fruits and nuts

Gigantic Radical Homosexual Agenda Busy Tearing Holes In All The Bottoms (VIDEO)

Gay icebergQuick, everybody leave the engine on your Hummer running, all night, with the AC cranked! Sorry the Maldives, but we must use global warming to melt all the icebergs, because gays! Wait what? Oh, humanity is the Titanic, and gays are the iceberg that murders the Titanic. But what does that make Leonardo DiCaprio? It makes him Jesus (“King” of the “World,” amirite?) dying for Kate Winslet’s sins. And who is the drunken captain? (John Boehner.) (Oh wait, that was the Exxon Valdez.) (Did the Titanic have a drunken captain? If you have seen the movie, could you let us know?) What about that captain in Italy who refused to go back on the ship and help save all his passengers? (He is Barack Obama, probably, because he was a shiftless pussy.)

Metaphors are hard, you guys. Here, watch RightWingWatch’s video, and make some “metaphors” of your own!


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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      1. Blueb4sunrise

        The geek with the dandruff and thick glasses.
        Quentin or some weird ass name like that.

  1. Lascauxcaveman

    (Did the Titanic have a drunken captain? If you have seen the movie, could you let us know?)

    I saw the movie a few years back, and IIRC, it was about Kate Winslet's tits. And also something about a large boat? I think.

    1. starfanglednut

      I think young Leonardo DiCaprion is a very sexy creature. I loved him in Basketball Diaries. he combines on the best qualities of cute boy, and slightly butch baby dyke.

    2. Chet Kincaid

      It was about posing nekkid, fucking in 1912 Renault Town Cars, and looking like a completely different person when you're 80. Poorly animated walking sprites on deck during CG flyovers, also.

  2. Mumbletypeg

    Ah but Rebecca, a [wo]man's reach must exceed one's grasp, or what's a metaphor?

    This comment is 100% snark free as I am unable to watch any video linky ..

  3. sullivanst

    Brown claimed “we’ve already hit the iceberg and the ship is already going down”

    So, we might as well just give in and enjoy the buttsecks before the waters claim us, amiright?

  4. Barb

    "but we must use global warming to melt all the icebergs"
    Global warming is a myth. I blame the penguins and their happy feet.

  5. GunToting[Redacted]

    So, the military is going to be used to round up and persecute, uh, heterosexuals, if I understand that video correctly. The repeal of DADT suddenly makes sense!

    Jesus fucking CHRIST, these people.

    1. sezme

      No, you misunderstood. It's more fun for the fundies if they pretend the military is going to round up the Christians. More fun for me too, actually.

      edit: oh sorry, I read heterosexuals as homosexuals. Apologies, my bad, etc. Never mind!

  6. FakaktaSouth

    This picture does not make me NOT want to do stuff. Is this supposed to make me all NOT want a peepee around me? It's not working. Hooray for big old peni. penises? Whatever! Hooray!

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    That blond with the eggbeater hairdo at the beginning there would be enough to turn me gay.

  8. Callyson

    And here I thought the Pizza Man's video was a capital WTF moment? He manages to look coherent and sensible compared to these paranoid freaks…


    Apparently i need to be "navigated around" Will this new feature be available on google navigation? I would love to "bypass" a few gay guys.

  10. valgal2342

    Whoa…..did she say in the first few seconds….and I believe she did….."the radical homo agenda is dulling our sense of righteousness? WTF????? Well pardon the fuck out of homos for dulling your sense of righteousness bimbo!

  11. bureaucrap

    Let me illustrate the decline of western civilization, using this barbie doll, this salt shaker, and this can of peaches in syrup… see, the barbie doll jumps into the can, and suddenly…OH NO, salt!!!!! That's why we have to kill the illegals.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      In counterargument, I will follow Lewis Black's example and throw a fossil just over your head.

  12. sezme

    Yes, the homosexual agenda is like a giant iceberg threatening to take down the ship of state. If only there was a way to get these homosexuals to stop putting their penises in the mouthes and anuses of Republican congressmen!

    1. emmelemm

      I know, I was like, are you already drinking Irish coffee this morning, Rebecca? Holy WTFs…

  13. edgydrifter

    Two questions: Why would the homos want to destroy America (presumably they live here, too)? What will the homos do after America is destroyed? The hard right always implies some kind of sinister motive driving this "agenda," but I sure as hell can't figure out what it is. I must be gay-stupid or something.

    1. banana_bread

      They want to turn it into a tolerant, equal-rights loving, universal health care regime that taxes the rich and helps the poor.

      Clearly, they are monsters.

    2. Jus_Wonderin

      First America, then Earth. Of course, the ultimate goal is domination of this solar system but along the way teh gay will take Uranus.

  14. sewollef

    Is that a circumcised iceberg I see before me or not?

    Maybe it's a jewish iceberg. I can't tell anymore….

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    That iceberg should see a doctor about that swollen nutsack. Could be incipient elephantiasis.

  16. Sharkey

    If you teachers and kids are not scared of teh ghey, you have not been "adequately trained."

    How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

    1. Steverino247

      If you don't beat your meat, you can't have any pussy!
      How can you have any pussy, if you don't beat your meat?

  17. Antispandex

    Ok, I get it. Gays = flaming, hence the icebergs melt. No, wait, the polar ice caps melt…no that can't be it because "they" are lying about that…Naw, shit, it's just to complicated for me.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Don't think about it too hard. Just do the right thing and drag a fag for Jesus. Drag anyone who isn't exactly like you, for that matter.

  18. JustPixelz

    "There are just a couple steps before the military could be used in a persecution of those who are viewed as enemies of the new state police system"

    WRONG! There are no steps. It's called the USA PATRIOT Act. See ya in Guantanamo or behind the surveyor's marks of a drone missile .

    Which of the Village People will be doing that persecution? The Navy guy or the Army guy. I don't think it will be the Indian* guy.

    I thought we had the Second Amendment and all those guns to prevent tyranny. If all those guns can be overpowered by the radical homosexual agenda, I surrender now. Miss Lindsey, you have such pretty eyes.
    * politically incorrect reference to see if I get persecuted

  19. gout

    So if homosexuality becomes socially acceptable then everybody will be doing it all the time because of course everybody wants to, right? Right?

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Yeah, I like how these anti-gay doomsayers seem to assume that EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. will turn gay. Nobody will be left straight; not the heteros who want children, not the bisexuals, not even the aforementioned doomsayers.

    2. Chet Kincaid

      Apparently some kind of moral rot will occur in which we all just go "aww fuck it" to any ethics, morality and personal hygiene of any kind, not limited to wriggling around in excrement or Subaru ownership.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Wait! Subaru? I like many of their models. I must now stop for a bit of introspection. Did I eat that banana at lunch because…I was gay???

          1. CthuNHu

            I decided to experiment with lesbianism recently. BIG mistake. I shoulda stuck with Toyota.

            How f&^%$ing hard is it to make head gaskets that don't explode? And how many years does it take before you realize you're doing it wrong?

      2. gout

        They must reckon that since that is the only thing keeping them from breaking out the diapers, small rodents, duct tape, live chickens, dwarves, leather chaps and vaseline, it must be the same for everybody.

  20. Baconzgood

    Is it just me or did that make NO FUCKING SENSE! Focus people. You're all over the board on this one.

  21. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Ever since that last post, my agenda includes nothing except eating fried chicken. Oh, and being responsible for the downfall of civilization as we know it. I always forget that one. I should make a todo list.

  22. owhatever

    I was all aworried about Herman's killer chickens, and now you throw an iceberg at me. Mercy.

  23. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    It's gross that calista leaves her dildo floating around in the ocean like that.

  24. CommieLibunatic

    These guys see gayness everywhere and think about the homosexuals more than I do, and I dreamed about a tentacled dominatrix last night.

  25. bureaucrap

    In all fairness, a guy I dated recently was sort of like an iceberg. But only emotionally.

  26. Antispandex

    BTW I don't mean to feed the conspiracies or anything, but that does not look like a goyish iceberg. Just sayin'

  27. MLite

    They'll outlaw bigotry and the military will force everyone to be gay! Makes complete sense to me.

  28. hagajim

    Man, I watched that video and right when they started talking about taking on water I felt badly like I needed to piss all over them…running water and all. Nice "Penisberg" BTW.

  29. James Michael Curley

    Those radical Homosexuals with their marrying will learn their lesson a few decades from now when the have no one under 70 to bring them their motherf*cking ice tea.

  30. DetectiveGrey

    What I get from this video is 'ships go down on icebergs'. Pretty cut and dry, if you ask me.

  31. DemmeFatale

    I also love how they talk down to their audience, speaking slowly and simply so they'll be understood. It's a rookie teacher mistake, but it must be mandatory to address wingers this way.

    (BTW: what a lot of closet-cases! Especially the guy with the sign!)

  32. natoslug

    Is it really that hard for Christianists not to turn gay when confronted by the temptations of buttsecks and cuddly bears? Is there something about prayer that incites a same-sex lust? I have yet to see an angry atheist group raging about homosexual agendas being rammed down their throats. Maybe these people should consider spending a little less time cannibalizing Christ and a little more time commingling with cannabis. Might take their minds off the throbbing gay manness menace that otherwise fills their every waking moment.

  33. swordfis

    I watched this while I was on hold with BCBS and boy, was that one big helping of American Pie!

    I guess once you have your iceberg metaphor, you don't need any facts. It's just that persuasive.

  34. ttommyunger

    Reminds me of some woman who complained: "He had the coldest dick I ever felt." I can't for the life of me remember if I read this or it was a woman I actually know…. Going to drive me crazy all day.

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