fruits and nuts

Gigantic Radical Homosexual Agenda Busy Tearing Holes In All The Bottoms (VIDEO)

Gay icebergQuick, everybody leave the engine on your Hummer running, all night, with the AC cranked! Sorry the Maldives, but we must use global warming to melt all the icebergs, because gays! Wait what? Oh, humanity is the Titanic, and gays are the iceberg that murders the Titanic. But what does that make Leonardo DiCaprio? It makes him Jesus (“King” of the “World,” amirite?) dying for Kate Winslet’s sins. And who is the drunken captain? (John Boehner.) (Oh wait, that was the Exxon Valdez.) (Did the Titanic have a drunken captain? If you have seen the movie, could you let us know?) What about that captain in Italy who refused to go back on the ship and help save all his passengers? (He is Barack Obama, probably, because he was a shiftless pussy.)

Metaphors are hard, you guys. Here, watch RightWingWatch’s video, and make some “metaphors” of your own!

[RightWingWatch]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    "Tearing Holes In All The Bottoms"
    Won't the santorum leak out then?

  • FraAnima

    Is that an iceberg in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

    • NorthStarSpanx

      The Arctic just.got.interesting.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      That's cold!

    • An_Outhouse

      Its an iceberg! You're going down.

  • nounverb911

    Icebergs are people too, my friends.

    • chicken_thief

      As are bottoms.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    It's FILM DAY at Wonkette!!!!

    • nounverb911

      Who's president of the A/V Squad?

      • Blueb4sunrise

        The geek with the dandruff and thick glasses.
        Quentin or some weird ass name like that.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      That is not how babby is formed!!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Gives a whole new meaning to being frigid. . .
    Yeeeeehaw.

    • Mojopo

      Lesbian bed death, apparently.

  • JustPixelz

    If you think metaphors are hard, try similes. Or parables.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    (Did the Titanic have a drunken captain? If you have seen the movie, could you let us know?)

    I saw the movie a few years back, and IIRC, it was about Kate Winslet's tits. And also something about a large boat? I think.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I don't recall any boats. Motorboating, perhaps.

      • nounverb911

        "Some of my best friends own sunken ocean liners".
        –Mitt Romney

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I think young Leonardo DiCaprion is a very sexy creature. I loved him in Basketball Diaries. he combines on the best qualities of cute boy, and slightly butch baby dyke.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Bieber Libel!!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      It was about posing nekkid, fucking in 1912 Renault Town Cars, and looking like a completely different person when you're 80. Poorly animated walking sprites on deck during CG flyovers, also.

  • DaRooster

    What, no shrinkage?

    • Extemporanus

      I was in the Arctic! I WAS IN THE ARCTIC!

      • Extemporanus

        Ironically, my p-ness just got bigger because of this comment!

        Haha, good one, God.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Ah but Rebecca, a [wo]man's reach must exceed one's grasp, or what's a metaphor?

    This comment is 100% snark free as I am unable to watch any video linky ..

  • sullivanst

    Brown claimed “we’ve already hit the iceberg and the ship is already going down”

    So, we might as well just give in and enjoy the buttsecks before the waters claim us, amiright?

  • el_donaldo

    Icebergs are growers, not show-ers

  • Barb

    "but we must use global warming to melt all the icebergs"
    Global warming is a myth. I blame the penguins and their happy feet.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      penguins are gay.

      • Barb

        Yeah, they always look like they blew a seal.

    • Steverino247

      Little flightless bastards!

  • Callyson

    Jennifer Cassidy = closet case.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    So, the military is going to be used to round up and persecute, uh, heterosexuals, if I understand that video correctly. The repeal of DADT suddenly makes sense!

    Jesus fucking CHRIST, these people.

    • sezme

      No, you misunderstood. It's more fun for the fundies if they pretend the military is going to round up the Christians. More fun for me too, actually.

      edit: oh sorry, I read heterosexuals as homosexuals. Apologies, my bad, etc. Never mind!

  • Baconzgood

    Sooooo….Icebergs are creating a police state for gay people?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      That's about it, I'm afraid.

    • George Spelvin

      Makes as much sense as anything these fuckers say.

  • FakaktaSouth

    This picture does not make me NOT want to do stuff. Is this supposed to make me all NOT want a peepee around me? It's not working. Hooray for big old peni. penises? Whatever! Hooray!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That blond with the eggbeater hairdo at the beginning there would be enough to turn me gay.

  • skaboy.net

    Try Posting this article on google+
    WTF is up with the pic attached! hehehe

  • CrunchyKnee

    Wait what? Homo icebergs are penetrating the Goatse of sacred 'Merican unions?

  • Ducksworthy

    This whole thing is just plain weird.

  • Callyson

    And here I thought the Pizza Man's video was a capital WTF moment? He manages to look coherent and sensible compared to these paranoid freaks…

    • BaldarTFlagass

      This video needs more chickens attacking ocean liners.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Yo, the Titanic was a British ship. We have nothing to worry about.

    • sewollef

      OK, now I'm hurt. Those are my peeps you've just libelled….

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      The Homosexual Agenda is coming from belowdecks!!!

  • Extemporanus

    Mother Nature wears a strap-on.

    • CommieLibunatic

      /blush

  • skaboy.net

    Apparently i need to be "navigated around" Will this new feature be available on google navigation? I would love to "bypass" a few gay guys.

  • valgal2342

    Whoa…..did she say in the first few seconds….and I believe she did….."the radical homo agenda is dulling our sense of righteousness? WTF????? Well pardon the fuck out of homos for dulling your sense of righteousness bimbo!

    • OneYieldRegular

      I dunno. Everyone in that video seemed pretty f-ing righteous to me.

      • sullivanst

        But you have to admit they were all very dull.

      • CommieLibunatic

        If anything, they're flamingly too righteous.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Righteousness Camp!

  • bureaucrap

    Let me illustrate the decline of western civilization, using this barbie doll, this salt shaker, and this can of peaches in syrup… see, the barbie doll jumps into the can, and suddenly…OH NO, salt!!!!! That's why we have to kill the illegals.

    • Baconzgood

      That's the clearest I've ever had it explained to me by a right wing republican.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      I see the French influence in your work.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      It's adorable watching Wingnut's kids play!

    • CommieLibunatic

      In counterargument, I will follow Lewis Black's example and throw a fossil just over your head.

  • sezme

    Yes, the homosexual agenda is like a giant iceberg threatening to take down the ship of state. If only there was a way to get these homosexuals to stop putting their penises in the mouthes and anuses of Republican congressmen!

  • gullywompr

    Now that's what I call a North Pole!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Fucking James Cameron has a lot to answer for.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Ah, so that's why he's diving as deeply as he can go into Marianas Trench.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Does Mariana's husband know??

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Seems to me he would have had to have heard an awkward echo.

  • http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

    Waaaaay before (or maybe waaaaay far in the future after) the Titanic, it was Captain Kirk's secret agenda to turn everybody into the gay. He succeeded for a while but his singing career got in the way (h/t George Takei): https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=422365091

  • Mojopo

    Can't this gay iceberg just have a daytime talk show like everyone else?

  • RedneckMuslin

    That iceberg will cold cock you?

  • freakishlywrong

    It's a "what the fuck??!" kinda day.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    I must say, Rebecca, this post surpasses even your usual comedic genius. Convoluted metaphors, ftw!

    • emmelemm

      I know, I was like, are you already drinking Irish coffee this morning, Rebecca? Holy WTFs…

  • Baconzgood

    HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE STRAIGHT AHEAD!!!!

  • edgydrifter

    Two questions: Why would the homos want to destroy America (presumably they live here, too)? What will the homos do after America is destroyed? The hard right always implies some kind of sinister motive driving this "agenda," but I sure as hell can't figure out what it is. I must be gay-stupid or something.

    • banana_bread

      They want to turn it into a tolerant, equal-rights loving, universal health care regime that taxes the rich and helps the poor.

      Clearly, they are monsters.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      First America, then Earth. Of course, the ultimate goal is domination of this solar system but along the way teh gay will take Uranus.

    • DahBoner

      Redecorate?

  • sewollef

    Is that a circumcised iceberg I see before me or not?

    Maybe it's a jewish iceberg. I can't tell anymore….

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Well with a name like "Iceberg"…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That iceberg should see a doctor about that swollen nutsack. Could be incipient elephantiasis.

    • Troglodeity

      Correction: ElephantICEis.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    If you teachers and kids are not scared of teh ghey, you have not been "adequately trained."

    How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

    • Steverino247

      If you don't beat your meat, you can't have any pussy!
      How can you have any pussy, if you don't beat your meat?

  • freakishlywrong

    They doth protest too much. Remember, he who smelt it dealt it.

    • Troglodeity

      Correction: He who melt it dealt it.

    • Nothingisamiss

      The one who denied it supplied it also comes into play.

  • Antispandex

    Ok, I get it. Gays = flaming, hence the icebergs melt. No, wait, the polar ice caps melt…no that can't be it because "they" are lying about that…Naw, shit, it's just to complicated for me.

    • CommieLibunatic

      Don't think about it too hard. Just do the right thing and drag a fag for Jesus. Drag anyone who isn't exactly like you, for that matter.

  • JustPixelz

    "There are just a couple steps before the military could be used in a persecution of those who are viewed as enemies of the new state police system"

    WRONG! There are no steps. It's called the USA PATRIOT Act. See ya in Guantanamo or behind the surveyor's marks of a drone missile .

    Which of the Village People will be doing that persecution? The Navy guy or the Army guy. I don't think it will be the Indian* guy.

    I thought we had the Second Amendment and all those guns to prevent tyranny. If all those guns can be overpowered by the radical homosexual agenda, I surrender now. Miss Lindsey, you have such pretty eyes.
    _____________________________________
    * politically incorrect reference to see if I get persecuted

  • barto

    So the Shytanic got cold cocked?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    "10 years after 9/11, the gays are flying their penises toward the Twin Towers of Religious Freedom and Tax Exemption!!"

  • gout

    So if homosexuality becomes socially acceptable then everybody will be doing it all the time because of course everybody wants to, right? Right?

    • CommieLibunatic

      Yeah, I like how these anti-gay doomsayers seem to assume that EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. will turn gay. Nobody will be left straight; not the heteros who want children, not the bisexuals, not even the aforementioned doomsayers.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Apparently some kind of moral rot will occur in which we all just go "aww fuck it" to any ethics, morality and personal hygiene of any kind, not limited to wriggling around in excrement or Subaru ownership.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Wait! Subaru? I like many of their models. I must now stop for a bit of introspection. Did I eat that banana at lunch because…I was gay???

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          "All lesbians drive Subarus" = "All blahs drink grape Kool-Aid", or whatever it is the Buckra like to pass around in their funny emails.

          • CthuNHu

            I decided to experiment with lesbianism recently. BIG mistake. I shoulda stuck with Toyota.

            How f&^%$ing hard is it to make head gaskets that don't explode? And how many years does it take before you realize you're doing it wrong?

      • gout

        They must reckon that since that is the only thing keeping them from breaking out the diapers, small rodents, duct tape, live chickens, dwarves, leather chaps and vaseline, it must be the same for everybody.

  • barto

    Wait, doesn't that sign say "Homo Sex is In!" ?!?

    • DahBoner

      Funny, but every closet door I've opened never leads to Out…

  • Baconzgood

    Is it just me or did that make NO FUCKING SENSE! Focus people. You're all over the board on this one.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Gay man overboard!!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Ever since that last post, my agenda includes nothing except eating fried chicken. Oh, and being responsible for the downfall of civilization as we know it. I always forget that one. I should make a todo list.

  • owhatever

    I was all aworried about Herman's killer chickens, and now you throw an iceberg at me. Mercy.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    It's gross that calista leaves her dildo floating around in the ocean like that.

    • sullivanst

      It's even worse when she lets it run for President.

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    Thar be the white whale, sing out men!

  • SayItWithWookies

    The chains that really oppress these idiots are the chains of causality.

  • CommieLibunatic

    These guys see gayness everywhere and think about the homosexuals more than I do, and I dreamed about a tentacled dominatrix last night.

  • bureaucrap

    In all fairness, a guy I dated recently was sort of like an iceberg. But only emotionally.

  • WiscDad

    shiftless pussies just lay there

    • Jus_Wonderin

      However, it is easier to stop on a hill at a traffic light.

  • An_Outhouse

    Admit it, that video is from the Onion.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Shiver me timbers!!

    • Fare la Volpe

      …Sailor~

  • widestanceromance

    Trump was right–it is very, very impressive.

  • Antispandex

    BTW I don't mean to feed the conspiracies or anything, but that does not look like a goyish iceberg. Just sayin'

  • Rosie_Scenario

    It was teh Jooz that sunk the Titanic!
    Goldberg, Iceberg, what's the difference??

  • MLite

    They'll outlaw bigotry and the military will force everyone to be gay! Makes complete sense to me.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Metaphors are hard.

    And throbbing.

  • hagajim

    Man, I watched that video and right when they started talking about taking on water I felt badly like I needed to piss all over them…running water and all. Nice "Penisberg" BTW.

  • James Michael Curley

    Those radical Homosexuals with their marrying will learn their lesson a few decades from now when the have no one under 70 to bring them their motherf*cking ice tea.

  • DetectiveGrey

    What I get from this video is 'ships go down on icebergs'. Pretty cut and dry, if you ask me.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    I also love how they talk down to their audience, speaking slowly and simply so they'll be understood. It's a rookie teacher mistake, but it must be mandatory to address wingers this way.

    (BTW: what a lot of closet-cases! Especially the guy with the sign!)

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    Is it really that hard for Christianists not to turn gay when confronted by the temptations of buttsecks and cuddly bears? Is there something about prayer that incites a same-sex lust? I have yet to see an angry atheist group raging about homosexual agendas being rammed down their throats. Maybe these people should consider spending a little less time cannibalizing Christ and a little more time commingling with cannabis. Might take their minds off the throbbing gay manness menace that otherwise fills their every waking moment.

  • http://estevancarlos.com american__mutt

    I subscribe to the homosexual agenda's rss feed.

  • swordfis

    I watched this while I was on hold with BCBS and boy, was that one big helping of American Pie!

    I guess once you have your iceberg metaphor, you don't need any facts. It's just that persuasive.

  • DahBoner

    "Jeff Gannon", Homosexual-R, just put up Dubya's old MISSION ACCOMPLISHED banner…

  • Nothingisamiss

    Fucking insanity.

  • ttommyunger

    Reminds me of some woman who complained: "He had the coldest dick I ever felt." I can't for the life of me remember if I read this or it was a woman I actually know…. Going to drive me crazy all day.