TRUE STORIES  1:40 pm April 12, 2012

This Smug Sex Mannequin Is The Official Libertarian Mascot

by Jim Newell

The Ghost of Murray RothbardDon’t know how, don’t know why, but last night your Wonkette found itself in the bathroom of Reason magazine HQ, during a John Stossel book event, staring down this pantsless mannequin that all libertarians molest all day, maybe.

“Salutations, Mr. Boss, Dr. Congressman Ron Paul,” any libertarian will say any given workday, “I just finished writing a treatise on on how taxes are a form of coercion to steal your property, backed by military and police power, or whatever annoying thing it is I always say. Can I go molest the sex mannequin now?”

“Bleaahnnnhaanhnhn,” Ron Paul responds, the end.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 79 comments }

Barb April 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I see a hint of acorn on the mannequin.

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

From little acorns, might oaks grow.

I'm trying out some radical homosexual agenda metaphors to be ready for the coming collapse of marriage.

chicken_thief April 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

It started out John Holmes-esqe but everyone that walked by rubbed it, so now it's down to a nub. A couple more years and it'll be a va-jay-jay.

Gleem McShineys April 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

And it's name? Galt's Gulch

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm

There's a reason it has no head.

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Was it skullfucked off?

Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 1:23 am

I don't know; I think I see a little head.

BlueStateLibel April 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Well, if that mannequin isn't asking for it, I don't know who is.

ph7 April 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

That mannequin is definitely flirting with me, too.

Barb April 12, 2012 at 1:44 pm

That mannequin could use some head.

DaRooster April 12, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Man, when that guy in the restroom gives head…

biblioteq_tress April 12, 2012 at 1:44 pm

For when they're feelin' a little aynrandy

MoeDeLawn April 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Different hatsize from Stossel, mebbe, but definitely the same useable brain capacity.

valgal2342 April 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Larry Craig has found a new job! The stimulus must be working!

sullivanst April 12, 2012 at 1:46 pm

And for the third consecutive post I say….

WTF?

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I already have "WTF" Ctrl+C for the next post.

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm

These days, I've got the WTF reaction to AOTK…

el_donaldo April 12, 2012 at 1:46 pm

No pants and no head. Rebecca said metaphors are hard, but this one comes double!

DetectiveGrey April 12, 2012 at 2:51 pm

And at the same time, not at all!

edgydrifter April 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

That's the only Reason t-shirt ever made smaller than XXXL.

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Does that mannequin have balls?

johnnymeatworth April 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Wow, rentboy.com members sure post some weird user pics….

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Aside from the curtain, Galt's Gulch looks exactly as I imagined it.

mrpuma2u April 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

That dummy is just like most of libertarians I have met, plastic, unrealistic and not much going on upstairs.

Nostrildamus April 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

also, lacking pants.

noodlesalad April 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

"What's up with the pantless mannequin?" I asked.
Atlas shrugged.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Close the thread.

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Why do libertarian put the TP so far from the crapper? Can't they have that shit on a roll? It's like you have to stand up and walk across the room to get your ass wipe.

trampndirtdown April 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

FREE MARKETS!!!!…. I know it doesn't make sense but neither do Libertarians.

SorosBot April 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

And that's how Objectivists like their women; with no heads to talk back from, and stiff and lifeless to receive their cocks without resistance.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 2:31 pm

It's a dude-equin. However, in support of your point, I heard that Ayn Rand raped and killed a man in 1957.

SorosBot April 12, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Well she was a big fan of a man who raped, murdered and dismembered a 12-year-old girl, calling him her ideal man. This is not a joke.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I wonder if they let the free market determine whether to mount the toilet paper roll "over" or "under." Looks like they're still undecided.

Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Hey, at least we don't have to worry about skullfucking.

AlterNewt April 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Sometimes the picture really does tell the whole story.

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 1:53 pm

We've found the mole!!1!

Antispandex April 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

My wife took one look and said, "Ah, the perfect man". I'm not sure, but I think I just got insulted.

ph7 April 12, 2012 at 2:02 pm

It may just mean she's found a very good use for the detachable head.

RedneckMuslin April 12, 2012 at 2:11 pm

That's a dude? I thought that flat spot was to rest a beer on.

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

How come Reason magazine needs a shower?

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Really — if you're still in their offices you're just going to need another one after you get out the door.

DetectiveGrey April 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Good point; aren't those powered by water subject to government sanitation regulations? Big Brother is cascading all over your body!

AlaskaGrrl April 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Headless on both ends. Yep, that's a libertarian.

JackDempsey1 April 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Headless mannequins are shown so that the consumer can project, "hey, that could be me wearing that fabulous muumuu…,"
or, in this case, "hey, that could be me, pantsless, in the executive bathroom of a magazine with a keen sense of irony, just like Mr. Newell."

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

"Book party!" "Stossel?" Puh-shaw. How can we be sure you're not mole'ing for some shifty undercover stint, Newell, like Faux's latest merry prankster? Seems he spent a lot of time in bathrooms getting his storyline ready for press, just sayin'.

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I guess the rest of the mannequin got tired of the head making up rules and telling everyone what to do.

An_Outhouse April 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

A john Stossel book event? Why? There was a perfectly good rerun of CSI on last night.

LastGasp April 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

In case John Stossel didn't show they were just going to put out the mannequin. With Stossel's wooden personality and clueless demeanor who'd be able to tell the difference?

Wile E. Quixote April 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm

People would know it wasn't Stossel unless you put a porn-star mustache on it.

Serolf_Divad April 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

One could probably…. no, fuck that… could definitely have a more intelligent conversation with that thing than with John Stossel.

ChernobylSoup April 12, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Well you can just read me a bedtime story tonight, Newell. I didn't ever want to sleep again anyway.

Wile E. Quixote April 12, 2012 at 2:03 pm

If it weren't for Obama and the new Black Panthers wrecking the economy Reason would be able to afford a for their restroom instead of a mannequin.

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Hubba hubba! I've got some head for that hunk…

ph7 April 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I assume the shower in their HQ bathroom is for lessons in the Socratic method.

OneYieldRegular April 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Libertarians most certainly picked that mannequin, but no way did they design that t-shirt. If they had, all the letters would be in red, white and blue Magic Marker and crowded over to one side with lots of exclamation points.

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Don't forget misspellings.

OneYieldRegular April 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm

And all caps.

Sharkey April 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

What is Reason without perception?

(audience claps)

I'll stick with "Disturbing Graphics" for $600, Alex.

Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I'd hit it.

ph7 April 12, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Sadly, that's the second talking head Reason has recently lost.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Of course, his name is John Galt.

hagajim April 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Apparently Atlas Shrugged his head right off.

Oblios_Cap April 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Why in the world would you waste your time going to a John Stossel book event? Was it free crayon night?

freakishlywrong April 12, 2012 at 2:14 pm

This has been a really weird fucking day.

Nostrildamus April 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I blame chickens.

ratcityrebel April 12, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I don't want to know why Galt's Gulch needs a shower. (Gold orgies.)

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 12, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Well, by DC standards, that probably was the most attractive person in attendance.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Listening to Stossel drone on about how the market can cure everything, including impotency, you would probably remove your head too if you could.

(Note, Stossel wife did solve his impotency by outsourcing their sex life to a country with lower taxes).

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 2:30 pm

So it's true that Stossel will be starring in "The Freddie Mercury Story"?

__kth__ April 12, 2012 at 9:32 pm

also 1st generation porn star Harry Reems (pic SFW)

WiscDad April 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Hey..I recognize that man(equin)…It's Atlas Smug

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Finally, a post where I don't have to watch a goddam video.

seppdecker April 12, 2012 at 2:52 pm

That's where they're going to put Ron Paul's animated head-in-a-jar when his withered body finally betrays him.

valthemus April 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Reason? Stossel? Pantless? Molest?

I sense some fun with Google in the offing.

DahBoner April 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

There's Reason behind this????

glamourdammerung April 12, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Is the magazine catering to Libertarians called "Reason" because of one of those hipster-douchebag "irony" jokes?

__kth__ April 12, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Not inflatable, so they exceeded my expectations.

ttommyunger April 14, 2012 at 10:09 am

Reminds me of the time Stossel got his head slapped off by that wrestler. Too funny! google: stossel,wrestler if you haven't seen it.

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