Wolf Blitzer Will Put All Of You In, Uhh, All Of You In Timeout

  blitzer's big break

War on In-Person DiscussionsWelcome to the Situation Room on uh CN, CNN. Here we have Hilary, Hilary Rose Clinton, no, that’s uhhh, that’s Hilary Rosen, the Obama administration’s president, according the latest, information. Miss Hilary will you, you said last night on CNN’s Best Political… it was the best political team on television, on CNN where you were. You, Miss Clinton Rose, you said that Ann Romney — and Ann Romney, this is a wonderful woman, the wife of Mitt Clinton, her name again is Ann Romney — that uhh, that, she has never worked a day in her life, this is what you said. I want you to look into this camera, this CNN camera, from Washington, and I want you to apologize to Ann Romney, a lovely uhh, lady, with horses, this is what she rides.

Now you talk, Hilary, you talk to your husband Bill Romney, no, we are getting new information that, no, no you will talk to Ann McCain, and apologize. We are under the bus, live, on the best CNN politi-, uhh, CNN on cable.

[Rosen dutifully looks into camera, speaks to Ann Romney]

I didn’t hear an apology.

Now we will, uh, caterpillar, no, women, we will women next, on CNN, with Jack Cafferty of the Rosen Files, the Cafferty Files, with your responses to world news, the news of the world, all politics here, with the best team, Borger, uhh, Gloria Berger, John King, holograms, Jessica, the drones, yes, what, uhh, and beer, summit, that is the story at this hour.

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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114 comments

      1. Gleem McShineys

        From the sound of his voice it sounds a lot like he's working really hard …to pass an impacted gerbil out of his santorum chute.

      1. Negropolis

        Surely, caregivers are history's greatest monsters what with their care and giving and such.

  1. iburl

    I'm sorry, why is Hillary Rosen allowed to speak for anybody? RIAA shills should be tarred and feathered, not given a national stage for their evil.

  2. Barb

    The person who really hasn't "done a days work" is the guy in charge of organizing Wolf Blitzer's congratulatory Pulitzer prize party.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Yeah, you have to wonder if CNN has to have a team of shrinks on staff to console Wolf for about three months every year after yet another Pulitzer Prize ceremony passes with no mention of his name. I can see it now:

      "There, there Wolf, be a good boy and take the shotgun out of your mouth. Yeah, that's a good boy, you don't like the taste of nasty old Mr. Shotgun anyways now do you.
      You should have won the Pulitzer you know, but you didn't because the prize committee fears your power.
      Yes Wolf, you're so good that once the prize committee awards you the prize they'll never be able to give it to anyone else ever again. But how many of them get to moderate presidential debates? And you've got ever so much more gravitas than that insufferable poseur Anderson Cooper. Blanderson Cooper is more like it. And what is it with his head anyways. It's like it's too small or something so his ears stick out. And with that pale skin and hair and that mopey emo expression he's almost always wearing he looks like some kind of goddamned half-human/half-elf hybrid or some Goddamned thing or another. Now take your fucking pills you goddamned little pussy or I'll jam them down your throat on the end of a huge and splintery wooden strap-on dildo."

  3. Wile E. Quixote

    Fucking Democrats, don't apologize, double down and point out that Ann Romney is not a "stay-at-home" Mom. She's an incredibly rich woman who happens to have children and who has never worked a day in her life. And while you're at it slap the shit out of Wolf Blitzer. I hate Wolf Blitzer! The only reason he grew a beard is so he wouldn't end up on Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Well, OK, if you don't count popping out the gerbs at a steady and regular pace, and having a hand in raising them, then sure, she's never done a days work in her life.

      But with six (?) kids, you could at least say she's a very productive member of society.

      (Snark aside, I think portraying stay-at-home moms as non-workers is a loser's game. So after all the spinning, targeting Ann Romney this way is a mistake, even though she's incredibly wealthy and privileged, and not a "working mom" which was basically the point, I think.)

      1. SorosBot

        Maybe, but housewives aren't workers. And then there's the question of why she didn't work before her kids were born or after they grew up, instead just living off her husband's money that he made through having a rich and powerful daddy.

        1. Toomush_Infer

          I kind of want to know how much help she had – did she make all the meals, wash all the clothes, the dishes, drive the kids everywhere? Clean the house? Which house was this in? Hell, Brigham Young had so many wives, they had their own house….

        2. Negropolis

          It's one thing to say that, technically, housewives are not "workers" in the sense of the BLS. But, the choice of words by Rosen implied in a very general (and dismissive) fashion that she had "never worked a day in her life," which reeked of dismissing homekeeping and/or child-rearing as unimportant or far less important than labor force work, which is something I'm sure Rosen obviously didn't mean to imply if she really thought about. That's obviously something I don't want the Dems to be associated with.

          To be honest, I'm wondering exactly what you meant by your post above, because it certainly sounds as if you are calling Ann some lazy, lay-about because she doesn't work in the traditional definition of the economy.

          At the end of the day, this is a quintessential gaffe, that is to say that something was implied the speaker didn't mean to say or imply. This is peanuts in comparison to the policy positions most Republican holds that categorically ARE NOT gaffes.

        3. DahBoner

          Between the work done by all of the Romney servants, housecleaners, maids and Scandanavian nannies and with ole Mitt washing out his clothes in a sink by hand, what's left to do???

      2. Chet Kincaid

        The bigger point for me is that Democrats have to learn NOT TO APOLOGIZE for minor bullshit like this. Politics is a dirty fucking business, and Republicans do not give a shit, so why should independent liberal pundits with their own views give a shit either? The cold calculation is that any woman who cannot see through the Romney family's bullshit martyrdom on this issue was probably not going to vote for any Democrats anyway.

        1. Pop_Socket

          The Fake Umbrage Game where apologies are always demanded plays right into the hands of liberal guilt. You don't see Rush Limbaugh falling for this crap.

        2. Wile E. Quixote

          Dude, that is so awesome! That expresses so perfectly what I've wanted to say so many times but haven't been able to due to a lack of eloquence and the fact that I was choking back barely concealed rage at the media's willingness to enable conservatives and their bullshit.

    2. SkinnyNerd

      Must. hide. all. home. staff. A.S.A.P. Stop. Need. to. prove. that. Ann. did. work. Stop.

  4. HogeyeGrex

    Oh Noez!!! Somebody said something marginally offensive though factually accurate on Cable News!!!

    Wheah evah is mah fainting couch. Ah do believe Ah have tha vapahs.

  5. coolhandnuke

    A stay-at-home mom and a stay at many of her homes mom, is like comparing Wolf Blitzer to Walter Cronkite.

    1. CogitoErgoBibo

      Don't scare me like that! I actually went Googling to find out if you were making an announcement or just kidding. Long live Her Royal Reagan-esque Most High!

    2. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Dude, don't DO that!

      Oh, wait, so you're saying she'll live another 18,000 years? Seems optimistic, but OK…

      1. CogitoErgoBibo

        I totally missed that. If that was the intention, I hereby sign on to that sentiment. She's already about 9 parts alcohol, so she could probably make it that long in her almost entirely pickled state.

        1. Extemporanus

          Those — shall we say? yes, yes say we shall — crassly sad, shambling souls shouldering less couth than I will no doubt note, soon, if not prior, that Pimm's-preserved Pez pill Princess Peggington of Noonanshire MCMLXVII may — I repeateth, may — have deployed a piddling degree of inspired ingenue-ity in innocently obfuscating the number of bright, shining lights [Newell-penned posts] on her hill-esque cake [Our Wonkette], which, should decorum demand, might be deigned a Thing to let you consume, if only in the fervent Hope that its artificial vanilla-flavored frosted roundness might portend a perennially pined-for return to her sweet, beloved Dutch's notion of this, this great nation — nay, this Greatest Nation — slipped under the surly bonds of God, as she knowingly walks, blindly walks, just cold walks, strong, silent, unwavering wall waiting, watching, wooing her playfully swaying, slosh-besotted side.

  6. Texan_Bulldog

    Jack Cafferty is still alive? I actually liked that old curmudgeon. For an old, he was surprisingly not racist (all of the time–unlike everyone's favorite Uncle Pat Buchanan).

  7. FakaktaSouth

    She should have said, Hey, Wolf, while we're telling people what to say, why don't you say Thank You? Thank me for giving you something fake to talk about allllllll day? No?

  8. SorosBot

    Why the fuck should she apologize? Ann Romney is an incredibly rich woman who has never worked a day in her life; nor has her husband ever had a real job either. They're useless drains on American society.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    That's hardly a sufficiently groveling apology, Hilary Rosen — do you know that Ann Romney has had to mind multiple nannies at the same time that she was engaged in making sure her trainer properly broke in her dressage horses? Nevermind decorating houses on two coasts. Really, the nerve of some people.

    1. sullivanst

      And all this while keeping the number of dressage horses she owns secret from Mitt despite getting him to pay for however stableboys (and stables) they need.

  10. CogitoErgoBibo

    "You're going to sit right there until you apologize for calling that insanely wealthy woman 'lucky.' And you can't have any pudding until you eat your meat. Also."

  11. C_R_Eature

    To be honest, I'm conserving my Umbrage for the next vacuous, carefully manufactured, coordinated Right Wing Outrage Eruption.
    This one's just not doing it for me.

    See you next News Cycle.

      1. C_R_Eature

        That's the truth.
        You know something, I really thought her name was Mulva there, for a while. Boy, was my face red!

  12. gout

    Oh great, yeah she worked spitting out more human babies, just what the planet needs. LIke saying you have worked hard your whole life painting portraits of yourself. Hard work maybe, but to what end? Thanks for nothing.

  13. OneYieldRegular

    I wish Edward R. Murrow or Walter Cronkite or Albert Londres was still around (hell, in this situation [room] even Mike Wallace would do in a pinch) to step onto the set and pop Wolf Blitzer in the jaw.

  14. mavenmaven

    The Romney tax bracket is apology enough from the entire United States. I mean, really, apologizing now to the rich? Thank you for suggesting we eat cake.

  15. hagajim

    If I had Ann Romney's $$$$$ I'd have a thick skin as well. And I imagine a lot of the raising of those kids was done by the "help".

  16. not that Dewey

    It's still Hilary Rosen and we know you look like Hilary Rosen and you are Hilary Rosen

  17. bumfug

    "And that's not even talking about the time that surly maid baked me a cake with shit in it. Confidentially, Brigham Young had it right about those people."

  18. Slim_Pickins

    This is why Newt loves CNN, they can't find their ass with either hand. Don't even try both hands.

  19. Steverino247

    Rosen had to apologize to make this shit go away quickly before anybody got hurt and the machine got ramped up. This nothing story will now die a quick merciful death and everyone who wants Obama to be re-elected is now painfully aware of what awaits the slightest misstep or drama. It's good this happened now instead of closer to election day.

    And yes, I don't like playing nice with these fascist motherfuckers, but I live amongst the drooling masses and I know how this will turn out if the message isn't carefully aimed. After 8 p.m. Pacific Standard Time on November 6th, they can get back to wildly spraying the truth around the place.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      I don't think this issue actually plays with anybody who might actually vote for Obama or Democrats, but whatever. I don't think we have as much to fear from these minor bullshit flare-ups as we think, but we are so beaten down by 12 years of their media machine. Liberals need to grow our ovaries and nuts back, goddamnit.

      1. Steverino247

        I agree with you, but we also need to stay on message. People are feeling sorry for this woman, which is complete bullshit.

  20. not that Dewey

    Let me see if I can translate from Business Insiderese to English:

    "Wolf Blitzer Just Destroyed Hilary Rosen" = "Wolf Blitzer just mumbled like an idiot with a mouth full of novocaine in front of Hilary Rosen"

    How'd I do?

    1. Chet Kincaid

      That about sums it up. This is a game being played by consultants and party hacks. For the Republicans not to pounce on this would be like a chess game where I left a pawn and knight exposed. I'd look at you like you're crazy if you didn't take them. Whether the outrage is real or fake or plays with the public is not the fucking point. They do it because it's what they do. If it does get some real mopes riled up, that's gravy, and you keep doing it, about everything, because one of these phony dustups could hit the jackpot. Bold prediction: it ain't gonna be this one.

  21. DaRooster

    OT-
    Watching Michelle O on last nights Colbert… she is so hot she could melt that cockberg from earlier…

  22. BarackMyWorld

    I'm confused…aren't those lazy welfare queens we're all supposed to hate actually stay at home moms whose husbands/boyfriends abandoned them and have no way to earn a living because they don't have anyone else to stay at home with their kids?

    Someone clarify this for me, please.

  23. LetUsBray

    Okay, so when are they going to haul Foster Freiss on TV to apologize for his little assassination joke? If she's a "surrogate", then so is he.

  24. owhatever

    Ms. Rosen and others should not go around spouting truthiness about the Mrs. Romney. When has anyone on the rightwingnut bumper car circuit has ever said a bad word about that Mrs. B. Hussein Obama? Never, that's who.

    1. C_R_Eature

      Of Course Ann's a job creator! that stable full of Austrian Warmblood's needs a Staff and those paddock fences aren't going to paint themselves!

        1. C_R_Eature

          Yes, let's not forget about them. They really need the attention, otherwise they get all red-faced and cranky and just won't go to sleep without having a Tantrum.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Yeah, can't we have some kind of celebrity death match between the two of them where the winning prize is getting married or staying married to Mitt Romney and the losing prize is staying married to or getting married to Mitt Romney? Does that make any sense, I'm working on a cheap "three cans of PBR after a workout and not eating since lunch" kind of buzz here, if you know what I mean.

  25. Toomush_Infer

    This makes me want to stick a broomstick up Wolf's ass….just an asshole….oh, sorry,….snark on….

  26. Chet Kincaid

    The President of NOW was just on the Ed Show, and she gave the perfect response on the Rosen business. She stated that this is an economic and financial issue. After acknowledging that everyone knows stay-at-home Moms work, she said that Rosen misspoke in not saying "Ann Romney has never worked for pay outside of the home in her life" (which is reportedly true), but that was clearly the intent of her remark. The point of bringing it up is that neither Mitt Romney nor Ann Romney have the life experience to understand what working men and women go through with regard to economic and financial issues.

    Bravo. This is all anybody ever needed to say about this.

  27. Mumbly_Joe

    I was sort of wondering how long it would take for a candidate to realize that "spouses and children are TOTALLY OFF LIMITS (if you are a Republican)" meant that "spouses and children make the best campaign surrogates, because nobody's allowed to call them on their bullshit (if you are a Republican)".

  28. Chet Kincaid

    Is everybody going to just let Mitt Romney off the hook for not actually talking to half the electorate himself, and instead patronizingly telling everybody he just listens to what Ann said the little ladies told her?

    1. LetUsBray

      Well, it's not like we're talking about a really significant segment of the electorate, like beltway pundits. Plus IOKIYAR, also too.

  29. SkinnyNerd

    She should have refused to look at the camera just to find out how long it takes for Wolf to completely snap. Another missed opportunity at a great moment in cable news.

    Look into the camera! (while pulling his hair and shaking his head) LOOK INTO THE CAMERA GRRR!

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      She should have refused to look at the camera just to find out how long it takes for Wolf to completely snap. Another missed opportunity at a great moment in cable news.

      Dude, Wolf would lose his shit tout de suite as the French say or "in a fucking New York minute" as we say here in Freedomland Jesus H. Reagan of The United States of America." I remember watching CNN back in 1991 during Operation Desert Storm. Wolf and some other pinhead were sitting around during a Scud attack and then an alarm went off and they thought one was coming in. They spent the next few minutes in what is one of the funniest moments of improvisational comedy that I have ever seen, trying to figure out what to do while appearing all manly and "Edward R. Murrow during the blitz-like" and finally one of them ends up masking up and the other is asking breathlessly what is happening. I've been trying to find it but my Bing-Fu* is weak. If someone knows what I'm talking about and knows how to use one of these here new-fangled search engines like the Yahoo to find a video clip encoded in this newfangled and exciting Realmedia RealNetworks video codec (this is going to be the biggest thing to hit computers since OS2/Warp edition!) and would let us know where it is that would be great. Seriously, this is incredibly funny shit and every time I watch Wolf Blitzer I remind myself of watching it and once I do Wolf becomes so shriveled and pathetic that it's impossible for me to be angry at him.

      *Yeah, I'm using Bing, and I'm proud of it. I'm single and haven't had a girlfriend in years either. Oh, and I'm overweight and handicapped as well. So yeah, fuck you, go ahead and make fun of me for using Bing. You'd like to bring it but you've got fucking nothing.

  30. Negropolis

    Here goes the GOP projecting again. While what Rosen said is about as close to the actual definition of a gaffe as you can get, the Republican Party is obviously overplaying their hand realizing that while we can count the gaffes about women on our side on our hands, they might as well try counting their specific policy and ideological positions against women using the number of grains of sand on a given beach or the stars in the sky on a clear night.

    To put it simply, what Rosen said is a bug; what they say is a feature.

    Guilty much, you bastids? Hengh?

  31. not that Dewey

    According to the Totally Non-Libelous commenters at Breitbart, the Obamas, with their massive $165k annual income, had more than enough money to be able to raise their kids without Michelle having to leave the house to work, but the Romneys, with their piddling $165M annual income, should be cut some slack.

  32. LadyWisdom

    This whole thing really pisses me off. Mrs. Romney, here's the deal. Work is when you compete in public, risk being fired if you fail, are judged by people who aren't your husband, and are surrounded by perfect strangers who don't give a crap about you. That's work. What your entitled little self does playing mommy (undoubtedly with chars to do your scutwork) is a party compared to actual work.

  33. elgin_pelican

    Surprised she doesn't have a job – did her husband not tell her how fun it is to fire people?

  34. DahBoner

    I think what Miss One L Hilary meant to say was Ann Romney never collected a paycheck in her entire life.

    Then Ann Romney could do a neck roll and say:

    GIRL, THAT'S NOT WHAT MY DIVORCE ATTORNEY TELLS ME…

  35. ttommyunger

    Wolfie, beards don't make little people look grown-up. Beards make little people look dumb. Pls go away.

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