Bristol Palin With Mono, We Are Pretty SureHELLO. Have you heard all the important news that has been going on all week, like Barack Obama personally murdering Ann Romney with his mommyblog, and some guy acting like he is a big Mr. Hero? WELL THERE IS MORE! Levi Johnston is having another baby y’all (you heard that here first-ish) and estranged babymama Bristol Palin has some well-considered thoughts! “I said no way, shut up!” she is reported to have exclaimed, followed by some other stuff.

But above all, Bristol’s main fear is that Tripp will be humiliated at school. “I don’t want him to go to elementary school with 10 half-siblings,” she says. “That would really affect him,” [she said, totally projecting]. She adds, “I hope that this child is raised with two parents. He needs to step up to the plate and be there,” she sighs. “I thought he had learned his lesson the first time.”

So say we all, Bristol! It is outrageous when someone who is the unwed father of your little baby has babies with someone else long after you are together and when you are only just barely shacked up in your new “trial marriage” yourself! But how did Levi knock up his newest sweetiepie anyway? The Daily Caller has the scoop!

“There was a time we went to the cabin and forgot the birth control pills and, you know, about a month later we found out we were having a baby,” Johnston said. Yep, that will certainly do the trick.


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  • nounverb911

    "No Way, Shut Up!"
    That's what Levi's girlfriend should have said.

  • Barb

    "Bristol’s main fear is that Tripp will be humiliated at school."

    I'm pretty sure he's going to be humiliated at home, too.

  • FNMA

    Is the mother Sarah?

  • Barb

    If you want your child to avoid humiliation you should have thought of that before you named him "Tripp" or "Palin"

    • freakishlywrong

      From my thoughts to your flying fingers. The whole fucking country is humiliated by these hicks.

      • Barb

        Freakishly, didn't she dance on TV while wearing a gorilla suit? Didn't she release a book that said Tripp was a product of date rape? Didn't she become the spokesperson for abstinence after he was born. Jesus, what kind of message does that send your child?

        • C_R_Eature

          Leave town. As soon as you can.

        • freakishlywrong

          All and more! And then that drag queen, Ann Coulter wrote a book hating on single mothers and blaming them for every ill in the land, and then turned around and nominated Sarah fucking Palin as "Conservative of the Year". Sans irony.

          • Barb

            Real irony is Bristol and her "trial marriage" Kinda hard to sweep a gal off her feet with her legs already in the air.

          • freakishlywrong

            I admire her for being a "stay at home Mom".

  • Bristol, some advice for you? Move on.

  • Barb

    "I don’t want him to go to elementary school with 10 half-siblings"

    He'll probably be there with 15 cousins who will have his back.

    • HippieEsq

      I am trying to do the math on how many Half-Siblings will ALSO be Cousins…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      "I don’t want him to go to elementary school with 10 half-siblings"

      Aww, Brisdul. Does this mean you're no longer willing to contribute your share?

    • Guppy

      More like sharing the same grade with aunts and uncles.

      (How that would work out is left as an exercise for the reader.)

      • tessiee

        A mom who starts out having kids at a young age, and continues having them over a span of many years, so that by the time the oldest kids are 20 or so, they're having kids of their own, whose aunts and uncles are the youngest siblings from the family of origin. If you're 20, and your brother is 40, he may very well have kids your age, which makes them the same age as their aunt/uncle.

        • Guppy

          I would also have accepted "they never managed to pass the third grade," or some combination thereof.

          • tessiee

            Sorry, I didn't read your question carefully enough, and answered as though the issue were being the same *age* as your aunt/uncle. You could certainly be in the same grade with them, regardless of the respective ages, if they repeated it enough times.

    • But I thought all the little babbies were blessings from God?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Anybody else here remember The Bumpuses, from Jean Shepherd's childhood stories? That's what I think of everytime I see something about these folks.

    • Those dogs Yip and Yap Palin stole our Christmas turkey!!

  • ChernobylSoup

    This is exactly why my wife and I went into foster parenting. Those kids will be lost and humiliated and will not get the care and direction they need at home. Unfortunately, Bristol and Levi have both aged out of the system.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Learned what the first time, exactly — that you can get on all kinds of celebrity whorefests for having sex with Sarah Palin's offspring? Check. On the other hand, Levi learned exactly as much about abstinence as one can learn by not learning anything — but that's just my peevish take on ignorance as a means of education, apparently.

    • spareme

      I think he did learn the first time – his newest conquest in not a Palin.

    • tessiee

      Ignorance and repression have been tried for the last 2000 or so years; if they worked; we'd know it by now.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Palin Exceptionalism. I guess Bristol's "trial marriage(s)" won't contribute to additional half-siblings for young Tripp. Abstinence works as well in trial marriages as it does in teen dating, I hear.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “I don’t want him to go to elementary school with 10 half-siblings,”

    So, Bristol, I assume this means you have your tubal ligation procedure scheduled already?

  • mavenmaven

    Its when all the 10 half-siblings start to breed among each other that we produce families like the Palins.

  • Steverino247

    More like going to school with 10 halfwits, from what I've seen come out of that gene pool.

    • Nostrildamus

      That gene pool could use a bit more chlorine.

      • Steverino247

        Acid wash is more like it! Turn it into a fucking Koi pond, maybe. Also, it appears "halfwit" is a "safe word" for certain persons. FTW!

    • tessiee

      So, if you're a half-wit, and you have a half-brother, does that by simple math make him a quarter-wit?

  • Goonemeritus

    Alaska is sparsely populated so there is that.

    • tessiee

      At this rate, it won't stay that way for very long.

  • Barb

    Yes, going to elementary school with ten half-siblings would be one bummer of a way for them to all spend their "senior year" in school.

    • AlterNewt

      Barb, I posted before I saw yours, above. I happily defer.

  • Welcome to another episode of "Baby Daddy Drama: Palin Style" on TLC.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Fuck, more posts about johnsons. Jesus H Christ.

    • freakishlywrong

      But no bulging Levis. Thank Allah.

  • tbogg

    Tripp can always drop out of elementary early like his mom did.

    • C_R_Eature

      Elementary school? Snob!

  • metamarcisf

    Remember that scene in “Game Change” when Sarah Palin was on a lengthy flight across country and she decided to pass the time by doing a crossword puzzle? At one point she turned to her seatmate, played by Woody Harrelson and said “Begging your pardon, Steve, what’s a four letter word ending in u-n-t that means ‘woman’?” He answered, “Why Governor, it’s a-u-n-t of course!” Palin replied “Have you got an eraser?”

    • tessiee

      Excellent joke, but if $arah really tried to fill out a crossword puzzle, she'd quit halfway through. Then later, the flight attendant would find the puzzle book filled in wrong, with like a big "D" covering four boxes.

  • freakishlywrong

    They don't get how the pill works at all do they? They went to a cabin and forgot the pill and she got knocked up? Do they think girls take the pill only when they're making sexy time? The fuck?

    • WiscDad

      He meant the RU486 pill. If that's the case, he should have asked "RU469?"

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I was going to comment on that, too. It's like RushBo thinking you have to take a pill every time you have sex–I guess he's getting the pill mixed up with Viagra. Contraception is hard (just like Levi, I assume).

    • Guppy

      Again: the sex education was provided by Sarah Palin's public school system.

    • GOPCrusher

      I took it to mean that they are so fucking stupid that they don't understand that it's the intercourse that causes the babbies to be formed.

    • They should have listened to teh Wunket and went with the buttseks.

    • tessiee

      That's what happens when you forbid sex education in school.

    • poorgradstudent

      Doing anything to make sex fun and free of consequences – sin.

      Bringing to life unwanted children you're not prepared to nurture and help in any way – not sin.

  • chascates

    Sex is wasted on the young.

    • hagajim

      You mean smart sex is wasted on the young I believe.

    • Guppy

      While these young keep having sex while wasted.

    • Fare la Volpe

      And don't I love it.

  • SolitaireRose

    Bristol should be happy, since this pulls attention away from her "trial marriage". Oh,. wait, it might pull attention away from her reality teevee show, so that's bad. It gives her mom new ammo to trash Levi and Obama, so that's good. But the frogurt is fat free, so that's good! But the frogert is cursed, so that's bad,.

    Wait, what was the point of the story? Oh yeah, high school drop out is mad her former boyfriend has a baby momma.

    • tessiee

      Also, the frogurt toppings contain potassium benzoate…
      That's bad.

  • Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is he?

    (BTW: psst, Levi. Ever heard of condoms?)

    • chascates

      If anyone should be the poster boy for a vasectomy . . .

    • SorosBot

      Or fuck, they could also just try being a little creative, there are plenty of ways to have sex that don't involve vaginal penetration; and there is a little thing called the morning after pill for emergencies.

      • Arken

        In Arizona, you now have to take the Morning After Pill 13 days before you have sex.

        • FakaktaSouth

          Tada! The actual way one uses a birth control pill!

          In fact, what you get with the morning afters is the hormonal levels of TWO birth control pills that you take at the same time, and then when you DON'T have that level of hormones the next day – bam, you're on your period, and, done, whether or not there even was an egg, a sperm or anything that joined together – and you never have to worry. Hormone manipulations are awesome, and obviously so easy and painless and guilt free, they should be illegal forever and always. Because, whores.

          • Arken
          • FakaktaSouth

            Oh, I remember,

            I just like to brag when I know stuff, and man do I know hormones.

          • Fare la Volpe

            I had no idea that's how it worked. That is really fascinating.

            And here the anti-choicers had me thinking the morning after pill was a series of baby-seeking micro knives in convenient gel tab form.

          • FakaktaSouth

            I had no idea that's how it worked.

            Don't you know that is the first step towards making laws about such things?! Hell man, you're qualified to be a state senator in Virginia or Alabama TODAY! Just don't say that part out loud any more, say "Jesus hates your hormones"

      • tessiee

        As one of my college professors once said, "The word 'virginity' only refers to one position anyway".

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Life imitates art: Wasilla = prologue of Idiocracy.

    • C_R_Eature

      Before today, I didn't realize that movie was a documentary.

  • hagajim

    Man – old Levi must pack some potent love juice! Just think Bristol's little Trippy might be humiliated because he has a half-sibling, maybe he might be humiliated by the fact that he belongs to this fucked up family.

  • FakaktaSouth

    we went to the cabin and forgot the birth control pills.

    Everything he knows about the pill he learned from Rush Limbaugh. This boy STILL knows as much about not getting people knocked up as Sarah P does about how government works (and not getting knocked up). Why are stupid people's reproductive organs so god damned strong?

    • BarackMyWorld


  • WiscDad

    OMFG…fucking Wasillabillies

  • Sassomatic

    Levi Johnston is a idiot. When you forget the birth control pills, that is a perfect reason to ask for anal.

    • Fare la Volpe

      What happened to kids these days and good ole fashioned face fucking? Ain't nobody gettin' preggers, and it don't anger Jesus none cuz you can keep yer hoohaa-ginity.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Say what you will about Levi, but the dude gets a lot of pussy.

    • Fare la Volpe

      The dumb often do.

    • chicken_thief

      Eventually he may wise up and start going for quality rather than quantity.

  • C_R_Eature

    This post needs more Cephalopod Fucking.
    They're smarter, better looking and way more responsible than this benighted gang of Wasilla Hillbillies.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    "I wish Levi would be like, ‘Hey Bristol, can I have Tripp for the weekend?’” Bristol says.

    Yeah! Equal rights for Bristol to wander off and have more oopsy unprotected baby-making secks! Why does Levi get to have all the fun?

  • 10 half-siblings certainly fucks up the dating pool in Wasilla for the little scamp… or does it?

  • fartknocker

    Actually this will work out nicely for the rest of us. Could the family can spend all their time attempting to raise the child rather than subjecting the rest of us to their fucking drama?Based on SarahPAC we have decades of more jism from these fucktwits.

  • Whatever happened to that lady he did a music video with who looked like she was 50?

  • There was a time we went to the cabin and forgot the birth control pills and, you know, about a month later we found out we were having a baby,”

    It's such a farce for God or whomever to have made humans to reproduce so readily under the *very* circumstances when they're least prepared to perpetuate their own kind.
    Good luck with that, Levi! Just as long as you don't "forget to sterilize the baby bottles… and end up with" an infant sucking in a fresh dose of strep or e.Coli, you numb-nuts.

    • tessiee

      "It's such a farce for God or whomever to have made humans to reproduce so readily under the *very* circumstances when they're least prepared to perpetuate their own kind."

      I've often pondered the paradox that so many people become parents by being too lazy or too careless or too irresponsible to use birth conrol — i.e., as a direct result of being unfit to be parents.

  • GemlikeFlame

    There is absolutely no sense whatever in parodying these people because they do such an insanely good job of doing to themselves. The real kicker here is that they seem completely unaware that's what they're doing. The deity may look out after fools, drunks, and children, but I'll bet there's a whole squad of seraphim and cherubim assigned to remind the Palins to breathe on a regular basis.

  • SorosBot

    Guess once the idiot knocked the other idiot up, he was supposed to never have sex with another women again even though broke up. That still doesn't excuse the stupidity of not using birth control, but really as an ex it's none of Bristol's business.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    She adds, “I hope that this child is raised with two parents. He needs to step up to the plate and be there,”

    Well, maybe his new babby-momma doesn't have as hideous a family as yours, and he won't feel compelled to run screaming in horror from the relationship.

  • HippieEsq

    "10-half siblings"….does it count as a half-sibling when Levi knocks up Piper?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Watch it, Dave.

    • Don't go Andrew Sullivan on us.

    • tcaalaw

      A half-sibling who's also a first cousin? Their DNA would be a moebius strip rather than a double-helix!

  • kissawookiee

    "Bristol’s main fear is that Tripp will be humiliated at school."

    It's okay, honey. You live in Wasilla; three quarters of the kids in his class will be related to each other in at least two awful ways that are illegal in most of the Lower 48, and nobody else will be able to read either.

    • GOPCrusher

      But they will be hellacious banjo players.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I think that picture at the top is old. Is the kid on the left preggers yet?

    • tcaalaw

      What do you mean, "yet"? I'm pretty sure she's just one punch away on her customer loyalty card from a free D&C.

  • GhostBuggy

    My Brain read that "HELLO" in the voice of Uncle Leo.

  • The children of Bristol (and Levi, too, because why not!) will be known as octopalins since they're not fully blood-related.

    • C_R_Eature
      • George Spelvin

        Having a little head-foot obsession today, are we?

        • C_R_Eature

          It's Cephalopod Sex day. I have to do this.

          • I thought you were channeling PZ Myers.

          • C_R_Eature

            No, I just share an obsession, I suppose, and the Mommy Blog thing's beginning to get to me.

            Have you seen his Octopus Christmas Tree? It's my favorite.

    • tessiee


  • "If Mr. Johnston would like to exercise visitation, or perhaps pay child support, he knows Bristol’s number"

    And if he forgets it he can check the wall next to the urinals the men's room of most the bars in Wasilla.

  • Terry

    "Bristol’s main fear is that Tripp will be humiliated at school"

    Let's see. Tripp's one granny was arrested for dealing meth. His other granny is an idiot, a harpy, and a national punchline. His momma made a career out of being an unwed mother, which is a good thing because otherwise she'd barely qualify to flip burgers. His momma also likes to air every bit of her dirty laundry in public and attack his daddy at any opportunity. His daddy is a stone cold idiot, who also enjoys attacking momma in public.

    No, I don't think that kid's source of humiliation will be having some half-siblings.

  • Still no confirmation on the Bristol Palin Trial Marriage story that every snarky blog in the universe ran with the Enquirer as the only source?

    • MoeDeLawn

      Chet, Chet, Chet. Why you always looking for facts? Rumors are just the sweet sweet fat – no meat, no nutrition, no worries.

  • Eve8Apples

    “I don’t want him to go to elementary school with 10 half-siblings,” Bristol says.
    “There was a time we went to the cabin and forgot the birth control pills and, you know, about a month later we found out we were having a baby,” Johnston said.

    There's a ringing endorsement for abstinence only sex education and family planning.

    Levi has a bad habit of knocking up his camping companions. He should find a different hobby or camp solo.

    • My advice to him is that he settle down with a nice Grizzly Momma.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Well, then homeschool him, bitch! High School won't be an issue as he won't make it though Middle School without knocking up a classmate to have a child of his own.

  • "There was a time we went to the cabin and forgot the birth control pills and, you know, about a month later we found out we were having a baby," Johnston said.

    (Ahem.) Allow me to elaborate.

    Levi Johnston: I need some relief babe, we're all alone out here in the wilderness…

    Sunny Ogelsby: Don't you want some Jack? I'd be up for smokin' some bone.

    Levi: I'm Tripp's father, you know.

    Sunny: Just relax, nothing's gonna happen!

    Levi: Did you hear about that cop jacking off on audio? That's kinda how I feel right now.

    Sunny: Okay okay calm down. You sure you don't want any of this LSD?

    Levi: I want to fuck and you know it.

    Sunny: This better be worth it.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Sunny: "Oh my Manimal! My Manimal!!!!"

    • DahBoner

      This only proves the URGENT need to pass a law requiring all cabins in Alaska to be stocked full of birf control pills…

  • Guppy

    In the immortal words of a former contributor here:

    "Bristol, go breast-feed your brother!"

  • chicken_thief

    So who'd he knock up – Sarah, Piper, or Tawd?

    • whatever_dc

      i wouldn't mind taking a tumble with Tawd if you know what i mean… *wink*

  • Fare la Volpe

    She sighs. “I thought he had learned his lesson the first time.”

    Bristol, do you know getting knocked up works? 'Cause in case you missed the leaflet, it generally takes two to tango.

  • fatbob54

    “I don’t want him to go to elementary school with 10 half-siblings,” she says.

    Why is she making him get one of those fancy elitist "elementary school degrees"?

  • owhatever

    Ten? You think Wasilla's ultimate sperminator Levi is going to stop at ten? And how are that many mini-Levis going to get into your home school anyhoo?

  • If he buys the "I forgot to pack my pills" story, he's even dumber than I thought he was.

    • whatever_dc

      and yet he's still smarter than bristol! smh

  • whatever_dc

    bristol should date someone named Wrangler next

    • tcaalaw

      Or Jordache.

  • __kth__

    Love the Daily Tucker's snickering tone wrt Levi, as though his lassitude doesn't reflect on his first baby mama and the wolves who seem to have raised her.

  • DahBoner

    All these Republicans have unresolved control issues.

    She can't control her own slutty behavior, but she wants to tell her Ex how many kids he can have in the future!!!!


  • Tundra Grifter

    “I thought he had learned his lesson the first time.”

    My read on this story would be that, indeed, he did – and now Baby #2 is on the way.

  • GregComlish

    "I just don't want my bastard child to encounter any of the 15 other bastard children sired by the same reprobate"

    • tcaalaw

      Well, I was going to say that she might be concerned about the risk of in-breeding, but then I realized that ship already sailed a couple generations ago for those two.

  • tessiee

    At the risk of sounding even more like a whiny titty-baby than usual, I would like to point out that I posted this a week ago, in the thread about Bristol shacking up with her new Italian boyfriend:

    "Bristol had better hurry up; Levi has already impregnated his new girlfriend:….

    Hilarious "spoiler": He says she's "so good with kids". I sure hope so."

  • tessiee

    “I don’t want him to go to elementary school with 10 half-siblings,”

    Sure, you can laugh, but it's another two or three years until little Oops starts school, which is plenty of time for his mother and father to produce another 10 half-siblings for him.

  • tessiee

    I accidently the birth control.

  • ttommyunger

    I'm guessing they also forgot soap, toothpaste and deodorant, also, too, as well as…

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