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This Smug Sex Mannequin Is The Official Libertarian Mascot

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The Ghost of Murray RothbardDon’t know how, don’t know why, but last night your Wonkette found itself in the bathroom of Reason magazine HQ, during a John Stossel book event, staring down this pantsless mannequin that all libertarians molest all day, maybe.

“Salutations, Mr. Boss, Dr. Congressman Ron Paul,” any libertarian will say any given workday, “I just finished writing a treatise on on how taxes are a form of coercion to steal your property, backed by military and police power, or whatever annoying thing it is I always say. Can I go molest the sex mannequin now?”

“Bleaahnnnhaanhnhn,” Ron Paul responds, the end.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    I see a hint of acorn on the mannequin.

    • JustPixelz

      From little acorns, might oaks grow.

      I'm trying out some radical homosexual agenda metaphors to be ready for the coming collapse of marriage.

    • chicken_thief

      It started out John Holmes-esqe but everyone that walked by rubbed it, so now it's down to a nub. A couple more years and it'll be a va-jay-jay.

      • Gleem McShineys

        And it's name? Galt's Gulch

  • JustPixelz

    There's a reason it has no head.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Was it skullfucked off?

    • Negropolis

      I don't know; I think I see a little head.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Well, if that mannequin isn't asking for it, I don't know who is.

    • ph7

      That mannequin is definitely flirting with me, too.

  • Barb

    That mannequin could use some head.

  • DaRooster

    Man, when that guy in the restroom gives head…

  • biblioteq_tress

    For when they're feelin' a little aynrandy

  • MoeDeLawn

    Different hatsize from Stossel, mebbe, but definitely the same useable brain capacity.

  • valgal2342

    Larry Craig has found a new job! The stimulus must be working!

  • sullivanst

    And for the third consecutive post I say….

    WTF?

    • Baconzgood

      I already have "WTF" Ctrl+C for the next post.

    • Callyson

      These days, I've got the WTF reaction to AOTK…

  • el_donaldo

    No pants and no head. Rebecca said metaphors are hard, but this one comes double!

    • DetectiveGrey

      And at the same time, not at all!

  • edgydrifter

    That's the only Reason t-shirt ever made smaller than XXXL.

  • Baconzgood

    Does that mannequin have balls?

  • johnnymeatworth

    Wow, rentboy.com members sure post some weird user pics….

  • Extemporanus

    Aside from the curtain, Galt's Gulch looks exactly as I imagined it.

  • mrpuma2u

    That dummy is just like most of libertarians I have met, plastic, unrealistic and not much going on upstairs.

    • Nostrildamus

      also, lacking pants.

  • noodlesalad

    "What's up with the pantless mannequin?" I asked.
    Atlas shrugged.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Close the thread.

  • Baconzgood

    Why do libertarian put the TP so far from the crapper? Can't they have that shit on a roll? It's like you have to stand up and walk across the room to get your ass wipe.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      FREE MARKETS!!!!…. I know it doesn't make sense but neither do Libertarians.

  • SorosBot

    And that's how Objectivists like their women; with no heads to talk back from, and stiff and lifeless to receive their cocks without resistance.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      It's a dude-equin. However, in support of your point, I heard that Ayn Rand raped and killed a man in 1957.

      • SorosBot

        Well she was a big fan of a man who raped, murdered and dismembered a 12-year-old girl, calling him her ideal man. This is not a joke.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if they let the free market determine whether to mount the toilet paper roll "over" or "under." Looks like they're still undecided.

  • Radio福井県

    Hey, at least we don't have to worry about skullfucking.

  • AlterNewt

    Sometimes the picture really does tell the whole story.

  • Blueb4sunrise
  • Radio福井県

    We've found the mole!!1!

  • Antispandex

    My wife took one look and said, "Ah, the perfect man". I'm not sure, but I think I just got insulted.

    • ph7

      It may just mean she's found a very good use for the detachable head.

      • RedneckMuslin

        That's a dude? I thought that flat spot was to rest a beer on.

  • Baconzgood

    How come Reason magazine needs a shower?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Really — if you're still in their offices you're just going to need another one after you get out the door.

    • DetectiveGrey

      Good point; aren't those powered by water subject to government sanitation regulations? Big Brother is cascading all over your body!

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Headless on both ends. Yep, that's a libertarian.

  • JackDempsey1

    Headless mannequins are shown so that the consumer can project, "hey, that could be me wearing that fabulous muumuu…,"
    or, in this case, "hey, that could be me, pantsless, in the executive bathroom of a magazine with a keen sense of irony, just like Mr. Newell."

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Book party!" "Stossel?" Puh-shaw. How can we be sure you're not mole'ing for some shifty undercover stint, Newell, like Faux's latest merry prankster? Seems he spent a lot of time in bathrooms getting his storyline ready for press, just sayin'.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I guess the rest of the mannequin got tired of the head making up rules and telling everyone what to do.

  • An_Outhouse

    A john Stossel book event? Why? There was a perfectly good rerun of CSI on last night.

  • LastGasp

    In case John Stossel didn't show they were just going to put out the mannequin. With Stossel's wooden personality and clueless demeanor who'd be able to tell the difference?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      People would know it wasn't Stossel unless you put a porn-star mustache on it.

  • Serolf_Divad

    One could probably…. no, fuck that… could definitely have a more intelligent conversation with that thing than with John Stossel.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Well you can just read me a bedtime story tonight, Newell. I didn't ever want to sleep again anyway.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    If it weren't for Obama and the new Black Panthers wrecking the economy Reason would be able to afford a for their restroom instead of a mannequin.

  • Callyson

    Hubba hubba! I've got some head for that hunk…

  • ph7

    I assume the shower in their HQ bathroom is for lessons in the Socratic method.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Libertarians most certainly picked that mannequin, but no way did they design that t-shirt. If they had, all the letters would be in red, white and blue Magic Marker and crowded over to one side with lots of exclamation points.

    • Baconzgood

      Don't forget misspellings.

      • OneYieldRegular

        And all caps.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    What is Reason without perception?

    (audience claps)

    I'll stick with "Disturbing Graphics" for $600, Alex.

  • Radio福井県

    I'd hit it.

  • ph7

    Sadly, that's the second talking head Reason has recently lost.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Of course, his name is John Galt.

  • hagajim

    Apparently Atlas Shrugged his head right off.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Why in the world would you waste your time going to a John Stossel book event? Was it free crayon night?

  • freakishlywrong

    This has been a really weird fucking day.

  • Nostrildamus

    I blame chickens.

  • ratcityrebel

    I don't want to know why Galt's Gulch needs a shower. (Gold orgies.)

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Well, by DC standards, that probably was the most attractive person in attendance.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Listening to Stossel drone on about how the market can cure everything, including impotency, you would probably remove your head too if you could.

    (Note, Stossel wife did solve his impotency by outsourcing their sex life to a country with lower taxes).

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    So it's true that Stossel will be starring in "The Freddie Mercury Story"?

    • __kth__

      also 1st generation porn star Harry Reems (pic SFW)

  • WiscDad

    Hey..I recognize that man(equin)…It's Atlas Smug

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Finally, a post where I don't have to watch a goddam video.

  • http://grandpaboy.blogspot.com/ seppdecker

    That's where they're going to put Ron Paul's animated head-in-a-jar when his withered body finally betrays him.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Reason? Stossel? Pantless? Molest?

    I sense some fun with Google in the offing.

  • DahBoner

    There's Reason behind this????

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Is the magazine catering to Libertarians called "Reason" because of one of those hipster-douchebag "irony" jokes?

  • __kth__

    Not inflatable, so they exceeded my expectations.

  • ttommyunger

    Reminds me of the time Stossel got his head slapped off by that wrestler. Too funny! google: stossel,wrestler if you haven't seen it.