war on honesty

War On Moms Update: Moms Retreat To Gun Convention

STOP THEMThe Moms can really hotfoot it, but we have tracked them down with illegal surveillance tools: They are in St. Louis at an NRA convention, listening to every paranoiac in the country spout off about and/or purchase as many guns as possible. If the Moms are safe anywhere, it’s surely at a convention of gun nuts “testing” the latest weapons of death by firing them indiscriminately, to determine which lucky assault rifles will max out their credit cards this year. You’re in steady hands, Moms.

Look, there’s #1 Mom Ever, Ann Romney, instagramming with non-mom and known political enemy Cally Gingrich. You non-moms who are defecting — what’s it like, being the actual Benedict Arnold? We’re looking forward to your illegal Gitmo military tribunals, is all.

The soaring battlefield rhetoric that has lifted the rebel matriarchs to mount a not-insignificant resistance in the War on Moms — which, again, is the term applied when crazy Democrats suggest that single mothers who work full-time just to meet basic needs have a more difficult life than Ann Romney, bless her heart — was everywhere, today, at the lunatics’ gun show:

Speaking in front of hundreds of gun owners — a group that has not necessairly embraced the former Massachussetts governor — Romney brought to the stage his wife, Ann, “my sweetheart” while addressing the National Rifle Association conference on Friday.

Ann Romney has welcomed a larger role in the campaign after, earlier in the week, being brought into a debate about the role of woman at home and in the workplace.

“I happen to believe all moms are working moms,” Mitt Romney said while introducing his wife.

Keep fighting, Moms. America is finally aware of the war, on you — literally every single one of you, for the most malicious of reasons — as declared by a mother the other night on CNN. One day this whole conflict will be all over, and Moms might finally win a little bit of respect.

[Post-Dispatch, Atlantic Wire]

Related

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

211 comments

  1. Rosie_Scenario

    Callista has the hardest job ever. Taking care of the biggest toddler in the world. He's a good eater, but the tantrums!

    1. Callyson

      That's why she insists on being paid with diamonds.

      Well, that plus she knows better than to take a check from Newt.

  2. Barb

    Sarah Palin has posted that this has "awakened many mama grizzlies" How would you like to be the one who has to update her on how many of her chubby cubs got pregnant while she was hibernating?

    1. C_R_Eature

      Sure, sleep through all the Daughter-Impregnation happening in the next room, but wake up for a Photo-op?
      And you call us disgusting.

    2. peaceocrap

      Thank God! I've been wondering how Palin is the victim in this, now we'll all find out.

  3. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Republican Birth Control:

    You can't prevent conception or have an abortion, but you can leave your gun around and hope the kid knocks himself or herself off.

    1. soeoho

      Republican Birth Control:
      I agree, but I really thought you were talking about the photo.
      Limp has a new meaning.

      1. Dudleydidwrong

        That's not hair. That's her space helmet without the visor. She's auditioning for a role in the upcoming Hollywood blockbuster epic rather big film entitled "Flash Gordon: Space Rent Boy" Callista is going to play a killer grandmother.

      1. C_R_Eature

        You're welcome! That can be arranged.

        I thought more people would be freaked out. I guess it's too early for Mescaline.

  4. rickmaci

    I'm looking at the two women, their clothes, hair and jewels: if you had to guess, which one is married to the guy with the $1/2 billion net worth?

  5. iburl

    Yo momma so soul-less, empty-eyed and robotic she make Callista Gingrich look like a human being.

  6. GuyClinch

    Those eyes! Those terrible Callista eyes! God, you freaky cyborg, watch where you point those things!

    Also, the whites of her/its eyes are are a sort of terrible storm-front gray. Whattup with that?

  7. YasserArraFeck

    Note that Mama Rmoney is micc'ed, while Callista isn't – they just want her to stand there, silent and terrifying (alternatively – "who gives a shit what the Missus of an Also-Ran has to say?")

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      It's funny but Ann is probably about 20 years older than Callista but you sure wouldn't know it by looking at them.

  8. Lucidamente1

    “I happen to believe all moms are working moms.”

    Does that mean he enjoys firing them?

  9. C_R_Eature

    Are those two from Stepford, or the Village of the Dammed?

    Could be either one, I think.

  10. Barb

    Why has no one bitched about the 3 year war on President Obama's mom? Mitt's son tweeted about Obama's birth certificate. Gosh, is Obama's mom a liar?

    1. OC_Surf_Serf

      Barb, probs for the same reason Trevon wasn't considered to be standing his ground against the stalking Zimmerman.

    2. LetUsBray

      Hell, I'm waiting for Romney to start demanding people on his side (like Limbaugh, Ingraham, etc, etc.) apologize for all the vile shit they've said about the first lady.

      I'll be waiting a while, won't I?

    3. reliefsinn

      Not only have they inferred that she is a liar, I have seen these low-life morans refer to the Obamas as a "three-generation welfare family" on right wing sites. Looking at all these rather strongly-worded comments about Callista and Ann Romney on this board, I have yet to see one that comes close to the disgusting and vile racist comments made about the Obamas found on most right wing sites. Thanks, Wonketeers, for making me feel ok about being a card-carrying, bleeding heart liberal.

  11. Generation[redacted]

    “I happen to believe all moms are working moms. Except those who work outside the home. They're just sluts.”

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I've seen one of a praying mantis devouring her mate that came close, but nothing can truly touch this.

      I mean that literally. I could not touch this with my hands.

  12. MaxNeanderthal

    I don't think the gunaholics ever see real women too much, far less relate with them -other than their one-handed net-surfing in their parents basement, of course…..

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Gunaholics in Arizona aren't in their mom's basements. Here they build special buildings for their armaments in the back 40. Plenty of room for the delivery trucks to back in with the weekly stock they need because Obama is taking their guns away.

  13. SkinnyNerd

    Every time the Rmoneybot triangulates its message, I wonder how many algorithms are working on pinpointing what the issue of the day will be. But guns and women is a combination I would have never expected, good work Rmoneybot manufacturers.

  14. Baconzgood

    I haven't seen that much cunt since in one place since I worked as an OBGYN.

    (Just kidding. I'm not a gynecologist. But I'd be willing to take a look at it for you ladies.)

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      She stands atop her two cadillacs, straddling their sinewy backs, with chaingun and bowie knife screaming "CUT THEM OFF WILLARD! FUCK, GET CLOSER! CLOSE IN YOU TWIT! I NEED BLOOD!"

  15. Radio福井県

    I awoke this morning and Shazam! Everybody to the left of Chuck Norris HATES mothers of every ilk. It's now the Democrats War on Women. De nada.

  16. Baconzgood

    Woah. I glanced at that photograph and next thing I knew 1/2 hour passed. I think Cally Gingrich hypnotized me.

  17. Radio福井県

    Just once, once, before Newt goes back into the cesspool he crawled out of, I want someone to hit that hair helmet of her's with a baseball bat. For Science!

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Impervious to all known human forms of attack. Termites burrow underneath, however.

  18. owhatever

    Women prefer poison and multiple sharp knives, but a gun will do just fine when the creep is caught in bed with another woman.

    Somebody's going to get banged tonight.

  19. WonkCynic

    American lefties pretend they don't like firearms; but they don't seem to have a problem with a President who enjoys purchasing untold numbers of drones. I guess if the ordinance can be aimed and shot at the target via remote control it doesn't count?
    During Vietnam while gooks were the targets the popular expression of the era was "Kill a Commie for Mommie". Many little Charlie Kongs were shot up at the behest of Johnson and his friends Dick and Henry. In our current age of Obama Drones dropping ordinance on women and children in Afghanistan and Libya, the popular expression has been updated to "Kill a sand nigga mama fo' Obama". And the affirmative action Nobel Prize goes to, the nigga who can use remote control to blast away the most sand nigga bitches. Of course, you lefties will call me the evil racist for using those expressions. But I'm not the one killing 'em. YOU ARE. The ball's been in your sand nigga blasting hippocrite court for three years; and your nigga prez took the ball and ran the fuck away with it. Just as expected.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Wow, you so perfectly mimicked what I would expect to hear from the Right. Bravo! Takes genius to get the tone and content of a Conservative crazy…so right.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Real, unadulterated crazy is always so much better than the fake sarcastic crazy that we come up with.

    2. CapnFatback

      Oh, crap, thanks for reminding me; I haven't killed my share of people you find racially inferior yet today. I knew I was forgetting something.

    3. anniegetyerfun

      I really hate to respond to you in any way that indicates that I take you seriously, but if you knew ANYTHING about the readership of this blog, you would know that this is not a group that condones the way the past two administrations have handled any of the various wars in the Mid East and Central Asia. Some of us avidly protest the wars and the way they are conducted. Disagreeing with the way that the US government conducts itself does not mean that we automatically have to agree that Obama is not an American citizen. Watching other Americans denigrate our President based on the color of his skin, and not on his policy, is only one of many topics that might raise our ire.

      I'm sure you consider yourself edgy, tossing around terms like "sand nigga" and "gook" with impunity, but truly, it just makes you look like a fucking idiot.

      Also, "Kill a sand nigga mama fo' Obama" is a terrible phrase (not only because meaning, but also because the meter is all off) and I'll be amazed if you have proof that anyone is using that phrase.

      1. Radio福井県

        Tx, annie. small minds like this clown's hardly deserve our attention, but I appreciate your thoughtful riposte.

      2. C_R_Eature

        Yeoman's work, Annie. It's sure to pass over the Trolls head like so many helium balloons, but we appreciate the effort. It's good practice too, for genuine debate with people who matter.

    4. Jukesgrrl

      Welcome, Friday Troll® . You're going to have to work really hard to equal the work of some of your predecessors, but you seem up to the job. By the way, cynic doesn't mean racist.

    5. Wile E. Quixote

      Not me dude. I love firearms, I just think that they should be kept away from Republicans and retards like you.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Agreed. Shooting is fun. Hunting is fun. Paranoid fools with weapons wandering free, not so much.

        1. Wile E. Quixote

          Yeah, I believe that Robert Heinlein's dicta about "an armed society is a polite society" could work out in a society composed of people like Robert A. Heinlein (who was a huge, flaming lefty when he was younger) but not so much when you have a bunch of lazy, stupid, shiftless, deranged, raving, good-for-nothing deranged conservative bastards (who can barely be considered to be conscious life-forms) running around. Then it's a lot less polite and a lot more bullett-y.

    6. HempDogbane

      Kill a sand blah, please my momma !

      WonkRacist, please click on the link for the Wonkette Stylebook, read it carefully twice through, then come back.

  20. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Is it just me or is callista's lizard face starting to show through just a bit?

  21. flamingpdog

    I never thought I'd see "mama grizzly" and "a tax" in the same sentence without the word "repeal" being there, too, also.

  22. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Ann looks downright doable compared to that bat-shit crazy ass bitch next to her.

  23. SayItWithWookies

    Wow — that photo so embodies helplessness in a frozen wasteland that I suddenly have an affinity for Robert Falcon Scott.

  24. flamingpdog

    “I happen to believe all moms are working moms,” Mitt Romney said.

    Even those shif'less welfare moms, Mittens?!? I think you just lost another million votes there.

    1. Abbystinence

      Barbecued dog?
      Mitt Romney has again chosen to thumb his nose at the all-important dog vote by throwing a fundraising birthday party for his wife Ann at the house of Frederick Malek III. Malek is a living terror — when he was a youth, he was arrested for animal cruelty after police discovered that he and some friends had killed and barbecued a dog. http://jezebel.com/5901745/ann-romneys-birthday-p

  25. George Spelvin

    I want to make it clear that when I say KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!, I am making a sarcastic (or absurdist) remark pertinent to the above photograph, and not in any way proposing an actual course of action.

    1. Boojum

      Of course, if you WERE proposing such a course, it would accurately describe how to dispatch a creature that can regenerate instantaneously.

  26. CapnFatback

    Ann Romney has welcomed a larger role in the campaign after, earlier in the week, being brought into a debate about the role of woman at home and in the workplace

    Doesn't there have to be some disagreement for there to be a "debate"?

    "Yes, women can be moms or they can work or they can do both."

    See? We're all winners!

  27. barto

    "I happen to believe all moms are working moms."
    No really, honestly. I have no idea how I came to this conclusion, it just sort of happened, ya know? Spookey…

  28. soeoho

    Needz new top story and picature NOW! Iz scardt. Wax museum naughtmares and all! Make it stop…..

  29. HarryButtle

    Even Stephen King never wrote about anything as scary as that Callista Gingrich. Monster dogs? Killer prom queens? Deranged hotel caretakers? Evil sewer clowns? She laughs at them.

  30. fuflans

    yeah cause a war on moms would surely never involve taking away their contraception, taking away equal pay for equal work, sticking mandatory wands up their hoo haws, calling them sluts or telling them to go back to abusive spouses.

    yeah, no not that.

    i hate these fucking people.

  31. fartknocker

    How did Callista get to St. Louis? I thought Papa Turd Newt maxed out all his credit cards and isn't into paying for anything.

  32. smitallica

    I think it's hilarious that the GOP is labeling it a "partisan attack" to say that it might just be a tad easier to provide for kids when your husband is worth hundreds of millions of dollars, and you have a shitload of domestic help.

  33. BarackMyWorld

    “I happen to believe all moms are working moms,” Mitt Romney said…

    Does that include the moms on welfare? Or are they still the lazy baby-factories conservatives have always portrayed them as?

  34. Texan_Bulldog

    Oh goody, the NRA Convention. I'm pretty sure I'd rather be at a cockfight, my own funeral or watching old people gum their food at the Cracker Barrel than be within a 200 mile radius of the gun nuts.

  35. snoopyfan2010

    This saying nice things about Mommy is nice but what about those women without children? Does Obama hate them too?

  36. tbogg

    The look on Ann Romney's face indicates that she smells "sin" on Callista. "Oh, and you must be Newt's little whore. How nice to meet you….". fifteen seconds later: "Anyone seen my Purell?"

    1. Boojum

      Seriously? You do know how babbies are made, right? I would suggest you think through that process in re Callista, but I like you too much.

      1. Boojum

        Ann's smile, prolly, has to do with the fear of standing beside the alien carnivore creature. Up close, you can smell the rotting blood.

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      It's more like a sneer than a smile. Given the lifestyle she's used to, I'm sure she's used the "sneer of death" quite a lot.

  37. Wile E. Quixote

    Wow, that picture of Callista could be used for the artwork on Pink Floyd's new single, Shine on Your Diamonds, Crazy.

  38. Wile E. Quixote

    Back in 1997 the NRA convention was in Seattle and as I was a member at the time I decided to check it out. My biggest take-away? A significant portion of the NRA's membership knows sweet fuck-all about safe firearms handling skills. I don't know how many fucktards I saw in the exhibitor's area examining guns while paying no attention to where they were pointed, ignoring the basic firearms safety dictum that there is no such thing as an unloaded gun.

  39. ElPinche

    I've dabbled with Real Dolls(tm) , so fuck it. I'll take one for the team and hit those mannequins. Crank up Starship…♫ "Nothings gonna stop us now!"

  40. Negropolis

    What is that, that…thing on the right?! Good lord, that is the Grendel!

    That's the difference between no plastic surgery and overdone plastic surgery, right there.

    BTW, Ann has never shot off a gun in her life (thank god). Also, she is not bad looking. Also.

  41. Maman

    If Callista Gingrich is considered someone's mother, than I want post-partum abortion available for all as she is the least motherly human I have ever seen.

  42. ead213

    literally worst article to read right before bed… i can't stop involuntarily glancing at what is called "callista" and will for sure be having some nightmares with glaring blonde lizardroids coming after me in my sleep.

  43. Isyaignert

    Cally's eyes look bloodshot and glassey; perhaps she's herb friendly. I sure as h3ll would be if I had to live with a Gnewt.

  44. Wile E. Quixote

    Holy fuck! I so want to see a match between the Callista-bot and Rmoney with the new Rmoneybot-2012 software upgrade. I think it would be an epic beat-down that would make the fight scenes in Terminator 3 look like something from an extremely innocent Disney feature starring Fred MacMurray as an absent-minded something or other. Can you imagine Rmoney grabbing the Callista-bot by her ankles, swinging her around and using her to take out support beams so the ceiling would collapse. Can you see the Callista-bot climbing out of that wreckage, picking up a girder and jamming it through Rmoney's chest, pinning him to the wall and then using another girder to beat the shit out of him. Rmoney struggles futilely while the Callista-bot just savagely and sadistically beats the fucking shit out of him and knocks him offline so you think he's dead. But he isn't!
    Rmoney pulls his legs up and kicks himself off the girder, he finds a huge box and opens it, it's full of huge nasty looking axes, the kind of thing that firefighters use these days to break through doors. He grabs a dozen of them and goes looking for the Callista-bot. goes looking for Callista-bot. He finds the Callista-bot by a spent-fuel cooling pool at a nuclear reactor. She's going to drain the pool and cause it to critical and explode like a huge dirty bomb. Rmoney has a huge showdown with the Callista-bot. Serious hard core axe fu follows. Rmoney has a dozen of them. So he just wastes a few of them throwing them at Callista-bot and getting them stuck in her so she has to slow down to pull them out and then wait for her mimetic polyalloy to reform. Once she gets close to Rmoney though the shit starts to happen. Rmoney completely eschews subtlety. He just wades in and starts beating the shit out of the Callista-bot. Hammering at her with one axe until she gets it stuck in her and then hammering on her with another while she pulls the first one out. This shit is starting to take it's toll , as bits of the Callista-bot are knocked free from her they fall below a critical threshold and decohere from the communications matrix that keeps the mimetic polyalloy together. Finally Rmoney buries an axe in her forehead and she falls backwards into the spent-fuel cooling pond. The high radiation flux causes ionization inside of the Callista-bot's mimetic polyalloy that causes her to break down explosively (because if you think about it there's a lot of energy packed into that mimetic polyalloy to keep it together and allow it to change shape. Yeah, that would be fucking awesome.

    1. Boojum

      Somebody needs to write comic books. I think a first issue of "Muslin Man!" about a blah superhero battling the invasion of aliens and their robot assassins would be a big hit.

  45. freddymcmurray

    I live ten minutes from the "Lou" and let me tell you, the force is strong with this crowd. It thundered and lightning'ed all evening. Or maybe that was just a Newtopotamus on the hotel floor in a kicking and screaming tantrum, because room service stopped at 10pm.

  46. banana_bread

    As a stay at home mom, I feel like I should get all riled up about this, but meh. I have bonbons to eat and afternoon stories to watch.

  47. Boojum

    I've been staring at the pic of Callista and I think I've figured her out. She is an alien, from a species that wants humans to reach the moon, so that it will be easier to capture them for food. She really is not wearing a very good costume.

  48. EloquentScience

    How cool is that? Taking the wives to the NRA Conference. If Ann and Callista were as big into guns to go the NRA conference, Mittens and Newton must really be looking forward to the Women Dragged Around the Political Circuit Conference next month.

  49. ttommyunger

    Odd couple, indeed: faithful wife and mother/conniving childless homewrecking gold-digging cunt. I'd be surprised if the camera remained intact after this shot.

  50. UW8316154

    I think that dinner at Ann's house would be a lot more fun than meal-time at Callista's. Do a little pre-func and you're ready to roll!

  51. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Can someone remind me what you're supposed to do when a mama grizzly attacks?

    Lipstick

  52. greenide1

    The way Callista's eyes are bugged out, she looks like Ann is holding a gun to her back. Come to think of it, Callista always looks like that. Maybe Newt has been holding her hostage.

  53. DocChaos

    How does a sixty year old woman take 20 years off her looks? Stand next to Callista Gingrich, that's how.

    For all you haters who think Ann Romney doesn't "work", do you think it's an easy job to hide your contempt for the common riff-raff your husband's campaign forces you to come in contact with?

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      Say what you want about John Kerry (e.g. "why the long face"? etc), but his wife never fucking bothered hiding her utter disdain for everyone in the entire world who had less than 100M.

  54. BarryWDC

    Personally, if I looked as batshit crazy as Callista, I wouldn't place myself anywhere near a bunch of people with guns.

Comments are closed.