once you go ___________, you never go ____________.

        Then imagine Michelle.

  7. fuflans

    also: why did we eat hot dogs this weekend?

    was there some patriotic 'murkin festivity for the baby jesus and weiners that i missed?

      1. Chet Kincaid

        Best of all, we (and by "we" I mean "you people") can get away with saying any witlessly bigoted thing that pops into our heads, under the "It's Funny Because That's What Racists Think" Excuse! Has anybody called the FLOTUS a crack whore yet?

    1. bagofmice

      Mr. McGuire: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word. Benjamin: Yes, sir. Mr. McGuire: Are you listening? Benjamin: Yes, I am. Mr. McGuire: Plastics.

  8. edgydrifter

    Much as I admire Michelle, I cannot deny the awfulness of that dress. Nay, it's not even a dress–it's a Rue McClanahan nightgown with Cybill Shpherd shoulder pads. Egads.

    1. Callyson

      The early 80's were not the high point of fashion.

      (God knows what they'll say in 20 years about *our* clothes…)

      1. tessiee

        Once again, I say pish posh.

        As a "tall for my age" young woman with broad shoulders and thick hair, I was in my heyday in the 80s era of shoulder pads and Great Big Hair. I had the shortest morning routine EVAR — one shake of my head and I was ready to go out the door anytime.

        I do not long for the return of metalilc ankle boots, however.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      Nothing wrong with Cybill Shepherd shoulder pads.

      As long as Cybill Shepherd is wearing them.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Back in the day you stocked your first apartment by going to Cost Plus (if you lived on the West Coast) or Pier 1 Imports (if you lived on the East Coast).

        Like printed bed covers from India, these chairs were a staple – not very expensive, not very comfortable (they rock like crazy) but looking good and priced right. The little wicker table is a nice touch. It has a recessed top – and you could buy a round wicker tray that fit right into it.

    1. Grief_Lessons

      I'm reading your comment, and I'm thinking you mean Huey Lewis. I couldn't remember if he was sitting in a chair at all on the cover of Sports.

      PS. I am a Caucasian.

    2. OneYieldRegular

      According to an inevitable forthcoming story on FOX, it's from the same photo shoot. Don't you recognize Huey as Michelle's prom date?

  9. V572 Fehrnstrom

    Present-day Michelle is already giving me a 104-degree case of jungle fever. This is too much, I tell you! Luckily, Tamron's on right now to help me through this.

  10. Veritas78

    This would have been more controversial if they hadn't 'shopped out the white women fanning her.

        1. mayor_quimby

          You'll appreciate the lack of high blood pressure, diabetes and high velocity lead poisoning at some point, but I see your point.

          1. Negropolis

            It'd be great if weever came to grip with the fact that European cuisine just isn't that into us.

      1. tessiee

        I'm the reverse Dorian Gray; my pictures haven't aged at all, but in person, I look like shit.

  11. CapnFatback

    Boy, that photo suggests a "Trader Vic's"-type theme, which would be fitting for the time, but no less horrible. Other horrible prom themes:

    A Night of Calliope
    Would You Like Fries with That?
    Tonight, We All Get Infected!
    Mitt Promney

    1. Limeylizzie

      I am not sure why, but 'Tonight We all Get Infected" made me literally weep with laughter and I am also famous, among friends , for a really loud and ribald laugh and I am doing that.Also.

      1. CapnFatback

        The idea that I tickled your funny bone, dear LL, is enough to make my day. The fact that in so doing, I might have caused someone to crane their neck, looking for the pack of encroaching howler monkeys, is enough to make my week.

    2. tessiee

      The wrecked car from the accident that killed last year's Prom King and Queen could be the theme decoration.

  12. mavenmaven

    I'm sure on Breitbarts now they are calling that an abortion chair, etc.
    I'm not going to look on their sites, though, not even if you pay me.

    1. actor212

      She probably only released the photo because Breitbart.com had it and was about to run it in accordance with Breitbart's eerily Hari-Seldon-like capacity to predict events.

  13. larryfinexx

    That's the same chair that Huey Newton posed in with crossed bandoliers and pistols, to scare Whitey. Memba that photo?

  14. kennymfg

    Hey, wifey went to Whitney Young from 88-92! That makes her as good (if not better) than MO.

  15. owhatever

    What? This girl is going to live in the White House some day? As First Lady of the Untied States of America? What are you smoking, dude?

  16. prommie

    Hey, look, the first lady is near, too! She is an unmitigated black, just like her husband.

  17. Callyson

    DAMN she looks good in that color. I'll bet all of the straight men and gay women here had to take a quick bathroom break after seeing that photo…

    1. ThundercatHo

      Me too. I used to sit on our front porch and watch my 4 lb. black queen (named Tasha Yar, of course) beat up all the neighborhood toms. They really aren't that comfy.

  18. tessiee

    As someone who used to have a hairdo with "wings" (the old folks will know exactly what I mean), I am strictly forbidden from making fun of anybody else's old pictures.
    *makes gesture of zipping lips*

  19. Antispandex

    FLOTUS, wife, mother, and now, sadly, whore of America's shame! How dare she not know that someday we would all judge her for this! It's an outrage!

Comments are closed.