Any savvy DC insider worth a toot knows that the most effective senators, historically speaking, are the ones who fire all of their legislative staff to focus more on jabbering idiotic nonsense to no one. This was basically the thesis of Schoolhouse Rock, after all “I’m just a bill. Yes, I’m only a bill. And I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill, waiting to be not written by Ron Johnson, who is useless.”
Roll Call hears that Johnson, a freshman Tea Party goofball who’s got to put in at least another year or two before he can resign to spend more time with his family at a corporate lobbying firm paying upper-six figures, has a neat new plan in store: firing all of the unused policy people on staff so he can “refocus his efforts on political messaging.” Johnson is “looking to purge nearly his entire Washington, D.C.-based legislative team,” Roll Call writes, noting that his “frustration with his legislative staff has been one of the worst-kept secrets in Washington for months.” Indeed, behind “Carl Levin is a lesbian penguin,” this is the worst-kept secret in Washington.
It even more troubling news, it appears that Ron Johnson has not been sucking his colleagues’ cocks nearly enough to meet his cock-polishing quota:
While top Republican sources expressed exasperation at the internal turmoil in Johnson’s office, they also noted that the Wisconsin freshman has not been diligent in building relationships with other Senators within the Conference and has alienated himself by not reaching out more frequently to colleagues.
“He’s an interesting case study of someone who has talked more than he has listened, lectured more than he has developed relationships with his colleagues, and now he’s having a tough time because of that behavior in advancing his policy goals,” one senior GOP aide said. “It’s kind of like watching a temper tantrum by a 2-year-old in the middle of the grocery store.”
“The Senate is still about relationships, and he doesn’t seem to get that,” the aide continued.
Now go and get your fucking shinebox, Johnson.
{ 323 comments }
Romney's found his running mate.
Could happen:
Foster Friess, the billionaire who until recently was a major backer of the presidential campaign of former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Pa.), told FOX News on Wednesday that Johnson should be on GOP presidential frontrunner Mitt Romney’s short list of vice presidential candidates.
Sorry, Santelli…
Did you say "Santelli", as in the goon from CNBC? That guy is such an unmitigated moron.
That's the one. (Check Wonkette's stories from today for the reason I mention that unmitigated moron in this context.)
Ha, yes, I saw that later. New Rule for me: Check all stories for the day before being surprised by comments.
I remember being a financial advisor during that time he made his idiotic grandstanding gibberish "speech". I may have even seen it live, CNBC was the mainstay at our firm. So many red meat idiots on that channel. They just don't understand why the commie govmint wants to regulate their industry! Never mind that literally HALF-A-QUADRILLION DOLLARS in derivatives contracts esploded and fell onto the global economy from an unregulated market. Never mind that the entire financial sector had to be bailed out at taxpayer expense. Never mind that retail banks and investment banks being housed in the same corporation represent an inherent conflict of interest. They're just the poor widdle victims in Barack Hussein Obama's War On Success.
Short list or short bus?
Well, he's nearly rich enough (thanks to his father-in-law).
Because Wisconsin is a "schwing" state?
"…. to meet his cock-polishing quota…"
Callista polishes Newt's until a diamond falls out of it.
No, Callista! Those are kidney stones!
That's just great.
"She could suck a kidney stone out of Jabba the Hut."
Is that why he has such a petulant, constipated look plastered across his flabby puss in every single picture of him ever taken?
She's only saying "Shoot!" because she hates touching it.
Ewww, not to mention the pearl necklace.
So that's what a whore-diamond is!
The more you know…
Well, at least now we know the answer to this question.
Not just a diamond. A tasteful bauble in a turquoise blue box.
Yeah, Ron Johnson. Fire those policy peoples. All you need to do to rite (sic) legizlashun is copy and paste shit from the ALEC website just like the rest of the Teabaggers.
Plus it helps drive unemployment up. A twofer!
And he is different from the other goopers HOW? (Leaving aside Ms. Lindsay, who is a gentle soul).
He really isn't. He's the typical politician that was in elected in 2010.
I'm really looking forward to the House elections, this year. On a local note, Yoopers sent a teabagger to Congress in 2010, and polls show they are already sick of his ass in this very rural district. This kind of gives me hope that if they are having a hard time in rural districts, they are shaping up to lose quite a bit of their members. They went for quantity instead quality, and while that may bring you some muscle very early on, it's certainly not sustainable.
A gooper yooper.
Jesus Christ, Wisconsin, are you trying to make your long-ago choice of Joe McCarthy look good? Walker, Ryan, now this guy Johnson: what the fuck are they putting in your cheese?
Recombinant bovine growth hormone. Cow steroid-rage voting, just one of many side effects of genetically modified foods.
"Cow steroid-rage voting" Ha! That should be the name of a Pantera cover band, or something.
dottumblerdotcom
oh god, please don't tell me this douche is in Russ Fiengold's seat.
Ok. We won't.
(But he is.)
Day: ruined.
It's still Friday, 13th or not.
Sorry, but that is true, so sadly true.
I hate to break it to you, but yes, he is.
FUCK!? Already, Wisconsin!?!
Unfuckinbelievable.
Hitler
"what the fuck are they putting in your cheese?"
My guess would be beer, since beer and cheese are the only two things *in* Wisconsin.
Does anyone else remember the joke about "Ron Johnson, the most famous man in the world?"
After reading this, Sen. Johnson would appear to be the real joke.
Staffers, you're good kids, I've been good to you, you've been good to me. But there's something really unreasonable going on here. My colleagues are being unconsionable ball-breakers. I never agreed to 3 years of listening more than talking on top of the vig! Am I something special? Some sort of schmuck on wheels?
His new top advisor is one of those refrigerator magnet word jumbles.
Maybe he'll accidentally put the wrong two words together like:
"Socialist" + "corporations"
and his head will splodey.
ALT TEXT WIN — his own smug mug is brimming with moral derpitude.
“It’s kind of like watching a temper tantrum by a 2-year-old in the middle of the grocery store.”
This easily describes the GOP since Clinton was elected President.
~
Exactly, now they know how the country sees them as a whole.
Oh, I really doubt that.
I enjoy Ron Swanson's eccentricities on "Parks and Recreation"
Nothing beats the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.
You had me at meat tornado.
Ron Johnson has yet to learn the skill of the artful reach-around?
See, I knew there was something about Levin.
Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Ky.) has asked him to help coordinate strategy with the eventual GOP presidential nominee
And here we thought the lulz were over when Santorum pulled out…
Well, he's a lock on the vice presidency then. He'll be in a position to recommend himself. There's a happy history of that working out for the GOP.
So they really ARE trying to lose?
Not to defend Johnson, but a major legislative body that is more concerned with kissing each others asses than acting in the public good is pretty fucking stupid.
Of course, Johnson's not really for EITHER of these things, but I still…
Yes, and I suppose there are 98* douchebag senators on the fainting couch clutching their respective pearls at Johnson's indecency.
* excluding Bernie Sanders
Naw, they're not all like that. The ones from my state are both pretty cool. Even when they're getting their lady parts groped by Strom Thurmond.
Don't even approximate defending Johnson. He is 100% colostomy bag.
You say that like it is a bug rather than a feature of the Senate's 6 year terms. Why do you think both Hillary and Barack bailed on the place? It takes at least 2 terms to get to do jack shit other than being a good soldier for the cause (or a grandstanding douche like McCain).
I read it differently. It says he got rid of his policy people in favor of his political people. Sounds like he playing the game, to me, the only difference is that he's a loner dick. So, it's not like his lack of ass-kissing is being replaced by some noble, alternative motive.
Just like a Teabaging Republican to forget the REACH Around. bastard!
Wisconsin is really trying hard to become the FL/TX/TN/AZ of the North, aren't they?
Yes, they replaced Russ Feingold with this peckerhead.
I grew up and went to college in Wisconsin, and for many years after I left I remained quite proud of the state's politics (on average). Yes, there was Tail-Gunner Joe, but that was when I was a toddler, and after that were people like Nelson and Proxmire — center-to-left Democrats, to be sure, but well to the left of, say, Ben Nelson. Even Herb Kohl isn't totally Blue Dog, and Feingold was terrific.
And then, 2010, and it's like the voters lost their collective mind. For me, the single most depressing result of that whole election year was that Johnson, a "successful businessman" (who was only a successful businessman because he married into it) with no ideas of his own, positions supplied by ALEC, and no evident personality, defeated Feingold. Talk about a what the fuck moment.
And, possibly the worst feature of this debacle is that it seems to have killed off Russ's interest in playing. Arrrghh.
Either the Governorship or the upcoming senate slot would be a lock for Feingold. I feel that in my gut, and I know it's the not the gas station burrito this time. I sincerely hope he's happy but I wish he was running. Never in Hell did I think one of the most progressive states in the Union could turn into Alabama of the North, if Walker survives (Right to Work law, for starts) and the open Senate seat goes GOP, all I see in the future here is a flight of dentists and increased incidents of inbreeding.
Yeah. I can't really say I'm disappointed that Russ isn't gonna take out Scotty, because it is, after all, his life, and if he doesn't want to do the politics thing any more, who am I (who never did anything politically) to complain?
But I do think it's unfortunate that he's lost the urge. Firstly, because it takes the recall from a slam to a nail-biter; and secondly, because Feingold is the kind of person I'd like to see in elective office (as opposed to many of those who are actually in elective office).
Evidently, he is happy with his decisions, and I can't really argue with that.
Planting all those palm trees is a pretty damn stupid idea, if you ask me, which they did not. And I told them that the alligators would eat all the walleyes. But they have the politicians to make like Florida.
Hold on a minute. Florida may have a elected a crook, but at least we've kept him on a short leash. Wisconsin, on the other hand, has become worse than Texas.
Lemmi know when 1 million Texans sign a recall petition for dipshit, then you can compare us to TX.
Texas collective bargaining laws are still intact. Better yet, they were never put on the chopping block.
Thank you.
Wisconsin is already correcting its electoral mistakes. Hell, it's even happening over here with getting the repeal of Michigan's emergency manager law on the ballot. Hell, forget a recall. Let me know when Texas actually elects a Democrat, again, or even simply gets rid of Governor-for-Life Rick Perry.
Let's be perfectly clear. Down there, a Walker-like governor is the rule. Up here, he's a shocking exception. That folks are even asking with mouths agape "what happened to Wisconsin?" implies that this isn't a normal or default setting for the state.
Kansas might have a little something to say about THAT!
Say, Wonkette editors: isn't about time that the Breitbart autopsy results were made public? I know it takes time to catalogue all those drugs, but hell, even Joplin's didn't take six weeks. You're not gonna let them sweep this under the rug, now are you?
I heard that Breitbart's stomach contents contained bile, cocaine and semen from at least two dozen men.
Are we sure a Chest Burster didn't do him in? How sure?
Glenn Beck has not denied being one of those two dozen men.
Yes, but he always denies these things. I think it has to be true.
They did release the autopsy results. You just didn't see them. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZF1jxCmuyA
An Alien! I KNEW it!
Woah. Kid diddler smile on that one.
"Johnson…sounds like a typical bastard."
HEY!! These oil cans are defective!
"…get your fucking shinebox, Johnson." Classic.
And what did Johnson name his Johnson?
Dumbo?
Hoover?
Floppsy.
Lady Bird?
This is extra special answer.
Scumbo?
LBJ?
You doesn't have to call me Johnson.
Son of Johnson?
Lonesome?
Unemployed?
Dinky?
Masters?
Hitler!
Mr Handy?
Lollipop, as in "You want a lollipop, little boy?"
Yeah, That's My White Econoline.
This guy not only acts like a dick but he actually looks like a dick.
On a similar note about TeaTards, Orrin Hatch told the press today that the TTards are nothing but radical Libertarians:
http://www.mediaite.com/online/sen-orrin-hatch-th…
Love the "Orrin MAD!!" pic.
He looks just like my aunt when she was sewing and holding pins in her mouth.
"TTards are nothing but radical Libertarians"
If by "radical" he means "re+tarded", then yes.
and if by "Libertarians" he means "fascists".
Unfortunately, they don't even know what "fascist" means. http://hnn.us/articles/122231.html
But then, they don't know the meaning of most words.
And this is as good a place as any to air a slightly OT peeve that I have:
People who don't like President Obama need to stop calling him socialist *unless they actually know what "socialist" means*.
The ones who object to "socialism" because "I don't want my tax money going to support lazy people" are pricks, and possibly also racist, but at least they fathom the basic concept.
The ones who think "socialism" is the system of government that Orwell was describing in "1984", and are imagining the Shepherd Fairey poster on every building, with HOPE replaced by OBEY, need to turn off Fox, but mostly they need to STFU.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Orrin needs to stand his ground, preferably with a wide stance, and if those tea baggers come a'callin then he needs to implement some second amendment solutions on them.
Fuck him and all those RINOs who went full TTard when the blah guy was elected president. A GOP full of teabaggers is the best thing that can happen to this country.
(In my worst Seinfeld voice) What is is with Mormons and boxing. Harry Reid also was a boxer and had a good run toward high "amateur' status.
If I couldn't drink coffee, I'd spend a lot of time punching people, too.
From the article:
Oh for fuck's sake, this buffoon AGAIN —
Beer thirty just became bourbon-thirty upon reading this.
Jesus H. Christ. You know, every time I see one of these jackass Billionaire financiers on television and they say something Stupid (and they always say something Stupid), I think this is how they talk when they know people are watching! Just what kinds of monstrous things do they talk about when they Know no one's watching?
I suppose the good news is that now they're all out in the open with their collective pants down and nowhere to hide. At least we know who they are and what they're doing.
And to think that Wisconsin voters rejected RUSS FEINGOLD to elect this guy. Go from first to worst, why don't you, Wisconsin?
They must have a whole lotta Buyer's Remorse, what with Scott Walker and all.
On the plus side, this should keep them from voting Wingnut for another 80 years or so.
I hope.
Me too. If, when today's teens are Great Grandparents they aren't Dope-Slapping their great grandkids for thinking about voting Republican, then something's very seriously wrong with the human brain.
It didn't help that it seemed that Russ didn't want it. I look back at that race, and Russ really kind of came off as taking for granted what it takes to stay in Congress.
You have a point. But the mood in Wisconsin for the 2010 election cycle was poisonous for Democrats. Even Dave Obey decided to hang it up, basically conceding the seat to Sean Duffy, another airhead T Party candidate. Across the St. Croix in Minnesota, Chip Cravaack, a virtual unknown, beat Jim Oberstar, a long-term congressional leader.
Maybe Sen Feingold's supporters became a little too complacent? Maybe the electorate was just too angry, and focused that anger on incumbents? Either way you look at it, Russ Feingold has been and will be sorely missed in the Senate. We can thank our lucky stars for the 312 votes that put Al Franken over the top, or we'd have Norm Coleman instead of another strong Progressive in Paul Wellstone's seat.
Oh, I wasn't saying he could have survived the race, regardless, but I would have liked to have seen him try harder. At least, that's the way it appeared from the outside looking in. And, this took place across the entire upper midwest. I only saw one Democratic incumbent here in my homestate of Michigan fight the good fight, and that was Mark Schauer. He was rewarded by only losing by about five points to his Republican opponent, when the guy up north went down by double digits.
Why does my heart stop a little every time someone remembers Paul?…
“It’s kind of like watching a temper tantrum by a 2-year-old in the middle of the grocery store.”
So, with Johnson and Vitter, now we have two Republican diaper babies in the Senate. Didn't there used to something in the Constitution about having to be 30 years old to be in the Senate?
Sadly, nothing to do with emotional age. Or at least 70 percent of the fuckers would get tossed out.
Moar "messaging." YES! It's just what the country needs. Johnson will be hearing from the Terrible Tweeter from Wasilla soon.
Oh, but the best part: …Foster Friess, the billionaire who until recently was a major backer of the presidential campaign of former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Pa.), told FOX News on Wednesday that Johnson should be on GOP presidential frontrunner Mitt Romney’s short list of vice presidential candidates….
Romney/Johnson 2012- vote for the "firing squad"
So much for wondering if the teabaggers could work with their opposition — this idiot can't even work with his allies. No problem, Wisconsinites — you'll be able to undo this mistake in another — oh, four years and ten months.
Wouldn't it have been easier to replace Johnson than his staff? More waste from Washington.
Any savvy DC insider worth a toot..
Ginger Jim, are you sayin' one needs a head full of snow before Senator NOT Jumbo Johnson starts to make sense?
Sorry, I know this is a little stale since yesterday was dickie doo dah day.
I assumed he meant "toot" in the sense of flatulence, but yours is good, too.
I liked this guy a lot better back when he was at the University of Michigan.
That Johnson sounds about 200x more qualified.
Wolverine libel!
I'd like to see him devoured by Giant Squids.
Now, that's entertainment.
OT, but Newt Gingrich is now selling his donor list to try to raise some cash. He's asking "as much as $26,000," but something tells me he'll take less. I'm thinking of offering him $5.
I'm going to write him to say I'll take it off his hands if he pays me $50,000.00
I skimmed that article.
These people are fucking nuts. This is "Campaigning With The Dildos".
$26,000 for a list of people I should avoid? No thanks, I can usually spot them on sight.
$26G for a list of people, (a) with money, and (b) stupid enough to give it to Newt? That may be a good investment, actually.
We really need to set up WonketePAC and start soaking these idiots.
Excellent. But I think maybe "1PAC", to obscure the connection (this is according to the SuperPAC Handbook).
Good point. Now that I think about it, if I ever wanted to start a "ministry" to grift people out of money, I would definitely consider paying $26K for a donor's list that would result in making me a millionaire.
But I have a conscience. Guess that's why I never made a very good assistant to a "psychic" when I was a teenager.
Perhaps they'd be interested in these top quality Magic Beans [tm], that I happen to have right here in my pocket.
What a prostitute.
Actually, that's unfair to those hard-working women (and some men) of the night.
He could probably get more than $26k for a kidney. Just sayin'.
$26,000? I can Google "Sheldon Adelson" for free.
I say he should do the decent thing and resign immediately. Can we have a show of hands?
I have my fist up.
Two Thumbs Up!
Tea Party jerk gets elected, stays a tea party jerk.
Not that surprising.
Bah, I've been scooped.
So has Johnson's brainpan, apparently.
– Everyone who actually paid a moment's heed to Johnson's background during the 2010 elections.
Douchebag is as douchbag does.
Sadly, yes.
"…firing all of the unused policy people on staff so he can “refocus his efforts on political messaging.”
Is that not the perfect Republican Ideology trap? They always think – and this goes at least back to Gingrich – that it's not the heartless, impractical and loathsome policies that people hate, it's just that the message is wrong. If we can only tweak/sell/lie properly everything will be fine and paradise will spring forth.
A big part of this is Bolshevik-like ideological rigidity but the other part is the Marketing Ethic. That is: Sell the Image and nothing is better than anything else. It's Mad Men in Politics and politics is sold exactly the same way as carbonated sugar water.
Oh, also too: BABY CUTTLEFISH! Seriously cute Lil' predators..
Awwww, they're so cute that we'll have to renamed them Cuddlefish™!
Note that I've already trademarked Cuddlefish, the new, underwater Care Bears™. Cuddlefish STARE!!!
That link just gave me Type 2 Diabeetus. Thanks.
I can feel my blood vessels beginning to crystallize…
Hurry! Switch on FOX News! There's not much time!
Just for no more than 5 minutes. There's awful side effects.
<blockquote> It's Mad Men in Politics and politics is sold exactly the same way as carbonated sugar water.
Correction: carbonated high fructose corn syrup water.
Ah, yes. How could I forget the Fructose?
What would all the Fructose-Baptists do without that? Thanks!
<ik>someone who has talked more than he has listened, lectured more than he has developed relationships with his colleagues, and now he’s having a tough time because of that behavior in advancing his policy goals
Sounds like the perfect GOP/'bagger Senator.
How could you predict that this guy would turn out to be a complete fuckwad once in office? All that we knew about him is that he fancied himself a self-made rich guy who loved Ayn Rand novels, but really was handed a company by his father in law. Those types of guys are usually so easy to deal with.
Rush Limbaugh and others on the right are fond of saying "No poor person ever gave me a job!". Really? A rich guy just flat out GAVE it to you, huh? Most people are hired and paid in exchange for their labor, but you were "given" a job? Amazing. What are you the drunken brother-in-law? The chosen son-in-law like Ron Johnson?
I also love the lines: "Nobody ever gave me a handout." or "I pulled myself up by my bootstraps!"
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-…
My favorite parts from the post:
"So … you were never a child? From birth, you were hunting and gathering your own food? You never had a mother to 'hand' you milk?
You're completely self-educated? At age 4, you sought out your own knowledge, and paid teachers out of your own pocket?
I don't think you did. I'd have seen something about it on the news.
I think your parents poured untold resources into your hungry mouth. I think you had a roof over your head that was paid for by other people, I think you went to schools that were built and staffed and paid for by other people, I think you felt safe because the streets were patrolled by other people, I think you drove to your three jobs on roads paved by other people, in a car built by other people and burning oil that was drilled by other people in a nation whose borders were defended by other people."
The best, and most simple, take down of idiotic conservative/libertarian/Ayn Rand cult-thought I've ever read.
Yep. The old “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!” – in GOP world it’s always followed by “Come back here, kid. Did you steal those boots? Hands on the car! Spread ‘em! Got any sharps? [pat down] Hands behind your back! [click of hand-cuffs].”
Don't be put off by the silly name; "Cracked" has some really excellent articles.
Seriously, how the fuck did Wisconsin elect this schmuck? I live 2,000 miles away and I could tell he was bogus. This is a real question, to which I do not know the answer: What the fuck happened?
OT, but Oklahoma Senator Ralph Shortey got the Daily Show treatment.
Oh, good. Awful jackass.
Shortey/Johnson '16
He's not related to "Trout Fishing In America Shorty" now, is he?
"by not reaching out more frequently to colleagues."
Senators mix PAC money like high schoolers mix VD strains, so I'm assuming this means he didn't grease enough palms.
OH WI
OH WIN
OH MI, WI!
OH, for fuck's sake, WI?
Carl Levin is a lesbian penguin? I never knew… it's so hard to tell the boy ones and the girl ones apart.
They all look alike in a tux.
In the dark, all Cloacas are alike.
I didn't even know he was Catholic.
I still can't believe Russ lost to this all-star.
I guess it really is all about turnout. Depressing to think that anybody would vote for this nebbish, though.
PEOPLE OF WISCONSIN, THIS IS THE CHUMNUGGET YOU ELECTED INSTEAD OF RUSS FEINGOLD.
Yes, we know. It's the worst.
Hopefully we'll at least keep Herb's seat this year. And if not, booze is cheap here.
Go Tammy!
"Chumnugget" is going to have to be added to my everyday vocabulary.
You know who else had trouble keeping staff and getting along with colleagues?
Führer Glen Beck?
Olberman?
Well, there was Stalin, but that's just because he kept killing everyone around him.
Leon Trotsky?
Josef Mengele?
Cain? (Too soon?)
Michele one L Bachmann! Trick question cuz I used the past tense, but that's because I'm a clock-eyed optimist — it's always 5 o'clock somewhere, or 4:20…
Caligula?
George Steinbrenner?
Lumberg?
Mr. Burns?
Woah hey! Carl Levin is a Lesbian Penguin? I was sure Carl was a Lesbian Murre! Dammit, I hate being in the wrong hemisphere!
That's no squid!
Whoops! Here.
BONUS: looks like a Penis.
Why does this bird have no tentacles?
Disturbing, isn't it?
Here. That should make you feel better.
That's strangely calming. Either I'm about to die or I'm about to have more tako than you can imagine.
I'll take the lifetime supply ot Tako, please. And a little pickled Ginger too? Thanks.
That is an absolutely stunning bird.
I think we can both agree on that.
So what you're saying is, another teabagger conservative lost their marbles and initiated the self-destruct sequence? At what point will D.C. be destroyed in the ensuing implosion?
I imagine Tea Party Caucus meetings are just a room full of people yelling "RINO" at each other. One step above poo-flinging monkehs.
I think you give them too much credit.
There's a scene in Niven's novel The Mote in God's Eye where an alien subspecies infests one of the human starships, breeds explosively and proceeds to destroy the entire ship by fighting everybody and finally, each other. I think it's probably a lot like that.
Oddly enough, I read that just a couple of weeks ago.
Teabaggers as a tribble-like lifeform but without the fluffy? I could sort of see that. Pointlessly multiplying until they're unbearable. Sounds about right.
Wow, Synchronicity! The whole "Teabaggers as Watchmakers" sprung inot my head just now when I read your post. That scene where the Midshipmen haveto break back into the McArthur to set the scuttling charges and all the Watchmakers are firing weapons at each other in total bedlam.
Also: "
WatchmakersTeabaggers given time to adapt can destroy anyshipGovernment. They contribute greatly to a collapse. If they were not so useful we would have them exterminated."Seems to fit.
God I haven't read that in over thirty years. Also, it's one of the various plot lines that was recycled for every version of the Star Trek franchise.
Unfortunately, this is more like a destroy-the-world sequence. He doesn't need "policy people" as long as he has ALEC to provide his policies.
He does still need "messaging people" to try to fool his constituents into thinking he's not batshit insane.
Man, fucking ALEC. What a hideous organization that is.
"Messaging" over "Policy". Shitbag isn't even hiding it.
Exactly.
"I've got my policies right here — just came off the fax. Now, where are my messaging gnomes?"
I guess they weren't teabaggery enough.
I understand there are some North Korean aerospace engineers looking for work.
In a prison labor camp.
Poindexter, they say it was a "weather satellite" I hope they got a good view of the shit storm that's about to start.
Hmm, I'd never heard the word "work" used as a synonym for "less painful way of execution" before.
Well, then you've never moved out of a managerial position before.
What, they're still breathing? Un must be a pussy.
This comment may appear near another comment, which is apparently being vetted by the administrators. I may have inadvertently discovered another ratchet-and-pawl term. Or maybe it's just me.
EDIT: I guess it isn't going to be next to another comment of mine, which has fallen into the non-approval event horizon. This is odd, in that I don't think the now-not-here comment contained any of the known "boing" terms. Hmm.
non-approval event horizon
We call it the Schoenkopf Radius.
But more importantly, could you perhaps paraphrase the gravitationally unstable comment?
Now, now. Don't provoke the poor boy into making some barbed comment.
Really, I didn't think this was black hole material, or even a Roche sisters matter. I just expressed surprise that the relevant engineers were still respiring, and made a reference to the current head honcho of NK as evidently being a feline sort of person.
That's it. I didn't save a copy, so I cannot check for unintended character sequences. It was about as useless a comment as one can make (I'm good at those). I didn't expect it to probe the limits of Intense Derp.
I'm beginning to think the particular phenomena associated with the strange occurrences; wordpress logo showing up, comment boxes showing up half filed, comments disappearing for half an hour are all caused by cheap incompetent web site hosts.
Not only that, I'm sure the editors can and do pull comments out of moderation, if they know about them. The intensedebate machinery probably gives them headaches, but it's still preferable to the old unthreaded Wordpress format, where you would have to count page ups and page downs in order to try to follow a comment thread.
Now I think it's time for a good old fashioned Cephalopod Gang Bang.
Is it cephalopod friday or something?
I'll throw in a strobing cuttlefish if so
Yes! And thanks for the Strobing Cuttlefish!
I declared it Cephalopods Fucking Friday in honor of all the penises earlier on and just because.
I had one of those back in college, you know, back in my squidward days. Man, that thing was wild after…oh, um, never mind.
I went through a Tentacle-Curious phase in College myself. I think everyone does. Ah, memories.
Yeah, I've come across some hentai in my days on the net too.
Then, with age and wisdom, one moves on to the Pfeffer's Flamboyant Cuttlefish. With a name like Pfeffer's, you know it's got to be flamboyant.
Wow, you know that would be the perfect date for Lindsay Graham.
Pfefferige Pharms Remembers.
Oh Suuuuuuuuuuuure. I take a Friday Wonkette break and yer all fucking/being fucked by squid.
HMMPH.
This is exactly the kind of post I never see anywhere but on Wonkette.
Sorry, We'll do it again, I promise.
He could rent out his forehead as a whiteboard. There's one use. I suppose you could stick umbrellas in either end, that's two.
…AAAaannd I'm spent. I'd say "Rent Boy" but come on, who is going to put their penis in THAT?
Fire all the women so they can go be Mommies at home and make America safe.
Ron Johnson looks and sounds like a muppet brought to life. That is all.
"life"?
So, in this case, his staff and his bunghole are one and the same.
That takes some flexibility.
“It’s kind of like watching a temper tantrum by a 2-year-old in the middle of the grocery store.”
Ah, one of the more mature tea-tards.
Wisconsin Republicans are a whole different breed of asshole. The are the pustules of maggot covered assholes.
Son of the Beach….
Is that you, Notch?
BTW, Carl Levin libel!
He is not a lesbian penguin. It's an open secret in Michigan that he is actually one of the lesser Keebler elves. Rumor has it that he doesn't actually live in a Lafayette Park condo tower in Detroit, but in one of the trees in the actual park.
Well, that makes sense! Wait…he's not the one who burned down the old Hollow Tree, is he? I know the factory had fire code violations, but really…
I'm just glad everyone got out OK, covered in melted chocolate or not.
Policy should not be the stepchild of politics.
OK, that was waaaay too intelligent a comment for Friday night.
I think you were looking for <a href="http://www.aphorisms.com” target=”_blank”>www.aphorisms.com. This is Wonkete.
Aah, cut him some slack. All he needs is to add a link to a cuttlefish orgy, and he's golden.
Yeah, you guys have to give me one snarkless post every once in awhile.
Of this congress — and Jon Rhonson here is exemplary– future historians will say, "Although they accomplished little, they did name a lot of post offices, and then they closed them."
ahhh…another hometown fuckstick makes good. Let me fire all the idiots who keep telling me I need to do my job or I'll get voted out…maybe the next group of idiots will be different.
It's bad when GOPpers purge – santorum all over the place
Somewhat off topic, but I've discovered "Reinhold Reince Priebus" is an anagram for "Bionic Deer Penis Hurler " Not exactly "Insane Anglo Warlord" but what the hey.
Five bucks says Reince has a dressage whip made from a deer penis in one of his drawers.
Cheezeheadz, you can file your choice of Ron Johnson under "What Happens When You Find A Stranger In The Alps."
No Schlitz.
One thing for sure, William S. Burroughs would not think of Ron Johnson as a "Johnson" though he might have thought him a Rube or a Mark…
When a Republican fires his entire staff, it's streamlining. When a Democrat does it, it's a fact he will lose his next election, all have lost confidence in him.
I think I should get paid for that, by POLITICO.
Also, Ron might be Wisconsin's Junior Senator, but he's a born Minnesotan. So, once more, I say, fuck you, wannabe Canadians.
Ron Johnson has a short staff.
I think Jim got that photo from Photoshop of Horrors
What the fuck is in the water in that outdoor crapper of a State? I wouldn't buy car insurance from that fucker just based on his appearance, much less vote for him for public office.
I'm guessing that, to the typical macular-degenerate Wisconsin Republican gramma and grampa, he looked like "a nice boy."
To everyone else, of course: a slab o' filleted whitefish.
A crappy crappie?
Never trusted that type, myself.
I love the smell of exploding RepubliCONS in the morning.
OT, but little Ricky may have reached a new low, and the sack o' shit isn't even running for the Presidency (in 2012) any more.
little Ricky
/ small dick – fixed
OT: Wonketeers (or just me) already know Republicans are assholes, and started really breaking for Assholeville in the late 70s, but here's proof (since you Liebruhls seem to think "facts" are so goddamn important). http://n.pr/InyZfB
Part 1:
"has not been diligent in building relationships with other Senators within the Conference and has alienated himself by not reaching out more frequently to colleagues.
“He’s an interesting case study of someone who has talked more than he has listened, lectured more than he has developed relationships with his colleagues, and now he’s having a tough time because of that behavior in advancing his policy goals,” one senior GOP aide said. [...]
“The Senate is still about relationships, and he doesn’t seem to get that,” the aide continued."
Just the other day, The Viking and I were having a conversation about how politics is, bar none, the most *codependent* form of job on earth. If I want to be a painter, or a singer, or a dancer, or a writer, I can still paint/sing/dance/write, even if everybody hates me and think I suck. I won't make any *money* at it, but I can still *do* it, and who knows, maybe after my death I'll get famous for being unappreciated in my lifetime, like Van Gogh and countless others.
Part 2:
But you CANNOT be a politician unless other people, *many* other people, LET you; it's logically impossible. Sure, *some* politicians are OK people, but given the very nature of politics as, literally, a popularity contest, I can't think of any field of endeavor more predestined for ass-kissing and sociopaths.
“Carl Levin is a lesbian penguin,”
Here I must respectfully disagree.
Carl Levin is NOT a lesbian penguin.
*Bruce Jenner* is a lesbian penguin.
*Carl Levin* is a gigantic but kindly eggplant from the Planet of Vegetable Aliens.
He is just have a hard time now that he realizes he is gay.
Every single night I weep that this guy replaced Russ Feingold. We got so fucked in Wisconsin. And yes nation, half of the state who are not conservative understand this.
I recall recently chatting with him at the local glory hole…Didn't see his face, but he said, this is my johnson, suck it. I said I would if I could actually see it. I passed. Nuff said…..
Point: taken.
Well, without the usefulness, I suppose.
Also, I seem to remember the Moties repeatedly jumping to the Crazy Eddie point in a sun's protosphere and not working out why the fuck it doesn't work. Sounds like a neat-o metaphor for trickle-down economics.
Yes! that's how the novel ends and why the Blockade is so effective. The Moties keep doing the same thing over and over. It is the perfect Teabagger metaphor.
"Nothing's too Disgustin' for Old Dick Wrench!"
WTF (heh) is it with the Japanese and Tentacles? I've seen some really weird things, but that just boggles me.
Marcus Bachmann, Lindsay Graham and a Pfeffer's flamboyant cuttlefish walk into a bar …
…and the bartender says "Hey! We don't serve Pervertebrates here!"
and the bartender says "Hi, Mitt".
(I know this doesn't compare to your taxonomically correct humour, but it's election season).
Pfluffer's might be better.
Which doesn't sit well with poor Lindsay.
Oh, and WINININININSKI! Wasn't until I googled it looking for assorted phyla jokes that I caught it. Hoo hoo hoo!
You win the cephalopod friday evening! I was cracking up at that.
Thanks, this is the most I've laughed in months, it's just so stupid.
Feels good.
This is from 1814
WTF?
I think it stems from anti porn regulations. Showing a penis is verboten, but a tentacle with a glans can slip through the cracks, as it were.
Lindsay might not want to Sit Down at all.
Holy Seafood Sex! They've been at this particular kink for a really long time, haven't they?
Thanks – that's exactly what Cephalopod Fucking Friday has been missing. Tentacle Porn.
I'm still laughing my ass off. I don't know where these things come from.
Thank you, GSM. It is my wish to beautify America.
Ah, but there is a sequel.
Also, a Teabag-Motie metaphor contains a fatal flaw — the Moties are smart.
The Gripping Hand? I know of it, but haven't read it. They escape their solar system through Normal space, right?
Yeah, the whole Motie-Teabagger thing is an imperfect metaphor. However, the Watchmakers blindly hurtling towards mutual destruction is not a bad one.
I'm sure there's a reverse cowboy joke in there somewhere.
Talking about cuttleboners is not approved of here anymore.
When Lindsay tried to execute the Reverse Cowboy dismount without a spotter, the saddle's Pommel really hit home. "It was a one-in-a-million shot Doc, I swear!" he said, to the Surgeon.
(1) Not exactly.
(2) It's not as consistently good as Mote, but it has its points. The main characters from Mote are older. Kevin Renner gets a little more air time.
(3) The (human) gender stereotyping is substantially less obnoxious. (Motie gender stereotyping is a major plot point).
(4) I'll readily give you Watchmakers == Teabaggers. The whole point of Watchmakers is that they lacked any kind of global self-awareness.
1) Thanks for not blowing it for me. I may read it yet.
2) I liked Kevin Renner. That's good.
3) I think a lot of the (human) stereotyping came straight from Pournelle and Niven softened it. I'd like to think so, at any rate.
4) Good. The Watchmakers is right where this whole thread started.
Fusili Lindsey?
"It was a one-in-a-million shot Doc, I swear!" he said, to the Sturgeon." Fixed.
What about the skulls?
Exactly!
I wish they were dead.
What about the Bones in the Ground?
They were ok, but a lifetime supply? I mean Dule was ok, but even with a pickled Ginger, he gets kind of old.
Neez moar harpy.
I hadn't noticed. My filter must be working.
When we were living in Japan, Kid Zoom was but a wee tot. When he was about 3, we were in the grocery store, and he asked as we passed the seafood section, 'Do we need any tentacles?" It seemed a perfectly reasonable question.
Oh, that's a keeper! Of course, if you'd been walking past the manga section, then it would have occasioned a different sort of squirming, so to speak.
How is Kid Z? Tell him I said, um, Tentacles!
A couple years ago an old scuba diving buddy sent me a very interesting under water vid which is definately NSW. Since everything is now on the internet I'm sure it can be found with an appropriate keyword search.
Yeah, I shit myself. The blood crystals curdled and then liquefied and then ejected through my rectum. FOX is strong medicine.
It sure is. At least, you never make that mistake more than once. I hope you weren't out in public.
Grammar Nazi. Hey! There's a Party for that now!
Uh, yet another reason why I lurve this site. When I read comments like yours, it feeds into my delusional paranoid narcissism that all commenters are really just a multiple personality of me typing what I think.
That was my weird way of saying: agreed completely.
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