Idi AminTucker Carlson’s Daily Caller has for our delighted eyes an unimpeachable story explaining why all Democrats are Communists, in the form of a funny quiz! And wait till you get a load of all the terrifying and outrageous and outrageously terrifying things Democrats and Communists say! Like so:

1. “This is the moment when we must build on the wealth that open markets have created, and share its benefits more equitably. Trade has been a cornerstone of our growth and global development. But we will not be able to sustain this growth if it favors the few, and not the many.”

2. “Rebuilding the social infrastructure will generate 11 million jobs. At least 3 million could be at work within 6 months — if the funds were available from Congress.”

Ouch, the vapors! As if those weren’t bad enough, there is more!

3. “Moving toward a productive green economy must be based on federal financing and a national industrial policy.“

4. “Only government can break the vicious cycles that are crippling our economy — where a lack of spending leads to lost jobs which leads to even less spending.”

Anyway, you get the idea right? GO BACK TO GERMANY YOU STUPID DEMOCRATS. And stop raping our earholes with these shocking ideas!

But we wanted some fun and laughs too! So we made this clever quiz: Who Said It? Tucker Carlson Or Idi Amin?

Tucker Carlson
1. Canadians are so easily wounded.

2. In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.

3. To politicize a man’s tragic death is about as low as you can go, isn’t it?

4. Unless you know a lot more about something than I do, I am not really that interested. I have too much information already.

5. To be a feminist, you could cut your hair really short. You have to be really angry about something.

6. I ate them before they ate me.

7. I myself consider myself the most powerful figure in the world.

8. I want your heart. I want to eat your children.

Sorry you all fail because it is UNPOSSIBLE to tell the difference between Tucker Carlson and the world’s worst dictator ever (except for Kony maybe, we don’t know we never watched that video).

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  • Barb

    They are all syphilitic ramblings from two clueless dictators.

    • One was a dictator… the other just a dick

      • sullivanst

        But is he friends with Ben Quayle's dick-tater?

        • bagofmice


          • Gleem McShineys

            Dick -tartare (raw dick meat)

  • chascates

    All of them, Rebecca.

  • SexySmurf

    I ate them before they ate me.
    -Idi Amin.

    I blew them after they blew me
    -Tucker Carlson.

  • Goonemeritus

    This is the rankest form of slander against Idi Amin.

  • tessiee

    If I rip MY shirt open, will you guys promise never to run that top picture again?

    • not that Dewey

      Yes, please.

    • C_R_Eature


    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      bipartisan consensus!

      • tessiee

        The multitude has spoken.


        \(_o_) (_o_)/

        [disclaimer: not actual size]

        • C_R_Eature

          Thanks! Nicely balanced.

          • Dashboard Buddha

            I dunno…it kind of looks like Bart Simpson peaking through a crack in the door and watching Homer and Marge get it on.

        • AbandonHope

          I am actually disturbed that I find that mildly titillating. Too much exposure to ASCII porn in the 80's, I guess.

        • AlterNewt

          Nice bustier.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I love Ascii Porn. This is making me horny.

        • An_Outhouse

          Objects in mirror are closer than they appear

    • Guppy

      Is there no Tucker Carlson-related picture we can all agree on?

      • C_R_Eature

        If there's one of him dead in a ditch somewhere with a mind full of chemicals like some cheese-eating high school boy, I'd like to see that one.

        • gullywompr

          100 internets to you for Pursuit of Happiness reference.

          • C_R_Eature

            I love that tune. Thanks!

    • AlterNewt

      You know we'll promise.

    • bflrtsplk

      As long as you're standing in front of me in my living room.

    • proudgrampa

      Nice casabas!

    • Callyson

      I'll join you in the toplessness if they also promise not to run the photo of Frothy Mix in his swim trunks.

  • freakishlywrong

    When fascism comes to America it'll be wearing a bow-tie and carrying a douchebag.

    • SayItWithWookies

      What — he can't even walk?!

    • Gleem McShineys

      You know, like Dr. Evil and Mini-Me.

  • C_R_Eature

    What is "Stupid things idiots with way too much money say", Alex?

    Sheesh. What a way to start the day. It's a good thing it's Cephalopod Sex Friday.

    • not that Dewey

      I found a dick story that Rebecca somehow missed yesterday:

      • C_R_Eature

        Rebecca's slipping! That must have been the only one, though. We'll cut her some slack – this time.

        • Guppy

          Rebecca's slipping!

          Dicks can be slippery like that.

        • proudgrampa

          Hey,she was up at 12:25 this morning posting that NJ story. She needs her sleep!

          • C_R_Eature

            Ah, she's in LA, so that's 9:25 last night. She probably had a very long day, though so – still cutting her slack.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I like to ripple like that when I'm enjoying sexytime but my partner always starts laughing and that ends the performance. I hate to be laughed at when doing those things.

      I wonder if Tucker ripples when he's blowing Rushballs.

      • C_R_Eature

        Now, you know that I've run out of Brain Bleach and yet you persist in saying those horrible things. Why?

  • SexySmurf

    The fucking Daily Caller stole my bit.


  • freakishlywrong

    8. I want your heart. I want to eat your children.
    That's Dick, right? Or maybe Mrs. Dick?

  • AlterNewt

    I thought this was going to be 'Boobs' day.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Seriously. After Penis Day, you'd think we'd have earned it.

    • not that Dewey

      What's the matter — Tucker Carlson's cleavage isn't good enough for you?

      • AlterNewt


    • noodlesalad

      Ack, someone beat me to the boobs comment. Supply and demand, wonket! There's demand, where's the supply?!? Communists!

      • Guppy

        Under communism, all boobs shall be the same size and shape, so that our proletariat undergarment workers need only make one size bra.

    • C_R_Eature

      Still posting pictures of Penises, I see.

    • JustPixelz

      A couple comments ago, Tessiee ripped her shirt open and you're still not satisfied?

      • AlterNewt

        I was hoping for more resolution, frankly.

    • Veritas78

      Alas, every day is Boobs day here at Wonkette. We thought you knew.

  • LabRodent

    I think with Tucker "eating them before they eat me" means something totally different than what Idi Amin meant by it.

  • But we Canada City types are easily wounded and then we get mean and crosscheck your head right into the boards.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      You guys are always sitting right on top of us. No wonder we get cranky.

    • HarryButtle

      Todd Bertuzzi? Is that you?

  • freakishlywrong

    Man, that librul/commie shit is downright Reaganesque.

  • LabRodent

    Didn't know Idi Amin went to West Point.

    • chicken_thief

      He did, but only for the Army/Navy game and had the balls to root for Navy.

  • noodlesalad

    Oy. After yesterday, I was hoping we'd get a different body part theme instead of more terrible dumbness. For example, this post compares two gigantic boobs. Think about it, and …GO!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Why isn't Tucker doing what all trust fund babies do? Getting drunk on yachts & falling overboard and spending all of Mommy's money at Burberrys. Because, seriously, those would be more productive & less laughable uses of his time.

    • C_R_Eature

      The only possible explanation would be that he needs to make a public spectacle of himself, so that we can make sport of savaging him in print. I almost feel like sending him a "thank you" note.

    • But but but but but Tucker Carlson wants to be considered a serious person.

      Then again, he's probably trying to deny the fact supposedly unserious man Jon Stewart made Tucker his bitch.

  • rickmaci

    If I may paraphrase. Only two things are infinite, the universe and Tucker Carlson's stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

  • LabRodent

    Forrest Whitaker played the fuck out of Idi Amin. Deserved the Oscar no doubt.

    • Agreed… and I'm realizing what's making me uncomfortable about revisiting Tucker C's open neckline.. is that his hands linger near where I recall Whitaker's co-star McElvoy had to endure probably the most excruciating pain-infliction scene I'd witnessed to that point.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Was I the only one not actually rooting for James McAvoy's character in that movie? I mean, I wasn't rooting for Amin, but with McAvoy, I kept thinking, "You dumb fuck. You're stupider than a teenage girl in a horror film. You deserve to die."

    • He WAS Idi Amin.
      I think I expected to see a picture of Forrest Whitaker up there.

      (Yes, Annie. How did James McAvoy not see what was happening?!)

  • Oblios_Cap

    Who is Tucker Carlson? Is he named that because he tapes his pecker back and pretends he's Buffalo Bill Gumb?

    • HarryButtle

      I'd fuck me.

  • AlterNewt

    !. Who?

    2. Who?

  • DaRooster

    I will guess that the one liners are Carlson…

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    "Who said it?" would be fun for a lot of things:

    Allen West or Joseph McCarthy?
    Anne Coulter or Joseph Goebbels?
    Republican alternatives to the Clinton health reform plan, or provisions in the Affordable Care Act?
    Sarah Palin or the gibbering man on the #7 bus uptown?

    • C_R_Eature

      Dick Cheney or Josef Stalin?

    • chicken_thief

      Rick Santorum or Ayatollah Khomeini?

    • doloras

      Joseph Smith or L. Ron Hubbard?

  • hagajim

    I think the Daily Caller needs its own mole. Imagine the hilarious homo hyjinx that would provide.

  • el_donaldo

    The Daily Caller must be confusing communists with leading economists again.

  • not that Dewey

    Democrats walk like this, but CPUSA members walk like this

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      And dubious research walks like this

      • not that Dewey

        I would think that you'd want to try to replicate their research before you draw any hasty conclusions.

    • user-of-owls

      And they all dance the Fox Trotsky.

      Holy shit, Fred Astaire was a Red!

      • not that Dewey

        And Ginger did everything he did, but backwards and in high heels!

  • mavenmaven

    I don't care what anybody thinks.
    Tucker Carlson

    I don't care what anybody thinks.

  • thefrontpage

    Ann Romney is a Communist!

    • chicken_thief

      Please don't pick on Ann. She is too busy working hard, damn hard, supervising the help to have the time to defend herself.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Anybody who is named after a defunct automobile should just sort of slither off somewhere and leave the world alone. I wonder if Roger Ailes has already said that.

  • tl;dr, even Communist Party USA understands basic undergraduate macroeconomics better than Republicans.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I think Number 8 is actually a quote of Queen Elizabeth II.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    "Then the disciples, every man according to his ability, determined to send relief unto the brethren who dwelt in Judea"

    "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need"

  • Tundra Grifter

    Reminds me of a bit a local radio show used to do. They would offer a caller a series of names, and the player had to pick whether it was the name of a steak house or a gay bar.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      And of course the one where the announcer reads a bizarre crime story and the caller has to guess whether it occurred in Germany or Florida.

      (Dead giveaway–kinky sex, Germany. Idiotic robbery, Florida.)

  • greenide1

    I hear Tucker's getting ready to appear on the faaaaabulous new Fox News show "Dancing Around the Truth"…his specialty is the bossy blowva.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Has Tucker Carlson ever been relevant?

    • Oblios_Cap

      He's like Dagwood Bumstead's bow tie – pretty fuckin' stupid.

  • If Carlson's got his way we would all put our full faith and trust in unelected plutocrats, accountable to no one, who fondly remember jim crow and pine for the days before child labor laws. Yeah, it's the Communists who are dangerous.

  • HippieEsq

    This is hard. Friday the 13th sure feels a lot like April Fool's Day.

  • Callyson

    To be a feminist, you could cut your hair really short. You have to be really angry about something.

    Well, I'm pissed that I live in a world in which Tucker Carlson gets away with being a journalist–will that do?

  • DahBoner

    Give us a hint!

    Does Idi Amin have the chest hair of a 12 year old boy???

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