Iowa state Senator Mark Chelgren was laughed out of the room just because he tried to amend a Health and Human Services budget bill to include drug-testing all divorced moms if their exes who pay them child support demand it. Man, divorced dads get no respect! We are not sure if “demand drug testing for that bitch” is on this list of tips on “how to minimize child support” from fathersrights.org, because all the crazytown typefaces stabbed our eyeballs, but it certainly should be!
Iowa parents who receive child support on behalf of their kids would be required to submit to drug tests as frequently as every six months under a controversial amendment to a budget bill that was laughed at and ultimately withdrawn today in the Senate.
The proposal came from Sen. Mark Chelgren, R-Ottumwa who said he was pushing the idea on behalf of an unidentified constituent who believed his ex was using child support money for illegal drugs.
A person paying child support under Chelgren’s proposal could require the recipient to a drug test every six months as long as they pay the costs.
Some Democratic senators openly laughed as Chelgren made the proposal.
That’s because Democrats are all lesbian adopters who are waging a war on motherhood and men. Mark Chelgren for President! [DesMoinesRegister]
{ 197 comments }
The democrats "War on Men' has begun.
FInally.
Begun, the Democrats' "War on Men" has.
Fixed.
I just… I just… I just want to do something special, for all the ladies of the world.
Even the hermaphrodite lady-man ladies.
Why, because if mommy smoked weed the kid doesn't deserve the luxury of 3 square meals a day?
Well, duh! Children should always have to suffer for their parents' misdeeds, no matter how minor, or even if they're illegal but not really wrong.
Uh, yeah. Also, terrism.
Well, if the kids smoke the weed, there'll need to be quite a few snacks thrown in there as well. So take that into account.
And if the situation ever degenerates to the point that the children are ever found with an empty bag of weed, well, I'm afraid that at that they'll have to be put down.
No, because if daddy is mad at mommy then the kid doesn't desrve the luxury of eating regularly.
If she can afford to eat poppy seed muffins, she can pay for Junior's dental work her own damn self.
I'd like to chain Sen. Mark Chelgren to a chair, pump him full of LSD, stick headphones on him and play Neon Meate Dream of a Octafish at him for 12 hours.
To start.
Ok. I am totally with you for Cuttlefish Fucking Friday but that shit is too much.
Yeah it's not for everyone and it's a very good punishment, but I like it. Probably says a lot about me.
Just make sure it is the brown acid.
Cut with PCP.
Styrichnine, also too.
How about an Habanero, LSD and Rotavirus enema?
God, you're evil! (Uh, keep at it, huh?)
Of course, Chelgren might secretly like your affectionate touches….)
All righty.
Excuse me. I need to go be Ill.
Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon where the alarm clocks go off.
Yeah. Jack him up on Acid and put "Time" on a loop. He'll be hanging himself from the ceiling in an hour.
Good idea!
So, it's NOT going to be 'Boobs' day?
The guy sounds like a boob to me.
Rimshot.
Just another case of the Wonkette war on men I'm afraid. Or maybe it's an advancement of the radical homosexual agenda… I don't know, whichever one is the news freakout du jour today I guess. Either way, I'm disappointed.
Yeah, ya know, I pay her CHILD SUPPORT, which means she has more custody than I do. I want to test her for drugs, not try to change the custody arrangement. Just because I think she's on drugs doesn't mean I want that fucking kid coming over to MY house more. Drug test!
What in the hell is wrong with these assholes?
Whatever it is (and in each case it may be a different thing) it probably contributed to the reasons they got divorced in the first place.
Hmm. Ya think?
Choose wisely, ladies.
EXACTLY the point. It does not matter what caused a relationship to begin or end… but if it ends with children in tow, they should be taken care of.
Meanwhile, if she's on drugs, maybe she might get arrested. I mean, fuck… we've only been waging a war on drugs for thirty goddamned years. One would think it's a criminal offense or something.
Jesus, these people.
"What in the hell is wrong with these assholes?"
Well, they forgot to buy condoms for a start.
Or to take the pill before going camping….
Um, drugs?…
My ex-wife tested a lot of drugs.
Do you have that effect on all women? I know I do. It's a gift, I guess.
…and thus your children must starve.
How about mandatory drug testing for people under court order to pay child support? If they're doing drugs, they probably aren't working as hard as they could be, and that diminishes their ability to pay.
Won't somebody please think of the children???
Silly Hera. Men are people. They have rights.
You mean XY, LLC, correct?
"Won't somebody please think of the children???"
Nah. It's their own fault that they were borned. If they'd have stayed as zygotes, embryos, or fetuses they would be OK. It's the born thing that Republicans don't like.
those children should have been smart enough not to exit the vagina….
It's Iowa — It would have sailed through if he'd have been smart enough to include a transvaginal ultrasound in it. Or something with a corncob.
Or both.
Transvaginal ultrasound with a corncob sounds really, really nasty.
The squirrels love it!
I live in Iowa, and the only thing keeping laws like this (you know, "Republican" laws) from sailing on through to be signed by the Republican gov is the Democratically held senate. That's why we're not quite as awful as FL, AZ, WI, TN, VA, ….whatever fascist enclave is currently cutting their education budgets more to encourage the ignorance that yields solid Republican votes. Who says they don't think long term?
My super intense dad instincts would also kick in if I thought this was happening, and I would stop at nothing NOTHING until i knew that I didn't have to write any more checks evar. Getting socialIST services involved would only be for anti-man communists.
"The war on women is fiction".
Clearly didn’t have the balls to stand up to the “Big Mom” lobby.
I really like that they laughed in his face.
Demanding drug tests for people receiving food stamps is every bit as laughable, but somehow that turd passed through my state's legislature.
If he represents Ottumwa, then they will be drug testing everyone.
My ex and I divorced when our children were 1 and 2 years-old. When Christine started collage at age 18, I asked for her father to put her on his health insurance and the state of Delaware made me go to a "coping with divorce" class. I explained to the Family Court judge that we'd been divorced for 16 years already and they still made me go.
I went to the "coping with divorce" class and I told them I'd been divorced for 16 years and didn't want to be there. Some guy turned to me and said, "16 years and you still can't cope with it?" Then he had the balls to ask me out for a date during a smoke break. I told him, "no, I am still trying to deal with my divorce."
That's straight up bullshit.
But that guy sounds llike a catch! You missed out.
Lol BooBoo. I asked the guy to stop bitching about his ex-wife in the class. I explained to everyone that we should listen, nod our heads and get our certificate at the end of the class without making it take any longer than necessary. He just kept thrusting his little paw into the air to be heard.
My ex also had to take the class. The morning of the class, I awoke to four screwdrivers, one in each of my tires. I should remarry Mike, assuring the rest of his life is going to be a living hell.
Whenever I picture my ex-husband it's with a caption that reads, "What the fuck was I thinking?"
Holy shit. What a fucking psycho.
Any hooooo. I am constantly surprised at the amount of men I've met who think it's appropriate to bitch about their ex on a first date.
But seriously, what a fucking psycho.
Let me assure you that this is not gender specific behavior. Women do the same thing.
So, your ex was not good at fixing flats and thought screws would help?
Coping With Divorce class is where all the fine, freshly single bitches be at.
The real tragedy of people who don't want or need these classes being forced to go is that it fucks up this Casanova's target-rich environment of emotionally vulnerable women.
No, no. You want to pick them up at the abortionplex.
I. Never. THOUGHT OF THAT!!!
MY ex-husband, (again, what was I thinking?), visited the Holocaust Museum in DC. And the whole time he kept saying stuff like, "You're not really Jewish, you never go to Temple" and "Those green leather trench coats the SS wore were really stylish" and "What do they sell in the gift shop anyway? Lampshades?" and the one that made me resolve to get the divorce was…"I bet this is a really good place to pick up Jewish chicks"
"Some guy turned to me and said, "16 years and you still can't cope with it?"
Sounds to me like he might have just been practicing a little sarcasm/irony. Perhaps he was a wonketeer.
That is an excellent start of a sitcom episode, Barb.
"The New Adventures of a Wonkette Warrior"
My cousin was in Delaware? When?
James, THAT was your cousin? His mom dropped him off at the class, the instructor mentioned that he didn't pay for the class yet, he bummed cigarettes off everyone during the smoke break and he suggested that his wife was the person hiding in the Zapruder film. He was a real catch.
Did he use a match book to pick his teeth and then spit on the floor? Thant’s him.
I missed out on all these awkward Thanksgiving dinners with you just because I wouldn't date your cousin? This guy struck me as the type who needed a ketchup bottle at the Thanksgiving table.
Did not know you lived in: (pick one) Arizona, Iowa, Wisconsin, Georgia, aw fuck it, the list is too long.
They should drug test the kids, too.
The schools do that before handing out the mops and brooms for their janitorial shift.
In a lot of school systems, they do. If you want piano lessons, it's pee in this cup.
Yet another reason I call the GOP the Go-Pee party.
Dey took ar
jerbspee!Some Democratic senators openly laughed as Chelgren made the proposal.
Have they twatted their apologies yet? Oh, and Dems, from Barry on down, grow a fucking set, ferchrissakes.
Frankly, I look forward to more and more Republican proposals receiving exactly this reception.
Your move, Congressman Joe Walsh.
one can only fervently hope soon to be ex-congressman joe walsh.
Of course, then he won't be able to pay child support because of having no job.
When are they going to drug test the people who do the drug testing? I never trusted people who examine urine.
If I had that job, I'd want some drugs too.
One of the perks is that you find out who to see to get the really primo shit.
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Children make the best custodians.
– Newt Gingrich
But who watches those who watch the watchers…
Jobs!
It's turtles all the way down!!
That picture of Courtney should kill any male Wonketteer's chubby. Shudder…
Like Dave Grohl said about Francis Bean, I'd still hit it.
If she gets that kind of shit on the lips on her FACE, you'd better wear a flame retardant, magnesium-alloy covered condom.
Though according to Cobain herself, that was just her mom being crazy againL
http://www.avclub.com/articles/frances-bean-cobai…
"While I'm generally silent on the affairs of my biological mother, her recent tirade has taken a gross turn. I have never been approached by Dave Grohl in more than a platonic way. I'm in a monogamous relationship and very happy.
Twitter should ban my mother."
Like Dave Grohl said about Kyle Gass, "I'm gonna fill him with my hot demon gel"
I have to say, it would have been of benefit to me if I had my (ex)wife forced to take a "sanity test" before we wed and procreated.
Ah, the good old MRAs; not just asshats, but now being watched as a possible hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center:
http://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula/2012/03/10…
Hurray!
It couldn't happen to a nicer gaggle of dickfucks.
I found this post informative and helpful. Because of the glut of news about violence against women, I began, as an impressionable teenager, to think it might be possible that there was some sort of media bias against men due to the saturation of stories painting them in a poor light.
Then I learned that there's so many more media stories about violence against women because more fucking men commit violent acts against women. :|
My ex-wife is an oxy fan. She is lazy and fat.
She is also in constant pain, and has suffered from small seizures and menstrually-related migraine headaches for years. Not ONCE did I ever question making child support payments. And I rarely missed payments… always with her permission.
Fuck any "small government legislator" who wants to serve legislation at his convenience. Fuck him out loud and in public.
"A person paying child support under Chelgren’s proposal could require the recipient to a drug test every six months as long as they pay the costs."
I think this is fair. But they should make it so that every time the mom takes the drug test and comes back negative, the father has to double the child support for the next six months.
It'd be 'fair' (if still really dumb) if the father also got randomly piss tested in the 6 months following his request.
It's be *really* fair if every time some shmuck of a father requested a piss test, the entire extended family of every legislator who voted for it also had to piss in a cup.
To make this "fair" they should also require the father to drink the sample, regardless of whether or not the test comes back positive.
Those lips look like they've seen a few miles…of dick
All unmarried people are communists and drug users until proven otherwise on a regular basis.
Why the hell do unmarried people need drugs????
You have my undying gratitude and sympathy.
And this is how the nanny state morphs into the dickish, manipulative ex-husband state.
Chick's got a bad case of methmouth or herpes or something. Still, Levi'd bang her.
If I suspected that my child or children were in a house where someone was using illegal drugs and I DIDN'T have custody, I'd start fighting tooth and nail for it.
I think there is a big difference between a loving and responsible parent who occasionally uses marijuana and/or alcohol (away from the children) and one who is impaired and unable to nurture.
Okay, then let me rephrase that:
If I suspected that my child or children were in a house where they were being exposed to dangerous illegal substances and I didn't have custody, I'd still start fighting tooth and nail for it. Slightly better?
Thank you, DG. Being a former single mom whose ex was a total asshole and never paid child support has made me a little touchy on the subject.
This is everything that scares me about getting married someday. Right now I'm young and stupid, but I worry what might happen if I end up becoming older, but not smarter, and put someone in the same situation you were put through.
Drug test her and swab her for sperm. Now that some man is done with her an Iowa Mom should be a professional virgin if she wants a penny. The children of whores get what they deserve
Don't give them any ideas, Maman.
Beat me to it. Seriously, don't.
They should probably drug test anyone who would marry these assholes.
So, just what kind of Drugs is Sen. Mark Chelgren on? I think as Taxpayers we deserve to find out. Before you get your check, pee in a cup, you bastard!
Oh, yeah, Cephalopod Boffing.
I love this one. The dude (I assume) octopus looks like he just casually sneaking a piece of her popcorn while they're watching a movie.
Ha! It's like "Ooh, look at that, Hon! Pay no attention while I slip a packet of Sperm in you."
our museum has several(I don't know the actual number but more than 2) Cephalopod experts(a squid guy, an octopus guy, maybe a cuttlefish guy- all with premium PHds- I guess Cephalopod doctors)
Cool. Tentacle-ologists?
It looks like she's filling up at the pump.
"92 Unleaded please."
"Check yer oil, Ma'am?' Heh heh heh.
Republican men are Neanderthals who believe their species are only 5,000 years old.
That may be a factual statement. Perhaps some should be dissected so scientists could compare their remains.
OMG. We already have drug testing for everyone in this country! All you have to do is prove probable cause for a warrant and voila! Drug testing. What's that you say? Can't prove probable cause? Then STFU. Because, constitution, bitch.
One million upfists for you.
So, are you a Thunder Cat Ho or a "Thunder Cats, Ho!"?
The GOP : Women :: Taliban : Women
Mommy issues: The GOP haz them! (I mean, really. Freud woulda had a fucking field day with these clowns and their hatred of all things wimminz. It's almost like watching a sociological experiment gone horrifically wrong.)
If Florida dick-clowns want to drug-test their state workers for being state workers… and <insert Southern State> wants to drug-test welfare recipients for being welfare recipients… and next up Iowa's single mom's get to look forward to being drug-tested for being eligible to get support payments… pretty soon the goons drafting these shit sandwiches are gonna run out of people to stigmatize with their endless testing boolshit. It's no longer a war ON drugs — these legislators are more addicted to drugs as a means to bully some scapegoats and red-herring away real problems than the people supposedly prone to abusing them.
"these legislators are more addicted to drugs as a means to bully some scapegoats and red-herring away real problems than the people supposedly prone to abusing them. "
Nothing to say except, that was excellent.
The proposal came from Sen. Mark Chelgren, R-Ottumwa who said he was pushing the idea on behalf of an unidentified constituent who believed his ex was using child support money for illegal drugs.
Excellent idea, this proposing a sweeping new law based on what one constituent is yelling about today. Soon, when the Iowa summers get too hot, everyone will be required to open their refrigerator doors to lower the temperature.
I love "There oughta be a law" stories from "small government" assholes.
Following his logic, I should get to see the reciept for my ex-wife's Acura.
The proposal came from Sen. Mark Chelgren, R-Ottumwa who said he was pushing the idea on behalf of an unidentified constituent who believed his ex was using child support money for illegal drugs.
Sounds like a great reason to pass a law affecting thousands of people.
I'm all for it as long as they tell me exactly what drugs are involved.
Radar O'Reilly's ex wife?
It's been said before, but I'm not joking: WHEN do we start drug-testing politicians?
BTW: Which Olsen twin is that?
Scabby.
I will resist the temptation to share True Stories of Family Law.
I will resist the temptation to share True Stories of Family Law.
I will resist the temptation to share True Stories of Family Law.
I will resist the temptation to share True Stories of Family Law.
I will resist the temptation to share True Stories of Family Law.
I will resist the temptation to share True Stories of Family Law.
I will resist the temptation to share True Stories of Family Law.
Thanks, Steve-o. I've broken enough shit lately.
link? Google was kinda bland.
When I was a kid there was a TV show called "Divorce Court." I was amazed at the shit those people said and did. Little did I know I would end up in a position where I could be a writer for that show. Just amazing shit. Really. The TV show had to change certain elements of the story "for content." I get it raw.
How about this? http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/11847614/family
“We shouldn’t be ducking our head and running away every time there’s a difficult issue coming up,” Chelgren said.
You mean like the Republicans did after 2010, when they ran the hell away from that promised laser – like focus on jobs?
Asshole.
For people so gung ho about drug tests, they sure do act like they're on a plethora of illicit substances.
Projection, maybe?
We should also be able to drug test our state senators should we suspect their salaries are going to pay for drugs.
Fucking Iowa, man. Have any of you ever tried that Iowa ditch weed? Couldn't even get a fly high, man!
True story. No, really, this is a true story. I'm from Iowa. One summer when I was in High School and trying to earn some spare pocket money, I went out walking beans on a friend's cousin's farm. Walking down the rows, pulling out the weeds. As we worked, we noticed a familiar looking plant growing in large amounts along the roadside. Well, we thought we had hit the mother lode and were going to be the most popular kids at East Des Moines High. We loaded up about 5 or 6 Hefty garbage bags full. Once we got back home, we rolled up the biggest spliff you could imagine. Nothing. We tried another, figuring "well, you can't exactly expect it to be Acapulco Gold." After 5 or 6 joints and nothing but a headache, we buried it in his back yard, telling ourselves that maybe it would increase in potency with age, like a fine wine, but we both knew it was bullshit.
That was the summer of '71, and it's probably still there.
Yep. Me too. I think every person in the late 60's/early 70's that grew up in Iowa, tested out Iojauna (I-O-juana).
We learned real quick the difference between marijuana and hemp.
Hey, you want to drug test somebody? How about hedge fund managers. Let's see if the "hookers and blow" rumors are true, shall we? You can drug test anybody else whose decisions affect the entire fucking economy while you're at it.
Cocaine Decisions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_WgCGOWae4
Yeah, man! Thanks
Melons
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bCN-892B-2Y/TWHl6tMOPkI…
there's a whole passel of us divorced folks on the wonkette intertubes apparently.
This is not Match(dot)com?
Gee, it worked like that for me…
SB, does the phrase "fuck you, we want your wimmin" mean anything to you?
Not that I'm saying it should, mind you, or that I'm really resentful and jealous or..:::mumbling to a bitter wistful silence:::
the people's house at work.
Ok, so, ONE "unidentified constituent" BELIEVES his ex was using child support money to buy illegal drugs, so Senator Dickhead wants to pass a law that will adversely affect thousands of ex-wives who are only trying to get financial help from the fathers to support their children.
Wow, talk about special interest. That "unidentified constituent" must be pushing a lot of money toward Chalgren.
The "unidentified constituent" could be some company that does drug tests. State senators are a cheap bribe.
Seems like a sensible small government approach to the problem.
I'd be willing to pay child support to Shawna – if she'd give it to me. The ad says she wants it – so I just wanna help.
Goldie Hawn has really gone downhill, huh?
The story is her mouth fell and hit a doorknob.
Family Court temp receptionist here. Two things: Several people who I've helped with parenting plans have remarked, "you know, they should require this amount of red tape BEFORE people get married, then people wouldn't bother and we'd all be happier."
Also, a repost of the Louis CK quote that I have decided needs to be made into a needlepoint plaque for our office:
Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. It’s really that simple. That’s never happened – THAT would be sad. If two people were married and they were really happy and they just had a great thing, and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times.
I will resist the temptation to share True Stories of Family Law.
Etc.
I think you should share.
You'd think for a single mother, a little stipend for pot would be the least the dad could do.
No. No. You never cut off your dealer. Instead of "Pee in the cup, bitch," you want "Gimme some extra oxy or weed until payday, OK, babe?"
Dick parent is dick.
If Daddy thinks Mommy is a big old drug user, he should go for custody of the kids and not just try to cut how much he has to pay each month.
but Daddy doesn't want the kids- we all know that.
Just to hurt Mommy
Paraskevidekatriaphobia
Ms. Cobain may not realize it, but there are drugs that stop Herpes in its tracks. Blam. Right now. The downside is that if you cure the Herpes on your lower lip nobody knows just how big a whore you are.
I think it adds to her persona.
All the divorced dads should be allowed to take their baby mamas to Topeka for a bi-annual weekend getaway where they can lovingly beat the obedience back into their former bitches, too. Also.
"Don't let Mitt Romney and the Republicans insult divorced women!"
See, two can play at that game.
That picture is Courtney Love BEFORE plastic surgery, right?
I am so glad that my ex and I didn't have kids. People have said, "oh that's so sad" if they heard this, to which I reply that if we did have kids, they only time I'd see them would be at breakfast when I saw their pictures on the milk carton.
Mandatory weekly drug testing on all legislators might cut down on the bullshot coming our of the GOTeaP side.
OMFG, I really hate this people.
On the upside, I must say I'm really proud of IOWA DEMOCRATS.
Senator Gronstal is really putting a burr in the saddle of the Iowa Talibani, since the Democrats control the Senate, he has publically stated that he will never allow a debate to amend the Constitution of Iowa to ban same-sex marriage to come to the Senate floor.
Despite the fact that almost 75% of Iowans could give two shits whether gays marry or not, the Talibani still contend that they don't care if it takes 30 years, they will ban same sex marriage.
Wait, what happened to Moms Work Too? Is this Obama too???
Hey, Chelgren, admit it. Your Ex does drugs because she needed them to avoid murdering you in your sleep.
Idiot libel…
Um, what do you have against ketchup bottles?…
HLSDRE, for short.
Noted, for future reference. heh, heh, heh.
Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope your children are and continue to be safe and loved.
You will, someday, be older. You might be smarter. You might learn that there are shades of grey within compromises within bags of no good choice.
Or, you might be a Republican legislator and think that FREEDUM is compatible with forced object rape.
I don't eat ketchup. I won't eat at a table that has ketchup on it. It's the condiment of the damned.
That was – wow – 11 years ago. A couple years after the legal stuff ended, loser boyfriend got busted again for drunk driving and my ex-wife decided she had had enough. It doesn't seem to have had a long-term effect on my son (now 17), so the results could have been far worse. However, I can't say that I would ever want to get involved in a custody dispute again. The system is just too draining.
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