FRUITS AND NUTS  1:21 pm April 12, 2012

Gigantic Radical Homosexual Agenda Busy Tearing Holes In All The Bottoms (VIDEO)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Gay icebergQuick, everybody leave the engine on your Hummer running, all night, with the AC cranked! Sorry the Maldives, but we must use global warming to melt all the icebergs, because gays! Wait what? Oh, humanity is the Titanic, and gays are the iceberg that murders the Titanic. But what does that make Leonardo DiCaprio? It makes him Jesus (“King” of the “World,” amirite?) dying for Kate Winslet’s sins. And who is the drunken captain? (John Boehner.) (Oh wait, that was the Exxon Valdez.) (Did the Titanic have a drunken captain? If you have seen the movie, could you let us know?) What about that captain in Italy who refused to go back on the ship and help save all his passengers? (He is Barack Obama, probably, because he was a shiftless pussy.)

Metaphors are hard, you guys. Here, watch RightWingWatch’s video, and make some “metaphors” of your own!

[RightWingWatch]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 129 comments }

nounverb911 April 12, 2012 at 1:23 pm

"Tearing Holes In All The Bottoms"
Won't the santorum leak out then?

FraAnima April 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Is that an iceberg in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

NorthStarSpanx April 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

The Arctic just.got.interesting.

starfanglednut April 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

That's cold!

An_Outhouse April 12, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Its an iceberg! You're going down.

nounverb911 April 12, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Icebergs are people too, my friends.

chicken_thief April 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

As are bottoms.

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 1:26 pm

It's FILM DAY at Wonkette!!!!

nounverb911 April 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Who's president of the A/V Squad?

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

The geek with the dandruff and thick glasses.
Quentin or some weird ass name like that.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm

That is not how babby is formed!!

FakaktaSouth April 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Gives a whole new meaning to being frigid. . .
Yeeeeehaw.

Mojopo April 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Lesbian bed death, apparently.

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

If you think metaphors are hard, try similes. Or parables.

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

(Did the Titanic have a drunken captain? If you have seen the movie, could you let us know?)

I saw the movie a few years back, and IIRC, it was about Kate Winslet's tits. And also something about a large boat? I think.

GunToting[Redacted] April 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I don't recall any boats. Motorboating, perhaps.

nounverb911 April 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

"Some of my best friends own sunken ocean liners".
–Mitt Romney

starfanglednut April 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I think young Leonardo DiCaprion is a very sexy creature. I loved him in Basketball Diaries. he combines on the best qualities of cute boy, and slightly butch baby dyke.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Bieber Libel!!

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:46 pm

It was about posing nekkid, fucking in 1912 Renault Town Cars, and looking like a completely different person when you're 80. Poorly animated walking sprites on deck during CG flyovers, also.

DaRooster April 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

What, no shrinkage?

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I was in the Arctic! I WAS IN THE ARCTIC!

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Ironically, my p-ness just got bigger because of this comment!

Haha, good one, God.

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Ah but Rebecca, a [wo]man's reach must exceed one's grasp, or what's a metaphor?

This comment is 100% snark free as I am unable to watch any video linky ..

sullivanst April 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Brown claimed “we’ve already hit the iceberg and the ship is already going down”

So, we might as well just give in and enjoy the buttsecks before the waters claim us, amiright?

el_donaldo April 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Icebergs are growers, not show-ers

Barb April 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

"but we must use global warming to melt all the icebergs"
Global warming is a myth. I blame the penguins and their happy feet.

starfanglednut April 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm

penguins are gay.

Barb April 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Yeah, they always look like they blew a seal.

Steverino247 April 12, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Little flightless bastards!

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Jennifer Cassidy = closet case.

GunToting[Redacted] April 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm

So, the military is going to be used to round up and persecute, uh, heterosexuals, if I understand that video correctly. The repeal of DADT suddenly makes sense!

Jesus fucking CHRIST, these people.

sezme April 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm

No, you misunderstood. It's more fun for the fundies if they pretend the military is going to round up the Christians. More fun for me too, actually.

edit: oh sorry, I read heterosexuals as homosexuals. Apologies, my bad, etc. Never mind!

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Sooooo….Icebergs are creating a police state for gay people?

starfanglednut April 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

That's about it, I'm afraid.

George Spelvin April 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Makes as much sense as anything these fuckers say.

FakaktaSouth April 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

This picture does not make me NOT want to do stuff. Is this supposed to make me all NOT want a peepee around me? It's not working. Hooray for big old peni. penises? Whatever! Hooray!

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

That blond with the eggbeater hairdo at the beginning there would be enough to turn me gay.

skaboy.net April 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Try Posting this article on google+
WTF is up with the pic attached! hehehe

CrunchyKnee April 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Wait what? Homo icebergs are penetrating the Goatse of sacred 'Merican unions?

Ducksworthy April 12, 2012 at 1:31 pm

This whole thing is just plain weird.

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

And here I thought the Pizza Man's video was a capital WTF moment? He manages to look coherent and sensible compared to these paranoid freaks…

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

This video needs more chickens attacking ocean liners.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Yo, the Titanic was a British ship. We have nothing to worry about.

sewollef April 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm

OK, now I'm hurt. Those are my peeps you've just libelled….

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm

The Homosexual Agenda is coming from belowdecks!!!

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Mother Nature wears a strap-on.

CommieLibunatic April 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm

/blush

skaboy.net April 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Apparently i need to be "navigated around" Will this new feature be available on google navigation? I would love to "bypass" a few gay guys.

valgal2342 April 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Whoa…..did she say in the first few seconds….and I believe she did….."the radical homo agenda is dulling our sense of righteousness? WTF????? Well pardon the fuck out of homos for dulling your sense of righteousness bimbo!

OneYieldRegular April 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I dunno. Everyone in that video seemed pretty f-ing righteous to me.

sullivanst April 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm

But you have to admit they were all very dull.

CommieLibunatic April 12, 2012 at 2:08 pm

If anything, they're flamingly too righteous.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Righteousness Camp!

bureaucrap April 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Let me illustrate the decline of western civilization, using this barbie doll, this salt shaker, and this can of peaches in syrup… see, the barbie doll jumps into the can, and suddenly…OH NO, salt!!!!! That's why we have to kill the illegals.

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

That's the clearest I've ever had it explained to me by a right wing republican.

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I see the French influence in your work.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

It's adorable watching Wingnut's kids play!

CommieLibunatic April 12, 2012 at 2:07 pm

In counterargument, I will follow Lewis Black's example and throw a fossil just over your head.

sezme April 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Yes, the homosexual agenda is like a giant iceberg threatening to take down the ship of state. If only there was a way to get these homosexuals to stop putting their penises in the mouthes and anuses of Republican congressmen!

gullywompr April 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Now that's what I call a North Pole!

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Fucking James Cameron has a lot to answer for.

OneYieldRegular April 12, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Ah, so that's why he's diving as deeply as he can go into Marianas Trench.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Does Mariana's husband know??

Jus_Wonderin April 12, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Seems to me he would have had to have heard an awkward echo.

lisawines April 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Waaaaay before (or maybe waaaaay far in the future after) the Titanic, it was Captain Kirk's secret agenda to turn everybody into the gay. He succeeded for a while but his singing career got in the way (h/t George Takei): https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=422365091

Mojopo April 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Can't this gay iceberg just have a daytime talk show like everyone else?

RedneckMuslin April 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

That iceberg will cold cock you?

freakishlywrong April 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

It's a "what the fuck??!" kinda day.

starfanglednut April 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I must say, Rebecca, this post surpasses even your usual comedic genius. Convoluted metaphors, ftw!

emmelemm April 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I know, I was like, are you already drinking Irish coffee this morning, Rebecca? Holy WTFs…

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE STRAIGHT AHEAD!!!!

edgydrifter April 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Two questions: Why would the homos want to destroy America (presumably they live here, too)? What will the homos do after America is destroyed? The hard right always implies some kind of sinister motive driving this "agenda," but I sure as hell can't figure out what it is. I must be gay-stupid or something.

banana_bread April 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm

They want to turn it into a tolerant, equal-rights loving, universal health care regime that taxes the rich and helps the poor.

Clearly, they are monsters.

Jus_Wonderin April 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm

First America, then Earth. Of course, the ultimate goal is domination of this solar system but along the way teh gay will take Uranus.

DahBoner April 12, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Redecorate?

sewollef April 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Is that a circumcised iceberg I see before me or not?

Maybe it's a jewish iceberg. I can't tell anymore….

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Well with a name like "Iceberg"…

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

That iceberg should see a doctor about that swollen nutsack. Could be incipient elephantiasis.

Troglodeity April 12, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Correction: ElephantICEis.

Sharkey April 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

If you teachers and kids are not scared of teh ghey, you have not been "adequately trained."

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

Steverino247 April 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

If you don't beat your meat, you can't have any pussy!
How can you have any pussy, if you don't beat your meat?

freakishlywrong April 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

They doth protest too much. Remember, he who smelt it dealt it.

Troglodeity April 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Correction: He who melt it dealt it.

Nothingisamiss April 12, 2012 at 7:49 pm

The one who denied it supplied it also comes into play.

Antispandex April 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Ok, I get it. Gays = flaming, hence the icebergs melt. No, wait, the polar ice caps melt…no that can't be it because "they" are lying about that…Naw, shit, it's just to complicated for me.

CommieLibunatic April 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Don't think about it too hard. Just do the right thing and drag a fag for Jesus. Drag anyone who isn't exactly like you, for that matter.

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm

"There are just a couple steps before the military could be used in a persecution of those who are viewed as enemies of the new state police system"

WRONG! There are no steps. It's called the USA PATRIOT Act. See ya in Guantanamo or behind the surveyor's marks of a drone missile .

Which of the Village People will be doing that persecution? The Navy guy or the Army guy. I don't think it will be the Indian* guy.

I thought we had the Second Amendment and all those guns to prevent tyranny. If all those guns can be overpowered by the radical homosexual agenda, I surrender now. Miss Lindsey, you have such pretty eyes.
_____________________________________
* politically incorrect reference to see if I get persecuted

barto April 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm

So the Shytanic got cold cocked?

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm

"10 years after 9/11, the gays are flying their penises toward the Twin Towers of Religious Freedom and Tax Exemption!!"

gout April 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm

So if homosexuality becomes socially acceptable then everybody will be doing it all the time because of course everybody wants to, right? Right?

CommieLibunatic April 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Yeah, I like how these anti-gay doomsayers seem to assume that EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. will turn gay. Nobody will be left straight; not the heteros who want children, not the bisexuals, not even the aforementioned doomsayers.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Apparently some kind of moral rot will occur in which we all just go "aww fuck it" to any ethics, morality and personal hygiene of any kind, not limited to wriggling around in excrement or Subaru ownership.

Jus_Wonderin April 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Wait! Subaru? I like many of their models. I must now stop for a bit of introspection. Did I eat that banana at lunch because…I was gay???

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"All lesbians drive Subarus" = "All blahs drink grape Kool-Aid", or whatever it is the Buckra like to pass around in their funny emails.

CthuNHu April 12, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I decided to experiment with lesbianism recently. BIG mistake. I shoulda stuck with Toyota.

How f&^%$ing hard is it to make head gaskets that don't explode? And how many years does it take before you realize you're doing it wrong?

gout April 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm

They must reckon that since that is the only thing keeping them from breaking out the diapers, small rodents, duct tape, live chickens, dwarves, leather chaps and vaseline, it must be the same for everybody.

barto April 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Wait, doesn't that sign say "Homo Sex is In!" ?!?

DahBoner April 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Funny, but every closet door I've opened never leads to Out…

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Is it just me or did that make NO FUCKING SENSE! Focus people. You're all over the board on this one.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Gay man overboard!!

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Ever since that last post, my agenda includes nothing except eating fried chicken. Oh, and being responsible for the downfall of civilization as we know it. I always forget that one. I should make a todo list.

owhatever April 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I was all aworried about Herman's killer chickens, and now you throw an iceberg at me. Mercy.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

It's gross that calista leaves her dildo floating around in the ocean like that.

sullivanst April 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

It's even worse when she lets it run for President.

trampndirtdown April 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Thar be the white whale, sing out men!

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

The chains that really oppress these idiots are the chains of causality.

CommieLibunatic April 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

These guys see gayness everywhere and think about the homosexuals more than I do, and I dreamed about a tentacled dominatrix last night.

bureaucrap April 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

In all fairness, a guy I dated recently was sort of like an iceberg. But only emotionally.

WiscDad April 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

shiftless pussies just lay there

Jus_Wonderin April 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

However, it is easier to stop on a hill at a traffic light.

An_Outhouse April 12, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Admit it, that video is from the Onion.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Shiver me timbers!!

Fare la Volpe April 13, 2012 at 3:58 am

…Sailor~

widestanceromance April 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Trump was right–it is very, very impressive.

Antispandex April 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm

BTW I don't mean to feed the conspiracies or anything, but that does not look like a goyish iceberg. Just sayin'

Rosie_Scenario April 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm

It was teh Jooz that sunk the Titanic!
Goldberg, Iceberg, what's the difference??

MLite April 12, 2012 at 2:15 pm

They'll outlaw bigotry and the military will force everyone to be gay! Makes complete sense to me.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Metaphors are hard.

And throbbing.

hagajim April 12, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Man, I watched that video and right when they started talking about taking on water I felt badly like I needed to piss all over them…running water and all. Nice "Penisberg" BTW.

James Michael Curley April 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Those radical Homosexuals with their marrying will learn their lesson a few decades from now when the have no one under 70 to bring them their motherf*cking ice tea.

DetectiveGrey April 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm

What I get from this video is 'ships go down on icebergs'. Pretty cut and dry, if you ask me.

DemmeFatale April 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I also love how they talk down to their audience, speaking slowly and simply so they'll be understood. It's a rookie teacher mistake, but it must be mandatory to address wingers this way.

(BTW: what a lot of closet-cases! Especially the guy with the sign!)

natoslug April 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Is it really that hard for Christianists not to turn gay when confronted by the temptations of buttsecks and cuddly bears? Is there something about prayer that incites a same-sex lust? I have yet to see an angry atheist group raging about homosexual agendas being rammed down their throats. Maybe these people should consider spending a little less time cannibalizing Christ and a little more time commingling with cannabis. Might take their minds off the throbbing gay manness menace that otherwise fills their every waking moment.

american__mutt April 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I subscribe to the homosexual agenda's rss feed.

swordfis April 12, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I watched this while I was on hold with BCBS and boy, was that one big helping of American Pie!

I guess once you have your iceberg metaphor, you don't need any facts. It's just that persuasive.

DahBoner April 12, 2012 at 6:42 pm

"Jeff Gannon", Homosexual-R, just put up Dubya's old MISSION ACCOMPLISHED banner…

Nothingisamiss April 12, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Fucking insanity.

ttommyunger April 14, 2012 at 10:12 am

Reminds me of some woman who complained: "He had the coldest dick I ever felt." I can't for the life of me remember if I read this or it was a woman I actually know…. Going to drive me crazy all day.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: