Newark Mayor Cory Booker Breaks Into Building, Abducts Woman Inside

Thug LifeCory Booker may finally have put an end to his reign atop the infamous criminal syndicate of Newark, New Jersey, with a brazen B&E in front of multiple witnesses. The Democrat “mayor” has admitted entering a building without permission of its owners and forcibly carrying out a woman who was inside. He claims the building was “burning,” and that the woman “would die.”

“I’m back here, I’m back here,” [the woman] yelled from a back bedroom, [Newark Fire Director Fateen] Ziyad was told by the mayor. After his security detail held him back, he told Ziyad, the mayor then yelled out to his guards to release him.

“She is going to die, she’s going to die,” he said, and crossed the smoke and flames before grabbing the woman.
Along with the security detail, Booker carried the woman in his arms through the spreading fire and smoke out of the building, Ziyad said.

It has frequently been noted that Booker spends all his time bullshitting on Twitter with idiot citizens gabbing about potholes and downed power lines and garbage pick-up, thus fostering an attitude of government dependency and welfare among his constituents.

Booker was in custody of a local hospital for smoke inhalation. [Star-Ledger]

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    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, it's pretty tough to run Jersey's largest city if you're always having to leave the city council meetings to go rescue kittens from trees and chase down cutpurses.

          1. C_R_Eature

            No but I know a guy who has. Used to be a great deckhand before he became a rummy. Nice fella, though.

          2. BaldarTFlagass

            Drinking don't bother my memory. If it did I wouldn't drink. I couldn't. You see, I'd forget how good it was, then where'd I be? Start drinkin' water again.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie commented "I would have liked to help, but I'm pretty busy conducting restaurant kitchen inspections."

    3. tessiee

      Newark is one of those really small towns that just has one guy as the mayor, police chief, fire chief, dog catcher, etc. Cory Booker has a lot of different hats, depending on what he has to do that day.

  1. littlebigdaddy

    He's just a Nobama lite taking away our freedoms, especially to die of smoke inhalation. Wake up sheeple!!!!!1111111

  2. obfuscator2

    well, booker wasn't shot on sight… i guess we can assume that george zimmerman isn't holed up in newark.

        1. not that Dewey

          The fire was concerned that all that moisture in the woman might have extinguished it; he had no choice except to try to burn her.

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      In 2017, President Andrew Cuomo will make Booker AG, as a political favor to VP Elizabeth Warren. UN Secretary-General Barack Obama will attend the swearing-in, and Associate Justice Michelle Obama will officiate.

      1. BarackMyWorld

        And he'll sit between Sec. of the Treasury Paul Krugman and Sec. of Defense Dennis Kucinich at the State of the Union.

          1. BarackMyWorld

            Sec. of Education Bill Ayers will stay behind at the White House as per emergency contingency to serve as acting president.

          2. Man0nTheStreet

            And to activate the ACORN-trained ghey-secular-Marxist pre-school Re-education-camp teacher shock-troop battalions.

          3. not that Dewey

            Sure, but then Speaker of the House James O'Keefe would turn off the C-SPAN cameras and Senate Majority Leader Rich Lowry would block all further cabinet appointments.

  3. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Bryan Fischer wants to know whether Booker checked to make sure the woman had paid her rescue fee. If not, Manly Jesus will be mad.

  4. donner_froh

    In related news, Mayor Michael Bloomberg of New York saved a stack of Treasury bills from accidental shredding by the city hall maintenance department.

    1. tessiee

      Saved them from accidentally being spent on schools and pensions, if I know anything about Bloomberg.

  5. Lascauxcaveman

    Oh, I get it. Negro man, breaking and entering, etc. etc. Must be a rough neighborhood.

    Oh well, as long as it was a incident of black-on-black rescue, no need to get the vapors. These things happen. Doesn't really concern us.


          1. Lascauxcaveman

            Negro? Oh, please. She prefers the term 'octaroon.' (And though honestly you may feel free to divide that by two, one can hardly tell the difference, in this case.)

            Mostly we just call her 'Maud, dear.'

          2. tessiee

            "DO come by for cocktails, Friday.


            *air kiss*
            I'll have my people call your people.

  6. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Look, lady, when somebody online types DIAF, you really shouldn't take it so literally.

  7. obfuscator2

    this is just another example of nobama's radical black panther leftist race-hustling war on combustion. i hope the good people at the daily caller hold mayor booker's feet to the… eh, you know.

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      Daily Caller: This alleged "Mayor" was overheard to frantically, repeatedly shout "Where's the [Ed: (mumble — perhaps "WHITE" )] woman at?!?"

  8. Blueb4sunrise

    Excellent person and story. Thanks.

    The above comments also rate as one of the best strings EVAH!!!!!!!!
    Wasn't expecting to laugh during this late check-in, with this story.

  9. anniegetyerfun

    Why does Nobama's protégé hate the heat-giving gift of fire that we got from Jeebus?

    1. sewollef

      Hang on a minute, I do believe — or some people say — that Mr Cory Booker himself has a dick, or pep-pee as some other people say.

      Cannot confirm that since I refuse to pay the $13 to get over the Verrazano Bridge to find out.

  10. Callyson

    Can New Jersey elect this guy governor, and replace the current idiot and asshole who is filling that position at the moment?

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      Joisey would have to elect several Bookers at once to fill Gov. FatBastard's chair!

      1. sewollef

        Incidentally, Gov. FatBastard was ripped a new one by Secretary of the Treasury, Paul Krugman this morning in the NY Times.

        Refreshing… and a sunny Friday in April…. what more can one ask for?

        1. James Michael Curley

          Can't wait to get to it as it hasn't come up yet on my email.
          I hope he mentions that Christie gave NJ corporations $1.57 billion in tax abatements to 'stay in NJ' and 'create new jobs.' The commitment is for 2,960 (approx) new jobs or $387,500 in tax payer money per job. Since the process stretches out over 15 years that's 198 jobs a year.

        2. James Michael Curley

          Now I read the article in the NYTimes. I like Krugman but that issue was so last Tuesday. The absurd amount of tax abadements to ten companies that had started their projects (like the new Prudential Building in Newark replacing an older one and the new warehouse for Goya Foods in Jersey City expanding an older smaller one) were on track before Christie became Governor.

          As additional to Krugman's op-ed on the ARC tunnel NJ just found out that it can not cancel $408 million in new locomotives from Bombadier which were designed to be used with the ARC tunnel by being co diesel/electric. Had the ARC tunnel not been a factor in the design of the locomotives, the cost would have been almost $250 million less.

          1. sullivanst

            Of course, while Krugman can throw up blog posts any time, his op-eds are only published Mondays and Fridays.

  11. Negropolis

    You've got to be fucking kidding me. This is absolutely ridiculous in the very best way on this particular event.

    BTW, glad the guy has finally told Christie to fuck off after that snake crossed him. I understand these well-meaning Democratic mayors with red governors wanting to stay within their good graces, but they've never cared about urban areas before, and they aren't for the forseeable future.

  12. SayItWithWookies

    Mayor Booker owes Ann Romney an apology.

    Seriously though that is amazing — from my understanding of the story it looks like he went in twice, and the second time was pretty sure he was gonna have to jump out the window. That's some serious public service. Fuckin' a, mayor!

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Look for right wing to claim he didn't really need to go in, and should have left it to professionals (who could easily carry out the carcass when they finally showed up). And that it emboldened the North Koreans.

  13. coolhandnuke

    A heart-warming story (no pun) indeed and a much needed lift from todays' wangfest.
    Yet editrix, you just had to keep with your one-track mind today by tossing in a photo of Andy Dick with the coolest mayor in the country.

  14. Jukesgrrl

    I feel a new Bruce Springsteen song on the horizon. When he's finished I'll let you know and we can meet to sing it 'neath the giant Exxon sign that gives this fair city light.

    1. James Michael Curley

      "Where're the eyes, the eyes with the will to see
      Where are the hearts that run over with mercy"

      "We Take Care of Our Own." © Last month – The Boss

  15. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    If only Chris Christie had been there. He could have simply shouted the fire down.

    1. flamingpdog

      He could have put out the whole fire just by rolling back and forth across the floor once or twice.

        1. James Michael Curley

          Flatulence is methane with various aromatics. Once Christie sized bean burrito would have taken out the entire city.

    2. Negropolis

      I was thinking they could have used him as one of those inflatable rescue bags for when the residents jumped from the windows.

    3. MrFizzy

      Let's hope so – if Christie ever caught fire it would be like one of those tire dumps you can never put out. I think the bacon grease alone would keep going for years.

  16. mayor_quimby

    You know, Barack and Corey are making it real hard on us ~40 y.o. black dudes out here. Now every black chick is gonna be all 'yeah, you the mayor who lived in the projects and shit, but have you rescued any old ladies from an inferno? OK, but did you kill bin Laden? Lame nigga be quiet, then!
    (hood citation )
    Your move, mayor Kasim Reed of Atlanta.

    1. Negropolis

      I'm waiting for Governor Deval Patrick to jump into Boston Harbor to save a floundering cruiseship by pulling it with his teeth.

  17. obfuscator2

    this story is basically the polar opposite of the trayvon martin tragedy/outrage. trayvon's lynching confirmed my distrust of gun nut racists while mayor booker has confirmed my belief in greater potential of the human race.

  18. flamingpdog

    Look at that picture of him up at the top. And you thought Preznit Barry had a big dick!

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      …just before he fell off his bike and into the Fault.

      Mayor-to-Be "Magic" Johnson could not be reached for comment.

  19. DeLand_DeLakes

    WOW. Didn't he also chase down & catch an actual bank robber a couple years back? This guy is actually a fucking superhero.

  20. Negropolis

    BTW, forgive me for originally believing that Mayor Booker actually did what the title described. He's got the perpetual crazy eyes, and politicians are doing strange shit all of the time, and this is New Jersey that we're talking about, after all…anyway, I'm glad I recalibrated my snarkometer to get the joke.

    1. Limeylizzie

      Those crazy eyes ,as you call them, are a beautiful colour and I would like to see them roving over my naked body.

  21. Isyaignert

    With all due respect to my fellow 'merikans, isn't Newark, NJ the murder/shithole capital of the USA?

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      The murder/shithole capital of the USA would be the area inscribed by a 1-mile-radius circle centered on wherever Dick Cheney is at any moment.

    2. BearNoLike

      No, it's the Jesus-trinket capital of the USA. Here's a quiz!!

      Ferry street is mostly what language?
      B. I'm a bigot across the board.
      C. Portuguese.

      Answer: The end, go jump in a lake.

    3. flamingpdog

      Just the other night, a Facebook friend of mine who is not altogether willingly moving to Atlantic volunteered that Atlanta looks really nice from the mountains. I suggested that Newark looks really nice from the Moon.

    4. C_R_Eature

      Aw, now Newark ain't all that bad. There's been progress since '96 when Time Magazine said it was "The Most Dangerous City in America – they were ranked 23rd in 2010. There's more economic investment now, the Ironbound district is becoming popular and Cory Booker's the mayor.
      Plus, I was born near there. Yougoddaproblemwiddat?

  22. BearNoLike

    Yes, but has he been to the dunkin' donuts on Ferry, lately?

    Cuz, honestly, the bus just ignores my stop, and that's a problem (c. 2004, so things might have improved).

    1. HateMachine

      As soon as he's discharged, he plans to chase down the bus on foot and stop it himself (by grabbing the bumper and digging in his heels, natch).

  23. Negropolis

    Lest we forget, this was the mayor shoveling out cars and snow-bound residents while Chris Christie was beached down in Florida.

  24. SudsMcKenzie

    As he broke away from his security team and headed into the inferno, he was heard saying "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker".

    1. BerkeleyBear

      You have now given me a reason to dislike the man forever, no matter how wonderful he is otherwise.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      There is something there that appeals to me, I realized at first that he reminds me of point guard Mike Bibby of the NY Knicks..
      Also good bud's w/ Rachel Maddow from when they both were at Stanford, according to the wiki.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I have seen him, as a guest, with Rachel and he is really a lovely, gentle, smart, thoughtful person, I would love to see him become Governor and then Prez. He is an original.

    2. James Michael Curley

      He did Oxford on a Rhodes Scholarship and graduated from my regional high school (twenty years after I did). I haven't met him yet although I knew a few people in Sharpe James administration; but since the writing was on the wall a few years before James was perp walked out of office, I did not keep up those contacts.

  25. Mahousu

    As usual, you're better off avoiding the comments on the news article. Big topic: Booker was obviously faking his smoke inhalation, since he was able to tweet about it on the way to the hospital.

    Amazingly, no one seems to have accused him of setting the fire – at least not yet.

    1. Mahousu

      Strike that last statement. "Sophocles" now thinks the whole thing was staged, since no one, "other than a fireman, would run into a burning house to save someone they really don't know." Certainly not. It's un-American to help people without being paid.

      1. sullivanst

        And there's no way a black man could possibly "really know" anyone, even his next door neighbor.

        1. tessiee

          "And there's no way a black man could possibly "really know" anyone"

          I thought Those People all knew each other.

          1. sullivanst

            Well of course they know each other well enough to conspire how to kidnap all the white women (and murder the men), but that's not "really knowing", ya know?

  26. JustPixelz

    Perhaps "I'm from the government and I'm here to help" isn't always as terrifying as the wingers want us to believe.

    Rescued from a burning building by a neighbor? Sounds like socialism.

    The Repubicans will use this story against Booker. And Politifact will help them by rating it "pants on fire".

  27. Dr_pangloss

    Funny thing happened on the way to the office dear. Cory Booker should carry around a wallet that say "Bad Ass Mutherfucker" on it. They should make a blacksploitation film about that bad muther.

    1. James Michael Curley

      If you can find "Street Fight" about the Booker campaign he lost to Sharpe James in 2002 you will definitively see somewhat of a clean shaven Shaft on the streets of Newark.

      I saw only a couple episodes of Brick City because other than Brick City the Sundance Channel is terminally boring. Brick City is made from following around Booker on his day to day exploits running Newark. I'm not sure it is still being made, but it's the Sundance Channel, nothng ever goes off the air there.

  28. BlueStateLibel

    Oh shut up, Chris Cristie would have done the same thing …it would have taken him two hours to reach the woman, who would've been dead, but he would've done it…in other news Dubya calls Cristie "enormous personality."

    1. C_R_Eature

      One touch of that fire would have turned Chris Cristie into a Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man-like Towering Inferno and Dubya is still an "enormous jackass."

    2. HoneyBadgitator

      And he would have worked up quite an appetite by the time he got there and would have eaten her.

  29. Rosie_Scenario

    Good thing George Zimmerman wasn't in the building to protect that poor woman. Too soon?

    1. tessiee

      Just a clarification; in the context of this story:
      It IS too soon for a George Zimmerman joke, but
      It IS NOT too soon for a Whitney Houston joke.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      There was a time when I would have believed that Rahm would have punched the fire in the fucking nutsack, but after watching him be an utterly useless Chief of Staff, I actually don't believe he'd so much of anything. Maybe light a cigarette off the flames?

    2. BerkeleyBear

      I don't think cussing can put out fire, but Emanuel might just prove me wrong by exhausting the oxygen in the environment.

  30. not that Dewey

    "I just grabbed her and whipped her out of the bed," Booker said. The two made their way downstairs, where they both collapsed, Booker said.

    'scuse me, while I whip this out…

  31. MilwaukeeKent

    Why, that upp…er, arrogant mayor! Throw the book at him! Actually, if you could just hand him this book contract, it needs his signature on several pages, as marked. Thanks. Anyone else need coffee?

  32. BaldarTFlagass

    "[Newark Fire Director Fateen] Ziyad"

    That's a jihad-y sounding name. And this is the guy that directs fires in Newark? I'd say that's just plain asking for trouble.

  33. FakaktaSouth

    I watched the doc "Street Fight" about Mayor Booker's campaign – anyone could have seen this coming a mile away just by the way he treated his parents.

    (Oh my god he truly is amazingly wonderful, and part of it is the way he thinks what he does is normal and what anyone SHOULD or would want to do. He's just so freakishly smart and physically fit, I love him.)

    1. James Michael Curley

      I just recommended Street Fight in this thread. I don't know where it is available. I have been talking to pols about Booker as Dem Gov Candidate in 2013 and expected to be able to make a few contacts at the end of next month when I have to attend a state wide function.

    1. not that Dewey

      "She was a little shaken, and suffered minor smoke inhalation, but she should be fine in a couple of days", said Dr. Patcherupandsenderhome.

    2. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Officer Markedfordeath, who has the sweetest newborn baby girl, a loving wife, and just two weeks to retirement, was busy investigating an armed robbery at a liquor store, but expected to be back in time for the weekly poker game at the station house.

  34. BaldarTFlagass

    After yesterday's Cavalcade of Cock, I'm really hoping today is going to be Boobie Friday here, for the equal opportunity. Although it certainly was a target-rich environment for dick jokes which, along with buttsechs, are one of the fundamental raison d'etres of Wonkette, unless I am gravely mistaken.

        1. C_R_Eature

          Sorry, that's just the way it is, today.

          Strangely enough, you kind of excite them. Don't be surprised if squids start following you around.

        2. tessiee

          "I find it difficult to fap to fucking calamari."

          That is as it should be.
          The sound effect that goes with calamari is not ::fapfapfap::, it is ::omnomnom::.

          1. C_R_Eature

            "O Cuttlefish," said the Carpenter,
            "You've had a pleasant run!
            Shall we be trotting home again?'
            But answer came there none–
            And this was scarcely odd, because
            They'd eaten every one.

  35. metamarcisf

    More liberal lies. Booker probably ordered the fire set so he could play hero for the liberal media and gain public support when he challenges Gov. Christie in the next election.

    1. tessiee

      "Booker probably ordered the fire set"

      Yeah, it was a big ol conspiracy. He's in cahoots with that fire chief guy with the terraist-sounding name.

  36. Poindexter718

    Where was the Neighborhood Watch when this thug was flaking & perpetrating?
    Oh yeah, I forgot they don't have them in NJ on account of the state's pussy gun control laws and the legal liability citizen volunteers would incur due to the lack of a Stand Your Ground statute.

  37. NorbertsRevenge

    The tragedy is that this story has become the top recommended story on, bumping to second place "N.J. man dies from penis enhancing injection, authorities say; woman charged with manslaughter"

  38. Chet Kincaid

    Activating his teenage dance skills, Chicago Mayor Rahm Emmanuel jeté-d onstage during a Joffrey Ballet performance last night to save a ballerina who was about to land awkwardly from a pas de deux.

  39. Barb

    It's Friday, the 13th and that is one black cat that can cross my path all day long. Cory, you are a true hero!

  40. Nothingisamiss

    Wow, turns out I can read The Wonks when I'm doing 8 hrs of ethics training.

    The more you know.

  41. sarah_connor

    that photo! do you think he is trying to tell us something? (scratches head, shifts in chair)

  42. Biff

    Meanwhile, on the other side of the country, also-thug mayor Kevin "KJ" Johnson is holding the Sacramento Kings hostage.

  43. OneYieldRegular

    I guess we now know who'll be occupying the coveted Sully Sullenberger chair at Obama's second inauguration.

  44. trampndirtdown

    I keep getting the mental image of Governor Sammiches as Charles During in his role as Gov. in O Brother Where Art Thou. Yelling at his advisers, " Why didn't you think of this! Get a baby to rescue!"

  45. kit10

    This is such a great spoof. It's also exactly what Commander Vimes was accused of by a political rival after rescuing a woman from a burning building in "Jingo" by Terry Pratchett, proving that great minds think alike.

  46. Negropolis

    "I mean, look, Chet, I’m not a bigot. You know the kind of posts I’ve written on these Wonkettes. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Blah, Democratic mayors' garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Blah, Democratic mayors, I get worried. I get nervous.”

    Yeah, I'm going to run that into the ground. I'm going to land it like John McCain lands a jet fighter, let me tell you.

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