Presumptive Republican presidential nominee and man-shaped pile of hair gel Mitt Romney needs some more scratch, fellows, and so his surrogates are passing around a nifty Kickstarter-style menu of fabulous prizes you could get if you had 50,000 clams that for some weird reason you did not need for shelter, food, or four months worth of healthcare premiums.
The campaign is asking people who are able to make a $50,000 contribution to do so today and become a “Founding Member” of Romney Victory. These donors will be invited to a special retreat with Governor Romney in late June in California and will have preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat as well as yet to be determined access at the Republican National Convention in Tampa in August.
But wait! There’s more!
For $10,000, you and your opposite-sex spouse can get a picture with Mr. Romney — somewhere the sad puddings behind Newt Gingrich’s $50 photo ops are gnashing their teeth at the unusual smallness of a Gingrich Idea — and … that seems to be about it. What, not even a totebag?
[Buzzfeed]
{ 197 comments }
Republican swag, not worth the bag its in… (and what, no hair products?)
Republicans don't do their own hair: Amalgamated Metal Workers Union members do it for them
Union members? I don't think so.
More likely forged in China.
They want it done without the toxic materials, you see, and they want quality work
Mitt's hair is forged from the steel of scab labor.
50K to watch Mittens cry. It might be worth to see that. Nah. I'll wait till the Youtube video comes out.
It's a great leap of faith that your $50K ticket to the party is a good investment; based as it is on the assumption that there's even going to BE a Romney inaugural.
This is a guy who thinks $10k is a side bet… five times that probably sounds about right for a rubber-chicken banquet.
I'll wait until Tuesday, November 6th…
Don't fret if you can't pony up the cash now, this is just for Mittens first inaugural. They'll be at least ten more.
For $100k, you get to stand next to him on the balcony while he's announcing he's running for a third term… AND your own planet after you die!
June retreat, huh?
Burlosconi or GTFO
Bunga-bunga! Will DSK be there too?
Yes! And they just picked up a new security detail which suddenly became available.
Zing!
I hope today is BOOBIES DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in the mood for some "yet to be determined access" right about now.
I'd only be willing to pay an indeterminate amount of money for yet to be determined access at the Republican National Convention.
I gotcher blindfold right here!
Not a chance … not without a safe word, at any rate.
Isn't $50K how much Mittsy makes per minute?
Per day, actually. (If you call watching cash roll into your Caymans acccount "making" money.)
Can you imagine how many hookers $50,000 would buy? Guess it's for the better I will never have $50,000 to waste.
In Colombia I believe that would purchase you about 1,000 nights – including tips.
For 50k you could probably buy god for that money. Who does Mittens think he is?!?
I want to see the invite to hear Dick Cheney talk about how good the government healthcare is and what a great fuckin' deal he got an his new heart.
He didn't have an old heart.
Hence the phrase "new heart".
Out of nowhere – It's fucking Feldspar!
Probably a Chinese import … so I doubt he'd want to talk about it. (The baggers would be upset to find out he didn't buy American.)
Sadly, no they wouldn't. There's been a sea change in the whole "Buy American" thing and now it's us libtards that don't wanna outsource and the rethugs that think the ceos of Big This and That have the god given right to squeeze every penny out of everyone else by making their shit in China.
And the unemployed buy into this? What the fuck is in that GOP Kool-Aid??!!
How about a ride in his car elevator for $5?
Play your cards right (pretend you're the elevator operator) and he might tip YOU $5.
nah….the ritcher the repug, the shittier the tip
For 2,000 dollars you can get a ride around the block in a cage on the top of Romney's car. At this point it'll cost 10,000 dollars to start pissing, but c'mon it's Romney! It'll be worth it!
He's really missing the obvious – a pair of mittens with gold plated mitten holders.
In a cedar-lined, ruby-encrusted mitten cozy.
I have no doubts if disenfranchising and cheating don't get it, the Supremes will be happy to appoint him.
$10K for a picture with Willard? Damn, have none of his minions ever heard of Photoshop?
$10K gets you a photo with teh cardboard cutout.
Not that you'd, you know, know the diff.
Mittens does have a tendency to make some stupid bets, so while you are having your pic snapped, you could lay a wager with him and have a good chance of getting your money back.
I wouldn't lay bricks with Itt.
What's the Door Prize?
You get to babysit Mitt's five kids for Ann.
Also, Boobies. Too.
Leave Ann's boobies alone!!!11!
Aw, come on! At my age, how often will I get to feel boobies untouched by human hands????
Are you suggesting that Ann hired out the breast-feeding of her 5 fine young sons?
I'd rather keep my 60K. But that's just me. You know, kids need to have that appendectomy and I need to buy gin and all.
Pro Tip: Gin is an excellent anesthetic.
That's how Dr. Ron Paul used to get the arrows out of Texas Rangers' asses in Apache territory, in the Olde Days!
It's 10,000 dollars for Romney-brand alcohol?!? WHAT were they doing down there in Mexico?!?
The hell with attending the inauguration, I want to go to the "Wheels Up Party" with the Secret Service.
The campaign is asking people who are able to make a $50,000 contribution to do so today and become a “Founding Member” of Romney Victory…as well as yet to be determined access
For 50,000 Newt Gingrich will give you complete access to his pounding member.
For 50,000 Newt Gingrich will give you complete access to his pounding member.
Nikita Kruschev?
Or did you mean "throbbing"?
Personally, now that you mention it, I would RATHER be pounded by Kruschev's shoe.
He had big feet, if you know what I mean.
And I think you do…
Newt's member can still "pound?" I think the process, with the newtster, could more accurately be called a damp, wheezy crushing, rather than a pounding.
Does plopping loudly against the rim of a urinal count?
No, but it does ruin my breakfast.
Reminds me of George Burns' chestnut: "Having sex at my age is like playing pool with a rope."
VIAGRA LIBEL!!!
Like cramming a marshmallow into a coin slot.
Look, it's not MY fault that "Newt will let you suck his shriveled up, blood-starved, diabetes ravaged, disgustingly flaccid, hidden beneath a fat apron (thank you LimeyLizzie) cock and balls" does not sound like Founding Member, is it? That's what I get for trying to be succinct and pun-eriffic. I'm glad you're back anyway.
Do you mind if I print this out and post it on my fridge?
I'm trying to lose weight, see…
Hey, I liked it, it was a good line. I was in the Bahamas, Abacos, for a week. The place was infested with rich Alabamians, whats up with that? Sport-fishing and Nascar go hand-in-hand, I never knew. I spent my time swimming around underwater molesting rays and sharks and whatnot.
Abacos?
Damn. I've been wanting to go there. Been to Nassau/Paradise Island and T&C for diving, but Abacos has better chances for wild dolphins.
The quiet Abacosian secret is, rednecks are too stupid and inept to actually catch fish, so divers hand-hook them while the southerners sleep off a drunk.
Oh fuck yeah, when that famous fishing guy from So Fla died week before last I heard alllll about it from the douche-crew here. Conspicuous consumption a la Captain Ahab – it's what's for dinner.
I spent the weekend in Tuscaloosa, which was infested with Alabamans, too.
Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream.
Editrix, I bet you $10,000 I can get one for half off
You can get a Romney Presidential Inauguration for $0,000 dollars if he doesn't win. Think about all the people who won't be there – Ronald Reagan, Charleston Heston, Clark Gable, Stonewall Jackson, Merv Griffin…
Newt was going to do the same thing, but he already sold off all the tickets for his first ten nominations back in 1998.
50K buys you a whole lotta magic panties.
Pre-worn by Japanese schoolgirls?
That's a very different kind of magic.
What would it cost to participate in his posthumous inauguration? Probably not as much, because I'd guess that Mormons get to vote in the afterlife, so we've probably had a few million Mormon presidents already.
I guarantee we've had forty or so.
I wonder if Gingrich has sent in his $50K yet.
The check is in the mail….
I imagine he'll bounce that check on purpose, for the laughs
Every time the GOP asks me for money for their special inaugural needs or an election, I take $10 bucks out of my wallet and put it in an envelope. My envelope has $90 bucks in it. The next GOP douchebag who robocalls me or sends me mail gets the gift of me sending all the money in the envelope to the Re-elect Obama campaign. These Koch sucking misogynists want nothing but more wars, cheap fuel, and more Reaganomics. I’ve lived long enough to know their strategies are wrong.
Obama hasn’t been effective as I would have liked. But I damn sure know that Mitt in all his infinite wisdom is so disconnected with the reality of the American middle class and the women in my life that he’s not what my family or neighbors need as a President.
It is hard for one branch to function well… with the others all disfuntion-y…
When I hear one of those right wing gasbags on the radio rant and rave about the American Civil Liberties Union it generally reminds me it is time to renew.
Just promised the DNC more dough than I can really afford — but in the long run, I figure I can even less afford a GOPtard in the White House.
My name will appear on the internet, of course, for any and all wingtards to see and maybe decide they don't want to give me business. Unlike the fucking billionaires who donate millions anonymously to PACs, without anybody knowing who they are. (Because THAT would be unconstitutional.)
Meh. Typical rich white guy and serious money to celebrate at his Balls.
Some balls are held for charity, some balls are held full-dress,
But when balls are held for pleasure, that's the balls that I like best….
"…and become a “Founding Member” of Romney Victory. These donors will be invited to a special retreat with Governor Romney in late June in California …"
He stole that idea from the Perry-winkle campaign. Only Rick had "Pounding Members" and the retreat was a stag affair at Niggerhead.
So, does this offer come with a money-back guarantee? If not, caveat emptor.
Past non-performance is no guaranty of future non-performance.
If I can get the same 5,000% return that Mitt got from Bain on his IRA money, I'll sign on. Otherwise, fuck him.
I know what happens at these retreats…."I LOVE THE LEADER"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fnmhj58o0k
It goes on, "The special retreat will include a workshop on ironing jeans, an investigation of the combustibility of the world's currencies, and a panel called "Shake It Up: A Look at the Strange World of Adherence to 'Principles'."
And for the little women: "A Day In The Life Of A 'Working Mom': A Role-Playing Seminar For Rich White Ladies"
"A Day In The Life Of A 'Working Mom': A Role-Playing
SeminarGame For Rich White Ladies"fify
I'll think about coughing up the $50k if Ann is part of the catering and clean up crew.
The only value here is to be able to walk through that retreat helicopter punching everything in sight.
*regarding photo*: Is the guy to Mitt's right, whose mouth is stuffed with bills, gonna be Best Man at this effectively, farcical wedding of class warfare merchants to their non-blushing corporate financiers?
Note: if on first read you thought I'd typed "mouth stuffed with balls," well my point stands either way, really.
Those are bills?
I thought they were calzones.
My respect for Itt could not have gotten lower, or so I thought.
I hope he cries like a little bitch when he gives his concession speech in November. I will laugh heartily.
Part of why I was hoping Santorum would win was to see that daughter cry again.
NO KIDS, MANG!
Oh, I wasn't making fun of her! I was making fun of a father who would fly in the face of reality to assure his children that he'd win a race he lost by 18 points.
(think that gets me out of the doghouse?)
Bush league.
At least he'll have wads of hundred-dollar bills to wipe his tears with and blow his nose into.
hundred-dollar bills and blow always sound good together in a sentance
Not that there is anything wrong with being a bitch, of course.
Continuing the tour of my '80s record collection, somebody should rewrite this for the Obama Re-election Inaugural Ball:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5G5gqL6ESg
How much for the 'First Inauguration Accomplished' banner?
How much to get the HD Radio (whatever the fuck that is)?
I wonder if mittens will take a post dated check?
Newt? Is that you?
Mittens, counting chickens.
~
OK, this is just creepy
Ron Paul has 52 delegates?!?!?!?! Scary.
Shows where the "OK, Romney is adequate" states are, and the "Christ, no, anybody but Romney" states are. No surprises, IMO.
God is none too pleased about this and sent a wall of tornados to visit his wrath upon the low IQ Santorum voters.
Anyone notice how the local yokels, for some reason, just this one time, decided to pay attention to the climate scientists (who are so completely wrong about global warming?)
Some gay couple (one of whose members has a unisex or ambiguously-gendered first name) should sign-up for the photo with Mitt for the sheer amount of foot-in-mouth damage they could inflict on his campaign. (I'm envisioning that the campaign would probably withdraw the offer, refund the money, invite them back for a free photo with Mitt, cancel the free photo shoot, and eventually have Mitt mail them an autographed photo. All in about a 24 hour window of time and transparently played out in full HD on national television.)
Ha, ha,ha!
(But you're assuming the campaign would have its act together!)
Better yet, a pre-op transexual who is living as a woman, but it is glaringly obvious she's a man up close, so Mitt looks ridiculously uncomfortable in the pic.
And no, I wasn't talking about Ann Coulter.
"I'm running for office, for pete's sake–I can't have any
illegalsgheys!"Ambiguously-gendered couples:
Pat and Whitney
Jessie and Riley
Peyton and Finley
Sidney and Addison
Taylor and Tracy
The RNC in Tampa… in August… in suits?
Man, these dumb fucks are dumb… and fucks.
Cold-blooded lizardoids don't feel the heat like normal humans
That's why they sun themselves in places like Palm Beach.
And feel a draft anyplace north of Daytona Beach
Did you learn nothing from Dubya locating his Vacation White House in Crawford, Texas?
That was so Cheney could lie on the rocks, anonymously, among the gila monsters.
Naked photos of wife Anne sprawled across a Cadillac can be had for a mere 20K. Add another 5K and The Rom will toss in a set of Michelle Bachmann bitch-slapping her aberrant sex-reformed husband.
What will it cost me not to have to see that?
Weren't we just discussing Rmoney's definition of 'dignity' in terms of working and earning? The notion that a donor can be coaxed by the promise of a photo op taken with a yet to be elected, MUCH LESS yet to be proven an effective leader of the free world — as opposed to say, an ignominious failure of one — then that is hardly dignifiying the office. It's like when Clay Aiken appeared last night on whatever show it was, I just read the caption "Clay Aiken — Pop Idol" — as if being an American Idol alumnus affords you 'Pop Idol' status. The term is totally self-defined, in the eye of the beholder, and way out of proportion in time and/or space to what traditionally has evoked such an identifier.
Interestingly enough, "Pop Idol" was the title of the English original of the show known in this country as "American Idol"*.
Is The Donald going all Yooropeen on us? Does anyone give a flying fuck what that fat turd with a couple of deceased guinea pigs on his head says anyway?
* And how sad is it when American TV execs are so utterly incapable of original thought that, having run out of ideas for reality TV and run out of British original programming, they start ripping off British reality TV?
That "Founding Member of Romney Victory" stuff sounds good, but I'm sure the "Platinum Elite Romney Heralds" will still get to board first and grab all the carry-on space on the Inaugural Retreat. Besides, even Willard is smart enough to ignore a fool who'd pay $50,000 to attend a timeshare presentation
So the first "undocumented" meeting with industrialists, à la Dick Cheney and the oil industry, is already scheduled?
I'd have sworn they'd wait till after the election to get down to business as usual.
When Romney has an offer to blow my load in his face, then I'll consider it.
I have to be careful with things like that. I figure we each have a quota and I wouldn't want to waste one of my dwindling resources on him.
For less than a half mill, I mean.
What the hell, do you have a secret crush on him, or does he also need to provide a Fluffer?!
No. I just figure if Romney's gonna whore himself out for my money, I might as well get my money's worth.
Mitt Romney: Fox News Has Been Good To Me
He called Fox News viewers "true believers," but said that he needed to broaden his reach to independent and female voters. According to NBC News, Romney also said, "We are behind when it comes to commentators on TV. They tend to be liberal. Where we are ahead or even is on Twitter and on the Internet."
—————————————-
This guy is a big enough douche to cleanse a whale's vagina.
I wonder how many Fox News viewers have $50,000.00 to give him.
Liberal? Have no fear, Mittens, David Gregory will blow you as hard as Hannity does.
Here's Driftglass, with the best pic of Dancin' Dave ever.
~
That image. That image is disturbing, and yet, so fitting.
"He called Fox News viewers "true believers," but said that he needed to broaden his reach to independent and female voters."
I don't suppose he disclosed which group will he will be lying to. (Fucking git probably doesn't know himself.)
Pretty much all of them.
This picture:
It's as if someone said: "Come on, Mitt! It's not like you're going to run for president someday!"
Photo above: New Year's Eve Party, Overlook Hotel, 1921
All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
All pay and
$50,000 will help pay for the special servant hired to chase his wife and five kids around the 11,000 square foot home with an ax.
"Heeeeere's… Romney!"
"These donors will be invited to a special retreat with Governor Romney in late June in California and will have preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat…"
You know, the GOP big time donors are going to be very disappointed in these special retreats. They're used to being wined and dined, taken to bondage clubs, plied with liquor, and the like. A Romney function may not even have coffee served.
Mormon clergy will be on hand for expedited marriages and divorces on the evening of the retreat, if you know what I mean.
For $37.38 I will photoshop a picture of you and Mitt Romney.
$50,000 for Mitt but not a penny for Secret Service whores?
Republicans really are just a bunch of bum-fuck cheapskates.
In post-cartel Columbia, puta pays YOU!
O.T.: FAUX Nooze mole squeaks! Err, speaks.
~
Hey Mittens! I got yer 50 large right here! (Grabs crotch).
I would go to a "special retreat" with Romney if he paid me $50K.
"Though you moan
And you groan
Quite a lot,
You can take it
On the chin,
Call a cab,
And begin
To recover
On your fourteen-
Carat yacht.
Money makes the world go around,
The world go around,
The world go around,
Money makes the world go around,
Of that we can be sure."
Since this involves 'retreating' and not 'reloading' Mitt should not expect a donation from SarahPAC.
I hear Ms. Lindsey throws a better retreat.
Does he accept Food stamps?
Alright, two hours since this post was put up. We're getting back to the good old days!
RS is just giving you a chance to get your work done for the week, so you can relax and Wonkout for the rest of the time.
Dang. I'm headed to DC for three days and will be out of the loop anyway. I need to post today!!!
What can I get for my tax refund? ($0.98)
No thanks, I'll just fart them away.
the sad puddings behind Newt Gingrich’s $50 photo ops are gnashing their teeth at the unusual smallness of a Gingrich Idea
Callista could have tipped them off.
I'm gonna wait for the Groupon.
How much for a Lincoln Bedroom overnite?
Let's all do it- Maybe we can derail the political process!
And while we will all enjoy the retreat, aren't we supposed to reload instead?
OT/ Kenyan wins Boston Marathon (again)
No posts in 2-1/2 hours. I guess everyone got emancipated on Emancipation Day. Fuckin' bankers.
"preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat"
How many retreats are being planned?
skullfuck
balls.
It worked…….new thread………
Gee, what a swinging, wild party that will be. Jesus wants to attend, but he doesn't have $50,000 and the money-lenders won't give him a loan.
Are they still pissed at (H)im for throwing them out of the temple that one time?
Hell, that's the reason why the Roman Gum'mint executed him!
99% Troublemaker!
GET A FRICKING JOB AND A HAIRCUT, HIPPY JESUS
*hangs head in shame*
Herman Cain libel!
Even after Citizens United, I'm not sure if/how this is legal.
In other news, the Cleveland Browns have announced that they are going to start selling tickets for their inevitable 2013 Super Bowl appearance.
Real Americans have Swiss Bank accounts, my friends…
Romney's not even elected yet and he's already talking RETREATING. Traitor!
Will he take a check? Newt was just asking.
There are famous fishing-guys now? There was this one fine Virginian gentleman showed up at the bar with not one, but two young ladies that he was helping with their tuition or some such mutually beneficial arrangement.
Well, there's Babe Winkleman and Tred Barta and whatisface from the Professional Bass Fishing Tournaments…you know, that guy!
And you'll notice Jenna never spilled a drop, no matter how many times she stumbled and fell.
Stop making fun of retards!
Next time holler at your girl – two wonketteers in the same place in Bammer might be just the thing that finally blows this motherfucker out.
Damn, if only I'd known. Daughter's been offered a scholarship to 'Bama so we went down to check it out. Do you know anything about the place? I have to say, I was pretty impressed.
I know EVERYthing about the place. I graduated from Bama in 94, and I have had at least one family member there ever since (and for most of the time before I was there, forever). In spite of every deservedly terrible cliche, I had a fantastic time and access to an excellent education and met many wonderful people from all over the world. There are many very fine programs depending on what it is your daughter wants to study. (As well as being the record holder of most National Championships…in…debate. Suck it, #2 Harvard Crimson. Also, the fairly new Frozen Tide won the SEC Hockey Championship and went to the NCAAs as well this year…just ya know, in case you were wondering about the winter sports…)
I wish there was a way we could talk without ruining our secret identities. I'm trying to convince daughter that UA is the way to go but she like Oklahoma a tiny bit more. Thing is, Alabama is offering a full ride (I know, right? I spent my time walking around that campus thinking, "They are going to let you go here for free? Where do we sign?") We are from the Detroit area and I think she's worried about culture shock a little, but I think she would thrive there.
Oh man, full ride. I have three kids' worth of tuition to get through. Way to have a good one! (even if she makes you pay some) I have never been to Norman, but all the people I have met through their football contingency were truly, incredibly nice. I envy her going to school now, wherever she chooses, she's going to be far away and doing a whole new thing environmentally – and I'd give anything to have had the internets when I was doing academics…lemme know if she decides to try being a southern belle!
Thanks. She's a National Merit Scholar and she earned it–she did the work, etc. I am REALLY hoping for Alabama, but Norman is "only" 275 miles further away. I'm going to see Alex Avila, the catcher for the Detroit Tigers and a 'Bama alum, on Thursday and will ask him to put a word in for the Tide.
We are de facto Tigers fans – before because of the BhamBarons/Tigers connections, and now because of Jim Leyland and MOST of all Alex. When we saw AA on sportscenter hugging Justin Verlander on Monday, my hubs said, you know he's 36th on the MLB top 100? Very proud! My 11yo son got a whole set of catching gear as a little one because of Alex, and now we don't have season Bama tickets because he's a travel ball kid. Man if Alex can't talk her into it, probably no one can. I'm also sure the admin told you a thousand times, but Bama is ranked sixth nationally among pub schools in the number of enrolled NMScholars, so she wouldn't be left adrift in a sea of moronic Jethros here, I promise! We are also REAL heavy on out of staters because we don't have the lottery, or the scholarship programs that go along with it, so a lot of kids from everywhere come here. Probably would have been better not to come when it was ADay and all the freaks were in the street…but, as Saint Nick says, it is what it is…We bring our crazies right out in to the living room when company comes over, ya know?
Comments on this entry are closed.