WITH A NICE CHIANTI  10:30 am April 13, 2012

Quiz! Who Said It: Tucker Carlson Or Idi Amin?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Idi AminTucker Carlson’s Daily Caller has for our delighted eyes an unimpeachable story explaining why all Democrats are Communists, in the form of a funny quiz! And wait till you get a load of all the terrifying and outrageous and outrageously terrifying things Democrats and Communists say! Like so:

1. “This is the moment when we must build on the wealth that open markets have created, and share its benefits more equitably. Trade has been a cornerstone of our growth and global development. But we will not be able to sustain this growth if it favors the few, and not the many.”

2. “Rebuilding the social infrastructure will generate 11 million jobs. At least 3 million could be at work within 6 months — if the funds were available from Congress.”

Ouch, the vapors! As if those weren’t bad enough, there is more!

3. “Moving toward a productive green economy must be based on federal financing and a national industrial policy.“

4. “Only government can break the vicious cycles that are crippling our economy — where a lack of spending leads to lost jobs which leads to even less spending.”

Anyway, you get the idea right? GO BACK TO GERMANY YOU STUPID DEMOCRATS. And stop raping our earholes with these shocking ideas!

But we wanted some fun and laughs too! So we made this clever quiz: Who Said It? Tucker Carlson Or Idi Amin?

Tucker Carlson
1. Canadians are so easily wounded.

2. In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.

3. To politicize a man’s tragic death is about as low as you can go, isn’t it?

4. Unless you know a lot more about something than I do, I am not really that interested. I have too much information already.

5. To be a feminist, you could cut your hair really short. You have to be really angry about something.

6. I ate them before they ate me.

7. I myself consider myself the most powerful figure in the world.

8. I want your heart. I want to eat your children.

Sorry you all fail because it is UNPOSSIBLE to tell the difference between Tucker Carlson and the world’s worst dictator ever (except for Kony maybe, we don’t know we never watched that video).
[DailyCaller/BrainyQuote/BBC]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 98 comments }

Barb April 13, 2012 at 10:33 am

They are all syphilitic ramblings from two clueless dictators.

Maman April 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

One was a dictator… the other just a dick

sullivanst April 13, 2012 at 11:19 am

But is he friends with Ben Quayle's dick-tater?

bagofmice April 13, 2012 at 11:50 am

Dicktatre?

Gleem McShineys April 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Dick -tartare (raw dick meat)

chascates April 13, 2012 at 10:34 am

All of them, Rebecca.

SexySmurf April 13, 2012 at 10:34 am

I ate them before they ate me.
-Idi Amin.

I blew them after they blew me
-Tucker Carlson.

Goonemeritus April 13, 2012 at 10:34 am

This is the rankest form of slander against Idi Amin.

tessiee April 13, 2012 at 10:35 am

If I rip MY shirt open, will you guys promise never to run that top picture again?

not that Dewey April 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

Yes, please.

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 10:41 am

Deal.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 13, 2012 at 10:45 am

bipartisan consensus!

tessiee April 13, 2012 at 10:51 am

The multitude has spoken.

*rip*

\(_o_) (_o_)/

[disclaimer: not actual size]

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 10:52 am

Thanks! Nicely balanced.

Dashboard Buddha April 13, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I dunno…it kind of looks like Bart Simpson peaking through a crack in the door and watching Homer and Marge get it on.

AbandonHope April 13, 2012 at 10:53 am

I am actually disturbed that I find that mildly titillating. Too much exposure to ASCII porn in the 80's, I guess.

AlterNewt April 13, 2012 at 10:54 am

Nice bustier.

Jus_Wonderin April 13, 2012 at 10:58 am

I love Ascii Porn. This is making me horny.

An_Outhouse April 13, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear

Guppy April 13, 2012 at 10:51 am

Is there no Tucker Carlson-related picture we can all agree on?

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 10:54 am

If there's one of him dead in a ditch somewhere with a mind full of chemicals like some cheese-eating high school boy, I'd like to see that one.

gullywompr April 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

100 internets to you for Pursuit of Happiness reference.

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I love that tune. Thanks!

AlterNewt April 13, 2012 at 10:52 am

You know we'll promise.

bflrtsplk April 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

As long as you're standing in front of me in my living room.

proudgrampa April 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Nice casabas!

Callyson April 13, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I'll join you in the toplessness if they also promise not to run the photo of Frothy Mix in his swim trunks.

freakishlywrong April 13, 2012 at 10:36 am

When fascism comes to America it'll be wearing a bow-tie and carrying a douchebag.

SayItWithWookies April 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

What — he can't even walk?!

Gleem McShineys April 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

You know, like Dr. Evil and Mini-Me.

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 10:37 am

What is "Stupid things idiots with way too much money say", Alex?

Sheesh. What a way to start the day. It's a good thing it's Cephalopod Sex Friday.

not that Dewey April 13, 2012 at 10:41 am

I found a dick story that Rebecca somehow missed yesterday:
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/04/12/police-deal

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 10:44 am

Rebecca's slipping! That must have been the only one, though. We'll cut her some slack – this time.

Guppy April 13, 2012 at 10:52 am

Rebecca's slipping!

Dicks can be slippery like that.

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 11:03 am

Especially when they're Slippery Dicks!

proudgrampa April 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Hey,she was up at 12:25 this morning posting that NJ story. She needs her sleep!

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Ah, she's in LA, so that's 9:25 last night. She probably had a very long day, though so – still cutting her slack.

Dudleydidwrong April 13, 2012 at 10:51 am

I like to ripple like that when I'm enjoying sexytime but my partner always starts laughing and that ends the performance. I hate to be laughed at when doing those things.

I wonder if Tucker ripples when he's blowing Rushballs.

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 10:56 am

Now, you know that I've run out of Brain Bleach and yet you persist in saying those horrible things. Why?

SexySmurf April 13, 2012 at 10:38 am

The fucking Daily Caller stole my bit.

Fuckers.

freakishlywrong April 13, 2012 at 10:38 am

8. I want your heart. I want to eat your children.
That's Dick, right? Or maybe Mrs. Dick?

AlterNewt April 13, 2012 at 10:38 am

I thought this was going to be 'Boobs' day.

CogitoErgoBibo April 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

Seriously. After Penis Day, you'd think we'd have earned it.

not that Dewey April 13, 2012 at 10:42 am

What's the matter — Tucker Carlson's cleavage isn't good enough for you?

AlterNewt April 13, 2012 at 10:44 am

Skeevage?

noodlesalad April 13, 2012 at 10:47 am

Ack, someone beat me to the boobs comment. Supply and demand, wonket! There's demand, where's the supply?!? Communists!

Guppy April 13, 2012 at 10:54 am

Under communism, all boobs shall be the same size and shape, so that our proletariat undergarment workers need only make one size bra.

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 10:59 am

Still posting pictures of Penises, I see.

JustPixelz April 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

A couple comments ago, Tessiee ripped her shirt open and you're still not satisfied?

AlterNewt April 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I was hoping for more resolution, frankly.

Veritas78 April 13, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Alas, every day is Boobs day here at Wonkette. We thought you knew.

LabRodent April 13, 2012 at 10:38 am

I think with Tucker "eating them before they eat me" means something totally different than what Idi Amin meant by it.

ManchuCandidate April 13, 2012 at 10:38 am

But we Canada City types are easily wounded and then we get mean and crosscheck your head right into the boards.

Jus_Wonderin April 13, 2012 at 11:01 am

You guys are always sitting right on top of us. No wonder we get cranky.

HarryButtle April 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Todd Bertuzzi? Is that you?

freakishlywrong April 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

Man, that librul/commie shit is downright Reaganesque.

LabRodent April 13, 2012 at 10:41 am

Didn't know Idi Amin went to West Point.

chicken_thief April 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

He did, but only for the Army/Navy game and had the balls to root for Navy.

noodlesalad April 13, 2012 at 10:42 am

Oy. After yesterday, I was hoping we'd get a different body part theme instead of more terrible dumbness. For example, this post compares two gigantic boobs. Think about it, and …GO!

Texan_Bulldog April 13, 2012 at 10:42 am

Why isn't Tucker doing what all trust fund babies do? Getting drunk on yachts & falling overboard and spending all of Mommy's money at Burberrys. Because, seriously, those would be more productive & less laughable uses of his time.

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 10:49 am

The only possible explanation would be that he needs to make a public spectacle of himself, so that we can make sport of savaging him in print. I almost feel like sending him a "thank you" note.

ManchuCandidate April 13, 2012 at 10:49 am

But but but but but Tucker Carlson wants to be considered a serious person.

Then again, he's probably trying to deny the fact supposedly unserious man Jon Stewart made Tucker his bitch.

rickmaci April 13, 2012 at 10:44 am

If I may paraphrase. Only two things are infinite, the universe and Tucker Carlson's stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

LabRodent April 13, 2012 at 10:45 am

Forrest Whitaker played the fuck out of Idi Amin. Deserved the Oscar no doubt.

Mumbletypeg April 13, 2012 at 10:48 am

Agreed… and I'm realizing what's making me uncomfortable about revisiting Tucker C's open neckline.. is that his hands linger near where I recall Whitaker's co-star McElvoy had to endure probably the most excruciating pain-infliction scene I'd witnessed to that point.

anniegetyerfun April 13, 2012 at 10:52 am

Was I the only one not actually rooting for James McAvoy's character in that movie? I mean, I wasn't rooting for Amin, but with McAvoy, I kept thinking, "You dumb fuck. You're stupider than a teenage girl in a horror film. You deserve to die."

DemmeFatale April 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

He WAS Idi Amin.
I think I expected to see a picture of Forrest Whitaker up there.

(Yes, Annie. How did James McAvoy not see what was happening?!)

Oblios_Cap April 13, 2012 at 10:48 am

Who is Tucker Carlson? Is he named that because he tapes his pecker back and pretends he's Buffalo Bill Gumb?

HarryButtle April 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I'd fuck me.

AlterNewt April 13, 2012 at 10:48 am

!. Who?

2. Who?

DaRooster April 13, 2012 at 10:48 am

I will guess that the one liners are Carlson…

Doktor StrangeZoom April 13, 2012 at 10:48 am

"Who said it?" would be fun for a lot of things:

Allen West or Joseph McCarthy?
Anne Coulter or Joseph Goebbels?
Republican alternatives to the Clinton health reform plan, or provisions in the Affordable Care Act?
Sarah Palin or the gibbering man on the #7 bus uptown?

C_R_Eature April 13, 2012 at 11:08 am

Dick Cheney or Josef Stalin?

chicken_thief April 13, 2012 at 11:54 am

Rick Santorum or Ayatollah Khomeini?

doloras April 13, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Joseph Smith or L. Ron Hubbard?

hagajim April 13, 2012 at 10:49 am

I think the Daily Caller needs its own mole. Imagine the hilarious homo hyjinx that would provide.

el_donaldo April 13, 2012 at 10:50 am

The Daily Caller must be confusing communists with leading economists again.

not that Dewey April 13, 2012 at 10:50 am

Democrats walk like this, but CPUSA members walk like this

Doktor StrangeZoom April 13, 2012 at 10:56 am

And dubious research walks like this

not that Dewey April 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I would think that you'd want to try to replicate their research before you draw any hasty conclusions.

user-of-owls April 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

And they all dance the Fox Trotsky.

Holy shit, Fred Astaire was a Red!

not that Dewey April 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

And Ginger did everything he did, but backwards and in high heels!

mavenmaven April 13, 2012 at 10:50 am

I don't care what anybody thinks.
Tucker Carlson

I don't care what anybody thinks.
Snooki

http://celebritypregnancy.sheknows.com/2012/03/08

thefrontpage April 13, 2012 at 10:51 am

Ann Romney is a Communist!

chicken_thief April 13, 2012 at 11:57 am

Please don't pick on Ann. She is too busy working hard, damn hard, supervising the help to have the time to defend herself.

Dudleydidwrong April 13, 2012 at 10:54 am

Anybody who is named after a defunct automobile should just sort of slither off somewhere and leave the world alone. I wonder if Roger Ailes has already said that.

Mumbly_Joe April 13, 2012 at 10:56 am

tl;dr, even Communist Party USA understands basic undergraduate macroeconomics better than Republicans.

BaldarTFlagass April 13, 2012 at 10:57 am

I think Number 8 is actually a quote of Queen Elizabeth II.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 13, 2012 at 10:58 am

"Then the disciples, every man according to his ability, determined to send relief unto the brethren who dwelt in Judea"

"From each according to his ability, to each according to his need"

Tundra Grifter April 13, 2012 at 11:00 am

Reminds me of a bit a local radio show used to do. They would offer a caller a series of names, and the player had to pick whether it was the name of a steak house or a gay bar.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 13, 2012 at 11:04 am

And of course the one where the announcer reads a bizarre crime story and the caller has to guess whether it occurred in Germany or Florida.

(Dead giveaway–kinky sex, Germany. Idiotic robbery, Florida.)

greenide1 April 13, 2012 at 11:01 am

I hear Tucker's getting ready to appear on the faaaaabulous new Fox News show "Dancing Around the Truth"…his specialty is the bossy blowva.

BaldarTFlagass April 13, 2012 at 11:01 am

Has Tucker Carlson ever been relevant?

Oblios_Cap April 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

He's like Dagwood Bumstead's bow tie – pretty fuckin' stupid.

valthemus April 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

If Carlson's got his way we would all put our full faith and trust in unelected plutocrats, accountable to no one, who fondly remember jim crow and pine for the days before child labor laws. Yeah, it's the Communists who are dangerous.

HippieEsq April 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

This is hard. Friday the 13th sure feels a lot like April Fool's Day.

Callyson April 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

To be a feminist, you could cut your hair really short. You have to be really angry about something.

Well, I'm pissed that I live in a world in which Tucker Carlson gets away with being a journalist–will that do?

DahBoner April 13, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Give us a hint!

Does Idi Amin have the chest hair of a 12 year old boy???

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