how many chickens?

For Just $50,000 Mitt Romney Will Throw In An Invite To His (First) Inauguration

What's in your wallet?Presumptive Republican presidential nominee and man-shaped pile of hair gel Mitt Romney needs some more scratch, fellows, and so his surrogates are passing around a nifty Kickstarter-style menu of fabulous prizes you could get if you had 50,000 clams that for some weird reason you did not need for shelter, food, or four months worth of healthcare premiums.

The campaign is asking people who are able to make a $50,000 contribution to do so today and become a “Founding Member” of Romney Victory. These donors will be invited to a special retreat with Governor Romney in late June in California and will have preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat as well as yet to be determined access at the Republican National Convention in Tampa in August.

But wait! There’s more!

For $10,000, you and your opposite-sex spouse can get a picture with Mr. Romney — somewhere the sad puddings behind Newt Gingrich’s $50 photo ops are gnashing their teeth at the unusual smallness of a Gingrich Idea — and … that seems to be about it. What, not even a totebag?

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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197 comments

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      It's a great leap of faith that your $50K ticket to the party is a good investment; based as it is on the assumption that there's even going to BE a Romney inaugural.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        This is a guy who thinks $10k is a side bet… five times that probably sounds about right for a rubber-chicken banquet.

  1. Sue4466

    Don't fret if you can't pony up the cash now, this is just for Mittens first inaugural. They'll be at least ten more.

    1. V572 Fehrnstrom

      I'd only be willing to pay an indeterminate amount of money for yet to be determined access at the Republican National Convention.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Per day, actually. (If you call watching cash roll into your Caymans acccount "making" money.)

  2. Allmighty_Manos

    Can you imagine how many hookers $50,000 would buy? Guess it's for the better I will never have $50,000 to waste.

  3. KennyFuckingPowers

    I want to see the invite to hear Dick Cheney talk about how good the government healthcare is and what a great fuckin' deal he got an his new heart.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Probably a Chinese import … so I doubt he'd want to talk about it. (The baggers would be upset to find out he didn't buy American.)

      1. MissNancyPriss

        Sadly, no they wouldn't. There's been a sea change in the whole "Buy American" thing and now it's us libtards that don't wanna outsource and the rethugs that think the ceos of Big This and That have the god given right to squeeze every penny out of everyone else by making their shit in China.

    1. Data Exactly

      For 2,000 dollars you can get a ride around the block in a cage on the top of Romney's car. At this point it'll cost 10,000 dollars to start pissing, but c'mon it's Romney! It'll be worth it!

  4. freakishlywrong

    I have no doubts if disenfranchising and cheating don't get it, the Supremes will be happy to appoint him.

  5. Texan_Bulldog

    $10K for a picture with Willard? Damn, have none of his minions ever heard of Photoshop?

    1. chicken_thief

      Mittens does have a tendency to make some stupid bets, so while you are having your pic snapped, you could lay a wager with him and have a good chance of getting your money back.

  6. Baconzgood

    I'd rather keep my 60K. But that's just me. You know, kids need to have that appendectomy and I need to buy gin and all.

    1. Data Exactly

      It's 10,000 dollars for Romney-brand alcohol?!? WHAT were they doing down there in Mexico?!?

  7. Doktor StrangeZoom

    The hell with attending the inauguration, I want to go to the "Wheels Up Party" with the Secret Service.

  8. FakaktaSouth

    The campaign is asking people who are able to make a $50,000 contribution to do so today and become a “Founding Member” of Romney Victory…as well as yet to be determined access

    For 50,000 Newt Gingrich will give you complete access to his pounding member.

    1. prommie

      Newt's member can still "pound?" I think the process, with the newtster, could more accurately be called a damp, wheezy crushing, rather than a pounding.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Look, it's not MY fault that "Newt will let you suck his shriveled up, blood-starved, diabetes ravaged, disgustingly flaccid, hidden beneath a fat apron (thank you LimeyLizzie) cock and balls" does not sound like Founding Member, is it? That's what I get for trying to be succinct and pun-eriffic. I'm glad you're back anyway.

        1. prommie

          Hey, I liked it, it was a good line. I was in the Bahamas, Abacos, for a week. The place was infested with rich Alabamians, whats up with that? Sport-fishing and Nascar go hand-in-hand, I never knew. I spent my time swimming around underwater molesting rays and sharks and whatnot.

          1. actor212

            Abacos?

            Damn. I've been wanting to go there. Been to Nassau/Paradise Island and T&C for diving, but Abacos has better chances for wild dolphins.

            The quiet Abacosian secret is, rednecks are too stupid and inept to actually catch fish, so divers hand-hook them while the southerners sleep off a drunk.

          2. FakaktaSouth

            Oh fuck yeah, when that famous fishing guy from So Fla died week before last I heard alllll about it from the douche-crew here. Conspicuous consumption a la Captain Ahab – it's what's for dinner.

          3. prommie

            There are famous fishing-guys now? There was this one fine Virginian gentleman showed up at the bar with not one, but two young ladies that he was helping with their tuition or some such mutually beneficial arrangement.

          4. FakaktaSouth

            Next time holler at your girl – two wonketteers in the same place in Bammer might be just the thing that finally blows this motherfucker out.

          5. PuckStopsHere

            Damn, if only I'd known. Daughter's been offered a scholarship to 'Bama so we went down to check it out. Do you know anything about the place? I have to say, I was pretty impressed.

          6. FakaktaSouth

            I know EVERYthing about the place. I graduated from Bama in 94, and I have had at least one family member there ever since (and for most of the time before I was there, forever). In spite of every deservedly terrible cliche, I had a fantastic time and access to an excellent education and met many wonderful people from all over the world. There are many very fine programs depending on what it is your daughter wants to study. (As well as being the record holder of most National Championships…in…debate. Suck it, #2 Harvard Crimson. Also, the fairly new Frozen Tide won the SEC Hockey Championship and went to the NCAAs as well this year…just ya know, in case you were wondering about the winter sports…)

          7. PuckStopsHere

            I wish there was a way we could talk without ruining our secret identities. I'm trying to convince daughter that UA is the way to go but she like Oklahoma a tiny bit more. Thing is, Alabama is offering a full ride (I know, right? I spent my time walking around that campus thinking, "They are going to let you go here for free? Where do we sign?") We are from the Detroit area and I think she's worried about culture shock a little, but I think she would thrive there.

          8. FakaktaSouth

            Oh man, full ride. I have three kids' worth of tuition to get through. Way to have a good one! (even if she makes you pay some) I have never been to Norman, but all the people I have met through their football contingency were truly, incredibly nice. I envy her going to school now, wherever she chooses, she's going to be far away and doing a whole new thing environmentally – and I'd give anything to have had the internets when I was doing academics…lemme know if she decides to try being a southern belle!

          9. PuckStopsHere

            Thanks. She's a National Merit Scholar and she earned it–she did the work, etc. I am REALLY hoping for Alabama, but Norman is "only" 275 miles further away. I'm going to see Alex Avila, the catcher for the Detroit Tigers and a 'Bama alum, on Thursday and will ask him to put a word in for the Tide.

          10. FakaktaSouth

            We are de facto Tigers fans – before because of the BhamBarons/Tigers connections, and now because of Jim Leyland and MOST of all Alex. When we saw AA on sportscenter hugging Justin Verlander on Monday, my hubs said, you know he's 36th on the MLB top 100? Very proud! My 11yo son got a whole set of catching gear as a little one because of Alex, and now we don't have season Bama tickets because he's a travel ball kid. Man if Alex can't talk her into it, probably no one can. I'm also sure the admin told you a thousand times, but Bama is ranked sixth nationally among pub schools in the number of enrolled NMScholars, so she wouldn't be left adrift in a sea of moronic Jethros here, I promise! We are also REAL heavy on out of staters because we don't have the lottery, or the scholarship programs that go along with it, so a lot of kids from everywhere come here. Probably would have been better not to come when it was ADay and all the freaks were in the street…but, as Saint Nick says, it is what it is…We bring our crazies right out in to the living room when company comes over, ya know?

    1. Data Exactly

      You can get a Romney Presidential Inauguration for $0,000 dollars if he doesn't win. Think about all the people who won't be there – Ronald Reagan, Charleston Heston, Clark Gable, Stonewall Jackson, Merv Griffin…

  9. Arken

    Newt was going to do the same thing, but he already sold off all the tickets for his first ten nominations back in 1998.

  10. GunToting[Redacted]

    What would it cost to participate in his posthumous inauguration? Probably not as much, because I'd guess that Mormons get to vote in the afterlife, so we've probably had a few million Mormon presidents already.

  11. fartknocker

    Every time the GOP asks me for money for their special inaugural needs or an election, I take $10 bucks out of my wallet and put it in an envelope. My envelope has $90 bucks in it. The next GOP douchebag who robocalls me or sends me mail gets the gift of me sending all the money in the envelope to the Re-elect Obama campaign. These Koch sucking misogynists want nothing but more wars, cheap fuel, and more Reaganomics. I’ve lived long enough to know their strategies are wrong.

    Obama hasn’t been effective as I would have liked. But I damn sure know that Mitt in all his infinite wisdom is so disconnected with the reality of the American middle class and the women in my life that he’s not what my family or neighbors need as a President.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      When I hear one of those right wing gasbags on the radio rant and rave about the American Civil Liberties Union it generally reminds me it is time to renew.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Just promised the DNC more dough than I can really afford — but in the long run, I figure I can even less afford a GOPtard in the White House.

      My name will appear on the internet, of course, for any and all wingtards to see and maybe decide they don't want to give me business. Unlike the fucking billionaires who donate millions anonymously to PACs, without anybody knowing who they are. (Because THAT would be unconstitutional.)

    1. MosesInvests

      Some balls are held for charity, some balls are held full-dress,
      But when balls are held for pleasure, that's the balls that I like best….

  12. chicken_thief

    "…and become a “Founding Member” of Romney Victory. These donors will be invited to a special retreat with Governor Romney in late June in California …"

    He stole that idea from the Perry-winkle campaign. Only Rick had "Pounding Members" and the retreat was a stag affair at Niggerhead.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      If I can get the same 5,000% return that Mitt got from Bain on his IRA money, I'll sign on. Otherwise, fuck him.

  13. GuyClinch

    It goes on, "The special retreat will include a workshop on ironing jeans, an investigation of the combustibility of the world's currencies, and a panel called "Shake It Up: A Look at the Strange World of Adherence to 'Principles'."

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        "A Day In The Life Of A 'Working Mom': A Role-Playing Seminar Game For Rich White Ladies"

        fify

  14. freakishlywrong

    The only value here is to be able to walk through that retreat helicopter punching everything in sight.

  15. Mumbletypeg

    *regarding photo*: Is the guy to Mitt's right, whose mouth is stuffed with bills, gonna be Best Man at this effectively, farcical wedding of class warfare merchants to their non-blushing corporate financiers?

    Note: if on first read you thought I'd typed "mouth stuffed with balls," well my point stands either way, really.

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    I hope he cries like a little bitch when he gives his concession speech in November. I will laugh heartily.

        1. actor212

          Oh, I wasn't making fun of her! I was making fun of a father who would fly in the face of reality to assure his children that he'd win a race he lost by 18 points.

          (think that gets me out of the doghouse?)

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Shows where the "OK, Romney is adequate" states are, and the "Christ, no, anybody but Romney" states are. No surprises, IMO.

    2. An_Outhouse

      God is none too pleased about this and sent a wall of tornados to visit his wrath upon the low IQ Santorum voters.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Anyone notice how the local yokels, for some reason, just this one time, decided to pay attention to the climate scientists (who are so completely wrong about global warming?)

  17. tcaalaw

    Some gay couple (one of whose members has a unisex or ambiguously-gendered first name) should sign-up for the photo with Mitt for the sheer amount of foot-in-mouth damage they could inflict on his campaign. (I'm envisioning that the campaign would probably withdraw the offer, refund the money, invite them back for a free photo with Mitt, cancel the free photo shoot, and eventually have Mitt mail them an autographed photo. All in about a 24 hour window of time and transparently played out in full HD on national television.)

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Better yet, a pre-op transexual who is living as a woman, but it is glaringly obvious she's a man up close, so Mitt looks ridiculously uncomfortable in the pic.

      And no, I wasn't talking about Ann Coulter.

    2. proudgrampa

      Ambiguously-gendered couples:

      Pat and Whitney
      Jessie and Riley
      Peyton and Finley
      Sidney and Addison
      Taylor and Tracy

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Did you learn nothing from Dubya locating his Vacation White House in Crawford, Texas?

  18. The_Trainman

    Naked photos of wife Anne sprawled across a Cadillac can be had for a mere 20K. Add another 5K and The Rom will toss in a set of Michelle Bachmann bitch-slapping her aberrant sex-reformed husband.

  19. Mumbletypeg

    Weren't we just discussing Rmoney's definition of 'dignity' in terms of working and earning? The notion that a donor can be coaxed by the promise of a photo op taken with a yet to be elected, MUCH LESS yet to be proven an effective leader of the free world — as opposed to say, an ignominious failure of one — then that is hardly dignifiying the office. It's like when Clay Aiken appeared last night on whatever show it was, I just read the caption "Clay Aiken — Pop Idol" — as if being an American Idol alumnus affords you 'Pop Idol' status. The term is totally self-defined, in the eye of the beholder, and way out of proportion in time and/or space to what traditionally has evoked such an identifier.

    1. sullivanst

      Interestingly enough, "Pop Idol" was the title of the English original of the show known in this country as "American Idol"*.

      Is The Donald going all Yooropeen on us? Does anyone give a flying fuck what that fat turd with a couple of deceased guinea pigs on his head says anyway?

      * And how sad is it when American TV execs are so utterly incapable of original thought that, having run out of ideas for reality TV and run out of British original programming, they start ripping off British reality TV?

  20. GeorgiaBurning

    That "Founding Member of Romney Victory" stuff sounds good, but I'm sure the "Platinum Elite Romney Heralds" will still get to board first and grab all the carry-on space on the Inaugural Retreat. Besides, even Willard is smart enough to ignore a fool who'd pay $50,000 to attend a timeshare presentation

  21. Biel_ze_Bubba

    So the first "undocumented" meeting with industrialists, à la Dick Cheney and the oil industry, is already scheduled?

    I'd have sworn they'd wait till after the election to get down to business as usual.

    1. actor212

      I have to be careful with things like that. I figure we each have a quota and I wouldn't want to waste one of my dwindling resources on him.

      For less than a half mill, I mean.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        No. I just figure if Romney's gonna whore himself out for my money, I might as well get my money's worth.

  22. Barb

    Mitt Romney: Fox News Has Been Good To Me
    He called Fox News viewers "true believers," but said that he needed to broaden his reach to independent and female voters. According to NBC News, Romney also said, "We are behind when it comes to commentators on TV. They tend to be liberal. Where we are ahead or even is on Twitter and on the Internet."

    —————————————-
    This guy is a big enough douche to cleanse a whale's vagina.
    I wonder how many Fox News viewers have $50,000.00 to give him.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "He called Fox News viewers "true believers," but said that he needed to broaden his reach to independent and female voters."

      I don't suppose he disclosed which group will he will be lying to. (Fucking git probably doesn't know himself.)

  23. Chet Kincaid

    Photo above: New Year's Eve Party, Overlook Hotel, 1921

    All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
    All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
    All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
    All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
    All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
    All pay and no job makes Mitt a dull boy
    All pay and

    1. OneYieldRegular

      $50,000 will help pay for the special servant hired to chase his wife and five kids around the 11,000 square foot home with an ax.

  24. Terry

    "These donors will be invited to a special retreat with Governor Romney in late June in California and will have preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat…"

    You know, the GOP big time donors are going to be very disappointed in these special retreats. They're used to being wined and dined, taken to bondage clubs, plied with liquor, and the like. A Romney function may not even have coffee served.

  25. rickmaci

    "Though you moan
    And you groan
    Quite a lot,
    You can take it
    On the chin,
    Call a cab,
    And begin
    To recover
    On your fourteen-
    Carat yacht.

    Money makes the world go around,
    The world go around,
    The world go around,
    Money makes the world go around,
    Of that we can be sure."

  26. DonnyKerabotsos

    Since this involves 'retreating' and not 'reloading' Mitt should not expect a donation from SarahPAC.

  27. BaldarTFlagass

    Alright, two hours since this post was put up. We're getting back to the good old days!

    1. Geminisunmars

      RS is just giving you a chance to get your work done for the week, so you can relax and Wonkout for the rest of the time.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Dang. I'm headed to DC for three days and will be out of the loop anyway. I need to post today!!!

  28. Callyson

    the sad puddings behind Newt Gingrich’s $50 photo ops are gnashing their teeth at the unusual smallness of a Gingrich Idea

    Callista could have tipped them off.

  29. Barrelhse

    Let's all do it- Maybe we can derail the political process!
    And while we will all enjoy the retreat, aren't we supposed to reload instead?

  30. An_Outhouse

    No posts in 2-1/2 hours. I guess everyone got emancipated on Emancipation Day. Fuckin' bankers.

  31. An_Outhouse

    "preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat"

    How many retreats are being planned?

  32. owhatever

    Gee, what a swinging, wild party that will be. Jesus wants to attend, but he doesn't have $50,000 and the money-lenders won't give him a loan.

      1. DahBoner

        Hell, that's the reason why the Roman Gum'mint executed him!

        99% Troublemaker!

        GET A FRICKING JOB AND A HAIRCUT, HIPPY JESUS

  33. Mumbly_Joe

    In other news, the Cleveland Browns have announced that they are going to start selling tickets for their inevitable 2013 Super Bowl appearance.

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