SOME HEARTS  12:40 pm April 16, 2012

Unmitigated Disaster Dick Cheney Calls Obama An ‘Unmitigated Disaster’

by Liz Colville

gather round for a story, my little ones

Dick Cheney has a new heart, and is ready to tell the world of the darkness that is inside it. This weekend, the former vice president showed up at the Republican state convention in Wyoming to tell a crowd what they wanted to hear (there seems to be a lot of money in this!) Sitting in an ugly rainbow chair for one and a half hours, Cheney insulted Obama and the status quo (much of quo came from another status, but never mind), “without seeming to tire.” Because hatred is a powerful elixir, my prrrrecious.

Calling Obama an “unmitigated disaster” for America, Cheney also added:

I can’t think of a time when — ah — I felt it was more important for us to defeat an incumbent president.

Evidently the trauma of the Other Time was removed along with Heart 1.0, or else they took the whole denying brain with the heart, and donated it to “science.”

Fox News was real excited about this news: DICK CHENEY IS TICKED OFF! They tittered, trying very hard to come up with a pun involving the human heart that was not in poor taste. Here is a video:

But “unmitigated disaster” was really as mean as Cheney could muster right now, a mere three weeks into Heart 2.0 (slow clap). Obama is just godawful “with respect to the economy, and tax policy, and defense and some other areas” and to have him reelected would be a … “huge disappointment.” GETTING HIM WHERE IT HURTS.

But if something were to, uh, happen, we wonder, is this really how Mr. C. would like to go out of this world? Saying someone is THE WORST GUY EVER due to the quality of the lemonade that they have been forced to make?

Anyway, the truly best part of all of this –

Fox Nation Says This Post Is INSPIRING. [RealClearPolitics]

 
Related video

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{ 178 comments }

nounverb911 April 16, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Too bad the speech wasn't given in the Hague.

SkinnyNerd April 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

That would cause heart attack 2.0.

Generation[redacted] April 16, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Out of respect for human life, I would insist that all measures be taken to make sure he doesn't sneak in a cyanide pill before his trial.

dadanarchist April 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

It'd take more than cyanide to kill him. You'd need to go Rasputin on his ass.

niblick77 April 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

He cannot travel overseas due to the pending worldwide arrest on site warrant.

teebob2000 April 16, 2012 at 3:23 pm

"Too bad the speech wasn't given from atop the gallows out behind the Hague."

/fixed

FNMA April 16, 2012 at 12:42 pm

It's inspiring, all right. Right about now, it's inspiring a shit-ton of rage. And a powerful desire to take the rest of the afternoon off and drink.

noodlesalad April 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Speaking of which, two posts and it's 1 PM. Are we sure our wonket is not observing Patriot Day in the traditional Bostonian way of overindulgence and sunstroke? Come in from yelling at the marathoners, wonket, we need to feel worse about the state of our nation through snark.

cheetojeebus April 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm

May I be the first to say. Fuck off.

Nostrildamus April 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Hear, hear! Well said.

nounverb911 April 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm

So Cheney DID get Breitbart's heart.

Giveusabob April 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I was actually expecting Cheney to get something like that cute clockwork pendant that the Tin Man had. That could at least be zinc-plated to resist the naturally corrosive effects of close proximity to Cheney,

Maman April 16, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Any other heart would be too fresh and hopeful. Brietbart had enough black rot not to be immediately rejected.

SorosBot April 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm

So has the cocaine and alcohol taken control of Cheney's system too?

OneYieldRegular April 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Who else would ever agree to such a desecration?

Beowoof April 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Wouldn't that mean he can expect an attack in 3, 2, …..

Generation[redacted] April 16, 2012 at 1:58 pm

BEEEEEHAVE YOURSELLLLVES!

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I'm getting so suck if this guy. Will somebody please destroy the ring of power already?

Geminisunmars April 16, 2012 at 12:49 pm

That's a great freudian slop, BSFD.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Yes, the ring of power is a cock ring.

-shudder-

SorosBot April 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm

So Isuldur will have to cut it off by – ew.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Think that might alter Gollum's last-moment decision?

smoothmineral April 16, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I will toke the ring, though I do not know the way…

redarmyzombie April 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Quick, where's the Phylactery that's housing his soul? We NEED to destroy it!

Pat_Pending April 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm

yeah, I wasn't waiting for no goddamn sequel, fuckhead…

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 16, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Oh look, it's patient zero of the zombie apocalypse.

JustPixelz April 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm

As they say at the Centers for Disease Control …
http://blogs.cdc.gov/publichealthmatters/2011/05/

James Michael Curley April 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Somebody needs a nice French Wrap

mavenmaven April 16, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Yeah, that Obama hasn't carpet bombed enough countries to keep Evil Lord Chaney swimming in blood.

CommieLibunatic April 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

If you only had the word of these assmouths to go on, you'd think Obama exterminated the Jews and abolished fried chicken.

sullivanst April 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I thought there was a fried chicken mandate in the ACA?

GuyClinch April 16, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Dick just haz a sad because Obama killed his partner in fear-mongering, Osama.

Isyaignert April 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

OBL, Cheney The Dick's partner in the Haliburton corporate profit rescue mission.

1stNewtontheMoon April 16, 2012 at 12:46 pm

And you know what really pisses him off? 80% of the crowd will now be eligible to receive donor hearts without facing the prospect of going bankrupt. Moar Heartz for Cheney!!11!

Guppy April 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm

They wouldn't all need new hearts to begin with if they'd listen to some of Michelle's suggestions.

Mahousu April 16, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Maybe he can name himself as Romney's VP candidate, too. Should do wonders for Mitt's campaign.

James Michael Curley April 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Phuleese!! The Constitution only forbids the President from serving more than two terms.

JustPixelz April 16, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Considering Romney is basically running to be Dubya's third term (cut taxes, go to war in middle east, leave Wall Street alone), they should put Cheney out front to remind us of how great Repubicans are at governing.

swordfis April 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm

OBAMA is an unmitigated disaster???!!! If there were a Nobel Prize in chutzpah Cheney would win it. Win/win: drop Cheney on the Iranian nuclear reactor.

freakishlywrong April 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Or an Oscar, for projection.

Guppy April 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

The Nobel Committee should just give him the same prize they gave Arafat and Kissinger.

sewollef April 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

"Win/win: drop Cheney on the Iranian nuclear reactor."

No, no, for god's sake. What have the Iranian people done to deserve that? Imagine the mushroom cloud of shit and bile that would rain down on those poor folks?

By all means, fire Darth from a cannon directly at the theocratic leadership of Iran. They need some shit up their hooters.

GOPCrusher April 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Well, if anyone is an expert on unmitigated disasters, it would be Dick Cheney.

weejee April 16, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"Mr. Cheney, Mr. Cheney, your helicopter to Mount Doom is ready. "Mr. Cheney…"

Callyson April 16, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Dick Cheney calling Obama an unmitigated disaster reminds me of Bob Dole's rant in 1996 about how we had the worst economy in 50 years…right before the economy took off (after Clinton was re – elected of course.)

Moran.

GOPCrusher April 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

"The foundations of the economy are sound"

Juan McCain Sept 2008

PeaceWithHonor April 16, 2012 at 12:50 pm

One heart of darkness–stat.

Mumbletypeg April 16, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Back on the Cheney Gang, eh FOX?

Except, with apologies to Chrissie Hynde, I'd rephrase that "In the lonely life of a wretched heart." ♫

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Let me help you out there M.
Ooh Ah.

Mumbletypeg April 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm

"like a pigeon from hell… descending like flies.."

CogitoErgoBibo April 16, 2012 at 12:50 pm

It's so adorable that Cheney still thinks he's relevant. Now if Fox News would only stop enabling that fantasy…

LesBontemps April 16, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Does he still need to drink the blood of infants to stay "alive"?

Giveusabob April 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I prefer the phrase "mechanically induced hypervolemia" to describe Cheney's preferred waking state. I think that better captures the abject violation of laws of nature which must occur.

FNMA April 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Nah, it's just for recreation now.

sharethegrief April 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Don't forget the ground puppy patties, his all time fave.

BaldarTFlagass April 16, 2012 at 12:51 pm

"I can’t think of a time when — ah — I felt it was more important for us to defeat an incumbent president."

I can. 2004. Oh well.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Dang. Great minds, etc.

Isyaignert April 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Cheney The Dick is just projecting – in IMAX. What a fukkin' @sshole!

metamarcisf April 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Anybody who actually listens to this guy has to be cringing inside. Anyone with a pulse, that is.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Oh, relax … he already took someone's heart.

dadanarchist April 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Since new site rules insist that we are not allowed to wish for anyone's death, I've got nothing to say about this.

CommieLibunatic April 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

What about wishing that someone beat him with a cock until candy comes out?

Of Cheney, that is. Not the aforementioned phallus. That'd be fucked up.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Imma not gonna listen to that clip, but the fact that he appears to be clutching at his chest gives me hope.

Guppy April 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Of what good would it be to wish death upon the undead?

Beowoof April 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Well we could call in Simon Pegg to give him Shaun of the Dead treatment.

BaldarTFlagass April 16, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I'd even sacrifice my record collection for that.

nonbeliever7 April 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

No not the records. There's probably a few thousand Zunes available you could throw instead.

hagajim April 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Why doesn't this Dick just die? Oh right, he can't.

gullywompr April 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

What's in it for this guy any more?

IncenseDebate April 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm

He still owes on that debt to Satan.

BerkeleyBear April 16, 2012 at 1:25 pm

He reminds me of my wife's grandmother. Nasty piece of work, the running joke in the family as she nears 90 is that she'll bury us all just for spite.

Veritas78 April 16, 2012 at 2:37 pm

$250 million of Halliburton stock that he's leaving to his evil spawn, Liz?

BaldarTFlagass April 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Dude's got a real heart-on for Obie, huh?

CheneysOldHeart April 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Don't believe a word that old bastard says. I'm the real Dick Cheney! And boy am I a dick!

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

"I can’t think of a time when — ah — I felt it was more important for us to defeat an incumbent president."

That's funny — I can.

BerkeleyBear April 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Dick Cheney's continuing rantings, Romney's admissions that he has no clue what his tax policy (or any others) would be, but he wants to keep the Dept. of Education only to hurt teacher unions, and Ann Romney outing herself as an opportunistic little bitch ("it was an early birthday present, and I loved it") – this weekend just keeps on giving.

BaldarTFlagass April 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Do you know who else has been accused of being "THE WORST GUY EVER"?

nounverb911 April 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Keith Olbermann?

chicken_thief April 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Oscar Madison?

Chet Kincaid April 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Dick Cheney?

Beowoof April 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

James O'Keefe

Geminisunmars April 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Balloon Boy's dad?

SayItWithWookies April 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

The entire cast of "How I Met Your Mother?"

GOPCrusher April 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Danny DeVito's character on Taxi?

redarmyzombie April 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

King Louis XVI?

Veritas78 April 16, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Well, I'm sure the list includes Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, Milosevic/Mladic and Amin, but the most hopeful part of Dick's legacy is that he never made it to the big time. Instead, he'll be stuck in a lesser Circle of Hell with Hoxsa, Franco, Pinochet, and Mugabe. Not that he didn't dream of greater crimes!

noodlesalad April 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

It is in America's interest to keep Dick Cheney alive and talking for as long as possible, and then to do the exact opposite of whatever he suggests, like the Oracle of Delphi except the reverse.

DetectiveGrey April 16, 2012 at 4:11 pm

The only problem with that plan is that nobody ever listened to the Oracle of Delphi, either.

SkinnyNerd April 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

So I take it his second heart is not a human one either?

lochnessmonster April 16, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Closest to human is a pig…

Crank_Tango April 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm

So if Dick Cheney says you are terrible, does that mean you are double terrible, or amazing?

freakishlywrong April 16, 2012 at 12:56 pm

"Arrest that man".

Oblios_Cap April 16, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Cheney's continued existence on this mortal coil is all the proof I need that there is no God.

noodlesalad April 16, 2012 at 12:58 pm

To be fair to god, he does keep trying to stop his heart and all that.

Oblios_Cap April 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm

A real God would pull a Buddhist Palm – like the guy did in Kung-Fu Hustle – and crush that Dick like the slug he is!

redarmyzombie April 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

"Earlier today, former Vice President Dick Cheney passed away at the RNC after being squashed by a giant tennis shoe…"

LesBontemps April 16, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Unmitigated Disatser, meet Unmitigated Gall.

ManchuCandidate April 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I dunno, Dick. Obama hasn't invaded a country on lies and his own personal agenda or helped create the conditions of the financial bomb that blew up in slow motion between 2007 and 2009 or shot anyone in the face. So you "win."

Chet Kincaid April 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Fortunately, Cheney was around to mitigate the shit out of Dumbfuck I and II.

BarackMyWorld April 16, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Dastardly war criminal is dastardly.

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Deficits Cheney doesn't matter.

James Michael Curley April 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Are you telling me they gave him a human heart?

BaldarTFlagass April 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I think they gave him the heart of a honey badger.

James Michael Curley April 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Lets send him a kitty. Feline parvo-virus (FPV) and canine distemper are fatal to honey badgers.

HempDogbane April 16, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Romney's got a big Dick out front for him !

Beowoof April 16, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Ann has offered to unzip and let it swing out in all its firmness.

MissTaken April 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Fuck me, first dead Tupac's hologram and now undead Cheney. Remember when the dead just floated away never to be heard from again?

SorosBot April 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I think Elvis first broke that rule.

Steverino247 April 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I think everybody stopped reading after the part where you said, "Fuck me."

It took discipline, but I made it to the end of your comment and I agree with you.

MissTaken April 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

In the immortal words of Bartle and James, thank you for your support!

Steverino247 April 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I do hope you can afford better than their product.

trampndirtdown April 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm

It worked for Levi.

BaldarTFlagass April 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Ernst Stavro Blofeld doesn't look too well these days.

valthemus April 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

You totally read my mind!!

(Quit it.)

Beowoof April 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Love the Bond reference. Perhaps he could use his special license on him. Or we could have the secret service do it with prostitutes.

redarmyzombie April 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I'm thinking maybe this is a job for Foxy Brown or Black Belt Jones…

MissTaken April 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Sounds like *someone* is angling for yet another Secretary of Defense post!

SorosBot April 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Third time's the charm?

IncenseDebate April 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm

The question needs to be asked: Is this the most evil guy in American history?

freakishlywrong April 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Yes.

CheneysOldHeart April 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Yes, and thank you!

prommie April 16, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Yes. If he had a shred of decency he would carve a swastika on his forehead, like Manson, to serve as a warning. The fact that Manson had the decency to do this, while Dick doesn't, is the reason Cheney is the more evil of the two.

Biff April 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm
freakishlywrong April 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm

This man should be utterly shunned in any company. I'd say "polite" or "civilized", but we are talking the GOP here.

BaldarTFlagass April 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I want to live,
I want to kill
I've been a villain
for a heart of gold.
It's these expressions
I never give
That keep me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.

Guppy April 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

"He might let my daughter marry!"

LesBontemps April 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Hey Bamz! That was a great decision not to prosecute, huh?

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

What a dick.

imissopus April 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Obama's an unmitigated disaster like the insurgency was in its last throes. I'm not going to get worked up about Dick's astute analysis of anything.

Though Maddow's story about him towards the end of this clip is funny in a "God I wish he would die a painful death so I could piss on his grave twice" sort of way.

ElPinche April 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

That new pig heart hasn't affected Prick Cheney's poop throwing arm at all.

Radiotherapy April 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

His go to pitch is a screwball.

redarmyzombie April 16, 2012 at 2:22 pm

PIG LIBEL!!!

valthemus April 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Perhaps if Cheney and his little pals hadn't declared the Obama administration "A disaster! A failure!!" the day after he was elected, I might take him a little more seriously. But probably not.

Chet Kincaid April 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm

OT: THE RISE OF THE MACHINES!!!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/13/petman-r

James Michael Curley April 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

You can tell by its butt its a long distance runner and not a sprinter.

prommie April 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

What he meant to say is that Obama has been an unmitigated BLACK as president.

BaldarTFlagass April 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

"Calling Obama an “unmitigated disaster” for America, "

Whereas the Bush/Cheney administration was an unmitigated disaster for Iraq and Afghanistan.

redarmyzombie April 16, 2012 at 2:23 pm

On the other hand, a definite boon for North Korea and Iran!

GunToting[Redacted] April 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

And America.

glamourdammerung April 16, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I would think the WTC attacks and Katrina made Bush/Cheney a pretty unmitigated disaster in this country as well.

OneYieldRegular April 16, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Saddam Hussein has reconstituted nuclear arms. Americans will be greeted as liberators. The Iraqi insurrection is in its last throes.

Given Cheney's previous record of getting things right, my take-away from his most recent little heart-to-heart is that we should all vote for Obama in 2012.

BZ1 April 16, 2012 at 1:19 pm

What a wretched, vile entity who doesn't even have the sense of his former overseer, who at least has kept his word not to undermine a sitting president … Is entity the right word? I can't imagine this to be anything else??

BaldarTFlagass April 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

As we used to say back in the day, "Dick, right?"

MRjonz April 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm

More proof that the heart is an empty vessel, a meat pump, nothing more; it is Cheney's twisted black soul that animates him.

BaldarTFlagass April 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Villain, not my hero
Twisted, infectious man
Somehow you always seem to fail again
Fake heart, not for healing
False hope, trick the brain
I think that deep down you believe we’re insane

Everybody run
To cauterize the pain, this evil has a name
Hell behind the sun
We consecrate the blame, so evil has a name

rickmaci April 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm

The dark side is strong in this one.

SayItWithWookies April 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Oh, for those days when Dick Cheney was president (or whatever) and we were stuck in Iraq with no end in sight, Muammar Qaddafi was our ally, we were torturing innocent Afghan farmers because we were afraid to let them out of Gitmo after what we did to them, Dubya was egging the president of Estonia into tweaking Vladimir Putin's nose over who-the-hell knows what, Condi and her Cold Warriors were treating every potential adversary as though it were the Warsaw Pact, and everyone in the executive branch was an ex-CEO of a company that was raking in money hand-over-fist with no-bid military contracts.

Fuck you, Dick Cheney — really, what the hell did your administration do that didn't inflict lasting and unnecessary harm on the American people and American democracy?

XtfrM April 16, 2012 at 1:29 pm

What a waste of a human heart. That should have gone to a young person with something to offer the world, not this disgusting ghoul.

GeorgiaBurning April 16, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Remember how much Cheney said the Iraq war was going to cost? Well, what's a zero or two on the end…

GOPCrusher April 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

And that the whole affair was going to be paid for by Iraqi oil revenues that we were going to get?

MissNancyPriss April 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I was kind of naively thinking that the inclusion of a heart in his super structure would make him all nice and stuff, like when Archie Bunker got a blood transfusion from a black guy and started asserting black power at a kkk meeting.

XtfrM April 16, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I know there's rarely any point to saying this on the interwebs, but I'm going to, anyway. Dick Cheney – fuck you.
I'd PAY for the opportunity to say this to his face.

SiameseCatLady April 16, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I live in a dream world…my dream is that no one will work for the Cheneys or the Bushes. No one. They would have to take care of their lawns, do all their own cooking & cleaning, and – heaven forbid – drive themselves if they aren't too afraid to leave their homes. They deserve a total snubbing from those of us – actually anyone – who have hearts and minds. I know that in this economy a job is a job but if anyone who works in any capacity for those murdering war mongering liars, PLEASE quit your job and enourage your co-workers to do the same. The images of Cheney cleaning toilets and GWB trying to figure out how to use a toaster oven are too sweet! Hey Babs, how's that yard work coming along? Laura, of course, will be in charge of driving since she has such a stellar record there. And that, my friends, is my dream.

Mean0ldWoman April 16, 2012 at 1:55 pm

[Dickl*** must smell the new money in play since the Fed and Middle Class bailed out his and W's butts along with all their bankster fiends after they bankrupted the world economy! Another war and some more tax breaks for his military contractor cronies should have the old prick dancing the Texas 2-step.

owhatever April 16, 2012 at 1:57 pm

In the twilight of my life, I would like to bomb the Big Apple, Philadelphia.

notreelyhelping April 16, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Isn't he supposed to be petting a white cat?

Fluffy_Kitties April 16, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Coming from Cheney, a Sith Master of disaster capitalism, this is high praise indeed.

Come here a minute April 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Dick was totally cool with Bill Clinton getting reelected.

Barrelhse April 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

And there was NOBODY there to sneak up behind his chair and pop a paper bag? Shit.

fuflans April 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm

when i think 'unmitigated disaster' i think iraq, fallujah, katrina, the politicization of the judiciary, defunding stem cell research, saddam's weapons of mass destruction, the unfunded part of Medicare Part D, roberts, alito, the financial crash, the great recession and of course, that backrub for merkel.

but maybe that's just me.

Veritas78 April 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I wish some kids with intertoob skillz would set up a website: Piss On Dick Cheney While He's Still "Alive"!

Post a pdf of him, ask people to print it out and make a video of them pissing on it, then post the videos. Email him each day with the newest entries. Be sure to cc: his vile daughter.

Because after he's dead some cemetery is going to have a serious erosion problem.

DahBoner April 16, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Obama opposes gun rights for blind people, the mentally ill and prisoners!!!

WE WON'T REST UNTIL EVERBODY ON EARTH HAS A GUN…

Native_of_SL_UT April 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

"with respect to the economy, and tax policy, and defense…"
I almost gotta agree with Dick on this. These 3 areas were Obama basically inherited/continued the Bush policies bother me a great deal too.
But come on Dick, couldn't you think of at least one bad thing that Obama did that you hadn't already perfected.

MoeDeLawn April 16, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Paraphrasing John Goodman from Liebowski here:

"Shut the fuck up, Cheney."

Stevola April 16, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Is his face twisted like that because he's in constant pain?

Troglodeity April 16, 2012 at 3:46 pm

This just might be enough to put Wyoming in the GOP column come November.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ April 16, 2012 at 4:24 pm

…what are the rules on wishing death harm heartworms termites on someone, again?

a_pink_poodle April 16, 2012 at 4:32 pm

He would know

glamourdammerung April 16, 2012 at 4:47 pm

When President Obama lets a major city get demolished through ineptness, maybe then Cheney could honestly have a valid point.

GemlikeFlame April 17, 2012 at 12:08 am

Let me see if I got this right. The man who presided over two terms of an administration that introduced an unsupportable war based on no concrete evidence with military losses in the 5000+ range and civilian casualties at least ten times that, the largest federal deficit to date, unchecked expansion of the federal bureaucracy in spite of a platform promise to keep government small, and the single most draconian gutting of civil rights we've seen in history is calling a moderate centrist like Barry an unmitigated disaster? That's either a case of megalomania or he's projecting.

ttommyunger April 17, 2012 at 8:17 am

I can see it now: Ted Nugent, Mike Huckabee and Cheney…..ROAD TRIP!

Doktor StrangeZoom April 16, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Nothingisamiss April 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

My dogs have much more heart than this. DOG LIBEL!

SorosBot April 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

For once, I'll be yelling "use more teeth! More teeth!"

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I always knew I had hidden talents. And now we all know that one of them is writing porn for gay nerds. Great.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm

LOTR gay slash fic? I'm sure it's out there somewhere.

Just don't let Amazon screw you on the e-book pricing.

doloras April 16, 2012 at 5:19 pm

It's out there EVERYWHERE. Aragorn/Legolas, their love is so true.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 16, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Ew. I think I'll just wait for the HBO miniseries.

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