I CALL MINE LATE FOR DINNER  3:38 pm April 12, 2012

Lyndon B. Johnson Called His Penis ‘Jumbo’

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Ba Rock

[Robert] Caro has learned about Johnson’s rages, his ruthlessness, his lies, his bribes, his insecurities, his wheedling, his groveling, his bluster, his sycophancy, his charm, his kindness, his streak of compassion, his friends, his enemies, his girlfriends, his gofers and bagmen, his table manners, his drinking habits, even his nickname for his penis: not Johnson, but Jumbo. [NYT]

 
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{ 207 comments }

Barb April 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

George W. Bush called his "little rusty"

weejee April 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Or the mouse that roared.

OneDollarJuana April 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I'm sure Laura calls it "maggot".

When she can talk.

Barb April 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Wonder if Cheney calls his "pretzel" and that's what W really choked on?

Isyaignert April 12, 2012 at 5:48 pm

You're on fire girl! I've read stories about Rove being gay, then there's Jeff Gukkert Gannon the frequent WH visitor/gayforpay dude, then there's this – http://bushssecretlifein84.tripod.com/

Tundra Grifter April 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Funny – I'm a little rusty myself…

Negropolis April 12, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Knowing Bush's love of everything Tex-Mex, I bet he called it Sanchez.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Why didn't he just call it his Johnson?

Edit: I really need to start reading more thoroughly.

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Yeah, vill cut of your Johnson den smosh it.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Fuck your sympathy! I don't need your sympathy, man, I need my fucking Johnson!

CivilMcMannerly April 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I call mine Cessna. It's been just sitting in the hangar for quite a while, though…

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:46 pm

You might want to throttle it occasionally, just to keep the hydraulics intact.

OkieDokieDog April 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

That's killing babies!!!!1

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Well, I prefer to think of it as relieving internal pressure but if that's what you enjoy…

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Weird Al is what my penis is called.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

My penis is called often, but few are chosen.

BornInATrailer April 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Suddenly "my wife and I have enjoyed Weird Al together 10 times" gets, well, weird.

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub April 12, 2012 at 7:27 pm

In that you enjoyed it frequently when you were 14, but now rarely find time for it, and when you do it's not as enjoyable and becomes quickly tiring?

Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

They didn't call him el BJ for nothing.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

He was from Texas.

Everything's exaggerated in Texas.

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

*regards photo…*

Nessie?!

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

You know what that rock looks like?

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

It's orange and looks like a…

JOHN BOEHNER???

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Perhaps not John, but a definitely a Boehner.

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Good guess, but Boehner doesn't rock.

Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I'm seeing that Cristo underestimated the amount of latex needed for that rock cock.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Boy, don't I know about too little too latex….

*hitching up jeans*

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Hitler?

Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Reich Rock.

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Against my better judgement, this.

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 4:09 pm

It looks like it was formed when molten lava spurted to the surface, pulsing with heat, and … and … oh my.

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Geology is sexy.

littlebigdaddy April 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Is it real or shopped? Cuz I am amazed it's not a major tourist attraction.

Isyaignert April 12, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Srsly, I was thinking there must be a website that specializes in phallec-looking objects.

LOL – my hubby and I were in the best city in the world – Amsterdam and we toured the Sex Museum which has thousands of phallec artifacts. When we came out, everything looked like a big dick to us, especially the red parking bollards everywhere that look like a three foot erect circumcised dick. They even have XXX on them – no chit! Hilarious!

OkieDokieDog April 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

OT but still speaking of dicks, I just mailed back my IMPORTANT SURVEY from the GOP and Chairman Prince Reallylittledick and without adding a postage stamp to further unhelp out those poor poor GOPers (ha! take that! pay for your own damn postage, assholes!).
I feel confident that my red ink, underlines, exclamation marks and LOL's and LIARS! will be ignored like the last 3 times. It's pretty much like sending a birthday card to a little kid, or a prayer request to a televangelist – if there's no cash, check or credit card number attached, it goes right into the trash can.

valgal2342 April 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Did you forget to tie a brick to that important survey before putting it in the mail?

OkieDokieDog April 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

No brick, but I did cut up the envelope it came in & wrote they could have all their trash back because I didn't want it in my trash.

trampndirtdown April 12, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Fight the Power ODD.

sullivanst April 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Still costs 'em a fair bit to have someone open the envelope and discover there's no munniez. Probably more than the postage, even.

Jukesgrrl April 12, 2012 at 5:42 pm

You mean they don't have self-hating wimmin volunteers who will do that for free? What's this GOP coming to?

Generation[redacted] April 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Tell them they're not rabid right wing crazy enough for yer munnies.

Tundra Grifter April 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Rebecca – There's a recurring theme to your recent posts. Too much or not enough?

OzoneTom April 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Yeah, that makes three so far.

If you count that picture of a penis with glasses.

Sharkey April 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Take this quiz and tell us the results, Rebecca!

Tundra Grifter April 12, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Do you smoke after sex?

Have you ever looked?

ThundercatHo April 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I don't know about her but I'm thinking about taking up rock climbing.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I think I'd rather take up rock-sitting, or maybe licking.

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Maybe she's posting on behalf of us Wonketteers who are not getting anywhere near enough.

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 7:37 pm

I don't understand how ladies can ever have that problem. Try adjusting your standards? [downward - we're not all Brad Pitts here.]

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Can't speak for all ladies, but I seem to have the unfortunate knack for attracting Republicans. Some standards cannot be adjusted.

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 8:17 pm

As a dude, surrounded by mostly dudes at every place I've ever worked; most of us are Republicans. It's annoying for me too, and I'm not even looking for romance.

OneYieldRegular April 12, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Concupiscently absent is a photo of Pyongyang's Juche Tower, which has to win Olympic gold for most phallic monument on earth, manmade or natural.

Jukesgrrl April 12, 2012 at 5:43 pm

10

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Korea haz a boner.

WhatTheHeck April 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Just a reminder, Rebecca, Tinky Winky was different from the other tubbies.

Is it Penis day on the wonkets? Or are you just hot n bothered?

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Any word on what his nickname was for his bunghole?

johnnymeatworth April 12, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Hubert Humphrey.

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

BINGO!

It's like we're two legs of the same extra roomy-crotched pants or something!

trampndirtdown April 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm

We all like our Hagar slacks extra roomy.

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Mine are Horrible.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

"Bunghole"?

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm

How poo-etic…

nounverb911 April 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Vietnam?

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Probably. Because there was no light at the end of either tunnel.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Ooo, nice one-two!

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

"The First of the Ninth was an old calvary division that traded in their horses for helicopters and went tear-assin' around 'Nam looking for 'the Shit'…"

- Willard

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

His mouth?

kingofmeh April 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

"texas"?

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

"Tex-ass", perhaps?

littlebigdaddy April 12, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Trudeau.

Negropolis April 12, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Beaumont?

not that Dewey April 12, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Shadybird?

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Okay.

Hera Sent Me April 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Romney call his Mr. Unearned Capital Gain.

It's larger than it should be because it has lots of lobbyists.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Or his Little Dividend

Ann calls it Housework

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 4:09 pm

See, Rosen was wrong–Ann Romney *has* worked a day in her life. Five of them, to be exact.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Is laying on your back and closing your eyes "work"?

LionHeartSoyDog April 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Labor is Work.

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Depends on who you're with. For Mittens, while I'll admit he's not bad looking for a Republican, I'd guess it's work…

Jukesgrrl April 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Lie back and think of Switzerland?

OneDollarJuana April 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm

It's important to note that Ann loves to ride her horses. Probably the reason why Mitt keeps running for Pres, in order to boost his ego, or maybe to hook up with one of Newt's cast-offs.

OzoneTom April 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

If he'd named it "Dumbo" it could've lifted itself-up by the ears.

CogitoErgoBibo April 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

"Jumbo" may be what he called his penis, but Ladybird begs to differ.

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Ladybird gets "The Worm"?

ChernobylSoup April 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I always knew geology was a pervert.

weejee April 12, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Yep, it's how the world gets its rocks off.

mrblifil April 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Not only that, it's constantly hard.

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm

And lubed.

RedneckMuslin April 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Seek medical help if it lasts longer than 4 hours.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Today is all dick pics and newt stories. Coincidence?

nounverb911 April 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Everything is bigger in Texas.

RichinFla April 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Ummm, Madam Editrix seems phocused on the Phallic today.
Anything you want to share with us today??

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I always wondered if the women folk named the na-nas? I know that the lil' lady has names for her breastistes.

Barb April 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm

"Miss Mookie" and "sweater puffs"

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

That's adorable! Call Nickelodeon! "Miss Mookie and The Sweater Puffs" is the next "Hello Kitty!"

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I see what you do there.

Jus_Wonderin April 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Or, an alias name for a band consisting of cool kids that solve crimes, drive around in a mod-van and have a big semi-talking dog.

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I know that the lil' lady has names for her breastistes

"Pop" and "Tart" — right?

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Left-wing Juggernauts?

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Rock-em & Sock-em

CogitoErgoBibo April 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

My breasts are affectionately known as "The Twins." Never named my nethers. In the polite South, it's just known as "down there." A lady may own a vagina, but it's just not necessary to acknowledge that fact to the extent that a name would be required. Pass the sweet tea, dear.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

A lady may own a vagina

That's unpossible in red states.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Old girlfriend of my used to just call it her "Nah-nah." I thought that was kind of cute, and then I made her a Nah-nah mix CD with songs that had the lyrics "nah nah" somewhere in them. There's a lot out there.
Hey Jude
Land of a Thousand Dances
Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss him goodbye)
Shooting Star
Nobody's Fault but Mine (technically not "nah nah" but sounds close)
The list goes on…

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

NahNahs With Attitude?

Barb April 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Bristol calls her na-na "Jumbo", just like LBJ

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Levi called it IHOP.

I hop in, I hop out.

Barb April 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm

IHOP is good. I'm sure the bitch smells like the sink at the Waffle House.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm

"The Tent"

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Cuz it flaps in a stiff breeze?

randcoolcatdaddy April 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Sometimes a cigar is just a …. Oh, forget it. BALLS!

Goonemeritus April 12, 2012 at 3:55 pm

My son nicknamed his “The Mayor” when he was 5 years old. I have no idea where he got that but I couldn’t have been more proud at the time.

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Since were talking dick stories. I was in the shower with my 4 year old at the swimming pool cleaning off. He pointed at my wedding tackle and said "You have a big penis daddy". (Since he has yet to hit puberty and I am way passed it you can see why he would say somthing innocent enough.) I laughed and jokingly told him "next time you see a pretty girl tell them that."
About 3 weeks later we were waiting for a bus near a college campus and there was this cute 19 year old co-ed waiting for the bus as well. My son walked over to her and said, matter-of-factly, "My daddy has a big penis". I grabbed him and said to her "kids say the darndest things". I can't tell you who's face was redder, her's or mine, but I can tell you that my son got a double scoop ice cream cone an hour later with an "atta boy".

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

And I always used to think that men with kids were safe…LOL…

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I would have tipped him $5 in front of her and got her number.

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I haven't felt prouder of him since.

OneDollarJuana April 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

You're lucky she didn't call Child Protective Services.

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 3:56 pm

OT

Diane Sawyer on Thursday tweeted that she will sit down with Mitt and Ann Romney on Monday. “What’s your big question?” she asked followers.

Uggswell P. Gravel
Who is Diane "Not Deep Throat" Sawyer?

http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entries/dia

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

When I was a drummer: Rhythm Stick
When I was a bassist: Long Neck

Now that I'm just a boring, ordinary caveman: Spelunker

mrblifil April 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

You doesn't have to call it Johnson….

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Just don't call it "Junior"

Penii are people too, my friend!

Goonemeritus April 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Rebecca I must say for someone whose life ambition was to write a mommy blog your collection of naturally occurring giant phallic pictures is more than impressive.

nounverb911 April 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

What does Callista call Newt's?

An_Outhouse April 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm

late for dinner?

V572 Fehrnstrom April 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

"Get that thing away from my 'face'! By which she means "hair."

So: it's "That Thing."

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Marginal Rate — because under Newt it's too small to be seen.

RedneckMuslin April 12, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Sugardaddy?

Nostrildamus April 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Tater tot.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 12, 2012 at 4:19 pm

"The ATM"

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:20 pm

"Done"

CthuNHu April 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

She doesn't actually call it anything.

She just closes her eyes and thinks of Tiffany's.

Limeylizzie April 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

MrLimeylizzie calls his the Log of Justice.

CogitoErgoBibo April 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Which makes you the Log Lady?
[Long live "Twin Peaks!"]

V572 Fehrnstrom April 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Mailer called his "the Golden Avenger." This is why Mailer was a brilliant writer.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Is it some kind of divining rod, discerning Truth from Error?

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Oh now I see what MLK must've meant when quoting the Book of Amos — "Let Justice roll like a mighty… log."

Limeylizzie April 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Maybe I should re-name it 'Amos” and then my vagina could be “Andy”?

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Maybe I should re-name it 'Amos"

Make it "Famous Amos" and you just might convince him!

Antispandex April 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Haven't named mine yet. Let's see…..Mitt? He's a big prick. Ok, Mitt it is!

An_Outhouse April 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I call my johnson Lyndon B.

Barb April 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

All rise!

Limeylizzie April 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

That's correct!

IncenseDebate April 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

No wonder he could never get it out of Vietnam.

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Gets a might lonesome on the south forty, eh Tex?

V572 Fehrnstrom April 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Speaking of hardons, Caro has a lifelong one against LBJ…not sure why exactly. but if you look at the score, you see that under Johnson you got the Civil Rights Acts of 1964 and 1965, Medicare, the Great Society, Head Start, and Medicaid. Caro's first LBJ book made him seem like an unalloyed monster.

"To be sure," has they say in high-class birdcage liners like the NYT, there was also Vietnam…

ifthethunderdontgetya April 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Exactly. I was a step behind…
~

Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Not so sure V. I rather enjoyed The Path to Power, Means of Ascent and Master of the Senate. (Before I found the Wonketz, I read a lot more.) I think Caro was rather even handed with LBJ. He was a very complex character, to say the least, and it shows how careful we have to be in evaluating politicians. The things you mentioned will be discussed in Vol. IV, but having read the previous three I can understand how this multi-faceted character could even conceive of these monuments to progressivism.
Y también, The Power Broker.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

This being Wonkette on the Internet, I didn't let the fact that I only read the first one as serialized in the New Yorker deter me. Johnson wasn't lovable, but he sure did an astonishing amount of good stuff, much of it not in character with his TX background.

Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I would agree that Caro was toughest on LBJ in that first tome. LBJ mellowed a bit as he aged. It's hard to think of anyone else who could have snuck the Civil Rights Act through.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 12, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Nixon: China :: LBJ: civil rights

Man I enjoy our Wonkette Book Club meetings!

jaytingle April 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm

And he inadvertently elevated KBR from a regional paving company who greased most every TX lawmaker to a world-class military-industrial contractor at which point they were bought by Halliburton.

donner_froh April 12, 2012 at 5:16 pm

After reading the first two volumes of the Johnson biography I didn't think that Caro hated LBJ. I thought he was a whiny bitch but a tremendously talented writer in 100 to 150 page chunks. Large parts of The Path to Power and The Power Broker (his biography of Robert Moses) are as good as nonfiction writing in postwar Amerikkka.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 12, 2012 at 5:21 pm

The Power Broker was awesome, real education in class, money, land use and redevelopment theory.

Wile E. Quixote April 12, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Any time someone wonders why American cities are fucked up the way they are I point them towards The Power Broker.. I do the same for anyone who is reading The Death and Life of Great American Cities by telling them that The Power Broker is about the asshole who created the policies that Jane Jacobs wrote the book about.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Yep.

As we sank deeper into Vietnam, the big fool said to push on.

But the Civil Rights Act of 1964, and Medicare?

You can thank Lyndon Johnson.
~

V572 Fehrnstrom April 12, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Ha ha, saw that Smothers Brothers moment live in the teevee room of my college dorm. Jaw-dropping.

Like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkNxkIoG254

Jukesgrrl April 12, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Maybe LBJ was listening to the generals on the ground. Someone might want to point that out to Mitt Romney.

Oh, hell, why bother.

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Snark off…

That fucker. If he had really been jumbo, he would have had the cojones to GTFO in Vietnam, and the Great Society would have stood a chance…

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

How come every time I look at that picture I see santorum impaled on it?

Jus_Wonderin April 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm

It should be bigger than, right?

RedneckMuslin April 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm

As he probed Lady Bird's Lay-Bay-Jay.

Jukesgrrl April 12, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I think he only did that a couple of time. And because she had money.

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 7:55 pm

You deserved way more pee-points for that comment.

GOPCrusher April 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I call mine The Heat Seeking Moisture Missile, but it's been awhile since gotten to sink the pink.
:-(

barto April 12, 2012 at 4:14 pm

But what did his penis call him? Dickhead?

CindynEncinitas April 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

This rock is in Kodachrome Canyon in Utah. For some unknown reason, this picture approximates the one on the flyer advertising the junior rangers program. What are they trying to tell the kids? Be a junior ranger and get a ginormous winkie? WTF??? Astonishing.

valthemus April 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

"You participated in a phallus naming?"

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 7:58 pm

"Pack up your rape culture and take a hike!"

I've seen that movie an unbelievable amount of times. It's what made me want to go to a George Clinton concert (which are awesome).

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Roosevelt: "Longfellow"
Truman: "Buck"
Ike: "Mike"
Kennedy: "The Thinker"
Johnson: "Longhorn"
Nixon: "Trickster"
Ford: "The Washington Monument"
Carter: "Mr. Peanut"
Reagan: "Mommy's Helper"
HW: "Mr. Mojo"
Clinton: "Lil Trooper"
W: "POTUS"
Obama: "Hopey"

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I thought Bush called his Cheney.

(that works on so many levels, it's staggering…)

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

The last word on that subject:
http://wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/09

Isyaignert April 12, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Yowzer! He'll always be Cheney the Dick to me.

JerkCade April 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Taft: "where'd I leave that thing?"

Angry_Marmot April 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Taft used to tell the hookers to roll him in flour and go for the wet spot.

JerkCade April 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Washington: "woody"
Lincoln: "the stovepipe"
T. Roosevelt: wait for it . . . "Rough Rider"
Millard Filmore: just "fill more"

this is fun. help me out

trampndirtdown April 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Van Buren: Just for Men

Angry_Marmot April 12, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I thought that was Buchanan.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I call mine "Funky" because I'm always trying to get it to get down.

ph7 April 12, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Both Kennedy and Johnson's heads were renown for exploding in grassy knolls.

Lucidamente1 April 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I believe Spiro Agnew called his "No contest."

not that Dewey April 13, 2012 at 12:06 am

Spattering Spermbob of Smegmatism, or Pusillanimous Pussyfooter

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Well, who doesn't?

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

My old Jewish girlfriend called mine the Kosher Porksword.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

When I dated an Orthodox, she called mine "Samson's pillar"

Of course, I had hair back then….

OH SNAP! IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED????

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Old Jews make the best girlfriends.

imissopus April 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

So it's Natural Formations That Look Like Giant Cocks Day on Wonkette, eh?

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Cactus Man will pop up any post now!

weejee April 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Perhaps our Editrix will recycle these photogs on Cocktober 11th of this year when we celebrate the 21st anniversary of Anita Hill telling us about Justice Clarence Thomas' love affair with Long Dong Silver.

valthemus April 12, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Ms. Schoenkopf can't possible have a more impressive collection of phallus-like images than Colby Keller. Plus he does gay porn. He's my hero.

niblick77 April 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

And it grew up to go to college and be named Rick Perry! (I win, please send me all your money, now!)

ifthethunderdontgetya April 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Rick Perry isn't smart enough to be LBJ's penis.
~

Jukesgrrl April 12, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Where it majored in animal husbandry?

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Jumbo, go away
Jumbo, go away
Jumbo leave me alone
Get your head off my bone
I wanna go home
("I'm hungry")

Jumbo lighten up
Jumbo lighten up
Jumbo give me a break
Lighten up on my snake
That's all I can take

Jus_Wonderin April 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Ah ha! So that's way Lady Bird liked Blue Bonnets!! Mrs. Wildflowers, indeed.

thefrontpage April 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Johnson wasn't the only one. According to Caro's extenstive, 450-page biography of Larry Craig, "Wide Stance Nation," at least 394 other people in Washington called their Johnsons "Jumbo." "In fact, that word, 'jumbo,' was used as a secret bathroom stall code in D.C. for decades," Craig said, according to Caro. "It's a fun word to say."

Jus_Wonderin April 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Well, it is a word that is hard to say with a straight face.

widestanceromance April 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Of all days for me to have no time for commenting, this would be it. Damn it!

BTW, I call mine, The Voyager.

Angry_Marmot April 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm

It travels by canoe, hoping to poke her hontas?

widestanceromance April 12, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Not with my wide stance. ;)

It's because most can only take seven of the nine (as if).

Angry_Marmot April 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Mine became "Dumbo" about the third time I woke up in a tree with people laughing at me.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 12, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I don't call mine anything, because it never listens anyway.

I had a girlfriend who called it "Mr. Ed" for some reason.

Jukesgrrl April 12, 2012 at 5:56 pm

LBJ's Jumbo alone had more political acumen than every dick in today's Congress combined.

C_R_Eature April 12, 2012 at 6:09 pm

That looks just like a Telefunken U-47.

C_R_Eature April 12, 2012 at 6:15 pm

"If I were President there'd be a Johnson Day, make everybody get on their knees and pray for Mr. Johnson and the Juice Crew."

notgross April 12, 2012 at 6:43 pm

The folks at Tufts are not impressed.

she_dog April 12, 2012 at 10:09 pm

I read that book! I knew all about his penis! Already! Does that make me weird?

ttommyunger April 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

"Lyndon B. Johnson Called His Penis ‘Jumbo’." J. Edgar Hoover, however, called it "the other white meat".

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm

That would be Mitt's name for Ann's cooch

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